A Taste Of Loneliness
by Sarabellum93
Summary: My whole life people told me to shut-up, i wish they'd make up their goddamn minds.i didnt ask him to fall in love with me, i didnt ask him to grab the knife from my hand, but he did & now his pain is my consequence. but, i love him. FULL SUMMARY INSIDE
1. Getting Used to It

**Full Summary: **Zemyx from Zexion's POV. Zexion is a shy, completely quiet high schooler who meets Demyx, a friendly and social teen who is always open for making a new friend. Zexion doesnt have much to lose, considering he doesnt have anything to begin with, but Demyx's dedication proves to be harder to accept than he thought. His mom is in rehab, his grandmother-the only source of love he had-is dying, and his dad's death are just too much for Zexion. Demyx tries so hard to help his new friend, but both get a taste of loneliness. Warning: Future chapters will include self-harm, strong language, and intense anxiety. but it will be good drama, trust me! ;P

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><p>I woke up nervous for my first day of school. Ok well it's not really the first day, but I had to transfer schools since I moved. Again. This is the fourth time in the past year. My mom just got admitted back into rehab so now I'm moving back with my aunt and uncle, where I'm pretty much invisible. Out in public, I'm completely invisible. For the past five years, I've slowly worked at eliminating my need to talk. My verbal communication comes and goes, but when it comes, it'll stay on and off. When it goes, it goes for months. It's gotten to the point that, unless you met me before I started high school, you wouldn't know that my name is Zexion. You wouldn't know that I'm two grades above my age or that I like to draw. You wouldn't know that I have my reasons as to why I've gained the label as an 'emo-freak'. And if you truly knew me, which no one does, then you'd know why that label is right.<p>

The second I sat up in bed I knew it was going to be a bad day. I could feel it. I was currently in my longest silence streak ever: 4 months and not a sound to anyone besides my aunt, uncle, or grandmother. At 'home', I would grunt or sigh, but most of my communication was done through nodding, shaking my head, or facial expressions, which I barely used unless I absolutely needed to. In public, I didn't make a sound; nothing more than a cough or sneeze. I didn't know how I was going to survive my first day without having to say my name at least once. Knowing me, I'd make a nametag. I'm already going to get looked at as being weird and emo, so might as well give them a name. Call me pessimistic, I don't give a shit. I stopped caring when my dad did…

Anyway, I took a quick shower, threw on some black skinny jeans, a black V-neck along with a black zip-up hoodie. Yes, I like black. I fixed my straight, slate, hair as I usually do with my long side bangs covering one of my eyes. I shoved a pen and a notebook in my black backpack and left the comfort of my room.

"When do you have work?" I heard my aunt ask my uncle as I brushed past them.

"Wait right there young man!" My uncle called and I rolled my eyes, turning to face him, waiting for him to continue.

"Dinner is on your own, so don't come home too late." My aunt said, not even looking at me, but I didn't care, I was already half way out the door.

I walked to my new school, since it is only a ten minute walk, and quickly entered the main office. For once, I wished that I had my aunt or uncle with me to do the talking for me, but I handed them a paper with my information and without any talking, I actually got my schedule.

"I'm Aerith, and I'm your counselor. If you need any help or need someone to talk to, I'm here." She smiled sweetly as she handed me my schedule.

I nodded.

"Would you like any help finding your classes?" She asked and again I nodded. "This way." She walked with me and I followed as I looked around me. My last high school was an outdoor school, but this was completely indoors, which I didn't really like. "What's your favorite subject?" she asked me, no doubt trying to cover up the awkward silence. I pointed to the Advanced Science subject on my schedule.

"Do you have any siblings?" She was trying to keep a conversation that didn't exist, but I shook my head honestly. "Where are you from?" She asked and I pointed in the direction from which my aunts house is. "Do you talk?" She asked, laughing a bit, trying to be funny, but when I shook my head, she stopped. "Are you going to be ok making friends?" I looked away. I hated that topic. Friends. What are friends but people who are there one minute but ditch you for the next best thing that comes their way? I shrugged. "You are always welcome to come talk to me." She smiled and I nodded and we continued walking until we came to my first class, math.

I love math. Math and science are the two best subjects ever. Math is so perfect. It has only one right answer and it has no room for error. Science allows me to live out my curious inquiries by still living in that safe environment where everything has its limits and its rationality.

Aerith opened the door and let me walk in first before she interrupted the teacher. Class started nearly twenty minutes ago.

"Hello Luxord." Aerith greeted the teacher who did not look at all like the math teachers I remember having. This guy had beach blonde hair and multiple ear piercings, and he looked like he could be a casino body guard or something.

"New student?" He asked looking at me and I nodded.

"This is Zexion." Aerith put a hand gently on my shoulder as I faced the class. They all sat wide-eyed at me as if they've never seen an emo kid before. I'm not into label's myself, but it is pretty accurate, so if it works, I guess I don't have a reason to complain about it.

"There's a seat right there." Luxord pointed to an open seat in the back and I dragged my body there, slumping in my seat.

"Demyx, can you show Zexion around? I think he has a very similar schedule to yours." Aerith's voice was so soft and delicate, it was almost as calming as it was annoying. I wondered how small this school must be if the counselor actually knows the students schedules. I changed my train of thought to see who this Demyx was, but when I realized that the kid next to me answered with a cheerful, "Of course!" then I realized how much trouble I was in. Fuck. He's a preppy boy. He's not bad on the eyes, in fact, I'd even dare to call him beautiful, but his energy was already invading my space.

"I'm Demyx." He stuck out a hand and I ignored him, pretending to be taking out my notebook to begin taking notes. "You're Zexion, right?" He asked and I nodded, keeping my eyes on the board.

"I'm Axel." The kid in front of me turned around. I nodded, as if to say, "Got it," but that doesn't even matter cause he asked me, "Got it memorized?"

I nodded again; man I was going to be dizzy by the end of the day.

Luxord continued his teaching as if I never even showed up, which is actually what I preferred so it didn't bother me. What DID bother me was the way that Demyx kept asking me stupid questions.

"So where do you live?" He whispered, and since we were in class, I just started writing notes.

"Close by." I wrote and he wrote back.

"Let me see your schedule." I handed it to him and he wrote back, "Cool! We have third, fourth, and fifth period together too!" Demyx beamed a bright smile that nearly blinded me. I sat there.

"Oh, I'm in his chemistry and literature class." Axel said and I realized that kids at this school aren't like the ones I from where I just left. In my old school, I was alone and fine that way. Here, here they are going to talk to me and wont leave me alone. Ugh, this was going to be longer a day than I thought.

When Luxord excused us, Demyx told me to follow Axel, so I did.

"So, chemistry is like my favorite." Axel grinned almost suspiciously. I stayed silent. "What's the matter with you? Tired?" I shrugged. "Don't you know how to talk?" He asked, so I nodded. "Well then what's wrong with you?" He asked and I shrugged again. "You just don't like talking?" I nodded. "I see. Well that sounds….boring." Axel said and I shrugged again. "Alright, here we are." Axel let me go in first and he introduced me to the teacher. "Vexen, this is Zexion. He doesn't talk." He said and Vexen stared at me curiously.

"Why not?" He asked.

"Who knows? He wont say." Axel said and took a seat.

"Go sit with Axel; he's good at chemistry and can help you if you need it." Vexen said and I rolled my eyes as I obeyed. Me? Need help with Chemistry? Please. If anything, by the end of the year, I'll be replacing Vexen at his job.

"So for this next section you," Axel started but stopped when he saw that I already finished the exercises on the board. "Whoa! You're done already?" Axel asked and I nodded. "Let me see." He took my paper, eyed it carefully, and put it down with wide eyes. "Damn kid, what are you, some genius?" I shrugged. "Well that's pretty impressive, but we still have half an hour left." Axel smirked.

If I was going to be perfectly honest with myself, I'd confess how amazing his eyes are. They're so strong a green and his hair is pretty out there too since it's a bright red, which actually looks really good on him. Then there's Demyx. Even though I'm a 'pessimist' who doesn't like labels, he's the cutest prep I've ever seen. And even though his smile can get annoying and overbearing…..it's….adorable. Whatever. I need to focus on school. I don't have time to think about how white his teeth are or how soft and silky his blonde Mohawk looks.

When Chemistry ended, Axel walked me to the music room, where he explained that Demyx would be the Teaching Assistant. He warned me that the teacher, Saix, is kind of scary when he's mad, but that Demyx is a great musician and loves to help students who have questions. I don't play any instruments, so I knew from the beginning that I was going to suck. But when Axel left me to go to his own class and I walked in alone, I felt this pitiful failure inside me.

"Hey Zexion." Demyx waved to me so I sat next to him. "How was chemistry?"

I shrugged and he took out his phone.

"Axel told me that you don't talk. Why not?" He asked and I shrugged. Really? I know he's cute, but he has to be smarter than that. "Oh, well, that's cool I guess." He said and got up to help students while the class started. I had to pick an instrument so I looked into the big supply closet to see what my options were.

"What are you thinking of?" Demyx walked up behind me and I pointed to the guitar. It only had six strings, so it couldn't be that hard, right? "Oh, the guitar is a wonderful instrument!" Demyx picked it up and motioned me to follow him into an empty room.

"Since you're new, Saix said that I can teach you one on one in here." He smiled and I nodded that I understood. I feel like a lot of people think I'm stupid cause I don't talk, so I nod after anything that I understand, which is pretty much everything.

"Are you right handed or left handed?" He asked and I held up my left hand. "Here, hold it like this." He handed me the guitar and moved over to my right hand which was at the top. He tried to teach me a couple of chords, but it just didn't feel natural to me. After half of the class time, I learned two chords.

"So, are you happy to be here?" He asked and I strummed the G chord as I shook my head. "Would you rather go back to your old school?" He asked, looking sad. I nodded as I strummed the C chord.

"Is it your parents that are stopping you?" H asked and I tilted my head, strumming G again. "It must be hard, huh?" he asked, and his voice sounded so genuinely concerned that it almost bothered me. As I strummed C again, I felt sad. It was weird. I normally don't feel. I get agitated and frustrated, but I can usually block most everything else out. But his voice and the sorrow on his face, it just made me want to cry. "Do you have any friends at your old school?" He asked and I strummed G. It became silently official that G meant 'no' while C meant 'yes'.

"Do you have any friends at all?" he asked, sounding like he was really bothered, but when I strummed G again, it only got worse. "Zexion? Why not?" He asked and I shrugged. "Am, am I your friend?" He asked and I froze. If I say no, will he get mad? And if I say yes, what does that even mean? "I guess a few hours of knowing someone isn't enough just yet." He smiled to encourage me and I nodded. "Well class is about over, so we should put the guitar back." Demyx stood up and took it from my hand as we left.

"P.E. is next and coach Lexaeus is a beast." Demyx said as we entered the boys locker room.

"So, do you have P.E. clothes yet?" Axel asked and I shook my head.

"Guess he'll have to wear spares." Demyx handed me a shirt and some gym shorts and I nodded my thanks at him with the same straight face I've had all damn day.

"Have you started the math homework yet Dem?" Axel asked and Demyx laughed.

"Yea right! I'll probably do it as Luxord is collecting it." Demyx took off his shirt and to my own surprise, I couldn't stop staring. I wont deny myself the fact that I'm gay. Since I don't talk, no one knows, but I'm not one for relationships anyway. What I do know though, is that Demyx shirtless is pretty much the hottest thing ever. I gulped and blinked, trying to tell myself to look away, but I just didn't want to miss out on his sweet and well defined abs.

"I'll probably do it the day after." Axel joked with him and when Demyx put his new shirt on, I looked away. Axel took his off and although his red hair at the base of his stomach was hot, I missed Demyx's blonde.

"You going to change?" Demyx asked me and I nodded. I put his shirt over my long sleeve black V neck and changed quickly into the shorts while they were.

"Arent you going to get hot?" Axel asked but I lied, shaking my head.

The one lesson I learned from being emo is that you have to live with long sleeves to hide cuts and scars. Eventually you get used to it.

Physical Education was a joke, thankfully, since Demyx, Axel, and I all walked the track in circles like ten times. The two talked a lot and occasionally they asked me yes or no questions and I would nod or shake my head. I was happy that they were getting used to my system and that they weren't criticizing me for it or asking even more stupid questions.

This system worked pretty damn well, and for the rest of my first week, I followed those two silently in nearly everything they did.

"So, can I ask you a question? I want you to be honest." Axel started one day as we walked the track in P.E like we always do, and I nodded. "Do you want us to leave you alone? I mean, I don't want to ignore you or make you feel like you're not included, but I don't want to bother you either. You never have anything to say, so I feel like we're just annoying you." Axel said and I thought for a moment. Just that Monday morning, in math, I was praying that they'd shut up and leave me alone. But for this entire week I've been following them blindly and doing what they tell me cause…..cause I don't feel threatened by them. I don't trust them, I don't trust anyone. But at the same time, I don't want them to leave. Well, it's more like, I don't want them to leave me.

My long silence and thought was taking longer than I expected. I knew that I didn't want them to leave, but I already forgot how he worded his question and if I should shake my head or nod. It's times like these when I know I could talk, but once you get used to silence, it's hard to switch back.

"Come on Dem." Axel grabbed Demyx's arm and turned him around. I ran after them and shook my head. "If you want to hang out with us, say so." Axel said, his demeanor serious. I nodded, but he interrupted. "I said, 'say so', with your mouth." Axel folded his arms and I looked away. Of course I didn't forget how to talk, but I just hate it. I hate my voice and I hate the hatred that comes out of other peoples mouths whenever I'd say something. My whole life people told me to shut up. I wish they'd make up their damn minds.

"It's ok Axel, he doesn't have to." Demyx said and I thought he was saving me, until he continued. "If he prefers silence, then that's what he'll get." Demyx actually looked genuinely hurt as he took off.

"Way to go." Axel scoffed at me and ran after Demyx as the bell rang. I didn't know what to do. What did I do wrong? I usually glare at people and give them dirty looks, but this entire week I've remained neutral. I couldn't see why they were suddenly treating me like this.

I walked back to the locker room, taking my own sweet time, realizing that I truly am meant to be alone. I went into the row that Demyx, Axel, and I all changed in before the period began, but as I walked back in, they walked out. Demyx was quick to leave and Axel lingered.

"He said to just leave his shit in his locker." Axel pointed to Demyx's P.E. locker behind me. I still had yet to get my own P.E clothes and Demyx was kind enough to let me have his spares. I nodded, feeling…sad.

"You brought this upon yourself you know." Axel said and he too looked a bit remorseful. I shook my head. Was I …pleading? "Look, I know we've only known you for a week and all but," Axel looked around. The locker room was pretty much empty. "Don't tell him I told you, but, Demyx, he likes you." Axel whispered and I looked at him, shocked. What the fuck? Someone likes me? I couldn't comprehend the words coming out of his mouth.

"He thinks that you are cute and that you have a lot to say and just need someone to help you learn how. For whatever reason that you're not talking, that's your own business. But at the same time, if you don't start including other people in your life, don't expect them to include you in theirs." Axel started to walk away, but I grabbed his arm.

I nodded, hanging my head low.

"Axel!" Demyx yelled and Axel sighed before he pulled his arm away.

The walk home was more quiet, depressing, and lonely than I thought it would be. It's been a while since I spent so much time with people, especially the same people for hours like the way I did with Axel and Demyx. Is that all it took to want to get to know someone? I don't remember ever telling anyone that I liked them, and I certainly don't recall being liked by anyone besides my grandmother, but she's dying and it wont be long till I'm all alone.

I forgot what it was like to have friends and to feel like I belong somewhere. I missed it more than I was willing to admit. But at the same time, I was scared to get involved in something that is much bigger than me.

I walked inside the house, empty, quiet, and went into my room. I did the little homework I had, and spent the rest of my day watching videos online about how to play the guitar.

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><p>Author's Note, IMPORTANT PLEASE READ: I just wanted to warn anyone reading this that this story will get VERY HEAVY. There will be a LOT of anxiety, cussing, and even some self-harm. If that is not your style, then I'd advise that you stop. I wont spoil any ending or scenes to come, but I just want you all to know that there will be some serious tension, anxiety, and drama in this story. There wont be any lemons, nothing explicit at least. I do hope that you continue to read this story as it does have some personal significance to me. I wont get too into it, but I really hope that you continue to read this, despite the warning I gave. I just wanted to let people know what they were getting into ^_^<p>

Heart, Sarabellum


	2. Helpless Emo Freak

The next day in math, I sat at the very front. All the other seats were taken and Axel and Demyx weren't even looking at me, even though I turned to face them several times.

I wrote on a piece of paper, "I'm sorry" And I didn't expect that to be good enough, but somehow, I hoped that it would help. When Luxord ended the class a couple minutes early, I waited for everyone to leave before Demyx and Axel started heading towards the door. I held the paper out in front of Demyx, who took it curiously. He read it and sighed.

"Me too. We shouldn't ignore you if you want to hang out with us. I'm sorry." He said with a small smile and I nodded sorrowfully, as if to say that I'm sorry too.

"Just hug and get it over with." Axel smirked and Demyx blushed.

"Can I hug you?" He asked, and for the first time in who remembers how long, I felt a slight tingle go down my chest as I nodded and watched as he stepped closer to me.

His arms opened and I stepped into the gap, surprisingly desperate to feel his warm body. His clothes smelled nice as he wrapped his arms around me, not too tight, but just enough to leave me longing for more. Shit, now I was longing for him. But damn did he feel comfortable. His sweater was thick and cozy and I wanted so badly to snuggle my face up to it. I slowly let my cheek fall to his shoulder as I inhaled deeply. I hadn't been hugged in years. Years. Literally. And then, to my complete and utter surprise, I started to sniffle.

"Dem, hang on." Axel pulled me back from Demyx and I hid my face in my arms.

"Zexion, are you ok?" Demyx put a hand on my shoulder and I used my long sleeves to wipe my silent tears.

I nodded, about to turn away when Demyx pulled me in for another hug.

Why? Why was I crying? Why did he even care? Why is my heart beating louder than usual? Why is my head all light and airy? Why cant I control what my body is doing? With each question, I began to cry more and more, even to where small tiny whimpers were heard.

"Shh, it's ok Zexion." Demyx rubbed my back and his warm, strong hand relaxed me almost too much. I inhaled deeply, then exhaled loudly. I just, I couldn't help it. He was warm. He was strong, yet soft. His touch made me silently beg for more and I yearned for his warmth and security.

"It's alright, we're all here now." Axel joined the hug and put his hand on my back where Demyx's hand wasn't already.

"And we'll always be here." Demyx pushed me away to smile into my eyes. I nodded before Axel broke the tension.

"Come on, we have to get to class."

I followed Axel while Demyx headed to his English class, missing him already. The small tears stopped and I shook my head, angry at myself.

What the fuck was wrong with me? I don't cry….not in front of people! If anything, I'll allow silent tears to fall as I sleep, but even then, I refuse to acknowledge that I cry. Ugh, I cant believe I just did that. They probably think I'm weak now; some helpless emo freak. That's what I've always been seen as.

"You miss him, don't you?" Axel asked as he and I began our lab. Before I could even try to lie to myself, I nodded. "Are you gay?" he asked so easily. Back in my old school, I if were to reveal the truth, I'd get my ass kicked. But with Axel, there was something there about him that didn't feel scary. I nodded slowly.

"We are too, so don't worry." He smiled before he added some chemical to our liquid mix at our lab station. I put a hand up, to tell him to stop, but he grinned like a mad scientist and added more. Next thing we knew, it blew up in our faces. We coughed the grey smoke away before Vexen excused us to the bathroom so we could clean the black solution off our faces.

"Sorry about that." Axel winced as I grumpily trudged to the bathroom with him beside me. I glared at him. "I usually know what I'm doing, but I cant help it." He shrugged and I rolled my eyes. We bent over the sink to rinse the smudge off of our faces when Demyx walked in.

"Hey, another science experiment gone wrong?" he laughed, which led me to assume that Axel does this more often than not.

"It was worth it." Axel smirked.

"Here, you forgot some." Demyx smiled as he stood before me, licked his thumb, and wiped my chin. "Better." He smiled so sweetly, I had to look away.

"Aww, he's blushing!" Axel teased and I rushed a hand to my cheek; it was warm.

"He is so cute!" Demyx took my hands in his and squeezed them.

"He said that he missed you in Chem. Well, I asked and he nodded." Axel said and I looked away again.

"You missed me?" Demyx asked and I nodded.

""He's gay too." Axel patted my back and I could feel my face flushing.

"So who's your lucky boyfriend?" Demyx batted his thick eyelashes and I shook my head. He looked at me real seriously and it made my heart pound louder. "You know, if you talked and allowed people to get to know you, I'd bet you'd find someone real fast." He smiled cheaply and dropped my hands. "I got to go back to class. See ya!" He grabbed a handful of paper towels and then left as I stood there. What was this feeling of sorrow?

"When was the last time you talked? Weeks?" Axel asked and I shook my head. "Months?" I nodded and held up four fingers. "Holy shit!" He shook his head and I felt low. I felt stupid. I felt like the failure I've been told that I am. "I bet if you said his name, you'd make him smile so wide, he'd cry." Axel shrugged and started walking off. I felt guilty that I'd never be able to give Demyx that happiness, but we're just friends. Who wants to date a mute like me? Who wants to date anyone who's anything close to what I am? A mess. A fail.

Axel and I went back to class to clean up our station and finished just before the bell rang. Vexen handed us our homework sheet and I rushed to the music room. Why was I rushing? My legs were moving faster than I thought I cared, but at the same time, I couldn't stop. I wanted so badly to be near him, near that smile. At first I thought that I'd end up hating him for it, but now I see that Demyx's smile is the only bit of comfort that I like…the only comfort that I have.

I went into the backroom and started playing the same few chords that I knew. I was up to five now, and Demyx and I somehow made up meanings for each chord. G meant 'no', C meant 'yes', D meant 'I don't know', E major meant 'I wish', and A minor translated as 'I agree'. If I played G before anything else, it negated that next chord. So G then A meant I don't agree. If I strummed all six strings without any chord, it meant that I either didn't want to say or couldn't answer with the few chords I had. So far, it was working really well.

"Does your mom work a lot?" Demyx and I spent the whole week in music class getting to know each other more, but he could only ask yes or no questions. After he'd ask me, I'd tilt my head as if to ask it back to him, and he answered in plain English.

I strummed G.

"Does she work at all?"

I strummed G.

"Does your dad work?" He asked and again I strummed G.

"Do you live with your parents?" I strummed G and he started naming off relative titles until I strummed C.

"So you live with your aunt and uncle and your grandma?" I strummed C.

"Do you miss your parents?" He asked real quietly. I strummed D. I really didn't know. I hardly remember my dad and my mom was never great enough to be missed, but I sometimes wonder what it'd be like if I still had both of them in my lives.

"Where are they?" He asked. I strummed D. I didn't really know exactly where the rehab was that my mom was in, and as for my dad, no one knew for sure, although I had my own guess.

"Do you like living with your aunt and uncle?" He asked and I strummed G. I wouldn't mind if they had noticed me when I first came to live with them, but whenever I had to stay with them before in the past 17 year I've been alive, I was never important enough to matter.

"What about your grandma?" I strummed C. I knew that when the time comes for her, I'll be sad. Until then, I'll just stay in denial that that time is nearing.

"Well that's good." He smiled but I shook my head. "Why not?" I pretended to cough and he guessed it. "She's sick?" I strummed C, yes.

"I'm sorry." He said and I strummed that I agreed, A minor.

"Do you want to go to college once we graduate?" he asked and I strummed D. I was being honest; I really didn't know because I never thought that I'd survive this long. I've been a long time cutter and I've tried to OverDose on pills a couple times before. Every time I'd have to go to a hospital and then therapy, but somehow I never got the help that I truly needed. By now I was too far beyond help.

"Do you know what you'd want to study if you went?" He asked and I strummed C. "Science?" He guessed and I nodded. He knew me well.

"I know you can do it." He smiled and I looked away. His smile is too good for my eyes. It's like I don't want to look away, but I'm afraid that if I stare too hard, I'll go blind or something. That, or I'll end up smiling too and I'll look like a dumbass. I don't remember what my smile looks like, but I guess that doesn't even matter since I don't smile ever.

"Can I ask you a question?" He really is funny. Isn't that what we've been doing all class? And isn't that in itself a question? Nevertheless, I played C.

"Why do you look away when I talk to you?" He scooted closer to me and I strummed D. I really couldn't come up with one reason. Part of it was because I think I get…nervous….around him. Another part of me is in denial of it, because I don't allow myself to feel. But then again, why is it that my heart beats faster and my palms get sweaty when he's around?

"Do I make you uncomfortable?" He asked and I strummed G multiple times, as if to prove that he really doesn't. He smiled. "Good." I strummed A minor, I agreed.

"Do you like spending time with Axel and me?" I strummed C. I really did enjoy their company. If I had a sense of humor, I'd probably laugh at half the stuff they did. I just don't remember how.

"You should hang out with us after school, if you want." Demyx shrugged and I nodded quickly.

"Really? Good. Well, there's the bell. Let's get going." Demyx helped me up and we walked to the locker room.

Now that I know that he likes me, it's even harder not to stare at him. I always wear my original shirt under the P.E. shirt and I led Axel and Demyx to think that I was one of those kids who gets unhealthily cold, which led coach Lexaeus to believe it too. Either way, I got to keep my shirt on and no one ever had a chance to see all the cuts, burns, and bruises I have.

"Would you get mad?" Demyx asked Axel as I trailed behind. They were whispering back and forth to each other and I grew suspicious.

"Don't. You. Dare." Axel stopped dead in the middle of the track during our first rotation.

"ROXAS!" Demyx shouted and then took off running. Axel took off after them, both sprinting as I walked slowly, trying to figure out what happened. Demyx sped as fast as he can and when he came around to lap me, he stopped quickly and grabbed onto my shoulders.

"Save me!" He begged as I turned to see Axel charging after us. I guarded my face with my arms as Axel pushed Demyx and the two fought. They were laughing though, and I didn't really understand what was going on.

"He didn't even notice!" Demyx laughed, still panting.

"You dick!" Axel shoved him playfully. I raised an eyebrow.

"Axel has a HUGE crush on Roxas." Demyx said, facing me just as Axel was.

"I do not! I just, I think he's cute." Axel shrugged and then I looked down and saw a pair of shoes hiding behind Axel's and Demyx's. I pointed and Axel looked down, turned around, looked up, and froze.

"You think I'm cute?" Some short blonde boy asked and Axel stammered.

"Well I said that, um, you see, I guess what it really is, is uh, um," He looked around and Demyx put his hand on my shoulder.

"Just tell him." Demyx smiled and Roxas blushed as Axel cleared his throat.

"I like you." Axel smiled and Roxas' face lit up.

"Really?"

"Yeah. You're short stories and poems in English are amazing and you're cute and you just seem like a great guy." Axel shrugged. "I'd really like to get to know you."

"Me too Axe. I think you're a great guy, and you're so smart in chemistry." The blonde, Roxas, smiled before he looked to me. "Who's your friend?"

"Oh, this is Zexion." Demyx said for me. "He doesn't talk, but he's a real cool kid." Demyx smiled and I nodded my thanks with a straight face. I wanted to smile, but I refuse to allow myself to get soft again. Once you go soft, the next step is going hurt.

"Nice to meet you." He smiled and I nodded.

"Can we talk?" Axel asked Roxas, who nodded, and the two walked off side by side down the track.

"They look so cute together." Demyx smiled brightly. "I cant wait till I find my one. Someone whose hand I can hold. Someone to hug when I need one." Demyx hugged himself and already I was jealous of his own arms. I wanted to want him. No, I do want him, right? I miss him when he's gone. I hate going home from school because I want to spend more time with him. And whenever I'm not with him, he's all that's on my mind. I stopped walking. So, do I like him back just because he likes me? I guess I've always enjoyed his company, even before Axel told me that he liked me. But what if he doesn't like me the way I think he does? Axel told me that Demyx likes me but that can mean a lot of things.

"Zexion? You ok?" Demyx asked and I nodded.

"What are you thinking about?" He walked right up to me and with my entire self in a vulnerable state, I pointed to him.

"You're thinking about me?" He asked and I nodded.

"Aww, you're so sweet." He blushed and I did too. Dammit! Why is he so cute? Why does he have to be so…amazing? He's the first real friend I've ever had. And he's the only one who cared enough to give me a chance no matter what. He's perfect.

"You're blushing." He smiled and I looked away. I needed to fix this. I needed to find a way to get rid of these feelings for him. But…do I have to? Do I have to make myself more alone than I already am?

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Ok so that's it for the second chapter. It goes by pretty fast and I apologize for that. I'm taking 2 extra classes so I am extremely limited in time and honestly I really don't know how I'm able to write or post. So yeah, it' will pick up really quickly really soon, so prepare for the drama and intensity!<p>

To Myfishy3: I'm glad that you found it addicting, especially when it was just one chapter in! I'm hoping that you continue to read because trust me, there will be more addictions on the way ;P

To kindofbadger: Awesome! Thanks for reading and I hope you like it as it progresses! My heart aches for him too, but its nowhere near over in the amount of drama I'm about to add to his life…."I'm sorry Zexion!" lol I king of am forcing myself to write this, at least that's how I started. I just started writing it the day I posted it, and I've never done that before. So I'm posting the chapters the day that I'm writing them and it gets a little hard for time and all, but I just have a strong need to write it write now. My b-day is coming up extremely soon and when it hits, it'll be a whole year since I cut myself. Not too proud of that, but at the same time, I kind of am. So yea, that's what led me to write this. I appreciate you reading it ^_^

To Shadowridge: Slow and steady wins the race lol. Don't worry, it's going to pick up really fast.


	3. Should Have Seen It Coming

"What are you thinking about?" He walked right up to me and with my entire self in a vulnerable state, I pointed to him.

"You're thinking about me?" He asked and I nodded.

"Aww, you're so sweet." He blushed and I did too. Dammit! Why is he so cute? Why does he have to be so…amazing? He's the first real friend I've ever had. And he's the only one who cared enough to give me a chance no matter what. He's perfect.

"You're blushing." He smiled and I looked away. I needed to fix this. I needed to find a way to get rid of these feelings for him. But…do I have to? Do I have to make myself more alone than I already am?

I coughed. I didn't know what to do.

"What are you thinking about, about me?" Demyx clarified and I couldn't make eye contact with him. I wanted to be that person that he could hug….cause I needed it more than he did. With a small shrug and a look of pathetic hope, I opened my arms.

"You, you want a hug?" He asked, seeming happy. I nodded. He held me tight and it was weird since we were outside in public, but part of me didn't even care.

We made it a quick hug and when he broke it, he winked at me. My throat reacted to it in a peculiar way. It got all tight and I had to swallow hard to breathe. I don't know how he manages to do that to me, but it doesn't even seem fair.

"You ok?" He asked with his perfectly white teeth smiling.

I nodded as we both walked back to the locker room to change.

Two boring classes later, I was walking with Axel to our lockers.

"So that's why we never eat there, but if you're feeling risky, it's up to you." Axel shrugged. Since I'm still pretty new to the area, Axel was helping me figure out what restaurants serve the best kinds of different foods. I don't even remember how we got onto that topic, but I listened intently. I never go out to eat. It's hard to order without talking. Usually I just buy shit at the store with headphones on, obvious that I can't hear people and then I go home and make it.

"Hey you two." Demyx walked up to us and joined us at Axel's locker.

"Hey Dem. Hey Rox." Axel high fived Demyx and gave Roxas a small kiss on his temple. Roxas, that blonde kid I just met, blushed lightly and hugged Axel back.

"Aren't they just adorable?" Demyx asked me and I nodded. He deserves even better. God that smile can probably cure cancer and solve world hunger…it's just that amazing.

"We should all go see a movie." Axel suggested and Roxas nodded at the idea.

"I'm in." Demyx shrugged and I nodded. I had nothing better to do, and honestly, I felt glad that I didn't have to go home and be all alone until school the next day.

We all walked the fifteen minutes to the movie theatre and they talked about homework and classes, including me in the conversation with any 'yes' or 'no' questions available.

"This one looks good." Axel pointed to a poster of an action movie.

"I heard that was awesome!" Roxas looked really excited.

"I heard it's got tons of suspense!" Demyx looked way too happy for that and I must have looked scared cause Axel laughed at me.

"You don't want to see it?" He asked with a smirk. I shrugged.

"It does look like it's scary." Roxas paused to think.

"It'll be fine." Demyx smiled and it hypnotized me to nod along. Before I realized it, we were sitting down, me at one end, then Demyx, then Axel, and then Roxas.

Demyx bought my ticket so I bought a drink for us to share and popcorn….ok so I gave him the munny and he ordered it. Axel got some stuff for himself and Roxas and they were already halfway done with their popcorn by the time the movie started.

The first half wasn't so bad, but once it started to pick up, I noticed that I was actually getting into it.

"You ok?" Demyx whispered, probably to check up on me. I gave him a puzzled look. I didn't really know. It was entertaining, but it was getting a little intense. "It's ok." He put an arm around me and I snuggled into it. His blue cotton sweater was so soft it made me want to fall asleep.

"Zexion. Zexion. Zexiiooon!" Demyx's harsh whisper startled me. I blinked slowly. Shit. I fell asleep. I looked around and the entire theatre was empty, except for Demyx and me.

"The movie ended like twenty minutes ago. We should probably leave." He gently helped me off of his shoulder. I wanted to apologize, so I texted it on my phone and held it up for him to read.

"It's ok. You just looked so peaceful, I couldn't wake you up. But then the manager said that there's another showing soon, so I had to. Anyways, Axel and Roxas left already, so it's just us now." I gave him a puzzled look, and after a week with me, Demyx was pretty much able to read my mind. "I don't know where they went, but I'm sure that them making out during the movie is only going to continue now that it's over." Demyx blushed as he spoke and I found it to be cute.

"So, what time do you have to be home by?" he asked and I shook my head. "Did you want to call it a day or hang out some more? One nod means go home, two means hang out." Demyx usually gave me choices like that and I was ok with it cause it allowed me to communicate more than just 'yes' and 'no'.

I nodded twice.

"Awesome! Well, we can go eat, or we can go back to my place if you want." Demyx shrugged and I nodded. "My place?" I nodded again. I wanted to get to know him more. I wanted to talk to him. I wanted to be with him and date him. But since none of that is possible, just being next to him is as good as it'll get.

We had just left the movie theatre when I got a text from my aunt, telling me to get my 'sorry ass home'. I sighed and gave my phone the death glare.

"Everything ok?" he asked and I showed him my phone. "We can hang out tomorrow if you want?" He suggested and I nodded. "I had a great time with you." He smiled and I nodded back, initiating a hug.

"Aww, thanks." He was so adorable as he held me tightly, rubbing my back, calming me down in every way. "Remember Zexion, you're very special and mean a lot to people, even if they don't say it." He cupped my cheek and I wanted to hold his hand. I wanted to kiss him. I wanted to stay in his hug forever.

"I'll see you tomorrow at school." He waved and walked away as I stood there, wondering why I was special enough for him to care.

I regretted the entire walk home; I was angry at my aunt for making me end a perfect day with Demyx. I could only imagine what we'd do at his house. Ok I didn't mean for it to sound as dirty as it sounds in my head, but maybe…maybe I do. I've never really been that intimate with anyone, but I'd sure love to with him. If he's perfectly comfortable with me sleeping on his shoulder, I wonder what else will come next. And for a second, I thought he was going to kiss me right before he left. Maybe I'm getting ahead of myself, but I cant help but hope that there could be something there. I mean, yeah, I like my privacy and I still consider myself to be an outcast and a freak like everyone thinks I am, but when I'm with Axel and Demyx, I don't feel that way.

I considered all of this as I continued my walk home, and once I turned the block, I knew that something was wrong. There was a police car and an ambulance outside of my aunt's house and I ran my hardest to the front door.

"Hey, kid, it's blocked off!" Some officer yelled at me but I ran in anyway, under the restricted yellow tape.

My aunt was sobbing, my uncle hung his head low, and a stretcher was pulling out a body bag.

"Kid, did you hear me?" The officer followed me in, but I was already panting and panicking on the inside.

"It's ok, he lives here." My uncle said and I couldn't stop shaking my head.

No. No. Goddammit just no!

I fell to my knees. She couldn't have died. I know she was old and I knew that she was sick….but today? Why? I thought at least another four or five months. At least! But why? Why today? I started crying, my face in my hands, unsure of what to think of myself in my open vulnerability.

I am now truly alone.

The police talked to my uncle as they carried my grandmother's body out of the house. My aunt locked herself in her room as I did the same. My grandmother was the one thing keeping me together, or as together as I consider myself to be.

For about three years she's lived with my aunt and uncle, and although I've only been here for less than a month, I knew that I'd need her to survive. I used to go back and forth from living with my mom to living with my aunt, sometimes for weeks, months, or even a year at a time. I didn't have a preference until my grandmother got too sick to live on her own. Once she moved in with my aunt, I wanted to live with them. Of course, that's when my mother wasn't fucking up as much so legally I had to stay with her. But once she relapsed into drugs, I came back here.

I was never allowed to be alone with my grandma. Ever since I was little, I was labeled as a problem child. My aunt said that she never trusted me alone with her. My grandmother lost her ability to talk two years ago, but whenever I'd sneak into her room at night to just sit at her bedside, she'd smile. She never talked to me. We just held hands. At first, she'd write to me and I'd write back, even if I was going through a talking phase. I didn't want her to feel alone by being the only silent one. She'd tell me that she was getting old and that I had to accept that. She told me that she was ok with it because she's in pain. I'd tell her that I didn't want her to go, but then she'd smile at me and write how she'll be in a better place, saving my spot for when I got old and was ready. I used to cry a lot with her. I felt safe when I cried in front of her. Even though she was weak, she'd still hold me.

When her condition got really bad, I snuck in more often. Her room was usually locked and my aunt would give her food and she had bedpans and stuff, but I learned quickly how to break in undetected. My grandmother and I used the same damn whiteboard every night to write to each other and ask each other questions as we just sat in the silence. There were a lot of times when I'd sneak in and she'd be asleep, so I'd stay up and just sit next to her. Other times, I'd just wander back to my room and lay in bed, wondering if she really has to die.

I remember when I got yelled at by my aunt for coming home late one day. It was just a few weeks ago, and I went for a walk and when I came back, she was panicking and screaming at me, telling me that I was a nuisance and just a painful reminder of a failure of a sister that she has, of my mom. I'd have to agree with her on that one, but still, it hurt to hear. She reminded me that they didn't have to give me a home or food or anything, and that she and my uncle can dump me off at an orphanage. If it weren't for my grandmother, I would have begged them to.

That night, I went into my grandmothers room, and even she heard my aunt screaming at me for that entire hour. I went to her side, and cried as she held me. By then, she was very fragile and weak. Her handwriting was barely legible, but she told me that she was the fail for the way that my mom is, and that none of it is my fault. She even apologized to ME for the life I have. And lastly, she told me that she loved me.

The last time I spent time with her was three nights ago. The past two nights I went in her room, she was asleep and I could tell that she needed rest, so I left her alone. Those three nights ago, she couldn't write to me. Her hands hurt too much. I wrote to her that I had friends at school and she smiled at me. I could tell that she was happy for me. I told her that I might have even been in love, and even though I never said that it was with a guy, I just know that she'd still be happy for me. She pointed to my heart and gave me a shaky thumbs up. I wanted to smile, but all I could do was sit there and silently cry. She shook her finger at me, and pointed to me, and then put her hand over her heart and patted it. Then, she pointed to herself, then patted my heart. I broke down just before she fell asleep. I should have seen it coming.

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Ok, so here is where it's starting to get both better and worse. It may seem a bit hectic, and that's probably just because I have NO time to write, so I apologize if it comes off as sloppy. But at the same time, it's how I want to reflect Zexion's life, so I guess it works :P Anywho, it is about to start getting heavier, but it wont be too overwhelming. Thanks for reading!<p>

To Kind Of Badger: Hmm, yes, that would have been a very easy solution and it probably would have been better with all the homework I had, but it'd go against my code if I left a story so ….plain… lol. I wont spoil the end in any way, but there is a lot to happen before we reach that point. I'll just leave it at that. Demyx really is a sweetheart, isn't he? And Axel is always adorable. I'm glad that you noticed that. In my story No More Broken Promises, I want the reader to hate Roxas in the beginning, to see the character as how I truly created it. But in this story, it's not about hate, it's about a need for change. I'm SO glad that you see that ^_^ Aww, thank you! I'll do that tomorrow ;P lol. Thanks, it's rough cause I almost relapsed a month ago…..bad times….but you just got to stay strong. So I'm writing this as a gift to myself. Although I was never as unstable as Zexion is, I want to make that clear lol. The story is WAY much more dramatic and intense than my life ever was, thankfully lol

To KidaKama: I'm really glad that you like it. I wont stop writing it, I promise. I'm actually putting ALL other stories on hold so I can work on this one. That's how seriously I take this one. Plus I have too much homework to write as much as I'd like anyway :P Thank you for your honesty and I hope that this story serves as an encouragement. I've been there too with the emo stage which I'm still struggling to get out of after 5 years of it. As for the curious stage, I'm just entering that as of a month ago, so we'll see where it leads, if anywhere lol . Thank you, I really appreciate your feedback. I will continue and I truly hope that I don't let you down!

To myfishy3: WOOHOO! Glad I could add to the BEST DAY EVER! Black Bulter = yaoi in my eyes lmao. I'd so pay to see Sebastian and Ciel….anyway….lol. My classes are stressful but it's college :P it wont last forever, and thank you for the concern ^_^ I hope your con went awesome and that your day is even better! Hahaha, well lucky you, cause I wouldn't ever make my fans wait a month before I update, unless they are waiting for a sequel, in which case I'd start posting a short story to entertain them till its ready. Although, I do hope you reread this as much as you'd like!

To Casper: Hey, good to hear from you! Thank you so uber much for that positive review! I hope the wait wasn't too long lol ^_^

Thank you everyone for reading! Again, it's about to get heavier and better all at once. I don't know how I'm going to pull that off, but I will try lol.

Heart, Sarabellum


	4. I Wanted To Die

That next day I didn't go to school. I didn't get out of bed. Even though I did hesitate because of Demyx, I just couldn't bear to see his pure smile and know what shit was going on inside of me.

Instead, I stayed in bed and smoked pot…cause that's what I'm known for being good at. Yeah, I've been smoking weed for about two or maybe even three years now. I don't do it daily, but whenever shit happens, it's a way to calm me down. I've tried a bunch of different kinds of things, ecstasy, and shooting up, but I try to stick to pot unless I'm really desperate.

Even though I felt like I hit rock bottom, the pot was helping and being able to sit in my room alone really helped. Until, my aunt ruined it all.

"Oh, so now you're going to cut school and fuck around here?" My aunt stumbled into my room, clearly drunk and crying.

I ignored her and tossed over in bed. I had just finished smoking and my room smelled like shit and I'm sure that my eyes were red.

"Get up you fucking piece of shit!" She screamed at me.

"Honey, leave him alone." My uncle came in and saved me. I know that he wasn't so much doing it for my safety, but for hers. I know he doesn't care about me either.

"I want that brat and his drugs out of here!" My aunt wailed and even with my face in my pillow, I could feel her icy glare.

"Come on, let's get you back in bed." My uncle said but then I felt something hard hit my back. I huddled up into a ball as I heard them struggle. She was probably trying to throw things at me and he was probably trying to stop her, but I didn't care anymore.

"Get out! You ungrateful little waste of life! Your daddy didn't want you, your mommy doesn't want you, and neither do I!" she screamed and I sat up to see her being dragged out by my uncle. He shut my door and I fell back on my bed.

Part of me wished that I had Demyx there to hold me and make me feel better, but at the same time, I knew that all he'd really do is make me realize what I don't have. Maybe ignorance truly is bliss? Maybe I am better off all alone?

I sighed as I pulled my phone out of my pocket. Fuck my aunt. Just fuck my life. I texted my drug dealer, who goes by Sephiroth, although I doubt that his real name. He knows that I don't talk, so it's nice to have a dealer who does it just for the munny. Then again, that's why everyone deals.

"Ienzo? What can I do for you?" Sephiroth asked back in text. Ienzo was my 'drug' name, my alias so that I wouldn't be caught in case someone squealed. We all had fake names.

"I need some heavy stuff. Now." I responded

"What's the rush? Just looking for another fix?" Sephiroth's voice is deep and a bit intimidating when I see him in person, so I'm glad that this was all over text.

"It's been about four days since I shot up, I cant take it anymore. Fucking home bullshit." I complained and Sephiroth stayed true to his jack-ass self.

"I don't care about your drama, just your munny."

"You'll get it. The usual for the usual?" I always bought the same amount for the same price.

"You got it. I'll meet you at the usual spot. Bring the cash."

"Oh, and I want some E." I figured I might as well buy it now while I'm seeing him.

"Ecstasy? What kind are you looking for?"

"What do you have?"

"A bunch of wild shit. Is it just for you?"

"Yeah." I replied, feeling a bit pathetic that I didn't even have friends to shoot up with. You can pretty much find any piece of scum who'd shoot up or smoke with anyone, but even I was stuck alone. Maybe it's cause I don't talk. When you're high, you want to be entertained. For me, I just want to escape.

"I'll bring a special deal for you. They're legit; I had some two days ago. Gave me a nice trip." Sephiroth texted back so I responded.

"Deal." I closed my phone and got ready to sneak out my window to go get my drugs. I don't shoot up often, which is rare cause it's so addicting to everyone else. I do crave it from time to time, but if I smoke pot or take ecstasy, I can usually mellow out some of my withdraws.

I met Sephiroth as planned, handed him the cash, and took my shit back to my room, entering through the window.

Fuck. I forgot how badly I wanted to shoot up. I took out the syringe and I already started shaking. No. Calm down. I can't put the needle in if I'm moving. I exhaled and found a nice vein. SLSH. My veins tingled. It's been just a few days but every time I do it, I feel like I'm needing t more. I guess it really is addicting. Whatever, I don't need to think of that right now. Right now, I'm escaping.

My head felt heavy and absent all at the same time. I started to feel a little sick, but my mind was so relaxed that I thought I was going to pass out or fall asleep. I didn't care which it was. Fuck. It felt good. I sat there for hours, just sitting on my bed, looking around, feeling detached from this world as my head swayed from side to side.

I was actually getting tired, which must have been from all the weed I had earlier. Whenever I smoke pot, I get real calm and tired and just peaceful. Mixed with the small dose I shot up with, I was ready to just waste away for the entire night and maybe even the next day. I didn't expect to be able to sleep, but even just sitting in silence was close enough.

"Get up." My uncle walked into my room just as I was about to fall asleep.

I ignored him. If he wanted me up, he'd have to pull me up. Well, he did.

"Get up!" He yanked my arm and got me on my feet. "Pack your shit." He ordered and I shook my head lazily. Fuck, I didn't know what was going on.

"You're moving out of here whether you like it or not." He stared me dead in the eye. "You little fucker! You're high aren't you?" I stood there weakly, his strength keeping my weak body up. "Arent you?" He demanded an answer, but I only burped. My head hurt and I was starting to feel the whole room sway.

"You have two days before I drop your ass off at the nearest orphanage." He pushed me back on my bed and left. I fell on my bed and knocked out, dead asleep. That next day, I didn't wake up till one in the afternoon. I didn't know if anyone was home or not, and I didn't care. I shot up again, finishing the little remains of what was left from the day before and smoked pot at the same time. I felt good.

Yeah. Real good. So fucking good. I could have even smiled if I tried. Haha. Tried. Fuck my head. Mmmm, I feel good. I want someone to feel good with. Mmmm, Demyx. Fuck, I wonder what he'd think if he knew I did drugs. But oh it feels so good. Fuck I don't know where I am. Oh my room. Mmm, why is it spinning? Fuck I'm running out of weed already. Have I been smoking that much? I cant stop, it just feels so good. My head isn't even here. I'm not even here. Where am I? Mmm, I don't give a shit. I feel good and nothing hurts. Nothing hurts.

"If you think that I cant smell that, you're twice as stupid as you look." My uncle waltzed right into my room, but I didn't give a fuck. I felt good.

"I'm going to call the cops on your drug addicted ass and get you the hell out of here!" My uncle yelled as I inhaled more of my roll.

"Fuck you, I'm not going to waste any more of my life concerned about you." He waved it all off and left. Go ahead. Call the cops. Get me out of this shit-hole of a house.

The weed was good but when I reached the end, I knew that I was going to hate it. Already I wanted to shoot up more, but I was out. I had the munny to buy more, but I didn't want to leave. I felt good and I didn't want to ruin that.

Shit. My head was starting to hurt. Maybe I didn't feel as good. I just needed to lie down. I fell backwards, lying in my bed, wanting to sleep so badly.

I missed the past two days of school. Should I even bother showing up for the next? Who'd care if I just stopped? Demyx. Mmm, he's my ecstasy. Maybe if I see him, I wont need to smoke or shoot up? Maybe we can shoot up together? I passed out before I woke up at two in the morning.

From two till six, I laid in my bed, my fingers circling over my arms. I had so many scars. Needle marks, cuts, bruises. It was evident that I didn't take care of myself. No one did. I hated myself. I hate how I do drugs, how I cut, and how I still thought that maybe Demyx would want me if he knew. I needed to stop. No more drugs, no more cutting. Easier said than done, but I cant risk losing Demyx. Then again, he might as well be gone. I'm going to an orphanage anyway, so it's not like I'll see him again. Still, I wouldn't want to see his face if he knew I did drugs. I had to stop. Cold turkey. No, I cant do that. No one can. I wonder what sex is like high? Fuck, stop!

I sat up in bed, silently crying as I stared at my arms. I was so hurt inside and out. There is no recovery.

That next morning, I didn't want to go to school; I didn't want to have to explain anything to Axel or Demyx as to why I was absent or why I look like I'm fucking dead. But I guess it beats staying at home and getting yelled and screamed at now that I'm out of pot.

I walked in math late, intentionally, and took a random seat. I tried to fall asleep on my desk but I couldn't, so when the bell rang, I sighed and got ready for Chemistry.

"Hey, Zexion!" Demyx ran up to me as I took my time getting my backpack on. "Where were you?" He asked and I just shook my head.

"You ok?" Axel joined us and I shook my head before I brushed past them and left for the bathroom.

I walked into the biggest stall and locked the door, falling to the floor, and just cried silently. I wanted to shoot up; I wanted pot; I wanted to cut so deeply that all my blood would spill and I could be done with it all.

After a full minute alone, I heard footsteps and then a loud sigh.

"Zexion, you ok?" It was Demyx but I didn't answer. "I'm coming in." He said, and I anticipated for him to give up once he realized that the door was locked, but right away, he crawled underneath.

"Zexion?" He crawled next to me and I shook my head. He's such a dummy. Such a sweet, caring, beautiful dummy. "What's wrong?" He asked and I typed it out on my phone before I showed him. I told him how my grandmother died and how I wont be able to stay at this school or see him again cause I have to go to an orphanage. I didn't tell him about the drugs or cuts. I couldn't ever tell him. I couldn't live with myself after seeing his disappointment.

"Oh Zexion!" Demyx through his arms around me. Dammit. He was warmer than I remembered. Every time he inhaled, I did too, and the feeling of our bodies meshing together made me want to ball up and stay there forever. Fuck shooting up. Fuck pot. Fuck fucking ecstasy. His arms is where its at.

"It's going to be ok. It'll all work out. Don't worry." He whispered in my ear but I could only shake my head. "You have to stay positive Zexion." Demyx broke the hug and cupped my face. Then, he bent my forehead down and kissed it. Technically it was my hair, cause it covered half of my face, but I still loved the way it felt. "It'll all be ok." He smiled and even though his eyes were watering, I believed him. I nodded. I wanted him to kiss me again. I bent my head down and he chuckled before he did something that no one's ever done before. He pushed my bangs behind me ear and kissed my temple. It zapped my headache away for that split second.

"You are loved. Whether people say it or not, and even if you don't believe it, you are." Demyx smooched my cheek and I nodded slowly. We each went to our own classes and Demyx texted Axel what was bothering me, and Axel didn't panic or freak out like I expected him to. He apologized, gave me his number, and told me that he was always going to be here for me. I thanked him with a nod and we went through our entire day in silence, even when Roxas joined us in fourth period P.E. I saw Axel texting him and I saw Roxas look all sad and like he sympathized with me, which was nice, but I'm really glad that no one brought it up again. The need for drugs was there, but I was coping just fine whenever I got to look at Demyx. Shit, he really is my drug.

"What should we do now?" Axel broke the long term silence after we all met at our lockers when school got out.

"What do you want to do?" Demyx asked me and I shrugged. I didn't care. I just didn't want to go back home.

"Well, Roxas and I were going to go see another movie." Axel suggested but Demyx didn't look too interested.

"Did you still want to go to my place?" He asked me and I nodded.

"Alright, we'll catch up later." Axel waved and he and Roxas said goodbye before Demyx and I walked to his house, the entire way, in silence.

"Home sweet home," He threw open the front door and closed it. "No one will be home for a while." He said and that made me a little happy.

"Do you want something to eat or drink?" he asked, but I shook my head. "My room's in here." He led the way and sat on his bed, sighing heavily out his nose. I joined him at his side. "Zexion, please, talk to me." He asked but I didn't respond at all in any way. He sighed. "I guess now isn't the best time." He looked so sad, it made me feel responsible and shitty. He had a whiteboard on his desk with a marker, so I got it and brought it back to his bed.

"I'm really sorry I'm like this." I wrote, but he erased it and took the marker.

"Don't be. Don't ever apologize for who you are. As long as you're striving to be your best, that's all people should ever ask of you." He smiled and I nodded, taking the marker.

"I'm not the best that I can be. I wish I could tell you more, but I cant. I wish I wasn't so sad. I wish I could talk. I want to, but I just cant. I'm sorry."

"It's fine. I just like spending time with you. But it would be nice to your that beautiful voice that I know is in there." Demyx wrote and when I read those words, a small flutter went on inside my heart.

"I love spending time with you. You make me forget all the pain. You're the best friend I've ever had." I wrote and he smiled.

"Thank you, I really appreciate that. You're a great guy Zexion. You really are." I almost smiled, almost. I could feel my face moving in a way it hasn't in a while.

"Thanks, you have no idea how much that means to me. I only wish what you were saying were true."

"It is! I don't want you to go to an orphanage." He wrote and when he handed me the markers, I saw that his eyes were all watery again.

"Me either. But I cant stay where I live now. It's even worse." I wrote back. At least in the orphanage it'll be impossible for me to get a hold of Sephiroth. I know that I want drugs, but I know that I need to stop. Cutting alone is something I struggle with…I don't need all this extra shit.

"I'm going to miss you, a lot." He wrote and then brushed his cheek with his thumb, probably erasing any evidence of a tear.

"I already miss you." I wrote and he smiled.

"Zexion?" He wrote, even with a question mark.

"Demyx?" I wrote back and waited. He held the board up to his chest, scribbled, put down the marker, and exhaled loudly. Then he turned the board around.

"I love you." Is what was written on that board and I could feel myself reacting to it. I felt happy and even lucky to be loved by someone like him. At the same time, I wondered why my life had to keep getting worse like this. Why do I have to be teased like this? Would he reject me if only he knew?

I took the marker and wrote underneath his words. When I finished, I looked at him. I could tell that he was nervous and probably in anticipation.

"I love you more." I wrote and when he read it, he smiled wide.

"Zexion, I don't want you to go." He said out loud, his voice getting weak. I didn't even know what to do, so I forced myself in his arms, which he quickly widened for me.

"I know I was so positive earlier, but now that I realize that you're leaving, I'm scared." Demyx whispered in my ear. I nodded. I was scared shitless. "I just want to hold you forever." Demyx squeezed me and I squeezed back. I moved to his side and we each held each other, just sitting there, silent.

"I want to take advantage of the little time we have left." He smiled shyly and I nodded. If he meant what I think he meant, then I was all for it. I'd go all the way right then and there if he asked. I didn't want to miss out on an opportunity that I may never see again.

"I want to give you a nickname too." He giggled to himself and I nodded. I've never had one before, except things like 'emo-freak' and 'loser'.

"Hmmm, lets see. Zexion, Zexion, Zex…Zex!" He shouted and nuzzled his nose in my neck, tickling me. "Reminds me of sex." He said seductively and I subconsciously bit my lower lip. "I want to be one with you Zexion. So badly." He stared deep into my visible eye, then he moved my bangs, and readjusted his gaze. I nodded. I wanted him so fucking bad. Maybe sex could be an alternate of that high that I've been craving?

He rested his hand on my neck and I felt lightheaded all over again. What was he doing to me? How could he control my heartbeat and my breathing so easily?

"I love you," he whispered as he brought his lips to mine.

He wasn't my first kiss, but it felt like it. I swear on my life that I've never felt so satisfied and complete before, and his lips were so warm and soft against my cold chapped pair, I was actually embarrassed about it. "You're so cold." He said in a hushed voice and I nodded. I was cold. Inside and out.

"Let me hold you." He begged and I nodded back desperately. I scooted even closer to him as he rested one hand on my neck and the other at my side.

Immediately, we started kissing again. He sucked on my lower lip and I nudged my face closer, demanding for more. With his hand on my side, he rubbed my bare skin under my shirt and I couldn't fight my bodies urges to move as if to encourage it.

"I want to touch you." He said shakily and I nodded. I wanted to touch and be touched as well. We continued kissing as he rubbed his hand harder and then, he broke the kiss to laugh.

"You're hard." He giggled and I blushed a deep red. "Do you want me to fix it?" he asked and I nodded before he took my lips captive again. While we kissed he fumbled with my belt. He couldn't get it out of the buckle and it was kind of funny. In the movies and books and all, it's always so perfect. Here, in his room, it was cute how hard he struggled.

"Fuck!" He broke the kiss and stared at my belt buckle, finally able to get it off. "Where did you buy this thing?" he asked and I shrugged. "You're so cute." He unzipped my pants and returned back to my side, making out with me, his tongue deep in my mouth before he plunged his hand in my pants.

Right away I yelped into the kiss. His hand was extremely warm, hot even as he squished my underwear.

He moved to have his back against the headboard and patted his lap, where I sat straddling him. He pushed up on my shirt but I whimpered and shook my head. I didn't want him to see the scars.

"Ok." He stopped and looked away, sad. I whimpered again, placing my hand on his chest. I wanted to continue. I wanted to do things with him. Dirty things. Things you only do with people you care about and know that they care about you. It wasn't just because I was horny. I just missed feeling like I could make someone feel good, and I don't even mean in a sexual way.

I tugged up on his shirt like an impatient child.

"I don't want to be the only one naked Zex." He said and I looked away. I wanted to touch him, to feel his hard on, to suck his balls and to have mine be touched and licked too. I just wanted to be close to him. I'd do anything; just as long as he didn't see my arms.

I kept my underwear on and was about to pull my hard dick out when he put a hand up to my chest.

"We're moving too fast. I like you. A lot. And I know that you're nodding that you like me but," he looked away, sad. "I cant be with someone who cant actually tell me that they love me. We may never see each other again. Isn't that reason enough to at least tell me, just once, that you love me?" Demyx finished and I could feel my chest collapsing and rising before crashing again. I was breathing loudly, about to go into cries.

"I love you Zexion, and I think I deserve to hear it back. If you cant, that's fine. It's just a sign that maybe, maybe we aren't meant for each other." He shook his head, confused just as much as I was, I could see it. He returned his gaze at me, both of us with tears in our eyes. I wanted to talk. I wanted to open my mouth but I couldn't. It wasn't even a matter of will, but of capability. It's like I forgot how to reproduce sound. I was afraid that if I opened my mouth, some hideous sound would come out and scare him away forever.

I put my hand on his thigh and rubbed it roughly. Maybe if I made him hard enough, he'd forget about what he said?

"No, stop!" He yelled and swatted my hand. I drew it back and held onto it with my other hand. It stung and I was officially crying.

"I just told you that I didn't want to do things with you." He sounded frustrated and it scared me. I sniffled. Had I already scared him away? That's all I've ever been good for.

In one last attempt to reconcile, I raised a cupped palm to his cheek, but he turned the other way.

"Stop teasing me. If you cant tell me that you love me, then there's no reason for you to be here." Demyx wouldn't look at me and for once I wished he would. I had tons of silent tears streaming down my face.

Why? Why do people insist that I let them in if they're only going to kick me out? How could anyone be so cruel? I was getting angry. This was his damn fault for inviting me over and making out with me. I'm the innocent one. All along, that's all I've ever been. A victim. Well I'm fucking sick of it!

I threw a pillow off of his bed and stormed out of his bedroom. I walked through the living room and slammed the front door behind me. I was pissed. I huffed my entire way back home. So sick of all this bullshit. My whole life people told me to shut up; I wish they'd makeup their goddamn minds. I didn't ask him to love me. He confessed to me. He should expect anything in return. That's love! Right? Fuck if I know. Fuck if I care.

I'm so fucking sick of people treating me like a dumb faggot of a mute. There's nothing wrong with me. It's the rest of the world. Everyone out there is in it to hurt me and I'm just trying to survive. Why? Why do I even care? I don't want to live anymore. I never asked to be born. I never asked to be here so why should I wait to leave? I can leave right now. In fact, I think I will…

I went home and remembered that I bought ecstasy from Sephiroth, so I opened my dresser and downed all the pills. I found my secret stash of speed that I keep hidden even from myself. I bought it about two months ago, and I kept it as an emergency in case something super bad happened. I guess I must have forgotten about it the last time I contacted Sephiroth, but I'm so glad that I had it. While I waited for the ecstasy to kick in, I shot up into my arm, pushing in every last bit that I had.

Then, I went to my room. Should I write a will? Or at least a goodbye note? Why? Why should I? Who's going to read it? Who'd care?

I started pacing my floor, unable to sit still for a little while as I paced back and forth and just thought about everything and nothing all at once and my head hurt but I was rolling on ecstasy and I didn't give a fuck cause no one gave a fuck and who will help me if I don't?

Fuck my stomach started to hurt. I couldn't puke it up or else it wouldn't work, right? Ugh, the pain increased so much it almost nullified the ecstasy that was giving me a nice high. I went on my bed and made my peace with death. I was ready. I am ready.

I wanted to die. Fuck my stomach hurt. I wanted to die. Now it was spreading to my head. I wanted to die. Why cant I think anymore? I wanted to die. Why did Demyx leave me? I wanted to die. Why did my grandma have to die? I wanted to die. Why did my mom have to be a drug addict? I wanted to die. Why do I have to be just like her? I wanted to die. Why did my dad have to kill himself? I wanted to die. Why am I trying to be like him? I wa-…..

The End

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><p>Author's Note: So this chapter has a LOT of significance. I'm posting this today, on my bday, cause it's been one year since I last cut myself and since I last tried to use a substance to cope with pain. I'm not asking for pity or sympathy, but I'd like this chapter to go out to anyone reading this who is, was, or might struggle through the pains of not being secure with themselves. So thank you for reading.<p>

To Kidakama: Yeah, I actually almost relapsed today, so I totally understand. Once you start, its hard to forget about it all. I'd like the curiosity stage, if I had someone to experience it with lmao. I'm glad that you liked the last chapter!

To The Lonely Blitz: I know, I feel bad that I keep doing that to him, but well, I cant say anything anymore, sorry .

To Shadowridge: I'm really sorry for your loss. I'm sorry if my writing brought out emotions that weren't wanted while you read.

To myfishy3: Hahaha, NO, Don't feel like a creeper! If anything, I'm the creeper for looking forward to your reviews! I'm glad that you appreciate how fast I try to post, I would hate to keep you all waiting! Zexion is always adorable, only this chapter really wasn't very happy .

To ForeverUke: Hey, whats up? Lol Dude, banana helicopters are so holy :P Thanks for reading.

To kindofbadger: Yeah, that shift is something that I'm good at, which is what makes me too dramatic of a writer, but I cant help it . I'm glad that you saw that shift for the reasons I intended.

Thank you everyone for reading! This very well could be the end of the story, no more, the end. El fin. …guess you'll have to follow this and see if I ever bother to add to it…

Love, Sarabellum


	5. Simple and Clean

I opened my eyes to see white. All white. Pure white. Was I dead? There was no sound, no feeling. Just…simple and clean white.

I took a few steps, but there was no ground beneath me. It was just white, just like what was in front of me, behind me, above me. Everywhere. I was dead. I had to be. I hit myself. Nothing. I took another step, and it hardly felt or looked like I moved.

Could this be heaven? No, I didn't deserve to go there. So…is this hell? I always pictured more fire and red, but I'll take this. I took a few more steps but I wasn't making any progress and it started to frustrate me. Was I actually dead?

I was contemplating if I went to heaven or hell when I saw something in the distance. It was a woman, walking, shakily. She looked familiar. Holy shit! It was my grandmother! Quickly I started running, but my feet got me nowhere. I was getting angry. No matter how hard or fast I tried to run, I wasn't moving. It was like being on a treadmill the way I kept trying and failing.

I tried waiving to get her attention, but she couldn't see me. This had to be hell. I mean, I know my grandmother wouldn't be in hell, but this teasing couldn't exist anywhere else. I dropped to my knees and started crying. I wanted to scream. But I didn't know how. I wanted to yell. But I didn't know how.

"Poor Zexion." I heard, so I looked up to see my grandmother standing over me. I stood up, tried to touch her, but she was just outside my reach. "If only you talked you wouldn't be in this mess. That's all anyone ever wanted from you." She shook her head at me and I cried. It was because of her that I started my silent-phases.

"It's not too late Zexion. You can go back. Go back. Talk. Enjoy what you have before it's truly gone forever." My grandmother said and I nodded. "Do you want to go back?" She asked and I nodded quickly. I didn't want to die. No, I didn't want to die. I had Axel and Demyx and even Roxas and Ms. Aerith were nice to me. I didn't want to die. I wanted to go back.

"If you want to go back, you'll have to say so." She ticked a finger at me and I got angry. Of course, even in hell I'd have to talk. "Just say, 'I want to go back' and you will. If not, you'll proceed downstairs." She said and I knew what that meant. So I wasn't in hell…not yet. Wait! I'm going to hell? No, I don't want to! I started to panic.

"Just those five words Zexion. Please, for me?" She asked and I nodded. I wanted to say it, but damn was it hard. "No? Alright, I will escort you down." She turned around but I wouldn't budge. Then, the floor beneath me moved me up to these stairs and I looked down to see red, fire, and I heard screams.

"I want to go back!" I screamed and the last thing I saw was my grandmother smiling at me.

"Good choice." She smiled brightly before I closed my eyes again and saw nothingness.

"Ready?" I heard but saw nothing.

"Zexion!" That was another voice. Still, nothingness.

"Three!" my ears were the only thing working.

"Zexion please!" I heard begging, but even the voice lacked distinction.

"He needs to go to the hospital." Someone said and I could feel my head swirling.

"Zex!" I heard and right away I knew it was Demyx. Demyx! I wanted to open my eyes but I couldn't.

"Into the ambulance." Someone else said and when I finally was able to open my eyes, I saw Axel holding onto Demyx outside my house. Where was I? I looked around and realized that I was on a stretcher, going into an ambulance. I couldn't move any part of me except my eyes.

"Zexion!" Demyx shouted just as the paramedic shut the door with me inside.

"Hang in there!" They told me before I passed out again.

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><p>Author's Note: HA! You all thought I ended it! Hahaha, sorry, I couldn't resist that little tease. This story is FAR from over. There will be much more drama, angst, love, romance, MAYBE even a lemon…so please, get addicted ;P<p>

To 18plusforme: No, they don't. Ok, they do, but in the end, drugs only enslave you. My ex/bff is nearly addicted and it is SO painful to watch and my heart really goes out to his struggles and attempts to stay clean. It is NOT worth it. And nope, not the end ^_^

To emerald7: Hehehe, I DIDN'T end now! I'm so sorry for putting you through that, but I hope that you'll forgive meh! I cant tell you what's to come, but I can promise you that it will be worth the wait ^_^ Awww, thank you! That is So sweet of you. I really appreciate it. I'm glad that you like how I captured emotions. There are many more to come! Thanks for reviewing/reading

To AkixYusei: It's not the end! Far from it!

To CatlinP1997: I'm glad that you weren't expecting that to be the end, cause I just hate stories that don't seem to have closer. I agree, in real life, that's very much an expectable ending. But not in my fanfics where I like things to end as best they can. I hear your request and although I cant give away what kind of ending it will have, I can guarantee that there is still so much to come before the ending. I agree personally…..god I love your review! But my lips are sealed, unless you review again and I'll respond, but no spoilers! Lol ;P

To ForeverUke: Lol, well you knew earlier so I don't feel bad for tricking you lol, jk! We all have our moments of loneliness, and some get a better taste than others (hint, the title lmao). Awww, you are simply amazing my dear! Thank you for reviewing!

I just want to apologize for deceiving everyone by saying it was over! I couldn't help myself . but now it is back on and please prepare for an even MORE intense story to follow!

Heart, Sarabellum


	6. So Much To Accept

Was I dead again? All around me there was nothingness. I don't remember nothingness, but I do remember all the white. I couldn't see a thing, couldn't feel a thing, but I could hear this weird beeping. Over and over. Beep. My head hurt. Beep. Where was I? Beep. Wait, there's light! Beep. Fuck this beeping! Beep.

I groaned.

"Zexion! He's awake!" I blinked slowly. So I am alive? My eyes were starting to adjust to the blurs in front of me. There was yellow, red, and blue.

"Shh, he's probably exhausted." That voice was very distinct and familiar. Axel! Who else would be the source of that strong a red?

"He's….he's awake." That voice was shaking and sounded like it had been crying and screaming. It sounded hoarse and sorrowful.

My eyes focused once more and I saw Roxas, Axel, and Demyx right in front of me. Roxas' bright yellow blonde hair and Demyx's blue sweater became more distinct in my vision.

"Mm!" I tried to lift my hands out to Demyx, but I couldn't move them. Wait? Was I still in hell? I looked down to my wrists to see that they had been chained to my bed. I tried to kick, but my ankles were chained too. And what's worse? I was in a hospital gown…..my arms were out and bare full of fresh cuts, tiny holes, and deep scars.

"Zexion?" Demyx's voice was the cracking one, the one that sounded scratchy like he had been screaming a lot. I tried to move my hands, but those fucking restraints wouldn't let me move them a single inch. I started to wriggle.

"Hey, just calm down." Roxas tried to reassure me, but the feeling of being tied down started freaking me out. I wanted to shoot. I wanted ecstasy; I wanted to feel good and stop being stared at like a sick prisoner. Nothing's wrong with me! Why am I tied down? I started to panic, panting, flailing whatever I could move. Get me the fuck out of here!

"Nurse!" Axel yelled out the door and a woman in blue scrubs ran in.

"Hold him still." She ordered to another nurse who was right behind her. One held me down while the other shoved this thing in my mouth. It was like a mouth guard that athletes use with a handle sticking out my mouth. It stretched wide and I couldn't spit it out. I knew what it was for though. It was so that I wouldn't bite my tongue and kill myself. Then, they strapped this thing around my head so that I couldn't move it side to side, or even up and down. It felt so claustrophobic and it made me panic twice as much. The nurses left and I felt like I was officially at rock bottom.

Right away, I began sobbing. It hurt. I wanted it out. My wrists hurt. My ankles hurt. My head hurt. I wanted to be in Demyx's arms. This thing on my head felt so tight and my mouth felt so stretched, and I wouldn't be surprised if my ankles and wrists were now as red as Axel's hair.

"I cant do this." Demyx turned around and I cried harder. Did I scare him? Oh god...I scare him!

"He needs you." Axel said and Roxas slowly walked up to me. I knew him least of the three, and I could tell that he was a bit hesitant.

"He…he's scared." Roxas gulped and stood at my side. "It's ok Zexion." Roxas put a hand on my shoulder and I closed my eyes and whimpered.

"Come on," Axel whispered and walked over next to Roxas. "It's ok Zexion. We're all here and we're going to make sure that you're going to be taken care of, alright?" He asked and I whimpered loudly. I wanted these restraints gone. I wasn't going to hurt anyone. I wasn't going to hurt myself….well I guess I failed at proving that.

"Zex." Demyx walked up to my other side and I shifted my leaking eyes over. He put his hand in my restrained one and squeezed, so I squeezed back.

"I'm so sorry." Demyx sobbed and I cried harder.

"Dem, come on," Axel walked over to Demyx and held him. "You got to stay strong. Now's not the time for grieving." Axel rubbed Demyx's back while I sat upright in that fucking bed with those fucking restraints.

"Maybe we can ask the nurse to take some of this stuff off?" Roxas asked and I made whimper noises that sounded like begs.

"I'll be back." Axel walked out and came back in with another nurse. They took that thing off my head and unchained my ankles.

"What about that thing in his mouth?" Axel asked and she shook her head.

"His lips are bleeding though." Roxas said. They were? I didn't even notice. They were going numb cause it stretched my lips too far.

"Alright." She sighed and removed it as I panted, weeping softly. "The wrists have to stay put for his own safety." The nurse explained as she left. I kicked a little to enjoy my new freedom of motion.

"Shh, it's ok kiddo." Axel put a hand to my cheek and I blinked a tear out. I didn't want to be here.

"How do you feel?" Roxas asked. I shook my head, staring at Demyx, who kept his back to me. Why? Did he hate me?

"He's blaming himself for all this." Axel whispered and I tugged my body upward, trying to extend it towards Demyx as far as I could get with my wrists still tied down.

"Demyx!" Roxas called and when Demyx turned around, I cried for him.

"Hey Zex." Demyx wiped his messy tears and went back by my side. "I'm so sorry for what I did to you." He apologized and I shook my head. I didn't care. Fuck, I just wanted him to tell me that he loved me.

"You scared us, a lot." Axel said and it made me wonder how they even knew that I had been taken to the hospital.

"We were all worried." Roxas nodded along and Demyx put a hand to my face.

"Please, don't scare us again." He blinked a few tears free and I nodded.

"I know hearing this from me doesn't have the meaning it does when it comes from Demyx…but we do love you Zexion. We all do." Axel looked around to Roxas and Demyx, who both nodded.

"Yeah. You're our friend." Roxas smiled.

"And I love you, so much." Demyx kissed my cheek and I turned so that he could kiss the other. He smiled and did just that. Then I bent my head, and he chuckled. "Ok, all the kisses you want." He smiled before he kissed my forehead, nose, chin, and my eyelids. He's just fucking adorable like that. So…wait? That means that he doesn't hate me! He's seen my arms, right? How could he not? They're all red and scarred.

"Is he in here?" I heard a voice coming from the door and when we all looked, we saw Ms. Aerith walking in with flowers.

"Aerith!" Roxas greeted her with a hug.

"Hello boys." She hugged them before she got to me. "Zexion, on behalf of the school and myself, we'd like to give you these." She showed me yellow flowers and a card.

"Here, I'll take those." Axel said, since I couldn't even move my hands. I watched as he put them in a vase on a nightstand by my bed. There were a dozen red roses, a teddy bear, some sunflowers, and a couple other cards already there. I nodded over at them with a curious face so Roxas answered my internal question.

"We wanted to have stuff ready for whenever you woke up. You were asleep for two whole days." Roxas explained and I nodded slowly. Wow. I feel like I've been asleep for that long, so I guess it makes sense.

"Zexion, I'd like to talk to you alone when you're ready." Aerith said and I nodded. "Now?" She asked and I nodded. Might as well get it over with. Besides, I still felt so numbed and confused, I'd rather just add to it now than get over it and have to start all over in sorrow.

"We'll be back." Demyx kissed my cheek and left with Axel and Roxas to go get food.

"Zexion, as your school counselor, I was informed of your state and it concerned me deeply." She started and I just sat there still, knowing that there was more to come.

"I talked with the child services that are handling your case. They deemed your current living conditions unhealthy and unacceptable, so you are not permitted to go back with your aunt and uncle." I didn't have many feelings about that. I was glad that I didn't have to live there, but I was sad that I'd have to leave that school, which meant leaving my friends. And Demyx.

"Now, if you express that what you did was an intentional attempt to kill yourself, you will be put into a rehabilitation center for however long you're instructed to stay there. If you say that it was an accident gone wrong because you were sad that your grandmother died, they will cut you some slack. By this, I mean that if you say that you didn't intend to kill yourself, then they will allow you to live, under constant supervision, with someone who is a certified social worker and psychologist." She paused and I sighed. Where the fuck am I going to find one of those? And who would want a kid like me living with them?

"Now, I qualify." She said and all hope I've ever known to exist came to me. "But if you live with me, there will be rules and changes that you need to be flexible to meet, understand?" She asked and I nodded quickly. "Alright. I'm going to go talk to the agent, I'll be back. Get some rest Zexion." Aerith excused herself and left. I was alone for a whole hour, tired, hurt, just wanting my Demyx back. But…he didn't come. After the second hour, I fell asleep.

I stirred lightly, my nose twitching. I woke up to scratch it, but I couldn't move my hands. I freaked out before I opened my eyes and realized that I was still in the hospital. So it wasn't a dream? It was dark and cold and when I looked at the clock on the nightstand to my right, it read 2 am. When I sighed, I glanced left and saw that Axel, Roxas, and Demyx were all sleeping on the mini-couch in my room. There, in the dark stillness, I smiled. Yeah, a real smile. The first smile in months, and no one could even see it. They looked so funny and yet so….precious. Axel was on his back at the bottom, his long legs hanging off one end with his head bent backwards at the other, mouth wide open. Roxas was on his side and was clinging to Axel with his back to the cushions, looking rather comfortable. Demyx was lying on his stomach on Axel's stomach, looking restless.

I couldn't help but hold that smile, happy to see that those three did return, and that they cared enough to stay even when I was asleep. Those are friends. Real friends. Best friends. They didn't care that I self-harmed. They didn't care that I was a druggie. They just wanted me to heal.

I coughed and Demyx sat right up.

"Zexion?" he asked, and stood up, walking lazily towards me. "How do you feel?" He pulled a chair to my side and sat in it. He looked tired. I shrugged. "Zex…I'm really sorry." He apologized for like the hundredth time. I shook my head. "Are you ok?" He asked and I nodded. "Can I hug you?" He asked and I nodded desperately. He held me tightly and I jiggled my wrists, wanting so badly to hug him back. This wasn't fair. Why am I being treated like a prisoner? I cant handle the torture of not being able to hug him back.

"It's ok." He whispered to me, and kissed my cheek. "Zex, I still love you." He smiled and I nodded. "You love me too?" He asked and I nodded with small tears. "Shh, don't cry baby, don't cry." He hugged me again and I sniffled. I wanted out of this bed. I wanted my arms. I wanted to just hold and be held by him. I cried harder. This wasn't fair. I don't want to die anymore. I don't want to be here. I just want to get out. Why am I being tied down? I'm not going to hurt him. I know they don't want me hurting myself, but I need a hug. I needed to hug him back. Fuck I needed out.

"You should get some rest." He told me, but I shook my head. I didn't want to sleep unless it was in his arms. "Babe, you need rest. Your body is hurting a lot right now." Demyx put his hand over my heart and I could feel it beat faster. And then, the machine that was monitoring it picked up and increased the rate at which it went off, a clear sign of what he does to me. He smiled so wide and innocent, and then I couldn't help but smile back.

"Zex! You're….you're smiling!" He whispered with a wide smile and I nodded. "That's amazing!" He hugged me. Part of me felt pathetic. So what? I smiled. Everyone does that. But at the same time, he made me feel so accomplished and proud. That's what I love about him. Even when I do something pathetic, he notices my effort and he makes me feel proud about it.

"I love you so much Zex." He kissed my cheek and I nudged my face towards his. He held his face still by my lips so I could kiss his cheek. "It's all going to work out this time, I promise." He kissed my lips softly and my heartbeat increased even more on the machine. He giggled and I smiled wider. "Guess I should stop kissing you. I don't want the doctors to think that something's going wrong….or going on." He blushed and I found it to be the cutest face ever.

"You really do need sleep though." He said and I nodded. "I'm tired too." He stretched and yawned. I whined through my closed mouth and he asked me what was wrong. I looked down at my own bed. I wanted him to get in it with me.

"I don't think I should. Your body needs to heal." He said, putting his hand on my arm gently. Right. I forgot that he hadn't seen my scars before today. "Is this why you didn't want to take your shirt off in front of me?" I nodded. "Zex, you need help. You need more than I can give." Demyx shook his head. "Please, allow Aerith to help you. I don't think I can handle knowing that you do this to yourself. The drugs, the self-scars…it's so much for me to accept right now." Demyx's eyes started to water, so I nodded.

"I love you Zexion." He said and kissed my cheek lightly before he plopped on Axel, who groaned in his sleep, coughed on some drool and continued snoring.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note<strong>: YAY so Zexy is alive, Demyx is talking to him, and Aerith has some proposals….**any predictions**?

I want to thank you all for joining me on this roller coaster of a story, but there is still MUCH more to come ^_^

To Shadowridge: Lol, I'm sorry!

To ForeverUke: Ah! No smackings! Lol hahaha, I have a bunch more cliffhangers, so I'd start preparing for some bigger cliffs up ahead. I shall continue!

To Jet: Yes, it is far from over! I'm glad that you like this story. I do want to apologize in case my story brought up any bad memories, and I hope that it can serve as an encouragement. I understand a lot of Zexion's pain, maybe not all from firsthand, but from bff's who have been in similar situations.

To AkixYusei: yes! I'm glad that you are reading it and that you are reviewing! I appreciate it. There is so much planned, I need to hurry up and write more!

To CatlinP1997: Wow. I wish her the best. I really do. It must be awful to be rejected and made fun of due to sexual orientation. It is so trapping sometimes. I'm glad that you like it, and I'm glad that you see the potential realism. Yes, I agree, GO Zexion! Lol, Sarabellum out ^_^

To: KidaKama: I felt bad cause you said that you liked the romantic tragedy, but I just cant end it like that . maybe on day I'll write a romantic tragedy. Originally, when I wrote this in my head, it has an AWFUL tragic ending, but it was also an akuroku where Roxas was Zexion. So a lot changed in the process of typing it all up. I still have a lot I need to write for this. Yay for your addiction to Zemyx!

To emerald7: I'm glad that you're glad to see it back! There are mega-chapters left, so get ready! He still has a long way to go! Speaking of Zemyx action, I'm debating adding a lemon somewhere…what do you think? ;) Aww, thank you! I love how you love it! You're awesome ^_^ Of course! I do hope to extend this for as long as I can naturally and I will always reply to any comment/review, so thank you for reviewing.

To .: Dude, you are SO welcome! It's funny how much I say dude when I talk/text, but I don't think I use it much in responding to reviews lol. Haha, glad to help that feeling! It is NOT over yet ^_^

To 18plusforme: Yay! Always pass on drugs. From what I've seen, an addiction to them is SO NOT worth it. Lol, I know, I'm so mean . but its still going!

Thank you for all of your reviews, and for everyone reading!

Heart, Sarabellum


	7. Treated Like A Monster

I watched them for about an hour before I fell asleep, and when I woke up, they were still asleep. I smiled. They looked so peaceful. I want to be like that. The idea of how perfect they all are compared to me made me frown. I'll never break free of this rut I'm stuck in. But they look so warm and inviting, not at all cold and hallow like myself. It was eight in the morning and a nurse came in and whispered quietly.

"Good morning. How are you feeling?"

I shrugged.

"You're friends really do care about you. They wanted to stay in your room while you slept, but they were afraid to wake you up, so they all sat there silently for hours before they fell asleep too." She smiled and I smiled too.

"They told me that you don't talk, but that is probably the first step towards your recovery." She said, her long black hair flowing as I avoided eye contact.

"Well, I'll be back with food. My name is Tifa, in case you decide to start talking." She walked off and I waited before she came back with a tray. When she opened the top of the dish, the aroma of food entered the room. Yeah, so it's shitty hospital food, but it's still food.

"M?" Axel sniffed and his head turned to face my breakfast. "Food?" Axel blinked as he stirred.

"Grrrrr." Roxas groaned as Axel shifted.

"I need pants," Demyx murmured in his sleep and I broke into a wide smile. I wondered what he was dreaming about.

"Food!" Axel blinked and sat up.

"Wha?" Roxas slowly moved, his bed hair covering his eyes.

"Pants!" Demyx shouted before he sat up too, since Axel was underneath all of them and he sat up first.

"What the fuck? Pants? Really Dem?" Axel asked and Demyx shook his head.

"Huh?"

"You just screamed pants." Axel laughed.

"No I didn't." Demyx shook his head.

"I think you did." Roxas moved his bangs out of the way of his heavy eyes.

"Hey, Zexion's up!" Axel pushed the other two off of him as he sat up.

"So much for love." Roxas scoffed as he sat back up after being knocked over.

"How you feelin?" Axel asked and I nodded. "Better?" I nodded. "Good. Aerith is going to come by later. I guess she talked to you about something important yesterday." I nodded.

"Good morning sweetheart." Demyx stumbled as he took his first steps after his sleep. "I love you." He kissed my cheek and I smiled.

"Whoa! He smiled!" Roxas pointed at me and I blushed.

"Way to go Zexion." Axel gave me a thumbs up.

"He's got such a cute smile. Don't you Zex?" Demyx asked me and I turned a deeper red.

"Zex? Like sex?" Axel asked and I gave him a fake death glare. "Haha! Your nickname is sex!" Axel pointed and I stuck my tongue out at him.

"Stop it!" Demyx pushed Axel's arm down.

"Babe, I'm going to call you sex. Then, you'll always know that YOU are on my mind." Axel told Roxas as Roxas rolled his eyes.

"Over my dead body."

"Well that's no fun to fuck." Axel joked and Demyx shook his head with a small laugh.

"Best friends ever, huh?" He asked and I nodded with a smile.

"Damn, well I have to admit that you do have a nice smile Zexion. You should keep it." Axel smiled shyly and I turned even truer a red.

"Awww, look at him!" Roxas smiled too and I hid my face in my shoulder, still I still cant use my arms.

"Baby! I love your smiled. It's no fair if I cant see it." Demyx whined so I looked over to him and tried to grab him. I hated those. Fucking. Restraints.

All the emotions of the yesterday were coming and I started to sob quietly.

"Zexy? What's wrong?" Demyx moved closer to me as my bottom lip quivered.

"Is everything ok?" Tifa came back in and I tugged at my wrists.

"He's been tied down since he was admitted. His arms probably hurt." Demyx said and I nodded.

"I can move the restraints so that your arms aren't at your side, but they'll have to stay on." Tifa explained and I whimpered.

I needed to think of a way to get out of this bed before I lose it. Quickly I nodded to the bathroom that was in my room.

"Do you need to use the restroom?" She asked and I nodded. I'd been hooked up to this IV where all I've been getting is liquids, but now I was starting to eat real food and I wanted to use the bathroom.

"Ok, I'll go get a male nurse to assist you." Tifa walked out and a tall, broad shouldered brunette walked in.

"My name is Leon, is it ok if I help you up?" He asked and I nodded, knowing that his question really only had one answer. Shit. He was big and looked really strong, eliminating any chances that I could sneak a hug from Demyx.

"Here we go." He unchained one of my hands and I slowly moved my arm around.

"Does that feel better?" Demyx asked and I nodded.

"Alright, I'm going to take off the other one now." Leon said as he did just that and helped me sit up. He tied the back of my hospital gown and put his thick arm around my chest to help me walk.

I didn't realize that three days in a hospital bed could make me so weak. My legs were shaking and the tile was freezing, even through the socks I had on. I clung to him for support, wishing that it were Demyx, but beggers cant be choosers.

Once I made the ten steps to my bathroom, I let go of him, but he wouldn't let go of me or let me continue.

"I have to go in there with you." Leon explained and my lips started to quiver again. I hated this. I just had to piss. I wasn't going to try anything.

"Zex, it's for your own safety." Roxas reminded me.

"It'll be ok." Axel said and I shook my head. How could they understand what this was like?

"Do you still want to use the restroom?" Leon asked and I nodded. I had to piss, it couldn't be helped. "We could insert a tube and give you a bedpan if that's what you prefer?" He asked and I shook my head. Like hell would I piss in a tube in the same fucking room as Demyx! That, and I hated the bedpan that my grandmother had to use. I didn't want to have that in common with her.

"Shall we then?" Leon opened the door and tightened his grip around me. I didn't like the idea of this tall, strong, brunette taking me into the bathroom. He wasn't scary, in fact he was pretty good looking, but I just wanted to do something on my own. With small audible whimpers, I took more shaky steps.

Leon closed the door behind us and walked me to the toilet.

"Would you prefer to sit?" He asked and I was about to nod when he continued. "Whether you sit or stand, I'm going to have to watch you to make sure that you don't hurt yourself." Leon said and I started to cry harder. Seriously? I cant get any privacy? "I'm really sorry about this." He said and I looked away. It wasn't his fault. It's mine. Always, my fault.

"Sit? Or stand?" he asked and I pointed that I wanted to sit. "Alright." He lifted up my gown a bit and helped me sit down. It was weird. I couldn't piss with someone watching, but I had to go. Fuck. We sat there for like two minutes, both of us quiet, him waiting for me as I waited for myself. Finally, nature called and after I did my thing, he helped me wash my hands and then it was out the bathroom.

I pointed to Demyx once he closed the bathroom door, but he shook his head.

"My orders were to escort you from the bed, to the bathroom, and back with no other interruptions." He said, but I tried to walk towards my Demyx anyway. "Sir, I'm going to tell you to stop once." Leon said as he pulled me back closer towards him. Fuck. His arms were almost worse than those restraints!

I stopped moving. If he wanted me back in that prison of a bed, he'd have to carry me. Although, now that I think about it, he could easily do that.

"Sir?" He asked and I decided to abandon all sense of strength and let my body collapse. Of course he was able to keep me up and he started to drag me to my bed when I fought back. I didn't want to go back. Like hell would I willingly go back to being shackled.

"Zex!" Demyx shouted as I tried to fight him. He was trying to carry me but I kept pushing him away and I squirmed, reaching for Demyx. I wanted him. Why wasn't he helping me? Didn't he see that I only wanted to hug him? I whimpered and whined, kicking and fidgeting as Leon called out for backup.

"Cloud?" Leon shouted and I knew that I had already lost. A blonde of a smaller build than Leon, but still strong, ran in and helped him carry me back into my bed. Leon held me down as Cloud strapped me back down, my arms tight against my side with NO room to move them. My legs and ankles were next, then my head, and then they put that fucking mouth guard back in. I panted heavily before I sobbed silently.

"Zex." Demyx whispered, his body shaking. My chest was rising and crashing, my breathing and heartbeat unstable.

"Stay here while I report his struggle." Leon ordered Cloud and walked off. All the while, Demyx, Axel, and Roxas all stood in the corner of the room like they were scared of me. Terrified. Was I a monster?

I sniffled just as Cloud told Axel, Demyx, and Roxas that they had to leave.

"Please, if we leave, he'll probably get worse." Axel said and I cried harder to prove that I agreed. Those three were the only reason why I haven't truly freaked out yet.

"Let us stay." Demyx begged and Cloud told them that they had to stay a certain amount of feet away from me.

Wow. I really am a monster. I cried even harder. I wanted out. I'm so sick of being tied down. I just wanted a hug? Why do they have to punish me like this?

"There's nothing wrong with him!" Roxas shouted, his eyes starting to water.

"Rox, shh, Cloud's just doing his job." Axel explained and Roxas sat in Axel's lap angrily.

After a few silent, empty minutes, Leon came back and he and Cloud removed my head restraint before Cloud left.

"We want you to know that we're only trying to help you. If you help us with that, then this can be a lot simpler and less painful for everyone." Leon crossed his arms and I nodded. "Are you going to cooperate?" He asked and I nodded again.

Leon removed that awful mouth piece and I gulped. My lips hurt. My face hurt. My arms hurt. I wanted speed. I wanted pot. I needed to calm down.

"We have constant monitoring of you through this camera." Leon pointed to a corner in the ceiling with this black bubble. "If you show one more sign of a lack of cooperation, then both Cloud and I will spend every second your awake in this room and you will not be permitted visitors of any kind. Understand?" He asked and I nodded. I couldn't risk them sending Demyx away. I just wanted a real hug, not half of one while I was tied down.

"You have another visitor. Two actually." Leon said as he left. I sniffled still as he walked away and brought the visitors in.

Why am I being treated like a monster?

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note<strong>: So I hope that chapter wasn't too bad. Sure, he's still tied down, but a smile! Progress! Lol. Also, I should warn you all that there will more than likely be a lemon somewhere in the future, so yeah, I like to warn my readers. Please follow and review!

**PLEASE READ: So about Demyx shouting, "PANTS" in his sleep….that was not entirely my idea. One of my roommates talked in her sleep and the sentence he murmured is what I overheard her say. It made me laugh, so I thought it would work perfectly in that scene. And she also yelled pants randomly too, so yeah, if you laughed or thought it was funny, PLEASE leave a review about it, even if its Anon, so she doesn't kill me for sharing all this ;) she knows that I referenced her but if I have enough reviews, she said it'll be ok. _REVIEW AND SAVE MY LIFE!_ Lol =P**

To Akuma-Wolf-Drake: Aww, thank you! Haha, I'm sorry for deceiving you, I just couldn't resist! Hahaha, what a great friend! Wow, jumping up and down? I'm honored ^_^ No need to apologize, I'm just glad that you love reading this! You are too kind. It is a bit rough because it does hit home with some things I've experienced or watched my friends/close ones do to themselves. I found myself getting emotionally attached and even feeling overwhelmed by the persona I take on as Zexion, but if it helps to make this story more realistic/believable, then it shall be worth it. Thank you VERY much for your wonderful review.

To ForeverUke: Lol, my bad . Hahaha, well you know that I cant tell you, but maybe I already have in our messages? O.o or then again….maybe not? Well if you ask everyone who normally reviews to review faster, then maybe I could. But I also need to write more cause I have it mostly in my head, not all on my laptop . not yet at least.

To KidaKama: Awwww, I feel so special! Thank you SO much! You are seriously too kind!

To Otwamewliart: Lol, I cant tell you anything about that. He may talk in the next chapter, the chapter after, or maybe not ever! Guess it's just one of the many uncertainties of this story. I am glad that you haven't been in the hospital either. It is not a fun place to go to, for any reason. Lol, well you'll have to wait for the lemon, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to add it ^_^ Yes, he is alive! Go Zex!

To Shadowridge: I know! It must be awful to be tied down like that. Hmm, good prediction, guess you'll just have to keep reading to find out.

To emerald7: I feel so bad for doing that to Zexion….but yea….I cant give away spoilers to my own story ;P hahaha ok, so after hearing requests for lemons, I'm pretty sure there will be one. Aww, I am so glad to hear that you like this story. It means a lot to receive positive feedback. I was explaining it in another response, but since I'm writing this from 1st POV (Zexion's) it does connect me more than I thought. I never went to the extent that Zexion is in, but I have friends who were close, and it is very rough on me emotionally to write something like this because I try to feel it to express it more accurately. When I hear such awesome positive feedback, it reminds me that it's all worth it ^_^ So thank you! Hahaha, yes! I love the sleeping chair/couch thing too. It was one of my personal fav's. Awww, that would be nice! So far its not too many, so please share with any friends or people you think would be interested in reading. Thank you!

To AkixYusei: Glad you liked it! I cant tell you when he's going to talk! It may be in the next chapter O.o or the one after O.o OR perhaps never O_O ….sorry, I cant ruin it for you!

To Jet: Aww, YAY! Good to hear ^_^ I barely talked to him on my bday last week, but he said it isn't looking good. Hopefully he'll hang in there. I'd ask him to read this but I'm not sure if he'll get encouraged by it. Also, he's kind of my ex . we're still really good friends cause we weren't serious, but I'm sure it must be weird to know that your ex-gf pretty much writes gay-porn .…..yeah….lol

Thank you everyone for reading! Don't forget to review about Demyx shouting "Pants" so that my roommate doesn't kill me for quoting her (explained above)! Lol.

**Heart, Sarabellum**


	8. Always All Alone

Leon left and escorted my two visitors inside.

"Hey Aerith." Roxas, Axel, and Demyx all greeted my high school counselor as she walked in with a tall tan man with long silver hair.

"Good afternoon." She greeted back before she and that man walked up to me. "Zexion, this is Xemnas. He works with the child protection services. He and I need to have a talk with you." She said and I nodded slowly. "He needs to talk to you first, alone." She explained and I shook my head. I didn't want to be alone with anyone, unless it was Demyx.

"Zex, it'll be ok." Demyx smiled and I watched as everyone left but that man.

"Hello, Zexion." The man sat at my bedside and flipped open a file with a pen in his hand. "Do you not say hello?" He asked and I was quiet. "So it is true, that you don't talk. That isn't a good sign. Not at all." He scribbled stuff down as my heartbeat quickened. I was nervous. Could this be the guy who determines whether or not I get to live with Aerith or if I have to go to rehab?

"It's nearly impossible to do the interview with someone who cant talk." He raised an eyebrow at me and I gulped. "I guess we'll go along with yes and no questions. Does that work?" He asked and I nodded. "Good. Is it true that your mother is currently in a rehabilitation center for drug abuse?" I nodded. "Is it true that your father committed suicide?" He asked and I nodded. "How old were you?" I blinked seven times and he chuckled.

"I see. Seven years old? I'm sorry to hear that. My reports indicate that you were the one to find him, in his bedroom." I nodded. I didn't want to hear anymore. I wanted to block it all out. I don't want to remember walking into my dad's room and finding his body hanging from a beam on the ceiling. I don't want to remember all the trips to therapy I had to join my mom to. All the times she sat there crying and screaming, and eventually, she blamed me for all of it. "And it says that that is when your mother collapsed into drugs?" I nodded. "Was it hard for you?" I nodded, there's no lying about that. She said that things were good until I came along. That's what everyone says. "How about your grandmother? Her death is extremely recent." I inhaled deeply as I nodded. This was starting to get rough.

"How long have you been doing speed?" He asked and I blinked two times. "Two years?" He asked and I shook my head. "Two months?" I nodded. I just recently got exposed to speed, although pot is another story entirely.

"And the pot?" Dammit he read my mind. Again I blinked twice. "Two months as well?" I nodded; what he didn't know didn't hurt. So what I've been smoking pot on and off for two years? I didn't do it daily, not even every other day, so it shouldn't make that big a difference. It's more like a coping device when I need it….which is often.

"And how about the ecstasy? Has that been two months as well?" He asked and I nodded. I tried it for the first time about a year ago, but I've only done it a couple times since. "Do you consider yourself addicted to any of those substances?" He asked and I shook my head. I could give up ecstasy and well, speed wouldn't be easy to quit, but I probably could if I tried. As for pot, hell, I don't think I really need to quit that.

"We found this journal in your room, Zexion; and by we, I mean myself and another investigator working on your case." Xemnas held up a journal that I used to vent in all the time. Shit, that could really go against me. "In here, you wrote a lot about your grandmother." He said quietly and I nodded. Yeah, now I remember. I used to write in that journal as if I was writing to her. I used to let her read it too. I miss her.

"Do you miss her?" he asked, probably reading my eyes and I nodded. "It sounds like she was the real stability in your life?" Again, I nodded. "When she died, did you want to die too?" he asked and I shook my head, remembering what Aerith said about making it all look like one big accident.

"It says in here that you felt really alone, and that you wanted to be with her. Were you not referring to death?" I shook my head. "I must say Zexion, because of your unwillingness to speak, I don't know what to think of this." He sat back and I gulped deeply.

"Right now you don't look as I would have assumed given the facts that I had and my experience in this work. You actually look more put together than I would have guessed. At the same time, your arms and your voice, or lack of, speak louder." He tapped his chin with his pen. "These scars, how old are they?" He asked and I didn't really know how to answer. Some are years old, some are weeks old, and there is a shit ton of stuff in between.

"Years?" He asked and I shrugged. "Is that a yes or a no Zexion?" he asked and I nodded in defeat. "And these ones?" He pointed to more fresh looking cuts. "I'd say just a few days before you were admitted in." He guessed and I nodded. "So if you've been cutting this long, was this a suicide attempt?" He asked and I shook my head. "No? Then why the cuts Zexion? Why the scars?" I shrugged. "Were you just simply looking for a coping method?" he asked and I nodded.

"You know, based on your arms and your admittance in here, I could easily put you into a rehabilitation center with intensive therapy. You could go in and very well not ever come out." He said and I shook my head. I didn't want to go there, to go where the walls were all white and the nurses have these fake smiles and everywhere there is crying and screaming.

"Do you want to know what is stopping me from signing you away right now?" He asked and I nodded slowly. "I've noticed that in my experience, children or youth of your age who have a serious need to be admitted into rehab often display some very common characteristics, characteristics like a lack of hope, a lack of love or affection of any kind, and the inability to connect to anyone. However, when I read your journal, I was quite surprised that you showed none of that, especially when referring to," He flipped open my journal and read, "this 'Demyx', character." He closed my journal and I smiled.

"So you do smile?" He asked and I nodded with a more serious face. "Does this 'Demyx' give you hope?" I nodded. Demyx is my medicine. "And you express your love for him numerous times in here; does this mean that you connect with him?" I nodded big. Besides my grandmother, I don't think I've ever connected with anyone on a deeper level than I have with Demyx. "Some youth think that they love someone, when in reality they only love the affects that they get when around that person. Are you sure that you aren't mistaking your appreciation of his company for the true love you repeatedly wrote about?" He asked and I nodded. I was dead sure. I'd do anything for Demyx.

"Prove it." He sat back and I looked at him confused. How could anyone prove that, especially while chained down in a hospital bed? "Prove that your love for him is real, and that you aren't just using him to help you cope." Xemnas said and I looked out the glass wall of my room that gave me no privacy and allowed the nurses to have constant vision of me. Axel and Demyx and Roxas were all talking just outside that wall. I looked at Demyx and Axel noticed and nodded over at me. Demyx turned to face me and when he smiled, I did too. I puckered a kiss for him and he smiled wider and blew me one. I bit my lip and the machine monitoring my heartbeat read the increase of my pulse.

"He seems to have a very positive affect on you." Xemnas said and I nodded with small tears in my eyes. "Are you crying because you're sad?" He asked and I nodded. I wanted Demyx. "Do you want me to bring him in?" He asked and I nodded. Xemnas stood up and opened the door and called Demyx inside, the two sitting side by side.

"Demyx, I'm asking Zexion to prove that he loves you. You see, by just his arms and his admittance into this hospital alone, I could send him away to a rehabilitation center or psych ward if I found necessary." Xemnas said and Demyx already looked like he wanted to cry. Demyx gulped and I sat there, feeling nearly invisible to their conversation. "However, Zexion expressed a lot of hope in his life through you in this journal. He's telling me that he loves you truly and that he doesn't need to live at a rehabilitation center. I want to ask if you agree with that."

Xemnas watched Demyx carefully as Demyx nervously smiled. I felt bad. What did I drag him into?

"Well, I never knew about the drugs or the cutting. I knew that he was sad and hurt, but I didn't think it extended that far. If it was serious, don't you think that someone would have known sooner?" Demyx asked and I mentally sighed. Damn, he's smart.

"That's a good point. Or maybe it's gotten so bad that he's now so good at hiding it."

"To be able to hide that, you'd have to be capable of hiding all emotions. He may not talk, but he expresses a lot in his eyes and facial expressions, and even his body language. After just a few days with him, I felt like I could speak his own language." Demyx smiled at me and I smiled back.

"I agree with that." Xemnas nodded and I sat there wondering what would happen next. "As of now, I'm starting to agree that Aerith is right. She thinks that constant supervision by a trained professional will be more beneficial, as it will provide the help you need without taking you out of society, which will enable you to practice the skills that you need to cope in a healthy manner. However, I have one more test. In this journal, you mentioned constantly how Demyx has asked you to talk. To say anything that you'd like, anything at all. So, if you love him, right here, right now in this moment, say his name." Xemnas stared at me and I started to pant. My heartbeat raced higher and my pulse went up even more. I should have expected this, but I didn't. Shit.

"Come on Zexion. Tell him that you love him. It's just three, four words." Xemnas shrugged and Demyx smiled at me hopefully.

"I love you Zexion." Demyx smiled at me as he cried and I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. I couldn't move my mouth to form shapes or sounds, but I opened it. Does that count?

"You aren't talking Zexion." Xemnas said coldly and Demyx choked a bit on his cries.

"Zex? I love you." Demyx repeated, his voice cracking.

Again, I opened my mouth, looking like a dumb mute. I probably looked mental as I tried to make sound come out, but nothing. Yeah, it's only been about five months now, but still, even those five months ago, I think the only thing I said was a sentence long. All in all, it's been about two years since I really talked. Since I really had a conversation.

"Zexion?" Xemnas asked and I started panting, getting frustrated and angry at myself.

"Zex? Come on Zex! I love you." Demyx sounded like he was pleading and I really wanted to respond. Couldn't they see that I was trying?

"Is saying his name not worth it to you?" Xemnas said and Demyx started panting, his eyes widening and his breathing going wild. I myself got angry. Cant this dickwad see that I'm trying? Of course it's worth it to me, but I just….cant.

"Z-Zex?" Demyx choked down some tears as he attempted again to help me.

"I wonder if you're telling yourself that you cant do it Zexion. You cant function in society unless you can communicate. You have the capability to talk. You can talk. You just don't want to. But you can. So do it." Xemnas glared at me and I closed my mouth. I already lost.

"Alright then. That's all I need." Xemnas stood up and left before Demyx burst into tears, his face in his hands.

"Dem?" Axel and Roxas ran into the room once Xemnas left it, but Demyx wouldn't budge.

"What happened?" Roxas asked and Demyx cried harder.

"Zex, what happened?" Axel asked and I sat motionless, my eyes panicking, wishing I could tell him what happened, wishing that I could talk so that I could tell Demyx that I loved him and then I wouldn't be in this mess.

"Demyx, are you ok?" Roxas asked quietly and Demyx wiped his eyes with his sleeve.

"He cant even tell me that he loves me. Not even to avoid being taken away." Demyx sobbed and I sat there, still, guilty.

"Dammit Zexion!" Axel cussed at me and I sat in fear. "You have no one but yourself to blame if you go." Axel said and walked for the door.

"Where are you going?" Roxas asked and Axel sighed.

"You cant help someone who wont help themselves." Axel walked out the door and Roxas looked to me.

"Please?" he asked and I started to cry. "You know, I'm beginning to think that he's right." Roxas said as he left and joined Axel.

I looked to Demyx, who returned his face to his hands. I shook my wrists, trying to make noise to get his attention. Nothing. I whimpered, but he ignored me.

"I love you, but how can this work if you cant even help yourself?" He looked up at me finally with disappointment in his eyes. I gasped in between tears that were falling steadily.

"Exactly. There is no answer. It cant work." Demyx said as he stood up and I sobbed hard as I watched him leave. My head hurt so bad. Why did he leave me? No, there is no 'why'. It's always the same answer. It's my fault. But I tried. I tried so damn hard, and it's never good enough. I'm tired of trying to win someone over. I was left all alone. Again. Always, all alone.

* * *

><p><strong><span>Author's Note:<span>** First of all I want to apologize since I haven't posted in a couple days. College hates me, life seems to not like me much, and I have a bunch of other things that I'm trying to prioritize. Anywho, no more excuses, I hope the wait wasn't too bad ^_^ Ok so I'm trying to make this story longer and it's a bit of work since I have tons of other stuff that I have to do before I can write, so I might not post as often or as quickly as I'd prefer, and I'm sorry for that in advance.

**ALSO**: I know that this chapter and the past couple have been REALLY sad and just heavy, but please, I urge you to keep reading and be patient. It shall pay off!

To kindofbadger: hahaha I should totally add a scene where we see what he was dreaming about. I never wrote an explanation, maybe it's better left to the imagination lol. Hahaha, well, I cant say anything . this is hard for me too! Lol

To ForeverUke: Awww, I sorry! Hahaha, I've never heard that term: bull fuckery. It's awesome. I like Tom Foolery, and shenanigans.

To KidaKama: Wow! Well then we have had totally different experiences. I also used to volunteer in the kitchen of a huge hospital in my home city so I got to make food for the patients. It's not like unhealthy bad, but its mostly tasteless and just nasty. Yes, it really can. I think I need more hugs in my life lol.

To ..: Holy shit. Dude, I'm, I'm really sorry. I hope that my story isn't too painful for you to read. I'll let you in on a little spoiler, just because I don't want you reading this to be an unpleasant experience: it will get better, he will get free soon, and he will make progress =) And yes, about what you asked me to tell you….just hang in there, it's coming. I hope that things are better for you. It's hard to see my bff go through very similar things, and part of me feels like I'm writing this for him, and in a way, for myself as well since it helps me cope. But I hope that this is helpful for you too.

To Shadowridge: lol, I don't want to know what kind of dreams she's having. Um, ok?

To emerald7: LOL! I'm glad! It made my day too, although it scared me cause I had just barely woken up and she yelled it and my other roommate (who woke up cause of it) looked at me and we were so clueless lmao. Grrr, I feel bad cause this chapter really isn't that much better than the last . but please, hang in there! Be patient, it shall pay off. NO! I loves Leon! It's ok, next chapter, you'll like him more lol. Dammit, I told myself I wouldn't give away spoilers! Well, I guess that doesn't reveal too much lol. Don't get me wrong, I love lemons and one-shots, but long stories need to be based on something much firmer and stronger than just sexual attraction, so thank you for appreciating that! Yay! Thank you, and please, continue to spread the word ^_^ Wow, I really am so completely honored right now. You have no idea. I still struggle with my thoughts of existence a lot, since not only was I an 'accident' baby, but a complete mistake, and have been told so several times. It's hard but it's life. Just got to keep going. But I really do appreciate your review. It cheered me up SO much when I desperately needed it.

To Akuma-Wolf-Drake: Aww, I love Chibi's! and yes, I could see that too. Hugs are so special and can really make someone's day.

To Otwamewliart: Haha, I'm in the process of trying to extend it but its so hard with the classes that I am currently taking. Hahaha, yeah, thankfully only a few of my friends know I write, and just 2 have the name/access to my account. But one write's yuri and is into yaoi too, so its all good lol

To AkixYusei: Hahaha awesome! Glad you liked the Pants scene. I don't know if two days is soon or not, but I hope the wait wasn't too bad!

To 18plusforme: lmao, I don't know if I want to know what he dreamt about, maybe it's better left unsaid lmao.

Please keep reading, it wont all be super depressing, I promise! Lol. Also feel free to check out my other stuff, since I have tons of HW and cant update as much as I'd like. **If you like this, then you'll probably LOVE my Zemyx A SCATTERED DREAM!**

Heart, Sarabellum


	9. The Only One Hanging On

I woke up that next morning feeling more alone than usual, but I guess I should get used to it.

"Good morning." Tifa walked in with breakfast, but I wasn't hungry. I wasn't anything.

"How are you feeling?" she asked and I looked away. Xemnas is going to send me away and lock me up, so why should I bother with anything anymore?

"You know, I overheard that if you're good, they'll untie one of your wrists." Tifa smiled at me and I nodded. Damn .I hate when people try to bribe me with incentives, but it was working.

"Do you want to eat now?" She asked and I nodded. Might as well get it over with. "Open wide." She got a spoon full of grits and I swallowed roughly. It wasn't as nasty as I thought it was going to be, but it wasn't great either. After I finished eating, Leon came in.

"How are you this morning?" Leon asked and I shrugged. I'd fake nearly anything to get these fuckers off my wrists. "You've been really calm lately. You ok?" Leon asked and I nodded. "Well I have an offer for you, ok?" He asked and I waited for him to finish speaking as he checked some of the shit hooked up to me. "Ok, so I can unchain one of your wrists and stay in here and monitor you, or we can leave them tied up and you wont need me here. Which do you prefer?" I quickly tugged up on my left wrist.

"Untie it?" He asked and I nodded.

He removed the strap and I took advantage of my freedom by moving my left arm.

"Feeling better?" he asked and I nodded gratefully. He pulled a chair up by my side and sat in it. "I can get Cloud to bring in the remote for the TV if you want?" I nodded; I had nothing better to do. Leon pressed a button that called Cloud in and asked him to get a remote. Cloud came back and Leon and I watched the discovery channel together. After a couple hours, Leon stood up with a stretch.

"Alright, what do you say to getting out of the bed for a little stretch?" I eagerly nodded, loving the idea.

"Listen up, I'm going to shut the door and let you walk around in here to stretch and all, but if you try anything, Cloud with be back in seconds and it's back in bed strapped down, ok?" He explained and I nodded.

He untied my wrists and lifted me off the bed, cradling me just before he set my bare feet on the freezing tile.

"You cold?" he asked as I shivered. I took a shaky step, his arm still around my waist and my wrists hurt.

"You want to use the bathroom?" I asked after I took a few more small steps. I nodded and he moved his hand to grip my bicep tightly as he walked me to the bathroom. He put his hands high up on my sides as I stood in front of the toilet.

More awkward silence ensued before I was able to go. After the trip to the bathroom, I took a couple steps on my own and then just stood there in the center of the room.

"You ok?" Leon asked as I just stood there.

"Zexion?" he moved even closer to me. I moved my arms up and slowly wrapped them around myself. I needed a hug. A full hug, even if I had to give it to myself. Leon exhaled loudly through his nose and surprised me with a hug.

"You ok?" he whispered as I gripped him tightly. His arms were so thick and warm, and I didn't want to leave their safety.

"Come on, back in bed." Leon lifted me off my feet and placed me back in bed.

"I don't have to chain you up again, but I'll have to stay here with you if you prefer to keep your mobility." Leon told me and I nodded.

I was beginning to feel really alone, since it was getting later in the day and no one had come to visit me. Then again, why am I surprised? I don't deserve the only three friends I've ever had. Now that they're all mad at me, why am I expecting anything?

Leon and I were played cards that Cloud gave us for the next hour. Leon really is a lot nicer than I first let myself believe, when he had to watch me piss for the first time and forced me to be strapped down. But I guess Axel's right, this is his job. We were on our endless round of poker when I started to feel guilty. I don't know what it's like to work in a hospital, but I'm sure the last thing he wants to do is babysit some emo like me. For all he knows, I could try to kill him and then myself. Of course I'd never try to hurt him, but he really doesn't know any better. I wonder if he's scared of me? He cant be, he's so tall and his arms are so strong. But still, he must hate me for making him stay here and entertain me.

"Dammit, I fold." He threw his cards down and I smiled. I had such a shitty hand. I showed him and he shook his head. "You have to be joking. Three times in a row? Lucky kid." Leon shook his head. I smiled wider. He sat back and smiled too.

"You know, when they told me I had to watch someone who attempted suicide, I thought you'd be really depressed and angry. It's nice to see that you're smiling." He said and I shrugged.

"Why don't you talk?" He leaned in closer and I shrugged again. "Your friends, they left angry yesterday. Is everything ok?" I shook my head. "It's hard for people on the outside to see just how hard you're trying. All they want to see is progress, but it's so easy to forget about how important the effort is in all this." Leon said and I nodded. Wow. He…he understands?

"If you keep trying, even if the progress is slow, it'll show. You can't give up, you hear me?" his question was more like an order, but I didn't care even as I nodded.

"You'll be leaving soon, and when you do, you'll have to be able to take care of yourself. Do your friends a favor and give them the ease that they need so that they can know that you can take care of yourself." Leon reshuffled the deck and I nodded as he served us each a new hand.

After losing most of our blackjack rounds, Leon sighed.

"Damn, I must be having an off day. You want to do something else? You look bored of winning." Leon gave what almost looked like a smirk and I nodded. I was getting a bit tired of playing cards.

"You know, I think it'd be best if you let yourself talk." He said and I just sat there…duh, what else am I going to do?

"Well, if you aren't, you should at least learn sign language so you can communicate properly." Leon shrugged and I raised a curious eyebrow. "If you want, I can teach you some signs." Leon suggested and I nodded. For the next hour he taught me the signs for simple things like, 'thank you', 'please', 'more', 'I'm done', 'food', 'thirsty', 'help', 'stop', 'good', 'bad', and a couple others.

We continued the lessons as Tifa walked in with lunch.

"Do you want to feed yourself?" She asked and I nodded. There were no knives, the spork was plastic, and Leon watched me like a hawk. When I finished my jello, Tifa removed the tray and came back with a smile.

"Your friends are here." I sat up happily. If they were mad at me, I'd let them know somehow that I was sorry. I didn't want them to be scared of me.

I expected them all to walk in at once like they usually do, but when Roxas came in alone, I gulped.

"Hey Zex." Roxas kept his hands in his pockets, probably intimidated at how Leon sat there like an observant statue. I lifted up my hands with a tiny smile to show him my new freedom.

"Hey, that's great." He smiled back poorly. "Look, I want to talk to you about yesterday." Roxas stood by my side, right in front of Leon. "We all know that you're trying to heal, and we understand that this must be really hard for you. At the same time, Demyx is really hurt. He knows that you two aren't exactly dating, but he cares about you. A lot. And it's not about you having to tell him that you love him back…but it's really hard for us to accept how easily you'll just let other people decide things for you just cause you don't want to talk. That's why Axel got so mad. It's so hard for us when we're trying to help, but it doesn't seem like you're trying much." Roxas shrugged and I looked away. "You're smiling and you're able to be here without the chains, so that's a good sign of accomplishment, but eventually you'll have to talk. So why not now?" he asked and I couldn't look him in the eye. He had a point, but I was getting tired of hearing it.

"It's your life Zex, but if you want people to stay in it, you have to put in effort too." Roxas sighed and I nodded. I held my arms out, silently asking for a hug.

"Can I?" he asked Leon, who nodded slowly after some thought. I smiled, which made Roxas smile as he gave me a small hug. "Axel wants to talk to you too, one on one. He may come off as being angry, but he really does care Zex. You have to understand that it's all done in care, ok?" Roxas warned me and left just before Axel came in.

"Whoa Zex, you have your hands!" Axel smiled at me, so I smiled back, nodding happily.

"Can I give him a hug?" Axel asked and Leon nodded again. Axel walked up to my bed and I sat up on my knees to reach better, since he is so tall. He put his arms around the middle of my back and I desperately wrapped mine around his neck. Axel's always had a lot of body heat, and I wanted so badly to feel warm.

"I'm sorry for snapping yesterday." Axel broke the hug and I put a hand over my heart and nodded. "It hurt a lot to see Demyx hurt, and I blamed you. I kept forgetting that this is even harder for you."

I kept silent as Axel sat down in a chair close by and put his fingers on his temple.

"Demyx is devastated Zex. He's really scared." Axel said and I started to feel guilty. "I'm not telling you this to make you feel bad, but I want you to understand just how much he cares about you. When we left yesterday, we all went to my house, and he couldn't stop crying. He was sobbing and wailing about losing you. You mean so much to him, you don't even know." Axel shook his head with a faint smile. "Did he ever tell you how you even got here? To this hospital?" Axel asked and I shook my head. This entire time, my aunt and uncle never visited and no one told me shit.

"He felt bad about that fight you two had at his place, so he came to my place asking for advice. I said that it'd be better for you two to talk it out as soon as possible. We ran to your house and Demyx said that he had this awful feeling in his stomach like something wasn't right. No one answered, so I just went in. We called for you, and Demyx ran upstairs while I checked downstairs. At first, I thought that everything was ok, cause I didn't hear him or anything. But when I called his name and he didn't even respond, I got nervous. I went upstairs, and I found out that he found you. You…you looked dead." Axel's eyes teared up, and mine did as well.

"Dammit Zex we thought you had died!" He choked on his words. "Demyx, he, he was crying so hard I thought he was going to die next. I had to call 911 and keep Demyx from killing himself at the same time. That whole drive to the hospital, he wouldn't stop shaking. He blamed himself for everything Zex. He thinks that if he tried harder to love you, then you wouldn't have tried to overdose. Whatever the real reason behind what happened is, it doesn't change how much it hurt us to discover that you self-harm. A lot."

Axel was silent for a little bit and I rubbed my eyes. I had no idea that Demyx was the one to find me. God, that changes so much. I feel awful that I let him see me like that. I don't even know what I look like high, but to be high and on the verge of death…I can't believe I put him through that.

"You know, if your friends waited just a few hours more, you wouldn't have made it." Leon cut in and Axel shook his head even more.

"I'm not asking you to say everything on your mind and make a complete one-eighty turn around. But I want you to know just how special you really are." Axel stood up and I felt so small, in size and character.

"Zex, you mean so damn much to him…to us. Please, don't make us go through that again." Axel let a single tear drop down his cheek as he hugged me tightly. I swallowed my tears before they fell as he sighed.

"I want Demyx to talk to you, if you want." I thought before I nodded. I didn't want him mad at me, but if we don't talk about it, it could get worse.

"Alright, I'll go get him. He's not angry with you, he's just really sad. I told him not to take any of it personally, but, when he says that he loves you, he means it." Axel smiled and left.

"You ok?" Leon asked and I nodded as I prepared to face Demyx. I was beginning to see Leon less of a body guard and more as casual company.

Demyx walked in, his eyes swollen and his lips shut tight. He stared at me and I tried to maintain eye contact, but I felt so shitty, I had to look away.

Demyx walked up to me and my heart beat faster. He cupped my face with his hands and just as I started crying, he kissed my lips.

"I love you." He hugged me as I sobbed in his arms. I held onto him as tightly as I could. My sobs turned into audible whimpers as he ran his hand up and down my back.

"Alright." Leon coughed and Demyx ended the hug, taking a step back as I sat there panting in emotional pain.

"Zex, I," Demyx looked away and I missed his arms so damn much. "I'm hurt Zex." Demyx's eyes leaked more tears and I felt like a pathetic piece of shit for making something as beautiful as him cry.

"I know that we haven't known each other all that long…but I really do care about you. I'm just so scared for you. I don't want you to hurt more than you already are, but not talking isn't helping." Demyx wiped his tears and I nodded.

"I'll always be here Zex, not matter what." Demyx smiled and looked at the door. "Do you mind if I bring Axe and Rox back? We all wanted to spend more time with you." Demyx smiled and I nodded. "Kay, I'll be back." He had the most adorable smile ever as he left and I waited with Leon.

"Those are real friends." He said and I agreed mentally. "Your luck extends beyond poker." Leon stretched his arms as we waited.

When Axel, Demyx, and Roxas all came in, I had to sacrifice my full freedom and have one of my wrists locked down. It sucked, but it was worth it.

Leon stayed in the room the whole time, but I didn't care. He sat silent and still for the most part, occasionally getting up to check on my IV.

"His visiting hours are over." Leon stood up to usher my friends out as I frowned.

"Damn, already?" Axel checked his phone for the time.

"Time goes by fast when you're enjoying yourself." Roxas gave a small smile and I nodded, unable to smile back.

"We'll be back as soon as we can." Demyx said and I sighed, wishing that I could speed time up. They all moved closer towards me to hug me, but Leon stayed right in front of me.

"I'm sorry but he technically isn't supposed to have any physical contact at all. I let it slide earlier, but I can't again." Leon said and Axel nodded.

"Well, thanks for letting us hug him earlier. We love you Zex." Axel waved and Roxas took his other hand.

"See you soon buddy." Roxas smiled.

"I love you Zexion." Demyx waved and I could tell that he was sad behind his smile.

Once the three were gone Leon shut the door.

"I'm sorry I couldn't let them say goodbye properly. I could get fired if the hospital found out that I let you touch them." Leon didn't look me in the eye and I gulped.

I had mixed feelings about that. Damn, he'd risk his job to let me hug my friends, when I needed it most? And at the same time, why am I so restricted that I can't even touch anyone? I'm so tired of being treated like a monster.

I nodded and I said thank-you in sign language and he smiled.

"No worries. I could tell that you needed it. You're not as big of a threat as they made you seem. Just remember, hard work and effort can lead to slow and steady progress, but just cause it's slow, doesn't mean it doesn't exist." Leon started removing some of the stuff that was hooked onto me, like the IV, the thing on my finger taking my pulse, and a couple other random odds and ends monitoring my stability, along with my one chained wrist.

"Time for a bath." He said as he helped me off the bed and onto the floor.

"If you're uncomfortable with me, I can get Cloud, but someone is going to have to do it for you." Leon said and I was so thankful that he is a bit intimidating and rather serious. If he weren't so, then it would probably be more awkward. I shook my head.

"Ok, well then let's get started. I am legally obliged to say the following," Leon coughed and I gave a small smile. "I am trained in law enforcement background just as I am also trained in nursing. I will ask you to complete tasks just once and expect them to be done immediately. If you do not do so, I will take it as a sign of a lack of cooperation and I will use necessary force to ensure both your safety and mine. Do you understand?" He asked and I nodded. Somehow none of that surprised me. I could tell that he wasn't just an average nurse. We walked into the bathroom and then he started up again.

"Alright then, I'm going to tell you what I'm going to do before I do it, ok?" I nodded again and he rolled up his sleeves. "I need you to turn around." He said and for some reason, I got really nervous. "It's ok." He said and I swallowed hard as I turned, wrapping my arms around myself. "I need you to put your arms down." He said, and even though he just gave me that long lecture, I shook my head. I didn't want to let go of myself…I'm the only one hanging on.

"Zexion, one more time. Put them down." He said and I could feel myself tearing up. "I'm going to force your arms down." He said as he pulled them tight by my side. I let out a sound of discomfort as he kept them strictly at my side, choking my wrists.

"I am authorized to chain your wrists even as we do this, so it's up to you. Can I let go? Or do I need to restrain you further?" Leon asked and I shook my head, relaxing my arms to show that I was going to listen.

"Ok. Now I'm going to remove the hospital gown. Is that ok?" he asked and I shook my head. Yea he's seen me piss before but still.

"Then I'm going to have to restrain you so I can get someone else to do it." I shook my head quickly. Fuck if someone has to do it, I'd prefer it be him.

"Can I continue?" he asked and I nodded shyly. He kept one hand on my left bicep and used the other to strip me. "Into the tub." He said as he walked me into the shower, my back still towards him.

I heard some noises behind me, like he was getting things ready even as he kept his one hand on me. I started to turn around when he squeezed harder.

"Don't move." He said calmly and I sighed. I didn't like being naked in front of him, or hell, anyone. Except, well, maybe Demyx…

"It's a sponge bath, so I'm going to run the water but it won't touch you directly. I'm going to ring the sponge around you and let that get you wet. Because of your condition and scars, it's only going to be water." He explained and I shivered.

"I'm going to test the temperature of the water on your left arm. If it's too hot, I want you to turn your head up. If it is too cold, I want you to turn your head down. If it is just fine, stay still. For any movement, do so slowly." Leon said and when I felt the water, I shivered and tried my best to slowly lower my head.

"Ok, now?" he tried again with warmer water and I stayed still, looking straight ahead. "Alright." He soaked the sponge up with one hand and still had his other on my arm. After he let the sponge absorb water, he squeezed it over my chest and my back and let it drip.

"I'm going to let the sponge make contact with your body." He warned and when he started at the back of my neck, it tickled. "You ok?" he asked and I nodded slowly. He continued but I squirmed. "I need you to stop moving." He said plainly as I fought the urge. Not my fault I'm ticklish.

"Are you uncomfortable?" he asked and I didn't respond. He continued without an answer and then when the sponge brushed my side, I stepped to the side, away from it.

"Stay still." He said firmly as he gripped my bicep extremely tightly. I let out a gasp of pain and fear as he hurried to finish. That only made the tickling worse. I couldn't help my body's reactions to squirm and wriggle, but it was only making him squeeze harder.

"Ok, I'm about to grab the restraints." He sighed and I shook my head. "Why are you moving?" he asked and I slowly turned to show him my hands as I moved them in a tickling manner. "It tickles?" he asked and I nodded. He sighed again. "If you said so I wouldn't have been so harsh. I thought you were resisting." Leon said as he motioned for me to turn around.

"Place your palms on the wall." He said as I did, still in the tub, hoping to just be done with this all.

"Ok, I'll be careful." He said as he continued to rub the sponge on my body. When it hit my tickly spots, I tried my best to control myself and he even let out a low chuckle. "It's ok." He said as he gently rubbed the sponge over my chest.

SHIT! That felt good. Too good. It swept over my nipples and I rushed my hands to cover my mouth to hide a moan.

"I need your hands back on the wall." Leon said and I slowly returned my palms to the tile as he moved further south. My heart was beating faster and I had to work to control my breathing.

"Are you ok?" he asked and I didn't respond. He took his hand off of my bicep and sighed loudly. "I'm going to have to bend down. I trust that you are not going to, in a way, try to harm me. I just want to warn you that if you try, you'll be in this hospital longer than you can imagine." He said and I nodded. Did he threaten me?

"I didn't mean it to sound that way. But I do have to make it clear that I will protect myself." Leon clarified and I nodded again. "Ok, I'm going to start." He squatted and started at my calves, then up my thighs. I bit my lips and he let the sponge run up my sides once before he stood up.

"Stay still." He said and I prepared for something bad, till I felt him drying me off with a towel. "Alright, put your arms out in front of you." He said as I listened, letting him put the robe back on. "Done." He said as he closed it up in the back. "You can turn around." I did and I felt really helpless. I just had to let this guy clean me, cause I can't do shit on my own.

"Thank you, for listening." He said and I nodded. We walked back to my bed and he helped me in. "If you want me to leave, I'll have to restrain you." He said and I shook my head. I didn't want those chains. And at the same time, I didn't want to be alone.

"Ok, then I'll have to stay in here for the entire night. I can't leave you alone in here without the restraints." He said I nodded, getting in bed.

"Goodnight." He said and I smiled and signed it back to him. I rolled on my side, my back towards him, and drifted off to sleep, thinking of my Demyx.

I woke up about an hour after I originally fell asleep, and when I opened my eyes, I was looking right at Leon. I must have rolled over in my sleep. But what surprised me most….is that he was still awake and in the exact position that I last saw him in.

"Go to bed." He said and I nodded as I closed my eyes and snuggled up to my pillow.

I fell asleep again, but woke up a few hours later, shivering. I sat up and saw that Leon was still there, this time, looking tired.

"Here." He got up and grabbed a blanket off a shelf in my room and placed it over my small blanket.

I signed, 'thanks' and frowned. I felt bad. Has he been up this whole time? He came in my room around nine in the morning yesterday, where he's been ever since. Now it's nearly three in the morning, and he hasn't slept a wink.

"Go to bed." He said and I held my wrists out. "What is it?" he asked and I pointed to the restraints. If me being free meant keeping him here, then I'm just being selfish.

"You want me to restrain you?" he asked, obviously surprised by my request. I nodded. "Why?" he asked and I shrugged. He didn't move, so I pointed to him, and then signed 'sleep'.

He chuckled and shook his head. "I'm ok. I can stay up for another four hours before I'll crash."

It was my turn to shake my head. I pointed to him again and signed 'sleep'.

"I'm fine." He said again but I held out my wrists.

"I know you hate these things. Don't wear them any longer than you have to." Leon said, taking the restraints and putting them high up on a shelf. "Go to bed." He said and I smiled before I signed thanks.

I once again fell asleep, waking up lightly and rubbing my eyes. The clock read five in the morning. I looked over at Leon, who was lightly snoring in his sleep. I smiled. He really is a good guy. I mean, anyone who's willing to sacrifice sleep to babysit me must have a heart, not that I doubted that he had one. But still, he was the only one that understood my efforts. With another big smile, I fell back asleep, wanting so badly for time to pass by so I could wake up and have Demyx be there.

Instead, I woke up hours later with a scream. Did I just scream? I had a nightmare. My heart was racing and I was panting and somehow I was sitting up.

"Zexion!" Leon sprang up, freshly woken up, and sat on the bed next to me. "You ok?" he asked and I started crying, leaning forward to rest my head on his chest. I dreamt that….that I died. And that Demyx found me…..and I was dead. And then, he died next….

"Shhh, it's ok." Leon held me as I sniffled. I don't care where I get sent anymore. I just don't want to ever make anyone cry again. I don't ever want to hurt anyone ever again. I've done enough hurting, to Demyx, to Leon, and to myself.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note<strong>: OMG so I feel really bad that I haven't been able to post with all the homework so I totally extended this chapter right now. Originally it ended when Demyx, Axel, and Roxas left, but I owe you all more, so I hope you don't mind my last minute rush writing! I apologize for spelling/grammar errors, but I don't have time to edit, and I figure that most of you would prefer a sooner post anyway ;)

Thanks for reading!

To myfishy3: yay, glad to hear from you and I'm glad that you liked it!

To kindofabadger: lol yea, I wouldn't trust Xemnas either lol. Yes, my promise will come very soon, just hang in here ^_^

To KidaKama: Exactly how I feel. I've been on both sides, although not nearly as dramatically as this, but it's still rough. Lucky you! I've been to the same few many times, for sports injuries so usually I don't have to stay long enough to eat, but still, I've made it and I know whats in it. Enough for me to say no thank you lol.

To Otwamewliart: I want to start by saying that everytime I write a review in response to yours, I struggle with your name. I cant ever get it right lol. Anywho, I totally agree. Zexion needs to talk! Awwww, I feel so honored to give Zemyx a boost in your life! Kennst du Deutsch? Ich kann Duestch sprechen auch! My German isn't like perfect, but I'm in the fifth level at my college, so its good enough for me lol. And that's awesome! I love how you yelled pants! Awww, well I hope that this chapter helped even more ^_^

To ForeverUke: ….he screamed….does that count? Yes, I am a tease, I've been told so many times before lol. You've died a lot from tension from this story! I shall post this and hope it keeps you alive a bit longer lol.

To 18plusforme: Yay! I'm glad that you like my stories! I totally almost gave a huge spoiler away…I'm so bad at this lol. Hahahaha! Maybe he is O.o lol jk

To Shadowridge: I'll give him the message lol. No, I do not use drugs, nor do I smoke anything nor do I drink alcohol. I'm completely 100% all of that, from cigs, to beer, and drugs of every and any kind. I know a lot about them and I feel so strongly against them because I've seen what it does to my friends and it pisses me off. Another reason why I'm writing this. Well I define creepy as a category under scary, lol. Um, no, I don't think its wrong.

To AkixYusei: Yea, that scene was hard to write. A lot of this is actually hard to write…which could be why I haven't written in a long time. It's very emotional and I'm already struggling with college. But it shall pick up soon ^_^

Thank you everyone for reading and commenting. **Please check out my other Zemyx, A Scattered Dream!**

Heart, Sarabellum


	10. New Day, New Changes, New Rules

I couldn't fall back asleep after my nightmare, and Leon stayed with me even though he only got about three hours of sleep. We watched some TV together when Tifa walked in.

"You have a visitor. Aerith is here." Tifa smiled and I only frowned. I knew that she was coming to tell me my sentence…to tell me to pack up and get the hell away from society. After all, I am a monster. I scare people, I hurt people, I do it twice to myself. I don't belong with anyone. I didn't want to go with Xemnas, if was being honest with myself, but life never cared about giving me what I wanted before.

"Zexion?" Aerith walked in, her voice sounded more sad than it usually does. I couldn't look her in the eye. "I talked with Xemnas yesterday." She said and I nodded. I knew already. I sighed. I didn't want to go, especially now that Demyx, Axel, and Roxas weren't angry at me anymore.

"You're nodding? So, do you know already? Did he tell you?" She asked and I shrugged. "Are you ok with that?" She asked and I nodded with a small silent tear. "Zexion, I thought that you'd be a bit happier." She asked and I looked at her confused. Why would I be happy that I'm losing all my freedom, my few friends, and my ability to see the sun for the rest of my life?

"I just thought that you'd accept it more positively." She whispered quietly. "Well, Axel, Demyx, and Roxas are all helping me move your stuff over now, so that you can move in right after you're discharged from here." Aerith said and I nodded. Of course, they must be happy that I'm being locked away. After all, all I am is a monster.

"Demyx was really happy for you when I told him. Axel too, and even Roxas; they're really looking forward to your recovery Zexion." Aerith smiled and I looked away. Do they hate me that much that they're glad that I'm leaving? So much for 'real friends'.

"Zexion, are you not happy to be moving in under my supervision?" She asked and I was about to shake my head when I realized what it was that she was saying. I raised an eyebrow, curious if I heard her right.

"Did you think that Xemnas was going to send you to rehab?" She asked and I nodded. She smiled. "I talked with him, and we decided that you living with me would be most helpful, since it will give you opportunities and incentives to try to recover." She explained and I smiled as I panted.

Shit. That was close. I…I'm not going away!

"I'm glad to see you smiling." She said and I nodded, about to cry tears of joy. "Now, it's time for me to finalize the process. I'll be here around noon, tomorrow, for when they discharge you. I already worked it out with the agency, and your aunt has already given her consent to your belongings. Like I said, there will be rules. I'm under orders from Xemnas to tell him if you break any. One broken rule, and you will be sent straight to the rehabilitation center, understand?" I nodded quickly. "Alright. Rest up." She said as she left.

I immediately grew bored of the TV and Leon had to chain me up because he well over-worked his shift.

"Sorry kiddo." He said as I sighed. I had taken advantage of my freedom while it lasted. I shrugged.

"Do you want me to bring Cloud in?" He asked and I shook my head. I grew fond of spending time with Leon, since he seems to understand me, at least better than most.

"Alright. I'll be back later tonight. Maybe we can play cards again. It's my turn to win a few rounds." He smiled and I smiled with a nod.

"Rest up kiddo." He tussled my hair and left as I sat there, even more bored than before. After a few hours of watching pointless TV, I decided that a nap was the only thing that could speed time up. It was getting late and Leon hadn't returned like he promised. Why was I so disappointed? Well, I guess it makes sense. I mean, he has a life too. And since I don't, it's nice to have company, even if he's getting paid to be here. I really wanted to nap, but I just couldn't get comfortable.

I had my legs free and I was able to adjust my body more, but my wrists were still tied down. It was starting to bother me, so I pressed a red button to call a nurse. The remote was in my hand and I kept it there in case I needed something, since I wouldn't be able to grab it if it were anywhere else.

"Can I get you anything?" Tifa walked in and I shook my wrists. "I'm sorry sweetie, but you need those." I shook them again. Maybe she would give up since Leon isn't there? "Do you want me to move them to different spots on the bed, to help you get more comfortable?" She asked and I nodded. The chains could be placed anywhere on the bed rails, and in the day they had to be straight at my side, but at night I had a bit more freedom so I could sleep.

"Is this ok?" She asked, after I moved both my arms to the same side so I could sleep on my side. I nodded. I curled up and sighed through my nose. "Get some sleep, ok." She combed her fingers through my hair and I snuggled up to my pillow. Tomorrow, I'd have to start playing life to a set of new rules. But just one error and I could lose everything. This was going to be difficult, but if I could convince Demyx that I really do love him, it'll be worth it.

I had just drifted off into the lightest of sleeps when my door cracked open. I started to sit up, even with my wrists chained down, when chocolate stained my vision.

"Shh, lay back down." It was Leon and I nodded as I let my exhausted head crash on my pillow. I felt him move my hands and when I realized that he unchained my wrists, I sat up and quickly attacked him for a hug. He was a bit shocked, and I realized that I shouldn't ever make sneak attacks on him, but nonetheless, he hugged me back.

"Go back to bed." He said when he broke the hug, but I shook my head. "Why not?" he asked and I signed 'bad', as if to say, I don't want to. Then I signed the word 'sign', asking him to teach me more, but I was surprised when he sighed, shaking his head.

"You know, when I taught them to you at first, it was because I thought that signing was better than no communication at all. Now that I think about it…it's just an excuse for you not to talk. If you were physically incapable, of course I'd teach you. But making the decision to talk is part of your healing process. I can't hinder that. I'm sorry." He sat in his chair and I frowned.

"If you say 'please', then I'll do it." He said and I signed it, but he shook his head. "I'm glad that we can communicate with signs, but really, you need to start talking if you ever want to make progress." Leon sighed again and I looked away.

"It's late, and you have a big day tomorrow. You should get some sleep." Leon said and I shook my head. I didn't want to sleep. I didn't want to do anything. I wanted people to stop telling me to talk and I wanted to just be with Demyx already.

"Zexion, go to bed." Leon stood up and tucked me in. Dammit, now I was cozy in the blankets. "Shh, it's ok. I'll be right here." He cooed and I nodded through closed eyes.

Leon's right. Tomorrow is going to be a new day with new changes and new rules. And as excited as I am…I'm also….terrified.

* * *

><p><strong><span>Author's Not<span>**e: So I want to apologize since I haven't posted in a while. Going through some rough times including roommate drama, friend drama, relationship…sorta drama? …and just college in general. Anyway, I know that this chapter was short, but I am hoping to try to get some writing done in the next few days so that I can have more to post! This story is far from over, even if it may take me a while to update. So thank you for being patient with me!

To kindofabadger: Oh yea, I'd totally love to get one from Leon, but at the same time, it must be horrifying at first. Aww, thanks! I love Leon, so I'm glad ^_^

To ForeverUke: Lol, well you didn't specify! I should have him scream more, but like I said in that message, he wont talk *spoiler alert* lmao.

To 18plusforme: Awww, I feel so special! Thanks! It's nice to know that people look forward to reading what I have to write =)

To CatlinP1997: it's all good. I'm so glad to hear such great news! I wish her the best!

To KidaKama: Man, that sounds awful. Aww, yes I Love Leon so uber much so don't worry, I'll keep him around somehow in this story ;) (wink, spoiler, wink) lol ^_^ hahaha, yea, I think school just hates people in general. Right now its at its worst ever and it'll stay this way for the next 6 weeks, but after that I'll have a life again where I can eat and sleep on a regular basis .

To shadowridge: Hmm, I think I remember a bit of my first, but I kind of dived right into it all at once, so I cant say for sure. I know it was KH Soriku, but I think that's it. Yes, field trip is over. I'd like to add more or a sequel, but right now I am unable to do ANY writing at all because of my classes. So six weeks from now I should be able to start writing again and I'll consider that story. I still have many others that I'd like to extend first.

To RoxasVentusHikari: no, it does not bother me at all ^_^ I'm just glad to get a review in general, so thank you! My answer to your question concerning Zexion speaking in the 'limbo' place would be to think of it as a step in between death and a dream. I thought of it (when I wrote it) like a dream-place that could end in death, like they say when someone is in the process of dying. That stage might come up or be explained again, so yea, I'd think of it as one of those 'stages'. Talking in a dream isn't so special, neither is doing random things you wouldn't ever do while awake, so yea. Does that answer/help? Wow, I'm so sorry it made you cry! But I am a bit happy that it was that powerful . Awwww, you really are so sweet! I am so thankful to have reviewers like you ^_^

To dpm41196: Lol thanks, I'm sure if you look you'll notice a ton of errors. I'm cram-writing as I'm cram-studying for classes, and I don't believe in Beta's, so yea :P I will keep writing this story. It is going to be pretty long and intense. However, due to college and recent circumstances, I will not be able to update as often as I'd like, so please be patient, but know that it is nowhere near over! ^_^

To AkixYusei: I love Leon too! Glad you liked him as well. Well, here it is! Lol

To emerald7: I'm SO glad that you felt all those emotions that I was trying to get at. Aww, I'm really glad that you liked it ^_^ thank you for waiting and being patient. Sadly, college has to come first, then sleep, then eating, and then my actual life (aka, friends, video games, fanfic) lol :P

To Otwamewliart: Yay, I glad you liked that idea. Man, that does sound intense. It's hard when you attempt, because people treat you differently from then on. Hahaha, that's awesome! Ich bin in meinen zweiten Jahr, aber in meine Universitat, dass ist die funften Jahre. (I'm not about to go add umlauts n shit, way too much work, sorry lol). Die Uni macht mir spass, aber ist sehr arbeitet und Hausaufgaben auch!. Viel Gluck!

To Rawritsakookye: If he starts talking? Hmm, I wouldn't read one of the responses I wrote above…just guna leave it at that . I will always update as soon as I possibly can ^_^ Thank you for being patient.

Thank you everyone for reading and being patient with me! **Check out my other Zemyx**, **A Scattered Dream**, while you're waiting ^_^

Heart, Sarabellum


	11. Happy Move Out Day

I woke up startled, going from dead asleep to right awake when I heard giggling.

"Dammit Rox!" Axel cursed and I blinked to see my three friends hovering over me. I gulped and my eyes went wide with mild panic. What were they doing? Where was Leon? He must have restrained my wrists and left while I slept. Did he go home?

"I'm sorry! He's too tall and Zexion wasn't waking up." Roxas said and I gave them a curious face.

"We wanted to surprise you, but I guess it didn't work." Axel shrugged and I continued to wear my curious face.

"Happy Move out day!" Axel and Roxas sang as they each stepped aside and Demyx sprang up from where he must have been squatting, a big bow on his head and a giant smile on his face.

I was impressed…and grateful to have these three idiots in my life. I gave a small smile.

"We love you Zex!" Demyx's smile caused me to smile wider.

"Are you ready to get out of here?" Axel asked and I nodded.

"Good morning." Leon and Cloud came in and took out all the straps and tubes, the IV, and everything else that was attached to my body. Leon helped me sit up and they each assisted me with my clothes while Demyx, Axel, and Roxas waited outside the hospital, with Aerith, by her car.

Leon escorted me out of the hospital and once I gave him a quick hug, I ran to Demyx. My legs felt weak but I didn't give a shit. I ran to him, not caring if I tackled him in the process. I jumped up into his arms and he caught me. I clung to him with all my strength, my fingertips going white with how badly I clawed his sweater, my legs wrapped around his body.

"Mmm, my baby." Demyx smiled as he held me tightly.

"Alright, our turn." Axel said as Demyx set me on my feet. I hugged Axel, then Roxas, each with just as much joy and thankfulness to have them in my life. Then I hugged Aerith and they each smiled at me.

"You really do seem different." Axel said as we all got in the car, Roxas in the front and me in the middle of Axel and Demyx.

"Yeah, he does." Roxas turned around and I blushed with a small smile.

"It's his smile." Demyx put his arm around me. "He's got such a gorgeous smile." Demyx sighed into relaxation as I melted into his arms. The rest of the car was spent discussing the things that I missed out on while I was in the hospital, like Axel blowing up another science experiment, Demyx actually wrote a new song, and Roxas even started a new book. When I heard that Axel blew up another chemistry experiment, I smiled and rolled my eyes. That didn't surprise me.

When I found out that Demyx wrote a song, I raised an eyebrow to ask what it was about.

"It's about two people who love each other, and how love isn't about finding someone perfect; it's about finding someone perfect for you." Demyx smiled and I smiled back before I kissed his cheek. When I was told about Roxas' book, I smiled in encouragement.

"I was really hoping to get some help from you about it. It's about a troubled teen who relies on his three idiot friends to help him through life." Roxas smirked and I nearly laughed before I nodded that I'd help him.

"We're home." Aerith announced as she parked her car in the driveway. We all walked into the living room and Aerith gave me a tour. There were two bedrooms and two bathrooms, one private one in her living room and another in the hallway that I could use. There was a small backyard where she had her garden and after she showed me the kitchen, we all sat down so I could be read my rights.

"Now remember that if you break one rule, Xemnas will be here within the hour." She warned me and I nodded. "You may have noticed that I had Axel take down your bedroom door. Also, Roxas has removed all the objects that I find a safety hazard from your bathroom. You will be timed on how long you can be in there with the door shut, so make it count. There are no knives or scissors in the kitchen, or allowed in this house unless I am the one holding it. If you need to use a knife or scissors, ask me and I will cut it for you. You are not allowed to stay at home alone. You will go to school early with me and stay late until I am done. While at school, after it gets out, you don't have to stay with me but you are not allowed to go anywhere alone and I must know where you are going, for how long, with who, and when you change locations." She paused and I nodded; those rules did make sense considering I could have been taken away. "I will treat you with respect, and I expect the same in return."

I nodded again. "There is one more rule. This is the most important, so listen carefully. If there is anything that you want in this house: water, food, to go to the bathroom, or even to go to bed, you must vocally say so." Aerith said and my eyes widened. I just knew that it would come up, but not for small shit like this!

"So I'm going to ask who wants to eat. Those who would like to eat, say 'yes please'." She looked at Axel, Demyx, and Roxas. They all answered as instructed and looked at me. Even as they stood up, I sat there, bored, and angry.

"Zex?" Demyx called me and I frowned.

"How long do you plan to keep this up, Zexion?" Aerith asked me quietly. "Eventually you'll have to eat and drink and shower and use the bathroom. Why put yourself through the torture? Just start now, and then it'll all get easier." She said and I looked away. I knew that. I knew all of that. Dammit, I'm not stupid! She can't starve me though. I can starve myself. I can torture myself. But she's a social worker, a woman who couldn't live with herself if I died of starvation. I could last longer than she could.

"No? You still don't want to talk?" She asked and I stayed perfectly still. "Alright. Well if that's the case, I want you to know that I've already warned Axel, Demyx, and Roxas to only communicate with you if you verbally communicate first. So if you don't want to speak, you can sit there quietly while we talk." She entered her dining room with my friends as I watched.

It's not that I can't talk, everyone knows that. But, once I start, they'll expect me to do it regularly, and that's what scares me. I used to talk a lot. And I used to love poetry and fiction. But once I started living with my aunt, no one cared about what I had to say. Once my dad died, I realized that all fiction books do is tease you about what you don't have. I don't want to see what I'll never have. And I don't want to talk if it's only a matter of time before they all tell me to shut-up again. I just don't want to go through it all again.

I watched with envy and with hurt as they talked about school shit. Occasionally my stomach would loudly rumble and they could hear it in the kitchen as I sat in the living room.. Occasionally, Demyx and I made eye contact, but he looked away soon after each time. Sick of being invisible to my own friends, I whimpered loudly through my closed lips.

Aerith turned around. "Are you ready to talk?" She asked and I nodded.

They all sat up and stared at me. I cleared my throat nervously. Demyx stared at me like he didn't believe I could do it; like he knew that I'd only fail again after getting his hopes up. I opened my mouth but nothing came out. I coughed, made a whimper sounds, but no words.

"Tell me what you want Zexion. Just one word: food, water," Aerith suggested and I grew frustrated at myself. I really wanted to but it's not my fault that nothing came out! I tried again but still, nothing.

I looked to Demyx for comfort, but he only rolled his eyes and stood up.

"I need to use the restroom." He said, clearly just trying to excuse himself from the room. I gasped and panted, extending a hand out to him even as he took a few steps away from me.

I looked back to Aerith, who repeated herself. "Just tell us what you want."

I returned my gaze to Demyx, who continued his exit from the dining room. I could feel my heart pound, my throat swelled, and my chest ached. With one more attempt I opened my mouth and I could feel my heart rising in my throat as I inhaled.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note<strong>: Predictions? Anyone? Lol, I'm doing my best to write as much as I can with the little free time I have, so I'm sorry for the short chapters.

To KidaKama: thanks, I hope all this crap ends soon enough and that these next few weeks go by fast so that I can have a life again lol. Hmmm? Interesting take on Leon, and I'll say that your intuition is close. Any predictions?

To Otwamewliart: Yea I cant ever shut up, unless I'm super angry, but still, its so hard for me not to talk. Same. I try to live my life and show how much I've changed. Life sucks for everyone. It's the sad truth but people really need to get over their pity parties and just make the best with what they have. My opinion at least.

To Casper: It's all good, I'm just glad to see a review! Awww, don't be jealous! If I had time I could probably make it better, so that is my goal for once these classes end! I don't know his FF version as well as I know his Kingdom Hearts, which is where I love him mucho. ….Do I gets a cookie? O.o

To 18plusforme: Yes! Zexy is out! YAY! Lol don't be so sure about that ;) I can think of several ways to make this all work with him in a ward. I can change it all up to show you ;P lmao. Awww! Yay for ticklish ^_^

To Shadowridge: I'm doing my best to just write this story and it is going really slow. I will write the sequel but sadly I cant do all this writing at once. I'm doing 2 college years in one, so I'm already at my limit for where my time is spent.

To RoxasVentusHikari: Do YOU think that he'll talk? Hmm, that is a really good prediction, but you'll have to read to see. You have some good leads on what really will happen, but I do have quite a bit of surprises …and cliff-hangers…up my sleeve ;) And yes, I would love to work on that sequel once midterms are over and I have a bit more time to myself. Until then, I have to spend my little and treasured free time eating or sleeping. I don't even have time to write, I do it in my classes when the lecture is too boring or I'm too tired :P And thank you. Drama never really 'ends' but a break would be nice.

To CatlinP1997: lol, keep cheering him on!

Thank you all for reading and reviewing!

Heart, Sarabellum


	12. Say My Name

"How long do you plan to keep this up, Zexion?" Aerith asked me quietly. "Eventually you'll have to eat and drink and shower and use the bathroom. Why put yourself through the torture? Just start now, and then it'll all get easier." She said and I looked away. I knew that. I knew all of that. Dammit, I'm not stupid! She cant starve me though. I can starve myself. I can torture myself. But she's a social worker, a woman who couldn't live with herself if I died of starvation. I could last longer than she could.

"No? You still don't want to talk?" She asked and I stayed perfectly still. "Alright. Well if that's the case, I want you to know that I've already warned Axel, Demyx, and Roxas to only communicate with you if you verbally communicate first. So if you don't want to speak, you can sit there quietly while we talk." She entered her dining room with my friends as I watched.

They talked about school shit as I sat there in the living room, my stomach loudly rumbling. Occasionally, Demyx and I made eye contact, but he looked away soon after each time. Sick of being invisible to my own friends, I whimpered loudly through my closed lips.

Aerith turned around. "Are you ready to talk?" She asked and I nodded.

They all sat up and stared at me. I cleared my throat nervously. Demyx stared at me like he didn't believe I could do it; like he knew that I'd only fail again after getting his hopes up. I opened my mouth but nothing came out. I coughed, made a whimper sounds, but no words.

"Tell me what you want Zexion. Just one word: food, water," Aerith suggested and I grew frustrated at myself. I really wanted to but it's not my fault that nothing came out! I tried again but still, nothing.

I looked to Demyx for comfort, but he only rolled his eyes and stood up.

"I need to use the restroom." He said, clearly just trying to excuse himself from the room. I gasped and panted, extending a hand out to him even as he took a few steps away from me.

I looked back to Aerith, who repeated herself. "Just tell us what you want."

I returned my gaze to Demyx, who continued his exit from the dining room. I could feel my heart pound, my throat swelled, and my chest ached.

No. Don't leave me. Please. I can't do this anymore. My dad left me, my mom left me, my grandma left me. No more. I wont let Demyx leave me!

"Dem!"

Wait? I yelled? Fuck, it went quiet. I put my hands out for him as he stood motionless with his back towards me. He didn't turn right away, but when he did, there were tears in his eyes.

"Zexion?" He asked, uneasily.

"Dem." I repeated and Demyx ran up to me, picked me up, squeezed me, and spun us around. I…I talked? I had to have, why else would he be holding me so happily? Yeah, I talked.

"Alright Zex!" Axel joined in.

"I knew you could!" Roxas cheered.

"We are very proud of you Zexion." Aerith smiled as Demyx put me down.

"Say it. Say my name again." Demyx smiled through happy tears.

"D-Dem-Demyx." I gulped heavily afterwards before he strangled me with another tight hug. I didn't care. I want him to hold me and make me feel good. I wanted to feel like I did something worth noticing.

"Alright, let him breathe." Axel laughed after I started coughing from a lack of oxygen.

"Sorry." Demyx apologized after he loosened his grip.

"See? You already made a giant step. Good job." Aerith patted my back and I let my face fall on Demyx's chest. What did this mean now?

"Demy." I cried as I clawed at his back.

"Shh, it's ok Zexy." Demyx swayed us from side to side as I could feel my body going weak. Why? What was his body doing to me? I shivered violently and then, I fell on my knees.

I cried out, loudly, in so much pain as I covered my face with my hands. Why are they proud of me? I talked. Big fucking deal! I'm so pathetic! I'm so hurt! Can't they see it? I'm so hurt.

"Zexion?" Demyx kneeled right before me and I felt Aerith's hand circling on my back as I wailed.

"Shhh, it's ok." Aerith cooed as she comforted me.

"We're all here Zex, it's ok." Axel said as he knelt down too, Roxas as well.

I crawled to Demyx's arms and just sat there as he held me, sniffling, chocking down tears as he quietly hummed and swayed. Why did my dad have to kill himself? That's when I really stopped talking as much as I used to. Why did my mom have to abandon me for her drugs? Why did we lose house after house cause she spent all her money on alcohol and substances? Why did my aunt hate me? Why did my grandma have to die? Why was I so much like the people I hated?

I was getting tired. Fuck, now I wanted to sleep.

We all sat there still for a few minutes before Aerith got up and offered us all food again.

"Come on Zex, you need to eat." Demyx slowly pushed me away so I could sit up. He stood up and offered me a hand, which I took and didn't let go.

We all ate, at first silently, and then some mild chat about school. They continued to talk to me, but I was still too tired and emotional to respond. It probably showed in my eyes. I just wanted to sleep and wake up and have everything bothering me disappear.

Axel's energy is contagious, as he started blabbering on about random stuff, before he paused. "You know what? We should get a cake."

"A cake?" Roxas asked, reading my mind.

"Yea. Zexion talked on his first day here. I mean, no offense Zex, but I expected you to starve yourself for days before you caved in." I shrugged, cause I agreed.

"It's not caving in! It's making a wonderful accomplishment by taking a step forward in progress." Demyx smiled at me.

"True but even you were surprised." Axel pointed his spoon at Demyx.

Demyx thought before he nodded. "It did seem too good to be true. I've been waiting to hear him talk since we met." Demyx blushed and I did too.

"Dem." I smiled and he leaned forward to kiss my hair that covered my forehead.

"Aww," Roxas squealed and even Aerith smiled.

"Alright you two. You both better finish your soup if you want desert." Aerith grinned as Axel sat up straight.

"Desert?"

Roxas rolled his eyes. "Really Axe?"

We all finished our soup before Aerith invited us into the living room. I sat on the couch in between Roxas and Demyx when Aerith asked to talk to Axel privately in the kitchen.

"Can you…?" I barely heard Aerith as her voice drifted before I heard Axel's loud response.

"Haha, awesome! Yeah, I'd love to!" Axel's voice boomed as Demyx, Roxas, and I waited in a curious silence.

"Aerith is SO awesome!" Axel beamed as he followed Aerith out of the kitchen, holding a cake.

I shook my head with an amused smile.

"Welcome home Zexion!" Aerith read the cake and I gave a shy but heavy smile. I wasn't home. Home doesn't exist, not for me. But even then, I didn't deserve this. These four people are the nicest people I've ever seen. I didn't even realized that I was frowning till Demyx broke the silence.

"Zex? You ok?" He asked calmly as I felt his arm slide around my shoulders.

"H-Ho-Home." My voice was extremely shaky as I tried to smile.

"Yeah, home." Demyx smiled and Roxas nodded.

"You going to blow them out?" Axel asked as he extended the cake closer to me with its candles flickering.

I inhaled deeply and blew out the six candles.

"Why six?" Roxas asked, pointing to the candles.

Aerith laughed, "It's all I had." She shrugged before she and Axel went back into the kitchen with the cake and came back with slices.

"Here's yours Zex." Axel handed me the first piece, then one to Roxas. Once we all had a piece, we watched an action movie, which I started to fall asleep to.

"You tired?" Demyx asked once the movie came to an end.

I nodded as I rubbed my eyes.

"You should get some rest. You all have school tomorrow." Aerith reminded us.

"Yeah, and I have to drive these two home." Axel stood up and stretched as Demyx and Roxas stood up as well.

"Bye Zexion, see you tomorrow." Roxas hugged me goodbye.

"See ya later. Get some rest." Axel hugged me next.

"Bye Zex. I'll see you tomorrow. Be good for Aerith." Demyx hugged me tightly and kissed my side bangs before my three friends left.

I helped Aerith clean up silently before I grew too tired to keep my eyes open.

"Would you like to go to bed?" Aerith asked and I nodded. "Can you say it please?"

"Bed." I whispered and she smiled.

"I really am proud of you for making your first step. I know it meant the world to your friends, especially Demyx." Aerith said before she excused me.

I quickly brushed my teeth, which I had to do with the door open, and then I stumbled into my new room and crawled into my new bed.

I wanted to sleep so damn bad. I talked, so that means that people should leave me alone, right? I didn't care anymore. I wanted calm and relaxation. I wanted pot. SHIT! I haven't smoked in a long time. Oh well, it's not like pot itself is all that addicting. Not like speed. Fuck, I wanted to shoot up. My stomach started to churn and I had to control my breathing just to relax myself before it got worse.

I needed to sleep before the withdraws officially kick in.

* * *

><p><strong><span>Author's Note<span>**: HA! ZEXION TALKED! ZEXION TAKLED! So NOW are there any predictions?

**HUGE ANNOUNCMENT READ FAST**: As a special treat to how many awesome reviews I have, **WHOEVER WRITES THE 100 REVIEW WILL GET A SPECIAL TREAT**! Yep, so write fast, cause as of right now as I'm typing this, I have 99 reviews, so the first to write a review will get a special bonus. The announcement of who wins and what the reward is will be at the end of the next chapter, but you have to write now if you want to win ^_^ This will also be done if I get to 200 reviews, so if you already missed the 100th, keep reviewing to work towards 200 ^_^

To Rawritsakookye: I would love an omlette as well! Maybe I can make a lemony one ;)

To 18plusforme: Congrats! You totally called it! But you've also read like all of my stories, so you know my writing very well lol.

To AkixYusei: HE SPOKE HE SPOKE! Lol, I was thinking about holding this back a bit longer, but you all deserve to hear him speak. But trust me, there is so much more to come.

To Otwamewliart: Awww, you pretty much had it right lol! So far? Lol jk. I'm glad that you like it ^_^ Exactly. Don't change your circumstances to better your attitude, but rather, better your attitude to enjoy your circumstances. No one can get you down except yourself.

To CloudofDarkness'sProtege: Awesome name! Awww, thank you, you are too kind ^_^ Yes, ask away! I will do my best to answer as best I can. Aww, you really are too sweet. I actually struggle at making my stories "full enough" because I have ADHD and just run through it all, but I'm glad that this story doesn't feel that way. And I am very glad that I have "drawn you in". Labyrinth? I love that label, thank you! I appreciate your compliments. I study linguistics so I do my best to let it show. I tend to over-describe things, but to me, it's just impossible not to. I am so very honored that you like the way I portrayed the characters. I want to do them justice ^_^ Luxord is in here, at the very beginning as Zexion's math teacher. I can try to add more of him in here if you'd like ^_^A LuxZex? Sounds intriguing. Sadly I have my college midterms this week, so once I post this chapter, off to a study group I go. However, I will do my best to read it once I finish my last midterm. I can't guarantee that I'll be able to provide feedback as soon as you may like, just because I'm dealing with a lot right now. But I do promise that I WILL DO IT. And I will do everything I can to be as swift and accurate as I can. And I really am honored that you would ask this of me. Thank you. And I understand how hard it is when you just feel so lost and don't know what to do. So I will do my best to help as much as I can ^_^ And again, thank you so much for the lovely compliments.

To ForeverUke: Lol…..dont kill me? …..hahahahaha, it's a nice surprise, right? :P

To Shadowridge: Lol, is this better? Happy now? Hahaha jk

To Casper: YAY! What kind of cookie? ….is this update considered 'soon'? Do I gets another cookie? O.o Awwww, ok now you get all the cookies for that nice compliment. I really am so happy, your reviews make my day better ^_^

To Akuma-Wolf-Drake: Hahaha, consider yourself the best cheerleader there is! He talked! (and he thanks you for your support) =P

To CatlinP1997: He showed them! I totally love how you understand him. It can be really frustrating when people only acknowledge results and not effort. But yay he talked!

To Cirxe145: You're welcome! Lol, now you don't need a mental ward ^_^ He talked!

To AoiZora: Aww, why thank you! I study linguistics, so I hope that my grammar is at the very least, tolerable. I appreciate your feedback, really, it is a great up-lifter during some rough times I'm experiencing. I agree, they weren't being patient enough and they weren't appreciating his efforts, but that's the way that life is, and Zexion realized that you cant always wait for people to slow down, and instead, you just have to catch up. I used to play classical guitar and could read music sheets…like 5 years ago….now I can like play a couple chords here and there lol. Hahaha, most people hate my cliffhangers, like they cant handle the suspense. Please don't die! Thank you again for your review.

Thank you everyone for reading!

**Don't forget that the 1ooth reviewer will get a bonus special gift** and that this story will continue for a while, so I hope to award the same prize to the 200th reviewer, if everyone reviews enough ^_^

Heart, Sarabellum


	13. Carved in My Mind, and I HATE It

I woke up to feel a weird tickling on my nose. I slowly opened my eyes and gasped.

"Morning Zexion!" Axel shouted with his arms open wide. Roxas smacked Axel's arm and Demyx sat on my bed. I just rolled over, too tired.

"Come on Zex, get up." Axel said and I groaned.

"Don't you want to give Demyx a good morning kiss?" Roxas asked and Axel made kissy noises.

I sat up on my arms, hovering over my pillow before I turned around to sit on my knees. I rubbed my sleepy eyes before I pecked Demyx's lips.

"I love you Zexy." Demyx grinned.

"Did he call him 'Zexy' or 'Sexy'?" Axel mumbled as I smiled.

"Love Dem." I said and Demyx smooched my cheek.

"Come on, give him a real kiss already." Axel hollered and I blushed.

Demyx brought his lips to mind and I inhaled deeply. My lips slowly and subconsciously parted on their own just before I felt his tongue slip in. I shivered, my body tingling as his wet muscle slid over and around mine. We got really into it, or at least I did, craving his touch, until Axel whistled.

"Damn that's hot." Axel put his arm around Roxas' waist as Demyx pulled back, his face red.

"You two are really cute together." Roxas smiled in a much less creepy way than Axel as I rested my back against Demyx's chest.

"Breakfast is ready." Aerith came in and Axel ran out.

"Food!" he yelled as the rest of us followed with less desperation. We took our seats at Aerith's table and she serves us one by one.

"What would you like Zexion?" Aerith asked with a plate full of pancakes.

"Food." I barely said and she asked how many. I held up two fingers.

"How many?" She asked like she couldn't see my fingers.

I sighed. "Two." I said and she gave them to me. "Thanks." I mumbled and she returned it.

"I appreciate your cooperation." Aerith said as she handed me a glass of water.

We finished eating as Aerith got ready for a meeting with our school principal over some new changes happening to our school. My friends….yeah, friends…mine….my friends…and I cleaned up the kitchen and then lazily fell on the living room carpet.

"Ok so before I go to my meeting, I need to know what you all plan on doing." Aerith stood by the door, ready to go.

"I brought over all the homework that Zexion missed." Demyx handed me a stack of folders and I sighed.

"I brought over some movies." Axel held up covers to random chick flicks.

"Since when did you own this?" Roxas asked as he snatched the cover to a cheesy romance looking film.

"Don't hate." Axel swiped his movie back.

"Ok, well Zexion has to stay in this house, and if for any reason all three of you have to leave, call me so that I can arrange for myself to get back here." Aerith said and Axel stood up with a salute.

"You got it!" He saluted her and she smiled as she waved to all of us.

"Don't burn the house down." She laughed at her sarcastic statement, but when she shut the door, we all looked at Axel.

"What?" he shrugged and Roxas rolled his eyes.

"She was talking to you, ya know?" Roxas rolled over to lay on his back with his hands folded behind his head as a pillow.

"She was not." Axel rolled on his side and scooted to Roxas, using his stomach as a pillow. Roxas giggled and combed his fingers through Axel's long red spikes. They looked so cute and happy together. I couldn't resist the urge to look at Demyx.

He probably read the look on my face, cause he giggled too and rolled on his back so I could crawl over and use his tummy as a pillow. I wrapped my arms around him and he kept one hand on my back as he used his other hand to finger my hair.

"Goodnight." Axel chuckled and we all sat up.

"So, how about that cheesy girl movie?" Roxas asked and Axel sighed.

"It's a cute movie." Axel said as he got it ready.

"You should probably start your homework Zex." Demyx shrugged and I nodded. It shouldn't take me too long, but still.

Halfway through the movie, Roxas was bored out of his mind, my head hurt from cramming information, and Axel and Demyx were sniffling.

"He's going to leave her?" Demyx raced his hands to his Mohawk.

"I can't watch." Axel covered his eyes and Roxas sighed loudly.

"You guys are so stupid." Roxas said, moving closer to me on the couch. "Want some help?" he asked, picking up my literature textbook.

"Thanks." I whispered and he smiled as he helped me.

"Of course. I liked this book anyway." Roxas shrugged and by the time the movie ended, Roxas and I were halfway done.

"I…I can't believe he really left her." Demyx sighed while Axel swapped movies in the DVD player.

"Yea, it gets me every time." Axel shook his head as Roxas and I rolled our eyes at each other, still going strong with my homework.

"You two done yet?" Demyx asked and I shook my head.

"You want some more help?" Demyx asked and I shook my head again. Roxas was already doing the boring part, so all I had to do was the math, and I'd rather do that then trust Demyx. He's not stupid, but when it comes to numbers, I trust my own judgment over others.

"I think they want an excuse to not watch these awesome movies that they're missing out on." Axel smirked and Roxas chuckled.

"Aww, damn, you figured us out." Roxas nudged me and I smiled along.

"Such haters." Axel shook his head with a smile as the second movie started.

"I like the first one better." Demyx yawned as the second movie came to an end and Axel put it back in its case.

"Eh, it depends on what mood I'm in." Axel checked his phone. "It's getting late. When is Aerith coming back?" Axel asked and I shrugged.

"Do you have a date I don't know about?" Roxas asked and Axel rolled his eyes.

"My mom is getting all pissy again."

"Oh." Roxas sat up more seriously.

"You go, I'll stay with Zexion." Demyx smiled and Axel looked like he was thinking.

"I'd have to take Roxas; I'm his ride home since he lives closer to me." Axel said and Roxas stood up with a small stretch.

"I have to be home soon anyway."

"You guys go, we'll be fine." Demyx looked at me and Axel shrugged.

"Maybe we should tell Aerith."

"She said only to call if all three of us go." Roxas said and I nodded at the memory.

"Yea, but still, I just," Axel started as he stared at me. I knew that he didn't trust me alone with Demyx.

"What?" Demyx stood up as well and Axel squatted in front of me as I was the only one still on the couch. He was at perfect eye-level and his stare was burning my eyes.

"Promise me that you won't do anything to hurt Demyx, or yourself." He said and I nodded.

"Promise."

He nodded back. "Good. Call me if he breaks it." He told Demyx, who shrugged.

"We'll be fine, but I'll call if anything changes."

"Bye guys." Roxas waved, holding Axel's hand as they left.

"So," Demyx said to fill the silence as he sat back down on the couch. I rested my head on his shoulder.

"You tired?" he asked and I nodded. Roxas and I got so much homework done, it made me sleepy just thinking about it.

"Come on." Demyx stood up and cradled my weary body to my bed. We sat side by side at the edge of the bed, a heavy silence keeping us company.

"Do you want me to let you sleep?" Demyx asked as he put an arm around my side. I shook my head before I let it fall on his shoulder. I intentionally teased him by looking up into his sapphire eyes with a deceivingly innocent pair of my own.

"You're so cute." Demyx smiled at me and I puckered my lips for him. He giggled before he kissed me. Our lips made contact multiple times, each meeting getting harder and quicker till his tongue gently swept on my lips. I gave him the gap he was searching for, allowing his tongue to break through and taste mine. He tilted his head and cupped mine as he ravaged my mouth. I rushed one hand for the bottom of his Mohawk at the back of his head, tugging at the silky blonde locks. With my other hand I ran my fingers over his trimmed sides, loving the way it drove his tongue more forcefully in my mouth. He kept one hand in my hair and dropped the other to my side, rhythmically kneading my bare skin under my shirt. It was relaxing and sexy…till it tickled.

"Nygh!" I pulled back and he looked at me curiously.

"You ok?"

I nodded and he continued to look at me like he was thinking rather seriously.

"You….you're ticklish?" He asked with a smirk and I quickly and nervously shook my head, knowing that a confession would mean war.

"Oh…ok." He shrugged and scooted back over to me, continuing the kiss. I found it a bit odd that he gave up so quickly, but hell, I wasn't going to complain. We picked up right where we left off in our kiss, going deeper with lovers impatience when I felt his hand creep up the hem of my shirt, slowly ascending my side. I quivered lightly, trying not to give away his victory, when I felt him smile through the kiss. I opened my eyes, he winked, and I gulped.

"M?" I asked through close lips just as he pushed me on my back with him lying on top of me. Right away his fingers attacked my sides and I squirmed, trying to break free, attempting to fend away his hands with my own. Demyx grabbed both of my wrists with one of his hands and pinned them above my head. I panted, nervous.

"You know." He said as he straddled me. "I've never heard you laugh." He smiled poorly and I looked away. He looked sad, even though he smiled. He let go of my wrists and I sat up with him still in my lap. I gave him a hug and he exhaled loudly through his nose as he held me, and when he least expected it, I started tickling his sides.

"Ha! Ha! Zexy, hehe, Zexy stop!" He laughed and I smiled as I tickled harder. I totally had him until, somehow, he wriggled free and pinned me down again, my wrists trapped above my head.

"You asked for it." He grinned before he unleashed his fingers wildly on my body.

I fidgeted, but I could only handle so much.

"No! Demy! Hahaha, stop!" I laughed as I begged and to my surprise, he stopped.

He sat up calmly and rested his hands in his lap, his eyes looking heavy and serious.

"D-Dem?" I asked, a bit worried by his sudden change in demeanor. He looked off to the side and I crawled closer to him.

"You have such a cute laugh, a gorgeous smile, and a beautiful voice. I don't know why you'd ever want to hide any of it." He smiled so sadly, I didn't even think it was possible.

I bit my lower lip, I didn't know what to say.

"Now that you're not hiding anymore, please don't stop." Demyx's voice trembled and I nodded. "I just," Demyx started and I knew that our conversation was about to get heavy. "I just couldn't survive if anything really bad ever happened to you again." Demyx sat up and crunched his knees to his chest. "Zexion, I, I'm still in disbelief that this is all happening; that you tried to kill yourself and nearly succeeded." There was a long silence before he sighed. "Axel told you, didn't he? About me finding you?" I nodded slowly with guilt.

"Zex, the image of you lifeless and lying face down on the floor is carved in my mind and I hate it." Demyx put his hands to the sides of his head. "I hate it cause it hurts. It hurts Zex. I…..I thought you were dead." Demyx started to sniffled and I moved to hug him.

"Do you have any idea how scary it was?" Demyx cried in my arms as I held him tightly. "You were cold and unresponsive! Cold! So cold." Demyx bawled and I could feel my own heart beating faster.

"I can't Zex. I can't go through that again! It was so awful." Demyx hid his face in his hands and I rubbed his back.

"Sorry." I whispered in his ear and he shook his head.

"I thought you were dead. I …I wanted to die too." Demyx sniffled and I nodded, my chin resting at the top of his Mohawk. "I thought I lost you. I saw the scars, and I thought that it was too late. P-p-poor Axel had to stop me from hurting myself, cause I was so scared. I knew that it was my fault. It's my fault!" I cradled his head and shook mine.

"No, no Demy. Mine." I pushed his head back so that we could look each other in the eyes. "Mine." I said again and he nodded.

"Please, please don't hurt yourself again." He begged and I quickly nodded. "I mean it Zex. No more cutting, no smoking, no drugs, ok?" He asked and I looked away, holding in a sigh. Fuck. I was hoping that he'd be ok with pot. "Ok?" he asked again and I reluctantly nodded.

"Good." He sniffled again and I kissed his cheek. He wiped his face with his long baby blue sleeves and then laid down on my bed with his eyes closed. I curled up at his side and rested a hand on his chest, using his bicep as a pillow. He lazily threw his other arm on my hip and we laid there, still and quiet. After a few minutes my guilt of hurting him was killing me, so I kissed his neck repeatedly until he smiled and kissed me back.

"You know I love you, right Zexy?" Demyx asked and I nodded.

"Love Demy." I said back.

"We should finish your Lit homework." Demyx sat up and picked up the two books I had to read.

"Thanks." I smiled before we each started reading. It was pretty quiet, and I could tell that he needed that little rant to get rid of all the stress he'd been keeping inside.

The reading was boring and I was getting a bit tense in the awkward silence. I could tell that something was still lingering in the air, but for the life of me, I couldn't make it out.

"Zexion, I cant." Demyx sat upright and I was lost at the context in which he was speaking. "I do love you, I really do. But right now, maybe it's best if we just waited for things to get better for you."

I shook my head. What was he thinking? Damn me and my curious mind for knowing that something was going to happen!

"I just don't think it's a good idea for us to be so close and intimate when you have a lot that you still need to work on. Let's give it some time and see what happens." Demyx shrugged so easily and I panicked.

"Zex, I'm serious. It's for the best, for both of us." Demyx tried to smile but I shook my head.

"Love Demy." I said but Demyx sighed.

"I…I don't want to hear it Zex. Not now."

My eyes widened. "B-but," I was starting to pant in sorrow.

"Zex, I do love you. But right now we both need to focus on the healing. Once we are ready, we'll make it official, I promise." Demyx said and I realized that I couldn't argue. If he doesn't want us to be all relationship-like, then I can't force him. I sighed and he picked up his book again. With another roll of my eyes, I continued reading in the heavy silence, which is where Aerith found us a few minutes later.

"Hello, sorry I'm late!" Aerith ran in and Demyx sat up straight.

"No problem." How was your meeting?" Demyx asked and Aerith sat at the foot of the bed.

"It was a bit overwhelming, but it was necessary. Do you need a ride?" she asked Demyx, who shook his head.

"I live close enough. I'll see you tomorrow at school, ok?" he waved, hugged Aerith goodbye, and left. He just left. Like it was so easy. Aerith and I had a quick dinner before I went in bed, thinking about that talk I had with Demyx. I don't want him thinking that it was his fault that I tried to overdose, but I already felt like shit for letting him see me at my worst. I felt so guilty. And now he doesn't even want us to acknowledge our love for each other. This is just so much to take in at once.

It took me three hours to fall asleep as my conscious ate away at me. That night, I dreamt once again that I had died, and this time, my ghost met me.

"What? What's going on?" I thought as I saw my ghostly image stand before me.

"You wanted a way out, and you got it." My ghost telepathically responded and I gulped. He…I…turned and I followed. We walked up to this pale beat up door and when we stepped through, we walked into my old room at my Aunts house. I gasped at the sight of Demyx wailing and screaming. Axel had a hand over his mouth in disbelief, and I was lying on the floor face down. Just looking at myself from the view that Demyx had was horrifying. It was like having a nightmare inside a nightmare. I watched Demyx fall to his knees, I watched him pull at his precious hair that he desperately treasures. Axel was shaking his head as if he would not allow himself to accept the reality before his eyes.

"Dem, stop!" Axel shouted as Demyx started banging his fists against his forehead.

"Why? WHY?" Demyx screamed and Axel put his arms around him in a tight hold.

"We have to call an ambulance." Axel sounded scared, like he was on the verge of panicking as well.

"He's gone! He's gone!" Demyx repeated over and over. Axel let go of him and pull out his phone.

"Go outside and get his house number." He ordered but Demyx only swayed back and forth. "Demyx go!" Axel yelled loudly and Demyx slowly stumbled away, tripping like he was intoxicated.

"Hello? I need an ambulance! I don't know if he's breathing! Please! Help!" Axel frantically cried into his phone and while I stood there invisibly watching, I cried.

My ghost yanked me back into that white room, shut the door, and then…my alarm went off.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note<strong>: So…yeah. I know its been a while since I updated, but I'm feeling like shit. I just got dumped for the first time by my bff who asked me out and then a week later said it was over cause she changed her mind about her sexuality. SO yea, I don't really feel like I'm capable about writing about love at the moment. Not to mention that Valentines day (which I've always hated) is coming up.

What's worse is that my ex let me give her the nickname Zex, cause she's such a smart science-nerd bookworm, and I was Dem, cause I play guitar and have ADHD. Now that we are no more, I just don't even want to think of the pairing ….

I really want to write more, but its midterms and I'm pretty swamped with homework and exams, so hopefully I'll find time when I can. Thank you for reading and being patient with me!

Also, for that bonus gift to the 100th reviewer, congratulations KIDAKAMA! The prize? I will write a one-shot of ANY Kingdom Hearts Yaoi pairing you'd like! You can message me or write it in a review!

To KidaKama: YAY! You were the 100th reviewer! Which means that I will write a one-shot of any KH pairing you'd like. Feel free to tell me in a review or by messaging me which pairing you would like your one-shot to feature ^_^

To CatlinP1997: Yes! Congrats to Zexy! Only one way to find out about his withdraws…. Sarabellum out.

To Casper: YAY! I want cookies! Awww, thank you! I try lol. LMAO! You truly are a real Sarabellum fan, because you know that this is nowhere near the end ;) Good job for knowing me so well ^_^

To CloudofDarkness'sProtege: Maybe you'll be the 200th! Don't lose hope ^_^ Awww, I am so thankful to hear that. I would love to spend more time on this story, as it deserves, but I'm stuck between posting often or spending time on it. Aww, good, cause I was going for deep and emotional lol. I did read chapter 1 of your story, and I have some .. "edits" that I think could really improve the quality of a good plot. Most of the stuff that I spotted were the change of narration that happens quite frequently and unannounced, as well as change in tense. Also, I don't mean to be a stalker lol, but I saw that you are from Australia, right? There are some things about college that are not the way that we do them here in America, but I don't know if it's just done differently in Australia, or if you aren't in college yet and just aren't too sure about how some stuff is done. Lol, aww, well I am very flattered that you would have my babies lol I've gotten a lot of complements over fanfiction, but I don't think I've gotten that offer yet lol. My screenname, Sarabellum, was my nickname when I took Psychology in high school, because there is a part of the brain, the cerebellum, that controls movement and balance and stuff. My teacher assigned that part of the brain for me to do for a project and since its similar to my real name, everyone started calling me Sarabellum. It's written more than my real name in my yearbook lol. It got a little annoying, but I embrace it now :P Thanks for asking! LMAO! That is awesome! Hmm, that is a delicate question. Leaving it as it is now could explain why it has been going un-reviewed, but if you place it under akuroku when that isn't the focus, that could backfire, as it could misguide readers, who could not like the idea of wanting to read an akuroku, but having the story focus on Lexion. Personally, I would add more Zemyx, because (and forgive me, I've only read the 1st chapter) you mentioned how there used to be a crush between them. If you add more about that history and its relevance to the "now" of the struggle, you can place it under Zemyx, so as not to let down readers who are strictly looking for akuroku action. But ultimately it is your decision. If you would like, I can message you the things that I spotted in your story that I would recommend revising. I don't mind sending you what I did for the first chapter, although it might take a while before I can read the others. Or if you just want me to read and not edit, but help you with where to go next, I can do that as well. ^_^ Farewell, until next time!

To 18plusforme: Lol, you could be the 200th! You read so much of my work and review a lot (which I very much appreciate), so I'm sure its bound to happen! Isnt he adorable?

To camcamgorawraw: Your name is very complex lol. Aww, why thank you! I am so thankful that you took the time to express your compliments, it really does brighten my days ^_^. Love you too, and I shall keep writing! I'm going through a rough, busy, moment, but I will not retire! Lol. Love, Sarabellum

To kindofabadger: Lol, I know, I had to make his first word "dem", no matter how cheesy lol. Dammit! I should have deleted chapter 12 and made you wait lol jk ;) Thank you!

To ForeverUke: LOL! I'm SORRY! I know, I lied, I'm so mean . but at least it was a good lie. I'm glad that you are happy! Lemon? Maybe ;) By the way, Zexion talked, and I believe that you offered me stuff if I made him talk ;) lmao!

To KingdomKuroGeass: Aww, yay! Ii'm so glad that you feel that way! It took me a while to be satisfied with how I wrote it, but in the end, I didn't have any time to edit or revise, so I just posted it as is . I'm very happy to hear that you like it. I'm glad that it made the story work, and I hope that I don't disappoint you in following chapters. Thank you!

To destructivedoll: Awww, I cant even begin to describe how happy your review made me! Three times? Do you mind me asking at what scenes? Is that too personal? Lol, guess I'm just curious lol, you can ignore that if you want. Thank you, I am so glad that you appreciate the struggle it is to write about something so heavy. I'm so happy that you feel this story to be accurate and powerful, because those are my goals. I HATE FAIRY-TALE-ESQUE, although I do write it a lot. Sometimes I'll admit I'm in the mood for something positive and happy, and sometimes I'm in the mood to write it for others. But then there are times when it makes me mad, cause its just not at all relatable. Thank you again, I look forward to hearing more from you during this journey of the relationships!

To Shadowridge: If you keep reviewing you could be the 200th. Lol, I should have had him orgasm lmao! Thank you!

To Cirxe145: Yes! Hurray for Zexy! Thank you for reviewing!

To dpm41196: I do agree with you that it was pretty soon, but I already tortured many of my readers making them wait, and sadly I don't have the time to extend anything at the moment, or write, which explains why I can't update as much as I'd like. Thank you for reviewing!

To Akuma-Wolf-Drake: I wants a cookie! Lol Thank you for reviewing!

To camcamgorawraw: Welcome back! Lol, you are so sweet to be aiming for 200 already! I shall not forget this! Lol. Hmm, well I can't say anything about your prediction. Don't want to give stuff away ;) Wow, that is a tough question! Let's see. Well, for me, it's not even a "reason" that I have that just "makes me want to write". The way that someone once described MY writing to ME, was that I'm a write-a-holic. I do it not because I "want to", but because it's becoming a part of my identity that I can no longer live without. It's not a question of when or how or where I write, because it is a constant occurrence going on in my head. The only thing I struggle with is finding the time to get it from my head to the paper. I love it because it keeps me sane. I like control and order, and writing is the one place in the world where I can get that. For me, it is a coping method. If you read my other stuff, you'll notice patterns and similarities that can give you a hint to my real life. It's the only love I have that is unconditionally mutual. Thank you for asking! I'm happy to answer anything else ^_^ Thank you for reviewing, again lol

To Rawritsakookye: Yes, I agree, I love Lemony omlettes!

To RoxasVentusHikari: Lol, yes you called it! Thank you for your review on chapter 11 as well! Aww, well I'm ahppy to update, especially when I get so many wonderful reviews. So thank YOU for reviewing RoxasVentusHikari! I'm trying to balance, but I'm halfway done, so in just 5 more weeks, I'll have time again! Lol, no worries, I'm so thankful to just a review ^_^ Hope you got some rest!

To emerald7: 1) Oh no! I'm sorry! I hope you get better! And 2) I completely understand. I have one word for you, Midterms. Yep, I'm sure you know the pain lol. Aww yay! I'm so happy to hear that. I'm glad it made you smile! Yes, drugs are something to be feared, well, the addiction. I hate seeing what it did/is doing to someone I care about. I hope I can keep up my writing! Like you said, college keeps you busy, so hopefully I'll be able to find more time ^_^ Thank you for reviewing.

I just wanted to thank my readers and each and every one of my reviewers! You are so awesome and you really do brighten up my day. It is hard for me not to give up hope for Zemyx right now, just because I'm really missing my ex, who was the Zexion to my Demyx, even though we were hardly dating, but oh well, I guess it just wasn't meant to be.

Anywho, thank you for reading and for being patient with me!

**Heart, Sarabellum**


	14. Medicine

"Zexion, we're leaving in an hour." Aerith reminded me just as I sat up in bed, rubbing my leaking eyes. "Zexion? You ok?" Aerith rushed to my side when she saw that I was crying. I don't remember crying; I think I woke up crying, because of that dream. For some reason, I get the impression that it was more than a dream; like I was granted the ability to see what really happened. I guess I'll never know for sure, but it seemed pretty damn realistic to me.

"Zexion, what's wrong?" She asked once more and I put a hand to my tired head.

"Dream." I said and she exhaled loudly in sympathy.

"Did you have a nightmare." I nodded. "What was it about?"

I placed a hand over my heart. "Dead."

Aerith gasped and hugged me. "It's ok. Just take some time to calm down, then get ready, ok?" Aerith rubbed my shoulder and I nodded before I got ready for school.

As happy as I was to get out of the hospital, I was scared that school would be just as bad.

After my classes, where no one seemed to notice that I was gone, I had to go stay with Aerith in her office until she was ready to leave. When I saw a tall blonde hottie walk in, I smiled.

"Demy!" I shot up out of my chair to hug him. Sure, I just had classes with him, but he was acting all strange, and I think it was because of the talk we had yesterday. My plan was to act like it never happened and see if he would give up. So far it wasn't working.

"Hey Zex." He said cheerfully, but I could tell that something was off. "Can I keep him company?" Demyx asked and Aerith nodded. She had a small table in her office where Demyx and I worked on our homework. Ever since I woke up from that nightmare, all I wanted was to hold and be held by Demyx.

"D-Demy?" I asked and he looked up from his homework.

"Hm?" he leaned in close, since Aerith was on the phone and we had to keep it down.

"Hug." I held out my arms and I could tell that he was contemplating.

"Zex, remember what we talked about? I don't mind giving you a friendly hug, but I don't want to make it harder for us." He set down his pencil. Dammit! He actually meant it. Ugh, this was not what I was hoping for.

"Please?" I gulped. "N-Nightmare." I could feel my throat swelling up at the fear of what I dreamt. He exhaled loudly through his nose before he stood and held out his arms. I quickly moved to occupy the gap as his hands lazily touched my back. I squeezed him, but he didn't return the enthusiasm. I let my arms fall and took a step back, doing my best to guilt him with my hurting puppy eyes.

"Zex." He placed his thumb on my chin and titled my head up. I closed my eyes and made a slow pucker, waiting for his warm, soft lips.

Instead, I opened my eyes when I felt the touch of his thumb leave my face and I saw him going for the door.

"Sorry!" I reached for his hand and held it. "Sorry." I repeated as he let his hand fall out of mine.

"I can't offer you my love. Not now. Not while I'm hurting." Demyx turned to face me and shrugged. "I need you to understand that." I nodded, even though I didn't want to.

"K." I nodded as he sat back down at the table, turning quietly to his homework before I gave up and joined him. We worked silently for a while, even after Aerith got off the phone. Demyx was quiet and busily working and that scared me. He's usually so loud and cheerful and upbeat, but then and there he was all serious and solemn. I couldn't help but blame myself. He caught me staring at him a lot, but every time we made eye contact and I smiled, he looked back down at his homework. Is this what I'm doing to him? I sighed louder than I intended and both Aerith and Demyx looked up at me.

"You ok?" Aerith asked me and I nodded.

"Fine." I muttered with my hand smashing my cheek in boredom.

"How's the homework coming?" Aerith asked, probably sensing the heavy and awkward tension in the room.

"Going good." Demyx flashed a gorgeous smile that made my heartbeat rise before it dramatically crashed at the reminder that I couldn't kiss him. After another half hour of nearly pure silence, Demyx checked his phone and stood up.

"I'll see you tomorrow Zex." He waved as he left and I frowned.

"He just wants to do what's best." Aerith smiled to comfort me, and even though I had nodded, I didn't understand.

First people preach that what's good for one person isn't always what works for another. And then they try to act like they know you and know what you need. I know I need to 'heal' or whatever the fuck they call it, but why can't I have that and Demyx at the same time? I slumped in the passenger seat of Aerith's car as we drove back to her place.

"Zexion?" Aerith called my name and when I turned to look at her, she failed to smile. "Don't worry. Everything takes time."

I let my cheek smash against the window as I tried desperately to forget about the pain of love. What is love anyway? I've heard some say that it is unconditional, but how many times do you hear people critiquing and judging even those that they claim to love. Some say that love is kind, but how can it be kind and painful all at once? I'm so fucking sick of it? Fuck love. Fuck it all. I've never really had a relationship before, but why did my first attempt have to fail?

Back in my first year of high school, there was an emo chick named Xion who told me that she liked me. I was bored, so we went out. It didn't last long. She was really needy and I couldn't be there for myself, much less her, so she ended it. Shortly after that I realized that I just didn't have an attraction for girls anymore, and when I noticed that I couldn't stop staring at guys, I figured I was gay.

I've never had a boyfriend before, and for some reason, I was really looking forward to having Demyx. I think a main reason why I turned gay was out of a subconscious fear that Xion was a stereotype of all girls. She was needy, she cried a lot, she constantly wanted to hang out or hold my hand. And then, even when I really did try, I wasn't enough. She would ditch me for her friends and she would later give me shit for not being there for her, when all along I was the one watching her leave me. In the end, I figured that it was too much work and that all girls are probably just too clingy.

Then, then I started getting into guys, mainly their bodies and their personalities. Once I found Demyx, I knew that I could benefit from having him in my life. When I realized how special he made me feel, I never wanted it to end. But it did. It always does. Love is flawed, just like everything else in this broken world. I loved him and I even said his name dammit! Why is nothing ever enough? Why can't, just once, I be enough as I am to be loved?

Aerith and I went inside and right away I let my body fall on the couch.

"You tired?" She smiled amusingly before I closed my eyes.

"M." I grunted and she went into the kitchen to make dinner. The entire time we ate and while I tried pathetically to fall asleep, all I could think about was having to go through this every damn day. I didn't want to go with Xemnas, but having to see who I love and can't have is just as much torture. Maybe…maybe even more.

I woke up the next day not wanting to get up.

"Come on, let's go." Aerith woke me up and I groaned. She had to be on campus an hour before the students, so that meant one less hour of sleep I could get each night.

I struggled to keep my eyes open during the car ride, and I tried to nap in her office while she worked until normal people have to show up at a still unreasonable hour.

"Alright, you can go." Aerith dismissed me when the bell rang and called me to my first class.

I love having math first, because it was like the most positive way that I could start my day. I got to see Demyx and I get to enjoy a wonderful subject all at the same time.

"The average scores for your last test are lower than I expected, so we are all going to review." My teacher, Luxord began. He's a pretty cool guy, not at all what I would have expected a math teacher to look like. The beach blonde hair is one thing, but the many piercings running up his ear really makes him stand out.

Luxord began passing back everyone's tests before he stood up at the white board.

"Ok, we are going to go over each problem one by one." Luxord explained in his deep British accent. It's deep and soothing, but it has that tone that comes off as cocky. Then again, we're only high schoolers, and I bet he's fed up of babysitting some of the idiots at the school all day.

"That's so boring." Axel mumbled, looking at his nearly perfect score. I myself had yet to make up the test, but I wasn't at all worried.

"Thank you Axel for volunteering to share your answer for number one." Luxord grinned amusingly and Axel sighed as he sat up.

"I got 138. It's right." Axel bragged.

"Explain how you reached that conclusion." Luxord copied the problem onto the bored.

"Easy. Take the odds of one winning and multiply it with the expected pay-off of a fifty-fifty bet." Axel shrugged and Luxord nodded. We're learning percentages and odds with gambling games as a method of examples. It comes in handy. It proves how casino's rip people off. And maybe it's just me, but I get the feeling that Luxord is an addicted gambler, since he's always talking about how much he wins and never losses and how the math isn't always that accurate.

"Very good. Let's go down the row. Zexion? Number two?" Luxord knew that I never talked before, so I'm thinking he forgot when I was at the hospital.

"He hasn't taken it yet." Axel said for me and Luxord copied the problem on the board.

"I remember you getting perfects on nearly everything. Why don't you give it a shot?" Luxord extended the marker to me and I went to the front of the room, looked at the problem, and quickly solved it, writing out each step.

"He's right." Axel looked down at his paper and compared it to what I wrote.

"Excellent." Luxord smiled at me and I returned to my seat. When math ended I walked with Axel to chemistry.

"Vexen missed you. He said that you're just like me; smart, but the only difference is that you don't blow up shit." Axel shrugged and I smiled.

"Hello Zexion. Welcome back." Vexen said in his lab coat and goggles.

"Another lab today?" Axel grinned at the sight of the beakers and solutions put out for us.

"Yes, so hurry up and prep." Vexen said as Axel, myself, and the other students put on our lab coats, goggles, and Axel even had to tie his long hair up.

Axel only puts his hair up during labs and for some of the more intense PE classes, which are both rare, so I blushed at the idea of how beautiful his face looks with his hair up. It looked long, pale, and perfectly symmetrical with those shinning emerald eyes.

"Zex? You ok?" Axel asked, probably a little weirded out by my staring. It's been a while since we did a lab, or at least since I last saw his hair up.

I shook my head free of any distractions and nodded.

"Good, let's start." Axel took the beaker filled with bicarbonate and added it to some other solution that I didn't even get the chance to read the label yet.

"No!" I shouted as Axel added the entire beaker into the glass bowl, causing green smoke to come up before the solution boiled over.

Axel coughed, as did I, when Vexen snatched the empty beaker from Axel's hand.

"Did you not hear me when I said add a small drop?" Vexen growled and Axel shrugged.

"My bad."

"Go clean up." Vexen rolled his eyes as Axel and I went to the bathroom to wash up.

"I know what you're thinking." Axel wiped his forehead with his sleeve.

"M?" I raised an eyebrow.

"You're wondering how Vexen doesn't hate me. Not going to lie, but I wonder that a lot too. I think Vexen has a touch of mad scientist in him as well, so he understands my need to just be wild and live free." Axel opened his arms wide before he held open the bathroom door for me.

It made sense, but still, it must be annoying for Vexen to have to put up with how often Axel blows shit up.

"Hang on." Axel said as I started rubbing my face with a paper towel. He moved my bangs slowly, licked the paper towel, and cleaned my cheek. "Aww, lil Zexy needs to be cleaned." He teased in baby talk before I shoved his arm away.

"Dummy." I muttered as I moved closer to the mirror to see what remnants of the experiment remained on my face.

"Come on, we should get back." Axel waited by the door as I tried to get the last stain off my neck.

"Tall." I pointed at him to show him how the solution only made contact with his shirt and a small portion of his neck, which he already cleaned. "Short." I growled as I pointed at myself, clearly having gotten the worse end of it all by having my entire face soiled by a weird green color.

"Hmm, good point." Axel nodded before he grabbed my arm and dragged me out of the bathroom. We went back to class to clean up our station and attempt to fill out the worksheet as best we could without the accurate data.

After Chemistry I rushed to Music class, anxious to see my Demyx. I hated not being able to hold him, or be held by him, but Aerith keeps telling me that I need to understand where he's coming from. I do feel bad for everything I've put him through, but at the same time, is it wrong for me to want to enjoy him? I'm finally free of the hospital and the secrets, so why can't we just move on?

I took out the guitar as I usually did and I went to the backroom for some privacy. Usually Demyx meets me in the back but I guess he's still mad or whatever cause he didn't come like I expected. When the class was half over, I gave up and went back to the main room, letting the guitar hang loosely in my hands.

"That's great! You got it." Demyx smiled cheerfully to a shy blonde girl who I never really noticed before. She's always really quiet, and that means a lot coming from me. "Good job Namine." Demyx gave her a thumbs up as he stepped away from the piano that he was helping her play. He is the perfect Teachers Assistant for Music class, especially since our teacher, Saix, doesn't do much.

"Dem." I called his name softly, trying to avoid attention from the rest of the class, even though everyone was busy focused on their instruments or talking with their friends.

"Can I help you?" he asked, trying to maintain his professional presence.

I pointed to the backroom but he shook his head.

"I want to help everyone equally." Demyx said as he rushed off to help Hayner with the drumsticks he was about to break.

I sighed in defeat. I wanted my Demy back.

When class got out I waited outside the door for Demyx so we could walk to the locker rooms together.

"Dem." I said his name because he left the Music room and started walking off without me.

"Hey." He gave a quick friendly smile, but I saw past it.

"Dem." I stopped walking, but he didn't. I was getting frustrated. I just wanted to talk to him! I wanted a hug! I wanted a kiss! I wanted to be loved.

"Demyx!" I said louder, with the anger that I had defending my tone.

"What?" He lashed around, taking me by surprise when I heard the anger in his voice as well. I was so shocked, that I actually forgot what I wanted to say. Did I want to say anything to begin with?

"Uh," I couldn't look him in the eye.

"Whatever." He sighed before he turned around and kept walking.

"Stop!" I begged as I ran after him, took his hand in mine, and tugged on it. "Please?" I asked, desperate. I needed his lips. I need his touch, his warmth, his security.

"Zex, you're the one who needs to stop." Demyx yanked his hand free as I felt my lower lip quiver in sorrow. "Stop asking, stop cutting, stop smoking, and stop with the heavy drugs." Demyx whispered before he walked away again.

I tried to swallow the hurt as I followed after him. Did…did he really just say that? I know it's true, but still, it felt like I just had the wind knocked out of me. We silently entered the locker room, joining Axel and Roxas.

"Hey guys." Axel waved as he took his shirt off.

"Hey." Demyx replenished his energy with another one of his perfect smiles.

"How are you feeling?" Roxas asked me and I shrugged.

"You ok?" Axel asked and I nodded as I put my P.E shirt over my black long-sleeve shirt. Yea, I'm still using Demyx's spare shirt, and I love knowing that he used to wear it. God I'm so pathetic. And even though they've seen the scars already, I don't want anyone else to. I don't want to feel any worse than I already do.

I ignored their light chatter as I quickly put on gym shorts that made my pale legs look super skinny. I'm just glad that I'm not the only guy who shaves his legs. Demyx does it because he's a swimmer, and he said something when we first met about how it helps him go faster when he swims. Axel does it cause he….he said it makes him feel sexy. His words, not mine. Roxas doesn't shave his legs, but he doesn't have much to shave anyway.

"Yum." Axel licked his lips as Roxas stood in his gym shirt and briefs.

"Axe!" Roxas covered himself with his hands before he pulled his shorts on.

"So mature." Demyx rolled his eyes with a small smile, standing shirtless and gorgeous.

"Don't be a bitch just cause Zexion keeps half his clothes on when he changes." Axel smirked and I looked down at my converse shoes. He's got to know about the talk Demyx had with me, the two are best friends. But if he knew…would he have made that comment?

"Don't be a whore just because Roxas wears your underwear." Demyx said back and I looked up in curiosity at Axel. How the hell would Demyx know that? Unless it was a joke? But the smirk on Axel's face read otherwise.

"Don't be jealous cause Zexion isn't wearing yours."

"How do you know that these are Axel's?" Roxas' eyebrow went up, and I'm glad he asked, because I was curious.

"Please, we've been best friends our whole lives. That means sleep overs and stuff. And besides, how many people have underwear with circular swords on them?" Demyx rolled his eyes.

"They're called Chakrams!" Axel corrected Demyx.

"Would you two give it a rest?" Roxas grumbled as he stood next to me, probably feeling a little invaded.

"I'm just saying, you don't have to be envious." Axel batted his dangerously beautiful eyes with a low and soft seductive voice.

Demyx grinned. "I'll try not to."

"Come on, let's go." Roxas said and I followed him as we left the locker room with Axel and Demyx following behind us, whispering about something.

"What are they talking about?" Roxas asked and I shrugged. "Something seems off, with Demyx." He said and I began to doubt that he knew about the talk that Demyx and I had.

"That doesn't seem fair." Axel said hesitantly as he and Demyx caught up.

"You think where I'm at is fair?" Demyx asked and Axel shrugged.

"I think anything concerning a relationship should be mutual."

Oh god. They were talking about Demyx and me.

"If that were true then nobody would break up, cause it's almost always one-sided." Demy huffed.

"Yeah, but I mean, it involves both sides, so they should each have a say."

"What are you two talking about?" Roxas asked and Demyx sighed, like he was going to explain slowly and carefully.

"Demyx broke up with Zexion." Axel butted his large mouth in the conversation.

"We weren't dating!" Demyx said a bit loudly, and for some reason, the volume mixed with the actual words pierced straight through. I felt a physical reaction as the three words went in my ears. My heart paused, my breathing halted, and my stomach felt funny. I could feel the weight of his words resonate in my heart, the way it felt twice as heavy and existent.

"Dem," Axel said seriously to calm him.

"I got to go." Demyx turned around and headed back for the locker room.

"Rox, stay with him." Axel said to Roxas, pointing at me as he ran after Demyx.

"Ahem." Roxas cleared his throat as the two of us just stood there. Tired of the awkward silence, I started walking the track and Roxas followed.

"You ok?" Roxas asked and I shrugged.

"Tired." I sighed.

"Yeah, I can see why. Look, I'm sure that there's something else bothering Demyx, and it must bad if he's letting it get in the way of how he feels for you. I know he loves you." Roxas stopped walking and out there on the track in front of the entire P.E class, he took my hands in his. "When you were in the hospital, he cried his eyes out for you. When you were hurting, he hurt too. And the day you smiled, he smiled bigger than ever. You should have been in the car with him the day you first talked. He wouldn't shut up about how proud he was. How proud he is. Just give him some time, ok?"

"Kay." I nodded. I needed to hear that.

"Right now, you both need time. You both need healing, for different things. So just focus on yourself, and then you'll be ready for each other." Roxas smiled and let go of my hands. He made sense, so I nodded again.

Axel and Demyx never came back out so when the bell rang that class was over, Roxas and I went back to the locker room, changed, and then met at the usual table where we eat lunch.

"Hello." Roxas greeted Demyx and Axel with a smile. Axel and Demyx were already there and they were sitting quietly at our usual table under a tree.

"Hey." Axel smiled back cheerfully.

"Hey Dem." Roxas said, probably just trying to get him to say anything.

"Hey." Demyx tried to smile back.

Roxas nudged me, so I cleared my throat.

"Hi Axe." I said shakily and Axel smiled, knowing what was going on.

"Hello there Zexion." He nodded at me as to silently encourage me to go on and as my heart raced, I opened my mouth once again.

"He-hey Demyx." My voice cracked in nerves and Demyx looked at the table as he muttered.

"Hey." He didn't even move or look at me, and the feeling of being invisible to him was too much. Why? My whole life I was invisible to my mom; I was invisible to my aunt and uncle unless they needed a punching bag; and I've been invisible to everyone at school except these three. I can't afford to lose any one of them, especially the one who means so damn much to me. Why? Why did he have to be the one to make me feel so loved, and now is the one making me feel so fucking alone?

I shook my head before I slammed my angry palms on the table as I stood up and turned around.

"Zex!" Axel called, but I already started walking away.

"Hey, whoa, stop!" Roxas took my arm and faced me. "What's wrong?" He asked the dumb, obvious question as I put my hand on my chest.

"Doesn't want." I whispered. If my best friend doesn't want me, then who would?

"Zexion, that's not true!" Roxas put his hands on my shoulders.

"What isn't true?" Axel asked.

"He's…he's saying that De-Demyx doesn't want him." Roxas gulped and I didn't bother to turn around. I didn't want to see Demyx's reaction; didn't want to see him nod, or smile. Oh god. I can't do this anymore.

"Zexion that's not true." Axel got up and stood behind me, placing a hand on my shoulder after Roxas took his off.

"D-doesn't want." I repeated slowly.

"He does want you Zex, but it's not about what he wants. It's about what he needs. Right now, he needs healing."

"Me too!" I said angrily.

"Exactly, which is why you two both need space so you can each heal."

I shook my head, frustrated. Then, in my desperation, I turned to my side, looked Demyx in the eye, and pointed to him. "Medicine."

Demyx's eyes widened and he gulped. I know I put him in an awkward place, but being honest is part of my healing.

I could tell that my words were the cause of the heavy silence that followed. Roxas looked to Axel as if he didn't know what to say, and Axel was quiet, which is a rarity.

Just when I was about to give up again and leave, I heard Demyx get up. He walked over to me and shoved his hands in his pockets.

"How can I be the medicine for you if I can't even be the medicine for myself?" he asked, his eyes hopeless and his voice unsure.

I shook my head. "Medicine." I put my hand on his chest. Then I took another risky move, tugged one of his hands out of his jean pockets, and put it on my chest. "Medicine."

I kept my eyes steadily on Demyx's eyes, but his were wavering and shaking even as he tried to maintain eye contact.

I could hear Roxas breathing heavily and I could feel Axel shift his stance.

"I'm sorry. I can't be your medicine. I can't be anyone's medicine. Not even my own." Demyx let his hand slide down and off my chest before he turned around and went back to our lunch table, grabbed his backpack, and walked away.

"Stay together." Axel told Roxas and me as he went after Demyx.

"It's ok Zex, it's going to be fine." Roxas tried to reassure me and I appreciated his efforts, so I nodded.

Axel and Demyx once again never came back, so when the bell rang to go to class, Roxas and I did.

"Do you have to go back with Aerith right now?" Roxas asked when he and I got out of our last class and I nodded. "Ok, let's go." he walked me back to Aerith's office and stayed with me while we waited for Aerith to finish.

"Hey guys." Axel walked in and joined us.

"Dem?" I asked and Axel shrugged.

"He went home." Axel said quietly and I nodded.

"You ready?" Aerith asked and we all stood up.

"We'll see you tomorrow Zex." Axel hugged me before Roxas did as Aerith unlocked her car.

"Are you ok?" Aerith asked as we drove off and I sighed.

"Dem."

"I see. He came into my office after lunch today. He feels bad, but he doesn't know how to express it."

"Re-really?" I wish Demyx would tell me this, but at least Aerith is trying to help me understand.

"He wanted me to talk to you about it for him. I would usually decline for his own good, but he confided in me some information that can explain his hesitation and struggles." Aerith explained as we got on the freeway.

"Demy...ok?" I asked, worried by the way that Aerith talked about Demyx.

"He really is going through a lot right now, and he wants you to understand that he needs you to be patient with him. He knows right now he is saying that you need to heal, but he feels that deep down inside, he is the one who needs the healing. He said that he's so thankful that you want to be there for him, but he said that he feels uncomfortable burdening you with his problems." Aerith said as we got closer to her house.

It made sense, but I didn't care. Demyx isn't a burden, but him ignoring me is. It's like he's trying to avoid hurting me one way but he's hurting me even more in a different way.

"It's still hard for him to hear how you feel when your communication is limited. He knows that you're trying, and he appreciates that. He just wants to focus on some of the things that he's struggling with while you continue to work on your communication, and he's hoping that there will be a time and place in the future where you both can look back and discuss this." Aerith parked and I tried to take it all in.

"Miss him." I said and Aerith nodded.

"He misses you too. He just wants you to be patient for him the way that he was patient for you." Aerith said and I saw her point.

"Patient for Demy." I nodded and she smiled.

"I'm sure he'd love to hear that." She patted my back and walked to the kitchen to prepare dinner.

"Aerith. Bed?" I asked after I finished eating and all my homework.

"Alright Zexion. Get some rest." She waved goodnight as I left for bed.

I climbed in my blankets, wishing that I had Demyx's arms. His body is thin, but strong. Thanks to his swimming, he's lean, but muscular. His biceps spell protection and his chest feels like safety, and at the same time, they provide comfort and love. I miss the way he hugs me like he won't let go. I miss the way that his fingers would comb my hair slowly, sending those delicate shivers up and down my spine with a tingling excitement. I miss the way he smiles at me like pain doesn't exist. I miss having him there to cheer me up. I miss having him as support, as….as a friend. If my own friend didn't want me, who would?

Why him? Why does he have to be hurting? How could life be so cruel as to hurt him? And why do I have to hurt with him? I wish that I could be there for him, but Aerith and Roxas are right. I need to heal myself first.

It's just so hard to heal from this kind of stuff. I mean, the cutting hasn't been as hard now that I'm not living with my aunt, but now I feel like all this drama could lead me right back to it. I want pot so bad, and fuck I want some ecstasy, but there is no way that I can get my hands on that shit.

I've started thinking about sneaking out at night, but if Aerith finds out, I'm dead. Plus it's hard to hide the smell of pot; as for ecstasy, it's too hard to hide the effects, especially since it lasts for a long time.

Ugh, I need a way to get just one more fix. I know I need to quit, I want to quit, but I can't do it cold turkey.

I tossed and turned in bed, wanting so badly to just get a whiff of something that would help me calm down. Fuck I'd take a cigarette at this point. It was so hard not to give into the temptation and text Sephiroth. The only thing that stopped me was the fact that I had no ability to hide what it was that I wanted to do. Back at my aunts house, I didn't have to hide shit. I could do whatever I want, cause if they called the cops on me, they'd get busted for the drugs they had.

I only tried speed because I found my uncle doing it. The very first time I did ecstasy was by accident, when my aunt decided to hide it in a bottle of regular pain killers. Yea, it looked different, but I had a headache and wasn't thinking. When I realized what it was that I took, I just let it ride. Then, when I realized how amazing it made me feel, I didn't want it to stop. I don't feel an addiction to it like I need to do it, but whenever I'm feeling down, I know it'll make me feel better. That's what's so addicting about it.

Fuck I just want one more roll, one more trip, one more smile that doesn't need a reason, just a pill.

With a loud sigh and my arms on my face, I fell asleep.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note<strong>: I'm sorry I haven't posted in a week. It's been midterms and I can't get myself to write anything concerning love right now. This chapter has too much in common with where I'm at right now, sadly, and I just don't know where I'm going in my own life, much less in this fanfiction. I feel like I'm Zexion, in love with someone who can't give it back, but at least Zexion likes someone who is the same orientation as he is. Loving a best friend is….painful. Well, I'm done being emo, sorry lol. Also, I made a boo-boo. I made the mistake of writing chapter 13 completely while in class and I didn't read chapter 12 to make sure that I had the flow right, and in chapter 12, Aerith mentions the boys having school the next day, which would be chapter 13, which I wrote as a weekend. I am VERY sorry that I made that mistake, it is unacceptable. Thank you to Miuxi Windheart for pointing this out.

To CloudofDarkness'sProtege: Thank you for being here for me, I really appreciate it. I'm glad that this story can resonate with you…means we aren't alone lol. Thank you so much for the lovely complements and the wonderful review, it means a lot to me.

To Casper: Thank you, I am deeply flattered. Hahaha, let me know when you plan to kidnap cupid, I'm in.

To 18plusforme: Thank you for the prayer, I need it. The time factor is definitely making it harder to post, but overall, it's how well I identify with Zexion right now, but I don't even have a chance with someone who isn't in to girls back. Oh well, that's life. Thank you for reviewing!

To Shadowridge: I hope things brighten up for you. Hang in there.

To Cirxe145: Lol, I came up with this story idea a LONG time ago, a couple months before I started posting. But it was completely different. It was supposed to be an akuroku, believe it or not, and it was NOHTING like how this is turning out. It was all in my head though, so I had time to make all the changes, which is what you are currently reading lol. I came up with this stuff while I was sitting in my German class, bored. I'm really glad that you like this story, I know I say it all the time, but I mean it each time. It means so much to hear such positive feedback. Ah! I've had some people say that they've cried because of this story already! I don't try to make anyone cry, but it might get more intense, so yea, make sure to have some tissues lol.

To ForeverUke: hahaha, can't wait lol. Thanks, I try. I don't want to disappoint lol. I love the way you read lmao :P

To Miuxi Windheart: YAY you made it! Lol, thank you SO much for that review. I loved it. Hahaha, I'm glad that I can evoke the hate/love relationship between you and the wait. I feel like it's an accomplishment lol. I still feel bad for making you all wait a week for one chapter, but I tried to make this one longer to make up for it! Yeah, right now, college is getting really intense, and my social life has been struggling. Yay life lol. Awww, I'm sorry for making you cry! But I'm glad that you can connect with my story, and I hope that it helps you cope as it is helping me, more than I had planned, more than I'd like ;P Lol, consider that a good thing. I've had a bad history with the 4 relationships I've been in. 1st guy sexually invaded me. 2nd guy cheated on me with 3 girls before I found out and dumped him. 3rd guy was my bff and was so emo, that neither of us could handle it. And then now, with my bff who asked me out then changed her mind cause she isn't really capable of liking a girl that way. So as of now, I'm pretty fed up with the very concept of love. Awwwww, thank you! I could really use a hug right now . Ugh. I'm glad that you no longer detest yaoi lol. Since I don't believe that a guy can like a girl for more than just sex, and since I had a bad first experience trying to love another girl (more like trying to be loved back), I feel like yaoi is the only real love out there. Hahaha, awww, sure, I'd love to have a new friend. I'm already getting ready to say goodbye to my bff/ex, so I could really use one lol. YES! You spotted an error in my story and I must apologize for that. I wrote chapter 13 randomly, it was never in my original outline. So when I added it, I totally spaced and forgot to factor that in. I am extremely sorry. That kind of error is laziness and inexcusable. About your deviant art, I'd be HONORED! If you give me a link, I'll put it on my profile page with your name for credit. I'd be extremely thankful! I keep looking for someone to illustrate my stories, and I get a lot of offers, but in the end, no one has followed through. Makes me sad when no one follows through lol. I can look at your story right now (I actually have a small bit of free time for once lol). Would you like me to send you edits as a beta? Or were you hoping to extend it and aren't sure of where to go next? Just trying to understand exactly what it is that you are requesting of me lol. Can't wait to hear back!

To kindofbadger: lol yeah, it's actually very annoying to look at this story right now, for me at least. I read it and I'm mad at Zexion for at least having Demyx there waiting for him. But in the end, I write because I cannot have, so it's all the same. Thank you for listening! Hahaha, yeah, about Demyx "teasing" Zexion…a bit of my own personal life snuck its way into the story. The hot'cold vibes are hell. But now I'm getting just cold vibes, and that's not much better. Just hang in there, since I have control of this story, I won't make it as pointless as my personal love life.

To RoxasVentusHikari: I can't wait for things to get better either lol. But you've read a lot of my works (which I am uber thankful for ^_^ ) so you know that I'm nowhere near done with this ;) I want to thank you for understanding how hard it is for me to update because of college and my personal struggles. I really appreciate it! Of course! I want my reviewers to know how much I appreciate them. Honestly, if I didn't have people reviewing, I'd probably give up. I wouldn't be here without you ^_^

To destructivedoll: Thank you for answering my question, I just wanted to know for future references as I continue to write ^_^ Ugh, overly cliché love stories bother me. Life doesn't work that way. And I get mad at story-lines that act that way. Sometimes it's nice, when you just need a quick one-shot pick-me-up, but in the end, (for me personally) I want to be reminded that I'm not alone in my personal struggles. It's awful. I….I miss her so damn much. I can't even talk to her anymore without thinking about how we used to be friends, because this whole thing has obviously affected me. But I walked into it all willingly, so in the end, I take responsibility for what is mine to take. Thank you though, for your concern and understanding.

To emerald7: Hahaha, awwww, I'm glad that you are addicted! To this story lol. You laughed and then cried? I feel sorry, but happy as a writer, but still sorry! We tried talking about it, and I realized that she just doesn't understand where I'm coming from. I just can't handle that, not now. I feel like I'm pulling a Demyx as Zexion: Requesting space because I'm in love with someone even though I'm currently so hurt by what my love for them has caused me. In the end, it's all a learning experience. I understand. My close friend who I miss and care for dearly has been out of contact for a while and I am truly concerned for his safety. I'd do anything to help him. Thank you for waiting faithfully, I appreciate it.

To Otwamewliart: Yea! Ugh, it's awful! I want my Zexybaby, but she doesn't love me like that and I couldn't ask her to do anything she doesn't want to do. I love her too much to tell her how hurt and broken I am, but at the same time, I'm too hurt to talk to her. As of right now, I don't know how long I'll need to adjust. I hate when people get all dramatic over relationships. But I'm not mad about her dumping me. I'm mad that I'm losing my one and only bff and her not realizing how upset I am about it. In the end, it's my fault for saying yes when she asked me out. So it's up to me to move on. Thank you for understanding. Haha, thanks for the valentine day offer, I appreciate it. Aww, good to know, and I wouldn't ever think that you abandoned me, or Zemyx lol. I hope so too my dear.

To camcamgorawraw: I swear your name is so much work to type lol. Awww, thank you SO much! I really appreciate hearing that complement about the strength of writing. You are too sweet. Sadly, that was part of the plot before it became relatable in my lfie, but now, it just seems so real to me, so it made sense to keep it. Thanks again.

I just wanted to thank you all for reading and for being patient with me.

**~Heart Sarabellum, aka Dem-Dem, aka Sora!**


	15. Only Chance of Healing

I woke up repeatedly in the night, just trying to figure out what I was going to do next concerning Demyx. Yeah, I'm hurt, but if I declare war now, it'll never end. I flipped open my cell phone, scrolling down to Sephiroth's number. I had my finger over the call button, knowing I wouldn't dare call him, but at the same time, I wanted to. I was so lost. I wanted my fix, I wanted to feel like I wasn't so alone or so hated. That's what I hat about living with Aerith; it provided a false feeling of all that shit. I feel like I wasn't alone, because I'm always stuck with her or someone at school, but really I'm more alone than ever. I got out of bed and tip toed my way to the bathroom, closing the door ever so slightly. I didn't even bother to turn on the light; there was no need for an action that I've done so many times. Once my eyes adjusted to the silhouettes of the objects around me, I carefully reached inside the shower for my razor. At first Aerith denied its presence but after I told her how I shaved my legs, she agreed under certain circumstances. I'm sure she won't notice if one of the blades goes missing.

My heart beat increased as I held the razor in my hand, and I had to work to control my breathing. When I cut, I have to remind myself why. Most people cut to forget about the pain, but I cut to show myself that it doesn't mean shit. All I had to do was think about those mean words Demyx said, about how he suddenly changed his mind on me, about how he doesn't want to be with me.

With a quick snap I popped one of the blades out. I remained deathly still for the next couple minutes, avoiding any movement so that I wouldn't be heard from her room down the hall.

When I was sure that I was still undetected, I slowly crept back into my bedroom and in my bed. I knew that as badly as I wanted to cut, I couldn't do it at Aerith's house. If just a drop was left behind and caught, I'd be gone for good. Instead, I hide the blade in a pack of gum inside my backpack, next to some gauze tape I stole from the hospital, anxiously awaiting the next day to begin so that I could go to the bathroom and sneak some peace back into my life.

When that moment came, in math, I excused myself to the bathroom with my packet of gum and a roll of gauze tape in my pocket and hid in the biggest stall. Already I could feel the rush of adrenaline that awaited my promising actions. I swallowed hard as I pulled the pack of gum out of my pocket, my fingers trembling as I let the razor slide out onto my palm.

No. I must be calm. I inhaled deeply and exhaled through closed eyes. Control. I was about to roll up my sleeve when I paused. If I cut my arm, it'll be too obvious. Aerith will check and see it and it'll all just get that much more complicated.

With that thought in mind, I undid my studded belt and let my pants fall to my knees. I pulled up my boxers on one side, revealing my thigh as I once again started to quiver.

Why? I've never had a problem cutting before. Usually I just allow myself to be engulfed by the emotions and slice away, but this time…I was ….hesitating.

I gulped as I forced myself to think bad thoughts about Demyx. I didn't want to. I didn't want to hate him. But at the same time, I can't afford to love him. If he can't love me, why should I waste my time and effort and love him myself? No, I have to force myself to hate him, because it's the only way to end this pain of loving someone I can't have.

I started with the small observable truths:

Demyx said he can't love me right now, he cries a lot and he's hurting.

Eventually, I worked my way up to the lies. This is the part that I hate the most, because I'm so damn good at it:

Demyx hates me. He cries and it's all my fault. If I weren't alive, he wouldn't be crying. Yet at the same time, If I didn't try to kill myself, he wouldn't be hurting. HE wants me gone. He practically said so. He's just too nice to say it outright. But, he's the one who messed with my heart. He's so insensitive and mean to mess with my heart like that! Can't he see that I'm hurting? I don't need his bullshit on top of it all! Why is he doing this to me? Why does he hate me? He hates me.

Slowly the blade pierced the top layer, and once the blade poked my skin, I let it slide deliciously across the pale canvas. The tingling of the cold blade sent shivers up my body as I felt my body react harshly. I quaked at my own actions, disgusted with myself.

I gave in. I failed. And at the same time, I allowed myself to think such horrible thoughts about the only one who was ever there for me after my grandma passed.

Once that reality set in, I started crying. I truly am a monster. If I wasn't before, I most definitely am now. How could I give up on all that Aerith, Demyx, Axel, Roxas, and even Leon worked hard to protect? My safety. I failed and let it all go to waste with just that one cut.

Fuck it. Fuck them. Fuck it all.

I started cutting again, and again, and when I had the fifth line of blood oozing out of my carved skin, I started crying harder. I bit my own wrist to muffle my cries as I felt so incredibly pathetic.

I cut. I'm a cutter. I'm a fucking failure.

What would Demyx say?

Dear God, I probably would kill him if he could see me now. The sight of me giving into weakness would probably be too much for him.

I bundled up some toilet paper and pressed it to my thigh, doing my best to clean up any evidence.

I quickly put my blade back, wrapped strands of the gauze tape around my thigh, and went back to class.

I made sure to keep my hood on, and I did an overall decent job at hiding any signs of tears. For each class for the rest of the day, I went to the bathroom to clean up my thigh. I'm sure that Demyx and Axel got suspicious, but in the end I didn't care.

"Weak bladder eh Zex?" Axel asked when I showed up to lunch.

"Yep." I sighed as I sat down carefully next to Roxas. I had to work hard not to irritate my cuts so that I wouldn't bleed through my pants.

"You ok?" Roxas asked and I nodded, placing my arms on the table and my face on my arms. I was tired.

"Yep." I mumbled again.

"Hey Demyx." Axel smiled when Demyx sat next to him.

"Hey Axe. Hi Roxas. Zexion." Demyx said to me, and for some reason, I only felt more depressed.

"Zexion, what's wrong?" Roxas probably got nervous since Demyx was there and I didn't even bother to show my face, so I shrugged. The rest of lunch, I stayed quiet. I listened to Axel and Roxas plan their next movie date with some minor opinions from Demyx. When the bell rang, I felt saved by the idea of class.

"Come on, let's go." Roxas playfully slapped my thigh as he stood up.

"Ow!" I cringed and the three all stared at me like I was crazy.

"You…you ok?" Axel asked, clearly in disbelief of my lies.

"Yea." I grunted as I stood up and walked with him to class.

When I went home with Aerith, I was able to hide the discomfort. I'm pretty well trained in it, considering the years of cutting that went unnoticed by everyone. Then again, I never really had anyone to hide it from.

I was so tired that night as I laid in bed. My thigh hurt, and the cuts were no doubt going to leave scars. But I still wanted pot. I wanted some kind of reassurance that I could still feel positive emotions. I wanted ecstasy. I wanted to feel good.

Is that so much to ask for? I just wanted to feel good. I just want to feel loved.

I sniffled into my pillow as I thought about my Demyx.

"S-sorry Demy." I whispered to myself in the lonely darkness of my room that night. "Sorry." I cried harder as I squeezed the shit out of my pillow. I can't believe that I allowed myself to think such horrid thoughts of him.

He's the only chance at healing that I have. I don't hate him. I never could. He's the motivation I have for smiling, for talking, for having a shot at a normal life. I love him. I love him with all that I have.

I know he loves me. He was there for me in the hospital for every step. In the end, the least I can do is give him the space he needs.

I'll be waiting for my Demyx, cause in the end, I've worked so hard to get this far. I can't give up on him. Cuase I know that I'd die if he completely gave up on me.

"Love Demy." I whispered once again to myself before I drifted off to sleep.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note<strong>: **I still feel bad that I haven't been updating as often as I'd like. School is just getting ridiculous, even more so, and it is literally consuming my life. Still feeling like shit when it comes to my recent ex, but we aren't talking, so I guess it's only a matter of time until I'll be ready to put it all behind me. Then of course comes the feeling of loneliness. Funny, how when I started this story, life was relatively great. Now, I'm getting my own taste of loneliness…I should stop writing such sad shit lol.**

I know that this chapter was pretty depressing, but it did end on a somewhat more positive note. Please don't lose hope for Zexion, or for me!

**ANYWAY, just wanted to let you ALL know that I just finished a lemon for this story….so hopefully that's something to look forward to ;)**

Congrats to KidaKama for winning the 100th review contest, I am working on your Akuriku right now! Also, I plan on having a **special prize for whoever is the 200th reviewer, so keep an eye open!**

To Shadowridge: Oh Hetalia, I've seen some of that before. PASTA! Lol. I don't dance, but thank you for trying lol.

To CloudofDarkness'sProtege: OMG I love you too! Yes, I wish midterms weren't so hard, and now I'm back to have a shit ton of homework, so it never really ends. Aww, thank you. I shall be here for you too. We'll see, my story has a BUNCH of twists and turns coming up ahead ;) thank you! *hugs back*

To AoiZora: Lol, don't feel like you're 'bad' for siding with Zexion. I can also relate to feeling anxious, and just wanting what you want, but in the end, nothing is as simple as that. Thank you, I really appreciate hearing that you enjoy reading this, and thank you again! I shall be like Zexion…wait, not like the Zexion in this chapter, but in general, by pushing forward! Lol. Hope to hear from you soon!

To BB: Ah! Don't slap Demy! Lol I can't blame you, technically it is my fault lol. Awww! I sorry I made Zexion make you cry! I understand, because that just happened to me, except, my ex has no intentions of getting back with me, so It's over for good. Yay life :P I'm really sorry for bringing out any painful memories. I'm actually going through a lot in this current hour. It's not fun, but you are not alone =) Awww, thank you! I do try to bring out emotion, so I am glad that it worked! Thank you for reading, and for reviewing!

To Kindofabadger: ….Are you still worried about Zexion? Lol. Yea, coping methods are really surviving methods, and when you take away the main source of accountability and friendship, the rest falls with it. I seriously had NO idea that when I wrote this, that I'd be experiencing it soon after. I wrote chapter 14 a little while ago, so now that I'm there…I blame myself for putting Zexion through it lol. Oh well. Thanks. I'm still struggling. If it were just an ex, I could live. But for it be my bff of 6 years, that's harder to deal with losing, especially since we aren't talking at all, and even now, I'm not sure I want to anymore. haha, oh, I've given up on love years ago. I actually thought my bff/ex would somehow help restore the concept, but if anything, its reassured my idea that love is not only nonexistent, but that its impossible. I'm sorry if this sounds emo, it's just my realistic opinion. Which I do find ironic, considering that love is really all that I write about lol. Aww, thank you! I am trying to focus on school, which is focusing on me lol, and I'm going to stick with Zexion as my coping buddy lol. Thank you for your kind words of encouragement =) *hugs!*

To CatlinP1997: Thanks. I do feel like (for the relationship aspect) I can really relate to this, except I was dumped because the person changed orientations on me. Either way, life does move on, and we are responsible for our own healing. But having support really can help. Thank you for reading and reviewing.

To AkixYusei: No need to apologize! I haven't posted in a while, but that is something to apologize for! (I'm sorry!) lol. Awww, well I hope that this chapter wasn't too rough for you. It will get better. Life has its downs, but what is down without up? =)

To 18plusforme: Thank you! I'm trying not to let my personal life affect the story, however its my academic life that you should be worried about lol. Yea, I understand, and I cant give anything away, but I do urge you to keep hope, for Zexion, and for yourself!

To KidaKama: No worries, I'm thankful to see your reviews when I do! I understand about being busy. Not much fun lol. Akuriku? I already started it for you! Aww, thank you! I'd like to thank my ADHD and my boring classes for the "creativity" lol. Also, 2 things: 1) the story will be MUCH longer than just a oneshot, but there will be lemony-goodness (if you want, I can leave it lemon-free if you prefer it that way). And 2) You can be honest: how do you feel about twincest? Yes, I'm referring to Soruku (SoraXRoxas). Either way is cool, I just wanted to know. Thank you! Since it will be a longer story than I originally intended, it might take a little while before I have it out. Hope this is ok. Thanks!

To Mixui Windheart: Lol, yea, this chapter, WAY too realistic. Well not the one about cutting, thankfully lol. But the one before, chapter 14 lol. I sent you a message over , so you should be able to find my response via that. YES! I would love a link! Thank you! Thanks, I hope things get better, or at least that I can move on and find someone else who can help me cope lol. Lol, I can pay by posting chapters, lmao! Umm, no I don't like My little pony….I am in college….sooo…yeaaaa lol. Awww, thank you! I really appreciate that! I love you all as well! Thank you for the poem by the way! Beautiful!

To RoxasVentusHikari: Awww, I wish I could post more often! I just have a month left of these suicidal classes, then I'll have a life again, I swear lol. Aww, I hope you get better soon! I hope that my stories can be some kind of medicine ^_^ I agree, that they should help each other, and I know that this last chapter was rough, but don't lose hope! And again, I agree, that only Demyx can be what helps Zexion. Thank you Roxas, I appreciate your reviews more than you know =)

To Cirxe145: Yea, I felt like there weren't enough Zemyx's out there, and the characters worked really well. ….O.o….i hope that this chapter wasn't too painful for you! Ah, I know the opposite. I had a friend, not anymore, who cut herself over a guy, but she was being so dramatic about it. I hate comparing pain, but her reasons were just…so overly dramatic, it was annoying. They hardly dated, but she slept with him. I just didn't get it. And then she advertised it for attention. Anyway, I do understand the danger behind it. Poor Zexion, but this chapter did end with him realizing it was wrong, so that's a start! Thank you! I appreciate your encouragement ^_^ I hope you are doing wonderful!

To Alice: I. Shall. Continue! I am doing my best to write as often as I can, and to post as often as I can. Right now is just a very bad time. Classes are ridiculously busy and hard, and this story is getting a lot more relatable than I ever could have imagined for myself, so it's a bit hard to work on. I am not giving up in any way though, so please don't panic! I shall post as often as I can! Oh yea, the hospital scenes took me a while to write, cause I kept adding stuff that wasn't originally there. But I'm glad that you liked them, and that they were emotionally stirring. And YAY for fangirling! Lol.

**Thank you everyone for reading, and especially to those reviewing.**

**I just wanted to thank you all for the support and online hugs! *hugs back*! You are all currently making up for the bff I no longer have. Thank you. You have no idea how much it means.**

**Sorry for the short chapter! Until next time, please don't give up on Zexion.**

**Heart, Sarabellum.**


	16. Resonating Goals

I woke up the next morning feeling like shit. I still couldn't believe that I let myself fall that low, but as I fell asleep alone and cold last night, I realized that it's not even worth it. My leg still hurts, and all it really is, is adding pain on top of pain. It doesn't erase my old pain; it doesn't make it disappear. All it does it create physical scars of an emotional hurt.

Besides that minor sudden realization, that next day started the same as the past few have. I woke up, got ready for school, drove with Aerith, and tried my best to fall asleep in her office while I waited for classes to start. I never get much sleep, but I still leave a small pillow and blanket in her office so I can at least be comfortable. It was hard to be in the same room as Aerith, knowing that I had given in to my old habits. But I learned my lesson, it just wasn't worth it. My cuts reopened in the shower, which hurt. I also had to clean up all the blood that leaked. I just wanted to feel better, which got me thinking. Maybe, instead of living trying to find things that make me happy right then and there, maybe I should live for a goal. That was the plan. My goal? To live, waiting for the day when Demyx and I can be together. When that day happens, I'll come up with another goal. But for now, I just had to make it to the day when Demyx can tell me that he loves me.

I had just gotten my body to relax with my face on the table when I heard Aerith's office door open.

Since Aerith was in her office with me, I looked up from my pillow, curious to see who would be there so early in the goddamn morning. I thought I was dreaming because a beautifully sorrowful angle walked in. Demyx was wearing dark blue skinny jeans and his baby blue sweater. His eyes looked restless, but his face was still so delicate.

"Can, can I speak with Zexion?" The angle spoke.

Aerith looked at me and I nodded in my stupor. The angel closed the door and sat in a chair next to me.

"About the other day, I'm sorry." Demyx said and I nodded. "I, I'm going through a lot right now. Please, be patient with me?"

I nodded quickly and he gave me a weak smile.

"Thank you Zexion. You're a great friend."

I smiled back. "Demy, best friend." I said and Demyx smiled wider. That's all I needed. His smile. It's like I said, it's my medicine. I wanted to memorize that smile in my mind. I just want him happy.

Aerith answered a phone call and when she hung up a brief moment later, she stood up.

"I need to speak with the principal. Demyx, can you stay here with Zexion while I'm gone? I'll try and make it quick."

"Sure. Tell Mr. Ansem that I say hi!" Demyx and I sat silently.

I didn't know what to say. I want him to be my boyfriend, not my baby sitter.

"D-De-Demy ok?" I asked nervously and he shrugged.

"I'm going through a bumpy road, but it won't last forever." He gave a half smile.

"Here forever." I pointed to myself and he chuckled.

"I hope so." Demyx leaned over, brushed my bangs behind my ear, and gently let his soft lips press against my chilled forehead. I gulped.

Damn. He's kissed me many times before, but every time feels like the first. It had been so long, too. I had forgotten their warmth; I had forgotten their healing abilities. I wanted his lips on mine. I wanted more. I want to get high off of love and shoot up with intimacy.

"P-p-please?" I begged in a cracked whisper, my desperate eyes looking up into his unsure pair.

"Not now Zex. Just, be patient, please?" He asked again and I whimpered.

I needed some kind of adrenaline fix. Kissing can't replace drugs, but I bet sex can come close, and I can't get there without kissing him.

"Soon?" I asked and he shrugged.

"I don't know. You can't seriously be timing me on this, are you?" He asked hurt and I looked away.

"Timed me." I said and he scoffed.

"Excuse me?"

"Must talk!" I shouted as I pointed to myself, referring to how he and every other goddamn person made me talk and guilted me out of silence, giving me no choice to do it my way at my pace.

"Only because you were silent for forever!" Demyx yelled back.

"Talk now." I muttered, folding my stubborn arms.

"Well we gave you time. I don't see why you can't give me a fraction of that time."

"Trying. Hurt." I said but he rolled his eyes.

"I'm hurt too Zex. You have no idea what it's like to walk in on a body and feel responsible! You have no idea what it's like to see someone you love and think that they're dead! You have no idea what it's like to watch the person you love most get loaded up into an ambulance, thinking that you'll never get to say you're sorry." His eyes watered as his voice faltered and I would have felt sad, if I didn't feel so angry.

"I know." I said calmly, my anger actually relaxing me into a suspicious calm.

"No you don't! I," He yelled but I interrupted, my anger now fully unleashing.

"Yes! I! Do!" I screamed and he gasped before he panted, probably in fear of my sudden outrage. We both just sat there silently looking into each other's empty eyes. "My dad!" I cried and he rushed a hand to his mouth.

"Z-Zexion, I," Demyx began, but was interrupted.

"Zexion?" Aerith ran in and I looked away. "What's going on?" She asked at the sight of both of us crying lightly.

None of us said a word, so Aerith pulled up a chair in front of Demyx and me and put one hand on his knee and one on mine.

"Shh, it's ok." Aerith comforted each of us as Demyx got the last of his sniffles out. "You want to tell me what's wrong?" She asked and Demyx shifted in his chair.

"I'm tired of hurting him." Demyx wrapped his arms around himself while I stared at him in the most bewildered face that one could have. What the fuck? I mean, yeah it hurt that he couldn't tell me that he loves me….but still!

"Zexion?" Aerith started mediating while I thought of anything that I could possibly say to that.

"Just want hug." I tried to smile at Demyx, but he wouldn't look at me.

"Demyx? How do you feel about that?" Aerith asked and Demyx shook his head, confusing me even more.

"He already has a lot that he's working on right now. He doesn't need me making it harder."

"Not harder." I said without waiting for Aerith to intervene.

"I can tell that you're frustrated that I can't kiss you and hold you right now. And I don't blame you. But at the same time you don't understand how hard this is for me too Zex." His lower lip puckered out and I wanted so badly to make him smile.

Why? Why did I have to try to kill myself? I didn't realize that it would have such an impact on Demyx. I know it sounds stupid. It's the most cliché thing that people say, 'don't do it cause you'll hurt someone who loves you'….but I didn't realize that my one decision would cause this beautiful angel to go from the most positive person I know with the most gorgeous smiles….to the most sorrowful person I know with such heavy tears.

"Zexion? I can see that you're thinking about something." Aerith leaned forward and I nodded.

"I sorry." I looked into Demyx's eyes before he averted them elsewhere.

"It's ok Zexion." He said, but even after the apology, there was still a tension lingering.

"Want Demy happy." I said and Demyx gave a cute but small, quick smile.

"Thank you Zex." He said and I shook my head.

"Smile, stay." I said, hoping that he heard the begging in my voice.

"I'm trying Zex." He said in a shaky voice and I nodded.

"Want to help." I put my hand on my chest and he nodded.

"Demyx? Is there something that Zexion can do to help?" Aerith asked and Demyx nodded again.

"Hug." He opened his arms and I smiled, stood up, and he did as well. "I'm sorry." He whispered and sniffled as he rested his head on mine. I tried to hold him, but he is considerably taller than I am.

"Me too." I rubbed his back and he sighed when the bell rang, ending the short-lived hug.

"Alright you two, to class." Aerith instructed and Demyx nodded.

"Thank you Zexion." Demyx took my hand and squeezed it. I squeezed back before he let it go and grabbed his backpack.

We walked silently side by side to class, but once we were outside the door, he stopped me.

"I just need a little more time. I swear." He said and I nodded.

"Waiting." I smiled and he smiled as well, which made me smile bigger. Just to see his smile was all I need. I wanted to go back to the days before my grandma died, when he was my drug, my ecstasy.

"I appreciate it." He opened the door for me and we sat down in our seats, ready for another day of classes.

After math and chemistry, I finally got my wish and went to music class, only to be disappointed when I was told that Demyx had been called away to help another music class; the advanced class, to be specific. It didn't surprise me, I mean, he is a brilliant musician from what I've been told. At the same time, when I found out that he wasn't going to be there I felt like my entire day was going to suck.

During P.E, I was called to play basketball while somehow the only three friends I had all got to play baseball. I hate basketball. I'm too short, don't have hand-eye coordination, and I just don't give a fuck. I stood at the edge of the outdoor court while everyone else played, occasionally turning around to see Demyx sprinting after a ball to catch it, or to see Roxas swinging the bat with all he had, or to see the way that Axel pitched the perfect strike.

When P.E was over, we all changed together and went to our table.

"Oreos? Score!" Roxas grinned as he dug into his lunch.

"What, did your mom make it for you?" Axel teased and Roxas stuck his tongue out as a way to confess and make a come-back all at once.

"Hungry?" I asked Demyx since he didn't have any food in front of him.

"Hm? Oh, um, no, I'm ok." Demyx flashed the fakest of smiles, so I handed him my sandwich that Aerith prepared for me last night. "No Zex, that's for you. You need to eat it." Demyx pushed the sandwich back to me, but I shook my head. "I appreciate the offer, but I'm ok." Demyx smiled so I rolled my eyes, took the sandwich, and ripped it in half.

"Eat." I said as I gave one half to him.

"Th-thank you." He smiled and dug in.

"I think coach Lexaeus is right, I should join the baseball team." Axel bragged as he let his hands rest behind his head.

"You are a good pitcher." Demyx admitted.

"It's not till next season, so you have time." Roxas pointed out.

"What do you think Zex?" Axel asked and I nodded.

"Go Axe!" I tried to smile and all three of my friends smiled back.

"Awww, you could be a cheerleader!" Roxas smiled and I hide my blush as the wind blew my bangs back in my face.

"I don't know, he's got to be Demyx's cheerleader for swimming first." Axel grinned and I blushed even deeper. I knew that Demyx was an athletic swimmer, since he talks about it a lot, but his season hasn't started yet, so I've never actually seen him swim.

"You better start practicing." Roxas told me before he looked to Demyx. "Doesn't your season start really soon?"

"Yep, my first meet is a couple weeks away. I've been training on my own though, so I'm not worried." Demyx looked confident and beautiful. I missed his reassuring demeanor. Back before all the hospital drama shit, he was the only calm and peace I knew. God I hope this 'bumpy road' ends soon. When he's sad and scared, it's terrifying for anyone around him. But when he looks so calm and relaxed, it's contagious.

After lunch we all went to our last two classes, and then I went home with Aerith, where I spent the day doing homework and thinking about Demyx. I'm glad that he and I are talking more. I need him in my life. I need his comfort and his smiles. Because I'm just now realizing that I need to be there for him too, to be there for me. When I smile and he smiles back, I get this fluttery feeling in my stomach, like I did something right. A feeling like I just saved someone's life, or made the greatest accomplishment in history. It's a feeling that I can't really explain, but it's there and I only feel it when I cause him to smile. I don't plan on telling him that I cut. Hell, I don't plan on ever telling anyone. But if things continue this way, then I don't think I'll have a need to want to cut again. Maybe he really is the medicine I've needed all along. I mean, deep down inside, I've been believing it all alone, but now it seems like I'm getting proof to support my theory.

The next day, I was anxious to get up and go to school, even if I had to get up an hour earlier than everyone else. I just wanted to see Demyx. He's been my drug, my adrenaline rush. The drugs aren't as big of a problem as I would have guessed, although I still want pot, but that isn't an option.

For now, I have to see Demyx as my drug, I have to have something that I can at least get a small taste of. I don't know if the time away from drugs is making my withdraws worse, or making me one step closer to getting over it all, or if it's both of those things at once. Either way, I just wanted pot. I just wanted to feel good. Things are much better, but I still have this feeling inside me like I need more. Like I need to make up for what I lost. I wish Aerith didn't work at the school; it'd be so much easier to ditch and get high if she wasn't so close by all the time.

That morning, math went by pretty fast cause some guy with pink hair got into a heated debate with Luxord over the differences of Black Jack and Texas Hold 'em. I don't see how the two are related at all, but once that pink haired guy got Luxord started, there was no going back.

"I've been playing longer than you've been alive, Marly." Luxord mocked and Marly leaned forward, palms anxiously slammed on his desk. Is that really his first name? Marly? It goes to show how much of an outcast I am if I only know three names in this entire school.

"It's just a fucking card game!" Marly had started to give up, but that was crossing the line.

"Let it go Marluxia." Axel leaned back in his desk. Ah, Marluxia...still a weird name.

"Get out!" Luxord pointed to the door and Marluxia grabbed his books and left.

"Anyone else want to challenge the arts?" Luxord huffed and Axel raised his hand. "WHAT?" Luxord asked, still a bit worked up.

"If we go gambling and win, do we get extra credit?" Axel asked and half the class snickered.

Luxord sighed, "I cannot and will not give my consent to illegal activities."

"So is that a 'no' for legal reasons, but really a yes? Or is that an all-around no?" Axel asked and I could hear the smirk even as he sat in front of me.

"Do you want to be next?" Luxord asked angrily as he pointed to the door.

"It was just a joke." Axel put his hands up in defense.

"I'm not laughing." Luxord stood tall and proud, his arms thick across his broad chest. Class ended soon after that, where I was thankful that we got to watch a movie in chemistry about chemical imbalances. I love labs, and I love experimenting, but when you have Axel the pyro freak as a partner, you spend more time cleaning and less time learning.

"This is SO boring." Axel leaned over to me half way through the movie. I begged to differ; it was pretty interesting.

"Hey Zex, I'll bet you five bucks that if you yawn really loudly, Vexen won't notice." Axel said and I rolled my eyes. He's been spending way too much time in math with Luxord.

"No gamble." I said and Axel smiled wide.

"So you'll do it for free?"

"No." I chuckled at him and he pouted.

"You're no fun. Where's your sense of adventure?" He whispered during the movie.

I shrugged. "I'm fun."

"No. You're such a smart teacher's pet. You have to live a little, blow shit up, you know, get in trouble." I thought I was too much trouble, but I guess he's referencing a trouble of a different sort.

"Like you're about to be." Axel and I both turned to see Vexen standing behind us with his hands on his hips.

"Hey Vexen." Axel gave a kiss-up grin.

Axel was luckily saved by the bell that called class to an end and my feet to music class.

Right away I grabbed a guitar and walked up to Demyx.

"Help?" I asked as innocently as I could, and he nodded with a small smile.

"Sure. I'll be in the back-room in five minutes. I have to finish helping Namine first." He said and I smiled my thanks. I waited in the back-room for a while, slowly practicing the few chords that I knew.

"Hey." He came in and sat right in front of me.

"Hey." I said quietly in return.

"So, what would you like help with?" He asked formally and I shrugged.

"You?" I asked, holding the guitar out for him.

"Oh, well this is a class for you to learn; I already know how." Demyx smiled sweetly.

"Show me?" I tried to look helpless and cute, and it worked, because Demyx took the guitar that I had extended to him.

"Alright. Let's see," He pondered and then smiled when he started playing. He plucked a string, one by one, then he strummed a couple strings, each producing a beautiful sound that mixed elegantly with each other. At one point I even had to close my eyes as he lullabied me into a calm state with the sounds tingling in my ears and down my spine. I hummed a sigh as I let the music resonate within my body, sending waves of relaxation and pride, knowing that these magical sounds were being birthed by none other than my Demy. Ok, so maybe he isn't necessarily mine now…but soon. It's like he's the hope I'm waiting for to save me. Just when I thought I was about to lose myself in his trance, he slowed his strums to a stop.

"Sing?" I asked hopefully, but he gave the guitar back to me.

"I'll sing. You play."

"Can't play." I frowned, but he handed me the guitar nonetheless.

I placed my hand up on the neck and kept the other where I could strum, but my hair covered my eyes. I shook my head to clear some of the strands from my vision, but I only freed one of my eyes. It was enough for me, but Demyx stood up and dug into his pocket. He pulled out a bobby-pin and combed my bangs to the side of my head and pinned them down. My heart-beat picked up slowly and he smiled.

"Play G." he instructed and I did. I can't strum rhythmically like he can, but I tried.

"Here, like this." He stood up behind me and put his hand over mine, guiding it up and down.

"Now D." He said and I slowly switched chords. "And now E major." He instructed, keeping his hand over mine to help me strum properly. I was getting the hang of when to change to which chords, but having him stand right behind me was intimidating. His hand was warm over mine, his calm breath gracefully and rhythmically met my neck and he smelled wonderful.

I had fought the urge to turn my neck and look at him long enough, and when I gave into the temptation, my hands automatically stopped.

Our eyes met but my fingers turned to jelly as he gulped.

"Z-Zexion?" He asked and I could tell that he was just as nervous as I was.

"Sing?" I asked and he gave me an unsure look before he nodded.

"Start that song again." He said as he returned to his chair facing me. I started playing and just as he opened his mouth to sing, the bell rang. He smiled as he stood up and offered me a hand up.

"Come on, let's go to P.E."

I joined Demyx as we quietly walked to PE before we changed quickly, along with Roxas and Axel.

I knew that I could hold on for him, since he did hold on for me. My only concern were the withdraws. I had no opportunity to lay my hands on any, and even if I magically found some in my locker, which is impossible but a guy can dream, I wouldn't have any time or place to smoke. From the second I get on campus, I'm stuck with Aerith, and when I go to classes, I can't ditch cause I have Axel or Roxas or Demyx in at least one of my classes, and they'd notice if I ditched. And once my last bell rings, I have to go back with Aerith, where I'm stuck under her constant supervision for the rest of the day. My stomach burns and my head aches with the wanting of something I need but can't get.

To be honest, I'm proud that I've made it this far. But I don't know if I can last much longer…

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note<strong>: **Thank you all for being really patient with me. Things aren't getting much better, but I'm really thankful to have my readers, reviewers, and the ability to post when I find the time.** Just want to give a shout-out to ForeverUke, I'm sorry I was late to reply to your message! I hope this chapter helped brighten your day.

To: CloudofDarkness'sProtege: haha, awww, thank you! I love you too! And I try to update as often as I can. *hugs back* Lol, I wish I could burn Homework, that would be awesome! Thank you again! You're complements shall be the end of me hehehe ^_^

To AoiZora: Hmm, I see your point, and I do agree. We change a lot for those we care about, but sometimes it's the old 'original' us that they fell in love with….do I hear foreshadowing as I type this…. I shall shut-up before I give anything too important away hehe. Aww, thank you! I very much appreciate your reviews and the least I can do is acknowledge it by writing back. I will always respond to reviews. Always. If it means taking an extra day to post, I will, because I want my readers to know that I appreciate my reviewers, just as I want my reviewers to know how special their comments make me feel. So thank you!

To Kindofabadger: Yeah, not surprising, but sad. Sounds like life in general lol. Ok I didn't mean for it to sound that emo lol. Do I see a break coming? Or maybe it only looks like I'm cutting him a break? Predictions? Hahaha, no head bashing! That would make the story turn in a whole new direction. Hahaha, well this is a yaoi, so I cant really get them "straight" if you know what I mean. Lmao, sorry for the cheesy joke, couldn't help it. Thank you! I'm glad that you like my writing! You're such a sweet reader!

To Shadowridge: Hmmm, I'm sorry. Maybe the threats, even as jokes, aren't helping?

To 18plusforme: You are perhaps one of the most dedicated readers I've ever had, so you'll probably get a little something anyway hehehe. Things are …things lol. Not much to say about it right now. Yesterday marked the one month since my ex asked me out, so there's that. But I'm staying focused on all my never-ending homework, so I'm usually distracted enough lol. I hope that this chapter is an extra edition to a great day for you! Of course, I hope that as times are hard for me, this story can help anyone else who may be struggling out there! And I do treasure my reviewers, very much! And my readers as well (those that favorite/track) but my reviewers are extra special!

To KidaKama: Ok great! I'll have a lemon, and there will be Sora X Roxas then, which is good because I already started writing them as a pair lol. I just started (had to plan a lot of it in my head first) and progress is slow because of homework, so it may take a little while before I start posting it. I'm sorry for the delay.

To Jet: Yes! Zexy does need some loving! Some good Demyx loving! (who couldn't use that?) lol. Thank you! You're concern for me is really uplifting, and I appreciate it so much. I'm doing all I can to adapt to life without my best friend, which is more difficult that I thought. She was my number one friend. But I'm sure time can heal whatever we allow it to. Hahaha, awww, thank you! You are too kind! I really am so thankful to have gotten a review as sweet as yours. Thank you!

To destructivedoll: I'm glad that you adored it! Yes, we all have our slip-up moments, which is why we all deserve second-chances. Thank you! I'm honored to have gotten such a positive review! I'm glad that you are in love with this story. It does mean a lot to me, since it is so far the most personal story that I have out. Thank you again for such a kind review.

RoxasVentusHikari: Thank you for another review Roxas! Man! That sounds like no fun! I really do wish you a speedy and full recovery! That would suck if someone found the scars, but this chapter ended on a slightly more positive note. Any prediction changes? I can tell you that…..and then Demyx will…..but only because Zexion….which means that Aerith…with Leon…(HUGE SPOILER lol)….Seifer…so Demyx gets….because Roxas and Axel….(SPOILER ALERT) lemon….but that's before Demyx finds….because Zexion had to…..so then Demyx ….I'll stop here. I'M SORRY IF THAT WAS TORTURE! If you really want, I can give you REAL spoilers (nothing that will give ANYTHING specific away, just little teasers really). You're such a sweet fan, I'll give you small hints if you so desire lol. And no, your reviews Never drag on! The more to read, the happier I get lol. So thank you Roxas!

To Cirxe145: It would be awful if Demyx found out about Zexion's cuts, wouldn't it? Haha, yay, I'm glad that you found it suspenseful! Yes, that would have been really bad if he called Sephiroth. Good Zexion…sort of lol.

To AkixYusei: I agree, it isn't healthy. But this story is far from over! I'm sorry I couldn't post sooner!

To CatlinP1997: Yes, this story reminds me of that too. The way I see it: we all have it 'hard', which means that none of us have a right to complain. You have to do what you have to do, so just do it and move on. I know its easier said than done though. Yes! Zexion will fight! He is fighting! Thank you so much for that uplifting review! I encourage you to fight as well! Sarabellum out.

**Just wanted to say thank you again to my reviewers and readers! My reviewers are such a huge encouragement in my life, and I appreciate each and every one very much. I hope that you all have a wonderful day, and that you keep fighting, as Zexion does.**

**Peace and Love,**

**Sarabellum**


	17. Not Until YOU Heal

It's been almost two whole weeks since I've been going to school early with Aerith, going to classes, and occasionally I get to spend time in the library with Axel, Roxas, and Demyx while waiting for Aerith to go home. Demyx and I are talking more, which is great, but he still won't let me tell him that I love him or let me kiss him. And then there are the withdraws. There is absolutely no chance at all for me to ditch class, cut school, or sneak any kind of the substances I craved. It got to the point when even Sephiroth texted me asking if I had died. I texted, "Almost, but not yet." Of course he offered me a special discount, and as stupid as I felt after I sent the text, I turned him down. I thought about Demyx during the entire texting conversation, and that was what saved me. Even though I'm pissed that I can't openly love him, I know that he still cares. That was all it took for me to turn down Sephiroth. It's only a matter of time though. Yea I love Demyx, but I need just one more time. I just want one more pill, one more trip, one more joint. Then, then I'll be done. I told Sephiroth that I wasn't done for good, and was just taking a break.

I don't know how or where I'm going to smoke and shit, but I have time to think about it. I don't want to think about getting caught. What if…what if they do take me away? What would Demyx say? God he'd kill me. The only way to survive all this was by ignoring it and focusing on school.

It was the normal student life that I had always dreamed of having. But at the same time, it wasn't enough to satisfy the cravings I had to return to the drugs. If I wasn't constantly monitored and being threatened to go to rehab, I probably would have given in during my first two days. It's so hard not to let myself slide, but at the same time, I have to stay on track. I can't afford to let anyone else get hurt. Not anymore.

After my last class got out I went straight to the main office to check in with Aerith. We've been going through this process of me going with her to school super early and staying super late for about two weeks now.

"Any plans?" She asked and I shrugged, sitting in a chair in her personal office. I couldn't go anywhere alone, so even if I wanted to go to the library, I had to have someone walk me there. Thankfully, my three friends, Axel, Demyx, and Roxas all walked in within the next few minutes, as they usually did whenever they had the time.

"Hey Aerith." Axel greeted.

"Hello you three." She smiled as she rearranged some folders.

"Can we steal Zexion?" Roxas asked and she looked to me. I nodded that I wanted to go.

"What do you want to do Zexion?" She asked in the 'answer out loud voice'.

"Go." I said and she nodded.

"Where will you be and for how long?" She asked and Axel thought.

"We were thinking library for an hour, then to go watch Dem's swim practice and finish our homework there till he's done. We'll bring him right back after."

I get to see Demyx in swim practice? I grinned to myself. His season had just recently started, so his practices were finally becoming regular.

"Alright. I want to be informed of any changes, understood?" She asked and I nodded.

I followed my friends out the office and to the library.

"Hey Rox, what did you get for number 13?" Axel asked as we started our Literature homework at a circular table in the library. We all weren't in the same class at the same time, but we had the same teacher.

"That the author's use of subtle satire created a double layered tone that could be perceived as capricious or melancholy which is dependent on the readers interpretation." Roxas shrugged lightly as we all stared at him.

"Uh, in English?" Axel asked and Roxas rolled his eyes.

"Sarcasm is funny or annoying." Roxas said extremely slowly and Axel glared at him.

"No kiss for you." Axel continued his death glare.

"But!" Roxas started.

"Sarcasm." Axel grinned and Roxas sighed.

"You can't use it against me if I'm the one teaching you what it is!" Roxas slammed his pen on his notebook as we all laughed; well, I smiled along.

"For number nine, I said that the moral of the story is ambiguous depending on the interpretation that you are inferring the author to imply, but in the end, the underlying theme is the detrimental consequences of a myopic outlook." Demyx read his answer off his paper and Roxas nodded.

"I pretty much said the same."

"What did you say?" Demyx asked me and I looked at my paper. Blank. I hated literature. Too conceptual. I didn't mind read bibliographies or books on science, but this literature shit is awful.

"I have the same as Zexion." Axel crossed his arms, taking pride in his unfinished homework. He's a number nerd like me.

"Let's just move onto math. I have a bunch of questions." Roxas switched notebooks and I sighed a sigh of relief. Finally something worth doing.

"Ok, so for starters, I just want to say that my calculator broke." Roxas said and we all smiled at him.

"Excuses." Axel shook his head.

"I hate math. Too rigid, not enough freedom." Roxas complained.

"I hear you on that." Demyx frowned.

"Can you believe them?" Axel asked me and I shook my head. "Math is simple. Either it's right or it's wrong. There's no gray area to get all lost in translation, interpretation shit." Axel waved his arms around and I nodded. "It's," He started and I finished.

"Perfect." I said, staring at Demyx, who blushed.

"Well I think it's too limiting." Roxas said and we all sighed as we prepared to continue our work.

"I got 87 for number 1." Roxas read aloud. I nodded. "I did it right?" Roxas seemed surprise. I nodded again.

"I love how we don't need a textbook with answers, just Zexion." Axel smiled and I smiled along, bowing my head slowly.

"Ok so what about 2? I said negative 365." Roxas asked and I shook my head. "Dammit!" he cussed and I looked at his paper to spot his error.

"Positive." I said, pointing where he failed to convert signs.

"Of course. It's always something so stupid." Roxas huffed as he corrected his mistake.

"Zex, what did you get for number nine?" Demyx asked and I glanced at my paper.

"Six." I said and they all stared at me like I was crazy.

"How the hell did you get a whole number?" Axel rushed his hands to his head in frustration.

"You're in a library!" Merlin, our librarian reminded us and Axel repeated his question in a harsh whisper.

"Convert." I pointed to his paper, where he failed to convert the measurements correctly.

"I give up." Roxas threw his head back and I looked at his paper. I made dashes by all the ones that needed more work, a total of 5 out of the 20, so that wasn't too bad.

"Let me guess, those are the ones he got right." Demyx let his head crash on the table in defeat.

"Wrong." I pointed to the dashes.

"Really? That's not too bad." Roxas looked more carefully at his work and Demyx brought his head up as well.

"What about mine?" Demyx asked and I marked three as being wrong.

"Might as well." Axel shrugged as he handed me his homework. I looked over it carefully and shook my head. It was perfect. "Fuck yea." Axel grinned with his hands resting behind his head.

"Show off." Roxas rolled his eyes.

"Hey Zexion, I bet I can finish problem 21 before you can do 21-23." Axel raised an eyebrow and I nearly laughed through closed lips. I nodded, taking out a pencil and scratch paper. "Oh, it's on." Axel got his pencil ready and when Roxas whispered "GO", we both started scribbling away.

"This is the most intense nerd-off I've ever seen." Roxas said, sounding rather serious.

"Shh, babe, daddy needs to concentrate." Axel said as he started erasing.

"Did you just call yourself daddy?" Demyx asked, laughing, and Axel sighed as he continued his problem.

Meanwhile, I worked out the first one with relative ease, although the second was proving to be more challenging. I got stuck for a second, not sure if I carried out a critical step. After reviewing my work briefly, I continued on.

"He's on his last one." Roxas announced and Axel scribbled faster.

My head was so full of numbers, variables, equations, and values as I neared the final steps.

"DONE!" Axel shouted as he stood up in triumph.

"Need I remind you again?" Merlin came up to us again, even though the library was nearly empty.

"Sorry!" Axel whispered and sat back down.

"Is it right?" Demyx asked and I finished my problem before I looked over Axels, and nodded. He won.

"Damn, that was close." Roxas said.

"Yeah, but Zexion solved three." Demyx said and I smiled. He sounded…proud…of me. That's all I need to make me feel like the most important person alive.

"Yea and he's also a mini-genius." Axel scoffed.

"How did you do that without a calculator?" Roxas asked in amazement and I shrugged.

"Ok, solve….this!" Roxas pointed to a random problem in our math book and I looked at it before I started working on it.

"How is that possible?" Axel asked as I started doing long configurations in my head.

"That can't be right." Roxas doubted as I implemented an equation to the problem, also in my head.

"I think it is." Demyx scratched his head as I proof checked my work.

"In less than two minutes." Roxas checked his watch.

"Damn you." Axel shook his head and I shrugged.

"Was it easy for you?" Roxas asked me and I winced.

"Yeah." I said, not trying to make them feel bad since they were still trying to figure it out.

"Well, I have swim practice. Let me know if you guys figure the rest out." Demyx stood up and Axel sighed.

"We'll be there when we finish this last problem."

"Bye guys!" Demyx waved and we all waved back.

"I don't want to do this." Roxas rested his cheek on his palm, looking bored.

I shrugged. I could probably do it in a few minutes. Besides, what's the rush?

"We should hurry so Zexion can see Demyx in his speedo longer."

My head perked up and my eyed widened. Speedo?

"Hahaha, well look who's awake now." Axel laughed at me and I blushed with a smile. "You know, the sooner you solve it, the sooner we can leave. Who knows, maybe if you hurry, we can watch him stretch." That was all Axel had to say before I raced against time to finish.

Two minutes later, we were running to the indoor pool.

"Oh good, he's still changing in the locker room." Axel said as we sat down on the bleachers while no one was there. "You know, there is SO much for him to take off." Axel smirked and I blushed.

"Quit teasing him." Roxas shoved on Axel's arm, the tall redhead sitting in the middle.

"Aww, he likes it." Axel nudged me and I rolled my eyes.

"He's coming!" Roxas pointed and Axel whistled loudly, a flirty tune that made Demyx and I both blush.

"Quick, say I love you!" Axel whispered in my ear, and I shook my head. "Zexion says he loves you!" Axel shouted and Demyx's eyes went wide before he blushed and shook his head, looking rather nervous in front of the other swimmers on his team. "Don't worry, he loves you too." Axel tried to cheer me up as I scrunched my knees to my chest. What I'd do for Demyx to tell me. We still aren't supposed to show our love for each other, which is really difficult. It's only been two weeks, but I feel like it's been months. His eyes are just so pure and sweet, and his smile is so sincere, it's gorgeous. But whenever I stare at him in my desiring hunger, he frowns, which reminds me that I'm only hurting him. I can't. I can't let myself hurt him, so I tell myself to stop pushing him away. I do my best to control my feelings, but what makes it so impossible is how hard I worked to be able to feel, and now I had to undo the process. It isn't easy. I know that he's still going through his rough spot, but he says that he's moving along quickly. He even told me that it shouldn't be long till it's all over, and I can tell that he's already acting a little bit like his old self. It's so comforting to see, and I know that it's the reason why I'm not feeling as shitty as I used to, but until he is completely restored, I can't afford to push him away any more.

Demyx had practice for an hour with 5 other guys as Axel, Roxas, and I worked on homework for history with some occasional peeks. Ok, I peeked a lot, but I couldn't help it. His body looked so fluid and smooth as he swam through water like a fish. He's gorgeous; not to mention the fact that he was in a speedo. I don't know how I got so lucky as to get his attention. Doesn't matter now, I just can't let him slip away anymore. Our relationship, well, friendship, is already being tested. We know that we both love each other, but I have to prove to him that I can love myself and him. It isn't easy.

After swim practice, Demyx walked up to us.

"Hey guys." Demyx stood right in front of my wanting eyes with his tall, lean, and soaking wet body in nothing but a speedo that was starting to slip down his slender hips. Did he have any idea what he was doing to me? It was torture at its finest. Pure torture. I couldn't close my mouth, and I could feel myself salivating. I worked hard not to drool or get a nose-blood, staring at his chest and his tummy, some small hairs below his belly button driving me insane as I dreamt of their feeling, along with the taste of his silky skin.

"How was practice?" Axel asked, his question bringing me back into reality before Demyx shrugged.

"Fun. I love being in the water. It's like home." Demyx exhaled loudly with closed eyes.

"You done?" Axel asked and Demyx shook his head.

"I'm staying with Xigbar and Marluxia to work on our dives."

"Dives?" I asked. Even though it's been a couple weeks, I still keep my sentences to a word or two at most.

"He's on the dive team too." Axel said and Demyx smiled.

"I'll only be here for another half hour or so. Is that cool?" Demyx asked and we all nodded as he went back with two of his teammates.

"Oh look, he's getting on the lower level." Axel pointed as Demyx walked on the ground level diving board. He jumped a little on his toes before he did a simple dive.

"Is he going to do that one?" Roxas asked, pointing to the medium board, pretty high up.

"Yeah, he can dive from all of them." Axel said casually and I shook my head. I hate heights.

"What's wrong?" Roxas asked as I started to pant.

"No." I whined. I hate heights, and the idea of jumping off some flimsy board in hopes of landing in a body of water doesn't help. I shifted uneasily on the bleachers.

"You're nervous for him, aren't you? I can tell that you're uncomfortable watching." Axel said as Demyx climbed the ladder to the medium board. I nodded quickly, tugging at Axel's jacket.

"Down." I said and then Axel and I looked back to Demyx, already at the edge of the board.

"Damn!" Roxas exclaimed after Demyx did two flips and made a perfectly clean entrance into the water.

"Done." I said, tugging again at Axel after I sighed and began to worry again.

"Zex, it's ok. He does this every damn day. He's a natural, and he's never messed up before. He's been doing it for years." Axel tried to calm me, but I shook my head.

"Done. P-please." I begged, clasping tighter onto Axel's jacket. I hate heights so much, and watching Demyx climb up the ladder made me so nervous, I was ready to puke.

"You better stop him soon!' Roxas pointed at Demyx, and when Axel and I looked over to him, I froze. He was climbing all the way up to the highest diving board.

"Down!" I pleaded, desperate. I was on the verge of tears. Axel looked at me with a serious face, and then nodded.

"Dem!" He shouted and Demyx saluted us as he neared the tip of the board.

"Down!" I was ready to cry, freaking nervous out of my goddamn mind.

"Demyx get down!" Axel yelled, looking a bit nervous as well.

"Alright!" Demyx hollered just before he jumped up in the air. I took refuge in Axel's body, not wanting to watch. I heard the water splash until Axel spoke. "OH my god! Shit!" Axel freaked out and I panicked. I looked up into his eyes, mine already watering. "He didn't point his toes." Axel smirked as he pointed to Demyx, who was coming out of the pool.

"Ass!" I screamed as I punched Axel in the arm.

"Hahahahaha, oh come on." Axel continued laughing.

"That wasn't funny!" Roxas said and I nodded.

"What's going on?" Demyx asked, smiling since Axel was still laughing.

"Zexion totally freaked while you were diving."

"What?" He looked at me, still smiling, but curious.

"He's like afraid of heights or something. He was about to cry just now." Axel smirked and I hit him in the arm again.

"Axel's just being a dick." Roxas also hit Axel for me, while Axel continued to snicker.

"You ok?" He asked me and I grunted, shaking my head. "Zex, what's wrong?" Demyx asked me and I looked away, embarrassed.

"Scared." I said and he walked closer to me.

"You were scared cause I was diving?" I nodded. "Why?"

"Too high." I pointed and he nodded.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know. Look, I've been doing it for years. Nothing bad is going to happen, ok?" He asked and I continued to look away. "Can you smile?" He asked and I shook my head. I was still pissed at Axel and still freaking out over that damn diving board. "Will a hug make it better?" He asked, arms opened and I nodded. I stood up and walked into his arms, cold and wet.

"Cold." I shivered as he dripping body leaked onto my clothes. Damn his wet body is so fucking sexy.

"Sorry." He smiled and held me tight. I squeezed his back in my hands, just trying to find a grip to cling onto as I felt his smooth slippery skin under my fingertips. He swayed us from side to side, and I took a risk by letting my hands slide down just above his ass.

"Love." I said, looking him in the eye. I know he said that we aren't supposed to say it, but I feel it, and Aerith keeps telling me to say what I feel or else people won't know any better.

Demyx sighed calmly and nodded.

"I know Zex. You know how I feel about you too, but we're both still healing." He said and I crashed my cheek on his chest. I didn't want to see the disappointment on his face. His nipple was dark and dripping and right in front of my face. I wanted so badly to lick it; to bite it and nibble on it. Fuck, it was perk. And his speedo was rubbing right against my crotch. I couldn't hold back, so I delicately pressed my unpuckered lips up against his pink button.

"Zex." Demyx pushed me back and I looked up to him with my best puppy eyes. "We said no." He reminded me and I sniffled.

"Yes." I whined, wanting to change my mind.

"No Zexion." Demyx pushed on my shoulders until his arms were fully extended.

"Love." I squealed again, wanting so badly to hear him tell me that he loved me.

"Zex, stop it. We said not until you heal. This isn't easy for me either, so it'd help if you stop making it so hard." Demyx dropped his hands and put one to his head.

"Sorry." I bowed my head, turning around to leave.

"Zex, I didn't mean it like that," He caught my wrist, but I tugged it free. I didn't want to hear it. Whatever. I don't care anymore. I continued walking. "Zex, wait!" Demyx followed me until I left the large pool room and ran off to a bathroom. I knew that Demyx wouldn't follow me in nothing but a wet speedo.

"Zex, you can't be alone." Axel ran after me and I sped up, running into a bathroom and allowing myself to cry once I sat against the far wall. "Hey, calm down, it's ok." Axel sat next to me and put an arm around me. I let myself lean into it as I started to scratch my arms up my sleeves. I wanted to shoot up. I wanted to smoke. I just wanted a distraction. I didn't care what. God I wanted some kind of substance. I can't do this on my own! I started scratching harder against my flesh, some of my old scars peeling and opening up.

"Zex, stop!" Axel pulled down on my arms but I whimpered as I fought him. "Stop!" He repeated and I continued to scratch and claw wildly. "ZEXION!" Axel snapped me right out of my panic and my panting calmed down. "Stop." He said weakly and when I looked at him, he looked like he was ready to cry. His eyes were filled with water and his lips were swollen already. "Look at yourself." He chocked and I looked down. Shit. My arms were bleeding. I must have opened my scars that I gave myself before the hospital.

"Zexion?" Roxas walked in to see me huddled in his boyfriends arms, my arms dripping a crimson red. "Holy shit!" Roxas gasped.

"Rox, get some paper towels please." Axel said, his voice sounding way too calm.

Roxas nodded and quickly pulled a bunch of paper towels from the dispenser and handed them to Axel.

"Sit up." He whispered and I did, still sniffling and coughing over my tears. He dabbed my arms and it stung a little.

"What happened?" Roxas kneeled in front of me.

"His cuts reopened. Can you go get Aerith?" He asked Roxas and I shook my head. "Zex, she needs to know. What if you need to go back to the hospital?"

"No." I sobbed.

"Zex, you can't hide this." Axel told me before he nodded to Roxas, who left.

"No." I cried harder and Axel rubbed my back.

"Shh, just relax. It's ok." Axel sighed and he sounded and looked really tired. I sniffled a few more times and sighed as well.

"Sorry." I felt guilty for making him worry and babysit me.

"For what?" he asked and I shrugged.

"This." I held up my arms.

"It's ok. You were scratching them, it's not like you were giving into old habits." Axel cheered me up with a weary smile. I felt so guilty. If only he knew about my thigh. I sighed and before we knew it, Roxas was opening the front door as Aerith peered in.

"Zexion?" She asked and Axel stood before he helped me up, walking me over to Aerith.

"He tried to scratch his arms, but it opened some of his old cuts. He didn't do cut though, I was with him the whole time." Axel said and I looked at him to thank him, feeling even worse about how I cut my thigh a week ago.

"Are you ok?" She asked, my eyes red from crying. I nodded. "Why were you crying?" She asked and I looked away.

"Hurts." I said, putting one hand over my heart.

"Alright. Let's go home, ok?" She asked and I nodded. I started to scratch my arms again; they started to itch and tingle.

"Zex, stop it." Axel swatted my hand down and I grumbled.

"Zexion, you need to stop or else it's going to get worse." Aerith said as we all walked to her car.

"Take care of him." Roxas said to Aerith, who nodded after she unlocked her car.

"Get some rest." Axel hugged me goodbye just before I went inside the child locked car. Aerith set it so that I couldn't open the door from the inside, only the outside, which meant that I couldn't get out unless she let me.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Aerith asked me as we started driving. I let my head slump against the window.

"No." I said quietly.

"Demyx told me." Aerith said, with no other context, so I sat up. "He came up to me in soaking clothes just before Roxas got me. He said that he was scared of what you might do, and that he would have followed you if he were in proper attire." She said and I shifted uneasily. So, he was worried for me?

"I know that you're still learning how to express yourself, so I am proud of you for doing that." Aerith looked at me and I nodded. "Demyx does care for you Zexion, and you have to understand that this is challenging for him too. As you heal, you'll change, and probably for the better. He just wants to make sure that any changes that occur are still compatible between you two." Aerith explained and I nodded. It made sense.

"Do you have anything that you'd like to say?" She asked and I held up my arms.

"Stings."

"Alright, I'll call Leon. He's a nurse and a good friend of mine." She smiled and I shook my head. "What's wrong?"

"Hospital." I said and she giggled.

"You aren't going back, don't worry."

"Leon, hospital." I repeated. Yeah, I know that I talk like a two year old, but better than nothing.

"OH, he does work at the hospital that you were at. Does he make you uncomfortable?" She asked with concern and I shrugged before I shook my head. It's a little weird to think that he watched me piss and practically bathed me, but he was just doing his job. And then there's the fact that he was there for me when literally no one else was.

"No." I said and she nodded.

"Come on, let's go inside." We walked into her house and she had me sit on the couch while she called Leon. "He's on his way." She said and sat right next to me.

"Kay." I murmured.

"Zexion, you know that we have to talk more, you and me. I am your therapist now, not just a guidance counselor. I know that it will take time before you can open up more comfortably, but we have to start somewhere to make progress." Aerith said and I nodded. "I know this may not be what you want to hear, but I know a lot about your past. I read the journal that Xemnas found. I'm concerned that if you don't learn how to break out soon, you could really be damaged by it." Aerith said and I sighed. I understood.

"Why don't you start by telling me how this right now is making you feel?" She asked and I was quiet. "How is hearing all of this affecting you?" She asked again and I shrugged.

"Tired." I said and Aerith nodded.

"And? Try sentences."

I sat up more. "Feel sad." I said and she placed a hand on my knee.

"It must be very challenging for you." I nodded. Thankfully Leon interrupted.

"Hey Leon, over here." Aerith let him in and he walked up to me, that tall, tan, brunette. Shit, he's hot. Maybe my depression from being tied down blinded me from his sexiness when I first met him in the hospital. But he's also much older. And, he's not my Demyx.

"Hello Zexion." Leon sat next to me. "Do you mind showing me your arms?" He asked and I rolled up my sleeves carefully. "Hmm, it's not bad. I'm just going to bandage them up so that they don't reopen in your sleep ok?" He took out a roll of bandage tape and I let him wrap up my arms from my wrists to my elbows.

"Thank you." I said as he finished.

"No problem. Hey, you're talking." He gave a quick cheap smile. "Keep it up." He stood up and saluted me lazily.

Aerith thanked him before he left and she made me sit in the kitchen while she made dinner.

"Are you hungry?"

"Yes." I learned that if I didn't actually say it, she wouldn't feed me. Sometime in my first week I tried to go without talking and she made delicious smelling food and wouldn't let me touch it until I said a word.

"I'm making a salad. Will you be joining me for dinner?" She asked and I nodded.

"Yes."

"What would you like on it?" She asked and I shrugged.

"Doesn't matter." I answered honestly.

"You know that your opinion will always matter, right?"

"Yeah."

"So, do you have any preferences?" She asked and I shook my head.

"Eat anything." I shrugged and she put down the lettuce she was washing.

"I will eat anything." She corrected me and nodded at me, as if to say, 'try again'.

"I eat anything." I said and she smiled.

"Thank you for expressing yourself." She set a bowl of salad in front of me and I dug in. I wasn't even two bites in when the doorbell rang.

"Coming." Aerith walked out of the dining room as I sat there patiently. "He's in here." She said as he entered back with….

Author's Note:

I know, enough of the cliff hangers, but this isn't really that much of a "who is it" moment lol. Or is it? O.o Is it Demyx to apologize? Xemnas to interview him again? Leon returning cause he forgot something? Axel and Roxas, concerned for their friend?

The chapters will start to level out a little bit, but not for long. In other words, please prepare. For what? I can't say. Just be ready lol ;)

So I just wanted to thank you all for being patient, I know I keep saying it, cause its so true. Lately things have been getting better with my ex ^_^ translation: we're talking lol. I'm starting to accept our friendship as what it is, and I'd much rather have that than nothing. So thanks for listening lol. I'm still struggling with homework and classes, and recently my health has been pretty bad, but I just got back from the doctors today, so I have the medicine I need. Long story short, I'm only a couple weeks away from the end of these terrible classes! Also want to remind everyone that the 200th reviewer will get a special surprise, nothing TOO big, but a lil surprise. ^_^

To CatlinP1997: Awww, I am so happy to hear that! Please tell her that I am so happy to be able to provide a genre with a pairing of her interest! (if you, friend of CatlinP, are reading this, thank you for reading!) I appreciate it ^_^

To kindofabadger: yes, when you have someone who is there for you like that, it can help provide the hope that you need to make better decisions for yourself. Haha, I'm glad that you felt the awkward tension! I remember writing that in class, trying not to make it look obvious that I was writing an awkward scene, which made it all even more awkward. Hahaha, yeah, sorry for the headache! Yes, just read and enjoy, and thank you so much for the reviews! No, thank YOU for taking the time out of your day to provide such positive feedback. It really does encourage me to write as much as I do, and it makes me wish that I could have the time to write even more ^_^ Lol, straight is over-rated ;) lmao.

To x-Trisana-skystorm-x: Thank you so much for reviewing! I'm glad that you like the pacing, since it is usually something that I struggle with. I kept adding scenes, taking scenes out, and at one point I almost forgot what has already happened and what hasn't yet lol. Its my fault for writing so many stories at once lol. Thanks for the compliment on my grammar, its actually what I study for my major, so its nice that I can still maintain my sanity of grammar-rules outside of the classroom. Usually I'm so brain-dead after lol. Once again, super happy that you can sympathize with the characters! It sounds to me like you understand everything that is going on, and I appreciate the feedback. Thank you!

To Nacht Schleier: Aww, thank you so much for the review! I love your name! German is awesome! Lol. And thank you for the compliment! I put a lot of work into this story, so I'm glad that you like it.

To ForeverUke: I'm glad that you like it! This entire story is up-and-down-ish, so you'll get much more of it, don't worry lol YAY! Glad you liked the shout-out! I want to see them!

To KidaKama: Lol, perfection is what I wish I could get! Right now, I'm just trying to get something down inbetween my never ending homework assignments. Literally, an hour after I turn in 10 pages for one class, that same class gives me another 10 pages due our next meeting. Its not fun lol. So far I don't have a title, but I usually don't come up with one till I'm much farther in. I'll let you know once I come up with it!

To RoxasVentusHikari: Hello Roxas! As always, thank you for another great review! Of course, I hate being sick, and I hope that your cough goes away soon ^_^ Well…you just saw Leon….so I'm not sure if you still think that Zexion will go back to the hospital. Right you are, this story wont end for a while! And I'm glad that that makes you happy. Lol, is this the drama you were expecting? Don't worry it'll get better….in a way….lol. You are right about the drama, so I guess even my word doesn't mean much about it getting better.

To Shadowridge: Lol yay I'm glad that you find this story epic! Hmm, I'm not sure. Good luck!

To LyingOpheliac: YAY! I'm so super happy that you find this addicting! Thank you for reviewing!

To AkixYusei: Aww, thank you! I'm glad that you like it. I'm going to try to keep it going for as long as it will work with the story line lol. Thank you for reviewing!

To SoraTrancy: Yes! Your twin (RoxasVentusHikari) is awesome ^_^ Oh wow, I really am sorry if I brought up any painful/unwanted memories or feelings. I must say that I feel sympathy towards your struggles, and I am so honored that you connected with my story. Thank you so much for your bravery and for sharing, and please, don't ever give up. I hope things look up for you soon. ~Sarabellum

To BuddyFaith: I'm really glad that you can connect to this, and thank you for being so sweet. No need to apologize, its not a weird review at all! Thank you for reviewing, I hope that the story continues to serve as an inspiration if possible!

To Cirxe145: Yes, that would be really bad! By the way, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I hope that this chapter can be a part of your special day. Also, check my uploaded stories ;) Look for "Private Tutor".

To Alice: …I'm sorry you cried! I'm in college and I love anime and cosplaying! I think it's important to realize that this is fiction and that we need a balance with a focus on reality, but if its helping, then don't abandon it. Besides, you have to please yourself over anyone, especially an ex, cause if you don't do what's right for you, who will? I'm sorry that you can relate to this, but I hope that it helps and that things pick up for you soon.

To MiyuCross12: thank you, I absolutely love your review! Aww, I'm so happy that you find it addicting! I shall continue to write and I hope you continue to review!

To Camcamgorawraw: Ah yes, high school is no walk in the park. Aww thanks! I like happy moments, even though I add a lot of tension lol. Thanks, love you too. Lol yes, you still have hope to be the 200th reviewer! Don't give up!

I just wrote an AkuZex (Axel X Zexion for Cirxe145, happy birthday!) so please check it out! It's called Private Tutor!

Thank you everyone for reading and for reviewing! Have an awesome day.

Heart, Sarabellum


	18. Behind The Tears

"Thank you for expressing yourself." She set a bowl of salad in front of me and I dug in. I wasn't even two bites in when the doorbell rang.

"Coming." Aerith walked out of the dining room as I sat there patiently. "He's in here." She said as he entered back with none other than Demyx behind her.

"Dem." I stood up and he rushed over to me.

"Hey. Zex, I-I'm sorry about earlier." He held me and I let my face rest against his warm shirt.

"It's kay." I whispered.

"You know that I love you, don't you? So damn much." Demyx cupped my face and I nodded slightly. Just kiss me already dammit! He let my face fall so that he could hold my middle tightly. "It's not easy for me either Zex. I just want to make sure that you get the help you need first." Demyx said and I nodded.

"Zexion, I've been thinking…do you think it'll help if we allowed Demyx to join us in our talk?" Aerith entered our little moment and I froze as Demyx took his hands off me.

I gulped; I didn't want to hear how much I had hurt Dem, but at the same time, I could tell there was more that he had to say.

"Kay." I said and we all moved to the living room. I sat on the couch next to Demyx while Aerith pulled a chair up in front of us.

"Who would like to start?" Aerith began and I looked to Demyx, who sighed through his nose.

"I will." Demyx turned to face me and I cleared his throat. "Zexion, I want you to know that I love you, and that I really am proud of how much progress you're making. I want to be with you so badly, it's just that right now isn't good timing. You're still healing and while I'm glad to be a part of this process, I don't want to complicate it. Pot, cutting, AND heavy substances is a lot to find out about someone you really like." I sat in silence; he was right.

"When you were in the hospital and I saw your arms, I was scared. The drugs are not good Zex. Not good. And I was scared that, that you'd go back to them. It's called an addiction for a reason."

I couldn't look him in the eye. Yea, I planned on going back to pot, and maybe something real heavy when I really needed it.

"Zexion, how does hearing this make you feel?" I cleared my throat and gulped.

"Sad." I said and Demyx nodded.

"And?" Aerith pressed for more so I shrugged.

"Love Dem." I said in its simplicity and honesty.

Demyx smiled. "I know you do Zex. And I love you too. Right now, it's time for you to heal, and when we can both agree that we're ready, we'll take it from there. Does that work?"

I shook my head. "Now." I said stubbornly.

"Zex you have to heal." Demyx tried to reason with me.

"Healed!" I begged with a hand over my heart.

"If you can't see how hurt you are, then you never can fully heal." Demyx shrugged and I hung my head.

"Zexion, by saying that you're healed, do you believe that you have no cravings for old habits? Any of them?" I shrugged. I've been much happier now that I get to hang out with my friends more often and that I don't have to see my Aunts fucking face every day. I don't feel a need to cut anymore, but I already broke that habit so does it even count? Yeah, I want pot but I can't sneak it. And then there's E. Speed always scared me, but I used to be so desperate that I felt like I needed it. Now that I have a new life, I don't want to go back to it. As for ecstasy, it's harder to let go of. All it is is a pill. No needles, no sniffing, no railing, no scars, no mess. Just a pill and bliss. I wanted pot too. God why did they have to bring this all up?

"Zexion?" Aerith brought me back and I shrugged. "Why don't you walk us through? Start by explaining to us why you liked your old coping methods. Be honest with us, because it's the surest way to be honest with yourself." Aerith smiled and I nodded a bit hesitantly.

"Which do you want to start with?" She asked and I shrugged. "How about the cutting?" I could feel my eyes widen with guilt, but I quickly cleared my throat to hide it. To act like the idea didn't faze me, I nodded. "So tell us, why did you cut?"

I found it to be a stupid question, but I played along anyway.

"Feels good." I said and Aerith naturally challenged me.

"I would think that slicing your own skin would feel rather painful." I put my hand back over my heart.

"Feels better." I repeated and Aerith asked me to explain.

"Use sentences." She said and I looked to Demyx, who nodded at me.

"Cut hurts arm. Heart…feels….better." I scratched my head. I know I don't feel this way anymore, not since my 'realization', but I still had to let them know why I started cutting in the first place.

"So when you cut, you're hurting your arm, which takes away from the pain in your heart?" Aerith translated.

"Yeah." I answered.

"So if your heart doesn't hurt when you cut, why the drugs?"

I thought for a moment. "Cut doesn't last." I shrugged.

"And the drugs do?" Aerith continued the interrogation.

"Longer."

"I see. Demyx, do you have anything to say?" Aerith looked over to Demyx.

Demyx cleared his throat and rubbed his hands nervously together. "I…I don't like the drugs." Demyx quietly coughed. It was heavily silent until Aerith spoke up.

"Do you want to tell Zexion why?" Aerith asked and Demyx shook his head.

"You. Please." Demyx pointed at Aerith and she nodded.

"Zexion, the reason why Demyx feels so strongly against your previous drug use is because his dad died of an overdose."

I looked at my Demyx with shock.

"Sorry." I tried to look him in the eye, but he only looked away. His eyes were dripping as his lips quivering and I wanted so badly to hold him.

"D-Demy?" I gently layered my hand over his, but he quickly drew it back to cover his face.

"I can't Zex. I can't date anyone who does drugs. I froze when I saw the needles and leftovers in our room. I just can't Zex. It scares me." Demyx's shoulders bounced and I moved closer to hug him.

"No more." I said, wondering how I was going to stay away from pot and ecstasy but when I see Demyx cry, I feel at my worst.

"I don't want to lose anyone again. It's addicting, and it's so hard to quit and it kills people! Dammit Zex it kills! No more. I can't go through it again." Demyx bawled and I hugged him tight.

"Not again." I whispered. I was in so much shock that I could hardly speak.

"When I found your body, I thought you were going to be the second." Demyx's shoulders bounced as he cried, so I looked to Aerith for translation.

"This rough spot that Demyx is going through, it's because last weekend marked the third year it's been since he found his father's body." Aerith said and Demyx sniffled loudly as I squeezed his hand as tightly as I could.

"I found him, face down, cold, lying on his bedroom floor. I was all alone and so scared. I didn't want that to happen again. Not with you." Demyx chocked on his words and I nodded. I felt like shit. Worse than shit. What did I do to him? What kind of asshole reminds an angel about his fathers overdose?

"Done Dem. Done." I held his head as he rested it on my shoulder.

"Promise?" Demyx sniffled and I nodded.

"Yeah. Promise." Shit. This is going to be a bitch of a promise to keep.

"Y-y-you can't break it, ok?"

"No. No break." I combed his Mohawk.

"I mean it Zex. I can't fucking go through that again." Demyx sat up to hide his face in his hands. I turned to Aerith with tears in my eyes. I didn't know what to say or do. What would anyone say or do in a situation like this, where you realize that you're the cause of such a traumatic pain and memory.

"I'm sorry." I whispered.

"Just no more, p-please?" Demyx begged with more desperation than I've ever seen.

"No more." I nodded, my eyes filled to the brim with fresh tears.

"Kay." He sniffled before he sat up and hugged me.

"Love Dem." I whispered in his ear.

"Love Zex." He sniffled back.

The two of us sat there, not really saying anything, just holding each other and trying to comfort the other as we sat in silence.

"Remember what we talked about Demyx? While it's completely understandable that you're hurting, it doesn't mean that you can assume the same fate for Zexion. It's natural to be concerned, and I'm sure Zexion appreciates it, but you have to remember that Zexion is making an effort for change, and he's already made a lot of progress." Aerith said and Demyx nodded. His head was still on my shoulder as I combed his hair and rubbed his back.

"I just don't want to risk it again." Demyx gulped and I held him tighter.

"No risk." I whispered, feeling so fucking shitty. I had been crying silently since we told each other that we loved each other. I can't believe that all along, I was making him relive something he never should have experienced.

"Look how far you've come too Demyx. I must say that I'm impressed, and I find it inspiring. Perhaps Zexion can too if you two communicated more." Aerith said and Demyx sat up and rubbed his eyes.

"I wasn't always so optimistic Zex." Demyx started, swallowing the last of his tears. "Before my dad died, I was just some kid trying to get through school with ADHD, labeled as hyper and beyond control. Then my dad started bringing the drugs home, and I watched him and my mom fight a lot. Somehow, it scared the hyperness out of me. I spent so much time hiding in my bedroom while they fought, that I learned how to be calm. Then, my mom had enough, so she left. I remember her packing to leave, so I started to pack too, but, but," Demyx started crying again so I rubbed his arm to comfort him. "But she told me that she wanted to get away from me too." Demyx's lips quivered and I started crying again. I wanted to ask what kind of bitch would make this angelic boy cry….but I'm guilty of the same charge.

"Demy," I whispered, feeling that huge punch to the heart when I realized how much he's been through.

"It's been about four years, but it still hurts, thinking about how she pushed me back inside the house when I tried to go with her. I begged her to take me, cause I didn't want to stay with me dad, but she locked the car doors so I couldn't get in. After I watched her drive off, I went back inside to see that my dad was already high. I hated my life. I hated it so much! I used to spend all my time with Axel, just trying to escape my dad. Then when my dad died, I didn't know what to do. Axel made me talk to Aerith, and she's been helping me ever since." Demyx smiled shyly, so I smiled as well, behind the tears.

"Demy, so brave." If I wasn't already madly in love with him, I became even more so. The strength it must take to live through that and still look like you're the happiest person alive must be tougher than it looks. "Demy, perfect." I envied how strong he is.

Demyx shook his head. "It wasn't easy Zex, but in the end I learned that you really have to just push through. Life is hard for everyone. If we allow ourselves to think only about the bad, then we'll never be able to recognize the good when it comes." Demyx encouraged me, and I nodded.

"Demy, good." I pointed to him and he smiled.

"Thank you Zex." Demyx bowed his head lightly as we all sighed the tension away.

"Demyx, would you like to stay for dinner?" Aerith asked after a few minutes and Demyx nodded.

"Thank you." We all ate in complete and utter silence and when we finished, Aerith started cleaning the kitchen while Demyx and I moved to the living room.

Demyx sighed and rubbed his temples, looking like he was in pain.

"Demy ok?" I asked and he folded his hands in his lap.

"I get headaches after I cry."

"I sorry Demy." I rested my head on his shoulder and to my surprise he rested his head on mine.

"I know that you don't want to hurt me Zex. Right now, I'm already hurting because of my dad. I want to leave it in the past, but it's hard when there are still traces of it still in my life."

"I sorry." I accidently exhaled on his neck, but when he shuddered, I smiled.

"It's ok." He whispered just before I gently kissed his neck. I felt and heard him swallow nervously before I made another risky move and kissed his neck more forcefully with my closed lips, allowing my tongue to shyly break through and stamp his skin. He took his head off of mine and I feared that I had just pushed him away. I sat up and frowned until I saw him lean in with closed eyes. He pressed his heated lips hard against my neck as my pulse rose. I don't know how he does it. I don't know how he has the ability to command my heart to beat faster, or my mind to turn to mush, or my body to feel like every sensation is hitting me in slow motion.

After the kiss he nudged his face into my neck, the cold tip of his nose tickling my now heated flesh.

"Heehee." I accidently let out an uncontrollable laugh and he giggled back.

I smiled, moving my head as he did. We were actually necking, for my first time. It is easily, without hesitation, the cutest thing that anyone's ever done with me. Demyx got really into it, letting his face and neck slide against every inch of my neck while I tried not to let the tickling over-power his cuteness.

I don't know what was cuter, him nudging his face into my tight neck, or the fact that by doing so, he was letting me lead. I grabbed one of his hands with mine and took some of his longer strands of hair with my other. He kissed his way up my neck to my jaw-line, and when I turned to face him due to my reflexes, we stared each other in the eye. His eyes were hurt, yet hopeful; mine were content and pleased, but both of us looked unsure.

"Have you boys done your homework?" Aerith asked as she walked into the living room, breaking the long silence.

"Hm? Oh, yeah, um, I mean no! I haven't finished yet." Demyx blushed, so I did too.

"If you two finish soon, I have a movie and popcorn we can enjoy." Aerith smiled so Demyx and I busted out our books and began doing our homework quietly on the living room floor.

"Ugh! Finally done! I hate math." Demyx grumbled. "No offense!" he quickly blurted to me and I shrugged.

"Hate reading." I held up the novel we had to read for literature and he shook his head at me with a cute smile.

"Demyx, what time do you have to be home by?" Aerith asked and Demyx sighed.

"Doesn't matter."

"I don't want to drop you off too late." She said politely.

"Aqua isn't too picky." Demyx said and I looked at him.

"Aqua?" I had never heard of her before. For some reason, I got scared. I mean, I know he's gay and that he likes me…but what if it's his best friend who he's extremely close to? Too close?

"She's my foster mom." Demyx smiled.

"Demy…orphanage?" I asked in fear. Maybe that explains why he got so mad that I nearly allowed myself to get put into one.

"For a little while." Demyx shrugged and I felt like shit, again.

"Zexion? What's wrong?" Aerith read the look on my face.

"Feel bad." I said quietly.

"Why?" Aerith asked and I shook my head.

"Demy orphanage…me…almost." I said what was as close to a sentence as I have in a long-ass time.

"For me, it was my only option. I had nowhere else to go, but you, you had a choice. I'm just glad that you didn't have to go where you didn't need to go." Demyx offered a cheap smile, but it didn't help.

"I'm sorry." I said, not really knowing why, but it just felt needed.

"Don't be." Demyx shrugged cheerfully, but all I could do was nod with my hopeless face.

"Zex, come here." Demyx held out his arms and I made my way to them. He held me tightly and let his hand massage my hair. That one repetitive action of his fingers gliding up and down my straight hair relaxed me into such a calm, that I was falling asleep. Everything went quiet when Demyx started singing a soft lullaby, and pretty soon, even that faded from my hearing. Everything went quite. Everything went still.

"He's still asleep?" I heard Aerith ask quietly, my eyes closed and heavy.

"Yeah; isn't he adorable?" That was Demyx's voice, I was sure of it. I could feel his chest move as he breathed, and I could feel his hands circling my back. I didn't want to move, not for anything.

"I don't want to wake him up, but how else can we get you home?" Aerith asked and I decided to stay in my sleepy stupor. I was barely awake, still unable to open my eyes, but if I pretended that I was fully asleep, maybe Demyx could stay for just a while longer.

I feigned sleep as best as I could, perhaps even better, because everything went black before I woke up in fear of being suffocated.

"M?" I fidgeted in my sleep with the feeling of something tightly squeezing my stomach. I struggled with a gasp, about to kick when I realized that there was an arm around me. I turned around to see Demyx there, in my bed, with the dark night surrounding us. It took me a while to actually realize that Demyx was staying the night, and was in my bed, with me.

"Demy?" I whispered. I didn't want to wake him up, but I wanted to be able to move so that I could hold him back, and you know, breathe maybe?

"M? Die Santa." Demyx mumbled and I couldn't help but laugh to myself. He says the weirdest things in his sleep, but I'd love to sleep with him every night for the rest of my life to see what else he says.

"Demy." I nudged his chest off of my back so I could inhale properly. "Dem." I said again and he stirred.

"Wha?"

"Air." I coughed and he sat up on his arm.

"Hm? Oh yea, sorry." He yawned and I smiled. The clock on my dresser read 2 in the morning, and I dreaded the idea of morning when I wanted time to freeze to the idea of him in my bed with me.

"It's kay." I scooted my back into his chest and he laid back down and held me properly.

"Night Zex." Demyx snuggled his face in the back of my neck. I giggled; I felt each of his breaths when he exhaled, the warm air tickling my skin as I turned around.

"Night Demy." I put my arms over his, loving how strong, warm, and soft they were on my cold, fragile, broken body.

I need him. He's not just my medicine. He's so much more. He's my everything.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note: Thanks for being patient, its exams right now so I'm extremely busy. My life should start normalizing now that I wont be taking all these extra classes, so I should be able to write and post more!<strong>

**SO wasn't this just an adorable chapter? I love cute sleeping scenes lol.**

**DON'T FORGET! The 200th reviewer will get a special bonus treat! If I reach 300 (I would really be surprised and honored) then I will do the same for the 300th reviewer ^_^**

To Cirxe145: I'm glad that you had a good birthday, and I'm glad that you liked the story.

To Shadowridge: Hahaha, I'm so sorry for the torture!

To RoxasVentusHikari: Yay! I'm glad that you found the last chapter to be worth the wait. I'm so sorry that its taking me so hard to update. Hmm, well Demyx did apologize, but you know me, there is so much left to occur in this story ;) Hahaha, I love Cloud! I want to incorporate him more in here. Honestly I found myself to be extremely lost by the time too, because I usually post daily, and now that I'm posting whenever I can, I'm finding myself to be lost as well. However, I went back and re-read the scenes when Zexion left the hospital countless times and I counted the days to be about two weeks. I'm guessing that my random posting updates aren't helping, and I apologize for the lack of clarity. Yeah that wasn't a cool prank on Axel's behalf! And Demyx wet and in a speedo was such a tempting offer. I can't give anything about future chapters away, unless you want my 'spoilers' which end up being nothing more than teasers. Yes, anything can still happen! Thank YOU for such a wonderful, long, thoughtful review. I appreciate them very much! (and congrats on not being sick anymore!) ~Sarabellum.

Zu nacht Schleier: Hahaha, I loved your review! I'm sorry I made you wait so long! I hope it was worth it! By the way, I love your tagname!

To kindofabadger: Aww, yay, I'm glad that you liked the last chapter. LOl, yes, I'd be soooo tempted in a big wet hug with Demyx too! Yes, talking is good, so thank you so much for your support!

To: CloudofDarkness'sProtege: No need to apologize! Aww, thank you so much for the compliments! That is so sweet of you!

To Alice: hahaha, yeaaaah, its not Zexion's mom! Maybe one day lol jk. YES! I'm so glad that you caught that! I always have the smallest of hints or references to KH or even to my own life in each chapter, so its nice to hear when people get them. That's awesome! Go cosplaying buddies! Lol.

To camcamgorawraw: Hahaha, yeah I like suspense too! Oh wow, ok here I go: my favorite color is grey, fruit watermelon, my favorite book is The Hobbit, food is rice, hospital is the military hospital I went to every year in high school from hockey injuries, and as cheesy as it sounds, I really do love all my fans equally! I can name most of my 'true' fans by their exact tag-name, and I remember my first fans, and I admire each and every one so much. Thanks! I hope you have a great Spring break as well!

To KidaKama: Good luck with your college prospects! It's a bit stressful, but it will all pay off, trust me. Thanks for your review on my Avatar story! I love how I have more cool points than harry potter, so Robert P is my next goal for cool points.

To Jet: Yes, Zexy does need love! Lol, I'm so sorry for all the cliff hangers! I hope it was worth it all. Thank you, it was rough but time does heal a lot. Yay! I hope that things are going well for you and your friend. I do have a deviant art (link is on my profile page) but I don't have pictures. I'm not too fond of deviant art because I'm not familiar with it. I prefer fanfiction and tumblr.

To Ilovinogilbert: Awwww, thank you SO much! That is so sweet of you! Thank you for the cookies and for the hugs! *hugs back*

To AoiZora: No need to apologize, because I'm so busy as well. Hahah, awww, I love Christmas lol. OMG I swear when I read your review, it was like a breath of fresh air! Your review is pretty much how I feel about my own story! So it's like you read my mind! It's so refreshing! I just wanted to thank you for your review, because it really is what I wanted the reader to understand and see, and I am so relieved that you came to the same conclusions that I was trying to set up. So thank you! And thank you for the long review, I love reading them!

To BuddyFaith: Oh, review? I like! Lol. Hahaha yessss, Demy in a speedo is perfection!

To ZeltaFrost: Yay! You guessed correct! Hahaha, I wouldn't have Axel cheat on Roxas, I just love Akuroku too much lol. Aww, I have had several readers cry already, so you wouldn't be the first. Hahah, I'm glad that you liked the humor coming from Axel. He's one of my favorite characters to work with. Thank you so much. I love your review, and thank you for your kind words.

To Moondogy: Thank you for bringing that to my attention. I know someone who went through a similar experience and they said that it was pretty accurate. I've never been in that situation myself, so thank you for letting me know!

**Thank you everyone for reading and reviewing! I have two new-ish stories out, so please check my profile for some good reading while you wait for an update!**

**Heart, Sarabellum.**


	19. Welcome Home

When I woke up to see that Demyx was still with me in bed, I smiled so big, it hurt my cheeks. I couldn't resist, so I gently kissed his nose, but when he twitched and scrunched his face, I kept still.

"Sleep." Demyx murmured, and I found cute, since he was asleep as he said it.

"You sleep." I teased back. I always wondered what it'd be like to talk to someone who's talking in their sleep.

"M, don't." Demyx fidgeted and I giggled.

"Don't do what?" I asked, but Demyx let go of me and rolled over.

I knew that he was still dead asleep, as if his light snoring didn't give it away, but when he let go of me and moved his back towards me, I felt so lonely.

"D-Demy?" I whispered. I felt bad for waking him up, but I wanted so badly to be held. "Demy?" I asked louder and he squirmed some more.

"M?"

"Demy, hold me?" I asked and Demyx mumbled more shit in his sleep. "Demy?" I put my hand on his arm and tugged on it.

"Huh? What?" Demyx sat up. I felt so bad for startling him.

"Sorry." I whispered and he exhaled in his exhaustion as he laid back down.

"It's ok." Demyx closed his eyes and sighed through his nose.

"C-can you hold me?" I asked, and Demyx sat up again.

"Did you just use a full sentence?" He asked, rubbing his eyes. I nodded. It was around six in the morning, and with the small light that entered through my window, I saw him smile. "Congrats Zexy." Demyx laid back down again, putting his arms around me.

"Thank you Demy." I held him back, letting my hands explore his shoulders as he started a breathing pattern that I copied.

"I love you Zexy." Demyx kissed my temple and I couldn't explain the tears that formed in my eyes. Hearing those words, feeling his body meshed against mine, and having our breathing synchronized in perfect harmony made me feel like I wanted to invent a time machine that could pause time. I wanted to live in that moment, in that embrace, forever.

"I love you Demy." I sniffled, and at the sound of my trembling words, Demyx pushed me back so he could look at me.

"Why are you crying babyboy?" Demyx moved my bangs out of my face and the second I heard him call me 'babyboy', I started bawling.

"I want my Demy!" I sobbed as he held me tighter.

"Your Demy is right here." Demyx rubbed my back as I muffled my cries into his chest. "Shh, Demy's right here." He repeated, stroking my back and combing my hair.

I cried for a couple minutes, my arms too weak to hold him, but loving the strength behind his grasp on my body.

"Shhh, it's ok." Demy cooed, humming a soft tune that relaxed my body and eased my mind.

"You ok?" Demyx asked after I reduced my sobs to sniffled. I nodded. "What's wrong?" He lowered himself on the bed so that we were eyelevel. He stared straight into my hurt eyes with his curious pair.

"I…I mi-missed you." I started getting all worked up again, so Demyx did his best to calm me down.

"Shh-shh-shh, it's ok. I missed you too baby. I missed you so damn much." Demyx squeezed me as more tears streamed down my face.

"I need you Demy, you're my medicine!" I somehow recovered my strength and held him as tightly as I could. All these emotions enabled me to use full sentences without even realizing it, or caring.

"I need you too Zexy." Demyx continued to hold me.

"Please, please!" I pleaded, not even sure what I was asking for.

"What do you want baby?" Demyx tried calming me down by coming his fingers in my hair.

"Don't leave me! Don't push me away!" I begged and he squeezed me tighter.

"I won't Zex. I promise."

"Demy! Demy." I sniffled, holding onto him for dear life as he hummed a soft lullaby.

"I'm right here Zexion. I'm not leaving." He held the back of my head as I relaxed and reduced my sniffles.

"Demy, proud of me?" I asked, going back to my cave-man speech. I just needed to hear him say it. I needed to hear him say that he was proud of me. I needed reassurance that I was making progress in this hopeless world.

Demyx smiled sweetly, but he still looked tired. "Yeah baby. I'm so very proud of you. More than I could ever say." Demyx let his hand rub up and down my back, massaging my cotton T-shirt against my cold flesh.

"Thank you Demy." I lowered myself so that I could nuzzle my face against his chest, which made him giggle.

"That tickles." Demyx kissed my forehead and I smiled up at him.

"Night Demy." I said as I let myself get comfortable on my side, my body curled up into Demyx's chest.

"Night Zexy." Demyx held me as I fell back asleep, wishing I didn't have to wake up.

* * *

><p>When I did wake up, I woke up cold and feeling scared.<p>

"DEMY?" I sat up, panting. No…that couldn't have been a dream. It was far too real! But why was I so cold and so lonely? "Demy?" I shouted again, feeling like I was going to pass out. I felt so scared and so extremely helpless. There were no signs of him, and that scared me. It was a dream, it had to have been. It was just so real.

"Zexion? What's wrong?" Aerith ran into my room, and at the sight of her and not Demyx, I started to sniffle.

"Demy." I wrapped my arms around myself, scrunching my knees to my chest. I wanted my Demy.

"What about Demyx?" Aerith asked and I tried to keep myself from crying as I explained.

"Miss him." I blinked the tears back in my eyes.

"I only went to the bathroom." Demyx walked into my room, standing by Aerith.

"Demy!" I smiled like I had never known pain and raced off the bed to hug him. In my desperate effort to magically appear at the other end of my room in a split second, I fell off my bed and landed on the floor, face first.

"Oof! Owww." I groaned, my head aching.

"Oh my god! Zexion!" Demyx ran over to me and helped me sit up.

"Are you ok?" Aerith kneeled by me.

"Demy." I trapped him by locking my arms around his neck.

Demyx smiled. "I'm right here Zex. I had to go to the bathroom, and you were asleep. Guess I moved a lot when I got out of bed. Sorry." Demyx winced, but I didn't care. I just wanted to hold him and be held.

"It's ok." I smiled with closed and happy eyes.

"Good communication Zexion." Aerith said cheerfully, as if I were a toddler, but I appreciated it.

"He used sentences last night." Demyx squeezed me. Part of me wished he hadn't said that, cause now they're going to expect it, but the way he squeezed me after made me feel so special. "I'm so proud of him." Demyx rubbed my back and I inhaled and exhaled loudly. I was so happy to feel so loved and so appreciated. It was the exact opposite of how I felt when I let myself cut. I didn't even want to think about then. This is now. And I feel happy.

"That's great Zexion! Why don't you two get ready; I have a fun weekend planned, especially now that Zexion has made a huge step in his progress." Aerith said and Demyx nodded.

"Come on Zex." Demyx helped me stand up. We each got ready and climbed into the car, with Demyx sitting with me in the backseat.

Aerith drove us to a local restaurant that served the best homemade style breakfast in all of town.

"Axel? Roxas?" I was surprised when I saw the two sitting at a table, looking like they were waiting for us.

"Hey Zexion!" Roxas stood up and hugged me.

"Hi." I said and hugged Axel, who stood up as well.

"Hello Zexion. How are you?" Axel greeted and I smiled.

"Great. You?" I asked and Axel smiled.

"I'm doing pretty good. Glad to hear that you're doing great. You look, really happy." Axel said, almost suspiciously.

"Happy." I nodded and we all sat down in a half circle booth.

"I bet Demyx can make you even happier." Roxas smiled. He and Axel sat across from Demyx and me, while Aerith sat in the middle.

"Oh, I'm sure he can make Zexion really happy." Aerith smiled and I looked to Demyx, who was blushing uncontrollably, just as I was.

"Demy makes me happy." I took Demyx's hand and Demyx smiled at me.

"Zex? I wanted to ask you something?" Demyx's face looked really serious, and it scared me. I could tell that something was off, especially when he let my hand fall out of his.

"Demy ok?" I asked and he nodded with a shaky smile.

"You…you've been making a lot of progress, and I admire your strength. To be honest, I didn't think you could do it. It's not that I didn't have faith in you, but I guess I just saw what drugs did to my dad, and I couldn't help but fear that the same thing could happen to you. It's so addictive, I didn't think it would be possible for you to leave it all behind as easily as you did. I wasn't sure what to think." Demyx said and I nodded. I wished he hadn't said any of that. I didn't want him to be sad, because that would make me sad.

"But, I see now, that you've been living with Aerith, following all her rules, speaking every hour, and you're smiling and being patient with me without surrendering to any of your old habits." Demyx smiled and like magic, he made my smile reappear.

"I guess what I'm trying to say, what I'm trying to ask, is," he paused and somehow my heartbeat paused as well. I didn't want to get ahead of myself, but I felt like he was going to ask me out, like he was going to make it official. I held my breath, smiling, anxious for him to spit it out.

"I want to know if, if you can forgive me? For all the times I acted out of line when you were trying your best to heal?" Demyx said and I tried not to look disappointed. My eyes felt so heavy, and my heart felt crushed. I was almost positive that he was going to ask me to be his boyfriend!

"I forgive you." I said with a smile. It wasn't fake, but it wasn't as real as I would have hoped.

"Really? Good. I…I want to be there for you like I used to, back when we first became friends." Demyx smiled and I nodded along.

"Demy, forgive me?" I asked, trying to completely forget my inaccurate idea that he was going to ask me out.

"Forgive you for what?" Demyx asked and I shrugged.

"Being impatient, making it harder." I said and Demyx shook his head.

"You weren't making it harder. I wasn't allowing myself to believe reality. It wasn't your fault, ok?" Demyx asked and I nodded.

"Awww, look at them, they're having a conversation!" Roxas whispered, not so quietly.

"They are adorable." Axel put his arm around Roxas, who snuggled into the embrace.

"You both have put in so much effort to help one another by helping yourself. I know it wasn't easy for either of you." Aerith smiled and I smiled up at Demyx. I wanted him to hold me, to stop saying what he wanted and to just start doing it.

"Zex? Can, can I ask you something else?" Demyx cleared his throat and I nodded.

"Ok." I said, trying to think of what this question would be. My first guess was that he was going to ask for more time in his healing, in which case I'd have to say yes. My second guess would be that he's going to ask something personal about my past, or something to try to help him understand me more. I was about to think of my third guess when he opened his mouth.

"Do, will, will you go out with me?" He asked, his face smiling nervously.

"Huh?" I couldn't compute the words I was hearing. His smile faded as I sat there, confused.

"I…I want to know if you'll be my boyfriend?" Demyx gave a scared half-smile, probably anxious to hear my answer, but I could hardly understand what was going on. So…he was asking me out? Wait! He was asking me out!

"Demy…want Zexy…b-boy-boyfriend?" I stammered and Demyx nodded.

"I think it'd be even more special if you answered in a full sentence." Aerith said, reminding me that Demyx and I weren't the only two people at the table, or in the entire world.

"What, what do you say?" Demyx shrugged, trying to keep his weary smile.

I looked to Aerith, who nodded for encouragement. "I… I want to be Demy's boyfriend." I smiled and Demyx gave a bubbly smile.

"Really?" He acted surprised, which I found adorable, although unnecessary.

"Congrats!" Roxas clapped, and Axel did as well.

"You two really do make a cute couple." Axel said as I stared into Demyx's happy eyes.

"I love you Zexion." Demyx took my hand in his and I smiled so wide, I could have died.

"I love you too, Demy." I used my free hand to poke his chest gently, which made him laugh.

"Damn, he is using sentences!" Roxas gasped and I blushed.

"He's doing so well. We're all very proud of you Zexion." Aerith said and I blushed even stronger.

"Thank you." I whispered.

"To Zexion and Demyx." Axel toasted his water, and we all clanged glasses before we ate.

After breakfast, Aerith took us all back to her place.

"Demy planned it?" I asked after Axel mentioned how long he'd been waiting for Demyx and I to get together. We all piled up in the living room, full, and content.

"Yea, he's been talking about it since he met you. Only, the whole hospital thing delayed things, and then other shit delayed things, but truth is, he's been bragging about asking you for a while now." Axel answered for Demyx, since Demy was blushing too much to answer me himself.

"Demy….was waiting? All along?" I asked and Demy nodded.

"I just wanted a time where we both felt ready." Demyx shrugged.

"I remember when he told us which restaurant he wanted to ask you at. I think that was the same day we all went to the movies and you fell asleep on him inside the theatre." Roxas chuckled and I could feel my cheeks turning red. That was back when we first started hanging out.

"Demy…loved me all along?" I don't know why I was asking, but it just felt appropriate. I couldn't get over the fact that he's been waiting for me all this time. I wanted to kill myself for making myself think such bad thoughts of him when I cut. I wanted to apologize, but I didn't want to explain, or reveal my secret.

"Of course." Demyx smiled shyly and I did as well.

"Zex, he's been madly in love with you since you two met." Axel said, sitting on the couch next to me.

"Yeah, I remember at the beginning, every time you went home, the three of us would hang out and all he would talk about was how cute you are or how sweet you are or how much he wanted to hear your voice or see your smile." Roxas said and I looked to Demyx, who looked away, his face smiling, yet his eyes tired.

"Remember the day Zexion fell asleep on his shoulder at the movies? Man, I remember how Demyx would not shut the fuck up about how cute you looked asleep." Axel laughed and Demyx let out a small laugh as well.

"Ok, ok, he gets the idea." Demyx's cheeks turned beet red.

"Honestly Dem, I think he should hear all of it. He wants to feel loved and special, like we all do. He should know just how much you love him." Axel said and I nodded. I found these stories to be the pick-me-up I needed.

"Then maybe you should mention the time he smiled in the hospital." Demyx coughed lightly and Roxas raised his hand.

"OH, I remember! Demyx spent the entire car ride back to Axel's house bragging about how proud he was, and saying how your smile was the cure he needed, and saying that your smile belongs to him."

I looked to Demyx, in shock. "Cure?" All along, I thought it was the other way around. He was the cure I needed.

Demyx nodded. "I knew that things were going to get rough, because of my memories of my dad, but when you smiled, it was the hope I needed."

"If you want to talk about hope, talk about the day Zexion talked." Roxas smirked, which is where Axel cut in.

"I'll handle this one." Axel cleared his throat. "So, when I drove these two home… OH. My. GOD! Demyx was acting like a five year old on a sugar rush!" I started laughing and Axel did too. "No joke! You think I'm the hyper loud one? He was bouncing, literally, bouncing in the front seat, babbling on and on and on about how your first word, was his name." I let my red cheeks show as I smiled. I looked to Demyx, who was smiling so big and so shyly, he looked away.

"Yeah, he rubbed that in the entire drive, bragging about how special he is, and how much you love him. And at the same time, he couldn't stop reminding us of how proud he of you was." Roxas added and I let my head rest on Demyx's shoulder.

Those stories…I know they're real, yet they also sounded too good to be true. It's stories like those that make you realize how wanted you are in someone's life, and how lucky you are.

"I love you Demy." I put my arms around his middle, desperate for his warmth.

"I love you too Zex." Demyx held me back and I inhaled his scent, his comfort, and his love.

"You two are seriously, the cutest fucking thing I've ever seen." Axel smiled, which made me smile so big, I hid my face in Demyx's neck.

"Awww, he's hiding." Roxas chuckled.

"Hey, no hiding baby. I want to see it when you smile." Demyx pushed my body back so he could cup my face.

"Kiss?" I asked and Demyx nodded before he gave my lips a simple yet necessary peck.

"Alright Demyx, are you ready?" Aerith said, standing up just before Demyx let go of me to stand up as well.

"No!" I couldn't believe that he was leaving so easily, and it was hardly noon.

"I'll be right back." Demyx smiled at me.

"We have to go to the store real quick. Axel's….Roxas is in charge." Aerith said and Axel growled.

"Hey! You were going to say my name!" Axel crossed his arms, even as Aerith and Demyx left.

"You're too immature!" Roxas playfully pushed on Axel's chest.

"And you love every bit of it." Axel grinned.

"That I do." Roxas kissed Axel's cheek.

"So, Zexy, how's it feel? You're finally with Demyx." Axel rested his hands behind his head.

I inhaled big before I let out a sigh of relief.

"Feels….like home." I smiled and Axel nodded.

"Welcome home."

* * *

><p><strong><span>Author's Note<span>: Wow, ok, I don't think I've ever took so long to update! I didn't have internet for a week, so I finally went to a café so I can post this! I'm on break from college and I haven't been able to get internet, so I'll try to go again to the café before I have to go back to college, so that you don't have to wait so long to read the update.**

**BUT OMG! Demyx and Zexion are finally together! Any predictions for the relationship? O.o Trust me, just because they are officially together does not mean that this story is anywhere near over. Buckle down, and get ready!**

**Congrats to THE LONELY BLITZ! For being the 200th reviewer! You'll get a special shout out in my upcoming story, so stay tuned for that!**

**Whoever is the 300th reviewer will also get a special mention/prize in my Axel X Riku story!**

**Thank you to everyone who wished me luck on my exams/classes! I got all A's! so I'm happy and ready to get back to writing lol.**

To KidaKama: I completely agree. I was fine with him as Cedric, but he just looks so ugly as Edward! Awww, I'm glad you liked chapter 18. Hopefully you liked chapter 19 as well ^_^ Also, I'm going to try to start posting your story within the next week. I don't like posting multiple stories at once, but this story will be too long to make you wait for it to end lol.

To Cirxe145: Hahaha, yes, I had Roxas do that with Reno and Rude. I love writing as 1st person, but it makes it awfully difficult to learn about other characters. Basically, I can only let you the reader know what Zexion can hear and see, so it complicates the more 'secretive' scenes that I love including. Faking sleep is the easiest solution. I'll probably do it for every story/scene that I need if I need it lol. Yes, I'm working on the sequel. It'll be short, but hopefully I'll start posting it soon. Sorry its taken so long, its hard for me to go back to old stories when I'm already in the mindset for something else that has a completely different plot-line and characters.

To Shadowridge: I'm not too big a fan of Aqua, but I didn't really like BBS that much. She'll pop up again though, so stay tuned!

To BuddyFaith: I'm glad that you liked the fluff! I'm glad that you liked 'die santa'. Here's a little inside scoop: I get ALL of Demyx's lines when he talks in his sleep from my roommate! So if they come off as random or weird, they're all based on what I hear her say in her sleep ^_^ yay for random factoids lol.

To RoxasVentusHikari: Yeah, chapter 18 was a lot of progress, so now chapter 19 is started to wrap it all up. Sorry I didn't update soon. No internet, had some rough moments with 'friends', and its just been an overall not so great time. Hopefully you like this chapter though! Hahaha, I'll make sure to include you in the bonus prize somehow! Aim for reviewer 300!

To ZeltaFrost: I love Akuroku, Soriku, and cleon! I just cant get enough of any of them. Now Demyx and Zexion are closer than ever before! Yay for happiness! You haven't heard of necking? Hmm, well I think its adorable, so I had to add it in here lol. No I have not talked about the why of anything just yet. You didn't miss out on it, so don't panic. It will all be revealed in due time ^_^ Terra will be mentioned in this story, but with no relation to Aqua. In fact, his role is extremely brief, but will also be explained as to why its important. As for Ventus, I haven't had a need for him yet, but if I need another character, I'll see if he fits. Thank you for the nice review!

To KingdomKuroGeass: hahaha, yay! I'm glad that you found it to be cute! Thank you so much! I'm happy to hear that you enjoy reading my work. I love reading such wonderful reviews, so thank you.

To the Lone Wielder: Aww, thank you! You are nice ^_^

To The Lonely Blitz: CONGRATS 200th Reviewer! I'm happy to hear that you found chapter 18 to be heartwarming! Your 'prize' for being the 200th reviewer will be revealed in a story that I will upload soon, which is an Axel X Riku (at the request of the 100th reviewer). It's not a one shot, so your 'prize' is not going to be in the first few chapters, so you'll have to read it to find it ;) hope this isn't an inconvenience lol.

To Jet: YAY! I'm glad that the cliff hanger wasn't just pure torture, but was actually worth it lol. Hahahaha, awww, yeah I felt so bad for Dem. Don't worry, you'll hear more about his past in future chapters. I know! I love the idea of them snuggled in bed together, so I just had to add it in here lol. Hahaha, I love the emphasis on the kiss part….i hope this chapter helped ;)

To AoiZora: hahaha no, you hit my thoughts dead on! I think we do think alike, and I'm glad to hear that there is someone out there who is getting the message exactly as I'm trying to put it out there! It makes me happy ^_^ Exactly….damn this is so amazing! I love how your thoughts are pretty much identical to mine. If Demyx cant hang on, then will Zexion be able to move on? Demyx needs Zexion for his foundation to be strong, but Zexion needs Demyx so he can survive. Trust me, this issue will be brought up in future chapters.

To kindofabadger: hahaha, yes, your welcome. Yes! That is why Demyx was so scared and worried. There is a reason lol. Hahaha, awwww, I'm so happy that you loved my little fluff scene! The necking was one of my favorites, and the snuggling in bed was just too cute to pass up. Haha cuteness overload? I'll have to top it soon!

To Luckless-is-me: I have to say, that your review really made my day! Seriously, when I read it, I was blown away by how sweet and touching it really is. Thank you sooo much! I hope you continue to read and review! Writing all the dark scenes is a challenge, because some of them hit close to home. It's a bit overwhelming at times, but I hope that someone out there can be influenced by this. Personally, I love writing humor scenes, so for me, it's a way for me not to get lost in the tragedy, and its to help the reader understand that not everything in life is tragic drama. There is humor in anything if you're willing to find it/point it out. Hahaha, I loved reading about the wanting to cry, smile, and cursing and your computer! I'm glad that I can get such diverse reactions with this story. I am so honored to be considered to have written one of the best stories you've ever read. Thank you so much for that kind remark. I'm glad that you liked the personalities of the characters. Axel's is very natural to me, and I relate a lot to Roxas so his is easy for me too. Demyx is a bit of a challenge given his past and Zexion's character is based off of someone I know, so its very challenging for me not to get emotionally involved sometimes. I'm glad that you find them to be 'spot on' and fitting. I am so happy to hear such wonderful feedback. Yes, Zexion's ticklish-ness will come up again, as Axel's skill at math and science, Demyx's competence, and Roxas as being a rock even when it isn't completely obvious. I have to admit that when I read your review concerning their characteristics, I was overwhelmed with joy. I am so glad that you noticed all the stuff about the details, especially about Roxas! He is such a vital character even though he doesn't appear much. There will be more characters introduced, including one OC, and some 'minor' characters from previous chapters will be brought back, so please keep an eye out ;) Aww, I cant believe that you were willing to lose sleep to review! I am so completely out of words at how amazing that makes me feel! Thank you so much! I hope that this story can continue to uplift and encourage you in any way that it needs to =) thanks for the review!

To AkixYusei: Aww, I hope that this chapter was just as squeal-bringing lol. I'm glad to hear that you loved it. Thank you for reviewing.

To LyingOpheliac: hahaha, yes, they do need big hugs! I hope that you liked this last chapter!

To keyblademaster13: Awww, thank you! I'm glad that you like my style of writing. I try to make my stories as realistic as I could, which does make it a bit more challenging because I question a lot that I write, so that it follows the realism that I have already created. Hahaha, yes, I do play the games a lot, well at least I used to before college, back when I had the time. But I do consider myself a true fangirl of Kingdom Hearts, and I love everything about it and know enough to write countless stories on them! I'm glad that it reflects in my stories ^_^ Oooh, those are tough questions. I love Sora, Axel, Riku, and Leon. I love Sora for his optimism and dedication (and much more, but I'll keep it brief for all the characters), Axel for his commitment to Roxas even though it cost him his life (can't emphasize enough how touching it is, yes, I cry every time I play KH2 and he dies) Riku for his relate-ability to being imperfect, but his inner strength. And I love Leon for his leadership, courage, and strength (inner and muscular lol). I also find it easy to relate to Roxas, so I love him as well. Of course I love Demyx because I have ADD and I play the guitar, so he's a lot like me. Inspiration for this story…it's a bit of both of your guesses. The day I posted about Zexion first cutting marked the 1 year anniversary its been for me. Some scenes are pretty relatable for me, but more than anything, they're based off of someone who I used to be very close to. He's struggling a lot with life, just as Zexion is, but he doesn't even have a Demyx, or an Axel, or a Roxas. I've tried to be a little of each in his life, but he's slowly distanced himself from everyone. It is one of the scariest things, to try to reach out to someone and to slowly watch them slip beyond communication. I'm working with some of his other friends to try to contact him to make sure he's ok, so hopefully I'll hear from him soon. I'll never give up on him, even if he gives up. It is really hard to write about this knowing that my 'zexion' very well could be falling further and further with each day. But I write for him, even though he doesn't know, and I write for anyone who may be struggling like he is. Thank you for asking, and thank you for understanding.

To Alice: hahaha, yeah Demyx's dad is a sad topic, but it will come up again to explain more. About Aqua: yes, she will come up more, so just hang in there lol. For the sleeping scenes: hehehehe, I know! They really are just too cute, huh? Oh. My. God! I cant believe that your mom read my chapter lol. Hahahaha, if my mom knew I wrote yaoi, she'd kill me. I hope your mom isn't a homophobe like mine lol.

To ForeverUke: Hey girl, I hope you're doing ok! Thank you, you are too sweet. I hope things start looking up for you soon. Aww, that is too sweet! Haha, I cant help the cliff hangers lol!

To camcamgorawraw: aww, well I'm glad that you reviewed! Haha, thanks! I hope I'm fun to chill with lol. I do my best lol. Thank you for reviewing!

**Thank you everyone for reading and for reviewing! Yay for Demyx dating Zexion! Keep an eye out for my Axel X Riku which I'll be posting within the next week, and don't forget to read my akuroku No More Broken Promises, cause I'm working on the sequel! Please be patient, as I'm trying to focus on this story and don't have much time to dedicate to my others!**

**Heart, Sarabellum**


	20. Why do I still have to hurt

While Roxas, Axel, and I waited for Demyx and Aerith to return from wherever it was that they went, I felt tired.

I was so happy, but just thinking about how badly I let them all down by cutting made me want to cut again.

I fidgeted uneasily on the couch, feeling like shit. Why did I have to cut? Why did I have to ruin this perfect day by just thinking about it?

"Zex? You ok?" Axel asked me and I nodded pathetically.

Why? Why did I feel so shitty? Part of me knew that it was because I cut, but then I smiled when I realized why I felt so lonely.

"Zexion? What's wrong?" Roxas asked, so I turned to him with my honest smile.

"I miss Demy."

I wanted his warm, soft hands. I was craving his cute loving voice, but more than anything, I just wanted his presence. He gives off this aura that acts like a magnet and it's a strong one.

Axel smiled at me. "I'm sure he misses you too Zex."

"They should be back soon." Roxas groaned, looking bored.

"Roxas, book?" I asked, remembering how Roxas started a book that I was very anxious to read.

"What book? For our English class?" Roxas asked, but I shook my head.

"No, the book Roxas writing." I said and Roxas nodded.

"Oh yeah, that. It's going pretty good, but I still have a long way to go." Roxas sighed.

"Writing isn't an easy project." Axel said. "Not like I would know."

"Axe, numbers, like me." I said and Axel nodded.

"They just make so much sense to me. Numbers are so precise, and they don't change on you."

"Words don't change." Roxas argued but Axel shook his head.

"You know what I mean?" Axel asked me and I nodded.

"Numbers are certain. Stable."

"Stable? So, you mean, not like Axel in chemistry?" Roxas joked and we all laughed.

"Hey, laugh now, but you won't be laughing when I set the high score for our next exam."

"I believe that's Zexion's job." Roxas smiled and I smiled along. True, I needed Demyx, but having these two as friend's means a lot to me.

"We'll see." Axel grinned at me and I nodded.

"It's on." I blushed.

"Oh, Zexion, shit talking? This will be very interesting." Axel raised an eyebrow.

"Axe, baseball?" I asked and Axel shrugged.

"We'll see. I have try-outs soon. I'm pretty sure I'll make it. I used to play all the time when I was little, so I have experience."

"He's just perfect." Roxas took Axel's hand before Axel kissed his temple.

"Thank you baby. I try to be my best for the very best." Axel smiled and Roxas blushed.

"Thank you Axe." Roxas leaned into his boyfriends arm.

"Aww, you two cute." I smiled and Axel kissed Roxas' head again as he rubbed his side.

"Thanks Zex. I'm really happy to see you and Demyx finally together. He's been waiting since you two met to ask you. I know just how much he cares about you."

"Demy is perfect." I smiled, thinking about his sweet face and angelic eyes.

"He deserves the best, just like you." Roxas said and I could feel my smile fading. I wasn't the best. Hell, I was so far from it, I didn't even deserve to be in the same room as him. I placed my hand over my thigh, my eyes aching at the reminder of my failure.

Why? Why did I have to cut? Why do I still have to hurt?

"Zex? You ok?" Axel asked and I inhaled deeply, nodding.

"Yeah." I lied. "I just miss Demy." I said, wanting my boyfriend so damn bad. "Want my boyfriend." I said, loving the taste of the word boyfriend as it fell off my tongue, hating the fact that I didn't deserve it.

"Aww, don't worry, your boyfriend will be here soon." Roxas encouraged me.

After ten minutes of listening to Roxas fail complain about homework and Axel's bragging, Aerith's front door opened.

"We're home." Aerith came in smiling.

"Demy!" I sprang up and ran up to him.

"Hey Zex!" Demyx held me and spun us around in small circles. "I missed you." He smiled.

"Aww, he said he missed you too." Axel said and I blushed.

How does he make me feel so complete? What is it about him that makes me feel so appreciated and loved?

"Alright, who's ready for desert?" Aerith asked and Roxas stood up with a strange curiousness about him.

"Desert? We haven't had dinner yet? We haven't even had lunch?"

"Today is a special day Rox." Demyx said as he looked at me. Damn him and his cuteness for making me go red in the face.

"Desert at noon? Don't question!" Axel rushed to help Aerith unpack the groceries.

We all ate cake and crammed cookies until we couldn't move off the couch.

"I'm stuffed." Roxas burped.

"Nap time." Axel closed his eyes.

"Hehe, goodnight Zex." Demyx used my shoulder as a pillow, so I used his head as mine.

"Whoever helps me clean up first can have the last of the cake." Aerith said and before we could groan, Axel shot up.

"Where are the dishes?" Axel volunteered while I snuggled up to Demyx.

The next few hours passed without my knowledge. All I knew was that I was with Demyx, and I was happy.

"Aerith? Can we take Zexion with us?" Axel asked as he, Roxas, and Demyx prepared to leave for the night.

Aerith looked to me and I nodded quickly with an eager smile.

"I'm not sure." She thought, but I begged.

"Please Aerith? Want to go with friends." I gave my best most innocent smile.

"He asked in a sentence." Roxas vouched for me.

"He's only been with me for a couple weeks. It may be too soon."

"We'll keep an eye on him. You know we wouldn't let him do anything he shouldn't." Demyx took my hand as Aerith shook her head with a smile.

"Alright, but I want constant text updates as to what you four are doing, you hear? He is not to go anywhere alone, except for the bathroom. I want the four of you together constantly. I expect a call when you get to Axel's house, in the morning, and before you drop him off here. Understood?"

"Yes ma'am!" Demyx, Roxas, Axel, and I all saluted her before I ran to my room to pack. I took a couple changes of clothes, my toothbrush, and other simple necessities.

"Bye Aerith! Thank you!" I hugged her as I ran out the door after my friends.

"Bye! Be careful!" She yelled before I got in the backseat of Axel's car, next to Demyx.

"Woo-hoo! You're free!" Axel hollered as he drove off.

"It's not like Aerith has him locked up." Roxas shook his head.

"Still, the poor guy deserves some fun, right Zex?" Axel turned to look at me and I nodded.

"Right."

"Just keep your eyes on the road and we'll all be alright." Demyx laughed and we all chuckled.

When we got to Axel's house, I couldn't stop smiling. I felt so happy to have the ability to hang out with them and not feel like I was completely being babysat.

I felt normal, like I was an average teen just hanging out with his friends.

"Parents?" I asked and Axel shook his head.

"They work so much, they each live in a different city. I pretty much own the place." Axel shrugged and I couldn't resist how wide my eyes went.

"Lucky." I coughed and Roxas nodded.

"It's a pretty nice place. Three rooms, a constantly full fridge, and no adults." Roxas grinned and I nodded.

"I'm practically an adult!" Axel put his hands on his hips and we all laughed at him.

"I'm surprised you haven't burnt the place down by now." Demyx laughed and Axel rolled his eyes.

"Whatever. I'll call Aerith to let her know that we didn't die on our way here. Dem, show him your room so he can put his shit down." Axel said and Demyx nodded, offering me his hand, which I gladly took.

"Your room?" I asked and Demyx shrugged.

"I stay here so often, I have my own room. Come on, in here." Demyx guided me inside a nice sized room with a big bed, a dresser, and a nightstand. The walls were painted baby blue and he had a small fish-tank with a single goldfish. I placed my backpack on his bed and kicked off my shoes before I walked up to the fish-tank.

"Fishy!" I pointed and smiled, like a three year old.

"Hehe, how did you know his name?" Demyx walked up to me, crossing his arms.

"Name, fishy?" I asked. Demyx really is adorable like a child, sometimes too much like a child.

"Yeah. I didn't know what else to name him." Demyx shrugged and I giggled.

"Demy so cute." I smiled and he put his arms loosely around my hips.

"You're perfect, you know that?" he held me from behind and I swayed from side to side.

"I love you Demy." I smiled up at him.

"I love you too." He squeezed me and then let me go, once again extending his hand towards me. I took it as we walked back to the living room.

We spent the evening playing video games and eating pizza, which was the stereotypical teenage life that I always wanted.

"Cheater!" Roxas shouted as Axel knocked the controller out of the blondes hand so he could win.

"It's called strategic thinking." Axel stuck his tongue out. I was already in last place, so I decided to steal Axel's controller. "Hey! You little cheater." Axel reached for me across the couch, over Roxas.

"Help!" I scooted into Demyx's lap as he put his arms around me and gave Axel his back.

"I see how it is. Mutiny eh?" Axel stood up with his hands on his hips. Roxas stood up slowly behind Axel, and since Axel couldn't see him, Roxas poked his sides in a ticklish spot. "What the?" Axel whipped around to see his boyfriend running away. "Why you," Axel started before he took off after Roxas.

"Hehe, they're so cute." Demyx put his chin on my shoulder. "I'm glad that I have my cutie pie now." Demyx squeezed me and I turned to kiss him quickly on the lips.

"Zexy, happy to have Demy." I smiled and Demyx did too.

"Me too baby. I'm so happy to finally be able to call you mine." Demyx held me tightly and I knew that this was where I was meant to be, in his arms, with his love. I smiled so big, I had to close my eyes. I was happy. I was at peace. I didn't think it was possible, but, I didn't need drugs to get there. Demyx really is all I need.

"You two look comfortable." Roxas said as he and Axel came back into the living room, holding hands.

"I'm ready to fall asleep." Demyx giggled, kissing my neck since his lips were already so close. I leaned my body back, resting on his chest as I sighed further into relaxation.

"You can't fall asleep yet! We still have to finish our race." Axel restarted the racing game as we picked up where we left off. I stayed in Demyx's lap, sitting between his legs, failing miserably. Video games really aren't my thing, since I'm more of a PC person, and even then, I don't play video games recreationally. Demyx was pretty good, and Axel was very competitive, but Roxas seemed like most teenage boys, completely obsessed. Roxas won just about everything, with Demyx and Axel constantly alternating between second or third, while I accepted last place for everything.

After just a few hours of playing the all the games Axel had, we were running out of ideas for entertainment.

"So…now what?" Axel asked, clearly bored.

"I don't know." Roxas let his controller drop to the floor.

"We could go see a movie?" Demyx suggest.

"There's nothing good out." Axel complained.

"Well what else are we going to do?" Roxas laid on his back lazily.

"Normally do?" I asked, wondering what these three did for fun as normal teens when they weren't restricted because of me.

"Sometimes we just stay here and play video games; sometimes we go to a movie, sometimes we go out to eat," Demyx started listing ideas.

"Sometimes we," Axel started, but then he stopped.

"We what?" Roxas asked anxiously.

"I'm not sure if I should say. This is the one thing that Demyx could very well love more than Zexion. It may be too soon for them considering they just started dating."

"There is nothing and no one that I love more than Zexion." Demyx said sternly. I felt myself blush as I kissed his cheek.

"I've got three letters for you: DDR." Axel had just barely finished when Demyx dropped me and ran up to Axel.

"Dance Dance Revolution?" Demyx folded his hands as he begged Axel, who nodded.

"Don't take it personal Zex. Axel has a lighter that he loves more than me." Roxas rolled his eyes.

"I do not!" Axel said, going into a spacious closet.

"I will always love Zexy most. Sorry I ran." Demyx hugged me and I shrugged.

"It's ok." I smiled up at him. Truth is, I wouldn't mind watching his ass dance.

"Alright here it is." Axel came out of the closet and I started laughing. "What's so funny?" Axel asked, holding up two giant pads with colored arrows on them.

"Axel came out of closet." I pointed at him and Demyx and Roxas started laughing.

"Hahaha, that doesn't surprise me." Demyx giggled.

"Well I'd hope not!" Roxas protested.

"Go ahead and laugh all you want, but you won't be laughing once we start playing." Axel set down the pads and turned on the TV.

"Ok who's going first?" Roxas eyed the game with excitement.

"I think we should let them go first." Axel looked to Demyx.

"Don't know how." I said, embarrassed.

"You don't know how to play DDR?" Demyx asked me in shock. I shook my head.

"That could be a deal breaker." Axel looked scared.

"It is not!" Demyx put his hands on his hips.

"Not good at video games." I winced, although they already knew that considering that they just watched me lose everything we played.

"Well once you watch Demyx and I play you'll be too scared to play." Axel grinned.

"Its super easy. You just step on the arrow at the same time that it matches the arrows on the screen." Demyx smiled at me. "Think you got it?" Demyx asked and I nodded with a smaller worried look on my face.

"Great. Just follow what Roxas is doing." Axel said as he started the game.

Roxas and I stood on the dance pads, waiting for Axel to choose our song while I flashed a nervous smile at Demyx.

"You got this Zex!" Demyx gave me two thumbs up, setting my level on beginner while Roxas went on easy.

"Come on Rox, make me proud." Axel hollered as he started our song and sat next to Demyx on the couch.

"Oh, god, this song?" Roxas asked as the music started.

"It's easy, for Zexion's first time." Axel said as I gulped. It was a song titled That's what you get, but I'm not much of a music person, so I didn't expect to know any of these songs.

The arrows started moving and my eyes widened as I panicked.

"Step left Zex! No not now! Right….now!" Demyx tried to help me, but I failed miserably.

"Zex, right. Back, forward, forward, now left." Axel tried to coach me but I missed every single arrow. After missing about thirty of those little fuckers, I gave up. I hung my head low and turned around to leave.

"Wait, wait, wait, don't give up." Demyx stood up and stopped me.

"I can't play." I felt like such a failure. Demyx loves music and dancing, and to not even have a small possibility to survive in either talent, I felt like I was disappointing him. "I sorry." I frowned.

"For what?"

"I can't do it." I repeated, but Demyx shook his head.

"I couldn't do it for the longest time. It takes a bunch of practice."

"Yeah, I play this all the time with Axel, and I can hardly do easy." Roxas cheered me up.

"I have no rhythm." I said, knowing that Demyx couldn't possibly lie in saying that he doesn't have any either.

"It takes time. Would you like me to help?" Demyx asked and I sighed with a nod.

"Kay."

"Alright, Axe, start it over." Demyx stepped on the pad with me. "Ok, follow me, ok?" Demyx stood right behind me, his hands on my hips as the arrows slowly started.

"Left, back, front, front," Demyx walked through each arrow with me. I failed to keep up on most of them, but Demyx's hands helped my body adjust to the timing. The song finished and of course we got a perfect score, which was all Demyx.

"We did it!" Demyx high fived me, but I barely tapped his hand. "Baby, what's wrong?"

"Demy did it." I said, but Demyx shook his head.

"We do everything together now, ok?" he smiled and I nodded.

"Kay." I tried to smile.

"You want to play again?" Axel asked but I shook my head.

"Can I watch Demy?" I asked and Demyx nodded.

"Sure. Axe, put it on expert." Demyx stretched his arms, his neck, and his legs.

"Zexion, you're dating a pro." Roxas said as he stepped off the pad. "Go ahead Axe."

"Thanks." Axel set his level on hard and stood next to Demyx.

"I love this game!" Demyx lifted his hands in the air from excitement.

"You ready?" Axel asked as he chose a song titled, Every time we touch.

"That's like the hardest one." Roxas informed me.

"Go Demy!" I cheered

"I'd like to dedicate this song to Zexion!" Demyx shouted and blew me a quick kiss before a million arrows attacked his screen.

"Aww, how cute." Axel stuck his tongue out as he started moving accordingly.

"Damn." I stared in awe at how quickly Demyx moved to hit each arrow at the perfect time.

"Yeah, he's pro." Roxas said as Demyx started a 'perfect streak'.

"Hey, what about me?" Axel asked as he tried to keep up.

"You got this Axe!" Roxas cheered.

"Dem, you ready?" Axel took his eyes off the TV for a brief second to look at Demyx.

"Yeah, on three." Demyx gasped.

"Two, three!" Axel and Demyx switched dancing pads and started playing for the other.

"Ready?"

"Three!" Axel shouted again and they switched once more.

"Damn." I repeated, extremely impressed by their skill.

"What'd you think?" Axel asked me and I nodded. Demyx turned to face me, his hands on his hips as he panted.

"Solves my energy overload." Demyx smiled and I gave him a thumbs up.

"Good job Dem." I said and he bowed.

He and Axel played for a while, and Roxas jumped in for a few songs here and there, while I cheered them on.

"It's too hot!" Demyx fanned himself.

"No, just Demy." I blushed and Demyx turned red with a shy smile.

"Aww, they are so cute when they are so cute." Roxas laughed.

"What does that even mean?" Axel asked with a chuckle.

"You know, like, they are so adorable cause they blush whenever they have a cute moment."

"That they are." Axel grinned and I cleared my throat.

"So," I tried to change the subject.

"I think Demyx is right. It's so hot in here." Axel took off his shirt.

"Whoa, hey there." Demyx covered his eyes, then laughed.

"Oh I'm sorry, am I so sexy that it blinds you?" Axel rubbed his chest.

"God Axe." Roxas shook his head.

"It's all yours Rox, no need to worry." Axel smirked.

"Are you going to play or not?" Demyx asked, wiping his brow.

"Yeah yeah, I'm in for another round. Feel free to join me in the realm of shirtlessness. It's so invigorating." Axel stretched.

Demyx shrugged. "Maybe after this song."

I frowned, and Roxas laughed.

"What?" Axel turned around, just in time to pause the game before the song officially started.

"Zexion's all disappointed because Demyx won't take his shirt off."

I sat up straight and shook my head.

"What?" Demyx asked and I gulped.

"When you said 'maybe', he frowned." Roxas explained and Demyx shook his head.

"All you had to do was ask." Demyx stripped of his shirt as I swallowed hard, eyes glued to his abs.

"Zexy like, eh?" Axel joked and I blushed.

"Demy really hot." I said and Demyx coughed.

"T-th-thank you." Demyx turned a bright red.

"Alright let's just dance, no need to get all mushy." Axel started the song before the two started dancing. I couldn't take my eyes off of Demyx's ass as it moved swiftly yet elegantly behind his skinny jeans that hung low on his soft hips. I wanted to die, it was like gazing straight into pure perfection. I caught myself on the verge of drooling as Demyx continuously had to pull up his pants between songs before the slipped down his sweating body.

After a few more songs, they were ready to turn the game off.

"Damn, I'm tired." Demyx posed, hands on hips, chest covered with a light, fresh coat of sweat.

"You did really good Demy." I smiled at him. I seriously did not know how I managed to get a boyfriend who could easily be a model.

"Thank you baby. I loved that full sentence by the way." Demyx blushed at me, so I stood up with my arms out.

"Hug?"

"Oh, uh, I'm all sweaty." Demyx grabbed his shirt to clean his face and his chest.

"Don't care." I smiled, walking up into his open arms. To be honest, whether his body was wet from the pool or by sweat, I still found it hot.

"Zexion's got a sweat fetish!" Axel laughed.

"Do not!" I argued back.

"Uh-huh, sure." Axel winked.

"I have a Demy fetish." I blushed before I hid my face in Demyx's chest. Demyx laughed, his tummy vibrating against my body.

"I have a Zexy fetish too. A very sexy, Zexy, fetish." Demyx kissed my cheek.

"Eewww! Public display of affection!" Axel pointed at Demyx and me before he tackled Roxas for a hug.

"Ah! Haha, Axel, stop!" Roxas fidgeted as Axel pinned him down for a kiss.

"Oh, that reminds me." Demyx turned to me, his face serious.

"Yes?" I asked, wondering what it could be to calm him down so.

"You, my sweet, wonderful boyfriend, are ticklish." Demyx grinned before he attacked my body with his fingers.

"No! Demy! Demy stop, please!" I laughed frantically, trying to wriggle myself free from his grasp.

"Hey Dem?" Axel called, letting go of Roxas, thankfully causing Demyx to let go of me.

"Yeah?" Demyx asked, still smiling even though Axel's calm tone relaxed us all.

"How'd we get so lucky?" Axel asked, looking at Roxas.

I made eye contact with Demyx, smiling.

"I really don't know." Demyx smiled back, making me feel so incredibly blessed.

"I love you Demy." I said quietly, my heart pounding as his eyes sparkled with a smile.

"I love you too Zex." Demyx put a hand on my cheek.

"Thanks Axe, you're the best I could ever hope for." Roxas stood up and hugged his boyfriend. "Although, you should shower. You're super sweaty." Roxas pushed Axel away.

"Isn't it enticing? Doesn't it just turn you on?" Axel asked and Roxas rolled his eyes.

"Go shower, dirty boy." Roxas winked and Axel made a low growl.

"You two are so weird." Demyx laughed as Axel left to shower. "I'm going to shower too, I'll be out soon." Demyx left me with Roxas as we watched TV to burn time.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note: Here's another chapter! I hope it was cute and full of enough fluff to make up for my lack of updates. I'm trying to catch up with a lot of stuff, so thank you for all of your patience!<strong>

**STORY UPDATES:**

**PLEASE READ my newest AKUROKU, CAN YOU KEEP MY SECRET. I wrote it for ALL of my reviewers of this story! I have just the small intro chapter up, and I will be updating it inbetween my updates for this story! Also, if you read my story, NO MORE BROKEN PROMISES, I will be posting the first chapter of the sequel soon! So if you haven't read that Akuroku, now's your chance! I also have three "new" one shots that are consecutive sequels to another, featuring Akuroku, Zemyx, and Soriku, beginning with the Akuroku, A Thorough Examination. Please read and review ****^_^**

To Lukrecia: Aww, I'm glad that you liked it! Thank you for reviewing!

To Alice: O.o ….that is the most awesomest review/news EVER! I love your mom! That is awesome, that's the kind of mom I would be lol. If she likes this story, you should let her know that my akuroku A Far Off Memory is a good set-up (prequel) for a similar Zexmy to this one, that is called A Scattered Dream. Also, she might like the drama/angst of No More Broken Promises, but that one is super heavy (tons of cussing, violence, rape, sex, etc.). I'd start with A Far Off Memory and then A Scattered Dream. When I have more of my akuroku Can You Keep My Secret, I think she'd like that one as well! Please let me know if she reads any of them, and what she thinks, even if its brutal honesty. I'm curious and it made my day to read your review! I'm glad that evoked enough emotion to almost make you cry, and please inform your mom that this is far from over ;) Can't wait to hear from you again!

To AoiZora: Awww, don't die! Hehe. I love making Axel immature, because it keeps things light and fun lol. Personally, yes, I think he's being a bit clingy, but it will continue to unfold more information about his and Demyx's past! Yay for sweetness!

To KingdomKuroGeass: Oh goodness, no, absolutely not! I LOVE getting reviews. When I get the emails on my phone that I got a review, I smile and read it and oogle at my phone like an idiot until my roommate glares at me funny for being so pathetically addicted to fanfiction lol. Please, by all means, review as much as you can/want to ^_^ YAY! I love fangirling! I want to fangirl over your review! Lol, no joke! Aww, that is so sweet! I am so happy to hear that you like this story! Yes, thank you for that anti-writer block blessing.

To Kindofabadger: aww, that was cute! I love how you loved the last chapter ^_^ hahahaha, you know me too well ;) You've read a lot of my stories so faithfully, so it doesn't surprise me lol. Just enjoy the cute for now, cause I will let it settle before….. ;) Yes, the akuriku fic is up and it will be updated as soon as I can manage to do so! Thank you for reading and reviewing everything! You are so awesome ^_^

To Shadowridge: maybe something good will happen, maybe something bad, you have to keep reading to find out! As long as you don't give up, it'll be alright. Yes, it is an awesome show! Lol, she'll be coming a bit more in the story, but not a whole lot.

To Cirxe145: Hahaha, I hope it's the story, and not the concussion! I'm glad that you liked it, and I hope that you feel better soon.

To AkixYusei: Aww, yay for smiles! I hope that the wait wasn't too bad .

To ZeltaFrost: Hahaha, I love your reaction about them finally being together. Yes! I love happy good chapters! Smiles all around! Oh…about Tera…..dont…..dont get your hopes up . I'm going to leave it at that, I'm SO SORRY! College and writing doesn't work well, especially with homework lol. Aww, thanks, love you too! *hugs back*

To KidaKama: Hahaha, oh god, that is so gross lol. Awww, WOO! Congrats! Lol. That's so cute! I hope that you like the start of your akuriku, and I'll try to update it as often as I can. It's going to have some twist scenes that I originally didn't plan, which means that I have a lot of work to do to fit it in :P I hate how I always come up with these random twists and scenes. Trust me, I often don't plan half of the stuff you read . lol maybe I shouldn't share that hahaha jk.

To IllMaryZemyx: I love your name! And I love how you love my story! Thank you for the review! Thank you for your opinions, and trust me, I have some tricks up my sleeve! You will hear more about Demyx's dad, about his mom, about Zexions mom and his dad, as well as other characters! Stay tuned!

**Thank you everyone for reading, and don't forget to read Can You Keep My Secret?**

**Heart, Sarabellum**


	21. Whats Left Of Me

"Tired." I yawned with a stretch.

"Me too." Roxas rubbed his eyes.

"I call Aerith goodnight." I said, taking Axel's home phone and dialing Aerith's number.

"Hello?" Aerith said on the other end of the line.

"Hey Aerith." I said.

"Hello Zexion. How are things going?"

"Good." I said.

"That's good to hear. What are you all up to?"

"Pizza and video games." I smiled.

"Sounds like fun. Are you having a good time?"

"Mhm, thanks for letting me." I said, hoping that she'd trust me in the future to let me out more.

"I'm glad that you are enjoying yourself."

"Called to check in."

"Thank you. Alright, well, call me in the morning, ok?"

"OK."

"Goodnight Zexion."

"Night Aerith." I hung up and sighed.

"You ok?" Roxas asked and I nodded. For some reason, all I could think about was the scar on my thigh.

"Bathroom?" I asked and Roxas pointed down the hall. I knew where it was, but I wanted him to know where I was going so that they wouldn't break down the door assuming that I ran off to do something stupid.

I walked into one of the spare the bathrooms and locked the door. I pulled down my pants, staring at the lines across my thigh, wanting so badly to just erase them. Why? Why was I so weak? God. What would Demyx say? Demyx deserves so much better than me. He's been through just as much shit, and he's still so perfect. What's wrong with me?

I can't keep living this way. Even though I'm putting it behind me, it doesn't change the fact that I succumbed to weakness; it doesn't erase my scars. I can be happy and I do love Demyx, but there will always be this hurt that I feel from all the shit I've put myself through. Maybe, maybe there are some scars that never truly heal?

I wanted Demyx happy; I want myself happy, but how can I be when I can't move past this?

How long? How long can I live this way? Will I ever reach a point where I just magically move on and forget everything? Is that even possible? If not, then what? Am I supposed to just ignore all this pain and anger for Demyx's sake? What's worse is that I can't even imagine putting it all aside for my own sake. Demyx really does deserve better than me, and it scares me. How long will it take before he realizes it and I'm back to being my lonely, single, depressed self?

"Zex, you ok?" Demyx knocked on the door so I flushed the empty toilet and pulled up my pants, washing my hands.

"Yeah." I opened the door quickly.

"Just wanted to make sure." Demyx shrugged and offered me his hand. I took it as we walked back to the couch, which was covered with pillows and blankets.

"Night." Axel laid down in a sleeping bag on the floor next to Roxas.

"Goodnight." Roxas huddled up to Axel's body.

I went on the couch with Demyx behind me, both of us facing the same direction, our backs to the wall. Demyx put his arms around me and as everyone fell asleep, I stayed awake, thinking about Demyx. I rested my hands on his, which were on my tummy, wanting so badly to put an end to all of this doubt. I knew that he loved me, and I knew that I loved him. So why was I still feeling like shit? I wanted to tell him about my thigh, but I couldn't dare risk getting my ass shipped off to Xemnas' nut house. I hated living with this secret. It never bothered me before, when I was a silent mute with a life that no one knew about. But now, now that I had friends and a boyfriend, I felt guilty knowing that I had information that they should know about.

Demyx's quick breaths tickled my neck, which made me giggle, which, strangely, only depressed me. Before I knew it, I was sniffling. The idea of how cute he is and how hard we both worked only made me feel like shit when I paired it with the reminder of my thigh. I spent two hours brooding over these dilemma's before I sighed loudly, a few sniffles caught in my throat.

"Hey, you ok?" Axel whispered in the dark.

"Huh? Yeah." I cleared my throat.

"Zex, what's wrong?" Axel sat up and I could roughly see his silhouette before me as I rubbed Demyx's arm that was around me.

"Nothing." I lied, trying to swallow the tears stuck in my throat.

"Come on, let's talk." Axel stood up and walked into his kitchen. I sighed, knowing that Axel was only trying to be a good friend. I had to unclasp Demyx's fingers which were interlocked on my stomach before I replaced my body with a pillow. I tip toed over Roxas and into the kitchen, where Axel was waiting with a small light.

"What's going on?" Axel asked and I shrugged.

"Nothing."

"Zex, I'm not stupid." Axel said and I grew quiet. "You can tell me now or we can sit here." Axel said and I sighed loudly. "If you don't want to tell me you don't have to. Just don't ever make the mistake in thinking that no one cared enough to listen." Axel stood up and I got the impression that he was mad at me.

"Whatever." I sighed, getting mad that he was mad. He's the one who made me get out of bed….well, off the couch.

"You know what," Axel turned around, pointed at me, then shook his head. "Forget it."

"What?" I asked but he shook his head.

"I'm not going to get into this. It's one in the morning and I'm tired." Axel walked back into the living room.

I sighed even louder, wanting so badly to just text Sephiroth. I walked back into the living room, down the hall, and into Demyx's room. I snuck into the dark room, crouched by my backpack, took out my phone, and scrolled to Sephiroth's name.

I was one button away, just one, from happiness. From pure joy and relaxation.

"Who are you calling?" I dropped my phone as I turned around with a heart attack. Axel was standing in the doorway, his arms crossed, his hair up in a messy pony-tail, and his eyes tired.

"N-no-no one." I stuttered.

"You really expect me to believe that."

I hung my head. "Wanted to calm down. Looking at phone helps." I said and I handed my phone to Axel. "I'm sorry."

"Look Zex, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking that I'm butting into your life and your business, but I'm just trying to help. And I know why you were crying too. I can tell by the look on your face that you're conflicted about dating Demyx. You want to be with him, but you're not telling him everything."

I looked at Axel with shock.

"And now by the look on your face, I know that I'm right." Axel smiled and I sighed.

"Don't want him worried." I said and Axel nodded.

"Do you want to tell me?"

I shook my head. "You're Demy's friend. You'll tell." I said and Axel sat down beside me.

"If it's something really serious, then yeah, but only because you might need help. But I'd rather keep a secret from Demyx and Aerith than have you live thinking that you have to keep secrets from the entire world." Axel said and I nodded.

"I messed up, better now." I said and Axel nodded.

"By messed up, do you mean you gave into old habits?" Axel asked and I nodded. "Drugs?" I shook my head. "Cutting?" I didn't nod, but my stillness was a confession. "Zex, is it bad?" Axel asked and I shrugged.

"Little deep, but healed." I said and Axel nodded.

"How long ago?"

"Few days." I said and Axel sighed.

"You sure you're ok Zex?"

"Yeah. Cut cause Demy was mad at me." I said and Axel shrugged.

"When was he mad at you?"

"When Demy not talk to me." I said and Axel nodded.

"I remember. Zex, I feel like if you tell Aerith, she might understand."

"No, don't want to go with Xemnas. Please, don't tell?" I asked and Axel sighed in thought.

"You have to tell someone Zex."

"I'll think about it." I said, knowing that it'll probably keep him happy.

"Zex, that's not enough. You have to tell someone."

"Who?" I asked, not wanting to know who he wanted me to tell.

"Aerith! She has to know." Axel said and I shook my head.

"She take me away."

"It's not my place to tell, but if it happens again," Axel started.

"It won't." I said and he nodded.

"Just remember that Demyx is counting on you, we all are. We love you Zex." Axel patted my back and I nodded.

"Thank you." I smiled and he hugged me.

"Yeah, anytime." Axel rubbed my arm and I sighed.

"I'm trying." I smiled poorly.

"I know you are. Come on, let's get some sleep." Axel helped me up as we returned to the living room.

"Night Axe." I hugged him before I took my spot, moving the pillow so I could lie down. Demyx whimpered before he pulled me into his arms.

"Remember Zex, he loves you." Axel said and I smiled.

"I love you Demy." I whispered before I kissed his nose and snuggled into his chest.

That talk with Axel was what I needed. I didn't want to tell him about my thigh, and I didn't intend on telling Aerith anything, but I felt so relieved to have shared it with someone. Axel always helps me realize things that I need to know when I am too stubborn to let myself face reality.

I woke up to the feeling of Demyx's chest rising and steadily falling beneath my cheek, and I knew that I could survive if I had this moment more. I let my fingertips trace his chest as I circled his nipple playfully.

"Mphmm." Demyx whined through closed lips as I kissed his tiny patch of skin on his chest that wasn't prisoner to his cotton v-neck.

"Is he awake?" Axel whispered and I shook my head with a child like smile.

"Demy cute asleep." I giggled as Axel crept out of his sleeping bag.

"Watch this." Axel kneeled by Demyx's and my face. "Dem, hey Dem." Axel whispered.

"M?" Demyx moaned.

"My god Demyx, put some pants on." Axel said, trying not to laugh.

"Eh, ugh, pants." Demyx squirmed with me on him.

"Axe!" I yelled in a hushed tone. Demyx looked scared by the way he wriggled and his face panicked.

"Haha, he keeps dreaming of pants." Axel shook his head as I combed Demyx's hair.

"Shh, Demy, its ok." I cooed as Demyx gulped and sighed through his nose, returning to a peaceful state.

"You need to tell him Zex." Axel starred at me, but I kept my eyes on the beautifully calm face before me. I knew what he was referring to.

"No. He deserves better than the truth." I said quietly.

"That...that is the longest, perfectly uttered, full sentence I've ever heard you say." Axel glared at me with confusion and I shrugged.

"If I use sentences, you won't tell?" I asked and Axel sighed.

"I think he deserves to know. He'll understand if you tell him, but not if he accidentally finds out."

"I can't make Demy sad again." I shook my head.

"You not telling him is hurting him more." Axel put a hand on my shoulder, but I shook my head again.

"You don't understand!" I whined, stirring Demyx slightly and causing a loud groan from Roxas.

"Shh, don't be grumpy babe." Axel rubbed Roxas' head.

"Mmrrr." Roxas grunted, so Axel laid down next to him and stroked his hair.

"Shh, Roxy, relax baby." Axel kissed Roxas' forehead.

"Tired." Roxas mumbled.

"Then go to bed." Axel smiled and rubbed Roxas' back.

"Mmooohkay." Roxas snuggled into Axels body, so I did the same with Demyx.

I gave Axel my back as I used Demyx's chest as a pillow, knowing that he deserved so much more than I'd ever be able to give him. There's not much left in me, but I'll give him whatever's left of me.

* * *

><p><strong><span>Author's Note<span>: Sorry that it's been so long without an update. I'm working on a lot of stories and am swamped with homework. Sadly I've lost a lot of the drive and motivation that I used to have, so I'm hoping that with some rest I'll be able to bounce back. Thank you for your patience. Please check out my Akuriku Can You Keep My Secret! Even if you usually don't ship Axel with Riku, trust me, I'll have you changing your mind! Also, check out No More Broken Promises cause I'm hoping to post the first chapter to the sequel super soon!**

**That's it for my updates! Thank you for reading.**

To Lukrecia: Hahaha, Zexy fetishes are the best, are they not? Thank you for reviewing!

To Kindofabadger: Hehehe, I love the pun. Awww, I'm so flattered! I love these couples too! I'm glad that you enjoyed reading chapter 20.

To CatlinP1997: No need to apologize! Awww, yay, I love unpredictability, so I'm glad that this story keeps you on your toes. Haha, fluff is awesome! It's so cute too ^_^ Thank you for the complement, and thanks for reviewing!

To IllMaryZemyx: YAY! I love when my stories seem adorable! Haha, I was at some friends house and they were playing, and they knew that I was writing gay porn (what they call my yaoi lol) so they got mad at me for not playing DDR. I decided that the least I could do was fit it in my story somehow, so I'm glad that it worked. Hahaha …that? You mean a lemon? Hmmm, we'll see lol. Awww, I'm so honored that you found my story to be that adorable! Adorable-overload! Hahaha, thank you for reviewing!

To Keyblademaster13: Aww, well I'm glad that I met my own standards haha. I love each of those players for different reasons, which you seem to have noted perfectly. Aww, thank you! I hope that I continue to real you back, and that I never disappoint you with my writing. I hope that the story continues to feel real to you and that you continue to read and review! Love, Sarabellum.

To Alice: O.o wow! Your mom is like one of my greatest fans lol. Hahaha, I will continue to supply you and your mom plenty of Zemyx, and thank you for reading my AkuRiku, Can You Keep My Secret!

To Shadowridge: DDR is a fun game, although I suck at it, so I prefer to watch. Guess I'm a Zexion haha. I shall post the sequel as soon as I can, thanks for being patient! And for not eating my soul haha.

To LegendofZelda2: Aww, thank you! I love you too! Hehehe, who wouldn't love Demyx without a shirt, dancing and sweating a little? Wow! I'm so honored to hear that! I'm so grateful to be considered a favorite ^_^ I will continue to write, thank you so much for the encouragement! I also plan on posting the sequel soon, so htank you SO much for being patient with me! ~Sarabellum

To KidaKama: Awww, that is so sweet! Thank you so much for that complement! You leave me so inspired, thank you.

To KingdomKuroGeass: hahaha, I absolutely LOVE your spamming reviews! Please, don't stop! Haha. Awww, well I'm so happy to hear that you found the last chapter to be "squeal-worthy". Hahaha, thank you! Sadly one of my classmates who likes me calls me fluffy (I really don't know why, other than the fact that he knows I don't like it lol). It's a little weird haha, but if it helps me write fluff through connection, then I'll take it lol. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! I appreciate your encouragement.

To Cirxe145: Haha, yay! I love the happy moments so much. Although I am a sucker for tension and drama lol.

To SoraTrancy: Awww, I'm so happy that you danced hehe. Yeah, I can imagine that the end of the school year gets busy. I really hope that things calm down for you! It must be exciting too though. YAY for Roxas! Tell Roxas that I said thank you for the enthusiasm! Thank you Sora! ~Sarabellum.

To BuddyFaith: Yay for funny, sweet, and adorable fluff! I hope that this chapter met your "fluff" requirements as well hehe. Thank you for reviewing!

**Heart Sarabellum**


	22. It Was Demy

"Morning!" I woke up after I fell asleep again to see Demyx's face right by my eyes.

"Morning." I gave a poor smile.

"What's wrong?" Demyx asked, his head tilted like a curious animal.

"Nothing." I tried to smile it away, but Demyx didn't buy it.

"Zex, what is it baby?" Demyx sat on the couch so I sat up and leaned on his shoulder.

"I want to be best for Demy." I said and Demyx rested his head on mine.

"I want to be the best for you too baby." Demyx rubbed my shoulder.

"Dem, I love you." I said quietly.

"I love you too Zexy." Demyx stood up and lifted me off the couch, carrying me in his arms. I locked my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck as he walked into the kitchen with me attached to his body.

"Oh, he's awake." Roxas said as I hopped off of Demyx to take a seat at the kitchen table.

"How did you sleep?" Axel asked and I blushed.

"Good with Demy."

"I always sleep good when Axel is holding me." Roxas smiled shyly and I nodded.

"I love falling asleep with you in my arms." Axel sat next to Roxas and kissed his forehead.

"Zexion is so small, it's like holding a warm, cute teddy bear." Demyx lifted me out of my chair, stole it, and placed me in his lap.

"Demy my teddy bear." I kissed his neck as he gulped.

"Zex, not in front of Axel and Roxas. That's my tickly spot." Demyx turned red as he whispered.

"Get a room." Axel put his hands up as he poured us all some juice.

We ate some pancakes that Roxas made before we sadly loaded up in the car to go back to Aerith's.

"Don't want to go back." I said quietly.

"It's ok Zex, we can ask Aerith and maybe do it again next weekend." Roxas smiled.

"I'm sure she'll say yes. It's good for you to get out." Demyx nodded along.

"We'll see you Monday at school." Axel waved goodbye and I got out of the car. Demyx got out and gave me a hug goodbye before I went into Aerith's house and watched them drive away.

"Hello Zexion, how was your time with your friends?" Aerith asked and I gave a faint smile.

"Had fun."

"I'm glad to hear that. I think we should have a session, does that work with you?" Aerith asked and I nodded; I knew that the question only had one answer anyway. "Great, let's sit on the couch." Aerith led me to the living room and cleared her throat.  
>"Zexion, let's talk about this." Aerith held up my old journal, the one that Xemnas found and that Aerith has already read. I sighed.<p>

"Old."

"That's a little too easy, don't you think?" Aerith smiled shyly and I shrugged; I knew she wouldn't let it end there. "Zexion, there is some really heavy stuff in here. Let's go through it together, alright?" Aerith asked politely, so I nodded.

"Where start?" I asked, not sure where we could possibly begin to dissect my life.

"How about from the beginning?" Aerith flipped open my rugged journal as I got comfortable on the couch. I knew that we would be here for a while.

"Sure."

"I'll read it aloud, so that we're on the same page." Aerith cleared her throat. "Dear Diary, journal, or whatever you want to call this thing, I'm only writing because I have nothing better to do. It's my birthday, and my grandmother bought me this journal. I doubt she'll ever read this, but maybe one day I can read to her the parts that are actually worth reading, if there are any. Either way, I just know that I miss her. She hasn't visited in a while, but that's probably because of mom. I can't believe she's been messing around with heroine again. One day that crap is going to get a hold of her, if it hasn't already. I guess I'm not one to talk. I've already cut enough to know that I'm reliant on it, and the idea of some kind of recreational drug sounds helpful. At this point, anything sounds helpful. I just want to be numbed from all this pain. I feel jaded. Erased. I feel like a ghost watching everyone live their lives while I'm stuck on the outside, watching. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of everything. I want it to end. I don't want to live to watch my grandmother die. I won't want to live to watch my mother get arrested any more. I don't want to live to finish this stupid journal. I'm just tired of this. Maybe it'll get better. If it doesn't, we'll see how much longer I can last. Well, that's enough trash for one journal entry." Aerith set the book in her lap as I looked away. I had never read any of my journal entries, except for when I wrote them, so it had nearly forgotten about it. With the exception of Aerith's censoring in replacement for all the cussing I knew had to be in there, it sounded very familiar.

"Zexion? This is dated June 9th. It hasn't even been half a year, yet so much has changed. Why don't you walk me through it from your eyes? What has happened since?"

Aerith asked and I thought for a moment, trying to remember that which I worked so hard to forget.

"Mom went to rehab. Old school nurse found bruise."

"That's right. I remember reading that journal entry. Why don't you help me better understand? What happened that day?"

I closed my eyes as I though back. "Woke up for school, mom was high. Wanted money for drugs, so she stole mine. I didn't have money, so she hit me. I ran, but she tripped me. Gave me bruise on cheek. Went to school, teacher called nurse, so mom went to rehab. I went with aunt." I said, opening my eyes before Aerith held her palm up to stop me.

"That was in August, right? August…thirteenth?" Aerith flipped through the book and looked at the date at the top of a page. I nodded. "Then what happened?"

"Aunt didn't like me, I didn't like her, grandma got really sick so she moved with aunt."

"She used to live on her own, but then because of her health, your aunt was the only one who she could move with, right?" Aerith asked and I nodded, knowing that I had written that all down somewhere in that damned notebook. "And then what?"

"Then grandma got worse, aunt blamed me. Said I was killing her by being alive. Told me to go with my dad." I looked back at Aerith, who frowned.

"That must have been really rough." Aerith whispered and I shrugged. My dad is most likely in hell.

"Got used to it."

"But then school started." Aerith reminded me that the story of my life actually got worse.

"Yeah, and Demy was so nice; Axel too. I wanted friends. I wanted Demy's smile. I wanted Dem." I gave the weakest of fake smiles as Aerith nodded.

"I'm sure his positivity was very encouraging."

"Demy made me happy, not worry about Aunt or grandma. Demy made it all better." I shrugged with a real smile, small, but real. Aerith smiled along.

"I remember reading about the experiences you had with him. It was those journal entries that saved you from going with Xemnas."

I shook my head. "It was Demy."

* * *

><p>Saying those last three words aloud helped me realize just how much I owe Demyx for being there for me when no one else was. Aerith and I were about to continue when her doorbell rang. I wanted it to be Demyx so badly so that I could give him a hug, so I stood up in anticipation.<p>

"Coming." Aerith greeted the guest as I waited anxiously.

"Hello Zexion." Leon waved to me and I waved back. Damn, it wasn't Demyx.

"Hey Leon." I shrugged it all off with a smile.

"Zexion, you remember Cloud from the hospital?" Leon asked and I nodded.

"Hey." Cloud said quietly.

"Hey." I echoed, sitting back down on the couch. I couldn't guess why Leon was here, but why Cloud showed up with him scared me.

"Cloud, Leon, would you like anything to drink?" Aerith asked as she headed for the kitchen.

"Water, thanks." Leon said as Cloud nodded in agreement.

"How've you been?" Leon asked me.

"Better." I said, thinking about how Demyx and I are dating, which made me smile.

"You look happy." Leon said as he sat next to me and I nodded.

"That's good." Cloud said and I looked over to where he was sitting, next to Leon, holding his hand. Whoa, they're dating? I couldn't believe that they were actually a couple, especially because neither one comes off as being gay or the relationship type. Maybe that's why they work?

"Here you are." Aerith handed each of them their water and they thanked her.

"So we decided to stop by to talk about that email that you sent me." Leon told Aerith.

"Oh yes, that is a good idea." Aerith said as Leon stood up. "Cloud, would you mind watching him while Leon and I talk privately?" Aerith asked and Cloud nodded with a grunt.

"M."

"Thank you babe." Leon kissed Cloud's cheek while the blonde sat nearly motionless. I was much more intimidated by the blonde than by Leon, so when Leon and Aerith left us, the tension was so thick, it was deathly still.

I coughed and Cloud cleared this throat, but we both remained silent.

It was weird, and for once, the silence bothered me. Having gone so long being mute, I didn't think that I could ever fear the quiet peace, but this was too quiet, it was unsettling.

"Leon, nice." I said casually as Cloud nodded. Oh god, I hope he didn't think that I was hitting on his boyfriend.

"He's a good guy." Cloud said, as if we were just talking about any random person.

"Helped me in hospital." I said and Cloud actually gave a tiny smile.

"Helped me in college. I would have dropped out if it weren't for him."

"Leon's smart." I said, knowing that he had to have gone to college to be a nurse, but I could tell that he wasn't just all brawn.

"Yeah, he's a nutrition nut. Anything related to the body and medicine, he knows."

"Smart, nice, and cute." I smiled, then froze. Shit, I didn't mean to say the last part out loud. I cleared my throat awkwardly and timidly glanced at Cloud, who was smiling.

"He really is."

"You with him long time?" I asked, out of curiosity, not realizing till after I asked that I was really advertising a false interest.

Cloud's smile went up as he looked at a ring on his right ring finger. "Six years. We started dating half-way in college, and now we get to work with each other."

"That's cool. I want to work with Demy." I smiled at the idea of being able to see Demyx every day for the rest of my life.

"Demy? Oh, that's that blonde kid with the crazy hair who visited you a lot." Cloud said and I smiled proudly at the description of my boyfriend.

"Demy my boyfriend, with pretty hair." I said and Cloud nodded.

"Boyfriend? Congrats. I could tell that he really liked you. Every time I had to tell them to leave when visiting hours were over, he looked like he wanted to cry. That was before you woke up." Cloud said and I sighed.

"He was worried?" I knew it was a stupid question, but I asked anyway.

"Yeah. You're friends all were; they care about you." Cloud said and I nodded.

I didn't know what else to say; Cloud was so quiet and I already tried and failed to start a conversation. I sighed in boredom and Cloud rubbed his hands together. Both of us saved when Leon and Aerith returned to the living room.

"Alright Zexion, as part of the deal with Xemnas, I have to check your arms to make sure that you're healing properly." Leon stood with crossed arms. I exhaled loudly through my nose, annoyed at the lack of trust, but thankful that they were checking my arms and not my thighs.

"Kay." I stood up and removed my zip-up, followed by my long sleeve shirt. I shivered lightly as I stood shirtless, holding my arms out for Leon to check. Leon circled around me, then took one arm at a time to examine closely.

"Nothing looks recent." He said as he let my arm fall by my side.

"I'm proud of you Zexion." Aerith smiled, but I could only frown in my shame. If they knew about my thigh, I'd be a gonner.

"Keep it up." Leon playfully slapped my arm.

"Stay fighting." Cloud said and I nodded.

"Thank you for stopping by. Would you two like to stay for dinner?" Aerith asked and Leon smiled.

"I won't refuse a home cooked meal."

Aerith laughed. "Do you not know how to cook, Cloud?"

Cloud shrugged, "The basics."

"Well I have a meatloaf in the oven; it'll be out in half an hour." Aerith smiled as she went into the kitchen. I turned to see that I was left in the living room with Cloud and Leon, all three of us sitting silent.

"Leon, I have to run to the store to get some more potatoes. Will you stay here with Zexion?" Aerith asked, as if I were a baby or some dumb dog.

"Sure, no problem." Leon said before Aerith ran off to the store.

"So how's school going?" Leon asked after another three minutes of awkward coughing and throat clearing.

"It's alright." I shrugged.

"Do you play any sports?" Cloud asked, so I shook my head.

"Nope."

"Maybe you should. High school sports are a great way to get to know new people and make friends." Leon suggested. He had a point, but I didn't want to think about embarrassing myself.

"Not good at sports." I confessed.

"Practice." Cloud shrugged and I sighed.

"Not athletic. Embarrass myself." I chuckled, picturing how horrible I'd be at any sport.

"No you won't. If you practice and work hard, I'm sure you'll make it. Which sport do you like?" Leon asked as I thought. I couldn't come up with anything, so Leon started guessing. "Football?"

"No." I quickly answered. I never liked the idea of gorillas all attacking each other for one ball.

"Baseball?" Leon asked, but I shook my head.

"Axel plays baseball."

"You could play with him. I'm sure he'd help you practice." Leon suggested, but I winced.

"Don't like baseball." It moved too slow for me, and I can't swing a bat to save my life.

"What about basketball?" Cloud proposed, but I turned that down as well.

"Too short."

"What about track and field? There's tons of running events."

"Can't run."

"What about auditioning for a play?" Leon asked and I looked at him funny. He should know better.

"Don't like being on stage." I said as Leon and Cloud thought up more ideas.

"Is there a chess club or something?" Cloud asked, and both Leon and I stared at him.

"Chess club?" Leon asked on my behalf.

"Well if he can't play sports or act, then maybe chess." Cloud shrugged in defense as Leon chuckled.

"You want to play chess kid?" He asked me, but I sighed.

"I want Demy."

"Your boyfriend?" Cloud asked and I nodded.

"Demy my best friend. Demy my everything." I smiled, as did Leon.

"We all need that someone to lean on." Leon said before Cloud rested his head on Leon's shoulder. Leon let out a small laugh before he let his head fall gently on Cloud's super spikey hair.

"You ok baby?" Leon asked as he rubbed his hand up and down Cloud's arm.

"I'm tired."

"Aerith should be here soon." Leon kissed Cloud's forehead.

"You two cute." I gave a quick smile as I watched Leon comb Cloud's hair.

"Thank you." Leon kissed Cloud's cheek.

"M." Cloud grunted.

"What is it babe?" Leon squeezed Cloud's waist.

"You got my cheek wet." Cloud wiped his cheek with his sleeve.

Leon laughed, "I'm sorry baby."

"It's ok, just don't lick your lips before you kiss me." Cloud grumbled.

"You mean like this?" Leon clamped Cloud's arms to his side with a bear hug and attacked his face with kisses. It was so adorable, that it almost hurt. I wanted Demy so bad, and I was burning with jealousy.

"Leon, quit it!" Cloud squirmed, but he was no match for Leon's hold.

"But you're so cute." Leon snickered as he tightened his grip.

"Le-oonnn!" Cloud coughed and gasped for air.

"Ok, fine. Party pooper." Leon released his grip as Cloud sighed.

"My arms hurt." Cloud rubbed his arms.

"I just can't help it. You're so damn cute." Leon puckered and Cloud rolled his eyes before he gave Leon a gentle kiss.

"You're going to gross out the kid." Cloud pulled his lips away as soon as they made contact with Leon's.

"I don't mind. You two love." I shrugged, loving how honest and simple their love appeared.

"Thanks buddy. How are you and your boy doing?" Leon leaned back as Cloud snuggled into his side.

"Good. Miss him though." I shrugged.

"You'll see him at school, right?" Leon asked and I nodded.

"I can't wait." I smiled just as Aerith returned.

"Who's hungry?"

* * *

><p><strong><span>Author's Note<span>: I'm back! My week long lack of inspiration ended, and I started two new Soriku's, on top of my AkuRiku Can You Keep My Secret, and in addition to my Akuroku No More Broken Pieces, the sequel to No More Broken Promises! Please check them all out! The two new Soriku's won't be out for a little while, just because I'm really busy studying for midterms as well as preparing to study abroad IN JAPAN! I'm so excited ^_^**

**Thank you so much everyone for reading! This story has been such a challenge and privilege to write, and I'm so happy to be getting all the reviews and notifications from everyone! I decided to add a few scenes and I'm planning on making some pretty big changes, so this story will be around for MUCH longer than I first anticipated, and it may take me longer to post because all the renovations that I'm making require alterations and additions that conflict with stuff I've already written. So thank you for your patience =)**

Anyway, I just love Leon and Cloud, so yes, there will be more of them!

To Kindofabadger: Oh yeah, Sephiroth…he's just too much to let go of lol. Yay for Axel saving the day. And a bigger yay for cuddling lol. Wow….i'm not going to respond to that last part of your review lol I'm so bad lol .

To x-Trisana-skystorm-x: I'm so glad that you feel a connection to this story! I really want it to be relatable and understandable. I agree that he is too dependent on Demyx, and that issue will come up later in the story, as you probably predicted. I'm glad you like the flow! I'm trying to make it so that you can really get into Zexion's head, which is hard considering all the dramatic themes of this story. I wish I could update sooner, but I'm working on about 5-6 stories right now, so it's hard to work on each one, especially because 3 stories are all extremely heavy and lengthy, but I really appreciate your commitment to reading! Thank you for your wonderful review! ^_^

To KingdomKuroGeass: Yep! Another chapter lol. Haha, I love how everything that Demyx says in his sleep is taken directly from my roommate in her sleep. Every morning she asks me if she talked in her sleep and I try to write it down so I don't forget so I can add it in here lol. Myfishy3? I Remember you! I'm so glad that it's you lol. I do my best to memorize which reader reviewed which stories and favorited which stories, and I remember seeing yours a lot! Thank you so much ^_^ Hahaha, that's so cute! Tell your rats I said hi lol. Well I can't ignore Akuroku lol, they deserve some loving time haha. Thank you!

To Alice: How's your mom doing? Lol she's so awesome! I love random-ness, so no worries. Yeah, Axel's protective nature is a strong point I wanted to highlight.

To Cirxe145: It's Aerith, and that is a good prediction. We shall wait and see who finds out what and when and where and how O.o …yep, it's all in due time lol.

To FromSoraXWithLove: Wow! In one day? That's really impressive! I'm glad to hear that the emotions from the story were that affective, and trust me I've had a few people tell me that they've cried reading this! I'm so honored to receive such informative feedback. Haha, yes, I've developed a stronger love for Zexion and Demyx while writing this, because I originally wrote this story for Axel and Roxas, believe it or not, and then decided last minute that it suits Zexion and Demyx better, and now I feel so much closer to both Nobodies. Aww, well I hope I can keep rocking this couple for you and that you continue to enjoy this story! Haha, wow! Well if you're joking, I must say that its quite a coincidence, because I may or may not be close to San Francisco myself lol. But only for another 2 months. After that, I'll be out of the country .

To CatlinP1997: I can't tell you if he'll tell, but you will find out. Haha, thank you for that broadcast lol. Awww, I'm so glad that my story could help you with you speech! YAY for fanfiction being educational! Thank you so much for being a faithful reviewer!

To BuddyFaith: Yes, cuddles are awesome! I'm glad that you caught the bittersweet feeling of love and yet sorrow all at once!

To KidaKama: Yeah, for me, it's always easier to share and deal with the consequences than to live with the burden of feeling alone, and I'm glad that you recognized that, because that's why I added the whole "Axel caught Zexion" scene, which originally wasn't in the story. I just felt like it needed to be there, to express that personal connection and that friendly bond between the two. Oh I'm such a huge Axel fan, it's why I whore him out to everyone because I can't get enough of him! XD yes, he looks sexy is everything, or nothing ;)

To IllMaryZemyx: I'm glad that you are still in love with my story! I'm still in love with your reviews ^_^ Yes, Axel really does care about Zexion, and I really wanted to highlight that friendship. Yep, I agree that Zexion needs to be the one to tell Demyx, and soon. Whether or not that will actually happen, you'll have to read to find out ;) I used to call my gf Zexion (she is a bookwoom science nerd, incredibly smart and absoluetely gorgeous. I was her Demyx cause I have ADD and play guitar and am a music addict. But then she broke up with me, which made writing this really hard for a while, since she broke up with me about six chapters ago, I think.) Anyway, I'm not sure if I'll write a sequel, just because I plan on extending this story until I'm completely done. But who knows, if enough people request a sequel even after I finish, I'll probably cave in. I'm pretty easily swayed to write sequels.

To ZeltaFrost: Ok before I can even comment on your review for this story, I have to comment on your review for Chp 16 of NMBPromises! So far, I think you are the only one (that I know of) who got my Reno quote "Oooh Good!". When I read your review on my email, I was cracking up! I was like "Finally!" and my friends were looking at me funny, but I just had to let you know that I LOVE how you got my quote from FF Advent Children! I love that line, and I try to use it as often and naturally as possible! Ok, now back to this story lol. Yes, I totally wish Axel was real too. Who doesn't? lol. Haha, yeah that would be a funny prank! Yes those characters will appear in due time, and there is more of Aqua to come, although not much because I'm not as comfortable writing her into the story as I am with more popular characters. Aww, thank you! I love talking to you too! Feel free to comment on all my other stories as well ^_^ I can respond to you on this story if you review for a story I've already finished. Yeah, I accidentally started two stories yesterday, so I'm up to like 6 or 7, and I have about 4 others that I started but needed to stop so I can work on these other ones that I'm trying to post/update regularly. Thank you so much for reviewing.

To RoxasVentusHikari: Haha, yay for not leaving anything out lol. Yep, I agree, Zexion needs to cut out the drama and start moving forward, but that is much easier said than done. Axel did save the day, and I love him for that lol. Yeah, sometimes coming clean can avoid a lot of problems, but you'll have to read to find out more. Haha, yeah, it's hard when you want wants best for his health, knowing that it will change his relationship with Demyx. Aww, thank you! I love your reviews! I know it now, and I hope you know just how much I value reading your reviews for each and every chapter ^_^ No need to apologize, I know that I don't update as much as I would like, and I feel bad fro that. I can't say how big this "dip" will get, or how long it'll take to repair, or if it will ever need repairing, but I hope that you continue to read with hope for Zemyx. I couldn't throw them away permanently, not ever. Thank you for reading all my stories! Hmmm, well Luxord is in the sequel, and that's all I'm going to say for now . Yay for being cheerful! Thank you for reviewing! Until next chapter (or for any other story update coming up) ~Sarabellum.

**Thank you everyone for reading, and especially to those who reviewed ^_^ Don't forget to read Can You Keep My Secret. (I guarantee I will have you supporting Axel and Riku, or your money back, lol ;P) And Please read No More Broken Pieces, the sequel to No More Broken Promises! Keep your eyes out for new stories, so check my profile as often as you can to get the latest updates on stories to come!**

**Heart, Sarabellum**


	23. Stay Fighting

Leon and Cloud stayed late, and offered to stay the night to spend time with me. Aerith said it'd be healthy for me to spend more time around older role models, which I guess made sense. While Leon and Cloud went back to their place to get clothes and stuff, Aerith said that Leon could use the 'bonding time too'. I didn't ask what she meant by that, but I sure am curious. Leon looks like a guy who's got it all: looks, brains, muscle, and a hot guy to call his. Why he would need to hang out with a loser like me is beyond me.

"Alright, I have a deck of cards, monopoly, and this, although I'm not sure what it is." Leon scratched his head as he set down the cards and the board game on the living room floor, where I was sitting.

"It's Uno." Cloud shook his head as I smiled.

"Oh. Well, here, you decide." Leon sat down next to me as I picked out the monopoly game. The three of us played for an hour before Aerith brought out cookies from the kitchen.

"Thank you." Leon smiled and I echoed his thanks.

"So, what are the plans for the night?" Aerith asked with a smile.

"We'll let Zexion decide once I smoke him in monopoly." Leon smirked.

"Oh, Zexion?" Aerith looked to me, so I looked to Leon.

"You wish." I said back.

"Smack talk." Cloud sat back as Leon shook his head.

"We'll see kid." Leon moved his piece on the board.

After Cloud shocked us and beat us all, we played some card games before going to bed in the living room.

"Thanks for having us over Zexion. Stay fighting." Leon waved to me as he and Cloud left the next day.

"So Zexion, how was it?" Aerith asked me and I shrugged.

"Like hanging out with Leon." I said. Sure I would much rather hang out with Demyx, but Leon is really nice too. I like Cloud, but he's still really reserved and quiet, which kind of intimidates me, since usually I'm the quiet one.

"That's good. Leon's going through some rough times too, and I think you two can really help each other." Aerith said as we loaded into her car, on the way to the grocery store.

"Leon, ok?" I asked as we made it on the freeway.

"Yes, he's strong and will see himself through any trial. But that doesn't change the fact that he's been through a lot to get there. I think he can really serve as a role model for you." Aerith smiled and I nodded.

"I like Leon." I agreed as we walked into the market.

"Do we need more milk?" Aerith looked at the cart once we made it down the aisle.

"Eggs?" I shrugged, not too sure of either.

"Alright, better safe than sorry." Aerith nodded as she put both in the cart. Once we finished and went back home, I slumped on the couch, bored.

"You ok Zexion?" Aerith asked as she sat next to me.

"Miss Demy." I answered, wanting my boyfriend so badly.

"I'm sure you do. He has such a sweet smile, and a real positive attitude. You have to learn to have that on your own, so that you can make it through the times when he's not here." Aerith rubbed my back, and I nodded.

"Just want to feel warm, and loved." I shrugged and Aerith put an arm around me.

"We all want that; its natural. You have to remember that he wants that too. You have to stay fighting, like Leon says. If you win your battles, then it'll make it easier for Demyx to win his, once he knows that you're doing alright." Aerith sighed happily and I smiled at her.

"I'll fight for Demy."

"Good, cause he's coming over for dinner." Aerith smiled big.

"He what?" I asked in shock.

"Demyx and Aqua are going to be over for dinner, so clean up." Aerith winked at me, and she didn't have to tell me twice, cause I ran off to my room to find something nice to wear.

I picked out black skinny jeans with a button up purple and grey flannel. I fixed my hair with a little bit of product that Demyx gave to me; he says that he uses the same thing for his Mohawk every day to keep his mullet in shape, so I decided to use the same thing to fix my bangs.

Once I finished up, I helped Aerith prepare dinner for half an hour before Demyx and Aqua came over.

"Zexy!" Demyx chocked me with a tight hug.

"Hi Demy." I held him back. He was wearing loose grey jeans with a dark blue hoodie, smelling like a sweet fruit with his beautiful smile.

"Zex, this is my mom, Aqua." Demyx introduced me to a tall woman with light skin and blue hair.

"Hello, I'm Zexion." I tried to use full sentences, like Aerith advised as we were making dinner.

"Nice to meet you Zexion, I'm Aqua." She stuck out a friendly hand and I shook it.

"Nice to meet you too." I repeated.

"It's good to see you Aerith." Aqua moved past me to hug Aerith.

"It's been a while." Aerith smiled as she hugged Aqua.

"Your hair smells good babe." Demyx said after he slipped an arm around my waist.

"Using Demy's hair product." I said shyly. It was a bit intimidating to try and style my hair when I'm dating the hair god.

"It looks beautiful." Demyx kissed my temple as he stood behind me. "You know, I'd love to style your hair. It's so soft." Demyx nuzzled his nose in my hair as I giggled.

"Ok." I blushed.

"So, Zexion, Demyx has told me a lot about you." Aqua smiled, but I didn't know how much of a complement that really was.

"Oh." I grew quiet. There really wasn't much to say about me that wasn't negative.

"He says that you're extremely smart." Aqua continued, so I bit my lip.

"Demy really smart too." I said, which is true. He may not be a number nerd like Axel and me, but he can interpret poetry and books that might as well be in a foreign language to me.

"You like science and math, right?" Aqua asked and I nodded.

"Simple." I shrugged. We talked lightly of school as we ate, and when dinner was over, we sat at the table with a weird silence.

"Aqua, you should tell Zexion about raising Demyx." Aerith suggested, so Demyx blushed.

"Or you could not." Demyx joked.

"Demyx is great." Aqua put a hand on his shoulder. "I took him in when his living conditions weren't safe, and it took some work before we were able to communicate properly. It was hard for him to understand that I wanted to help him, but it was hard for me to understand where he was coming from. That miscommunication really affected the way we lived, but eventually we learned that taking the time to explain things can save a lot of pain in the long run." Aqua smiled and Demyx nodded.

"It wasn't easy to admit that I was struggling, and it was even harder to ask Aqua for help. But once I did, things got better, cause we were able to trust each other. I'm glad that she adopted me, and I'm glad that she got me into swimming and diving." Demyx smiled proudly.

"Aqua helped Demy swim?" I asked and Demyx shrugged.

"Well I knew how but it was Aqua who encouraged me to really go for it. I mean, I used to swim for fun, but now that we're seniors, Aqua's been encouraging me to see if I can get scholarships for it." Demyx blushed as he daydreamed.

"What would you like to do in college?" Aqua asked me, and it's a question that I didn't really have an answer for. I knew that I was smart enough to get into good universities, but I never really anticipated going. Part of me was just surprised to have made it past all the drama and bull shit of life.

"Not sure yet." I said, giving the simple answer.

"You have to start applying soon." Aerith reminded me, so I nodded.

"Where are you going to apply?" Aqua asked me, so I shrugged.

"Don't know."

"Demyx, do you know where you want to go?" Aerith asked.

"I want to go to Twilight Town University, but it's expensive. I have a meet soon, and I heard that a recruiter might be there, so I'm hoping to do my best." Demyx smiled confidently, so I smiled back.

"Demy will do great." I gave him a thumbs up.

"Thank you Zex." Demyx blushed like a shy child.

We had desert as we continued talking about college and I did my best to impress Aqua, for Demyx's sake.

"It was really nice meeting you Zexion." Aqua said to me as she and Demyx stood by the door to leave.

"Nice meeting you." I repeated.

"Bye Zexy, I love you." Demyx hugged me, so I hugged him back just as tightly.

"Love you too." I smiled, although I was really sad that he had to leave.

"It was great catching up." Aqua said to Aerith.

"You'll have to stop by again real soon." Aerith waved before they left.

"Well that was fun." Aerith said to me as we cleaned up the kitchen.

"Yeah. Aqua's nice." I said and Aerith nodded.

"She is a great role model for Demyx." Aerith smiled.

"Thank you Aerith." I said, feeling like I owed Aerith so much for all her sacrifices to accommodate my life.

"For what?"

"For being role model." I said. Aerith smiled wide as she hugged me.

"Of course. I know things get rough, but hang in there. You'll see, it'll all make sense one day." Aerith ruffled my hair before I was dismissed for bed.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note: Wow, where to begin? Demyx and Zexion are just so cute together, and don't worry, I'm working on a scene where Demyx really does style Zexion's hair lol. There was also some nice bonding between Zexion and Aerith! And, we finally met Aqua! As of right now, I'm not too sure how much she'll be in the story. This chapter wasn't originally included in my mental outline, but honestly I'm still making it all up as I go along :P But that's fanfiction for you lol. I'm hoping to have more of her, although I can't guarantee that she'll be in here much more; its already a complex story-line and adding any character into it complicates the dynamics. With that aside, I'm still working on the next upcoming chapters, and since I have midterm Exams for a whole week, I'm swamped. I really seriously appreciate everyone's patience.<strong>

**While you're waiting for updates on this story, check out Can You Keep My Secret, and No More Broken Pieces. I know that I'm not posting as often as I used to, but again, I'm super busy. I'm moving out of the country for a year, tackling midterms, and preparing for FANIME! If anyone's going to FANIME, please message me! It'd be soooo cool to meet anyone going ^_^**

**ANOTHER ANNOUNCEMENT: So I'm seeing that this story already has 281 reviews (as I'm posting this). So, whoever is the 300th reviewer will get a special shout-out bonus in my Axel X Riku story, Can You Keep My Secret! I'm writing it with all of YOU (Specifically my readers of this story) in mind. SO thank you for all the support. Seriously, all these reviews really do inspire me to write more ^_^**

**Hmm, I don't think I have any other announcements, so time to comment on your comments!**

To Catlin1997: Awww, I'm so honored to hear that! That's so sweet of you to say. Nope, no writing classes. Personally, I don't think that classes can turn someone from "not so good" to "amazing". That's not how it works. I believe that if you have it in you, then it's a part of who you are. I don't think its about "skill", but rather, about heart. I hope that you can see my heart when I write, because that's where its at =) sorry for my cheesy response lol.

To Lukrecia: Yeah, Zexion got lucky there, didn't he? Aww, no crying! Dem Demy always saves the day lol. Thank you! And thank you for reviewing ^_^

To The Lonely Blitz: Have you never heard of Cloud X Leon? O.o They're like, one of my OTP's! I've shipped them since I first got into yaoi! Way before I knew about Zemyx. Lol, I wish I had money haha. Aww, thank you!

To ZeltaFrost: Haha, yes, I'm SO glad that you caught that! Seriously, it made my day ^_^ Hahaha, for me, its awful! I keep telling myself "Five is enough. They're all long, developed, heavy stories. Focus on them, then move on." Then I get to class, sit down, get bored, and the next thing I know, I'm starting a new story. Its actually pretty annoying lol. It makes it hard to finish stories, which is why its taking me so long to update this. Grrr lol. Haha, I'd be down for Leon telling me that…wow that was TMI, I'm so sorry! Lol jk jk. I Know! Poor Zexy. I'm planning for there to be more scenes that focus on his past, but its really hard to write when I'm so busy right now. Sad, excuses, I know. I love Cleon so much! I have a couple Cleon stories: His Radiant Garden and Cradle Me Through the Night. *Hugs!* Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! I really appreciate all of your support!

To KidaKama: Yeah, I really wanted to establish that sense of trust, and also connection. I feel like Axel really could be that kind of person. Aww, I'm glad that you liked Cloud X Leon. They're actually one of my OTP's….I have like 4 lol.

To Rawritsakookye: Aww, its ok. I'm slacking on posting! Lol. I agree. Secrets are so harmful, but I guess you'll have to keep reading to see if he tells…;)

To Keyblade Master13: Wow, you really are so sweet! That is so kind of you to say! Hahaha, well tell your mom that if she wants to be my agent, she's hired lol. I honestly would LOVE to start getting paid to write, just because its takes up SO much of my time/energy, but I wouldn't know where to start. Donations are appreciate ;) lol Writing manga is my dream career, but again, it's so much work and I really wouldn't know where to begin. I wish I knew. Thank you so much for that review. It totally made my day ^_^

To LegendofZelda2: Thank you for the cupcake! Lol. Thanks, I can't wait. And yes, I LOVE Cleon so much!

To KingdomKuroGeass: Hahaha, I'm glad that you liked it! I love cleon more than most people, I just see them as perfect matches. Two manly hot guys? Who could want more? There is no such thing as "more". They're perfect lol. Aww, I'm glad that you anticipate reading my stories that badly! It's nice to know that people really are reading this.

To Shadowridge: Thanks! I can't wait. I'm feeling alright. Not super, but alright. How about yourself?

To Fall Into Everlasting Darkness: That is a long name! lol. Aww, I'm glad that you like it. Yeah, since it's based off of someone I know, I want it to be realistic, to still have those surreal light moments, and yet contain the heavy tension that we encounter in life. Aww, thank you SO much! That is so sweet! I really do appreciate such a kind complement. I'm sure you're writing is fantastic ^_^

To CloudofDarkness'sProtege: You are amazing! You are loved Zexy. Don't ever forget that. You are special, sincere, kind, and such an amazing person. Please…believe me…I wouldn't lie to you. Hang in there Zexy. We'll get through this. ~Dem-Dem

To Kindofabadger: YES, I love Cleon. I am so glad that I'm not the only one lol. Hahaha, yeah, that was a close one! Thankfully they only checked his arms…for now… ;) lol jk jk. This story does mean so much to me. The person I started writing it for….he wont talk to me. I think he's…ashamed of some of his self-harm and unhealthy habits. But I still care for him so much. I'd do anything to tell him how important a person he's always been in my life. I think about him constantly, and the important thing is that I want him to know that he's not alone. People care about him. That's what drives me to continue writing this. It's tough for me because of my connection, but I hope it shows. Still, its so much work. Oh well, that's what writing fanfiction calls for haha. Oh yes of course, I'll still be writing, even when in Japan. Do not fear lol.

To IllMarryZemyx: Hahaha yes! I'm so glad that there are cleon fans reading this! Ok let me try and see if I got this: I love that you love that I love that you love that I love your reviews the same as you love my story…..was that right? I'm lost Hahaha. Hahaha, oh, bring it on! I'll make sure to have sequel ideas prepared just in case hehehe ^_^

To Alice: Hahaha, as long as she likes my story, then I'm happy lol. Aww, no, I mean, some really …not so pleasant stuff happened. It was pretty hard for me to write, or even think and sleep. But those moments happen in life and I think its important not to let it keep you down. So yes, I'm alright now. Lol, he sounds like the one.

To FromSoraXWithLove: No need to apologize! I'll be here when you get a chance to read it. I hope everything works out. Thank you for taking the time to review anyway ^_^

To RoxasVentusHikari: Roxas! Hi! Lol, I love getting your reviews. Yep, the longer he waits to tell, the more of those chances that there'll be! I love Cleon! Honestly, I've always seen both as seme, but Leon has to win this one. His muscles are more bulky and his shoulders more broad, and his leadership skills are much clearer, while Cloud still seems really…unsure as a person, in my opinion. Like, he's more of a follower at times while Leon is the perfect leader. So I would say Leon: seme. Cloud: Uke. That's just my preference concerning the two. Thank you! I continue to love your reviews and await to read the next one!

To BuddyFaith: Hehehe, I cant ever do anything "Fangirl" related in public. I'd totally scare people by fangirl screaming lol.

To LittleTrancyGirl: EEEP! I love your review ^_^ No, you are NOT one lowly reviewer! As cheesy as this may sound, I really do remember all my reviewers! I keep the emails that I get when I get a favorite/track/review and organize them by Story, and I keep track of it all. I seriously do appreciate every single review SO much! Thank you for reviewing, and thank you for taking the time to give me feedback, and such wonderful words =) Lol, who doesn't love Axel?

To Cirxe145: Lol, no! Don't die! Haha, yeah, I'm pretty good at torturing my readers lol, its sad. I'm glad that you are reading all three of my stories right now, and I hope that you enjoy them ^_^

**Thank you to everyone reading, and those who take the time to review. You have NO idea how uplifting your reviews are =)**

**Don't forget, be the 300th reviewer to get a special shout-out in my story Can You Keep My Secret!**

**If you're going to the anime Convention, Fanime, send me a message!**

**And with that being said, thak you all once again.**

**Love with all my Kingdom Heart, Sarabellum**


	24. Everything With My Everything

That whole next week was amazing. Being Demyx's boyfriend felt so natural and right, that it was like we had been dating for years. We all ate lunch under our tree, we studied in the library after school, and we got to hold hands and kiss whenever I needed it.

By the time that Friday rolled around, I was feeling proud of myself. I had gone five whole days without wanting to cut, or at least heavily thinking about it. I remember spending a couple hours dwelling on my old habit when Demyx asked me out, just because I didn't feel good enough for him. But now that I see how well we work together, I don't feel that way anymore. Sure there is still a part of me that believes that he can do better, but he chose me for a reason, and I won't let that reason slip away. As for the pot, I've been slowly realizing how I don't need it. I get jittery in class, like paranoid or something, but I'm getting used to it now. I still feel anxious, like if I could just smoke a bowl, everything will be better, but since that isn't an option, I have to do my best to just keep trying to live without it. It's not easy, but seeing Demyx and how proud he is of me makes it all worth it.

Friday, during lunch, he told me how proud he is and I felt my heart rise in my chest. It's what he does to me. I swear I'm addicted to his smile, and I just want to get high off his love.

"Maybe you can stay the night again." Axel suggested as we finished eating our lunch under our special tree.

"That'd be fun." Roxas said as he looked at me.

"I ask Aerith." I nodded, hopping that she'd let me stay over again.

"I'll be over later." Demyx said.

"Later?" I asked.

"I have a swim meet today, and it's real important."

"Oh yeah! Maybe we can watch." Roxas said and I nodded.

"I want to." I said, so we spent our last five minutes of lunch asking Aerith if I could go watch Demyx's meet, and then stay the night at Axel's house.

"Alright, but I'm trusting you to be wise and make good decisions Zexion." Aerith said, so I nodded.

"I will." I thanked her before we all went to our last two classes.

"I'm nervous." Demyx shivered.

"Why?" I asked. He was about to go to the locker room to get ready for his swim meet.

"Cause the recruiter will be here, so I can't mess up."

"You'll be fine Dem, don't worry." Axel patted his shoulder.

"Good luck Demyx, but I'm sure you won't need it." Roxas gave him a thumbs up.

"Love you Demy." I hugged Demyx as he squeezed me.

"Thanks guys. I love you too Zex. See ya!" he waved as he ran off. Axel, Roxas, and I went to Aerith's house to pack my stuff while Demyx warmed up, and then we drove back to the school just in time to watch the first race. Demyx wasn't in the very first race, but our school won anyway. When Demyx got in position for the second race, my heart was beating rapidly.

"Go Demy!" I shouted along with Roxas and Axel as he swam. I've never been one for sports, but watching Demyx swim was really entertaining and nerve wracking. He was in a relay, so he came back first before anyone else as his partner jumped in the water. He was really focused and I didn't want to distract him, but I couldn't help but cheer along loudly with Axel.

"Yeah Demyx, first as always!" Axel yelled with a fist pump. Demyx's team won that race, and Demyx got second out of six swimmers in an independent race.

He seemed really angry about that, even though I thought he did amazing. When he got out of the water, he was shaking his head. He looked sad and frustrated, which made me sad.

"He's upset." Roxas noticed.

"Yeah, but he's trying to hide it. College recruiters don't want to see emotional athletes." Axel said.

"Poor demy." I felt bad as Demyx jumped up and down, preparing for the next part of the meet. "Done racing?" I asked as the staff removed the lane dividers in the pool.

"Now it's time for the dives." Axel explained.

"Shit." I whispered.

"It's alright, I won't be a jerk this time." Axel winked.

"Yeah, for your sake you better not." Roxas growled.

"I said I was sorry!" Axel defended himself.

The guy in our math class with pink hair went first, and he got an overall score of eight, which was very impressive. Some swimmers from the other school did really well too, and one even reached nine. Demyx seemed really overwhelmed, because he was scheduled to go right after the opponent who got nine, and he was biting his lip like he was nervous.

"You got this Dem." Axel cupped his mouth to be better heard.

"Go Demy!" I shouted again. Demyx took a deep breath as he climbed up the ladder. I gulped, holding my hands together as I watched with butterflies.

Demyx stood at the edge of the board, bouncing lightly as I grabbed Axel's arm.

"Hey, it's ok." Axel put a hand on my shoulder as Demyx turned around, standing backwards. My heart skipped a beat as he sprang up in the air. He did several flips holding onto his straight legs and then stretched his lean body for a clean perfect entrance as I sighed in relief.

"Woo-hoo!" Roxas stood up and clapped. The judges looked at each other, talked in a hushed whisper, and then revealed a 9.5 score card.

Axel and I stood up as well, cheering loudly. When Demyx got out of the water, he bowed, clapped his own hands, and then jumped up and down.

"Congrats Demyx!" Axel hollered.

"Yay Dem!" I shouted next.

His team congratulated him and it felt like the perfect ending to a perfect swim meet the way that the school day went so nice and now he was celebrating a victory. After he was dismissed from his coach, he came over to Axel, Roxas, and me.

"Great job Dem! You did awesome." Axel slapped his wet shoulder.

"Congratulations Demyx." Roxas gave him a high five.

"Thanks." Demyx huffed, still out of breath with all the adrenaline that was no doubt energizing him.

"Proud of you Demy." I smiled before he attacked me with a hug. "Ugh! Wet!" I coughed as he soaked my clothes.

"I love you!" Demyx squeezed me as I welcomed the dripping embrace.

"Love you too Demy." I went on my tip toes as he lowered his head to kiss me.

"Demyx, can we speak with you?" Some guy in a suit came up to us. I let go of Demyx as he cleared his throat.

"Of course. I'll stop by later." Demyx waved to Axel before he walked off with the man who put a hand on Demyx's tall shoulder as they joined more men in suits.

"What do you think they're talking about?" Roxas asked as we got in Axel's car.

"Probably college scholarships." Axel guessed.

While we waited for Demyx, we played more Dance Dance Revolution, which was really nothing more than Axel and Roxas playing while I watched.

"You should practice, and then when Demyx gets here, you can show him how awesome you are." Axel shrugged, and as much as I hated to admit it, he had a valid point.

"Kay." I nervously stepped on the pads and played the same song about ten times before I was able to actually pass it with the lowest possible score.

"You're making progress!" Roxas cheered me on after I played the same damn song over and over again.

"I think if I have to hear this one more time, I'm going to go crazy." Axel rubbed his temples.

"Sorry." I winced.

"It's fine. He's just being grumpy." Roxas waved Axel off just as Demyx knocked on the door.

"Just in time, we're playing your game." Axel said as Demyx entered the living room.

"Wow, and you're playing Zex, good job." Demyx congratulated me as I got a B on the easiest song at the easiest level.

"Thanks." I smiled sheepishly. Demyx hugged me before I got off the mat so he and Axel could play.

"So what did those guys want?" Roxas asked as Demyx stretched.

"Oh, yeah, they were from Twilight Town University! They said that they are seriously considering giving me a scholarship, so if I keep winning more meets and keep up my grades, I'm in." Demyx smiled modestly.

"Congrats Demy!" I was the first to run up to him and hug him again.

"Hehe, thanks Zexy baby." Demyx put a hand on my hip.

"Good job Dem, you deserve it." Roxas smiled.

"Yeah, just like you're about to deserve this beating." Axel said as he stepped onto the arrow pad for the dancing game.

"You wish! Babe, do you mind? I have to cream Axe." Demyx asked me so I let go of him.

"Go get him." I patted Demyx's back before I sat on the couch with Roxas to watch.

"Oh, I will." Demyx winked as he and Axel played DDR for another hour with no breaks.

"Shirtless time?" Axel asked as he lifted up his shirt to air his stomach.

"I am quite heated." Demyx panted, fanning himself.

"What do you think Rox?" Axel asked with a smirk.

"I, you know, it's whatever." Roxas shrugged with a blush, but we all saw right through him. Axel is really attractive, so I'm sure Roxas loves getting as much as he can.

"Zex, you want to dance with me?" Demyx asked me with cute puppy eyes. I honestly didn't want anything to do with that damn game, but Demyx looked so innocent as he asked, so I just had to say sure.

"Ok." I said timidly as Demyx clapped his hands. I stood up on his arrow pad right in front of him as Roxas and Axel decided to play together as a couple against us.

"You two ready to get served?" Axel smirked as he asked us. I stayed silent and looked up behind me at Demy.

"Oh, it's on." Demyx started the game, both of us as teams playing on easy.

I tried to keep up as best I could, but in the end, Demyx did all the work.

"Look at these sexy hips," Axel grinned as I looked over to see him playing the game as best he could while pressing his crotch against Roxas' ass.

"Axe!" Roxas blushed as he tried not to get distracted.

"You hit left, I'll get right." Demyx instructed so I did my best to hit the slow moving arrows, but I only got three of ten. A failing score.

"I'm sorry." I apologized to Demyx when the tv informed us of our defeat.

"Baby, it's just a game, for fun. And to be honest, I just love dancing with you to be able to be this close to you." Demyx blushed shyly which made me bite my own lip in a speechless moment.

"Aww," Roxas entered the awkward moment.

"Just make out already." Axel rolled his eyes as he sat on his couch, patting his lap.

"No, you're sweaty." Roxas whined.

"Boy get your ass here before I have to pin you." Axel smirked, so Roxas sighed as he reluctantly sat on Axels lap, facing Axel.

"I love you." Axel said as he snaked his hand up the back of Roxas' shirt. Roxas gulped before he kissed Axels neck.

"Get a room!" Demyx covered my eyes with his hands, but I slowly pulled it down, looking at Axel and Roxas with envy, and then I went on my tip toes and smashed my lips against Demyx's.

"Alight Zex!" Axel hollered and Roxas whistled as I felt my cheeks flushing.

Demyx's eyes widened before I felt his hands on my waist.

"Thank you, that was a lovely kiss." Demyx pulled back and placed a palm on my heated cheek.

"I love you Demy." I put my hand over his.

"Do they get any cuter?" Roxas asked and when I turned to see them, my stomach coiled as Roxas rubbed his hand over Axels sweaty, firm, pale chest.

"Mmm, that feels good." Axel smiled, fingering Roxas hair.

"Demy?" I asked impatiently, wanting to catch up to the touchy couple on the couch.

"Y-yes?" Demyx asked nervously, probably reacting to Axel and Roxas as I was, since the two started making out.

"I, I want that," I confessed shyly as I pointed to Axel and Roxas, who paused with their lips still stuck together. Axel pulled back and cleared his throat.

"Sorry, guess we got a little carried away." Axel winced.

"Want to be intimate with Demy." I whined, wanting to feel my boyfriend's tongue in my mouth.

"I, I want to be intimate with you too baby." Demyx smiled as he gripped my hips.

"Kiss?" I asked, giving my best puppy eyes.

Demyx grinned with a timid tint of pink on his cheeks. "I, I think it's really cute when you go on your toes to reach."

"O-oh, ok," I put my hands in his shoulders, went up on my toes, and planted soft yet firm kiss on Demyx's moist lips.

Demyx squeezed my hips in his hands as I threw my arms around his neck, feeling his strong tongue push into my mouth. I gasped, loving the way that his fingertips curled and his head titled while I ran my fingers aggressively through his hair.

I moaned loudly into Demyx's mouth before my boyfriend pulled back and cleared his throat.

"Damn." Axel said, bringing us all back into reality.

"That was pretty hot." Roxas winked as I hid my face in Demyx's chest.

"It was fun," Demyx rubbed my back before I gave into temptation and kissed his nipple with rounded lips. "Ah!" Demyx flinched so I put my hands solidly on his back and puckered my lips again. I slowly moved towards his perk nipple before he stopped me by placing his hands on my shoulders.

"Let's slow down, ok?" Demyx asked weakly as I frowned. "There's no need to rush things." Demy gave me a reassuring smile, but I didn't shake off my frown, even as I nodded. Truth is, if I didn't have the newer scars on my thigh, I'd totally go all the way with him.

"Please don't frown," Demyx said, looking hurt, so I felt even worse for making him sad.

"I sorry Demy. I love you." I gave a fake smile, which I disguised well to look real especially as I topped it all off by taking his hand in mine and kissing it.

"I love you so much Zex. I can't wait to let this relationship go where I want it to, but I don't see a need to rush there. Let's just enjoy the journey, ok?" Demy asked so I nodded.

"Is it just me, or is it movie popcorn time?" Axel saved the moment before I let my frustrations show through. Roxas started an action movie while we all sat on the floor, against the couch, Axel at one end and Demyx at the other. Axel and Roxas were snuggling while Axel fed Roxas popcorn, and I couldn't help but be jealous. I wanted that with Demyx. I wanted more. I wanted everything with my everything. I couldn't take my eyes off of the cute couple, looking at them with a hopeless wanting as Demyx finally caught on. My boyfriend put his arm around my side and pulled me closer. I wanted to cuddle, but part of me was still frustrated. I couldn't see why he was so against getting closer.

I sat limp as Demyx used his other hand to take mine and squeeze it. I remained unchanged even when he kissed my cheek.

I heard him sigh before Demyx crashed his head on my shoulder.

"Please don't be mad at me," Demyx whispered sounding extra sad and extra cute because of it.

"I not mad." I rested my head on his, hating the idea of making him feel bad.

"Are my kisses not enough for you?" Demyx asked, sounding like he was really bothered with tears in his throat. I raced to sit up and when I saw his watering eyes, all I could think about was making it all better.

"Oh Demy," I cupped my boyfriends face and kissed his lips with a small peck before I kissed his nose. "I sorry." I apologized sincerely as I combed Demyx's bangs.

"I just want to believe that I'm enough for you, exactly how I am." Demyx gave a shy smile, so I nodded.

"Demy so much more." I smiled.

"Thank you." Demyx kissed my lips before he returned his head to my shoulder, getting cozy. I wrapped my arms around Demyx's tummy and held him as the movie winded to a finish.

"Well that was fun." Axel yawned as we tried to think of something else to do.

"Now what?" Roxas asked, bored.

"We could play more DDR," Axel suggested.

"What's something that we can all do?" Roxas asked on his and my behalf.

"Hmm, well, maybe we could watch another movie?" Demyx shrugged.

"I'm bored!" Roxas groaned loudly.

"Hmmm, you know, we could," Axel started, then paused in thought.

"What?" Roxas asked, excited to hear Axels proposal.

"I heard from Hayner that Seifer is throwing a party." Axel shrugged with a suspicious smile.

"Oh really?" Roxas grinned.

"No." Demyx was quick to object.

"Why not?" Roxas sat up. Everyone at school knows that Roxas hates Seifer, and Axel once told me that Roxas goes to his parties just to trash them. I didn't believe it, since it doesn't sound at all like the friendly sweet guy that Roxas is, but Axel said it was his secret guilty pleasure.

"I don't think it's a good idea to bring Zexion. Seifer always has alcohol and who knows what else." Demyx said and I sighed.

"Not a baby!" I've been around alcohol plenty of times. I can take care of myself. I let my thoughts show and on my face and Demyx frowned.

"I just don't want to risk anything happening that could get you taken away, or that could ruin our relationship. It just wouldn't be worth it." Demyx rubbed my arms and I sighed in frustration. I understood what he was saying, but I wanted to have fun before I was stuck glued to Aerith's side again.

"I think if the four of us all stay together then it'll be ok." Axel shrugged and Roxas and I nodded. I wanted to go because I was bored; Roxas probably wanted to go because he was always looking to get back at Seifer.

"I'd think that you'd hate parities." Demyx nodded at me. "You hate large groups and loud noises."

I shrugged. Yeah, I usually hate those things, but, I'm "bored."

"I'm bored too." Roxas stood up in determination.

"Am I the only one who thinks this is a stupid idea?" Demyx threw his hands up in defeat.

"How bad can it get?" Roxas shrugged easily.

"I have another meet tomorrow afternoon. I can't afford to stay up all night long, watching over you three." Demyx growled.

"Quit acting like we're your children." Axel rolled his eyes.

"You're thinking like children!" Demyx retorted.

"Look, it may be a bit out there, but it'll be fun." Roxas reasoned.

Axel sighed in thought. "It is risky, but we can't shelter him forever."

"Yeah! Healing requires trust and trust needs an opportunity to prove that it exists." Roxas defended me.

"So you think we should buy pot, put it in his pocket, and leave him alone for a day and expect him not to smoke?" Demyx put his hands on his hips.

"I'm just saying that if you never allow him to show that you can trust him, then you never will trust him." Roxas put his hands up in defense.

"I'm right here!" I reminded everyone.

"If we make a pact between the four of us to stay together and to not," Axel started.

"We shouldn't be discussing this at all! Aerith wouldn't approve." Demyx balled his hands into fists.

"We never obey our own parents." Axel rolled his eyes.

"Are we going or not?" Roxas asked, his arms folded across his stomach.

"I don't want anything to do with this." Demyx shook his head.

"Well I'm bored. Axe? You in?" Roxas asked and Axel shrugged.

"I haven't partied in a long time, so I'm down. Zex, you want to come?" Axel asked and I nodded slowly in guilt.

"You're taking him with you?" Demyx put his hands in his hair, blowing up.

"I don't care, I'm just going." Axel headed for his room to grab a sweater.

"If you're going, then I'm going with you. Like hell am I going to leave you at a party alone with Mr. Hyper and Mr. Let's trash Seifer's house for the fun of it." Demyx glared at Roxas and then Axel when he came back into the living room.

"Well then, shall we?" Axel asked with a sly grin before we loaded up into his car.

I had never gone to one of those parties, but I was curious to see if it was like it was in the movies. When Axel parked on a quiet block, we walked down a couple streets, up to a house that had music echoing off its walls and people hanging around outside. I wondered why so many people were talking and chatting away on the lawn, but when Axel opened the door and we followed inside, I realized just how big of a party this was going to be.

* * *

><p><strong><span>Author's Note<span>: WOW, I had no idea that it's been nearly 2 weeks since I last updated! I'm so sorry! So I'm slowly starting to map out future events for this story. Trust me, it's nowhere near over. I guess this is a good thing, but with 3 other big stories that I'm working on, I'm starting to feel a bit overwhelmed. I really do appreciate everyone's patience.**

**OK, so screw the "beating around the bush" idea. This party: NOT going to end well. This isn't a spoiler of any kind, cause I'm sure you all see it coming. Any predictions? Alcohol? Drugs? Sex? A combo of the three? All three? Is there something else I've leaving out? What do YOU think? Please keep the faith, this story will have MANY more ups and downs before the end, and I encourage you not to despair as you join me on this journey =)**

To The Lonely Blitz: Yes, Aqua will be in the story some more, but nothing too heavy. I haven't worked out much more of the story than what you're reading, so I still have a lot of decisions to make concerning characters and roles. Wow, that is the other end of fanfic! I read for months, then my roommate finally convinced me to start posting. I remember trying to tell her that no one was going to read it, but the phrase "it cant hurt" is what made me post lol. I guess its paying off Hahaha jk. To be honest, I'm completely unfamiliar with Alpha and Omega =O Yeah, I'm pretty much limited to KH and FF.

To KingdomKuroGeass: YES! I can't wait to see you at Fanime! It'll be weird though, since no one who actually knows what I look like has actually read my stories. Well, my ex has, but she knows me enough not to judge lol. This'll be fun Hahaha. You look like an awesome cosplayer from your deviantart! It'll be my first time, so I'm nervous as hell lol. Yes, please stalk me . Hahaha, that was awkward lol. I love Cleon, you'll see them much more Hahaha. And yes, that scene with the hair…I still need to write it lmao. Thanks! I cant wait to see you at famine ^_^

To Cirxe145: Hahaha, I'm so sorry! I need to cut back on all my cliffhangers lol. Yes, its so nice to see progress isn't it?

To Lukrecia: Lol, yes, you'll learn more about Leon soon enough. Aww, thank you! I'm so happy to hear that =)

To KidaKama: Ok now that is just about the most adorable-est thing ever lol. Aww, I try to be rather boss-es que when I write lol jk jk oh wow, that sounds like a busy list! Aww, well its ok. Maybe one day we'll meet at some other anime convention lol. Lol, phones do come in handy haha

To Kindofabadger: Yes, there will be MUCH more Cleon in this story, and there will be an explanation, don't worry ;) Yay, I'm glad that you're happy….cause…this story is about to take a drop . but what goes up most come down, and that which goes down can only go up from there =) Hang in there hehehe.

To IllMaryZemyx: Aww, I'm glad that I made you fangirl scream! It's my goal lol. I love fangirl screaming, except I look stupid to everyone else cause no one can understand my fangirl needs lol. Awww, I LOVE cleon and I'm so glad that you do too! It really makes me happy to tell you that there will be more cleon to come. Oh god, ok, be patient as I attempt this: I love that you love that I love that you love that I love that you love that I love that you love my story and that I love your reviews…one too many? Not enough? Hahaha. Ooh, nice! I wish you were going!

To camcamgorawraw: Wow, it has been a while! It's great to hear from you! Aww, yay! Thank you so much for reading my work =) Thanks, I really appreciate the support ^_^

To ZeltaFrost: You'll see whats going on with Leon, and why Cloud may be helping, but ….no, I cant give it away ;) Awww, yay! I'm glad that you see the connection! I love how you get that sense of family that I tried to create. Oh no! I'd die if my bf made me delete my yaoi goods….good thing he doesn't know about them . in my defense, we just started dating today Hahaha. No, I'm glad that you felt that tension! It's meant to be felt lol. Hahaha, I'm the same. I always buy for the space I land on, regardless of strategy lol. EWwww, ok, that sounds gross and scary! I actually almost made him fall/get hurt, but decided not to ruin the happiness lol. I wont make his pretty face bleed lol. Love u too ^_^

To FromSoraXWithLove: Yes! Every time you review, I write back =) It's my way of saying thank you for reviewing ^_^ I really do appreciate each and every one. Yes, I usually keep Axel and Roxas around as balance characters, to …you guessed it, balance out the craziness lol. Glad that you enjoy reading this story! ^_^

To Shadowridge: Hahaha, yay, I'm glad that you love Aqua! She isn't in here too much, but I'll try to keep her around. I wont judge. To each their own =) Oh, wow, well, I don't talk to Sarcastic Hypocrite anymore….long story. Lol, YAY for being a Sarabellum creeper ^_^ Thanks for reviewing!

To Keyblade Master13: Yay for making each other's days! Lol. Thanks! Sometimes connecting characters is the hardest part, but I'm glad to see that you feel it works ^_^ Thanks, I love your reviews =) Hahaha, hell yeah! Cleon for life! Whoa, I never considered that! When I write stories focusing on Org 13 members, I usually leave Sora out. Not always, but sometimes. You'll see Sora briefly, real soon (spoiler lol). But as of now, he doesn't fit into my already over-complicated, way too long, dramatic story line lol. No, that doesn't sound weird at all, and I appreciate all of your encouraging enthusiasm =) Lots of Love back, ~Sarabellum

To Otwamewliart: Aww, well I'm hoping there will be a 400, so if you time it right, maybe! ^_^ Aww, thank you for reviewing, and for telling me that you love my story. I love getting such positive feedback. This story has….a lot of twists coming…be prepared, but do not lose hope! That is all I can say for now . Sorry lol. Yay! Thank you for reading all my stuff! I love it! ^_^

To CloudOfDarkness'sProtege: Aww, so close! Don't worry my Zexy, you'll always be 100th to me hehe. Aww, well I really do appreciate all of your support as you review my story. It means a lot to me to see you reading and reviewing, and I'm so happy that you are =) Aww, you telling me that I make you blush makes me blush Zexy! You will make it through. I'll be here to help and support you, don't worry. Stay Fighting Zexy. Love, Dem-Dem.

To RoxasVentusHikari: Hahaha, yes, you do know me well for knowing that this will pick up. Awww, I'm so glad to hear that! I try to update as often as I can, but midterm exams are coming to an end just as Final exams and term papers are starting. I swear they time it like this on purpose -_- lol. Aww, I still have to write that scene! I'm just barely figuring out where I'm taking this story, so I appreciate your patience with me lol.

To Rikuobsession: Hahaha, ….no comment….. I'm so bad at not spoiling things lol. Lets just say, you're on the right track with that wish ;) I'm working on that chapter, with your name as the title! Thank you for reading and for reviewing ^_^ Aww, it was great seeing you there ;) lol. Thank you for all of your support, it means so much to me!

To BuddyFaith: Yay! I love fluff! Thanks, I'm not sure if Aqua will really come up much more, but I would like to. I'm already working with too many stories/plots/characters right now, so it's hard to balance it all out lol. Thank you for reviewing!

To Alice: Hahaha, yay for Aqua! Oh gosh, I feel so nervous for some reason! I hope your bf likes my story! Lol.

To LegendofZelda2: Yes, I love the connection that he and Aerith are slowly building! Me too, but, I can't say anything else concerning his scar . Thank you for reading, and for reviewing ^_^

**Thank you everyone for reading and for taking the time to review! I appreciate all of the love and support, you have NO idea how much it makes me smile. I hope to see you all on Can You Keep My Secret, and No More Broken Pieces ^_^**

**Heart, with all my Kingdom Heartlessness, Sarabellum**


	25. A Drug Addict?

My eyes wandered around, unsure what to settle on. There were so many people that I clasped Demyx's hand even tighter, unable to hear much with the loud techno music blaring everywhere.

"You want to dance?" Axel hollered and Demyx nodded. Roxas and I clung to our boyfriends as they navigated to the living room, where there were so many people that I couldn't walk without bumping into bodies left and right.

Axel and Demyx led Roxas and I into the thick of the crowd where people were grinding and dancing. Demyx kept his hands on my hips and I kept my hands on his shoulders, each of us dancing a little more intimately than I would have expected from him, but I had no complaints about that. Axel and Roxas were hardcore grinding, swaying to the music and creating more body heat and friction in the small compact space. I tried to take advantage of the opportunity as I let my hips push forward against Demyx's groin. Demyx put one hand in my hair and brought his face to mine.

"It's getting really hot here." Demyx yelled in my ear to compensate for the loud music. I smirked.

"Demy's fault." I smiled and he laughed.

Demyx let go of me to look around; we were stuck in the middle of a large dance pit, unable to move much.

I was getting tired of people bumping into me when I felt a hand on my ass, and with both of Demyx's hands freshly on my hips, I turned with disgust.

"Get your hands off!" Demyx pulled me even closer into him as he covered my ass with his hands. Some creep with pink hair put his hands up in defense. I recognized him to be in my math class, and on Demyx's diving team.

"Easy Dem, I didn't realize he was yours."

"Now you do." Demyx eyed him and I gulped. The two stared each other down until Marly left.

"Demy ok?" I asked and Demyx nodded with a serious look on his face. Did he just get jealous of me? It was….cute. I've never been the eye of someone's jealousy, and as pathetic as it sounds, I had never felt so loved.

"I don't want anyone else touching you, anywhere, you hear?" He asked and I nodded with a smile.

"Demy's." I said with a hand on my chest. He smiled and nodded.

"Good." Demyx cupped my face and kissed me. I put my arms lazily around his neck, making out with my love. My tongue followed his in a relaxed chase, desperate for his taste, but comfortable with the moment. I went on my toes, stretching my body for better access to his warm mouth. The lack of oxygen hit us much sooner than usual, with all the body heat suffocating us. When we pulled back for air, Demyx gulped.

"I have to go to the bathroom. Stay with Axel and Roxas." Demyx ordered before he excused himself and I was left with the grinding couple who hadn't even noticed that Demyx left. After just a few seconds of standing there like an idiot, Roxas said something to Axel, then grabbed my hand.

"Zexion? Come on," Roxas dragged me out of the living room and the next thing I knew, we were in the kitchen.

"I'm thirsty." Roxas explained as we tried to find something other than beer.

"Here, have some of this." Some guy with an eye-patch extended us two cups filled with what looked like lemonade.

"What is it?" Roxas asked.

"Lemonade." The tall older teen answered and I looked to Roxas and shook my head. I may have been new at partying, but I'm not stupid. "What? Don't believe me? Here, I'll show you, it's fine." The teen took a sip from each and extended us the cups.

"It's either this or beer, and since Axel's going to get drunk, we should stay sober." Roxas shrugged and gulped the whole cup down in a hurry, his body a little sweaty from the dancing and large amounts of people present. I rolled my eyes and decided to have my cup, tasting it with a shy sip. There was something bitter about it, but I couldn't put my finger on it. With another chug, I finished it, scrunching my nose at the horrible bitter after-taste.

"Roxas, something wrong." I warned him and he coughed.

"Yeah, it taste's funny." Roxas stuck his tongue out in detest.

I tried to think about what it was that I had just swallowed. I know I've had that taste before. I looked into the empty cup, but there wasn't anything that could serve as evidence.

I grew frustrated at my inability to name the liquid that I had ingested, but Roxas didn't seem to care.

"Come on, let's find Axel and Demyx." Roxas took my hand again and we went back into the craziness. The loud music became louder in my ears, and within fifteen minutes, I could feel my heartbeat increasing.

"Where's Axel?" I looked around without any sign of fire red nearby.

"He told me he was going to get a drink, but he wasn't in the kitchen!" Roxas yelled over the music.

"Don't see him!" I shouted back.

"I hope he doesn't get wasted!" Roxas sighed loudly.

"You let him drink?" I asked and Roxas shrugged.

"It's not like he does it often. Besides, he's funny when he's had a small bit to drink." Roxas blushed and I nodded. I see how it is. They drink underage and its funny, but if I have some pot, I'll get locked up. I tried not to think about the lack of sense in that reasoning, but something else called my attention. It was the music. It was strangely…good. It was really good. It was much better than I remembered it being when I first walked in. It was just better, but it was louder, and deeper. The lights seemed brighter, and the laughter felt so much more real. Yeah, it all felt so real.

Shit.

I know this feeling. I've had it before. I used to crave it to survive. It's better than pot, even though its ten times more dangerous. It's happiness, in a pill.

"I love this song!" Roxas jumped up excitedly at some random ass song that I could easily bet he had never even heard before.

"Roxas!" I pulled him back, panicking.

"What?" Roxas' eyes looked bigger than normal, confirming my suspicion. Fuck.

"Lemonade! Ecstasy!" I explained. I knew that this bitterness was familiar, and the symptoms were coming in a rush. Someone must have crushed the pills into a pitcher and into our cups. I didn't know how many pills I had in me, or which kinds, but I could feel it settling in.

"Uh-oh!" Roxas gulped and when a new techno song came on, I could feel the effects of the drug strengthening. Ecstasy acts a lot like a mental drug. If you feel like you're feeling it, you'll feel it even more. I did my best to think negative thoughts, since it's possible to nullify some of the effects that way.

"Rox, home." I said and Roxas nodded.

"Let's find Axel and Demyx." Roxas said, gripping my hand tightly as we went back to where we last saw Axel. I could only imagine how angry Demyx was going to be, but if we could leave early enough, I might be able to logically explain my way out of this one.

"He's not here." Roxas said as we tried to find Axel or Demyx. I sighed. Of course.

"Demyx?" I shouted, out-matched by the music. "Hey!" I felt another hand on my ass, and when I turned, I saw some intoxicated redhead girl that I recognized from my school.

"Kairi, come on," Someone yelled and the redhead winked before she left. I sighed and turned back to face Roxas, face-palming myself when I realized that the blonde was nowhere in sight.

"Roxas?" I yelled, turning around frantically, trying to spot one of the three.

No luck.

Of course. Leave it to me to go to a party with three friends, accidentally ingest an illegal substance, and magically lose each and every one of them. Just my luck. I sighed as I shook my head in frustration.

I decided that the only way to find any of them was to go looking for them, so I started my journey. I must have spent half an hour wandering the downstairs floor, checking every room twice with no success. With each passing minute, I could feel my serotonin levels rising, as an effect of the drug. I wanted to feel good, I wanted to enjoy the fact that I finally got a taste of what I craved, but I couldn't enjoy it knowing that Demyx was going to kill me.

That's when it hit me. Why am I trying to find him if he's going to get mad? I might as well enjoy the drug while I can and then when he finds me, I'll let him lecture me before we make up. I smiled to myself as I went back to the living room, returning to the dance floor. Sometimes when I'm on ecstasy, I'm really quiet and just silently observing in my content peaceful happiness. Other times, I get friendly and social and comfortable. If someone were to meet me without it, and then see me on it during my social moments, they wouldn't recognize me. That's another reason why I liked it so much, it made other people acknowledge me. I had waited for so long, so patiently, to try and have some true happiness. Now that I had it, I can't let it slip away. I wanted to enjoy the moment; I wanted to take advantage of the good luck that came my way. I had it all wrong. I thought it was bad luck that made me swallow ecstasy, but it's really good luck. I get to have my happiness, my fun, and it was an accident. Nothing more than an accident. I grinned as I went to the dance floor and started dancing the night away, enjoying the opportunity as best I could. I was free. I was happy. I was alive. After a little while, I got tired, so I went looking for a place to sit down. I found an open spot on a couch and took it, watching people dance, get high, and make out. I smiled. This is the happiness I craved. I felt so good. This happiness lasted for about half an hour before it was interrupted.

"Zexion?" I heard a familiar voice, so I turned with a smile.

"Demy!" I was happy to see him. So happy. So indescribably happy. "I love Demy." I giggled and Demyx smiled poorly.

"Where'd you go? I was worried sick looking for you." Demyx frowned, sitting next to me after I squished my body into the corner of the couch.

"I sorry." I gulped, offering a huge apology in my stupid state.

"Well, I'm glad you're ok." Demyx shrugged and I nodded.

"I love you Demy." I smiled and hugged him.

"I love you too Zex." He said, but I could tell that something else was on his mind. "Do you know where Axel and Roxas are?" he asked, but I shook my head.

"Demy's amazing. So cute. Demy, I love you." I kept my arms on him, smiling like an idiot, giggling like a little girl.

"Thanks." Demyx smiled but didn't look at me. He was too busy looking around.

"Demy, you beautiful." I started giggling for no reason and Demyx smiled at me funny before he straightened up. I couldn't stop laughing, so I hid my face in my hands.

"Hey, look at me!" Demyx forced me to stare in his eyes and I continued laughing, till I realized that he was checking my pupils. Quickly I shut my eyes, trying to force my serotonin levels to drop by thinking negative thoughts. "Open your eyes!" Demyx ordered again but I shook my head, keeping my eyes closed.

"Demy stop!" I gasped as he shook my shoulders violently.

"Look at me!" he shouted loudly and in fear, I did. He snapped me out of my state as I sat there in utter terror of his anger. "You're high!" He stood up and I shook my head.

"No, Demy," I wanted to explain, but he slapped me. I put a hand to my cheek and my eyes started leaking. Demyx shook his head at me and I reached for him, but he took a step back.

"Don't touch me!" he said, his own eyes watering before he turned away and ran off.

Shit. I knew he was going to get mad, but I didn't realize it'd be this bad. Within an instant, he killed my roll. I sat there, hopeless, my energy so depleted as I decided that I might as well try to find Axel or Roxas. Being caught on E is bad enough, I don't want to be left behind here and then thrown away with Xemnas over one stupid misunderstanding. Shit, I couldn't believe that Demyx hated me and I didn't even want E! Whatever. This isn't good luck at all! Goddammit this is the worst kind of luck.

I sighed as I stood up and started searching the house again. It took me another twenty minutes of checking all of downstairs before I went upstairs.

I checked most of the bedroom, losing hope and gaining fear. I couldn't help but wonder what would happen to me if they already left without me. No, Roxas would let them leave without me. Then again, Roxas is under the influence. Axel certainly wouldn't leave without me…at least I hoped not.

I walked into the last bedroom in the entire house, rolling my eyes when a couple on the bed was having sex. I already walked in on two other couples, so by then I was getting used to it.

"Fuck Riku!" Some brunette yelled as a silver haired teen fucked him from behind over the bed. The two were going at it really roughly, which was actually pretty hot.

"Sora, Sora!" The silverrete screamed as he fell on the smaller teen on the bed. I walked over to the bathroom inside of the bedroom and opened the door, my mouth wide open and my eyes scarred.

I couldn't close my mouth or blink at the image of Axel kneeling and eating Roxas' dick while Roxas sat on the sink counter.

"Axel!" Roxas gasped, his eyes closed and his hands behind Axel's head, forcing it to stay put in his crotch.

"Mmmm," Axel slurped and I stood frozen, unable to look away, unable to think.

"Ah!" Roxas put one of his feet on Axel's shoulders as he came.

"Yummy." Axel grinned as he licked Roxas clean, smiling when he saw me out of his peripheral vision. I was standing there like a silent dumbass mute, my eyes wide in horror and my face blank in uncertainty. Axel looked hazed over, as if he really did have a little too much to drink, while Roxas moaned out of his mouth, which hung open wide as he panted.

"Axe." Roxas whined until he opened his eyes and saw me as well, covering himself with his hands.

"Demyx?" I asked, wondering if they'd seen him. Axel shook his head so I nodded, shut the door, and ran back downstairs, trying to block the image that burned in my head. I didn't want to think about it, but it was normal for it to have an effect on my body. I mean, I walked in on about three or four couples having sex, and then to see my two closest friends having oral….god Demyx picked a bad time to be mad at me.

I wanted to find Demyx to explain things, but I was scared of making him angrier.

I stood on the balcony of the stairs, looking down into the living room, searching for my boyfriend with his tall blonde Mohawk in the crowd of people. I couldn't find him, and I grew disappointed. My roll was ruined, and I couldn't feel any of the positive effects of Ecstasy, other than the fact that the music sounded much better than when I first walked in. I just wanted Demy. I wanted his arms, his lips. I thought back to the moment when he and I were sitting on Axel's couch, just hours ago. I was so happy and warm. I wanted to go back to that moment. I wanted to take this all back, and to spend the entire night safe and content in his heated arms, close to his face, falling asleep to the sound of his heartbeat. I could feel my eyes watering, craving his smooth fingertips anywhere on my body for comfort. I shook my head; how stupid could I be to sacrifice him? But this wasn't even my fault! I didn't expect him to believe me, but I needed to try.

I started walking down the stairs when I saw a blonde Mohawk walking towards the kitchen.

"Demy!" I took the hand, but was shocked when some random guy turned to face me. "Uh, sorry." I blushed before he walked away.

"What do you want?" I turned around to see Demyx leaning against a counter.

"Demy, I'm sorry." I quickly apologized, but he shook his head.

"Doesn't matter." He muttered and I could tell that something was terribly wrong.

"Demy, I love you." I took his hand, but he made no effort to hold onto mine. "Demy?" I asked, hugging his unresponsive body. He stayed silent. "Demy please?" I wanted to cry as I squeezed him. Demyx pushed me off of him and started walking away, so I did my best to follow him as he fluidly slipped between people and around them.

I lost him for a brief moment, catching him as he snaked up the stairs before I rushed after him.

He walked into one bedroom, then came right out, then walked into another before quickly shutting the door. He made his way down the hall until he opened the last door and shook his head. I had just started to catch up when I saw Demyx dragging Axel out by his ear. The redheads pants were slipping down his hips and his shirt was on backwards.

"Ow, ow, ow, ow, hey Dem, quit it!" Axel begged as Demyx let go of him and went back into the room. "He's not happy." Axel huffed and I shook my head to agree at Demyx's rage. When I looked back in the direction of the room, Demyx was pulling Roxas out, holding onto his wrist tightly. He walked up to Axel and I, grabbed my bicep tighter than ever, and kept walking.

"We're leaving." He said and Axel followed as Demyx gave Roxas and me no choice but to follow.

"Dem, are you," Axel started but Demyx interrupted.

"No, but you are." Demyx said sternly as we began out silent walk back to the car. As we exited the house and walked down the blocks to get to the car, no one said a word.

I could tell that this wasn't going to be pleasant as he quickly ordered Axel to unlock the car, which he did before he and Roxas crawled into the back seat.

"Sit down." Demyx shoved me in the front seat and slammed the door. I sighed. He was angry. Very. I turned around to see if Axel or Roxas even noticed, but they were too busy making out in the back seat. Roxas had his back against his side door and Axel was lying in his lap, leaning up into Roxas' lips.

Demyx walked to Axel's door and opened it.

"Hurry up and drive." He said grumpily, but Axel was too busy sucking Roxas' tongue and groping his crotch.

"I'm drunk," Axel chuckled, using it as an excuse to continue molesting his boyfriend.

Demyx huffed as he took the keys from Axel's pocket and slammed his door shut. The couple in the backseat remained unchanged and they were starting to turn me on. Demyx got in the driver's seat and was about to start the car when the sound of Roxas' whimpers and Axel's hungry laughter and clothes rubbing got to him.

"Knock it off!" Demyx whipped around and yelled.

Roxas, who was clearly hitting his peak, giggled. "Demy's angry." He smiled like a little kid, which encouraged Axel's immaturity as the two laughed.

Demyx rolled his eyes, got out of the car, and opened Roxas' door behind him.

"Come on." He yanked Roxas out of the backseat and pulled him over to my side, when he opened my door.

"Get out." He said once in an intimidating way, so I unbuckled my seat belt and did as he said. He buckled Roxas in before he gripped my bicep tightly and dragged me to where he removed Roxas.

"Get in." He pushed me inside the backseat next to Axel. He then slammed and door and got back in the driver's seat and sped off to Axel's house.

Roxas was bouncing in his seat like a hyper child, and when he reached for the radio to turn it on, Demyx swatted his hand.

Roxas whimpered and turned around to face Axel with his puppy eyes.

"No need to hit him Dem." Axel folded his arms, probably grumpy that Demyx switched me with Roxas.

"If you're not going to help me then just keep quiet." Demyx growled. I had never seen him so angry. We rode the rest of the way in silence and when Demyx parked, he rushed to turn off the car and once again dragged me all the way to the front door.

"Ow." I winced at the tight grip he had on my arm. He just sighed impatiently as we waited for Axel to unlock his door, which was only taking so long because he was trying to keep Roxas on his feet.

"Hurry up." He told Axel, who rolled his eyes.

"What's your problem?" Axel asked, sounding just as irritated as Demyx did.

"I don't have to explain my rational anger." Demyx threw me inside the house and I rubbed my sore arm.

"Hey, quit being an ass!" Axel threw his jacket on the floor.

"Quit being ignorant and help me!" Demyx yelled back.

"Stop being angry." Roxas gulped and I wondered if all this shouting was wearing down his high. Ecstasy is a funny drug, because as easily as you can get sucked into it, something negative can actually pull you out of it.

"I'm done with this shit." Demyx sulked to the couch and sat down with a huff. I wanted to sit next to him, especially since I was far from rolling. I'm sure my eyes were still dilated, but I wasn't feeling happy, wasn't feeling free, wasn't feeling good like I always did when I was truly feeling the effects of the drug.

Axel let his body fall on the living room carpet and Roxas plopped by his side, swaying his head side to side, looking bored yet somehow content.

Roxas started sucking his thumb, probably trying to hold onto whatever was left of his high. I smiled in amusement, because I loved sucking on stuff when I would roll on ecstasy, because every feeling is enhanced and feels much better on E. I couldn't contain that smirk when I thought of sucking Demyx. That idea only made me sadder, since I realized how close I was to never getting that kind of chance with my own boyfriend.

"Rox, stop." Axel pulled Roxas' thumb out of the blondes mouth, which made him grumble in discontent. It seemed like Axel was trying to help Demyx now, even though it looked like it was too late.

"Feels good." Roxas whined before he put his thumb back in his mouth.

Axel sighed, he couldn't take his eyes off his boyfriend who was teasing him with his big round eyes, all flirty as he sucked harder.

"Fuck it." Axel pried Roxas' hands out of his mouth and Roxas again whimpered, but Axel shut him up by placing his own long pale fingers in Roxas' mouth.

"Mmm." Roxas slurped Axels fingers as Axel's eyes closed.

"Moooh." Axel let out a moan as Roxas giggled, sucking harder.

Demyx rolled his eyes. I could tell he was unhappy.

"Would you two please stop?" He asked calmly as he rubbed his temples.

I don't think that Axel or Roxas heard him, cause they kept snickering and moaning.

"You want to pick up where we left off?" Axel started nibbling at Roxas' ear while Roxas giggled.

"You can't be serious!" Demyx rushed a hand to his head.

"What's your problem?" Axel asked, but didn't give Demyx time to answer. "Just because you are Zexion just got together doesn't mean that Roxas and I have to wait for you two to catch up."

"If you have sex with Roxas while he's on illegal substances then how is Zexion going to learn?" Demyx pointed to me and I kept silent while Axel's eyes went wide.

"Illegal substances?" Axel turned to Roxas, who shook his head, giggled, then nodded, and then shrugged, and then shook his head with a smile. Right away the redhead sobered up, leaving me to think that he was never as drunk as he wanted us to believe.

"What do you think?" Demyx asked, sounding livid.

Axel sighed and looked back at Roxas, who had just started sucking his fingers again. "I thought that he was just really excited to have sex in Seifer's bed, which is why I acted drunk to not look as bad, but I guess it explains a lot." I couldn't hold back my eyes as they widened. They had sex? I guess I shouldn't have been so surprised, I did catch them having oral.

"Zexion's high too." Demyx sighed. "You know that we're done, right?"

Demyx sounded so drained and my eyes watered as I shook my head quickly.

"Accident!" my voice pleaded and Roxas nodded in my defense.

"Bull shit." Demyx grumbled and I started panicking. No, I'm not losing him over a stupid misunderstanding!

"I don't know Dem, maybe they're right." Axel put a hand to his chin. "I know Roxas wouldn't do this stuff willingly, and even though Zexion might want to, I trust that he wouldn't jeopardize his relationship with you for it." Axel said and I nodded along.

"He's a drug addict Axe; you can't reason with him." Demyx said and at the very sound of 'drug addict', my eyes watered.

"Not an addict." I put my hand over my heart.

"Well you're on a fucking substance Zex! How do you explain that?" Demyx interrogated me and I started crying.

"Accident!" I bawled and Demyx shook his head, looking really disappointed.

"Shh," Roxas came over to me and held me, the serious tension probably ruined his roll.

"He's not a drug addict Dem, quit exaggerating. If anything, I'm the one who willingly tried to get hammered, although the beer was so shitty it's not worth it." Axel moved closer to Demyx, but he stood up angrily.

"I'm done with this bull shit." Demyx rushed to his room down the hall and slammed the door loudly.

"Not an addict." I said in a harsh whisper.

"I know." Axel nodded. "Come on, let's just go to bed. He'll feel better once he's slept." Axel helped Roxas and I off the couch and I followed them down the hall until I realized that my sleep clothes were with Demyx in his room. I wanted to sleep with Axel and Roxas, to give Demyx some space, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that the couple probably wanted their privacy.

I gulped before I slowly turned the knob and walked in my boyfriend's room. Demyx was in his bed, back toward the door, and his nightlight barely lighted the room.

I wiped my arm across my face and quickly changed into my pajamas before I crawled into the bed, unsure of what Demyx would think or do. I wanted so badly to snuggle up to him, but at the same time, I was so hurt over what he said about me being an addict. I rolled over to face the door, away from him, and sighed.

Author's Note: My, it's been a while since I updated and I do apologize. I'm going to the last day of famine in 8 hours, for the 4th day in a row, so I've been without internet, sleep, and adequate food lol. It's a great experience and I'm really loving the cosplaying (I've been Sora and Kairi from KH2). I'll put pictures up on my deviant art (link on my profile page) in case any of you were curious to see what I mysteriously look like O.o lol jk, enough of my creeping lol.

I have to say, that today is one of the worst days of the year for me. It's super rough, because memorial day is extremely personal. I lost a very close friend in a war, so it marks an extremely difficult time for me. Any/all support would be nice. Thank you.

So, do you think that Demyx and Zexion are going to make up? Are they going to continue to fight? Predications? Hopes? Let me know what you think in a review!

To Shadowridge: Hahaha, right? Not Axel's smartest suggestion, but it makes for a good story-line scene. Well, we tried talking again, and soon after, it didn't work. I honestly just don't think we work, not even as friends. We are too much alike, yet we cant ever see eye-to-eye and it creates tension and frustration.

To KingdomKuroGeass: OMG so as I'm writing this, I haven't seen you at Fanime, but I'm hoping that I'll be able to for the last day. And yes, I don't like how Demyx let Zexion go, but alas, it happened. Sorry for the long wait for the post, I hope its not too late to meet ya! Thanks for reviewing.

To AoiZora: Hahaha, aww, yeah, I like crushing emotions, sadly, but I'm glad that you can appreciate it. Also, sorry if I forgot to respond to a message on tumblr, I hardly ever go on it, and if you send me a message on here (fanfiction) then I am MUCH more likely to respond. I agree, poor Demy shouldn't have to be a babysitter. Yes, disappointment is worse, but you'll have to continue reading to see if Demyx is angry or not. ;)

To Rikuobsession: Well, thank god that the cops never came, or that would have been awful! Awww, I think it is YOU who is the sweet one. Hahaha, well I hope that this alert makes you feel better ^_^ Thank you for being such a faithful reviewer.

To ZeltaFrost: Yes, so much happiness…and now it's bye-bye…but not for long! Or maybe? Or maybe not? You can't trust me, I'm not allowed to give away spoilers to my own stories hehehe. It's still too early to say if Aerith will find out or not, guess you'll have to keep reading. Haha, I'll have to add more shirtless Axel in here for ya lol. Zexion is adorable when he expresses his love for Demyx.

To kindofabadger: Yep, you know me so well. It's like you can predict when things will go downhill, lol, which means that I have to shake it up a bit more now ;) Hahahaha, yeah, I have to keep you on your toes. I'm so happy that you're trained lol jk jk. I hear your reviews ^_^

To camcamgorawraw: I'm really happy that you enjoyed the last chapter, and yes, I do turn things upside down sometimes, but it will work out in the end. Or maybe it wont? Or maybe it will look like it will but really wont, or look like it wont but really will. I'm so bad at holding in my own spoilers. You were right that it wasn't Zexion's fault, so congrats there ^_^ Yes, I do know, but I do change things as I go along, sometimes. It makes it really hard to write and post, because when I change one thing, it affects the rest lol. –until next chapter, Sarabellum-

To Cirxe145: Yes, it scares me too, but it's over…so I guess that's a good thing, thinking positively lol. I'm glad that you love the story, and I appreciate all your reviews =)

To IllMaryZemyx: Hahaha, I love your 'I love' button recommendation lol. OH NO! I apologize to your friend, and I hope that they don't cry again, because I am sturdily working on this story, even if I don't update regularly. Please suggest my other stories while she waits for updates for this story. Cleon is one of my favorite KH/FF pairings ^_^ YES, I'm all for fangirl screaming! I have to hold it back a lot, so don't worry lol.

Yukiko no Kyuubi no Kitsune: You are right, it didn't end well, and this isn't even over yet. Haha, yes, my warning is a hint, but it was pretty obvious anyway. I cant say anything about them staying together, or breaking up, but next chapter will really help, that's all I can really say =) Oh no! Did you really cry? I sorry! Lol. Well, you'll have to keep reading, but I promise, I love Zemyx, so just stay with it and it will be worth it.

To CloudofDarkness'sProtege: Awww, cute poem! I love it, thank you Zexy ^_^ Hang in there. Love, Dem-Dem.

1997GeekChick: Yeah, it wasn't a great party, to say the least. Wow, 2 right predictions: he got lost and did drugs O.o Awww, so sorry that I left your stomach in knots for that long! Thank you for reviewing! ^_^

To RoxasVentusHikari: Smexiness is adorable! Wow, ok, you're predictions are always right, so now I have to change up my style so that I can't be so easily read ;) lol jk jk A bit off about the Seifer idea, BUT….nope….sorry, can't give anything away ;) Thank you for your awesome reviews! I love them! ~Sarabellum.

To FromSoraXWithLove: It's totally fine! Thank you so much for reviewing! Hahaha, glad I have you addicted ^_^ Aww, thank you! I shall continue to write, no worries there =) Thank you for reviewing.

To FenrirDarkWolf: Yay for fluff. Oh, hello BuddyFaith! Thank you for letting me know that, it makes it easier to know who is who in the internet world.

To Xiola-Nobody: Thanks! I love hearing feedback, and it's awesome to hear that you like this story. I'm so honored to hear that. Oh, ok, I will have to look that up! Awww, you are so sweet! I love it! Thank you for reading, for reviewing, and for all your support!

To Otwamewliart: Hahahaha, I know right? Go Zexy! LOL. Yay for energy, it's awesome, if only I had some at the moment (it's 2 am and I've been up for 4 days running on 4 hrs of sleep). So I'm going to get off so I can catch 5 hrs before I have to be up again.

Thank you everyone for reading and for being such great supporters in my life.

Heart, Sarabellum


	26. Where I Belong

I wiped my arm across my face and quickly changed into my pajamas before I crawled into the bed, unsure of what Demyx would think or do. I wanted so badly to snuggle up to him, but at the same time, I was so hurt over what he said about me being an addict. I rolled over to face the door, away from him, and sighed.

I couldn't sleep. I wanted so badly to feel his warmth and his comfort. I decided to take the risk and I rolled back over and scooted my body to his. I cleared my throat as I rubbed my face into his back and I put my arm over his side, since he was lying on his side like I was. I was scared, my heart beating loudly, when he took my hand. I smiled, happy, grateful, until he pulled it and stood up, dragging me out of bed with him.

"Ow!" I yelled as he yanked me towards the door. "Demy no!" I begged as he pulled me out of his room and down the hall. "Demy stop!" I cried but he didn't even turn to look at me as he thrusted me into Axel's pitch black room and slammed the door behind him as he left.

"Demy!" I fell to the floor and started sniffling.

"What the fuck?" Axel got up out of his bed and turned on his desk lamp.

"Demy?" I struggled to get on my feet, running back towards his room, just in time to see him preparing to close the door. I thought I could have made it in time, so I sped up, but as he closed the door, it hit me in the face and I fell on my ass. I screamed, frustrated, in pain, and so fucking hurt.

"Hey!" Axel yelled as he marched down the hall and I thought he was yelling at me, until he started banging on Demyx's door. "You open this fucking door right now or I swear to god Demyx, I really will burn this goddamn shithole down!" I sat on my ass with wide eyes and pure silence. I had never seen Axel yell so angrily or so loudly, especially since it was probably around one or two in the morning.

"What do you want?" Demyx opened his door and Axel started panting.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Axel pushed him, so Demyx pushed him back.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Demyx growled.

"I admit the party was a fail, but you don't have to be a major dickwad!" Axel shoved Demyx, hard. Demyx fell down, but grunted as he returned to his feet.

"What's going on?" Roxas came stumbling down the hall next, probably bothered from all the shouting.

"It was a fucking accident, so get over it!" Axel yelled but Demyx shook his head.

"He's a drug addict!" Demyx shouted back, pointing to me, which made the tears silently start up again.

Axel raised his hand like he was going to slap Demyx, but Roxas stopped him.

"Hey, cut it out!" Roxas panted in fear. He sounded just as scared as we all were deep down inside.

"He's a drug addict." Demyx repeatedly softly and I started crying audibly.

"HE is NOT your dad!" Axel screamed and I gulped. Demyx looked to me, and then, he fell to his knees, crying.

"I want him back!" Demyx sobbed, his shoulders bouncing just a foot in front of me and I looked to Axel, unsure of what to say or do.

"I know, I know it's rough buddy. But you can't compare Zexion to him. That's not fair and it's only going to hurt both of you." Axel kneeled by Demyx and put his arms around him. Axel shifted moods so quickly, that it confused my already lost mind, and I struggled to keep up with all the changes. Demyx went from screaming accusations at me, to mourning, all while Axel went from lecturing to comforting. I sat there, my mouth wide open as I waited for a cue that would clue me into the right thing to say or do.

"I can't do it Axe. I can't be near the drugs. I won't do it again!" Demyx put his arms around Axel's neck as Axel continued to rub his back. "I won't ever call 911 asking for a body bag again!" Demyx sobbed as I panted, trying to take in all the wild emotions. I felt like I was a witness to the chaos, but in reality, I was the cause. "I won't watch Zexion get so close to death again. I won't watch the ones I love suffer from something so destructive." Demyx hide his face in Axel's chest as I froze. As stupid as it sounds, I forget that I nearly died. I know that life changing experiences like that usually wake a person up, but I'm so good at lying to myself, that it's easy to act like it never happened. It's easy to forget about my past when I don't want to acknowledge that I actually almost killed myself. But what I fail to take into account, is how Demyx feels about it. I, I guess he can't forget. I shouldn't expect him to, but it's so weird to be reminded about it when I feel like it never really happened. It just feels like a bad nightmare. But for Demyx, it's probably haunting his sleep. He's so sweet and genuine, I feel stupid for thinking that he's not still affected by that one decision I made to try to overdose. All this was running through my mind as I tried to understand his honest pain.

"I believe them when they said it was an accident. If you love Zexion half as much as I know you do, then you should trust that it was an accident too." Axel sighed to calm himself and Demyx down.

"I can't! I don't want to go through it again." Demyx pulled back to wipe his tears.

"Don't blame Zexion for what isn't his fault." Axel stood up and gave me a hand to my still unsure and conflicted feet. I was still hurt, but more than anything, I just wanted Demyx to want me again.

"I…I don't know what to do." Demyx sniffled and Axel sighed.

"Get up." Axel said sternly, so Demyx gulped and scrambled to his feet. "First, you owe him an apology for calling him a drug addict." Axel said to Demyx, pointing at me.

"I'm, I'm really sorry Zex. I know you're not, I just, I'm just scared." Demyx shrugged with hurt and I nodded.

"It's ok." I whispered. Truth is, I was getting a headache from all the tears and drama, and I just wanted to skip to the make-up cuddling in bed.

"And now you owe him an apology for slamming the goddamn door on his face!" Axel rubbed my back as I put a hand over my nose, realizing how much pain I was still in.

"It…it hit your face?" Demyx asked, sounding shocked, and I nodded.

"It hit his face before he fell on his ass." Axel shook his head.

"Zex, I, I'm really sorry! I didn't mean to hurt you. I'm really sorry!" Demyx put his face in his hands.

"Hey! You're not done." Axel took charge in a way I've never seen before. "You dragged him out of bed and dumped him off like shit in my room. How would you feel if he did that to you?" Axel put his hands on his hips.

"I'm so sorry." Demyx sniffled and I nodded that I was ok.

"Now, get your sorry ass over here, and beg for the hug you don't deserve, but that Zexion needs." Axel gave a shy smile towards me and I smiled back.

"Please?" Demyx pleaded and I nodded quickly. I rushed into his arms, just wanting to be held so damn bad. Demyx squeezed me and sighed. "I'm so sorry Zex."

"It's ok. I'm sorry for drugs." I said and he shook his head.

"I believe you Zex. If you said that it was an accident, then it is. I trust you. I love you." He squeezed me so tight, I chocked.

"I love you too." I gasped for air.

"Now give him a kiss." Axel smirked and I laughed as well as Demyx, before he pecked my lips gently. "A real one." Axel said and Demyx blushed. He kissed me again and I let his tongue in my mouth as we made out softly. Our tongues made elaborate circles before he ended with a loud smooch.

"I'm glad you two aren't fighting." Roxas said, holding onto Axel's hip.

"Now, if you two don't get your asses cozy and snuggled up in bed by the time I count to three!" Axel raised a finger and Demyx and I ran to his bed, jumping on in and giggling as we got cozy in the covers.

"You are way too power drunk." Roxas laughed as Axel shrugged.

"I have to get drunk off of something." Axel snickered before he closed Demyx's door.

I snuggled up to Demyx's chest, holding tightly onto his back. I didn't want to let go. Was I mad that he called me an addict? Yeah. But my fear of losing my boyfriend is far greater than any other feeling that I knew. I can be upset that he called me a hurtful name, but I can't imagine watching him dump me. I can't lose him. I'd do whatever it takes to keep him. I truly do love him. I closed my eyes as I snuggled up to his body.

"Zex? I wasn't just apologizing cause Axel was mad. I meant it. I really am sorry." Demyx sniffled and I kissed his cheek.

"It's ok." I whispered, tired. Truth is, as mad as I am that he called me those things, I'm still hiding shit from him. I didn't ask for the ecstasy, but I still crave pot. I didn't want to take drugs, but I still cut myself and I don't even have the guts to own up for that. The way I see it, if he's mad at me for something I'm not, well, at least I don't feel as guilty for hiding something so serious like my thigh.

"No, it's not ok." Demyx sat up. He rubbed my cheek with his thumb and leaned down to kiss my nose. "Does it still hurt?" he asked and I winced. "I'm so sorry baby." He kissed my temple and combed my bangs to my side.

"I'm ok Demy." I said and he laid back down.

"I get mad, and I over-react. But I hate knowing how badly I hurt you." He frowned so I kissed his nose to cheer him up.

"I hurt you too." I said but he shook his head.

"You're doing all you can, and I love you for that." He smiled before he frowned. "Where else did I hurt you?" I didn't understand his question at first, so he continued. "I made you fall on your ass? Didn't I? Does it hurt?" he asked and I shrugged. He forcefully pressed his lips against mine as I felt his hand slid down my ass. I gulped into the kiss and tucked my ass in towards me out of shock before I relaxed and pushed it out, further into his hand. He smiled in the kiss as he rubbed his palm up and down. It felt so good to feel his fingers on my body. That of course only made me feel even worse, because I was practically making him feel guilty just to feel his hands on my ass. But, it felt so good, I couldn't stop him.

"Zexy doesn't need drugs. Zexy has Demy's hand." I giggled and Demyx giggled back.

"I'd be ok if you got addicted to me." Demyx blushed, visible only because of his nightlight, and I smiled.

"We not break up?" I didn't want to bring it up, but I had to know for sure.

Demyx thought for a second before he shook his head. "Truth is, I'm the one who needs the second chance. I know I may seem like I don't trust you, I just, I don't want to be hurt again." Demyx said and I nodded.

"I understand. We each give second chance." I tried to smile.

"Thank you Zex, I appreciate it." Demyx closed his eyes before he inhaled and then opened them again.

"Demy tired?" I asked, seeing how exhausted his red eyes were.

"Yeah. You?" He asked and I nodded.

"Zexy wants to sleep with Demy." I yawned as I cuddled up into Demyx's chest.

"Go to bed baby. I love you." Demyx cradled the back of my head with one hand and he kept the other hand on my lower back the entire night.

When I woke up, I smiled to the feeling of Demyx's hand massaging my back.

"Morning Demy." I whispered, opening my eyes slowly.

"Good-morning baby." Demyx kissed my lips, causing me to smile shyly.

"Demy cute." I smiled, but he only frowned.

"You're not mad at me?" he asked, so I shifted uneasily in the bed.

"No." I said quietly.

"You can be honest Zex; I want to know the truth."

I sat up, not sure how to say what I was feeling.

"I'm sad, cause Demy hurt me and yelled at me." I shrugged, trying to just get over all the bull shit. I don't want him to feel guilty; if he felt bad for hurting me, then I'd have to feel bad for lying to him. The E was an accident, but the scar on my thigh wasn't. If we could just put this all behind us, I can pretend that neither happened. But the more he sits here and tries to make up for his wrongdoing, the more it hurts me, because it makes me realize how pathetic I really am.

"I'm sorry I yelled baby. And I'm sorry that I called you those lies." Demyx sat up, but he didn't touch me.

"It's ok." I smiled.

"No, no its not. I can't treat you that way, it's not right!" Demyx shook his head.

"No one perfect." I said, not wanting him to get so worked up.

"That isn't an excuse to hurt you." Demyx sighed, so I did too.

"Zexy talk more, Demy listen more, we fight less." I shrugged, wondering if it were really that simple.

"I just can't take the drugs anymore." Demyx sighed, shaking his head.

"I'll try." I said, but Demyx interrupted me.

"No, don't try to quit, just quit."

"It's hard." I wanted him to understand.

"So is having to put up with all this drama." Demyx complained.

"I'm trying. Still not enough for you." I muttered furiously. I tried to ignore it, but it was like he wouldn't drop it.

"Seriously Zexion? I just, I don't get it!" Demyx sighed angrily.

"Sorry." I apologized quietly.

"You want me to act like nothing ever happened but I can't do that. It's like you're forgetting that how close to death you were." Demyx lowered his head to his knees.

"Accident." I said, wondering if he'd believe me.

"Don't lie to me anymore Zexion. I'm serious. I'll trust you this once about the party, but when it comes to attempting suicide, I'm no idiot. I know that wasn't an accident, so quit lying to me. I love you; a lot. I'd rather you tell me that you relapsed than have you lie to me." Demyx said, making me gulp.

"K." I muttered quietly. Shit, I needed to change this topic before too much gets out.

"I can't take any more of these discussions Zex. I really am putting all I have into this relationship. I expect the honest truth." Demyx looked me in the eye, but I looked away and nodded.

"Alright." I whispered. I didn't want to tell him anything. I didn't want to confess. I didn't want him to see just how broken I really am.

"Is there anything you want to tell me Zexion?" Demyx asked suspiciously, but I shook my head. "I'm trusting you Zex." Demyx said and I nodded. "I can't afford any more negative surprises."

"No more." I smiled.

"I believe you. Now, can I have a make-up kiss?" Demyx asked, his shy smile enough to make me want to give him all I have. Instead, I just shrugged.

"Ok." I said quietly.

"Zex?" Demyx asked, clearly hurt by my lack of enthusiasm. I didn't want to admit that it was my guilt of cutting that was draining all my emotions. I didn't want him to see just how alienated these scars made me. I didn't want to see his disappoint of my pathetic repetitive failure. Instead, I shifted my pain to another topic.

"Not an addict." I really did hate it when he called me that, but telling him that that's what was bothering me at that exact moment was just another lie of the many I've been feeding him.

"Baby, I'm so sorry." Demyx hugged me and as his firm hand massaged my back, I found myself crying. "I'm sorry I hurt you." Demyx sniffled, which encouraged me to cry harder. Yeah, he was a bit of a jerk the other night and I really didn't appreciate the things he shouted at me, but at the end of the day, I was the one lying to him. I was in the wrong. I always am. Cause I know that Demy cares. I know that he's trying so hard to be the perfect boyfriend when I'm just trying to survive. And I know that he's the one who's still here for me despite everything he knows and had seen. He's the only one who believed in giving me a second chance.

"Demy, so nice." I wiped a tear, but Demyx wiped the rest for me, cause he really is just that cute. When he gets serious and angry, I know it's only because he cares. Because he loves me.

"It's the least I could do for hurting you." Demyx frowned, kissed my nose, then tried to smile.

"Everyone hurts Zexy. Demy only one to apologize." I tried to smile up at him, but I found myself feeling even weaker.

"I'd do anything to take back what I did. I don't like knowing that I'm one of the ones that has hurt you." Demyx's eyes swelled up as his voice weakened to a whisper.

"Demy cares, Zexy knows." I smiled as I took my turn to wipe his tears.

"Demy cares more than Zexy knows." Demyx smiled, which made me smile wide. I truly don't deserve him. Every time I remind myself of that, part of me says that I should just give up because he can do better. The other part argues that I can't let him go, and that I need to treat him better before I lose him. It's just so hard.

"Zexy loves Demy. Zexy loves him so much." I held Demyx tightly.

"Even though I hurt you?" Demyx asked as we squeezed each other.

"Demy cares enough to make it better." I sniffled. Why? What about me made him care enough to stick around through all my drama and still love me? Why didn't my mom care? Or my dad, or my aunt, or my uncle? Why is this precious boy the only one who can see just how hurt I really am?

"Demy wants you to be better." Demyx's voice cracked and when I knew that he was crying, I started crying again too. We held each other, our eyes leaking and our throats clearing as my mind filled with a gratefulness I had yet to experience. I thought back to the first days when I met him, and how quickly things have changed since then. But that's life. Things happen and we may not like them, or think it's fair, but you have to keep up. Demyx is my reminder that helps me stay focused so that I don't slip. He's the reason I've made it so far once my grandmother died. Shit. It's been a while since I even thought about her. Usually, I'm pretty good at lying to myself and faking my problems away, but now that I'm reminded of her, it just hurts.

I couldn't hide my thoughts as I started crying harder.

"Zex? You ok?" Demyx sniffled his tears away to focus on me.

"Grandma." I wiped my eyes even as my tears continued.

"Oh Zex. Shh, it's ok." Demyx cradled my head as I mourned her death. I don't know why it took my so long, but it's like it all finally caught up to me. All along, I've been focusing on Demyx and living with Aerith, that I've been pushing her death aside. It's like it's all becoming so real, out of nowhere.

"I wasn't ready." I sobbed as Demyx swayed me back and forth in his arms.

"Shh, I know baby, I know." Demyx tried to fill the silence as I cried harder.

"Why Demy? Why?" I couldn't grasp any idea as to why her life had ended.

"I ask the same thing of my dad." Demyx's voice went weak and I sobbed louder.

"It isn't fair." I whined and Demyx shook his head.

"No, it's not." Demyx let go of me, his arms shaking like they had lost their strength.

"Demy, you kay?" I asked and Demyx nodded solemnly.

"I just realized that I haven't talked to my mom in a long time, and I'm going to see her soon."

"Why?" I asked, straightening up, my tears slowing down.

"My dad's will is finally going through. It's taken a few years, but there were a lot of kinks the lawyers had to work out. I have to go to court to get whatever he left me, and she'll probably be there too."

"Demy going to be ok?" I asked and he nodded.

"Last time I saw her was when she kicked me out of her car and locked it on me so that I couldn't get in, before she drove away." Demyx sighed and I rubbed his arm. I couldn't imagine what kind of bitch would do that to such a sweet and innocent child. I've been hurt, but I'm reclusive and shy and quiet. Demyx, he's, he's perfection. I don't see how anyone could hurt him intentionally. Then of course, I thought about myself and all the shit I've put him through. Maybe I am no better? I sighed that away before I cheered myself up.

"I'll be here, always." I smiled for him and he smiled back.

"I know you will. My little angel." Demyx kissed me before he squeezed me to the point of gasping and coughing. Demyx giggled as I recovered my breath.

I gave him a fake angry look, which made him giggle more, which only made him that much more irresistible. With a sly grin, I tickled him mercilessly.

"Zex, no! Zexy stop! Haha, Zex, Zex!" Demyx shouted and I laughed as I tickled his ribs. Demyx grabbed both of my hands and held them still as he got his revenge.

"Demy! Hehe, Demy no more! No tickle!" I begged as I squirmed. He sat up with me in his lap, his hands just above my ass, and his eyes were staring deeply into mine.

"I love you Zexion." He said, his words strong and proud.

"I love you too Demyx." I gulped at my full sentence, and he pulled me into a snug embrace.

"I'm so proud of you." He whispered in my ear, once again causing those tears to enter back into my eyes.

"Thank you." I whispered back, letting my head rest comfortably on his shoulder, where I belong.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note<strong>: It's been a while since I posted two chapters this close together, but I figured it'll be a nice surprise =) I've still been super busy, but I wanted to post this chapter before things get crazier with all these essays and exams coming up.

**So, Axel uses his way with words to help Demyx and Zexion! Honestly, I could have drowned out the fight and make them angry at each other for months and have all this drama and tension…..but….that'll come up later in the story so might as well give you (and Zemyx) a break lol. I find it funny how some of you reviewed that Demyx was being mean, and others said that Demyx had a right to be angry because he was the only one who spoke up against going. Personally, I agree with both. I actually side with Demyx on this one, because I understand what it's like to feel like the only 'rational' one when friends have dumb ideas that could result in serious danger. At the same time, I don't think Demyx handled it the right way. I don't know why I'm sharing this, but hey, I think I get a chance to review my own chapter . lol**

**Originally this chapter had a MUCH different ending…..but I'm saving that one for later ;) What kind of ending? My lips are sealed, but you'll find out soon enough! There is still so much to happen in this story that I had to give this chapter a quick fix** .

To Lukrecia: Parties are bad. In all seriousness, I've never been to a "real" party, like the one in the story, or anything even remotely similar. Yes, it was an accident, and DemDem wasn't being nice, but we're getting more reminders as to why. Thank you!

To CatlinP1997: Yeah, I completely agree how Demyx is taking his past out on Zexion. Lol, you were on fire during that last review, I loved it XD Don't worry, there is still much to come in this story! Yeah, my dad is a wounded war veteran from Iraq. I'm still religious, cause I know that he encountered hundreds of cases were he could have died, but God spared him and brought him back home alive. Not trying to preach, I respect all lifestyles and agree to disagree, but just sharing what I think. I did hold through, although a few days after I broke down. But hey, we all have those moments I guess. Yay for yaoi! Lol Thank you for reviewing!

To AoiZora: Awww, well yeah, I'm glad that you read it, but look, it's happier now! Lol. Really? Yay, thanks! I hated writing the party scene actually, and I don't even remember how or why it came to me, but yeah, there it is XP lol. Wow, you want Zexion gone? I see how it is! Lol jk JK! I cant say if you'll get your wish or not, but just keep reading and you'll see. I completely agree, I side with Demyx. Yeah, he was a jerk in the way he treated Zexion, but its frustrating when you're putting so much effort into something and then people risk it on your behalf and then shit goes wrong. Thanks for reviewing, I appreciate hearing your feedback!

To Nacht Schleier: yeah, Demy wasn't very nice….and don't worry, there is still much to come!

To Rikuobsession: Hahaha, yay! Funny how you were the only one who mentioned Sora and Riku lol. Glad that you appreciated that though lol. He really isn't giving Zexion a chance, but that does come with frustration. Looks like he listened though, wouldn't you say? Awww, I love giant make-ups ^_^ Awwww, I'm so happy to hear that an update can make your day! Your reviews make mine =) I appreciate the sacrifice of your family. *hugs back* I hope you're doing alright.

To IllmaryZemyx: Awww, don't cry! Hahaha, I loved being Sora! It was so much fun lol. Well trust me, it is going to get MUCH deeper before the end….stay tuned! Lol. Thank you for reviewing.

To kindofabadger: Awwww, I'm so sorry! . I'm sorry that my last chapter put you in a bad mood, but I hope that this one makes up for it! That is a good point, that Demyx shouldn't have left Zexion's side for a second. And it's frustrating for poor Zexion who deserved a chance to explain himself, but it must also have been frustrating for Demyx who was the only one with enough common sense to try to avoid it all together. Aww, thank you for trusting me! It did get better, huh? You know what that means ;) …..what goes up….must come….. ;) lol I'm so sorry for tormenting you XD

To Legend of Zelda2: It was a pretty intense chapter, but there is still so much to come. Aww, thanks! I try to keep people hooked on my stories, so that I ensure that there will be people reading as I continue posting lol. Thank you for reviewing ^_^

To Jet: Congrats on being "sorta" right lol. Yes, the con was awesome! The pictures are up on my deviant (link on my profile page). Yay! Thanks for reviewing and I hope to see you at a con one day =)

To Shadowridge: I agree, drugs are seriously so over-rated its really disgusting. Aww, I'm sorry. Cheer up!

To Cirxe145: Hahaha, yeah, you'd think that Axel's and Demyx's hair would stick out….but if Axel and Roxas are busy getting it on….guess it doesn't matter much lmao. That's a great point to consider. One small miscommunication, time after time, will really add up.

To gensisluv98: Aww, yes, I couldn't leave these two apart for too long, don't worry =)

To ZeltaFrost: Yes, the happiness went bye bye! Aww, slaps all around! Lol wouldn't that be funny Hahaha. Haha, poor Zexion, he was the only one who got slapped . Poor little guy. I had to put some akuroku in there, I mean, it is my OTP lol. Thank you so much! *hugs back* I appreciate your support!

To Yukiko no Kyuubi no Kitsune: Lol, you're so good at this! Aww, you actually are good at this, you totally called it! I usually "don't do what I want with it" actually. O.o It's weird, but my stories really do feel like they write themselves. I just sit here and put what comes up. If nothing comes up, I don't write anything. It's pretty simple. That being said, I add a LOT of shit that I didn't originally plan on including, and I mess with the order so much it's pretty annoying, but it seems to be working so far =) Thank you for reviewing ^_^

To FenrirDarkWolf: yes, Demy was being such a meany-face, but it looks like things are going to start looking up again, hopefully!

To Xiola-Nobody: Looks like you got what you hoped for! Damn, I forgot just how much more I have to write for this story . it's going to be a long one….sigh…not that it's a bad thing, it just means more work lol. Yay, I'm glad that it is keeping you on the edge! My goal is to do so until the very end =)

To RoxasVentusHikari: O.o French? Moi nu bueno? Deff not Spanish, but I'd say Italian or French…sorry, language nerd, and I don't believe in "google translate" lol. Yep, I agree that Zexion cant expect immediate forgiveness when he's already damaged the trust by just showing interest in the party. Oh trust me, they aren't ready for THAT kind of break up….not yet ;) lol jk. You've got your prediction a bit….backwards…..things are good now, but the question is: for how much longer? What will cause the downfall? All I can say, is in all honesty, enjoy the cute-love scenes while it lasts ;) lol Awww, I'm going to miss you! Don't worry, my stories will be here =)

To FromSoraXWithLove: Yeah, it seems like the lack of communication on both ends really added to the drama that didn't need to be there. Lol, glad you liked it! Thanks for reviewing ^_^

To Rawritsakookye: My, it has been a while! How've you been? Lol. Glad I can keep you on your toes, and I'm happy to hear that you enjoy reading this! I hope to read another review soon ^_^

To Otwamewliart: Awwww, don't cry! Dem wasn't very nice, although I don't think any of them were thinking clearly to be honest. Looks like Zexion's getting his second chance! ^_^ Lol, I hope you haven't killed Demyx yet lol.

Thank you everyone for reading! _**Pictures of me cosplaying as Sora and Kairi are up on my Deviant Art! Check my profile page for the Link!**_

**By now, you know the drill: 400th reviewer will get a special shout out in my AkuRiku Can You Keep My Secret!**

**Heart, Sarabellum!**


	27. No More Secrets

We were resting comfortably in bed, cuddling after we had a minor argument and a wonderful tickling make-up session. We remained silent for the most part, just enjoying each other's company as we held each other tightly, praying that Axel and Roxas wouldn't accidentally stumble upon us as we were enjoying our privacy.

That wish was short lived with Axel and Roxas both slowly entered Demyx's room.

"We need to talk." Axel said as Roxas gulped.

"About?" Demyx asked.

"What we're going to do. I, I don't think we should tell Aerith. It was an accident, and there's no reason to scare her, right?" Axel asked as if he were trying to convince himself.

"I agree." I said, stating the obvious.

"It makes sense not to stress her out about something that we've already established as being an accident." Roxas shrugged.

"Zex, we'll let this one slide. I'm trusting you this once that it was an accident, so I won't tell Aerith anything. But, I just, it can't happen again, ok? No more parties, no more accidents." Demyx said and I nodded.

"I promise." I said quietly.

"I mean it Zex. I, I know I accused you of things I shouldn't have, but it hurts so badly to think that you could be hurting yourself, in any way." Demyx held my hand, but I only looked away. Why did he have to remind me of how pathetic I am? For someone who didn't even know the truth, he was damn good at acting like it. How else could he guilt me about my thigh without actually knowing about it?

"Zex, is there something you want to tell Demyx?" Axel asked, putting me on the spot. That's what I get for telling Axel about my thigh, I guess I shouldn't have expected otherwise. I wanted to kill Axel for bringing it up, but if I showed any anger, I'd be giving myself away.

"No," I shook my head slowly.

"You sure?" Axel asked and when I made eye contact with him, he was glaring at me. I gulped before I nodded.

"I'm sure." I kept my eyes strong as Axel sighed and rolled his eyes.

"You aren't hiding anything from me, are you?" Demyx asked in shock and I quickly shook my head.

"No Demy, I love you." I gave him a small smile.

"I love you too. That's why this is hurting me so much." Demyx clawed at his shirt, right over his heart.

"I'm sorry. I'm trying." I shrugged, not sure what else I could say.

"I know you are, but it's so scary to think about all the things you aren't telling me." Demyx let go of my hand as I sighed. Great, we were fighting again.

"Trying to talk more." I folded my arms, fed up with all this drama.

"Stop trying and start doing." Demyx pressed in frustration.

"Doing all I can!" I wanted Demyx to believe me.

"Well it's not enough!" Demyx yelled at me. I felt my adrenaline rise as I controlled my rapid breathing, wanting to scream at him, but I didn't even know what I could possibly say. I could feel my eyes constrict as my throat swelled with angry words, ready to shout them without even considering what it was that I was about to say.

"Whatever," I tried my best to swallow down all my frustration.

"See, it's like you don't even care! You aren't even trying because you clearly don't care enough to do all that you can." Demyx shook his head at me.

"Yes I am!" I fought back.

"Then prove it dammit!" Demyx yelled angrily.

"Doing! All! I Can!" I hollered back. I could tell that Axel was about to cut in, but Demyx seemed to have been pushed to a whole new level of rage.

"Bull-fucking-shit!" Demyx cussed yet again, which is really rare for him. Sadly, it wasn't rare for me, and his accusation of my lack of effort made me cuss right on back.

"Fuck you!" I screamed, just before it went deathly silent. The second the curse was out, I wanted to take it back. Shit. Demyx's lower lip quivered as he hyperventilated the tears that I knew I caused. To cuss is one thing, but for me to actually direct it at him like that…I knew I crossed the line. Demyx sniffled and whimpered as he inhaled, making it look incredibly painful as he panted in sorrow. I shook my head, not knowing why or what else to do as I watched my love weep.

"Ok, come on, let's go." Axel grabbed my bicep and yanked me off the bed. I scrambled to keep up with him as we made for the door. "Rox, stay here with Dem." Axel ordered before he slammed the door after we left Demyx's room.

"Ow!" I went on my tip toes as Axel walked faster into his bedroom. Once he shut the door, he let go of me and shook his head in disappointment.

"You two aren't going to last. Straight up. You're not." Axel said with a confidence that scared me.

"B-but," I didn't want to believe him, and it bothered me how he sounded so certain.

"You want him to trust you, and to stop selling you short on your progress, but you're hiding shit from him!" Axel whispered harshly as he pointed to my leg.

"I can't Axe. I can't make him sad." I held one of my arms in my shame.

"You're failing at that." Axel put a hand on his hip as I bit my lip. He was right. "Look, I'm not trying to guilt you, but the two of you need to wake up. Seriously. As your best friend, this is getting really fucking old, watching you two treat each other so amazingly one second, and then blowing up over shit that you don't need to the next second." Axel said and I actually nodded. I agreed. "I know that you don't want to make him sad. I understand that you don't want to let him down. But Zexion," Axel grabbed my shoulders as I looked up into his fierce green eyes. "Trust me when I say that if he finds out against your will, he will break up with you. If you tell him, and you explain that you only kept it a secret because you love him that much, he will understand. He won't like it, but he'll understand. If you wait till he finds out," Axel stood up straight and sighed. "if you wait till he finds out, he'll take it personally. And honestly, I can't let you do that to him, or to yourself." Axel shifted his weight to one hip as he stood with crossed arms.

I hated how right he was, but it left me no choice other than to nod and agree. Deep down inside I knew that Axel was only speaking the truth, but that didn't make the decision any easier.

"So, I'm going to ask you, just between the two of us, if you're hiding anything from Demyx." Axel kept his eyes locked on me even as I looked at the ground beneath my feet. "You already know that I know about your leg, but now I'm wondering if there's more." Axel said and I shook my head.

"Just my leg." I whispered, somehow feeling like Demyx could magically hear me from the other room.

"I know I promised you that I wouldn't tell anyone, and it's really hard not to; but Zex, you can't keep hiding secrets this big from your own boyfriend. Believe me, a relationship founded on deceit will not last. And I can see it in your eyes when Demyx holds you, that you hate keeping these things from him." Axel once again read my mind, word for word, as I nodded. "Tell him. You need to tell him." Axel said, but I shook my head.

"I can't hurt him more." I looked up into Axel's eyes, ready to just give up.

"Do you not realize how much you're hurting him right now by not telling him? Demyx hates knowing that you self-harm. But what he hates more is thinking that you don't trust him, and by not telling him, you're proving that you don't. How can he trust you if he can't believe what you say?" Axel proved a good point as I sighed. My head ached so badly from the tears, the shouting, and mainly, the truth itself.

"In past, doesn't matter." I shrugged, trying to convince Axel to let this one slide.

"Oh it does too matter Zexion, don't give me that bullshit. I don't care if the scar is completely faded or invisible. The fact of the matter is, you still cut. You may be telling me and your own damn self that you won't do it again, and I hope that it's true, but my fear is that this becomes a habit. It's not that I want you to tell Demyx so that you can rat yourself out. I want you to tell so that you don't get into the habit of keeping these unhealthy secrets." Axel's lecture started off in an angry tone, but by the time he finished his last sentence, he sounded genuinely concerned.

"Ok," I whispered, once again seeing how right he was, but still hesitant to give myself away like that.

"Zex, you need to tell him." Axel repeated, but I didn't do or say anything. "You just told him to 'fuck off', so I know that this guilt must be eating you up like crazy. Do yourself a favor and unburden your conscious. Come clean, and let yourself heal man." Axel said with a small smile. I had to admit that he made it sound tempting.

"Can't believe I cussed at Demy." I put a hand to my throbbing forehead.

"You're both hurting each other. I want to help you, but I need to know if you're committed. No matter how much you two talk and attempt to work things out, if you're still keeping secrets from him, then it's all in waste. Straight up, a waste of time." Axel shook his head. Damn him for being so convincing and right all the time. I sighed in frustration. "You know I'm right Zexion, admit it." Axel folded his arms again.

"You're right." I muttered.

"See, now that you can say it to yourself, say it to Demyx. He's holding himself back because, in the end, with these secrets, you're only pushing him away. He's withholding himself because you won't let him in." Axel said with a worried, yet loving tone. I looked back up at the redhead, who gave me a half smile. "Let him in Zex. It's not fair for you to be dating half of him, and it's not fair for him to question who he's dating. Let him in." Axel repeated quietly and I nodded.

Was I really going to confess? Axel made such great points, and I knew that he was right. If I waited and Demyx found out, even if it is years from now, he'll take it personally and get mad. The longer I wait, the worse it'll be.

"Really? You'll tell?" Axel asked happily and as I nodded, I silently cried. "Oh Zexion, come here." Axel held his arms out and I wept quietly as he held me. "Shh, it's ok Zex, it's ok. We're here for you. We want to support you. We just need you to be honest. We can't help you if we don't know what's going on, ok?" Axel asked and I nodded as I cried harder, feeling his hand run up and down my back.

"I sorry." I apologized, not even sure what I was apologizing for. I was sorry that I was crying like an emo bitch, sorry that I made Axel upset, sorry that I cussed out my boyfriend, sorry for making Axel hide things from his best friend, sorry for everything.

"We all make mistakes, but we need to learn from them or else we'll keep making them." Axel put his hand on my chin and I nodded. "You ready?" Axel asked and I nodded once again. "Come on," Axel took my hand and led me back towards Demyx's room. As we neared the door, my heart raced. I was nervous, scared, and more than anything, I was still terrified about having to fix things. For all I know, he could dump me the second I walk into the room since I cussed at him. Once Axel twisted the door knob, I held my breath, anticipating the worst to prepare myself.

"Hey," Roxas said as we walked in. Demyx was lying down, curled up on his bed, sniffling quietly as Roxas massaged his shoulder.

"You ok?" Axel asked, moving to sit by Demyx, who nodded as if he didn't even care. "Come on, we should talk." Axel patted Demyx's back. Demyx inhaled deeply before he sat up and rubbed his eyes.

I sat down at one foot of the bed, waiting for Axel to take the lead as he usually does.

"Alright, come on, one circle." Axel moved so that we were all sitting in a circle, and then he offered me one hand, and Demyx the other. Roxas soon did the same, so that we were each holding everyone's hand except for our own boyfriends.

"Shh, it's ok Dem." Roxas cooed as Demyx got out the last of his whimpers.

"So, I'm noticing a lot of patterns in this relationship, and I want to help. If I cross any line or overstep my welcome, let me know. I've talked to each of you privately in the past concerning these issues, so I'll start from there, and if any of you want to jump in, I'll step down. No interrupting, no judging. Just be honest and if you have something to say, wait your turn. Judging and interrupting lead to miscommunications and we don't need any more of that. Just say what's on your mind, and be sensitive to how you're feeling, and how we're all feeling." Axel set up the ground rules, and we all nodded.

"Dem, I'm going to start with you, ok?" Axel asked and my boyfriend nodded. "I know you're going through a lot right now, especially because of your dads will going through. It makes sense that you're scared and hurting, but it isn't fair that you're taking it out on Zexion. Think about it Dem; you're telling him that you expect all this progress, but you're not even giving him a chance. It's like you're telling him you need one thing from him, yet your expectations are so much lower, it's not even fair. He's capable of so much, but you aren't giving him a chance to prove it because you're already assuming the worst. The two of you are setting each other up for failure in the way you treat each other. If you want Zexion to make progress, then you need to support him, and praise him when he does good. Yeah, he had some pills at the party, but he didn't want them, and he didn't do anything wrong while he was under the influence. If you ask me, that's a huge accomplishment. So instead of punishing him for what isn't his fault, praise him for the good job he's doing." Axel said and Demyx nodded, looking down at the bedding right in front of him.

"I understand you're hurting Dem, and even then, I don't even know the extent of your pain. I can only imagine the betrayal that you feel from your dad. I'm so sorry you had to go through that Dem. I just, I don't want to see it happen with Zexion. You're pushing him away Demyx. You're treating him like he's responsible for what your dad did to you and that isn't fair. He may have exhibited some of the same behaviors or habits, but he's trying so hard to heal, and he deserves credit for that. Your biggest fear is that Zexion will abandon you the way that your dad did, but Dem, you're setting yourself up for it. By already assuming that Zexion will relapse into his old habits is to lose hope entirely, and you both deserve better. Zexion deserves a boyfriend who believes in him, and who will encourage him and remind him of what a great job he's doing. He deserves someone who won't jump to conclusions or assume the worst when something goes wrong. He deserves someone who trusts him and believes in him." Axel said and I looked at Demyx, who nodded as he kept his head low.

"And you," Axel looked at me, so I gulped. Axel sighed loudly. "Zex, we've already been through this. You really can't expect Demyx to trust you or believe you if you don't tell him everything that he needs to know. No matter how big or small something may seem, he needs to know. It isn't fair for either of you to be hiding these secrets and holding back from each other. If you want Demyx to trust you and believe in you to continue healing, then you better prove that you've earned it. Withholding information isn't going to get you any closer to a healthier relationship. You know that. All these excuses and all this blaming on each of your histories and pasts is only going to be the end if you two don't take this seriously. And I'm looking at you Zexion because you're the one who needs to open up. Demyx may be narrowing his standards and expectations on his unfair fears, but if you don't let him in, he won't learn how to trust you any better." I nodded as I swallowed my nerves.

"So I'm going to ask you, right here, in front of myself, Demyx, and Roxas; in front of your three best friends; in front of people who love you, hurt when you hurt, and want to see you happy: Do you have anything that you're hiding from Demyx?" Axel asked and I felt six eyes on me as I looked down at my lap. I could see my own chest rise and fall as I took deep controlled breathes, wanting this guilt, this burden, this pain to disappear. I didn't want to hurt Demyx, but Axel was right; by keeping these secrets I'm only hurting him more. If he gets mad at me for cutting, at least he knows that I'm honest with him. At the very least, I can slowly build his trust back up again.

"Zex? Is there something you need to tell Demyx?" Axel asked again, regaining my attention. I looked up at Axel, who kept sturdy eyes on mine. I looked over to Roxas, who smiled at me to encourage me. Then, I looked to Demyx, who looked so cared and hurt, it almost made me change my mind. No. No more. I'm done seeing Demyx cry and knowing that I'm the cause. I can't keep hurting him. No matter the cost.

I opened my mouth, took a deep breath, and let it out. "No."

Axel sighed through his nose, making it evident that I was lying.

"Alright," Axel cleared his throat.

"Wait, I, I can tell your lying." Demyx's voice was small and weak.

"I don't want to hurt you more Demy," I bit my lip as I felt a salty liquid creep down my cheek.

"Don't you see? Not telling me is hurting me!" Demyx yelled in frustration.

"Don't yell at me!" I shouted back, already getting flashbacks of my aunt and uncle.

"Hey, calm down," Axel squeezed my hand. "Look at you two. You two are more in love that any other couple I know, but you both have so much baggage that you aren't even giving the other a chance." Axel shook his head.

"I'm trying, but it's so hard when every time I do, something bad happens." Demyx frowned.

"If you go into this expecting to get hurt, then that's what you'll get." Axel put it so simply, there was no arguing his words.

"I think you two are letting your fear of hurting each other get in the way of how you actually treat each other. I mean, if you hold things back because you're scared of hurting each other, then it's a sign that you really do love each other. That's a great thing, but it shouldn't stop you from sharing, because you both deserve to know what's going on." Roxas added, and I nodded.

"I, I want to tell Demy," I trembled as my voice shakily escaped my sticky throat. If I said that I wanted to tell before I had a chance to change my mind, then I'd be forced to tell the truth.

"There's no judging here. Go ahead Zex." Axel squeezed my hand, and in my peripheral vision, I swear I saw him smiling at me.

I cleared my throat, and then I looked up at Demyx, who was looking at me with curious eyes.

"Demy, I cut." I confessed with a frown.

Demyx inhaled deeply, trying to take it in. He nodded slowly, but repetitively.

"Ok," Demyx continued to nod as he adjusted to my words. I could tell that he wasn't happy, but he wasn't as angry as I imagined he'd be.

"Cut while ago, cause didn't think I deserved you." I said and Demyx actually gave a small smile.

"That's not true." Demyx said and I shrugged.

"Didn't want to tell. Didn't want you to get mad. Didn't want to hurt you." I had to make that clear. Demyx gulped before he nodded.

"I know Zex. I know you've never meant to hurt me." Demyx said, as if to himself.

"I'm sorry." I apologized quietly.

"It's ok." Demyx whispered back even quieter.

Axel took a very deep breath, and slowly let it out to calm down the tension.

"Hey, look at that. You two just made progress." Roxas smiled to cheer us up.

"It's very brave of you to tell Zexion. I know it must have been hard, and I'm sorry if I pushed you too much." Axel said to me, but I shook my head.

"Needed it. Should have told Demy sooner."

"Well, now you know not to keep secrets from each other. You both deserve the truth." Axel said. "It was very admirable for you to tell him on your own."

"Thank you for telling me," Demyx gave a shy smile and I nodded, appreciating his willingness to support me. I honestly expected him to yell and scream at me, but knowing that he was at least able to fake gratefulness meant a lot to me.

"Sorry for not tell sooner." I bit my lip, wanting him to know how serious I was to improving our relationship.

"It's ok," Demyx cleared his throat. It was obvious that he was hurt and bothered, but I could tell that he was working hard to control himself for my sake.

"Its old cut." I wanted to cheer him up more than anything. I wanted to see him smile, and even more so, I wanted to be the reason why.

"Is it on your arm?" Demyx asked and I shook my head. I slipped out of my pajama pants and pulled my boxers up on one side, revealing a faded scar.

"Oh, well that's almost done healing." Roxas smiled at me.

"Its old, but still here." I said, only because I didn't want Demyx to think I was dismissing it entirely.

"Have you cut since then?" Demyx asked and I shook my head. I took off my shirt to show him that there were no new marks on my torso. Then I lifted the other side of my boxers, revealing a clean, pale thigh.

"Thank you," Demyx whispered and I nodded, still feeling really sad and hurt. I felt better for getting this burden off of my chest, but I still felt bad for hurting him by having cut myself, even if it was a while ago.

"There is strength in your vulnerability. Don't let it get you down, ok?" Axel asked me and I nodded.

"I, I want to be honest with you Zex," Demyx said, so I gulped as I nodded, preparing for a lecture, an insult, or worse.

"I'm really hurt that you cut yourself, but I know it's not personal against me. I am hurt though, that you'd wait so long to tell me, and only because it felt like you had to." Demyx frowned and I nodded.

"I'm so sorry Demy." I said quietly.

"Still, I admire the strength that it took to tell me. I know it couldn't have been easy since I've been expecting so much out of you without even giving you a fair chance. So I, I want you to know that I'm proud of you." Demyx gave me a small smile, feeding my hope.

"R-really?" I couldn't hold back my surprise.

"Yeah. I want you to tell me these things so I can help you." Demyx looked away before he returned his gaze in my direction.

"Although I'm hoping that there won't ever be a need for this again, but I am willing to be patient. I want to help." Demyx said and I nodded.

"Thank you Demy. Working really hard!" I tried to smile to prove it to him.

"Might I offer a suggestion?" Roxas asked and I nodded. "How about, from now on, whenever you feel the need to cut, text or call Demyx; tell him that you feel like cutting, and if you can, tell him why. I know it may sound ridiculous and challenging, but I really do think that it can prevent a lot of pain, and it'll build trust." Roxas smiled at me.

"I promise, that if you text me just the word 'cut' as a sign that you want to, or even you already did, I'll call you right then and there. I won't lecture you, I won't yell. I'll remind you just how much I love you and listen to anything you have to say." Demyx gave me a weak smile as I went silent. I couldn't believe my ears. He, he was going to support me even if I fell?

"I don't want you to cut, ever, but I'd hate it even more if you felt like you couldn't tell me these things." Demyx frowned.

"What do you think Zex? That's a really generous offer." Axel smiled at me.

"Think Demy's best boyfriend ever." I gave a hurt smile to my perfect boyfriend, who let go of Roxas' and Axel's hands to open his arms. I crawled into his hug as he kissed my head.

"I want to make us work so badly, I'll do anything. I'm done blaming you for what my dad did to me. I promise to start treating you better." Demyx held me tightly.

"Promise no more secrets." I looked up at Demyx, who smiled. We held each other quietly, hugging and synchronizing our breathes as we relaxed. Roxas exhaled the stiffness away as we all calmed our heavy minds.

"So, we aren't telling Aerith about the party, or about Zexion's thigh, right?" Roxas asked, probably just to be sure.

"To be honest, I think if we tell her, she'd have to call Xemnas. I'll admit that Zexion needs help, but locking him up isn't the answer. I know I'm no therapist, but he needs to be out here with friends and school and opportunities to earn trust and give trust. Locking him up like some prisoner will only create bitterness and resentment." Axel said and I nodded, hoping to convince the others.

"I won't say anything, as long as we use our new system of no secrets, ok?" Demyx asked me and I nodded whole heartedly.

"I promise, no more secrets." I smiled at my boyfriend.

"Alright, well, I'm glad that we got that settled." Axel sighed.

"Me too," Demyx whispered. It went strangely quiet as Roxas and Axel sat at the foot of Demyx's bed.

"Sooo," Roxas cleared his throat in the awkward silence that followed.

"Don't you still have that swim meet today?" Axel asked Demyx to strike up any random conversation to fill the void of emptiness.

"Yeah, but that's not for a few more hours." Demyx reached over and checked his phone on his nightstand by his bed.

"Cool." Axel nodded, clearly having nothing else to say.

"Yeah." Demyx let his head fall on mine as we cuddled.

"Well, this was fun." Axel stood up and snapped his hand, motioning for Roxas to follow.

"Did you really just snap at me?" Roxas asked, taken back.

"Yeah, you know, like, 'let's go'?" Axel shrugged.

"I'm not a dog." Roxas growled.

"I just meant it as a way to get your attention!" Axel said defensively.

"That's what my name is for." Roxas glared at his boyfriend.

"Roxas, I am sorry. Roxas, do you forgive me? Roxas, will you follow me back to my room so we can have make-up sex?" Axel asked with a smile while I blushed and huddled closer into Demyx's arms.

"See, now you sound like an insincere smartass." Roxas rolled his eyes.

"It's just a joke." Axel played it off lightly.

"I'm not laughing." Roxas said stoically.

"Nothing I do is ever right, is it?" Axel put a hand to his head, and I just then realized that these two actually are capable of fighting.

"Just apologize like you mean it." Roxas said.

"I'm sorry Roxy." Axel put a hand over his heart. "I didn't mean to disrespect you."

Roxas nodded slowly. "Thank you."

"You, you want to go cuddle in my bed?" Axel asked and Roxas nodded much more quickly. "Good. Alright you two, stay lovable." Axel saluted Demyx and me before he took Roxas' hand and left with him.

"They're cute." I said once Axel shut the door to Demyx's bedroom.

"Not as cute as you." Demyx rubbed his cheek against mine, causing me to giggle at his unending adorableness.

"Demy, love you for forever." I smiled up at him, wanting him to see the sincerity in my eyes. I had to make this work. After his threat to break up with me last night, I realized just how much I had to lose. I couldn't let him walk away. I couldn't let him escape. He's mine.

"Always and forever." Demyx smiled back at me as we remained comfortably in each other's embrace.

Even as we lay snuggling into each other's warm bodies, I couldn't hide my inner sorrow, even though it pained me to show Demyx that I was still hurting.

"Baby? What's wrong?" Demyx read my frown as I shrugged.

"Feel sad," I whispered.

"Me too. We accomplished a lot, but it was still a heavy conversation."

"Yeah," I echoed quietly.

"What are you thinking about?" Demyx asked. "It'll help me to know what you're feeling." Demyx encouraged me to share.

"Thinking that I'm not good enough, but still hurt." I couldn't shake off that feeling.

"Zex, believe me when I say that you're the only one for me. I love you. I'm so sorry that I hurt you. I'll make it up to you, I promise." Demyx moved onto his back and pulled me up on his chest, kissing my lips repeatedly. We smooched at least a good dozen times before Demyx started shoving his tongue in my mouth. I gulped as I felt his warm muscle slid against mine, encouraging me to widen my mouth as I invited him inside. His hands roamed further down my back as I subconsciously rolled my hips into his. He smiled into the kiss as he gripped my ass and squeezed lightly. I let out a soft mewl of gratitude before I tugged on the longer strands of his hair, draping down his neck.

Our lips continued to mesh as we took turns traveling in and out of each other's mouths, all while our hands explored territory that I had been craving. I pushed up Demyx's shirt slowly and let my fingers trace over a perk nipple, teasing his cute button as I pressed down on his body with my own.

"Here," Demyx panted to catch his breath as he sat up with me still clinging to his body. He started to take his shirt off, so I helped, smiling as he smiled at me.

"I love you Demyx." I gave him a full sentence, trying to keep him happy.

"Thank you Zexion. I love you so much, and I love hearing you talk. You're so cute." Demyx held me tightly as I rubbed my hands up and down his back.

"Will talk for my Demy." I looked him in the eye as he broke into a wide smile.

"Things will get better. I can feel it. We're going to be the best couple ever." Demyx squeezed me with extra force.

"We already are." I kissed Demyx's lower lip, tasting the plump pink as I let my tongue slip out. Demyx shuddered as he exhaled, taking in my tongue as we laid back down.

Once again our hands ventured on their own, caught up in our impatient desire for each other. I played with his chest while his hands slowly traveled down my back, and before I knew it, they slipped under my boxers. I followed my instincts and rolled my hips backwards, pushing my ass up into Demyx's warm hands. Demyx gripped my muscle tightly as I yipped into his mouth.

"Too cute." Demyx chuckled as we paused for air.

"No more cut, no more to hide. Can be intimate with Demy," I smiled, trying to stay positive.

"Exactly." Demyx smiled back.

"I love you Demy." I closed my eyes as I got comfortable.

"I love you too Zexion." Demyx massaged my back as we silently cuddled.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note<strong>: Agh . I haven't updated in SOoooo long! I'm seriously going through a lot right now. For starters, **I'm back in my home city, for another week before I'm moving to Japan**! As if that isn't enough, my mother is having surgery, my ex is mad at me, my ex bff wont talk to me, my other ex got a gf and is sending mixed signals to me, and my old laptop is trash so I had to transfer everything over to a new one, with one small USB drive lol. So yeah, enough of my ranting.

**REMINDER: the 400th reviewer will be getting a special chapter shout-out in my AkuRiku _Can You Keep My Secret_! Also, you are allowed to review more than once per chapter, if you are that dedicated ;P**

To AoiZora: Oh, I see, so you think that if Zexion gets sent away, then he'll have more opportunities that can save him in the long run? Hmmm, guess you'll have to keep reading to see if that ever happens. I mean, think about it though….it would kind of end the story, don't you think? I wouldn't call Demyx an ass, but I do understand your point. I feel like they both have shit that is responsible for the way their relationship is now. Do you still feel the same way after reading this chapter? I'm curious!

To Kindofabadger: Awww, thank you! Yes, I'm on average, a short person, but my size did line up to Riku's height. And thank you again about Kairi! Lol "my Demyx"….i wish I had a Demyx lol Hahaha, well you were close in thinking that Zexion was going to confess in the last chapter. Yes, they both do have a lot of baggage, as Axel pointed out. Hahaha, trust me, this issue isn't completely at rest (spoiler) lol. Aww, glad that you liked Axel's way of parenting, even if it involved being power drunk. Lol, no, trust me, you don't want to peek inside the brain of a college student with ADHD and a mind full of yaoi….actually it is quite entertaining . …lmao XD Thanks for reading! I'll make sure to share as much of my brain as I can in my writing lmao. And thank you so much for your patience.

To ZeltaFrost: Hahaha yes, I try to update as often as I can, and sadly that means that I cant update often, so I just post whatever I can whenever I can. That is a good question, about Roxas and Zexion telling who gave them the drugs…again….you'll have to keep reading lol. Hahaha, consider Zexion slapped, because he told Demyx lol. Thanks! I got all A's…..so all my stressing and studying paid off lol.

To IllMaryZemyx: Awww, oh no! I don't like making you cry! I sowwy! I had no idea it was that intense! Lol, I hope that the end to this chapter made it all better, as they cuddled ^_^ Awww, I wish I had a love button to express my love for your love for this story!

To genesisluv98: Lol, well you got to see Demyx's reaction to Zexion's scar, and you'll see his reaction to his mother in a few chapters, so stay tuned for that!

To RikuObsession: Haha, another Axel supporter! Yeah, I think Demyx went over the line, but personally, I can see why, and I do understand his fear for Zexion's safety, but Demyx was letting that control the way he limited Zexion's potential progress, which I don't agree with. Aww, yay! You have no idea how happy I am that you actually read these thingies lol. One day at a time seems to be the best way to survive if you ask me lol. Lol, you wont have to wait long! Well, you might have to wait between updates, but each chapter will have something, believe me lol. Thanks for reading and for reviewing!

To CatlinP1997: Exactly, I agree. Demyx has a rational fear, but had an irrational way of showing it. Axel made a great ref, and thanks for the positive feedback!

To Rawritsakookye: Yay for freedom! I'm never really "free" because I'm not getting a summer, but I'll try not to let my summer Japanese classes slow me down!

To Cirxe145: Hahaha, ooooooh….*yaoi fangirl mind wanders….* ok I'm back now, after fantasizing about Axel's power dynamics during sex. I actually….grrr now you're making me want to give a spoiler. Well whatever, it wont ruin the storyline and you're such a fantastic reader/reviewer, I'll tell ya: I wrote a lemon for Axel and Roxas for this story. Yes, its still 1st person, Zexion's POV, so you can only imagine HOW I had to write the lemon, but I didn't even think about Axel's virile leadership. In fact, I think you'll be surprised at something when you read it, but I'll leave it a surprise so that I don't ruin everything for ya lol. Hahaha, I love how your reviews get longer with each chapter posted, I take it as a complement, since you said you're thinking deeper with each review lol. I love the complex stuff, so please, keep it up! I find it very entertaining ^_^ Hmm, I see your point about the "mourning forever" and the "chain reaction" that will become a habit if Zexion keeps doing drugs, and after this chapter, I'm sure your concern is shifted to his habit of cutting himself, no? (potential spoiler? You decide ;) lol. Thanks again for sharing all of your complex thoughts! I love hearing that type of feedback, so please, I encourage you to keep it up =)

To Shadowridge: Hahaha, that's awesome! I didn't think of it that way: Axel caused the mess, and then he fixed it :P loll Awww, again, I'm really sorry for brining her passing up in your life. Keep your chin up, like Zexy =) I wish you the best of luck!

To FromSoraXWithLove: Lol, I think it's a best friend thing. Like, Bff's know you enough where words don't need to be said, but they just get it. Hahaha, Axel always saves the day! He's Axel XD

To Alice: Aww, I missed you! Lol. It's ok, you aren't the only one. My cousin has been trying to get me to read it, but I'm too scared to start because I'm already WAYYY too busy, and I already have a hard time updating on time as it is. Hahaha, nope, I'm not offended, in fact I loved that analogy, made me laugh lol. Glad you liked the chapter!

To RoxasVentusHikari: Oh, its "muy no beuno" in Spanish, which I only know because of family. Wow, you know you're the only reader to have said that Zexion was being a little bitch, and I have to say I kind of agree. I was trying to get that across, that he was holding back and that was causing all the problems, but most readers found fault in Demyx, so I'm glad to see that you got the message lol. I mean pretty much everyone else got it too, but not to the degree that you express, which I like lol. Awww, well if there was a way to integrate your screen name into my story I would, but "RoxasVentusHikari" rarely ever comes up in any old conversation . But if you have another nickname or something else you go by that you'd like to see in Can You Keep My Secret, I'll do it for you. Lol that was kind of funny to type out, made me feel a little weird since I know you're young, so I'm guna shut up now before I feel like an old creeper. God I should just erase this all, but I don't believe in "TMI" and I kind of like my awkwardness at times, so yeah….sorry for all of this uber weirdness lol.

To FenrirDarkWorlf: It does make sense, and I understand. Sometimes we truly can't imagine someone else's pain, but it's a reminder that we are all different and can support those whose pain we do understand. Thanks for reviewing =)

To Otwamewliart: Yay, Demy lives! Well Zexy told, but trust me, there is still so much drama to come. Aww, I'm glad to hear that you enjoy the drama that I infuse in this story, cause there is a bunch waiting lol. Thanks for reviewing!

To SoraTrancy: Aww, well thank you! I appreciate every single review =) I love these two so much, that breaking them up would really be a challenge for me lol. Haha yeah, I hear ya there. Writing while home is nearly impossible, unless its after 11 pm (it is currently past midnight for me as I'm writing this), so if I'm home, my rule is I can either sleep, or write. Finding time to post is even more rare, but I can sacrifice an hour of sleep tonight to post since I've already made you all wait too long . Well you got your wish! Zexion told! (Thank you for your patience by the way), but as I warned some other readers, the drama is clearly not all over now. In fact, it's best to act as if it'll never go away, not in this story ;) Thank you so much for reviewing!

To Keyblade Master13: Hahaha, I had to sneak Sora and Riku in there! I mean, who doesn't love Soriku? Lol. Awww, yes, exactly, and I'm glad that you caught that! Zexion thought drugs was the answer, but he realized that Demyx is really the true source of joy that he was searching for all along. Now for the hard part: Is it truly enough? For how long? You know that I can't end it here and make it all happy and cheerful for the rest of the story (there's more than 200 pages left of this story …and that's just what I have typed!) So yeah, don't get too cozy in the cute fluff, but ENJOY IT WHILE IT LASTS! Ok sorry, I'm done scaring you. Seriously though, don't worry about the future, cause soon enough you'll wish you could go back to the fluff, so enjoy their adorableness as it's current. Hope that made sense!

To Xiola-Nobody: Yay, yes, they are together still! Well, it looks like Zexion was a good boyfriend, since he told (of course with the help of the wonderful Axel). I agree! Long Live Zemyx!

To Yukiko no Kyuubi no Kitsune: Aww, thank you! It means a lot to get such complements. Haha I hear ya! I get way too many plot ideas, it's really frustrating to have more story ideas than time Thanks! Sorry for making you wait so long, hope it was worth it! Thank you for reviewing!

To LittleTrancyGirl: No worries! And goodluck with the move! I'll be moving internationally in about a week, so I'll probably be busy myself (still kind of am right now, but I'm sure I'll be even more busy during the move and adjustment). But yeah, point being: I understand! Aww, thank you! I really appreciate hearing such kind words. Hahaha, I'm all for "perfect Zemyx moments", so I'm glad that you and your friend enjoyed it. I hope the end of this chapter was just as adorable, if not, even more so =)

**Thank you everyone for reading, and a special thanks to my reviewers. You all seriously encourage me to continue writing and posting, its so uplifting. Right now I'm at a low-ish point in life where I'm questioning a lot of my friends, and my reasons for talking to people I call friends. You know when you ask yourself why you even bother? Yeah, I'm there, and it's not fun. But writing helps me so much, and knowing that there are people out there who actually want to read what I have to write makes me feel so special ^_^ So sorry for my cheesy moment, but really, from the bottom of my heart, if you are reading this, than I owe you a thank you =)**

**Heart, Sarabellum**


	28. Wont Break His Heart

We stayed there for at least another hour, just silently snugging with the occasional 'I love you' and 'I'm so tired'. As more time passed, I grew accustomed to my spot, right on my boyfriend's heart.

I was so cozy, I could have fallen asleep if Demyx's phone didn't go off with a loud-ass ringtone of some rock'n'roll song I couldn't identify.

"Hello? Oh hey Xiggy. No I didn't know. Well no one told me. Ugh, fine. No I don't have a problem, I just would have liked to know sooner. They said what? Really? Ok! I said ok. Alright, see you soon!" Demyx hung up and sat up, so I frowned.

"You k?" I asked and Demyx sighed.

"The team wants me to practice early, cause the scouts are there to watch the meet! They're at the school with Xigbar, offering him a scholarship if he does a good job."

"You going early?" I asked, too tired to think about going to school on a weekend.

"I guess they told my coach yesterday to inform me, but they couldn't reach me. Anyway, they're at the school now so I'm going to head over and see if I can impress them enough to get a full ride scholarship." Demyx smiled, so I did too.

"I proud of you Demy."

"Thank you baby. You have no idea how much that means to me." Demyx kissed my temple and packed his swim bag. I went to the living room to watch TV as Demyx prepared to leave.

"You leaving?" Axel asked as Demyx hugged me goodbye.

"I'm heading back to the school; the college scouts are there asking Xigbar and my coach some questions before the meet, so Xigbar told me to get down there."

"Great! Good luck dude!" Axel hugged Demyx.

"Congrats Dem." Roxas gave Demyx high five.

"Thanks guys. Bye Zex, I'll text you later." Demyx kissed my cheek and began the short walk from Axel's house to the school.

I hung out with Axel and Roxas for a little bit, just watching some movies and attempting to bake brownies.

"Eww, these are nasty." Axel spat up his first taste.

"Did you add the sugar?" Roxas took a small piece of our first batch and put it on the tip of his tongue.

"I thought Zexion did the sugar?" Axel turned to me, but I shook my head.

"Flour." I explained my role.

"Shit! That means that I doubled the flour instead of adding the sugar!" Axel threw his brownie away.

"Ok, let's try again." Roxas sighed in annoyance as he started a new batch.

"Maybe we can visit Demyx." Axel shrugged.

"You think that's a good idea?" Roxas asked.

"It's not a private meeting; besides the meet is scheduled to start in an hour." Axel pointed out.

"Yeah but what if we distract him?" Roxas winced.

"Well the least we can do is offer him a ride back after his meet." Axel sighed.

"Why didn't you drive him to the school?" Roxas suggested, and I looked back and forth, watching the two have the interesting conversation.

"You know, I didn't think of that." Axel put a finger to his chin.

"Ahem, I want to see Demy." I smiled shyly.

"There you go Zex! Come on." Axel slapped my shoulder playfully as we loaded up in his car and headed over to the school.

"Ok, I think we should wait here until the meet starts. Seriously guys, we shouldn't intrude." Roxas said and I had to agree that interrupting would be bad.

"Fine." Axel turned off his car and stretched. We sat there bored for like ten minutes before I sighed.

"I wait in pool." I said, opening my door.

"You sure?" Roxas asked.

"Meet start soon." I nodded.

"Alright, we'll be there in twenty." Axel winked as he reached over and started making out with Roxas.

I shook my head with a smile at the couple before I slowly walked to the school's gymnasium. I sat down on the bleachers, the first one there as Demyx swam leisurely in the pool. The college scouts, or at least men in suits, were sitting off at the side, whispering to each other. I waited patiently and when Demyx finally noticed me, he floundered in the water.

"Zex?" Demyx caught his rhythm and waved at me.

I waved excitedly back and blew him a kiss. Demyx blushed and swam to the end of the pool, climbing out as his body dripped so tantalizingly.

"You came to watch?" Demyx asked as he shook his head, swishing his wet hair to the side as he shook off some water. It was like he was moving in slow motion, the way his smile grew beautifully, his hair stuck to his fluid skin, and his muscles flexed with each step he took. I had to gulp before I was even able to breathe normally.

"Wanted to see Demy." I shrugged with a nervous smile.

"I love you baby." Demyx kissed my nose and I giggled.

"Go win Demy." I whispered before I kissed the middle of his forehead.

"Thanks." Demyx winked and fixed his speedo. I found my heart to be racing as I tried to keep my eyes north of the equator. I seriously don't know how I landed a boyfriend as hot as him.

I blew him a good luck kiss before he returned to the pool, just in time as the meet started.

Roxas and Axel joined me and we watched as Demyx took first in his solo race, and helped Xigbar and Marluxia get second against the opposing team. Overall, it was a rather close race and a great meet.

After the end, Axel and Roxas went to go get some food while I waited behind for Demyx, who promised to take a quick shower, change, and meet me back in the gymnasium so we could catch up with Axel and Roxas. After just five minutes of waiting for Demyx, I became impatient. Since the scouts and coaches all left, I figured there was no harm of going into the locker room, and besides, it's my school too. I slowly walked in, hoping not to get yelled at or interrogated as to why I was there. When I made it inside with no trouble, I found one of Demyx's teammates. It was the one who gave me and Roxas ecstasy at the party, and I knew that there was something about him that couldn't be trusted. I couldn't help but look at him suspiciously as we crossed paths, but I did my best to shake it off.

"Demyx?" I asked and Xigbar pointed to the back, where the showers were.

"I think he's changing. You're his boyfriend, right?" Xigbar asked and I nodded. "He talks about you a lot. Treat him right." Xigbar warned before he left. I rolled my eyes before I walked to the back, hoping to catch a glimpse of my boyfriend before he was fully clothed.

"Oh, hey Zexion." Demyx dried his hair off with a towel as he stood, dripping deliciously in his speedo. I stood, mouth agape as I oogeled at his fine abs. If his speedo went any lower, I would have to pick my eyes up off of the floor. His skin looked so appetizing, I could have satisfied any hunger by just staring at him.

"Zex? You ok?" Demyx asked casually as I nodded, attempting to screw my jaw back in place.

"Demy, beautiful." I gulped. Demyx blushed.

"Aww, thank you Zexion. You're so cute." Demyx shook more water out of his hair.

"Hug?" I asked as I opened my arms.

"I'm soaked." Demyx looked down at his body, but I didn't care.

"Want a hug." I repeated, so Demyx held his towel in one hand as he wrapped the other around my back. I hooked my arms under his, my elbows at his sides as my hands clutched his shoulders.

"I love you," Demyx kissed the top of my head.

"Love Demy too." I smiled as I kissed the center of his chest. I lowered my hands to his hips, holding them loosely as I ran my thumbs up and down against his sleek, slippery skin. His body felt like magic as I withheld my urge to ravage his skin with my own. I wanted so badly to feel his every piece of flesh.

"Zex, what are you doing?" Demyx asked curiously as I stared at one of his nipples, right against the tip of my nose.

"Want a taste." I whispered, desperate to enjoy more of my gorgeous boyfriend.

"Taste what?" Demyx asked before I lifted one hand to point.

"Please Demy? Looks yummy." I whined, rubbing my thumb over as he gasped and bit his lip.

"I don't know," Demyx said, sounding nervous.

"Just a taste." I smiled to reassure him, not waiting for a response as I pressed my puckered lips against the perk button.

"Eh," Demyx moaned lightly while I pushed my tongue through my rounded lips, flicking over as Demyx gripped my biceps tightly. I took this as a sign of his mutual pleasure as I sucked lightly, alternating before I nibbled as gently as I could. Demyx put a hand in my hair, tugging on silky strands which fed my hunger for more of him. I started moving over to his other nipple when he put both of his hands on my shoulders and pushed me away.

"No more." Demyx huffed, out of breath.

"Demy?" I asked, worried but mostly disappointed.

"Zex, we, we're moving too fast for me. In my room is one thing, but in public," Demyx admitted with a gulp.

"Just want to love my boyfriend." I tried to sound innocent.

"I know you love me; you don't need to do such things to convince me of your love."

"Just want to make Demy feel good." I shrugged.

"I'd rather feel comfortable." Demyx frowned.

"Demy not comfortable with Zexy?" I asked, pretending to sound really hurt to guilt him into more.

"No, it's not like that. I just, I want to take it slow, ok?" Demyx asked, so I looked down.

"Ok." I whispered.

"Baby, please don't be mad at me." Demyx pleaded as he rubbed his hands up and down my arms.

"Grabbed my ass in bed!" I reminded him.

"I, I felt bad for hurting you. Zex, please, let's slow down. There's been so many changes and deep conversations today that I just can't take much more right now. Don't be mad, ok?" Demyx tried to reason with me.

"Not mad." I said, my melancholy voice wasn't very convincing.

"You clearly aren't happy with me." Demyx gave a weary smile.

"Just sad. Want to be close with Demy." I said casually.

"We are close. Once we work on our emotional relationship, then we can advance in the physical, ok?" Demyx asked and I sighed.

"Not a little kid Dem." I said, tired of people making decisions for me. Just because I don't talk much doesn't mean that I'm stupid.

"I know you're not." Demyx argued back.

"Don't treat me like kid." I muttered.

"Baby, I'm not trying to." Demyx's eyes watered. Shit. I made him sad.

"D-Demy, Demy don't cry. I sorry." I tried to make up for my selfishness by putting my arms tightly around him as he sniffled.

"Why can't you understand?" he asked as if he were sad and frustrated by it. "Why can't my words and actions be enough for you?" Demyx asked as I felt like a guilty whore.

"It is Demy." I squeezed him.

"Then why do you keep bringing this up? Even before we started dating it felt like you wanted sex! Back before you even went in the hospital, if I hadn't stopped you, we would have had done it!" Demyx raised his voice slightly as he took a step back.

"If Demy didn't stop me wouldn't have gone in hospital." I muttered before I realized what I had just said. The second the words came out, I regretted it. Did I really just blame Demyx for my stupidity? I couldn't believe I just said those awful words. I shook my head in a remorseful stupor as Demyx's lower lip quivered. He sniffled big before he gulped, looking away as he wiped his eyes.

"I'm sorry I caused you pain." Demyx apologized so sincerely that it broke my heart.

"No Demy, was my fault. I sorry." I reached for him, but he shook his head.

"I'm the one causing you pain. It's my fault. Again. I'm sorry." Demyx repeated as slow tears trickled down his face. Even though he didn't directly explain it, when he said 'again', I knew somehow that he was referring to his dad I figured by then that most of Demyx's insecurities stemmed from his father's suicide.

"Demy stop. Don't say that." I put a hand on his shoulder.

"I don't know what to think anymore. I'm trying so hard, but there's so much you literally just aren't saying and I'm left here guessing, trying to make the best decisions that I can." Demyx tried to smile but it only made me feel worse.

"Demy, you best boyfriend. I mean it." I hugged him close.

"Thank you Zex. I'm sorry if I sound selfish, but there are times when I just wish I could get more feedback from you. I don't like it when I think you're mad at me." Demyx got out the last if his sniffles as he rested his chin on my head.

All I could think about was making him smile; about being the cause of this beautiful boys happiness. If all it took was a full sentence, then why was I intentionally depriving him of something he clearly deserves?

I cleared my throat, nervous. I wanted to make things better; I wanted him to be happy with me; I wanted to heal the scars I gave him.

"I keep working. I promise." I looked up and Demyx nodded.

"Thank you. Why don't you wait for me out there? I'm going to shower real quick and then I'll be out soon." Demyx teased my hair and I nodded.

I was nearly out of the locker room when Xigbar walked back in, smirking at me. Something just felt off about it, so I lingered for a minute before I went against my better judgment and re-entered the locker room.

"I don't like seeing you cry Dem. You're too sweet for that." I heard Xigbar say as I waited behind a row of lockers.

"I'm fine Xig. No relationship is perfect."

"Yeah, but most aren't this shitty either." Xigbar scoffed as I put a hand over my mouth. "I'm telling you Dem, I could love you better. I wouldn't ever make you cry." I felt my chest rising dramatically as I control my breath's, wanting so badly to panic, but I didn't want Demyx to know that I was spying on him.

"X-Xigbar?" Demyx whispered and when I peered over the lockers, I saw Xigbar leaning in to kiss my boyfriend. His lips were nearly on Demyx's when I found myself angrier than ever before.

"HEY!" I screamed, catching both of them off guard.

"Whoa!" Xigbar put his hands up as Demyx pushed him away.

"He's mine!" I yelled, walking up to Demyx and standing between him and that bastard.

"Heh, you think I'm scared of you?" Xigbar's lips curled upward in an ugly smile. I lifted my arm to punch him, but Demyx pulled it back down.

"Xigbar, leave, now." Demyx glared at him. "I'm in love with Zexion, so get lost."

"When this emo freak breaks your heart, I'll be here to put the pieces back together."

"Not emo! Wont break his heart!" I shouted and Xigbar laughed at me.

"You made him cry just a minute ago."

"Our relationship is none of your business!" Demyx grabbed my hand and squeezed it tightly.

"It will be when it's over."

"Asshole!" I leaned forward, wanting to slap that smirk off his face when Demyx held me back.

"Xigbar, go home." Demyx said loudly and clearly, and the idiot turned around and left.

I was panting with adrenaline as I thought about what had just happened. I didn't want to think about anyone else being with Demyx; I didn't want to think about being replaced. He's mine. I, I need to treat him better. It was like that entire incident was a slap in the face, reminding me that I really could lose Demyx if I don't treat him right. I can't lose him. I refuse. He's mine. Demyx is mine.

"Hey, it's ok." Demyx rubbed my shoulder as I stood there, my mind and heartbeat racing.

"He, he want kiss Demy." I shook my head, in a physical pain at the idea of losing my boyfriend. I don't think I have ever realized that he could replace me. I constantly thought about the fact that I wasn't good enough for him, but to realize that Demyx could easily swap me out with someone better….that was literally painful to think about.

"Believe me when I say that I would never cheat on you Zexion, ok?" Demyx kneeled in front of me and took my hands in his.

"D-Demy's mine." I gulped, stating the sentence mainly to myself.

"I know,"

"You're mine!" I said protectively, needing it to be clear for both Demyx and myself.

"I am yours." Demyx smiled. "And I find it really sweet that you wanted to fight for me." Demyx kissed my hands.

"I fight for my Demy." I blushed.

"And I would easily fight for my Zexy." Demyx winked at me.

"Kay." I smiled and held his head by my tummy. "I love you Demy."

"Me too baby. I love you so much. I wouldn't ever want anyone but you." Demyx smiled before standing back up.

"I, I sorry I spied on you." I apologized, trying to earn Demyx's respect and trust.

"It's ok." Demyx whispered.

"I hate him." I growled.

"He's harmless, don't worry." Demyx ruffled my hair as I quickly rushed my fingers to save it.

"Demy! Worked hard on hair." I fixed my bangs.

"Hehe, you really are my boyfriend." Demyx kissed my nose gently as I giggled.

"Demy mine." I said proudly.

"That I am. I still have to style your hair too." Demyx fixed some strands by fluffing them with his fingers.

"Still learning," I shrugged, embarrassed at my shitty attempt to do my hair when Demyx gets voted best hair every damn year.

"You're doing great! I love it. And about Xigbar, don't worry, all these talks, they're steps forward in our relationship. It'll get easier as we spend more time together and as you talk more."

"I'm scared." I confessed quietly.

"Why are scared baby?" Demyx titled his head in curiosity.

"Cause, have to talk more." I frowned.

"You don't have to. But as your boyfriend I'd really like to hear your thoughts and feelings more. If we communicate more than we can avoid these fights and mess ups, which can help you heal." Demyx smiled, but I looked away. All I could think about was the lies and deceit that seemed to start this relationship; all the doubt that I had that I wouldn't make it much longer without cutting or drugs.

"Zex?" Demyx looked scared by my silence.

"Oh, love Demy too much for words." I smiled big to compensate.

"Oh." Demyx smiled "That's so cute." Demyx wriggled his nose against the tip of my nose as I smiled. He's just too cute for words.

Axel and Roxas gave me a ride back to Aerith's, where I helped her with dinner as we ate discussing her plans.

"Winter break is just a week away. Are you excited?" Aerith asked me as I crammed more breaded chicken in my mouth.

"Mhm." I chewed the steamed broccoli before I responded properly. "Still have homework."

"Hopefully it won't take you too long." Aerith shrugged cheerfully. "Are you going to the winter formal?" Aerith changed the topic as I paused to swallow more chicken.

"Maybe." I had never been to a school dance, so while everyone gossiped about the winter formal, I never paid attention.

"Has Demyx or Axel said anything about it?" Aerith asked just before I raised my fork to my mouth.

"Don't think so." I said indifferently.

"Do you want to go?" Aerith continued her conversation as I set my silverware down.

"With Demy." I answered.

"You should ask him. I think he'd find it really sweet if you asked him." Aerith smiled at me as I thought. Demyx is into sentimental stuff, and I bet he'd find it cute if I took charge and asked.

"Tomorrow." I smiled back.

"How are you going to ask him?" Aerith tilted her head as I froze.

"Don't know." I started to panic. I've never asked anyone anything of the sort, so I didn't know if texting him was ok or not.

"I think if you do something special and memorable, he'd really love it."

I nodded, but I couldn't think of a single idea that would really stand out. "Ideas?" I asked and Aerith thought.

"Hmm, well he loves music and dancing, so try to incorporate something that he loves into the way you ask him." Aerith shrugged and I nodded.

That night in bed, I decided that the best way to ask Demyx to go to the dance with me would be by writing him a love song. I wasn't too sure how to work my question into the lyrics; in fact I wasn't sure how to even write any kind of song. I figured that I'd ask him for help while in music class the next day, without giving away his surprise.

"Demy, help?" I asked after I took out the guitar from the back room.

"Sure. What would you like to do today? I can teach you new chords, how to play without a pick, or how to do awesome riffs." Demyx got excited as I smiled.

"Make song?" I suggested.

"Wait, you mean play a song or write your own?" Demyx asked as he and I went to the backroom all alone.

"Make own." I clarified.

"Oh, ok. What key are you thinking of?" Demyx asked and I scratched my head. I've been in a music class for how long now and I still don't even know what that means?

"Huh?" I asked, hoping he'd explain.

"There are different keys you can use to control the pitch and sound." Demyx chuckled.

I shrugged. Even after his definition I wasn't sure how to answer.

"Do you have lyrics yet?" Demyx asked and I shook my head.

"Music or words first?" I decided to wait till Demyx told me before I even began my pathetic attempt.

"There's no set rule. You can start with either. Sometimes I get the lyrics and I just have to pair it with beautiful sounds. Other times I start playing random music and the lyrics seem to write themselves." Demyx smiled cheerfully.

I sighed and handed him the guitar.

"Never mind." I gave up on the song writing idea. Demyx is a true and talented musician. Anything I give him would just be an insult.

"You sure?" Demyx asked and I nodded. He looked disappointed so I tried to look eager as I asked him to teach me a new chord.

"This one's a bit harder, but it's a popular one." Demyx helped guide my fingers as I tried to stretch them.

"Like this?" I asked and he nodded with a bright smile.

"That's perfect babe. You're such a cute guitarist." Demyx winked at me before I blushed so brightly, I had to look away. I wasn't a guitarist, I only knew a handful of chords, yet Demyx always seems to make me feel so accomplished.

"Thank you Demy." I blew him a quick kiss. I practiced that new chord for the remainder of the class while Demyx walked around and helped the other students. The entire time that we walked the track for P.E. I wondered what I could do to substitute the love song idea to ask Demyx to the winter formal.

"I can't wait for break. I feel like all my homework has been piling up." Roxas sighed impatiently.

"Tell me about it. All this reading for lit is driving me crazy." Axel rolled his eyes.

"I can't wait to finally be able to sleep in without worrying about homework or school." Demyx grinned.

"Are you excited for break?" Axel asked me and I nodded.

"I'll miss friends." I shrugged, hoping that I'd still be able to see them and hang out with them during our winter holiday.

"Awww, we're friends." Axel looped an arm around my neck and his other around Roxas', so I put my arm around Demyx's as we looked like idiots circling the track.

"Don't worry Zex, we'll all find a way to see each other often." Demyx smiled to cheer me up.

"Yeah, if my parents don't drag me out of town." Roxas sighed.

"They want to go to Destiny Islands again?" Axel asked, sounding disappointed.

"That's where my family's from." Roxas shrugged.

"Do you think you'll be gone the entire break?" Axel asked and Roxas held up his hands, displaying uncertainty.

"I'm not sure. I hope not."

"That makes two of us." Axel mumbled.

"Well, no matter what, we'll all be here for each other in spirit." Demyx reminded us all.

"Yeah, and I'll only be a text or phone call away." Roxas added, mainly to Axel.

When P.E ended we all went to the locker room to change back into our regular clothes before lunch.

"Hey Rox, do me a favor?" Axel asked just as we walked into our row in the locker room.

"What?" Roxas asked as Axel posed with his hands on his hips.

"Take that off real slowly." Axel winked as Roxas had his hands on the brim of his shirt.

Roxas blushed deeply, "Axel! Come on, Dem and Zex are here." Roxas turned around and gave us all his back as he stripped.

"That's no fun." Axel walked up behind him and held him close. Roxas gasped but didn't fight the embrace, and when Axel started nipping at the back of his neck, he let out soft whimpers.

I rolled my eyes as Demyx cleared his throat.

"Sorry, he's just so yummy." Axel grinned as he turned his boyfriend around and stared deeply into Roxas' eyes with lovers impatience. His gaze was so cute and sincere, I yearned for that feeling.

"I love you Demy." I said, just needing to say it and hear it in return.

"Aww, I love you too Zexy!' Demyx took off his shirt and hugged me. I squeezed his bare back, feeling all his muscles as I let my palms slide down to his lower back cautiously.

"Demy best boyfriend ever." I said to remind him, wanting him to know just how much I truly do want to be his.

"You're so cute baby." Demyx kissed my cheek.

"Ok enough PDA, come on." Axel snapped and we all laughed as we finished changing.

Now that Demyx knew about my thigh, I didn't have to change like a paranoid freak, which was really comforting.

"So what are your plans after school?" Axel asked Demyx during lunch, who shrugged.

"Aqua's out of town, so I was thinking of bothering you." Demyx giggled.

"Zex, what are you doing?" Roxas asked me and I put my hands up in uncertainty.

"I ask Aerith." I said and Axel nodded.

"Aerith?" I went to her office with Roxas, Demyx, and Axel.

"Hello boys." Aerith smiled cheerfully at us.

"Go to Axel's after school?" I asked with a cheesy smile.

"Hm, well, I don't see the harm in it." Aerith shrugged.

"Really?" I didn't realize how easy it'd be to get a yes.

"Yes. I'm trusting you Zexion. Trust is very important, and requires patience and understanding, and good communication." Aerith lectured me.

"Thanks!" I hugged her quickly before I ran off with my friends to enjoy the rest of our lunch.

* * *

><p><strong><span>Author's Note<span>: So I wanted to make this chapter longer, but this was the best place to cut it off before it got too long. It's lengthy enough on its own, but I'm in a good mood ^_^ Just wanted to say thanks for everyone's patience and support! I'm in Japan, which is so different than where I come from, but its cool. It's super expensive though, which is the biggest downside, cause I'll be on a rice and pockey diet for a while lol. Anyway, on to the story. So, we see complications with Xigbar (he's also my 'bad guy' in No More Broken Pieces'…but I swear I actually like Xigbar! He just fits the role. And the dance is coming up! Any predictions on how Zexion will ask Demyx? I'll give you a hint, it's not that creative….I wrote it a while ago when I was really busy. And in my defense, Zexion isn't the artsy type! On to reader responses:**

To FromSoraXWithLove: Congrats to you and your new gf! I'm glad I can provide some sense of an escape. Writing is my truest friend. Lol, yes, Axel is a major win, and Zemyx is adorable! Thanks for reviewing.

To AkixYusei: It's ok, better late than never I always say ^_^ Aww, thanks! It means a lot to hear that!

To LittleTrancyGirl: It's so different than I thought it would be, but it's still cool. Wow, well please thank your friend for her support! Yes, Zexion was so brave, and thanks for sharing it's great to hear how my story touches different people =) yay for adorable endings, right? Hehehe

To RikuObsession: Thanks, chapter 27 was one of my favorites to write, since it displayed a lot of different emotions and sides to each character. To be completely honest, I wrote it so differently the first time, and then recently went back and changed it. Since I changed it, its been a lot of work to adapt the rest of the story to fit, but I hope it'll be worth it. Haha, yes, you have a lot of good questions, but hang in there. They will be answered soon….perhaps, too soon? O.o lol jk jk. Awww, well you're reviews are so sweet and thoughtful and complex, it'd be a shame not to respond! Thanks, things are alright in Japan. It sucks not knowing any Japanese yet. Thanks again, and thank YOU for reviewing ^_^

To Cirxe145: Haha yep, good guess about Zexion watching Axel and Roxas…you'll see soon enough. Thanks for understanding, and I truly hope they're worth the wait. I thought about having Zexion go first, but since I figured he was the center of the circle, it would be best to have Demyx go first so that Zexion could get the true attention he needed. Sephiroth? Oh, well, I'll just say….yeah, Zexion isn't ready to share about that…what am I hinting at? Maybe something, maybe nothing at all O.o hahaha, I try not to give spoilers away, but gosh darn-it you're getting way too good at this! Lol

To Shadow ridge: Yes, the truth is out, and they are still together! I hope things continue to get better for you!

To RoxasVentusHikari: Lol, well you always seem to get everything that I try to hint at while I write, so congrats. Yes, to be honest when I originally wrote chapter 27 (which was 100% completely different), Zexion didn't tell Demyx. You'll actually read the original chapter 27 (with minor differences to fit with the changes I just made) later on, and it'll be a deep chapter, so prepare! Hahaha, you'll get your lemon soon enough ;) Ok, good information to know. I'm thinking about changing the prize because adding people's names into my story Can You Keep My Secret is a lot of work, especially when the name doesn't fit with the story. Instead, would you prefer a personal spoiler? (For any of my stories, I'll let you choose). If not, I can find a way to fit you into CYKMSecret, but I figured I can give you the option. Oh wow, happy birthday! Yep, you're a few years younger than me!

To kindofabadger: Hmm, well I can't say if it's the end of their arguments or not, but the lack of trust thing isn't completely healed. Yep, progress is progress, so proud of them! Haha, Axel was such a great intermediary. Haha, Roxas was holding back, for sure. Aww, thank you! *bows* hehe. Thanks. I hate when stories move too fast, although I'll admit I often want to do that myself lol. Cuddling is always awesome. Yeaaaah, he should delete Sephy's number, huh? No problem thanks for reviewing! No plans to change sites, although if any of my stories come down, follow me on tumblr or deviant art, and I'll find a way to either email my stories chap by chap, or send them somehow =)

To FenrirDarkWolf: Yes, adorably sad, and Axel is great for being that glue between the friendship. Awww, thank you! Such a complement ^_^

To ZeltaFrost: Yep, those two do seem to do a lot of fighting and making up….and Axel always saves the day. Hahaha, yeah, I almost kept it to how I originally wrote the chapter, where Zexion never shared, but I made some big changes and, well, you'll see ;) Yes, I seem to remember that too so it must be right lol.

To CatlinP1997: Awww, that's such a huge complement, I'm honored! Yes, Axel seemed to know the secret to the balance of healing. He's so awesome!

To Keyblade Master 13: Ok, since you reviewed a bunch of different times (smart strategy, you're like the first to do that lmao) I'm going to respond to all of your reviews in this one message. Thanks, it means a lot to hear your enthusiasm =) Thanks, I'm realizing that some people I need to say goodbye to, and others I just need to cut back. Thankfully being on the other side of the world helps. Thanks! She's doing much better now =) Yes! I try very hard to keep Akuroku in here, since I adore that pairing, so you'll see more of them in the future too. And you're such an encouragement to keep writing. Thanks, I will update as often as I can, and congrats on being the 400th! I can offer you 2 options as reward: 1) A spoiler to any story of your choosing. Or 2) I can incorporate your name to be a chapter title of Can You Keep My Secret. If you choose option 1, you get to choose the story/which characters and I will send you a PM with a secret spoiler. OR, you can choose option 2, which is what I've been doing for my readers who get the hundredth mark so far. Your choice ^_^ (Please try to inform me in your next review, because if you choose #2, I'll have to work on CYKMSecret so that a chapter is compatible with your name) =) Thanks!

To Xiola-Nobody: Axel always saves the day ^_^ Yes, Axel is definitely certified to be a counselor, and his circle of truth was amazing ^_^ I actually have had training to do such things myself, which is why I figured I could get away with writing a chapter like that, since I had an idea of how they work.

To Genesisluv98: Hahaha, 'for now'…..you're so smart XD lol seriously though, I like how you worded that. So true. Axel and Roxas have a unique relationship, so I'm glad that you were able to catch that. Don't worry, a real lemon will be coming soon ;) my goal is to have you fall out of your chair lolz. Awww thanks for understanding. I hope I didn't make you wait too long. Thanks for reviewing.

To Tranquil Arcana: For future references, you are not limited to one review per chapter, but good luck and perhaps you'll be #500 ^_^ Thanks, it's been a lot of work so far, so it's great to have some understanding =) Yay for fluff!

To Moobunnies: Aww, thanks! I'm in love with the idea of you being in love with my story! Thanks, Japan is cool! And yay for suspense ^_^ I like to draw it out, if you haven't already noticed lol. Happy Reading!

**Thanks everyone for the reviews, for reading, and for all of your amazing support!**

**Heart from Japan, Sarabellum!**


	29. Never Feel Lonely Ever Again

During periods five and six, I surprised myself by working on love songs. Well, they were more like love poems, since I won't ever be able to write music for it, but it's a start. For the last two hours that I was in class, I wrote and rewrote many drafts of the same poem. After my last class, I decided that it was as good as any poem I'll ever be able to write, so I shoved it in my backpack and got ready for a day with my friends.

Once school got out, we drove to Axel's house, ready to enjoy a day of fun before I had to be back at Aerith's place before the night was over.

We started the weekend like most others: Roxas and Axel played some DDR while I watched and Demyx cheered, and when Roxas was tired of losing, Demyx took his place. I naturally was happy enough to just watch that sexy slender ass shake and glide, but eventually Demyx managed to convince me to dance with him against Axel and Roxas as teams. This time, we won, and seeing how happy Demyx was after totally made my day.

"I'm so proud of you baby! You did such a great job!" Demyx encouraged me as I smiled happily. He truly is my medicine, my drug, my life.

"I love you Demy." I put my tired arms around his neck, leaning on his sweaty body for support.

"I love you too Zexion. I love you so much." Demyx squeezed me as I felt the love pouring from his arms and into my heart.

"Demy, you my everything." I said, no smile, no frown, just honesty.

Demyx's eyes smiled with a sense of purity and raw honesty that struck me like lightening. "I love you now and always, no matter what. You're my life, Zexion." Demyx kissed the center of my forehead as I closed my eyes, too happy to even breathe.

"Awww, ok, I think it's cuddling time." Roxas smirked as he went on the couch and patted his lap. Axel laid down, his head rested by Roxas' crotch.

"I love you babe." Axel held one of Roxas' hands over his own chest.

"I love you too Axe." Roxas combed Axel's hair with his free hand.

Demyx and I sat in the love seat, holding each other as we all remained silent, no noise, no TV, just the sound of our breathing.

"You guys, no matter where we go to college, get jobs, or move, we'll always remember this moment, right?" Axel asked after five minutes of deathly silence.

I shifted uneasily. I didn't want to think about it, but I couldn't ignore that tugging at my heart that caused me to worry.

"Yeah, of course." Demyx smiled optimistically, calming some of the storm in my heart.

"We'll always be here for each other. The four of us, always." Roxas continued down dream-lane while I felt conflicted. I couldn't put my thumb on the reason why, but I just felt so…undeserving.

"Best friends ever," I whispered, just to say something.

"Think about it. College is less than a year away, and who knows where we'll be called." Axel sighed.

"Axe?" Roxas sat up, his voice strained.

"What?" Axel asked, concerned at Roxas' concern.

"What are you hinting at?" Roxas asked, so Axel sighed.

"You know how I talked to coach Lexaues about playing baseball?" Axel asked and Roxas nodded shyly.

"Yeah?"

"Well, Radiant Garden University is looking for a pitcher." Axel shrugged.

"Axel, that's, that's awesome!" Demyx sat up energetically.

"Yeah, it is! I talked to a recruiter from the university, and they're really interested in offering me some kind of financial aid to play for their Junior Varsity team. I told them that it's been a little while, but Lexaues gave me a good word." Axel smiled.

"Axe, that's, that's six hours away." Roxas looked Axel in the eye.

"I know. It's not guaranteed, and I'm stilling applying to Twilight Town University too." Axel put a hand on Roxas' cheek.

Roxas nodded, as if he wanted to understand, but just couldn't.

"I'll support you, no matter what."

"Thanks Roxy." Axel kissed his boyfriend gently on the lips.

"Is, is it bad that I feel, sad?" Demyx asked, which surprised me because, unless I did something stupid which isn't all too rare, Demyx is usually very happy.

"Why?" Roxas asked and Demyx let out a sigh.

"All this talk of moving and distance…I don't want this moment to end. I want to stay here for forever, holding my baby, spending time with my friends." Demyx squeezed me tighter as I squeezed him back. I hated to admit it, but I had that feeling as well.

"I have that feeling." Roxas gulped.

"Me too." Axel exhaled loudly in annoyance.

"Same." I echoed quietly.

"I hate it." Demyx shifted uneasily.

"Yeah, it's like there's inevitable pain coming." Roxas added.

"My life." I scoffed.

"Zex," Demyx started, like he was about to lecture.

"Look, all that matters is that we enjoy the time we have together, while we're together. Who knows, we really could all end up at the same university, growing old together, playing DDR with our walkers at age eighty." Axel smiled to cheer us all up.

"Yeah, I bet Demyx will still be creaming us while Zexion stares at his ass the whole time." Roxas laughed.

"Hey!" I laughed along. "Demy will still have sexy ass." I gave my boyfriend a wink.

"You two! You three! You guys are seriously the reason I'm still here. Thank you." Demyx inhaled deeply, as if to feed his soul his optimism juice.

"Ok, that's enough deep thought for now. Let's go chill outside." Axel sat up and headed for his backyard.

"I agree." Demyx followed after him, so Roxas and I did the same.

"Zex, if I call Aerith and ask, do you want to stay the night?" Axel asked me and I nodded quickly.

"Yes please!" I begged and Axel laughed.

"Alright, I'll go call her. Come on Dem, I'm sure you can help me convince her. You two stay out here, we'll be back soon." Axel and Demyx headed back inside as Roxas and I sat down on a bench in Axel's backyard that viewed half the town. Axel lived at the top of a hill, and his backyard was pretty bare with the exception of a tall bushy tree, a swinging bench, and the stationary bench that Roxas and I occupied as we waited. We sat patiently, commenting on the weather, some nearby houses, and other boring topics.

"It's a really nice day out." Roxas smiled optimistically as we watched some birds fly across the sky.

"Relaxing." I commented, staring at the clouds as they slowly migrated before us.

"I wonder what's taking them so long." Roxas yawned and just as I turned around to glance back at the house, I saw Axel stand up from a crouching position.

"FIRE!" he shouted just as he and Demyx randomly attacked us with water guns.

"Ah!" Roxas fell off the bench and pulled me down with him. He tipped the bench over so we could use it as a shield as I sat there panting. My clothes were soaked, just as Roxas' spikey hair deflated from the water.

"Nice try!" Axel smirked as he ran around the bench and sprayed Roxas in the face.

"Cut it out!" Roxas defended his face with his arms.

"Hi!" Demyx leaned over the tilted bench, right above my head, and sprayed my hair.

"Demy!" I moved, standing up, upset.

"Ha hah ha!" Axel laughed at us as Roxas growled.

"Real mature Axe! I don't have a spare change of clothes!" Roxas shouted.

"I know." Axel smirked.

"Axe, I'm cold." Roxas gave his boyfriend puppy eyes.

"Let me heat this sexy body up." Axel kneeled by Roxas, aimed his gun at Roxas' chest, and sent a straight steady stream of water at Roxas' nipple.

"AH!" Roxas put a hand over his mouth as he moaned.

"You like that?" Axel asked with a grin as Roxas nodded. "Me too," Axel continued to spray Roxas' perk nipple as the two started making out.

"Ewww," Demyx sprayed Axel, who blocked the water with his hand as best he could after he dropped his water gun. The two were making out intensely, their faces wet with water as their hands slid up and down each other's bodies.

"You want to go shower?" Axel asked huskily and Roxas nodded, all while I stood there, immensely jealous. What I'd do to shower with Demyx.

"Movie at eight." Axel winked at Demyx before he carried Roxas over his shoulder into his house. As Roxas was draped over his shoulder, he stuck a hand down Axel's pants. I realized how creepy it was to watch, even if I couldn't really blame myself, so I looked away.

"Those two," Demyx shook his head, and in my jealousy, I got angry.

"Demy! Not funny!" I pointed at my drenched body.

"Are, are you mad?" Demyx asked, his eyes looking hurt. I sighed.

"I'm wet, cold." I shivered.

"I'm sorry baby. I just thought it'd be fun."

"Demy not wet." I grumbled.

"I love water," Demyx shrugged with a shy smile. I looked away.

"Well I don't," I whispered, knowing that he'd take it personally since water is pretty much his life.

"I, I'm sorry." The toy gun fell out of Demyx's hands as he looked down. He looked defeated, and it hurt me.

"It's kay Demy." I walked up to him.

"Anything I can do to make it up to you?" Demyx asked and I bit my lip.

"Help me clean up?" I asked, holding out my dripping arms.

"Sure," Demyx grinned. "I have some spare clothes you can fit into, and Aerith said you can stay the night with us too!" Demyx held his hand out and I took it. We went into his room and I started taking off my wet shirt.

"Towel?" I asked, shivering dramatically. Demyx ran off and returned with a towel, drying off my chest, arms, and back as I watched smiling. "Thank you." I giggled after he plopped the towel on my head.

Sadly my pants and boxers were still dry enough to not give me an excuse to strip, but I still took the long basketball shorts that Demyx gave me and quickly changed into them, wishing my boxers were soaked so I could have an opportunity to get intimate with my boyfriend.

"Here, I love this band." Demyx handed me a black shirt with some hot band members on it.

"Thank you Demy." I lifted my hands up, wanting Demy to put it on me.

"Hehe, here you go." Demyx helped me change.

"Comfy." I rubbed the shirt against my chest.

"You look so cute." Demyx put his hands on my lower back.

"Just like my boyfriend." I smiled as Demyx blushed.

"I love you Zexion, I really really do." Demyx kissed my lips softly.

"I love you too Demy."

"You want to go snuggle?" Demyx asked, squeezing my hands.

"Yes!" I rushed off to the couch with Demyx trailing behind me.

Demyx rested his back on the couch with his head up against the armrest, while I squeezed myself between his legs with my head on his chest, holding onto his body. I looped my arms around his back, wanting to get as much of Demyx as I could, wishing I could stay there forever.

"We've been through a lot, Zex. But I'm so happy we've made it together." Demyx squeezed me and I scooted up on his body to kiss his chin.

"Love you Demy." I got comfortable with my lips against his neck.

"I love you too Zexion."

The two of us laid there comfortably for a while, silently cuddling as I took in every second of quiet, calm, joy.

"I'm getting sleepy," Demyx yawned.

"Goodnight Demy," I smiled as I rubbed my cheek on his chest.

"Zex, promise me that this'll last forever." Demyx said, so I pushed myself up, my stomach and legs still on his body, but my torso was supported by my scrawny arms.

"It'll last." I shook my head to get my bangs out of my face, and then kissed Demyx's lips.

"I love your kisses." Demyx closed his eyes and I smiled as I returned my head to his chest.

"I love you." I exhaled quietly, wanting to sleep in his arms and never feel lonely ever again.

* * *

><p><strong><span>Author's Note<span>: As much as I wish I could extend this chapter, if I don't cut it here, it'll be way too long (ok, I know there is no such thing, but I have to pace myself since I've been busier than usual and haven't been able to write much lately). But I had my Japanese midterm today and I feel really good about it, so I'm rewarding myself by rewarding you with this chapter update ^_^**

I hope you enjoyed this cutsie chapter!

To KingdomKuroGeass: Haha, I'm glad that you enjoy the Zemyx pairing just as much as I do ^_^ Awww, well I'm glad to hear that you like this story enough to say it every chapter lolz. Haha its ok, having perfect grammar is nearly impossible, trust me I know lol. Hope you enjoyed your time camping!

To Moobunnies: Hahaha, I love the reference to the movie Elf! Awesome!

To x-Trisana-Skystorm-x: Yes, I agree that they have so much work to do. And I'm glad to hear that you like the story and the last chapter =) Yes Axel always saves the day ^_^ Such a hero. Thanks, so far its pretty good, although my class is a huge pain.

To I'llMaryZemyx: Aww, it's ok, better late than never hehehe. It's ridiculously hot here. I don't even want to go outside for anything, its too humid. Haha, yes, in honor of square enix, I shall write as much as I can ^_^

To Candystar: Hey! Nice to meet you lol. Aww, I'm so happy to hear that you like this chapter! Demyx is one of my fav's so I'm glad you like his character in this story. Zemyx for life ^_^

To Rawritsakookye: Thanks! Glad to hear from you as always =)

To ZeltaFrost: I would love to let Zexion take Xigbar down, but sorry, it's not in the story . Haha, I love that scene too, where Zexion is just watching Roxas and Axel talking. And yes, Aerith is a strong encouragement for Zexion. Yes, it was a guy with an eye-patch (therefore, Xigbar). Japan is nice, way too hot, and extremely expensive

To AoiZora: Hmm, that is a good point. Trust me, there is a lot on the way. I completely agree that sending him away on bad terms would be a bad thing, and a short separation would be most helpful. So, I encourage you to keep reading until you find out what happens ;) hehe. Ok, I agree even MORE with what you said about Zexion doing something to help himself. He needs to put himself first in terms of his happiness and well being, because doing things for Demyx will only get him so far in life. Man I could go on about it but you seem to know already so I wont lol. It's ok that you didn't review earlier. I'm glad you told me that it was you who had that review, because I read it at first and was like "Ah this is so on track but I don't know who to give credit too! Lol. About chapter 28, yes, Zexion has been working hard, and his strength is paying off. Aww, more Akuroku to come! Hmm, well I can see why, it is a pretty scary line to hear.

To genesisluv98: I'm glad that you see how easily Xigbar fills this role, and I'm happy to hear that you enjoyed the chapter. Haha, more brownies on the way, although I think I call them lemons, if I'm assuming correctly. Thanks! Arigatou ^_^

To Kindofabadger: Haha, glad that pool Demyx can serve as a good visual lol. Yes, he makes a great bad guy, and I like Xigbar too, but he just fits this all too well I think. Little fights seem to be common with them, and sadly I can't give much else away . Yes, I think if I had a pair of friends like Axel and Roxas who were dating in front of me and whoever I'd be with, I'd be so super jealous too!

To KeybladeMaster13: Ah, sorry I didn't give you your reward sooner! In case you haven't noticed, chater 8 is up, revealing how Reno was released from the hospital. I will send you an private Message with a spoiler for NMBPieces that no one else knows ^_^ Thank you so much for your patience, I apologize again!

To .demon: Aww, well I hope that one day you will find such love! No, I have never been tied down that way and I truly hope that neither myself nor anyone I know ever experiences that.

To dpm41196: Hmmm, I never thought about that honestly. That would be an interesting direction to go into, but it wouldn't work with the storyline as I currently envision it, but who knows, I change things as I go all the time ^_^

To FromSoraXWithLove: You know you're a true fan when I didn't recognize your picture because I've pretty much memorized your avatar with your name lol. Sorry if I sound like a creeper lol. Aww, thanks for the award! Yeah, I've been out and its great! It's just hard because I'm here as a student, not a sight-see'er or on vacation. I'm taking a years worth of Japanese classes in a 6 week "intensive summer course" which is pretty much as awful as it sounds. But it's paying off, despite all the work and stress.

To Guest: Right? I love possessive Zexy! I know I'd be the same way, and I found it cute. Haha, Roxy, I wouldn't call him poor with someone as hot as Axel giving him all that attention lol. Aww, thank you! Haha, thanks again, I need all the luck I can get lol.

To FenrirDarkWolf: Yes Xiggy was totally in the way! So not cool, and poor Zexy just trying to defend what is his.

To LuckyCat222: Awww, well I went aww when I read how you went aww. Thank you so much for that lovely compliment! It made me smile ^_^ Hope the wait was worth it =)

**Thank you everyone for reading and for all of your support. I will try to update as regularly and often as I can! Thank you for all of the "good luck" wishes now that I'm in japan. I truly need it since I'm crushing on a hot guy who seems interested, but he doesn't speak English and I don't speak Japanese….yeah….it's pretty complicated, but he still managed to make me smile when we met lol. I'm so cheesy like that XD**

**Don't forget to check out my other stories while you wait for updates!**

**Heart, Sarabellum**


	30. So Madly in Love with You

The two of us laid there comfortably for a while, silently cuddling as I took in every second of quiet, calm, joy.

"I'm getting sleepy," Demyx yawned.

"Goodnight Demy," I smiled as I rubbed my cheek on his chest.

"Zex, promise me that this'll last forever." Demyx said, so I pushed myself up, my stomach and legs still on his body, but my torso was supported by my scrawny arms.

"It'll last." I shook my head to get my bangs out of my face, and then kissed Demyx's lips.

"I love your kisses." Demyx closed his eyes and I smiled as I returned my head to his chest.

"I love you." I exhaled quietly, wanting to sleep in his arms and never feel lonely ever again.

"I, I have to go to the bathroom." Demyx blushed. "I love water, but drinking so much of it can be a pain." Demyx giggled.

"It's okay." I sat up and scooted off of my boyfriend.

"I'll be back." Demyx teased my hair as I nodded.

I decided to stretch my legs and walk around the house, bored and a bit hungry.

I figured that looking for Axel would be the best idea, cause I wasn't comfortable enough in his house to just eat whatever without asking, even though Demyx and Roxas do that all the time.

Anyway, I remembered Axel asking Roxas if he wanted to shower, so I quietly walked into Axel's room, hearing the shower as it ran.

"Mmm, yeah, oh god Axe." I heard Roxas moan.

"Yeah, you like that baby?" Axel asked huskily.

"Oh, oh, harder!" Roxas cried and I gulped, making it a point to escape quickly to the living room.

"Much better." Demyx came out of the bathroom just as I sat on the couch, my face red.

"Welcome back." I tried to hide my reaction to hearing such dangerously exciting language.

"You ok?" Demyx asked, looking at me funny while I cleared my throat.

"Huh? Oh yeah, just missed Demy." I gave a cheesy smile to compensate for my nerves.

"Aww, I missed you too baby." Demyx sat down by my side and rested his head on my shoulder. "I think I'm ready for naptime again." Demyx got cozy as I laid down and let him rest on my tummy.

"Hehe, that tickles." I couldn't help but laugh as Demyx circled his fingers around my navel.

"You're so cute when you're ticklish." Demyx lifted up my shirt and kissed my tummy, just over my belly button as I squirmed.

"No tickle!" I giggled as Demyx slowed his hands down and kissed my tummy.

"You're adorable," Demyx rested his chin on my head.

"Demy, you're the cutest." I put my hands in his Mohawk and played with the silky strands.

"Oh my god!" Demyx sat up so suddenly.

"What?" I sat up too, scared for whatever it was that gained his attention.

"I want to do your hair!" Demyx bounced on the couch.

"Oh, ok." I shrugged skeptically, a bit intimidated by his enthusiasm.

"Yay! Come on!" Demyx jumped off the couch, snatched my hand, and dragged me into his room.

"Whoa," I widened my eyes when Demyx opened a drawer that I had never before seen, filled with hair care products that I couldn't even identify.

"What you're looking at here is my private collection of hair care products, which I use to get this perfect Mohawk to stay in mint condition." Demyx fixed his already flawless hair.

"Demy's hair so amazing." I looked up at it.

"Aww, thank you baby. Don't worry, I'll take great care of your sexy hair." Demyx fingered my hair slowly, as if he were trying to study it.

"Go ahead," I shrugged, trusting Demyx to know hair better than anyone.

"Ok, why don't you sit here," Demyx patted a stool in front of his long wide mirror over his dresser.

I did as he said and waited patiently as he started applying some sticky product into my hair. He combed it out, then started combing it backwards.

"What you doing?" I asked curiously as he sprayed some hair spray shit.

"It's called teasing. You shouldn't do it every day, but once in a while isn't so bad. And this isn't like hair spray, even though it looks like it. It's much softer on the hair, so it's less dangerous." Demyx lowered his head to my hair to perfect individual strands.

"Book?" I asked, pointing to a book on astronomy on Demyx's nightstand.

"Oh yeah, I need it for my science paper, and it's really interesting. It's got pictures." Demyx shrugged as he left to hand it to me before he took out some other kind of product.

"Looks good." I flipped open some pages and started reading. I hate fiction books because they're too focused on love and fake emotions, but science books and biographies really do peak my interest.

"I think you'll enjoy it." Demyx smiled as he finished teasing my hair.

I read the book, or as much as I could in fifteen minutes while Demyx continued working on my hair, which included the use of a flat iron.

"All finished!" Demyx clapped and when I looked up from my book, my eyes did a double take.

"Damn!" I gulped as I saw my crazy hair. My bangs were straightened along my face and the side of my hair was teased to add volume that made my layers stand out.

"You look so cute!" Demyx hugged me from behind.

"Thanks Demy. I love it." I looked up behind me and smiled at him.

"You are most welcome. Come on, I think Axel and Roxas are finally out of the shower; I don't hear the water running anymore." Demyx blushed deeply and I nodded with a smirk.

"Ok," I stood up and joined Demy as we returned to the couch, where we saw Axel and Roxas watching TV.

"Wow, I'm liking the new style Zex." Axel grinned at me.

"Demy did it." I kissed my boyfriend's cheek. Demyx and I sat on the love seat, which is right next to the couch.

"Figures. How else would it look so gravity defyingly perfect?" Roxas raised a hand by my head.

"Don't touch." I crouched as I covered my head with my hands.

"Wooow Zex! You really are Demyx's boyfriend." Axel chuckled.

"I try." I smiled happily.

"I'm bored." Roxas sighed as he shifted uneasily on the couch.

"No parties." Demyx blurted quickly.

"I agree." I nodded, just as Demyx slipped an arm around my waist.

"Good, I'm glad." Demyx said as he brought me closer to his body.

"Yes, just me and Demy, no fighting." I said clearly as Demyx smiled.

"You're so cute!" Demyx smooched my cheek aggressively.

"Demy! My hair!" I tried to save my hair from Demyx's forceful hold on my head to keep me from escaping his kisses.

"Sorry! I just couldn't help it! You're so cute when you talk." Demyx stuck his tongue out at me as I scrunched my nose with a fake angry look.

"You so cute!" I retorted.

"Can I just squeeze you?!" Demyx asked but didn't wait for an answer before he squashed my torso in his arms.

"Demy! Dem, air!" I reached out for Roxas to save me as I tried to inhale to make up for my lost air.

"Dem he's turning purple," Axel rescued me, since his words caused Demyx to let go.

"Fine, but he's just too cute, it's not my fault." Demyx pouted.

I gasped, cleared my throat, and then adjusted myself on my boyfriend's lap.

"Thank you Demy. Love being loved by Demy." I snuggled up to his chin, kissing his upper neck.

"Well if you two are done having your PDA moment, I propose we think of something to do." Axel coughed awkwardly.

"We could play other video games, besides DDR." Roxas shrugged.

"We could play card games, like poker?" Demyx thought of more ideas.

"Hmm, well we could order pizza and make awesome prank calls." Axel said as he stretched his long limbs.

"I say we just cuddle while watching a movie." Demyx rubbed his cheek against mine as I started laughing. He is so adorable its almost unreal. Once I was reminded of his never ending cuteness, I sprang up anxiously.

"Oh, Demy!" I squeezed myself off the love seat and ran off to Demyx's room.

"Zex? Where are you going?" Demyx called after me.

"Just a sec!" I yelled back, got my backpack, and returned to the living room.

"Ok, I know you're a genius, but homework is the last thing I want to do when I'm bored." Axel sighed.

"No, not homework. For Demy." I pulled out the poem that I wrote him, the one that had my dance request written inside.

"For me?" Demyx took the paper with caution.

"Yeah. I wrote it for Demy." I repeated as I sat in his lap. Demyx held the paper out in front of his and my face, and I looked up behind me to see his reaction.

"Aww, Zex! It's beautiful!" Demyx squeezed me so tightly, I coughed.

"Air!" I gasped.

"Sorry!" Demyx loosened his grip and rubbed my chest. "It's so cute, Zexy, thank you. I love it." Demyx kissed the back of my neck, releasing a small moan from my gracious lips.

"You're welcome." I almost forgot that the whole reason I gave him the paper was to ask him to the dance. "Oh, so Demy, you say yes?" I asked.

"Yes what?" Demyx asked back.

"Go to dance with Zexy." I pointed to my poem, where the words asking him to go with me were bolded.

"Oh my god! You're asking me out!" Demyx sat up so straight that I stood up off the chair.

"Yeah." I blushed nervously.

"Of course I'll go with you!" Demyx jumped out of the chair and attacked me with a hug.

"Yay!" I held Demyx back, taking several steps backwards and to the sides to balance out his rough hug.

"Dem, read it aloud." Axel asked.

"I don't know, is, is it ok?" Demyx asked for my permission, but I just shrugged.

"Not good with words. Was scared to give it to you." I admitted shamefully.

"Why?" Demyx looked genuinely confused.

"Cause, Demy beautiful musician. No art." I pointed to myself.

"That's not true! This is so sweet!" Demyx pointed to my poem.

"Can read it if you want." I gave a shy smile. I don't know how he makes me feel good about all of my insecurities.

"Yay!" Roxas cheered in advance.

"Ahem, it says," Demyx cleared his throat, "My sweet wonderful boyfriend, my Demy. Words couldn't express how much you mean to me. Your smile is perfect, and your eyes do shine. I still can't believe how I manage to call you mine. If I could write a love song, well, I wish I knew how, it'd have the most truest of words, and the most beautiful of sounds. If I had all the time in the world, it still wouldn't be enough; for me to tell you how special you are, and how much you are loved. If I had one day left to live, I know exactly what I'd say. I'd spend every second down to my last, explaining how you always took my breath away. My sweet wonderful boyfriend, my Demy, will you go to the winter formal with me?"

"Aww, that was so cute!" Roxas said as he rested on Axel's shoulder.

"Damn Zex, that's like, really beautiful." Axel's eyes were wide, and I blushed.

"Wish I could write better, like Demy deserves." I bit my lip.

"Zex, I don't know what you're talking about. This is so amazing, I didn't even realize you were asking me out to the dance, cause I was too distracted by the idea of stealing it and making it a song." Demyx smiled.

"Thanks," I didn't know what else to say.

"Man, you two are too cute for words." Roxas shook his head.

"That's what happens when you date a total hottie." Demyx gripped my hips as I gasped.

"D-Demy too kind." I smiled shyly. "I love you Demy. Always." I went on my tip toes to kiss my boyfriend's lips.

"You really are the source of my smile. Thank you, Zexion. I'm so happy to call you mine." Demyx cupped my face and licked my lips softly. I trembled as I parted my lips, my heart already racing at the excitement of hosting his tongue in my mouth. When I felt his wet muscle slip in, I looped my arms around his neck, moaning into his strong kiss.

Demyx squeezed my hips tightly, causing me to sway them into his.

"Nice view." Axel cleared his throat while I grinned into the dwindling kiss.

"Well I've given it some thought, and if Zexion and I can work past that awful party and our long talk after, then we deserve to celebrate our love, and show how much we truly care about each other. I don't want a minute to go by where my boyfriend questions my love." Demyx said with all seriousness as I gulped.

"D-Demy, I never question. I love you." I wrapped my arms around his back.

Demyx put one hand over my shoulder, letting his hand drape on my back, while his other hand cupped my cheek. I left one hand on his slender hip, and kept the other on his shoulder as we gazed into each other's eyes.

This is love. It has to be. What else could feel so perfect and so right? I titled my head, getting a better angle into the bright, loving eyes.

"Can we freeze time? Because I'm so madly in love with you right now," Demyx's nervous smile was missing, his goofy silly tone was nowhere to be found; it was just him and his honest, thoughtful words.

I felt my lips part shakily as nerves swept over me. What was going on inside me? My words failed me, my mind went blank as I starred deeply into a love that I had always dreamed of having, but never thought I could own.

"I, I love you." I whispered, not knowing what else I could say.

Demyx's shy smile returned as he kissed my lips softly. "I love you too," Demyx kissed me again and I found myself going weak. Why? What was it about him that paralyzed me like this? I mean, yeah, he's done it before, but why now? Why was I feeling so emotional? Without any explanation, I clung to his neck, desperate to be held by his strong arms that provide love and comfort and safety all at once.

I didn't understand. What was he doing to me? It was like that one look into his pure, flawless eyes struck me with a realization of a magnitude I had never before experienced. And I loved it. I found myself lost of all possible words, thoughts, and ways of expression, other than clinging to the one I love.

"You ok?" Demyx asked after he had silently held me for a couple minutes. I nodded, keeping my face hidden in his chest as he rubbed my back. "Baby? Say something." Demyx frowned down at me after I looked up at him with hurting eyes.

"Demy's love, so unreal." I gave a small smile.

"Our love," Demyx corrected me just before he pecked the tip of my nose. I closed my eyes and scrunched my face with a giggle.

"Ok seriously you two, you know that there's a limit to how cute you can be in one day, right?" Roxas asked as I blushed.

"I don't think I've ever seen you two this….lovey dovey…" Axel commented.

"Well there's nothing else to do anyway. Besides, I won't hide my love for my boyfriend." Demyx put his hands over my ass, causing me to lift my eyebrows in shock.

"Hah! You two are too much fun." Axel pointed at me and laughed.

"Shut up!" I yelled back.

"Hey hey hey, no need for anger. Maybe I'm just jealous." Axel stuck his tongue out with a wink.

"Oh god," Roxas blushed.

"Ok before this goes any further, why don't we just order pizza? I'm hungry." Demyx went for the phone and started dialing the number from memory.

"Dem, one pepperoni, and a Hawaiian. I'm buying." Axel handed Demyx cash as Demyx gave the pizza company our order over the phone.

We ate pizza while watching some random chick flick that Axel swore was good, but Roxas and I weren't too interested.

"Seriously? You didn't like it?" Axel asked Roxas, who shrugged.

"I just think it was so predictable. I mean, you could tell that she was dying and of course he magically becomes this amazing person when it's too late." Roxas rolled his eyes.

"It's so conflicting, it's amazingly painful." My boyfriend naturally loved the sappy emotions that the movie brought out.

"It was a bit dramatic." Roxas winced.

"Hater," Axel stuck his tongue out.

"Tired." I yawned, not caring enough about the movie to talk about it. I always get sleepy during movies because Axel says he can't watch them unless he turns the lights off, although I think it's just an excuse to touch Roxas without being seen. I wouldn't accuse him of this were it not for the whimpering and shuffling of bodies and clothes that I can barely hear over the loud volume that Axel swears he needs because he can't hear at a normal level.

"Why don't we all go to bed?" Axel suggested, already getting comfortable on the couch, even though Demyx was at the other end.

"I don't want to sleep on the floor." Demyx whined.

"Why don't we all sleep on the couch?" Axel shrugged lightly.

"There's no way we're all going to fit!" Roxas said as if Axel was crazy, although I did agree with the blonde.

"Come on, let's try." Axel patted his lap. Roxas sighed before he sat down in Axel's lap as the redhead sat up against one armrest. Demyx sat up against the other and I climbed in on his lap, snuggling up into his chest as I realized that we could actually fit.

"You comfortable?" Roxas asked his boyfriend, who nodded.

"Yep. Night."

"You ok Demy?" I asked and my boyfriend smiled down at me.

"I'm perfectly fine." Demyx kissed the top of my head as he ran his hand up and down the back of my shirt. I closed my eyes, too tired to stay up any longer as I fell asleep sitting up against his chest.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note<strong>: Awwww, cute chapter! Lol, I had a lot of fun writing this….like….months ago! I feel bad for taking so long to post, but I've been adding a bunch of scenes throughout the story, so it's been a lot of work changing later scenes and adapting what I've already written to fit everything that I've been changing. Thank you for your patience. I'm almost done with my first Japanese class! One more exam and I get two weeks off! So I'll do my best to cram my writing during those two weeks ^_^

Also, random 'notification', but I'm SUPER bored!

**Question Challenge:**

**I know I could/should be studying, but I need a break from it, SO I wanted to put out the offer of answering any and all questions that are left as reviews/comments/or received via Private Message by my next update. The sooner I receive questions, the sooner I can answer, and I want to make a video to answer the questions! I'll put it up on youtube and put the link up on my profile. So yeah, go ahead and throw your questions at me! I'm down to pretty much answer anything, and you're not limited to one question either. (Example questions can be "What is your fav (anything), most embarrassing, fun, scary, experience. Feel free to be creative, as long as I don't reveal my age or hometown, I'm fine with answering.)Thank you in advance for saving me from boredom!**

**All readers who ask a question will receive spoilers for this story! (if you are reading Can You Keep My Secret or No More Broken Pieces and prefer a spoiler for one of those stories instead, that's fine too). So yes, everyone/anyone who would like to ask a question, please indicate the story that you would like a spoiler for, and you will quickly receive a PM with the spoiler for that specific story. Or, if you have a dying question pertaining to a certain character/topic, feel free to ask that too, even if its for another story. (for example: Will Axel go to TTU or RGU? Will Xigbar and Zexion ever run into each other again? Will Aqua be in more/future scenes? Will there be a lemon? Will there be more Cloud/Leon?). HOWEVER here are some questions you can't ask (for this story): Will Zexion ever go with Xemnas? Will Demyx and Zexion ever break up? With Aerith find out about Zexion's cuts?**

Sorry, I have to leave some stuff a secret ;) If you ask a question that is just too revealing, I'll hint at it and substitute with another satisfying spoiler to compensate ^_^

**PLEASE log in so that I can PM you, if you don't log in, I can't send you a message** =( So hopefully that is a good enough incentive ^_^ If enough people ask the same question, I'll just answer it in the video.

To CloudofDarkness'protégé: Aww, I've missed you Zexy! Ugh, that guy was a dead end. Never texted me back. Guys confuse me a lot Yes, I will check it out! Please check out my Question Challenge and save me from boredom hehehe. Thank you for reviewing! Keep your chin up Zex ^_^

To KingdomKuroGeass: Awwww, I loved that review lol. I love being spammed with your reviews, so please, keep spamming, and please check out my Question Challenge written above! Thank you for reviewing!

To FromSoraXWithLove: Oh yeah, I hear ya. Uahgfhjascfa he stopped texting me, randomly, so that never went anywhere. Oh well, that's what I get for being a hopeless romantic. Awww, that means so much to me, you have no idea! That is so sweet and kind, it actually makes me want to pursue writing. If only you knew what I plan on doing after college lol. (feel free to ask as part of my Question Challenge described in my Authors Note above). I'm a fan of you being a fan ^_^

To Yukiko no Kyuubi no Kitsune: So happy to hear that my last chapter made you smile. Yes, they do make for a wonderful pair! That will be addressed in future chapters, but I hope you enjoyed this cutsie chapter ^_^ Thank you for reviewing, and if you get a chance, you should check out my question challenge!

To FenrirDarkWolf: Haha, yes, Zexion is a genius for trying to think of an excuse for stripping, and I'm glad that you enjoyed the last chapter! Please check out my Question Challenge in my Author's Note!

To ThatBandGeek: Yeah, I remember my fear about going to college. It's rough, and it was pretty similar to the last chapter, but true friends will find a way to stay in your life. It hurt to watch the others slip away, but I saw it as a test, and the real one's will pass =) Enjoy what you have while you have it, but stay positive too. Thank you, I'm glad to hear you enjoy reading this story! Thanks for reviewing, and please check out my Question Challenge ^_^

To Otwamewliart: Lol, here's the poem chapter! Glad to hear that it was cute, I hope this one was even cuter! Thank you for reviewing my dear, bitte, lesen Sie meine Question Challenge? Danke sehr!

To Luckycat222: That moment when you see someone reply to a comment you replied to…fkasdjdafjk. Lol. Thank you so much for reviewing, and trust me, I've noticed all of your reviews, sadly I can only respond to the current ones. I really do appreciate all of your support! Please check out my Question Challenge. Thank you for reviewing, hope to hear from ya soon ^_^

To ZeltaFrost: Yay, two chapters, no fight! It's like a record lol. Hahaha, you're going to love my future chapter. Wish I could say more, but well, if you read and respond to my Question Challenge, I can PM you 1 spoiler. But yeah, based off of your last review, you're going to like one scene in particular that I'm just now adding to the story. Aww, that feeling you had about something bad happening in this chapter was kind of off, but in a good way =) Ugh, japan heat is worse than Texas heat, and I know both . Thank you!

To Kindofabadger: Lol, TTU's baseball team will be addressed in later chapters in relation to RGU's baseball team. If you respond to my Question Challenge (in my Author's Note above) I can give you some spoilers/hints ;) Thanks! And yes, I agree, I love the dynamics of Axel and Roxas too. And yes, Zexion wants it so badly, but patience is key. I'm sure you both can make it hehehe.

To Rawritsakookye: Thank you! Good to hear. You should check out my Question Challenge! Thanks ^_^

To Killerpanda: Omg I love your review so much! Awww, you're making me blush and smile ajsdfjadss hehehe. You should check out my Question Challenge (written at the top of my author's note), and maybe get some more information. Thank you so much for reading it, and twice? That's so touching! You should check out my other stories while you wait for me to update, since I'm super slow (sorry!) lol. Thank you for that kind review.

To Pretty-Devil-in-Prada: Haha, if you read and respond to my Question Challenge written at the thop of my author's note, you can find out if there is a lemon ahead. ;) Thank you for reviewing.

**Thank you everyone for the support! Please please check out my Question Challenge written near the top of my Author's Note. It says you aren't limited to one question per person, and for each question you ask, that's one spoiler you can get. So yep, you can get as many as you want for the 3 stories I have out (you can even ask about my MANY upcoming stories too)! So please do me a favor and end my boredom and your potential curiosity at the same time ^_^ Thanks**

**Heart, Sarabellum**


	31. Strip Poker

I woke up sometime in the middle of the night to see that Axel had remained at one end of the couch with his back against the armrest with my Demyx at the other end, each of them asleep. Axel had a long stretched leg draping off the side, touching Demyx's foot since my boyfriend had his bent legs hanging off the couch. I was still safely secured in Demyx's lap with my face snuggled into his chest while my feet pressed against Axel's side, behind me. Roxas was huddled in Axel's arms, constantly kicking for warmth in his sleep. I don't know how Axel can sleep with someone who fidgets as much as Roxas does, but we were all cramped on that tiny couch so space was already tight. Axel scooted his body further down on the couch, and I could feel one of his boots squishing between the couch and Demyx's as since my boyfriend was sitting on his foot. Demyx whimpered as he held me tighter, pulling me higher up against his chest. I smiled as I got cozy against his shirt, ready to fall back asleep. When I woke up later, I was in the same position, resting against my boyfriend with no freedom to move outside of his hold, which I didn't have a problem with.

Demyx was lightly snoring as he kept one arm around my back. I squirmed a little to see what time it

was, and once I saw that it was only seven in the morning, I let myself get cozy again. Demyx was sitting on one of his shoes and kept the other hanging off the couch, and I wondered how he could fall asleep sitting straight up. I rested my hands on his chest before I laid my head down on them, feeling his steady heart beat under his expanding breathes. I turned my head to admire the way that Axel rested his chin on his own chest, taking deep breathes as he started hunching forward. It wasn't until then when I realized that Roxas wasn't on the couch anymore. I twisted the other way around and saw that Roxas was sitting on the floor against the couch, clinging to Axel's leg and using it as a pillow.

I laughed as Roxas twitched and wriggled around, trying to get comfortable.

"Wah?" Axel sat up, wiping off some of the drool on the corner of his mouth.

"Mmm!" Roxas mumbled loudly as Axel stirred.

"Shh," Axel cooed, rubbing Roxas' soft blonde hair. "Go back to bed baby." Axel said as Roxas started

snoring.

"Morning Zex," Axel whispered and I smiled back.

"Hey Axe." I rested my hands up on Demyx's shoulders.

"You look cozy." Axel laughed at me.

"I am." I rubbed my cheek up and down against my boyfriend's chest.

"Eh!" Demyx whined in his sleep.

"It's ok Demy," I massaged my palm over his soft nipple, watching as my boyfriend bit his lip in his sleep.

"Love you Demy," I kissed his other nipple. Demyx swallowed and turned his neck, looking a bit flustered, even in his dream.

"Pants," Axel said clearly, causing my poor boyfriend to whimper.

"Axe!" I groaned, working hard to calm down my squirming boyfriend by kissing his neck softly.

"You have to admit it's pretty funny." Axel shrugged.

"It's kay Demy, back to bed." I combed my fingers through Demyx's hair.

"I really want to know what he was dreaming about when he first shouted 'pants' in his sleep." Axel titled his head.

"Me too," I grinned curiously.

"You should ask him." Axel shrugged.

"Probably won't remember." I shifted once more, letting my back rest against Demyx's chest so I could face Axel. Demyx whined as I moved, but once I got situated he put his arms around my tummy.

"God he's squeezing my leg so tightly." Axel tried to move without disturbing the blonde on the floor.

"Grrrr!" Roxas moaned in his sleep.

"Ok, come on grumps." Axel reached down, put his arms under Roxas', and lifted his boyfriend up onto the couch, in his lap.

"Eh," Roxas stirred, his hair spiking in every direction possible as his eyes barely created an opening for him to see out of.

"There you are mr. Grumps." Axel rubbed Roxas' sides as he sighed.

"My back hurts." Roxas yawned.

"Why don't we go into my bed, and I'll give you a massage." Axel asked with a smirk in his slanted eyes as he ran his hands down Roxas' chest. The blonde gulped with an anxious nod, standing up shakily as he waited for Axel to get up next. The redhead stood up, stretched, and then grabbed Roxas at his stomach

and threw him over his shoulder.

"Whoa!" Roxas gripped the back of Axel's shirt as tightly as he could.

"If you'll excuse me, I need to go do this," Axel grinned at me as he kept one hand on the back of Roxas' knees, and used his other hand to pat Roxas' ass which was up in the air.

"Axel!" Roxas growled before the tall redhead left the living room.

"Where are they going?" Demyx asked, so I turned around to see my boyfriend rubbing his sleepy eyes.

"Oh, uhm, privacy." I winced, not sure how else to say it without giving too much away.

"Good, more for us." Demyx scooted his body all the way down on the couch and pulled my body so that my stomach was on his.

"I love you Demy," I got cozy all over again as Demyx slowly circled his hands around my lower back, relaxing me with his smooth fingertips.

"I love you too Zexion. I can't wait to go to the dance with you." I nodded, wishing I had something to say in return while my mind wandered.

When Axel and Roxas left to go be all lovie dovie, I couldn't help but think about sex with Demyx. I knew that he wanted to take things slow, but it's not surprising that one would want more, right? I started kissing his neck, happy when I felt his arms tighten around my back. Once we started making out, I carefully pushed my groin into his, trying to be patient, but wanting so badly to feel his body. I was getting hard by just feeling his tongue in my mouth and imagining it elsewhere, and as I pressed myself into his crotch, he moaned. I grinned as I started rubbing my crotch against his, and his hands lowered to my hips. I swayed gently against his body, loving how messy our kiss had become due to all the excitement. I took a risky move and slid my hand down his chest, wanting to get it in his pants so damn badly. Once I had it over the bulge in his pajama pants, I squeezed.

"Nygh! Zex, no, not there." Demyx clenched his thighs together.

"Shh, it's ok Demy. I make you feel good." I smiled sweetly as I ran my hand up and down.

"No, Zex, I said no." Demyx slowly sat up as I sighed.

"Ok," I didn't have any other choice but to stop my fantasizing.

"Why are you sad?" Demyx asked and I had to work hard to remain sensitive. I didn't see how he was confused by my disappointment, but I knew that he'd take it personally.

"Just wanted to be more intimate with Demy."

"That's a big step Zex." Demyx didn't look at me as I shrugged.

"Said you wanted to be close." I reminded him of how different things were when he squeezed my ass.

"I know, I just, it's one thing to touch playfully, but what you were just doing….it'll lead to more and I'm not sure I'm ready." Demyx said, so I nodded. There really was nothing that could be said or done about it, except to accept it. I knew I had to respect him if I ever wanted the chance to be together with him when he can finally say he's ready.  
>"Can wait." I whispered and he nodded without a smile.<p>

"Good," he said and I exhaled deeply, trying to calm myself down.

"Need to come," I muttered, accidentally saying it out loud.

"Come where?" Demyx asked and I gulped.

"Oh, um bathroom." I winced.

"You ok?" Demyx clearly wasn't buying it, and since he knew that I had cut, I can't say I blame him.

"Kissing Demy made me hard." I admitted shyly as I crossed my legs to hide it.

"Oh!" Demyx said in shock.

"Yeah," I blushed.

"You can use that bathroom." Demyx pointed to the one in the hallway. I nodded as I stood up, holding my hard on over my pants, and walked to the bathroom to relieve myself. After I shut the door, I pulled down my pants.

I decided to just get it over with, since I wouldn't be getting pleasured by my boyfriend anyway. I pumped myself quickly, thought about Demyx's body in a dripping speedo, and got ready to release into the toilet. I don't masturbate often, especially now that I'm living with Aerith, but I made sure to make up for it.

"Ah, eh, hah, nygh, Demy!" I shouted as my legs went weak and I came. I cleaned up and washed my hands before I opened the door with a red face.

"Whoa!" I panicked when I saw Demyx standing right outside the door.

"I, I heard you shout my name, so I thought maybe something bad happened." Demyx looked flustered. I cleared my throat and shook my head.

"Had to come," I looked down.

"So you yelled my name?" Demyx sounded confused, which confused me. I answered his question with the thought in my head.

"Not going to yell anyone else's name." I shrugged.

"Oh," Demyx's cheeks went red as I coughed.

"Yeah,"

"You want to go cuddle again?" Demyx asked and I nodded. If I couldn't get sex with him then I'll have to snuggle with him as much as I can. He took my hand and we went back to the couch, sitting side by side when Axel and Roxas returned.

"Who's hungry?" Axel asked and we all agreed to let him rummage his kitchen for food while we tried to find something to watch on TV.

"There's never anything good on this early on a Saturday." Roxas flipped through the channels.

"We could watch a movie." Demyx suggested while I tried to calm down my sexual frustrations that were still buzzing inside me. It's hard enough to be a teenage boy with these kinds of desires, but to have a boyfriend as hot as mine and then to be told that I can't touch him, it's like torture. The urge to kiss him, feel his tongue, stroke his length, squeeze his ass, and smooch his abs all became too much for me as I closed my eyes with a sigh.

"Are you ok?" Roxas asked and I nodded, keeping my eyes shut.

"His face is red." Axel's voice entered the living room.

"Oh, yeah," Demyx gulped, knowing that he was the reason why I was so flushed in the face.

"What?" Axel asked and I sat up, opening my eyes.

"Nothing," I muttered coldly.

"Zexy," Demyx whined, as if he were unhappy with my unhappiness.

"What's going on?" Axel asked curiously, still standing by the TV with a bowl of chips held protectively in his arms.

"He's just mad cause he, he uh," Demyx gulped, the shiest one of us there.

"Had to masturbate even though have hot boyfriend." I rolled my eyes.

"Ouch," Axel's eyes went wide.

"Yeah, so dramatic." Demyx agreed with Axel.

"No, I meant ouch for him. I mean, if Roxy made me masturbate instead of making love, I think I'd die." Axel shrugged as Roxas coughed awkwardly.

"Gee thanks for sharing our intimate details." Roxas changed the channel once again.

"So you're saying I should have sex with him, just because letting him do it on his own makes me a bad boyfriend?" Demyx asked and Axel sighed.

"Dude, it's your relationship. Do what you're comfortable doing. But I mean, I can see how he's tired of waiting. You're hot Dem, and he just wants to show you that he appreciates it. When you reject him, I'm sure it weighs him down." Axel stuck a chip in his mouth as I held in my smirk. I wanted to run up and kiss the redhead on the lips, because I could tell that his words were being thought over by my boyfriend.

"I guess I see the reasoning," Demyx thought aloud.

"If you aren't comfortable going all the way, no one should ever tell you otherwise. But if you two want to cuddle naked, well, Roxy and I do that all the time, and it's one of my favorite things to do." Axel smiled at the blonde, who blushed with closed lips and big round eyes.

"Are you drunk?" Roxas finally asked.

"No, not yet, still too early for that. But you know you like cuddling naked too," The redhead grinned.

"It is relaxing." Roxas bit his lip.

"Really?" Demyx asked, not in disbelief, but in curiosity.

"Yeah. Sometimes we just look at each other, hold each other, and we just talk. It's so refreshing to be comfortable enough to be naked in front of someone, and just be so open and vulnerable, yet feel so safe and secure." Axel ended with words that I had to nod to.

"Although you could be naked in front of anyone and not even care." Demyx joked playfully as Axel winked.

"This is true." The redhead shed his shirt before he ate another chip from the bowl in his hands.

"Please tell me that the striping ends here." Roxas sighed as Axel chuckled.

"For now." Axel walked up to his boyfriend.

"Mmm, well, I do like a good cuddle," Roxas bit his lip, standing up to meet his boyfriend at eye level.

"Of course you do," Axel lifted up Roxas' shirt and when the two were bare chested, they held each other.

"I love you Axel," Roxas closed his eyes as he rubbed his palm up and down Axel's chest.

"You're so sexy," Axel dipped his hands down the back of Roxas' pants, causing the blonde to whimper.

"Axel," Roxas pulled away as Axel looked at him curiously.

"What is it baby?"

"You, you didn't say it back." Roxas looked hurt.

"Roxy, you know I love you. I'm sorry I didn't say it back sooner. Allow me to demonstrate my love with a makeup kiss?" Axel titled his head, generating a smile from Roxas' nodding head.

The two kissed softly before Axel aggressively forced his way into Roxas' mouth. The blonde gasped before he gripped Axel's back tightly in his hands, squeezing and rubbing as rapidly as he could.

"Your heart is beating really fast," Axel admired with a proud smile at his reward while he kept his hand over Roxas' breast.

I watched with envy as Roxas blushed, smiling in gratitude while his boyfriend gave his nipple a delicate kiss.

"I love you Roxas," Axel held Roxas' chin up before he planted yet another endearing kiss on his boyfriends lips. It was becoming too much for me, so I turned to look away, unable to watch any longer.

"Zexion," Demyx called my name, so when I twisted my neck to face him, I was left speechless as I felt his lips smashing roughly against mine.

"M?" I managed to ask during the kiss, despite the amount of force Demyx used while his hands held my cheeks captive.

"Thank you for being patient with me." Demyx smiled, and as silly as it sounded, it was everything I needed. I couldn't help but smile back before I snuggled under his chin against his neck.

"Thank you for being so wonderful." I inhaled his delicious scent as I wrapped my arms around the middle of his back.

"See, you two are good cuddlers; all you need now is to strip a bit." Axel suggested.

"Maybe we can start slowly." Demyx kissed my cheek as I nodded.

"I'd love to." I snuggled closer to my boyfriend.

"You know what helps? Roxas and I started by playing strip poker. It makes it less awkward." Axel helped me yet again. Roxas sat back down on the couch, taking the last free space on it, leaving the loveseat for his boyfriend, who still remained standing.

"That sounds like it could help us go forward." Demyx gave a thoughtful nod as I grinned contently, hoping we'd be able to play sometime soon.

"Well if we're done sharing facts about Axel's and my relationship, I think I've found something interesting to watch." Roxas cleared his throat as he turned up the TV, showing two dumbasses eating the weirdest foods in some Asian country.

"Thank god for chips." Axel walked up to the couch, which Roxas, Demyx, and I all occupied.

"Theres no more room." Roxas looked around at the full couch, and then to the love seat.

"Yeah, there's plenty right...here!" Axel sat himself down right in Roxas' lap.

"Oof!" Roxas grunted before he put one arm around his boyfriends back and the other under his thighs as Axel sat sideways.

"Hey baby!" Axel wrapped his arms around Roxas' neck and kissed his cheek.

"Hey Axe." Roxas smiled as he held Axel tightly.

"Aww," I smiled, loving how cute they looked as Roxas cradled his larger boyfriend in his lap.

"I love you Roxy," Axel snuggled under Roxas' chin, against his neck, all while he cradled his bowl of food.

"I love you too Axe," Roxas rested his chin on Axel's head.

"Demy?" I looked at my boyfriend with the longing in my heart.

"Yes?" he smiled back at me.

"Can I hold you hand?" I asked, offering mine. Demyx's smile grew as he leaned closer to me, kissed my lips, and cupped my cheeks.

"Yes, you most definitely can." Demyx lifted me in his lap and held my hands over my thighs. "I love you." Demyx reminded me as I leaned my head back against his chest.

"I love you too Demy." I closed my eyes, opening them when I heard a deck of cards being shuffled.

"You guys want to play?" Axel asked with a suspicious grin.

"Play what?" Demyx asked curiously.

"How long have you been hiding cards in the cushion?" Roxas asked.

"Well I figured the best place to hide cards for strip poker is on the couch, where we cuddle a lot anyway," Axel reshuffled his deck.

"Is that so? Well, I want to play." Roxas raised his hand.

"Me too," I nodded, getting off the couch to join my friends in the kitchen.

"Dem, you coming?" Axel asked before he, Roxas, and I all sat at the kitchen table.

"We playing texas hold em, or regular poker?" Roxas asked while Axel started dealing the cards.

"I think the bigger question is, are we playing strip poker?" Axel winked back.

"I'm down." Roxas smiled, and to my own surprise, Demyx agreed to play too. We decided that the rules were: whoever had the worst hand among the four of us would be considered the loser, and would have to remove one article of clothing. Naturally, we were all in shirts, a pair of pants or shorts, and our underwear, so we didn't have very many rounds to begin with.

Right away, Roxas lost, and when his second defeat came in a row, he grew frustrated.

"Dammit!" Roxas threw his losing pair of eight's on the table with a loud sigh.

"My lucky day." Axel grinned as his boyfriend stripped of his shorts.

"I don't know how, but I swear you're dealing Roxas the worst hand intentionally." Demyx scratched his head.

"You have no proof." Axel gave a sly smirk before he dealt out another hand.

"Two rounds in a row? That's more than just a coincidence." Roxas growled.

"Let's just see who loses this one." Demyx suggested as he exchanged some of his cards.

After a few more minutes, Demyx was removing his shirt, all while I smiled.

"Awww, so close." Axel joked as he barely beat Demyx, having a ten of diamonds over Demyx's four of clubs, while they both had a pair of jacks.

"Yeah yeah yeah," Demyx sighed, sitting with his tan chest exposed teasingly.

"I love how no matter who loses, at least one of us is happy." Roxas chuckled, looking at me while I blushed.

"Not my fault." I bit my lip as Demyx shoved my arm playfully.

"Ok, now it's your turn." My boyfriend challenged me.

"For what?" I asked.

"To lose. We've all had the shitiest hand's already, but you're always somewhere in the middle of losing and wining, so you're the only one still fully clothed." Demyx explained as I gave a small shrug.

"I'll try." I joked as I observed my fresh hand. I didn't have horrible cards, but I didn't have much to work with as I exchanged my lesser pointless cards. After we were all as satisfied with our cards as we could get, Roxas stood up in frustration.

"Goddammit!" Roxas growled.

"Aww, you lose." Axel smiled up as his boyfriend unbuckled his shorts.

"Are we playing down to underwear or skins?" Roxas asked, and I looked to our boyfriends to give an answer.

"Too bad none of us have socks on, cause that could be two extra rounds right there." Demyx thought aloud.

"Well it's too late now. I say we play until skins, but my opinion is obviously heavily biased." Axel shrugged proudly.

I looked at Demyx, curious to hear what he had to say.

"Well, if you are willing to risk losing again, and having to be naked in front of us, then that's your choice." Demyx said indifferently.

"Yeah but then we'd all have to play till skins until someone wins." Roxas pointed out.

"We can vote." Demyx said, as if he didn't want to directly state his opinion on the matter.

"I'm ok with it." Axel raised his hand.

"Sure," Roxas raised his.

I gulped before I slowly brought my timid arm up. "Ok,"

"Alright, till skins it is then." Demyx nodded at Axel, asking for another hand.

A few hands later, Axel was down to his boxers, I had lost my shirt, and Roxas was still in his briefs.

"Shit," Demyx sighed as he stood up to discard his sexy skinny jeans.

"Is this your first time seeing him in his underwear?" Axel asked me, and as sad as it is, I had to think about it.

"Hmm, seen speedo." I said, which is pretty much the same thing.

"Oh, well that's like the same." Roxas read my mind.

"I think that's much more stimulating. I mean, in his speedo his body is dripping wet and his muscles are stimulated from the workout, which is way more attractive than just wearing boxers or briefs." Axel always had to make things more awkward than necessary.

"I guess," Demyx blushed uncontrollably as I smiled.

"Demy always attractive." I whispered timidly.

"Thank you Zex." Demyx gave me a shy smile as he kept his hands in his lap, scooting his chair under the kitchen table as much as he could. Seeing his chest and stomach all exposed made my imagination wander in an anxious hope.

"Well, if one of us loses, we're going commando. Unless Zexion loses, in which case we'll all just be in our undies." Axel passed out new cards, but within a minute we were all putting them down.

"Hahaha!" Roxas pointed at his boyfriend, who he just barely beat in the round.

"Well, a deal's a deal." Axel stood up and put his hands on his boxers when my phone went off.

"Aerith," I groaned, hating the timing as I answered the phone. I mean, it's not like I wanted to see Axel naked, although his body is very hot, but I was hoping it'd make it possible for Demyx to be next.

"Hello?" I asked into my phone disappointedly. When I hung up, I was even more disappointed.

"What is it?" Demyx asked me, concerned.

"Wants me home." I frowned.

"Man, talk about great timing." Axel said sarcastically. We all fully dressed, which made me even sadder.

"Don't worry, we'll hang again soon, ok?" Demyx asked as we got in the car. Axel had to drop me off, and then Demyx at Aqua's house.

"Love you Demy." I said goodbye before I entered Aerith's house.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note<strong>: Sorry it took me so long to write this! Originally the entire strip poker scene wasn't in the story, but I figured to add it within the past hour, so I'm glad I waited, and I'm hoping you are too lol. About the Question Challenge, thank you to everyone who responded. However, since the video I originally made in response turned out to be way too long, I'm probably going to use Private Messages to answer everyone's questions (and to reveal the spoilers, as promised). I still want to make a video, but I'm not sure what I want to do. I'll probably pick a couple of the questions I received and answer those. A HUGE thank you to everyone who sent me questions. I appreciate your help in getting rid of my being 'bored' problem. XD

**So we finally get to see some advancements in the physical aspect of Demyx's and Zexion's relationship. I know, I cut it off at the worst spot possible….but I tend to do that a lot . Anyway, patience, and soon enough all with me revealed ;) lol (up to you to decide what that means).**

To Luckycat222: Aww thanks! I love fluff, and sexual tension. So yummy lol.

To Kindofabadger: lol I can't help but tease, it's what I do! I'm so horrible lol. Hahaha, yeah, I keep hinting at a lemon, but so far, nothing. Yes, I believe I already PM'd you answers to your questions, so I hope you can wait just a tad longer!

To Xiola-Nobody: Haha, oh, if you can't believe that bit of Akuroku….there are some chapters ahead lol. Awww, thank you! I'm sure you're plenty creative.

To Keyblade Master13: Hahaha, I wrote that poem in like, two minutes, because I originally didn't plan on adding the poem in the story but I figured that if I didn't, then someone would ask me to write the poem into the story, so I figured I'd just save time and attempt to write my first poem in years. Ok, to answer your questions: I PM'd you my answers and some spoilers about this story ^_^ Thank you for helping me with my boredom.

To KingdomKuroGeass: haha barfing rainbows, awesome! For the questions: I'll PM you, and then I'll give you some spoilers about this story ^_^ Thank you so much for asking me questions to save me from boredom. Have a good one!

To Rawritsakookye: Yay, I'm glad that you found it cute! No, there will not be a crazy psycho killer in this story, although there will be a character who will return in this story who may be described as psycho. I can say no more!

To Otwamewliart: Really? I'm glad that you found it cute! Thanks, I love ya too lol. I really don't like writing poems anymore, because I'm really bad at them . They're so cheesy! Ok, I'll PM you my answers and then some spoilers, so thank you so much for asking and playing along! ^_^

To ZeltaFrost: Yay no fighting for three chapters! It's like a record for them lol. Awww, glad you liked my cheesy poem lol. I'm the same in that I hate hearing spoilers, but I like giving them. Ok, no spoiler it is, and I shall PM you my answers. Thank you SO much for asking them to keep me from dying of boredom.

To Cirxe145: Aww, I'm glad that you liked the romance chapters! Ok, you asked more questions than anyone, so I shall reward you with some awesome bonus spoilers later in a Private Message. Although by the time you read this I may have already sent the message lol. Thank you so much for asking so many wonderful, interesting questions. It really saved me from boredom ^_^ No More Broken Pieces spoilers? You got it!

To FenrirDarkWolf: Yay! I'm glad you liked the adorableness ^_^ No, that question is very creative, and I shall send a private message with my response to it and a spoiler from this story. Thank you so much for asking. I hope you liked this last chapter!

To Rikuobsession: Haha, Zexy has MUCH more creeping ahead of him, in regards to Akuroku lol Yes I love Axel, he's so adorable ^_^ Yay, I got your questions, thank you very much! I shall respond/answer them in PM form and then I shall give you some spoilers about this story in exchange, as promised =) Thank you for asking me questions. I hope you enjoyed this chapter.

To AoiZora: Yay, glad to hear that you liked the sweet stuff lolz. Really? Yay, I'm happy that the last chapter was your fav, and I hope that you liked this last one too. Yes, it's nice to take a break from the normal stuff and just focus on the little things that matter a lot. Thanks for reviewing.

To Icy youkai: Aww, I'm happy that you liked the poem scene! Thank you for reviewing.

To FromSoraXWithLove: haha, well yes there will be an akuroku lemon…..heads up lol. And we are also Messaging, so feel free to discuss your story ideas there on here in reviews ^_^ Thanks!

**Thank you everyone for raeding, and for those who asked questions, an even bigger thanks. I'll let you all know when the video is up, and I appreciate all of your patience with my slow posting. I hope you all enjoyed this cute chapter, even though the ending may have been bad timing with Axel's stripping ;) Hehehe**

**Heart, Sarabellum.**


	32. The Bloody Secrets I've Been Hiding

After I got settled inside Aerith's house, she invited me to the couch, where she and I had another talk.

"Why don't we start with a check in? How are you feeling?"

"Lazy." I shrugged, wanting to sleep the day away. I was so close, so damn close, to potentially seeing my Demyx naked. I didn't want to hold a grudge against Aerith for something that I knew wasn't her fault, but still, I wasn't in all that great a mood.

"You've had a pretty relaxed weekend," Aerith smiled as I nodded. "How are things with Demyx?" she asked and I knew I couldn't even consider telling her about my sexual frustrations, so instead, I shrugged.

"Going good."

"And how are Axel and Roxas? You all seem very close, and I must say that I'm really proud of you, and of them, for being such great friends for each other."

"Yeah, really lucky." I nodded.

"That's great to hear. Now, why don't we go over some of these journal entries," Aerith said, opening my old journal, as well as a new key to my past. We talked for an hour about my grandmother, which I was really reluctant to share about at first, but then, once I started, I couldn't stop.

"Just, miss her," I ended, feeling sad, but as much as I hated to admit it, talking about it with Aerith really did help. I didn't feel so alone, and I didn't feel guilty anymore either. I felt like I had been ignoring the reality of her death for a while in an attempt to keep myself from hurting, and that made me feel really guilty. Talking about it with Aerith was really helpful.

"I understand, it must have been so rough," Aerith held my hand in encouragement.

"Aerith?" I asked, my throat hurting as I tried to suppress my sorrow.

"Yes?"

"Why you want to become counselor?" I had never asked her, but I was curious to find out.

"Well, I always felt like counselor's are there to listen and help when people need it most, and I like the idea of being there for someone the way that my friends were always there for me."

"Like who?" I asked, wanting to know more about her since she knew so much about me.

"Leon and I met in college, because I was friends with Cloud's best friend. Zack and I used to be neighbors as kids, and we were the best of friends. When we entered middle school, Zack started hanging around Cloud a lot, and so I met him too. When Cloud and Leon started dating, the four of us did everything together. We got together to watch sports games, although I was never too knowledgeable in them; sometimes we'd study together, or catch dinner as a group. They all made college bearable for me, since it was then when I lost my mother." Aerith put a hand over her necklace, and I realized that the necklace she wore ever day probably belonged to her mom.

"I sorry," I whispered.

"It's ok. I had great support and loving friends. Cloud wanted to go into nursing, and Leon trained in self-defense and nursing at the same time. I decided that I wanted a job that would help people too."

"And Zack?" I noticed how she had left him out.

"We lost him," She said solemnly, and I could only wonder what that meant. "He started experimenting with drugs soon after Cloud and Leon started dating. We thought that when Leon told him about Terra, that it would scare Zack straight. We were wrong. It took a hold of his life, and by the time we found out about it, it was too late." Aerith looked down at her hand which rested on her lap, where a simple gold ring rested on her finger.

"You loved him?" I asked quietly, already sensing the answer from within.

"Very much. We were as close as friends could get. But when the pressure became too much, he stopped coming around as much. Slowly, he distanced himself from everyone, and every time I tried to reach out to him, he pulled back. He randomly disappeared and no matter how hard we tried to look for him, we never could. Before we knew it, we found out that the drugs had taken over, and we were too late." Aerith played with the ring as it rested on her finger.

"How old was he?" I asked and Aerith looked up with a weary smile.

"He was twenty one. His mother was so distraught that she had to move. Cloud nearly failed out of college, but Leon was the one to hold us all together. I find it funny though, because Leon didn't know Zack very well at the time that he passed, but after what happened with Terra, Leon made sure that both Cloud and I were safe. I owe Leon a lot. He really was the stability that Cloud and I needed when we lost Zack." Aerith smiled as I sat there, unsure what to do. I wanted to frown for the loss of her boyfriend, but hearing how great Leon was made me happy, and she was smiling so big, that I knew she really was grateful for the brunette.

"Leon, great guy." I smiled poorly.

"Yes, he's a perfect match for Cloud. Well, I think that's enough for now, what do you say?" Aerith asked and I nodded, realizing that we both could use the break from such heavy, deep thinking.

"Good idea."

"Ok, why don't you start your homework? Do you have a lot?" Aerith asked and I groaned.

"Not too much." I moaned before I began my boring Literature assignment.

A couple hours went by as I completed my homework in the kitchen while Aerith reviewed some case files for the school. It was already five in the evening when the phone rang and Aerith picked it up.

"Hello? Hi there. Yes is his. Really? I think that's a lovely idea. Oh she did? Ok, well I'll pass you on then, here he is." Aerith handed me the phone, so I took it curiously.

"Hello?" I asked cautiously.

"Is this my smart, sweet, sexy, boyfriend?" Demyx's voice was teasingly friendly.

"Demy!" I got super excited as I smiled over the phone.

"Hey baby. I wanted to know if you would honor me by joining me for dinner tonight?" Demyx asked and I looked to Aerith, who already seemed to know about it and nodded her permission.

"Yes!" I said enthusiastically.

"Great! I'm making my own lasagna from scratch, and some yummy desert too, so come hungry." Demyx warned.

"I will. Thank you Demy. I can't wait." I blew a loud kiss over the phone.

"Thank you baby, I love you."

"Love you too."

"Ok, I'll see you in a couple hours; bye Zexy."

"Bye Demy." I hung up the phone and smiled at Aerith.

"I told Aqua that I'd drop you off in a couple hours, so we still have some time before your big date." Aerith grinned at me.

"Thank you Aerith!" I hugged her quickly.

"You're welcome. You've been doing great Zexion, and I want you to know that I'm proud of your progress." Aerith patted my back.

"Thanks." I gave a fake smile. The guilt of my thigh was churning in my stomach, but I couldn't give it away.

"So, what are you going to wear for your dinner date?" Aerith thankfully changed the topic and I widened my eyes in fear.

"I don't know!" I rushed my hands to my hair as I panicked.

"Well lets go see what you have in your closet." Aerith started walking down the hall so I joined her.

"Hmm," I raided my own closet, throwing black shirts out left and right.

"You know, I think Demyx would really love it if you wore some color." Aerith gave a shy smile.

"Don't have any." I frowned, never having been a fan of color, but I did agree with her point.

"Hmm, come on." Aerith waved at me as she left my room.

"Where we going?" I asked as I blindly followed.

"You've got two hours before your date, which should be enough time to go shopping." Aerith explained as we got in the car.

"Shopping?" I asked with a gulp. I've never been 'shopping', with the minor exception of stealing clothes on my own, or going to thrift stores to buy black Vnecks when my aunt and uncle were too lazy to buy me shit.

"I think it'll be fun." Aerith smiled cheerfully as we drove on the high way.

"Thank you Aerith." I smiled back, appreciating her help.

"Of course. Now, I want you to be extra good for Aqua, ok? I know you will be, but I just feel like that's the right thing to say." Aerith giggled and even I had to laugh.

"I'll be good." I reassured Aerith.

"Demyx has been talking about cooking for you, for a while now." Aerith informed me. "He really is grateful for how hard you've been working. I must say, I didn't expect you to handle withdrawals this easily. You deserve a new wardrobe to start a date." Aerith said as we parked. Again, I couldn't hide my inner frown, wishing I deserved the praise that she gave me, but knowing that the scar on my

thigh proved otherwise.

"Ok, let's look for something other than skinny jeans," Aerith thought aloud as she looked at me.

"Alright." I followed Aerith into the clothing store, deciding to let her make all the major decisions. That was a bad idea. Now I see why people say shit about women and shopping. I think I spent twenty whole minutes rolling my eyes as she starred at one shirt, before she put it back on the rack.

I sighed to myself, watching as she picked hanger after hanger and loaded them into our cart.

"Why don't you try these on, and then we'll go from there," Aerith said and when I looked at just how much she had stuffed in the cart, my eyes widened.

"Ok," I said, intimidated by all the colored fabric. There was not a single black article of clothing in that entire cart, and that scared me, because black is where I find my comfort.

Nevertheless, since Aerith was trying really hard, I decided to humor her by trying the clothes on.

I started with the pants, and tried on a simple pair of blue jeans.

"Aww, I like it," Aerith smiled as I looked down at myself. It was so weird to be able to feel my legs without the suffocation of jeans against my skin.

"What do you think?" Aerith asked and I nodded.

"Try these on next," Aerith handed me a pair of khaki cargo pants, that are similar to the kind that Roxas usually wears, except mine had more random pockets.

I took a couple steps, circling my own ass as I looked behind me.

"I like it." I said, loving the comfort of the pants, and then realizing why Roxas wears them so often.

"I think it looks great on you." Aerith encouraged me before I went back in the dressing room to try on shirts.

I tried on a sky blue long sleeve shirt, and put a purple flannel over it, still wearing the cargo pants as I came out to show Aerith.

"Oh my! You look simply stunning Zexion." Aerith held her hands together as I blushed.

"Thank you." I said shyly, really hoping that Demyx would agree with her. I tried on some more clothes, and in the end Aerith paid for everything. I felt so thankful that she would take me shopping and buy me the clothes, which added up to a lot. She bought me a sky blue and a violet V-neck, a sky blue and an olive green long sleeve, a purple and grey flannel, a blue and white flannel, and both khaki cargo pants and blue jeans. She also got me a couple plain white V-neck T-shirts, and a blue zip up hoodie, and a nice light grey button up shirt.

"Hmmm," Aerith paused as we were walking to the register.

"What?" I asked, curious to hear what she had on her mind.

"I don't think two pairs of pants are enough." Aerith tapped her chin.

"Already have a lot." I pointed to the cart.

"How about I'll let you get skinny jeans, as long as they aren't black." Aerith grinned and I nodded.

"Deal." I picked out a pair of white skinny jeans, and then a pair of purple skinny jeans. "Too much." I said in guilt as we stood in line to pay.

"Nonsense, I haven't given you much since you moved in with me, and it'll be nice to see you with some color." Aerith said just before she paid. I thanked her again as we loaded everything up into the car.

"Alright, you have about half an hour before we're leaving to Demyx's house, so hurry." Aerith excused me as I ran to my room, threw on my new cargo pants, my blue long sleeve, and my purple flannel with the sleeves rolled up to my elbows. I put on my all black converse high tops and rushed to fix my hair. I added the paste-like product that Demyx gave to me and worked my fingers through my straight hair and a few minutes later, I was ready.

"Just in time. Come on," Aerith and got back in the car and she drove as I nervously sat in the front seat.

"You ok?" she asked me and I gulped.

"Nervous to see Demy." I gave a timid smile.

"I'm sure he is nervous too. Enjoy yourself, and behave." Aerith waved as she pulled up to the curb and I got out.

I knocked on the door and was greeted by Aqua, who smiled happily.

"Hey there Zexion, it's good to see you." She gave me a small hug.

"Hello," I greeted back.

"Demyx is cooking in the kitchen. Go ahead and let yourself in; I'm going to say hello to Aerith." Aqua walked past me as I went into the house.

The hallway right past the front door was filled with picture frames hanging on the wall, most of nature and places Aqua has most likely visited, and some of Demyx. I smiled as I saw pictures of him that I hadn't seen before, and when I heard him humming to himself, I wandered into the kitchen. His back was towards me as he prepared our dinner, shaking his hips as he sang quietly to himself, dancing happily in place. I stood with a wide smile, loving his light-hearted spirit as I watched secretly.

"Ta-da!" Demyx said to himself with his hands up in the air, so I started clapping.

"Ah!" Demyx panicked as he spun around.

"Hi Demy." I giggled.

"Oh my god," Demyx gawked at me and I was afraid that I had upset him by sneaking in him.

"I sorry! Didn't watch long," I cleared my throat.

"Zex...you...you look amazing!" Demyx widened his eyes. "Oh my god, you look so beautiful." Demyx smiled, causing my entire face to turn red.

"Th-thank you Demy. Aerith took me shopping." I confessed.

"Zex, you, I mean, I'm speechless. You look breathtakingly gorgeous!" Demyx blinked a couple times before he walked up to me.

"D-Demy?" I asked nervously just as he cupped my face and kissed my lips softer than ever before. It was like a kiss of a ghost, who's warmth was teasingly present before it died once again. I let out a shudder, missing the fragile connection of his trembling nerves against my impatient shyness.

"I love you," Demyx whispered before he leaned back in, as if he planned on kissing me again. I couldn't explain why, but I was panting. His first kiss was more of a tease than anything, and I craved his affection. I tilted my head upward and to the side, encouraging that which I wanted so badly. Demyx puckered his lips into a tiny tip and pecked mine, leaving me satisfied with a slight desire for more.

"I love you too Demy," I shook lightly in his grasp, loving the safety that his arms provided as he lowered his hands to my hips.

"Zexion? Oh, I see that you found Demyx no problem." Aqua smiled at me as she walked into the kitchen.

"Hi Aqua." I said, not really knowing what else to say. I spun around to greet her as Demyx kept his arms around my waist, letting me lean against him.

"Aqua, doesn't he look cute?" Demyx squeezed me, causing my eyes to widen as he constricted my rib cage in his arms.

"He does look very handsome," Aqua smiled at me as I turned red from shyness and blue from the lack of oxygen.

"Dem," I coughed just before he relaxed his hold.

"He looks so adorable and beautiful and I just love him so much." Demyx swayed our hips side to side, causing me to close my eyes in relaxation.

"Love you too Demy," I looked up and behind to smile at him.

"Demyx, have you offered your guest any water?" Aqu asked, so Demyx rushed to let me go and get me a glass.

"Thank you." I kissed his cheek before I took the cup and sipped quietly.

"Shall we eat?" I helped Aqua set the table as Demyx served us. We discussed school and ideas of college as we ate, which brought up a lot of questions that I had.

"Did you send out your application yet?" Aqua asked Demyx, who nodded.

"I sent one to Twilight Town University, Radiant Garden University, and my last choice is Destiny Islands." Demyx said, causing my eyes to widen.

"Destiny islands, far away." I tried not to frown; I didn't want to discourage him, but the idea of him being so far away scared me.

"It's my last choice, and Twilight Town seems pretty serious about offering me a scholarship." Demyx was quick to clarify.

"Have you applied yet?" Aqua brought the focus to me, but I shook my head.

"Not sure where to," I made up an excuse. I knew I was more than smart enough to get in wherever I wanted to, and I could probably even get a scholarship too, but part of me was still surprised that I was surviving high school. "Probably Twilight Town." I shrugged, giving the more obvious and likely possibility.

"I'm sure Aerith is the best guardian for you then, since she's pretty experienced with college applications. Although applications are due at the end of the month," Aqua reminded me and I nodded.

We finished eating Demyx's wonderfully home-cooked dinner and sat in the living room, where things soon progressed.

"Zexion, have you ever seen pictures of Demyx as a baby?" Aqua asked with a smirk as my eyes widened in excitement.

"No, you have some?" I asked and she nodded.

"Aqua!" Demyx whined as she left down the hall and returned with a photo album.

"Alright, let's see what we have here." Aqua sat down between me and Demyx, opening up the album as I smiled wide.

"Demy so cute!" I pointed to a picture of Demyx at just a few years old, smiling happily with shining eyes.

"Demyx was such a happy baby. He didn't cry, even when he was hungry, and he had himself on a strict napping schedule that made it easy to watch him." Aqua said, as if she knew from personal memories.

"How you know baby Demy?" I asked curiously.

"I used to be friend with his mother." Aqua turned the page in the photo album. "I knew her before she even got pregnant with Demyx, and I remember her telling me the day she found out she was with child. She was scared, because at the time, she and her boyfriend weren't getting along so well. Anyway, I grew up watching Demyx a lot whenever she was busy," Aerith said, but Demyx interrupted.

"Or when she abandoned me," Demyx looked away as I felt my heart drop in sympathy.

Aqua put her arm around Demyx shoulder, smiling in encouragement.

"When she left, I was already in Radiant Garden, with some friends. By the time I found out, Demyx was already in a foster home. I got him as soon as I could." Aqua patted Demyx's back.

"Thank you." Demyx smiled sweetly at her.

"Awww, look at this one," Aqua pointed to a picture of Demyx pouting, probably around the ages of four or five.

"Demy so cute when sad," I smiled.

"He was the perfect baby," Aqua added.

"Then why did they leave me?" Demyx asked sorrowfully. I gulped as Aqua closed the album, not sure what I could say or do to help the clearly painful position he was in.

"Your mother ran in fear, and your father escaped in anger. What they did to you wasn't fair, and it has no connection to your personality. You're a great boy Demyx." Aqua said with resolution.

"Demy?" I asked shakily. What was I doing? Was I actually about to give advice? I swallowed hard to clear my tightening throat.

Demyx looked at me as I coughed nervously.

"Yes?" Demyx asked and I shrugged.

"When dad died, mom said my fault. Felt guilty. Blamed for everything, but not my fault. Not your fault either." I didn't see how that was supposed to help, but it came out regardless.

"It's just hard to know that me being born caused so many problems for my parents, which led to their downfall." Demyx looked away as I tried to think of something else to say.

"You born is gift Demy." I said truthfully.

"How can it be if it caused my mom to relapse into depression and drugs which eventually caused my dad to kill himself?" Demy put his head in his hands.

"Saved me." I said simply, just before Demyx slowly looked up.

"What?" he asked, as if in shock at what I found to be something obvious.

"If you not been born, Zexy would have lost hope. Probably be dead." I admitted with an unsure smile.

"Zexion don't say that," Demyx shook his head but I knew better.

"It's true!" I stood up. "Demy taught me hope, and worth. Demy taught me love." Demyx gave me a small, sweet, yet scared smile.

"I'm not a teacher Zex. I was trying to save you but I can't. Only you can save yourself." Demyx said. I looked to Aqua who nodded at me before I spoke.

"Demy empowered me to save myself." I smiled shyly. Demyx looked away in thought, and when he looked back, he almost looked hurt.

"Really?" he asked, unsure. I nodded confidently.

"Yeah. Demy inspired me." I took a step to stand right in front of him, and reached for his hands.

"Thank you." Demyx quickly rushed his arms around my hips, snuggling his face into my tummy.

"No Demy, thank you." I combed my fingers slowly through his Mohawk. Demyx inhaled deeply before he looked up at me, giving me no choice but to bend down and kiss his cute nose right on the tip.

"Alright you two, as much as I hate to break this up, I promised Aerith I'd have you home by the end of the hour." Aqua stood up.

"It's kay, I see Demy tomorrow at school." I tried to stay positive, knowing that Demyx needed it from me the way that I had always required it from him.

"I love you Zex. I'll see you tomorrow. Thank you so much for coming over, and for making me feel better," Demyx stood up as he kept his arms around me and pulled me in close against his body.

"Thank you for dinner Demy. Love you lots." I kissed his cheek since I felt weird about kissing his lips in front of Aqua. Demyx stayed behind to clean up the kitchen as Aqua instructed, which led me to believe that there was something in particular that she wanted to share with me in private during the car ride home. For once, my suspicion was right.

"Thank you for having me." I said politely as we got in the car.

"Thank you for coming over. I'm really happy that we are getting to know each other. Demyx talked about you for so long, I was anxious to really get to know you." Aqua smiled as she backed out of her driveway.

"Demy's great." I said, trying to keep to myself to avoid anything too deep or awkward since I didn't have anyone to save me from her potential interrogation.

"He is. He's been through a lot, but he works hard not to let it keep him down." Aqua smiled.

"Inspiration." I nodded along.

"So I hear. He told me that you have been through some rough times as well." Aqua left it at that and I gulped, hoping that she'd change the subject. She didn't.

"He was devastated when you were admitted into the hospital." Again I remained quiet. "He doesn't like knowing that you self harmed, because he cherishes your company so much. His only exceptions were when you were involved with unhealthy coping methods." Aqua paused again, and I knew where this was going.

"I must let you know that as Demyx's guardian, I can't allow him to be with someone who does drugs, drinks alcohol, or has other unhealthy habits." Aqua said, and I gulped.

"He told me about your past, and about some of your struggles. Demyx takes it very seriously because of his own memories. I can't let him get hurt again, by any means necessary." Aqua said and I nodded.

"Don't do it anymore," I said, praying that Demyx kept our oath that we wouldn't tell anyone about Seifer's party.

"I'm trusting you, because Aerith and Demyx trust you. I just want you to know that Demyx is sensitive, and needs healing just as you do." Aqua explained and I nodded that I understood.

"Now that he'll be seeing his mother for the first time in years, I have no doubt that his insecurities and fears will surface within him, and we need to be patient and understanding when talking with him. He wants to feel loved, and that his efforts matter. Whenever someone he cares about does drugs, he feels like his values mean nothing. I'm not trying to guilt you Zexion, but I want you to understand. You mean a lot to him, and I can see why. You are smart, sweet, and caring. But as Demyx's guardian I have to make it clear that I will not permit him to be around anything that will contribute to his insecurities." Aqua gave me her warning, and I nodded.

"I won't." I said honestly.

"I'm glad to hear that. I think you two have a lot to learn from each other, and Aerith and I both agree that you can help one another heal. You just have to take care of yourself first, ok?" Aqua asked and I nodded once again.

"I heal to help Demy heal next." I said as we pulled into Aeriths driveway.

"I'm glad to hear that." Aqua said as she parked. She got out to talk to Aerith, so I opened the door and walked in.

"Hey, how was dinner?" Aerith asked me and I gave a fake smile.

"Demy great cook. Aerith, tired. Go to bed?" I asked and she nodded.

"Alright, why don't you say goodnight and thank you to Aqua and head off to bed." Aerith suggested in a way that hinted that it wasn't just a suggestion.

"Thank you Aqua for dinner. Night." I waved to her and hugged Aerith quickly before I went to the bathroom to shower and brush my teeth.

As I started the water and waited for it to heat up, I couldn't stop thinking about what Aqua said. I knew that her words were right, but it was hard to actually think about myself as a threat to Demyx's healing. I couldn't ignore the tension in my gut that guilted me. I felt responsible for any pain that I put him through, and I felt like a burden with a ticking clock. It was as if at any second, I could relapse into some kind of trouble and be the cause for so much hurt. I didn't like thinking about it. I didn't like thinking about everything that I put him through, and the things that I knew would eventually come up.

I stepped into the shower as the scolding hot water burned my pale flesh. As I stood there taking every millisecond of physical pain, I started to get angry, at myself. It was always my fault. I was always the cause for so much suffering. I knew what I wanted, and I knew even more so that it was stupid, but I couldn't help myself as I pulled out the last blade to my razor. I didn't know when I'd get the time to go off and buy a new one, but I never had any facial hair to shave anyway. Besides, it'd be worth it. It always was.

I knew that I had to call Demyx if I felt the urge to cut, but I didn't even have my phone on me as I stood naked in the bathroom. I just wanted some kind of relaxation and I knew that I could call him afterward, and apologize. I felt so guilty for contributing to Demyx's pain, and I needed to feel my own pain to balance it all out. I couldn't explain it, but it all made sense in my head.

Right then and there, it was just about me getting the temporary satisfaction that I needed. I kept one blade in my backpack, in an empty breath mint case. Another blade was hidden in my bed frame, which I keep there just in case I get the urge to cut while at home. I knew I had to be careful about leaving the others lying around, but at that point all I wanted was some restitution for my suffering. I just wanted a break from the guilt and the blame.

I knew that what I was doing was only going against everything that Aqua said, but I didn't care. I knew that Demyx would only be disappointed but fuck it, I already have other scars on my thigh. It's not like one more would really make that much of a difference anyway. I quickly made a tiny slit as I pulled the crisp edge of the blade against my upper thigh, feeling the intense burning of the steaming water mix with the crimson liquid oozing out of my leg.

I put my hands over the wound, trying to pace my breathing to relax my exhausted mind. As I adjusted to the slowly numbing pain, I smiled. There was a slight tingling sensation that caused me to shiver as it tickled my spine, draining me slowly of energy as I wished for sleep. I rinsed off any evidence as best I could before I turned off the water, threw my pajamas on, and rushed to bed. I could hear Aerith and Aqua still talking even as I lay in bed, and that inky made my thigh throb even more as I tried to drown out their voices with my thoughts.

"I'll see you later. Bye!" I heard Aerith call out before she closed the door. I heard her footsteps near my room, so I rolled on my side to give the doorway my back, trying to get rid of the icky guilt that rotted away inside me.

"You ok?" Aerith walked in my room, but I closed my eyes to feign sleep. "Zexion, I know you're awake," Aerith crossed my room to face me, so I opened my eyes.

"What's wrong?" Aerith asked me, but I didn't want to talk about it.

"Nothing," I whispered.

"It's ok, I'm here to listen. Why don't you try telling me what's on your mind. I can tell that something has been bothering you since you got back." Aerith titled her head slightly.

"Miss Demy," I gave the simple, short, yet still believable response.

"That may be, but I can still sense that there's something deeper going on. You can trust me Zexion, it's alright." Aerith sat down on the edge of my bed, so I sat up slowly, keeping my legs well covered by my blankets.

"Feel guilty. Never good enough." I sighed.

"Zexion, that's not true. Aqua told me about the talk in the car, and I know that she didn't mean to scare you or guilt you. She's worked hard to help Demyx get this far, and she just wants to make sure that he doesn't go backwards in progress. I understand her concern because that's I how feel about you. You've

come so far since you were released from the hospital, and I want you to be proud of that. At the same time, I wouldn't want anything to happen that would threaten all the hard work that you've so patiently completed." Aerith said, actually making me feel better, we're it not for the bloody secrets I've been hiding.

"Just want to feel good enough." I shrugged.

"I know, and you are. Don't worry, with time, it'll start to feel more real as you and Demyx continue to work together and learn how to trust each other." Aerith rubbed my back.

"Just want Demy to trust me. Want him happy." I looked down at my lap, trying to hold onto any hope that might have been left after the talk with Aqua and my moment if weakness in the shower.

"I know that he is happy with you. Continue working on your own life, as Demyx works on his, and support him through his mothers encounter when he needs it." Aerith said and I nodded.

"Aerith?" I don't know why, but I felt like she needed some sympathy too.

"Yes?"

"I sorry, about Zack," I worried that I had brought up something too painful by the way that she blinked with a mild gulp.

"It wasn't your fault." She said quietly.

"Aerith," I could tell that she was thinking.

"Get some sleep, ok?" Aerith gave me a small hug and left my room as I fell asleep with a hand over my thigh.

* * *

><p><strong><span>Author's Note<span>: OMG talk about crazy past two weeks, and after traveling across the world yet again, I'm finally settled in with internet access!**

If you haven't read it already, I have a **sexy, short Akuroku story that I wrote for AkuRoku day! It's called August the Thirteenth** (I know, real creative lol). I'm hoping that by the time you read this, I would have already posted the lemon ;) Go check it out!

To Killerpanda, aww, I'm glad to hear about your bf, and thank you for the lovely compliment. You are very sweet! (your bf is lucky hehehe). Thank you again for the positive feedback ^_^

To Guest: Haha, aww, it's nice to know that you are that excited about my story being updated! Thank you so much for reviewing.

To T2CHN0 C4t: Wow, perfect? That's such an honor! Thank you for such kind compliments! Lol, no worries, I'm a pervert for writing it . Yes, there will be multiple lemons…. ;D

To Rawritsakookye: Haha, bloodbath? Sounds way too intense for my writing lmao jk.

To luckycat222: The dance will be coming up pretty soon, don't fret! Lol, thanks, I added the strip poker scene last minute, but I'm glad I did!

To Red-Travels-the-furthers: OMFG I LOVE your name! Makes me want to fangirl cry lol. Yes, you do see a lemon cuming ;) and Demy is adorable! Thank you, it's great to hear that you really enjoy this story, and sorry, I couldn't give you Demyx's delicious naked body that easily ;P lol. Thanks for reviewing!

To FenrirDarkWolf: Haha, Zexy is very blunt, and lusty, but I agree: I don't blame him for a second! Yes, Aerith has awful timing it seems!

To Keyblade Master13: Yay! I'm happy that you liked the strip poker scene. I seem to have mastered the cliff hanger part of writing, if nothing else lol. LMAO! Yes, the blonde has a lot of fun with the redhead, as you will later read ;) ;) *wink wink*

To Genesisluv98: Lol, glad to hear that my writing received a *nosebleed*! That's a first hehehe. I love a cute and cuddly Roxas, so I try to get that across with Axel's gentle yet simultaneously aggressive pervy yet sensitive mind….it's quite complex hahaha. Oh, well yeah it could be freaky loll, but he heard his name, so he followed. Doesn't sound too odd to me lol. Thanks for reviewing!

To Cirxe145: haha, glad to know my spoilers are secure! Haha yes, I shant keep you waiting tooooo long lol. Yes, I intentionally typed Demyx cussing, although I'm aware that he is the more pure of tongue in the group. I know he's cussed before, although usually when he's extremely bothered, but I felt like it was alright to just throw one in there to remind people he's not one hundred percent against cussing, since his foul mouth is a rare thing lol. But I'm proud of you for noticing that it's rare! Hehe, action will come soon enough ^_^ Thank you for reviewing!

To Zelta Frost: lmao I'm the same! I love snuggling to pillows in my sleep….gosh I need a relationship lmao jk jk. Haha, it's great to hear that you responded so interactively with the scene of Zexion shouting Demyx's name! I try to add something random and fun every now and then.

To xSonya: I just want to say thank you for your reviews, and I'm happy to see every single one of your comments! I love reading them, and it's great to hear that you enjoy reading this story! Thanks again, and I hope to hear from you again soon ^_^

To RoxasVentusHikari: man it's been a while lol. Well, needless to say that things with that guy failed soon after they started. (translation: he randomly stopped texting me so we never met up). But I'm so pathetic I'm already onto a new crush as of today lmao. Hopefully this one wont be as tragic. At the least I'm already friends with this guy, so we talk a lot and he said he likes me, but it was very casual amongst others so it was in a 'friendship' way, clearly nothing more. For now ;) hehe. Haha, glad to hear that you liked the last chapter! Haha, yaoi overload? No such thing! XD if there were, trust me, I'd be dead haha. Aww, sorry it had to end there. I'll make it up for ya ;) I hope things are going good for you too!

To Pretty-Devil-in-Prada: Thank YOU for the review ^_^ I am happy to hear that you are hooked on this story! Fun fact about me: I actually shipped AkuDem before Akuroku. When I first discovered yaoi less than 2 years ago, I shipped soriku and cleon. Then I saw a picture of akudem and fell in love. Shortly after, I realized that akuroku was what I preferred, just because I find it more realistic. But I will forever ship and love Akudem! Please check out "Felt So Right" if you haven't already (it's an Axel X Demyx AND Roxas! Also, Let Me Be Your Popsicle references how Axel and Demyx used to date, if you want a complete story that is deep and funny.) And of course, I am working on an Akudem right now (shhh, it's a secret: probably wont be out for a while because I'm busy with my other stories =( but yeah, I have an Axel X Demyx story on the way!). Naked cuddles? I'll see what I can do ;) hehe

To Xiola-Nobody: Akuroku and Zemyx heaven? I want to go! Lol. Yes, progress has been made, and they are just too sexy to give them away so easily ;) hehe. Haha, glad you agree that Demyx is being a bit harsh to Zexion. Poor little guy hehe.

To Kendraduck09: Aww, thanks! (I thought Mr. Grumps was fitting, so I'm glad to hear that you liked it too!) Thank you so much for such a positive and uplifting review! It really encourages me to write as much as I can, and then some! Hehe. More cuddles and intimate moments on the way ;)

**Thank you everyone for all of the love and support.**

**Heart, Sarabellum**


	33. I'm Sorry For Hurting You

When I woke up, I knew that the scar on my thigh would have to be revealed, so I decided that during lunch, I'd tell Demyx.

I had planned it all out, the way I would tell him why I was hurting and how much I love him, to soften the blow. I even rehearsed it all in my head as Aerith drove quietly to school, making me wonder if I somehow ruined her day by bringing up Zack again last night.

"Zexion?" Aerith said her first word to me all morning in the car.

"Yes?" I wondered what she was about to say.

"I'm sorry for cutting you off last night. It's been a while since I thought about Zack," She admitted quietly as she kept her eyes on the road.

"Sorry brought it up." I apologized back.

"It's ok. I wish he were still here, I'm sure you would have enjoyed his friendship. Everyone who ever met him loved him. He was a great guy." Aerith smiled.

"Know he'd be proud of you."

Aerith smiled as she parked.

"Thanks Zexion. Enjoy your classes, and I'll see you after your last, ok?" She reminded me before I was dismissed.

The entire morning felt a little off as Axel seemed more cheesy and desperate for humor than usual, all while Roxas was quiet and looked impatient, especially towards his own boyfriend. Demyx didn't even show up for math, and when he did come to school late, he was very distant. We're never romantic in class in front of others, but he seemed even more detached than ever before, which made me wonder if I had down something wrong during our dinner date. Or even worse: I was scared that perhaps Aqua had punished him from talking to me. I was so paranoid that I had fucked something up, and without any reassurance from him, I was left guessing, up until lunch time.

"Turkey and cheddar? Seriously?" Roxas whined as he pulled his sandwich out of his brown paper lunch bag.

"Oreos! Yes!" Axel took them out of Roxas' lunch and started snacking.

"Really?" Roxas asked, sounding upset.

"Oops," Axel mumbled with food in his mouth. He winced before he took the half chewed cookie out of his mouth. "Here, want it?" He asked, not really clear if he was being serious or a smart ass.

"It's not funny Axel." Roxas rolled his eyes.

"I'm sorry! You want me to go buy you some after school?" Axel tried to make up for his mistake.

"It's not about the Oreos; it's about respect!" Roxas stood up and walked away, leaving Axel to swallow his mouthful before he chased after, which was only one step with his long legs.

"Roxy, relax."

"No, don't talk down to me like I'm beneath you." Roxas seemed more upset than usual.

"Well, I mean, you already know this, but I am the one who takes top," Axel winked, working at an attempt on humor into the fight that Roxas didn't welcome.

"Can you shut up and act mature for once?" Roxas' patience was really limited.

"Babe, I'm just trying to lighten the mood," Axel shrugged.

"Oh I see, so when Zexion and Demyx fight, you're all serious and mister miracle worker, but then when I'm upset, you just laugh it off like its nothing. Yeah, great idea, cause, as your boyfriend, I love hearing you laugh at my frustrations." Roxas' sarcasm made the rest of us quiet.

"I'm sorry! I didn't realize you were that upset, but now that I know I promise to give you the attention and respect you deserved all along."

"It shouldn't have to be forced out of a warning." Roxas muttered.

"And I apologize. Is there anything I can do to make it up?" Axel almost looked desperate to fix things as I watched in curiosity. As mean as it sounds, I was just happy to see a couple fighting that didn't involve me.

"No, Axel, you can't just make my anger disappear by kissing up."

"I'm not trying to kiss up!" Now it was Axel's turn to be angry.

"Then just shut up already!" Roxas snapped, and it was clear that the cause of his anger had to do with something much bigger than his favorite snack. I looked to Axel, unsure of what I could do or say. If it was anyone other couple fighting, Axel would have all the answers, cause that's just how he is. Since this fight involved him, I was curious to see how he'd handle it.

He nodded slowly, closed his eyes for a brief moment, and took a deep breath. "Ok, I'm going to sit down and finish eating. When you're ready to talk, I'll be waiting. I'm sorry I disrespected you, and I love you." Axel nodded to himself before he took his seat back on the bench at our picnic table. Roxas gulped and looked at me, so I gave him the best smile that I could. The blonde looked away, as if he were thinking, and then he walked back under our tree and sat down next to his boyfriend, a bit stiff.

"Axel?" Roxas looked to his boyfriend, who was sipping his water.

"Yes?" Axel didn't even look at Roxas.

"I'm sorry," Roxas whispered.

Axel set his water down and turned to Roxas. "I want to be respected too. Telling me to shut up, it doesn't help, especially when you yell it." Axel was honest, but kind.

"I know, and it was wrong. I should have been honest with you from the start, and I shouldn't have taken my pain out on you." Roxas kept his voice low as Axel looked at him curiously.

"What's wrong?" Axel could sense that Roxas had an unspoken burden.

"Oreo, Oreo," Roxas stuttered, then looked away. "Oreo died this morning, before school." Roxas continued to look off at the side, even as Axel put his arms around him.

I looked to Axel, slightly confused.

"Oreo was his cat for thirteen years." Axel explained as he rested Roxas' head against his chest.

"I sorry," I gave my condolences.

"It, it's ok. She was old." Roxas tried to smile.

"You going to be ok?" Axel asked, concerned.

"As long as you hold me." Roxas smiled up at Axel, who gave him a weary smile back.

"Then I will never stop." Axel gave such a cute wink that wasn't flirty or perverted, but sweet and loving.

"I love you, and I know that Oero did too, even if she hissed at you a lot." Roxas seemed to be working hard to stay positive, so Axel held him tighter.

"I love you too babe."

I cleared my throat and looked at my own boyfriend, who had spent the entire time filling out forms for Twilight Town University, which I guessed explained his solitude and quiet focus.

"Dem? Can I talk?" I asked and Demyx put his pen down, and I hoped that I wasn't bothering him.

"Sure." Demyx seemed to be 'off' that entire day, but I couldn't put my finger on it. I got tired of blaming myself, so I just assumed it was from the stress from college applications.

"No, Demy, need to talk, alone." I frowned.

"Oh, um, ok," Demyx stood up and we took a couple steps away from our usual spot, far enough from anyone else.

"What is it?" Demyx stuffed his hands in his pockets.

"Demy, I, I cut." I frowned, nervous. I didn't know how else to say it, so I figured that just coming out with it would save us all time.

"You, you were supposed to text me," Demyx looked disappointed.

"Was in shower, didn't think or have phone." I explained.

"Zexion, you were supposed to text me so that you wouldn't end up hurting yourself!" Demyx sighed at me.

"I sorry," I apologized.

"You realize that this system isn't a 'get out of jail free card', right? You can't just cut and tell me and use my kindness to get away with this!" Demyx yelled and I gulped.

"I sorry." I whispered, feeling guilty.

"I, I can't deal with this." Demyx shook his head.

"Demy, wait," I grabbed his sleeve before he could walk away.

"No I can't keep waiting forever Zexion. I have college applications, swim meets, homework, and so much more that is occupying my mind right now." Demyx sighed loudly.

"Just let me explain Demy." I begged.

"No, I'm done with this just leave me alone!" Demyx shouted before he yanked his arm free and stormed off.

Axel came up to me and asked if I was ok, but I couldn't even register what had just happened.

"I cut, and told Demy. He's mad." I said and Axel nodded.

"Why did you cut?"

"Felt bad for Demy, his past." I didn't know how else I could explain it.

"Zex, you cutting isn't going to make up for Demyx's history. All it's going to do is negatively impact his future, and I know you don't want that for him." Axel always made more sense than I wanted to admit.

"Wasn't thinking. Just needed to cope." I made up excuses, but they were true in my head.

"Alright, well, next time, try and contact at least one of us, ok? I'm going to go with Demyx. Stay with Roxas." Axel left and I sat back down at our table and told Roxas everything.

"We're here for you, but if you make it a habit again, then we'll have to tell Aerith." Roxas said and I nodded, just as Demyx and Axel returned.

"So, we're thinking about having a sleep over again tonight." Axel smiled and I thought that maybe Demyx was in a better mood, although he didn't look like it.

"But it's Monday," Roxas thought aloud, since we usually on do such things on the weekends.

"Yeah, but it just feels like a good day to have one." Axel shrugged.

"I'm in." Roxas nodded.

"I already asked Aerith, and she said yes." Axel told me and I smiled lightly, hoping to keep up the positive energy.

"Thank you."

It went quiet and I looked to Demyx, who refused to look at anything other than his phone.

"Hey, it'll be alright." Axel said as if he knew why Demyx was staring at his phone.

"Demy ok?" I asked, wanting to clear the air with him.

"I don't want to talk about it." Demyx remained short.

"Dem, it's kind of not fair that you're asking more from him but are giving less of you." Axel winced.

"This is different," Demyx said just as the bell rang. I had no choice but to accept what was going on around me.

We all went to our classes with the heavy tension left over in our minds, and after school, I met up at our lockers, as usual.

"So, are we all ready?" Axel asked with extra enthusiasm to compensate for the zombie-like state that Demyx seemed to be in.

"I'm not going." Demyx said solemnly.

"Why not?!" Axel seemed offended, but when Demyx remained silent and glared at me, I was the offended one.

I felt my heartbeat rise with hurt as I panted lightly, wanting to cry.

"I'm sorry." I apologized, feeling responsible for hurting Demyx yet again.

"Don't apologize, you aren't doing anything wrong." Axel put an arm around me.

"Cutting isn't wrong?" Demyx asked, but Axel was quick to calm him down since we were still in public.

"Dem, he told you. If he didn't care about healing he would have just kept it a secret."

"He still cut, and he shouldn't be rewarded for that." Demyx pointed to me as I gulped.

"Punishing him when he needs encouragement is only going to drive him right back. Besides, we both know this isn't even about Zexion, so stop taking your fears out on him." Axel shook his head.

"Whatever. Go ahead and act like you know best Axe, I don't want anything to do with this right now." Demyx sighed.

"Dem, you need to chill." Axel grabbed his hand. "Look, you've got swim practice in half an hour and a big day tomorrow and I know you're scared. Just go to practice, let out all this aggression, and stay opened about hanging out with us tonight. We're a family of four, not three, no matter which way you cut it." Axel said, which I found to be so sweet, I had to smile upon hearing such words.

"Alright." Demyx pulled his arm free and walked away.

"Why don't we watch him practice?" Roxas asked and Axel shrugged.

"I don't know, he needs space." Axel brought up a good point.

"He'll get space cause it's not like we can talk to him while he practices, but considering tomorrow, he needs family even more." Roxas said, leaving me to wonder what was so big about tomorrow. How the hell did Roxas seem to know more than I did? I wanted to ask, but something deep inside told me that I didn't want to know.

"Yeah, you're right." Axel nodded, so we went to the indoor pool to watch Demyx swim.

Demyx noticed us right away but didn't give any of us a second glance as he focused during his entire practice session.

Once it ended, he dried off, put clothes over his speedo, and walked towards the exit.

"Hey," Axel ran up to him, so Roxas and I quickly followed.

"I'm not in the mood Axe." Demyx was quick to say.

"Ok, I hear you. You don't have to hang out with us, that's fine. We just wanted to let you know that we're for you, ok?" Axel asked and Demyx rolled his eyes.

"Whatever,"

"Dem, come on man, try to be a little understanding." Axel said, but Demyx only shook his head.

"Axe, enough. I don't want to hear it. Not from you, not from you," Demyx pointed to Roxas, and then he frowned at me, "and most certainly not from you." Demyx pointed at me last as I gulped.

"Ok," I whispered as I held back tears of emotional distress.

"Ouch Dem, that's a really low blow," Axel shook his head, clearly frustrated.

"Don't try to defend him. It's his life. He needs to learn to speak up for himself, or just shut the fuck up and decide what he loves more: life, or cutting." Demyx glared at me before he walked away.

I was so speechless, that all I could do was stand there and shiver, breathing like I was out of breath.

"Hey, shh, it's ok." Roxas was quick to hold me.

"Want to go home." I said and Axel nodded, deciding that Demyx needed to be left alone.

"What's wrong?" Aerith asked as I showed up into her office, clearly fighting back by true emotions.

"Demyx snapped, but everything should be better once he's had some time to himself." Axel clarified.

"Ok, come on, let's go." Aerith walked me to her car and we drove home as I stared silently out the window. Aerith kept asking me what was wrong, but I just told her how Demyx was mad for no real reason.

"Well I'm going to start dinner, so you can do your homework here in the kitchen, ok?" Aerith asked and I nodded. I worked on math homework for half an hour, not thinking about anything other than Demyx and the cut on my leg. And the sad thing is, it only made me want to cut more.

"Aerith, can I shower? Want to go to bed after dinner." I said and Aerith nodded.

"Alright. Zexion, I'm trusting you to make good decisions, ok?" She asked and I nodded.

"Just want to relax, warm water." I said and she smiled at me before I left. I took my phone with me, and decided to just be honest.

I sent a text to Demyx that read, 'I'm sorry for hurting you. I'm texting you now, cause I want to cut, only because I'm still so hurt Demy. Don't want you mad at me.'

I stripped of my clothes and turned the water on. I was about to step inside when my phone buzzed. It was a text from Demyx that said, 'I can't deal with this right now'.

I tossed my phone on the sink counter, stepped into the shower, and cried as I gave myself new scars on my leg. If Demyx didn't care, why should I? I could have texted Axel or Roxas, but truth is, I didn't want to be talked out of it. I wanted to cut. I wanted to release my tears and my blood and my frustration.

I gave myself three new cuts and even when I turned off the shower, I was still crying.

I got dressed into sleep clothes and wandered into the kitchen, knowing that dinner had to be near ready by then.

"Zexion?" Aerith looked concerned once she saw my swollen eyes and frown.

She ran up to me and hugged me as I let our louder cries.

"Let me see your arms." She asked and I nodded, not afraid to take off my shirt.

"I'm so proud of you for holding back." She hugged me tighter and I only cried harder. "Shh, it's ok. All this hard work will pay off." Aerith said just before we started eating. I had just cleaned my bowl of soup when a knock came at the door.

Aerith got up to answer it, and came back with a redhead.

"Hey Zex, you ok?" Axel asked and I nodded, my face still a mess from having cried and cut myself.

"Aerith, would you mind if I stayed the night here? I want to make sure he's ok." Axel asked and Aerith agreed to the idea.

"That's very thoughtful of you." Aerith fixed him some soup that he quickly finished.

"Thank you." I whispered once Axel and I were alone in my room.

"Did you cut?" Axel whispered and I actually considered lying, but since I had already warned Demyx, I figured that lying to Axel would only make it worse, so I nodded slowly.

"Zex, you need to stop." Axel was quick to say.

"Hurting." I scrunched my knees to my chest as we sat on my bed. It hurt my thigh, but I didn't even care by that point.

"Life is full of hurt Zex. You can't let that hold you back." Axel put an arm around me and I leaned into his side.

"Tired." I closed my eyes, having a huge headache from all the fighting, crying, and blood that I had to endure in just one day.

"Come on, let's go to sleep." Axel quickly changed into his pajamas and joined me in my bed.

"Axe, what's tomorrow?" I asked, wondering if it explain Demyx's behavior.

"Tuesday." Axel answered, but I shook my head in the dark.

"No, for Demy. Why scared of tomorrow?"

"He's seeing his mom tomorrow." Axel answered and I gulped. Wished I would have known that earlier, but looking back, I don't think knowing would have changed much. I sighed, becoming even more tired, realizing just how hurt Demyx had to be at that moment.

I reached for my phone on my nightstand and started a text.

"What are you doing?" Axel asked and I sent the text, closed my phone, and snuggled up to him.

"Told Demy I love him." I closed my eyes as Axel put his arms around me.

"He loves you too, don't worry." Axel whispered before I fell asleep in his gentle hold.

* * *

><p><strong><span>Author's Note<span>: Here in Japan, it's Zemyx DAY! So I'm updating now lol. Man, talk about a crazy chapter. Pretty much everyone predicted Demyx reacting badly to the news, but at least we see a reason (even if you don't think its 'valid') as to why Demyx is behaving so. The next chapter will be with Demyx's mom, and I hate to admit it, but I used an unnamed OC since I just couldn't find a KH or FF character that would fit the role. And don't worry, the dance is coming up very soon!**

To Luckycat222: Yes, it was a filler chapter (aren't they all? Lmao) , and I'm glad that you liked it!

To Shhh: I'm happy to hear that you enjoyed the way I captured Zexion's mentality on the matter. Thanks for reviewing!

To FenrirDarkWolf: They say that parting is such sweet sorrow….and you used both 'sweet' and 'sorrow' to describe the last chapter, so I guess it fits? Idk, I'm tired :P lol. He looks hot in color. I don't know how I know, but I just do hahaha.

To T3CHN0 C4T: Haha, yeah now that I think about it, Demyx sounds like he'd be good at cooking, and yes, I remember my mom forcing me to buy color during high school because all I owned was black. My friends were shocked haha. Aww, thank you!

To xSonya: Yeah…there was conflict alright. Aww, I'm so happy to hear that you were/are anxious for an update! Makes me feel special hehe. Thanks for reviewing!

To Jenny-Xenj-Harris: Thanks! Glad to hear that you like it. Hmmm, I can't give that away, sorry! Trust me, things will occur and pick up quickly in the direction that will show whether Aerith will find out, or if circumstances change and she never finds out. Thanks for reviewing!

To Cirxe145: Up and down seems to be the pattern of my life so it works for my story haha. Yes, I warned you all about enjoying the moment while it lasted, but now we seem to be back in suspense mode, and I wouldn't trouble yourself too much with the whole 'college' concept. Thanks, as always, for reviewing so faithfully. It means a lot to me ^_^

To kindofabadger: I think its natural to be in the position Zexion was in and consider the consequences, but sometimes the desire for relief weighs it all out. Yes, I'm glad that you sympathized for him. It means I wrote the chapter the way I had hoped to ^_^ Awww, I wish I could high five you back! You're so super sweet and nice! Yeah, I wont lie, I hated Aqua's part in BBS, so I'm being all bitter with her in that last chapter lmao. But hey, it fits with the story, so :P lol. Yes, more Cloud and Leon will be arriving in a fanfic near you ;) hehehe

To Red-Travels-the-Furthest: Aww, well I'm happy that you are attached to this story, even though it's sad that Zexion cut again. I'm so honored to hear that you think I portrayed it perfectly. It really does mean a lot to receive such feedback! Thank you ^_^ OMG you're seriously too kind and when I read your review, I blushed and smiled, my roommate looked at me like I'm some crazy American…which I guess isn't false, but you get the idea :D Thank you so super much for reviewing!

To Zelta Frost: emotional chapters are the best, but yeah, the last one was pretty sad. I know, I feel Demy, but yeah, I can't really say much since I'm the one responsible for writing what I am. No Terra hasn't made an appearance, but he will again. Yes, I hear ya. My classes started, so I've been crazy busy.

To Xiola-Nobody: hahaha, I hate Karma! It always catches up with ya lol. Yes, I'm happy to hear that you sympathize with Zexion! Poor little guy =/ glad I wrote a 'nail-biting worthy chapter hehe!

To RoxasVentusHikari: Aww, well I'm sorry that your friend spoiled it, but I'm honored at the same time! Hehe. Poor Zexion, it seems like telling Demyx really did make it much worse, which is probably due to the fact that Demyx will have his first encounter with his mother in a long time. Haha, I don't blame you for giving up for Zexion, but don't worry….things…..are actually not as bad as they could be for Zexion. I can't give away much more, so I shall leave it at that. Thanks for reviewing!

**I just wanted to say Thank You to everyone for reading and reviewing! I hope you are all having an amazing Zemyx Day! ^_^**

**Heart, Sarabellum**


	34. Watching The One You Love Hurt

When I woke up, I had a text from Demyx, which was sent around five in the morning, an hour and a half after I woke up.

"What's it say?" Axel asked as he sat up in bed. I read it to myself before I handed my phone to Axel, who read it out loud. "Zexion, I'm so sorry for everything. I know it's too late to take back the words that I said, but I didn't mean any of them. I love you. I love you so much. I hope you didn't cut again, but I won't be mad if you did. I'm so scared right now, but I need you to understand. Please. I love you."

"Demy, scared?" I didn't like the sound of that, so I texted him back. 'Demy, I love you too. Did cut, but I so sorry. Don't be scared. I'm here for you.' I sent the text and took a quick shower while Axel got ready for the day as well. When I came out of the shower, I had another text from Demyx.

'Zex, I'm scared. I don't want to be here. I wish you were here to hold me.' The second I read the text, I showed Axel.

"He's at the courthouse. That was sent ten minutes ago; I think we can make it." Axel said, so with Aerith's permission, we sped off to be with Demyx and miss the first half of school.

During the car ride, Axel reminded me that Demyx may still be a foul mood, and to just be supportive, because that's what he needs. I nodded just as he parked.

We entered the building, looking around for any sign of Demyx or where he might be. The two of us wandered to the third floor were we saw Demyx sitting in a long narrow hallway on one of many empty benches.

"Zex?" Demyx stood up slowly.

"You ok Demy?" I asked as I walked up to him.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, and I feared that perhaps my appearance was only going to make things worse.

"Wanted to support Demy," I whispered shyly.

"Zex, that's, that's really sweet. You're such an amazing boyfriend." Demyx smiled at me as I sighed in relief.

"I love you Demy." I had to remind him.

"Thanks Zexy, I love you too. And about earlier," Demyx started, but I knew that the moment was his, and not mine.

"It's ok," I didn't want to talk about it, because I knew that deep down inside, he was needing the attention and care much more than me.

"You ok?" Axel asked, and Demyx nodded before he shook his head.

"I'm really nervous, and scared. My heart is racing. I don't remember feeling so," Demyx looked around. "Abandoned."

"We're here for you Dem. No matter what happens in the next few hours, you will always have Zexion, myself, and Roxas as your family." Axel gave an encouraging smile.

"Thanks. I don't want to see her, yet at the same time, I hope she shows up." Demyx frowned.

"Well, as sad as it sounds, she's probably hoping to get something out of the will, so she might come out of sheer curiosity." Axel shrugged.

"Yeah, I guess," Demyx sighed.

"Will be right here by you side Demy." I held Demyx's hand and squeezed it.

"Thanks babe. God I'm so nervous." Demyx gulped, and when I took a closer look, I could actually see traces of baby tears forming in his eyes.

"Just remember, you are loved, and you do have support," Axel patted Demyx's shoulder, but his face went pale.

"Axe, I can't," Demyx shook his head.

"It's been four years, and all along you've been saying that you wanted to see her again." Axel reminded my boyfriend.

"Axel she left me. She pushed me away and locked the door as I watched her drive off." Demyx sniffled as I looked at my shoes. I didn't know what to say. My mother never meant much to me, but it sounded like Demyx was really hurt not just by the fact that his mom left him, but by the way she left him.

"I know, and I can only imagine how badly it must have hurt," Axel always knew what to say when I clearly didn't, but that didn't even matter, because Demyx's body started to sway as if he was super dizzy.

"I think I'm going to puke." Demyx gasped.

"Shit, come on," Axel grabbed Demyx's arm and started dragging him off to the bathroom. I quickly chased after as Demyx made gagging noises during the twenty second brisk walk, and the instant Axel guided him into a stall, Demyx threw up.

"Oh god," Demyx inhaled between his third and fourth time throwing up food.

"Shh, just let it all out." Axel rubbed Demyx's back as I tried to hold his longer strands of hair back.

Demyx threw up a couple more times before Axel and I helped him to his feet.

"Better?" Axel asked and Demyx nodded.

"Shit!" Demyx fell back to his knees and hurled again.

"Just relax Dem, it's ok." Axel rubbed his back.

"I, I can't do this!" Demyx started sobbing wildly as I stood there frozen, not sure what I could possibly say or do.

"Yes you can. You're fine. You're scared and nervous, but everything will be ok." Axel cooed softly.

"She hates me. She hates me and I never did anything wrong!" Demyx coughed up saliva and random chunks of food that he spat in the toilet.

As grossed out as I was, I didn't even care. All I saw was my boyfriend in need, so I knelt by him, and held him.

"Love you Demy," I said, not to hear it back, but so that he could know it.

"Thank you," Demyx sniffled. "I love you too," Demyx coughed and I moved so that he could throw up again.

"Do, do you want to go home? This may not be good for your health," Axel seemed to be doubting himself, which was rare.

"Yeah." Demyx nodded quickly.

"Alright, come on," Axel helped Demyx to his feet as we exited the stall. Demyx ran water into his mouth and spat it out in the sink before we left the bathroom.

"Can you tell them I couldn't?" Demyx asked Axel, who agreed to tell the judge that Demyx wasn't able to go through with the meeting.

"Sure thing," Axel walked off as I held Demyx's hand tightly.

"Thank you so much for understanding." Demyx wiped his eyes as I nodded.

"I know it's hard Demy," I offered a small smile as he held me.

"Sorry you had to see me throwing up," He gulped and I shook my head against his chest.

"Is ok Demy. You not feeling good. Not your fault." I looked up into his eyes with a smile.

"I love you Zex," He inhaled with a sniffle. "You know that don't you? I'm so sorry I've been a shitty boyfriend." Demyx's eyes watered all over again, so I pulled him close and rubbed his back.

"Shh, is ok Demy." I tried to whisper to calm him down. I tried to think of what Axel would say or do in a situation like that.

"I promise to make it up to you. I just, I didn't know it'd be this hard," Demyx took deep breath's as I nodded.

"It's fine Demy. Will be patient so you can heal." I kissed his cheek as softly as I could, not wanting to kiss his lips after he puked.

"You're so perfect." Demyx smiled so proudly that I couldn't help but smile wide in return. "I promise you I'll make it up to you," he winked and I gulped, hoping he was hinting at what I thought he was. His eyes had finally dried when things quickly took a sudden turn.

"Dem-Dem?" a voice said behind us, so we both turned around. "My Dem-Dem!" A blonde woman smiled almost too wide as she walked up to us with open arms.

"Ma, ma, mom?" Demyx gulped.

"Oh, my little Dem-Dem, all tall and muscular and grown up!" She hugged him as he stood there, limp. "What? No hugs for mommy?" She asked with this smile that looked plastic. Everything about her just seemed, fake, and not even like plastic surgery, but more like, forced.

"I haven't seen you since you kicked me out of your moving car. You expect me to just hug you?" Demyx asked, obviously hurt.

"Baby, I, I can explain all that," His mom pleaded with a hand over her heart and the sorriest of fake frowns. It was so poorly acted, it was disgusting, and it made me want to hurl the way Demyx had just done so.

"Start." Demyx glared angrily, and she opened her mouth, as if she had to think, when the bailiff of the courthouse called us over.

"Where's Axel?" I looked around, but the redhead wasn't in sight. We walked into a private room when I took Demyx's hand. "Demy, want to go home?" I nearly forgot about the whole reason why Axel left.

"No. I, I wanted to, but now, I want answers," I had never seen Demyx so determined, so I decided to just support him no matter what.

Demyx, his mother, and I were in a room that had a huge desk right in front of wide windows, where a man in a formal suit was sitting. There were two chairs in front of the desk, where Demyx was instructed to sit with his mom in the other chair, and a good three feet between them. Axel was escorted inside within a minute, and when Demyx turned around, we made eye contact, so I gave him a small smile. He smiled back, but I could see just how weak it was. Axel and I stood in the back where the guard instructed us to, while the man in the suit continued talking.

"Now for the will. To his ex-wife, he left two thousand munny." The man, I presume a judge, said. The blonde woman gasped angrily. She had bags under her eyes and winkles that only years of smoking, drinking, and drug use could explain.

"That's it? Two thousand for all the shit he put me through?"

"Ma'am!" The judge spoke loudly to shut her up. "Now, to his one and only offspring, he left," The judge turned a page in the stack he had in his hands. "One hundred."

"Hah, serves you right. One hundred munny," the blonde woman mocked Demyx, who lowered his head. I wanted to go slap that blonde bitch, were it not for the security guard standing right by me.

"It's one hundred thousand munny." The judge corrected the woman, just as Demyx's head perked up.

"He left me one hundred thousand?" Demyx asked in surprise.

"There's no way! He gave you more? Why?!" The blonde woman shouted. "I gave birth to you Demyx. I named you. It's my munny!" She went hysteric as the guard moved to stand right behind her.

"The munny belongs to the one named Demyx, and will be his on his eighteenth birthday."

"When is that?" Demyx's mom asked him, which clearly upset him.

"You don't even remember? I'm your only child!" Demyx yelled angrily.

"Don't you talk to your mother that way you ungrateful brat!" The woman stood up and slapped Demyx.

"Hey!" The judge shouted, just before the guard grabbed the woman and held her still. I subconsciously took a step forward, but Axel held me back.

"It's ok." Axel whispered in my ear as Demyx panted loudly.

"Alright, we're done here. Get them out of my court." The judge dismissed us all. The guard escorted Demyx's mom out first, and then ushered the rest of us out.

"Demy!" I ran to him and gave him a hug. He held me tightly for a second before he let me go.

"You ok?" Axel asked and Demyx nodded.

"Look, I'm sorry for everything, I just," Demyx rubbed his cheek.

"It's fine." I said quickly.

Demyx received a piece of paper that he had to keep until his eighteenth birthday, which was only a few months away, and then he'd receive his munny.

We walked out of the courthouse, deciding to go school since we all already missed our first three classes, which Aerith had cleared. Roxas had already agreed to give us notes, as Axel requested via text. Besides that minor decision, we were all very quiet.

We were almost to Axel's car when we were interrupted.

"Demyx! Dem, be a good boy, and share with mommy." Demyx's mom popped out of nowhere. She was dressed in nice slacks and a blue short sleeved blouse, but she still looked so….lost. She was dressed like a professional, but her face looked like a mess, so desperate and hazy.

"Mom," Demyx looked conflicted. He looked hurt, but I could sense a longing coming from him.

"Did you miss mommy?" his mom asked with a smile. Demyx nodded, tears coming to his eyes as he sniffled. "Let mommy hold you." She opened her arms and Demyx stepped in them. Axel and I looked at each other, clearly uncomfortable with her there, but it was Demyx's mother.

"Why did you leave me?" Demyx asked, his voice hurt and angry.

"I wanted to go back for you Demy-kins. I needed to find a safe place for both of us, and I didn't want to take you around with me because I knew it wouldn't be safe. You needed to stay in school and couldn't afford all the moving. By the time I came back, daddy was dead, and you were gone." She said and I gulped. She was either a really good liar, or she wasn't as evil as she seemed just five minutes ago.

"You yelled at me. You locked me out of the car. Daddy hit me every day, and I waited. I waited every damn day with my suitcase packed by the door but you never came! You never came back for me!" Demyx started crying and I felt my own blood boil with anger at this stranger of a woman and the dead man known as Demyx's father. This poor angel was sobbing, and the image of him as an innocent child waiting with his bags packed for his mother that never came was almost too much for me.

"I'm so sorry sweetie. Come back, live with mommy. We'll be a family again."

"I'm so hurt." Demyx continued to cry as his mom rubbed his back. I didn't realize how big that one moment was for Demyx. His mother leaving seemed to have just as much, if not more damage than his father's death. "Once you left things got even worse. Daddy told me to die and I wanted to so badly." Demyx sniffled loudly. "I wanted to die but I thought you'd come back for me." His tears were flowing without control as I felt my own throat swell up. No kind of physical pain could ever compare to the heart breaking feeling of watching the one you love hurt so damn badly.

"I wanted to, but," her real side was being unleashed as he fake frown returned. It was as if she were looking for pity, but there was no way in hell she was going to get it from me.

"I've been working so hard to heal all this pain and now it's ruining my life. I hate myself, and I hate what I'm doing to my friends, and to the people I love. I hate it!" Demyx tugged on his own hair as I watched in pain. I never would have guessed just how much Demyx blamed himself for the fights we had, and to know that he actually had a valid reason all along only made me hate this woman even more.

"I know baby, I know. Mommy will make it better. Come back to mommy." She kept Demyx close as she held him. I didn't like it, not one bit. I could tell that something was wrong, and when she looked at me and smirked, I knew two things. One, I knew that she was some form of con artist, at least when it came to emotions and pity. Two, I knew that I had never hated a person more than I was willing to hate that woman who I didn't even know and had just barely seen.

"We, we can be a family again?" Demyx asked hopefully, making me widen my eyes in shock. Was he serious? It took me all of ten long silent seconds to realize that he was still blinded by his emotions all while I could see the trap that he couldn't.

"Of course baby. This time, daddy won't be there to hit you. No more of his curses, his fists, his drugs. Just us, a happy family." She sounded convincing, but I didn't buy it.

"You, you mean it?" Demyx looked so fragile and vulnerable that it broke my heart to know that she only wanted to use him.

"Yes. Now, why don't you come back and live with mommy. I'll put the munny in a savings account for your college." She smiled so sweetly, it sickened me.

"Ok!" Demyx said excitingly, but I couldn't just watch any longer.

"She's lying!" I said, unable to control myself.

"What?" Demyx turned around, and even Axel coughed nervously.

"Ugh, who is this?" The woman pointed to me in disgust.

"He's my boyfriend mom. I love him." Demyx smiled at me. The woman glared at me like I was diseased before she sighed.

"Fine." She said indifferently.

"Demy, she's lying." I pointed to his mother.

"Sh-she is?" Demyx gulped.

"Boy, shut your mouth. You have no right accusing an elder of lying. Learn some respect!" His mother scolded me.

"Mom, it's ok, I, want to hear what he has to say." Demyx looked scared, as if he believed me.

"I'll have none of it! Demyx, I am your mother. Be a good boy and listen." She gripped his wrist tightly.

"Demy, she does drugs." I said, getting his attention.

"What?!" Demyx pulled his arm back, freeing himself from his mother.

"Excuse me?" She asked me so quietly, as if in surprise.

"Mom? Is it true?" Demyx asked, his hopes crushed as he questioned. She looked at me, and then at Demyx with the most fake of smiles I had ever seen.

"Of course not, that's preposterous. You know how much I hated your father for all the drugs he brought into the house." She seemed so desperate it was pathetic. I shook my head.

"Pinky nail is longer, to snort drugs easier." As sad as it was, I learned that from my own mother. She kept her pinky nails longer on each hand to fit the powder inside her nose so she could snort it.

"It's a coincidence." His mother shook her head.

"Left arm sleeve rolled down. Shoots up. Right handed." I pointed to how his mother had her purse in her right hand and had her jacket sleeve rolled up to her elbow, and her left arm had the sleeve to her wrist. My mother had the same style when going out in public.

"Her sleeve is rolled up?" Demyx didn't get it.

"Doesn't want to show needle marks at courthouse." I explained.

"Show me," Demyx looked at his mother with a strained throat.

"Look, nothing," His mother quickly flashed her left arm.

"Has marks on arms. Heroine." I pointed, recognizing those marks from similar ones on my own mother's arms.

"Mom?" Demyx asked with tears swelling in his eyes, his chest expanding rapidly as he begged for the truth.

"Hm, takes one to know one." She winked at me. I got ready to hit that smirk off her face when Axel grabbed me and unlocked his car.

"Get in the back." He told me, so I listened, knowing that my own mind would only lead to stupidity.

"I will find you Demyx," His mom smiled before she walked away.

"Not if he has a restraining order." Axel's voice was clearly bothered but yet controlled as he took Demyx's arm.

"Mom," Demyx started to whimper, as if he were still trying to figure out what was going on in his mind.

"Come on, in the back." Axel ushered Demyx into the backseat of his car before he called Roxas and changed plans, telling him to meet him at his house after school.

We drove in complete and utter silence all the way to Axel's, and when we got there, Demyx excused himself to the restroom to brush his teeth since he had puked back at the courthouse. I sat down in the living room with Axel, and when Roxas showed up early, having left during lunch time, I figured it was best to check up on my boyfriend.

"Demy?" I knocked on the bathroom door before I opened it. Demyx was sitting on the floor, his face in his hands, crying.

"Sorry!" Demyx apologized as he quickly tried to wipe his tears.

"Shh, it's ok Demy, I here for you." I sat down by his side, used my sleeve to wipe a tear, and pulled him into my chest.

"Thank you." He sobbed harder as he hid in my shirt. I rubbed his upper back as I slowly hummed. I wished I knew how to sing like he does, but I did my best to calm him with a soft hum. We sat quietly, with the minor exception of his cries, for quite some time before he began to calm down.

"I love you Demy. One day, we have our own family." I tried to smile to stay positive. At the word 'family', Demyx wailed loudly, which made me gasp with regret, hoping that I didn't overstep some sort of boundary.

"I sorry!" I whispered quickly.

"No, I, I want a family with you so damn badly." Demyx sniffled as he gripped my shoulders. I smiled gratefully as I continued to rub his back.

"One day Demy. Our very own family." I kissed his temple.

"Thank you for understanding. I'm sorry I hurt you Zexy." Demyx coughed as he got out the last of his cries.

"It's ok Demy. I sorry I add stress." I apologized sincerely.

"Don't you ever say that again! You're not stress, ok? You're my baby. And I should have taken care of you as my baby when you were so perfect by reaching for my help. I'm so sorry I turned my back on you." Demyx's lip quivered, and in an attempt to keep his beautiful eyes from crying again, I kissed him.

"Zexy shouldn't have cut. Demy could have listened. We know now." I couldn't watch him be sad any longer, so I tried to keep him happy.

"Right. No more excuses. From now on, we'll treat each other perfectly, ok?" Demyx asked with a hopeful smile, which widened my own.

"Perfect, like my Demy." I looped my arms gently around his neck.

"Like my baby." Demyx swooped me in his arms and placed me in his lap, cradling me like an infant.

"Hehe, love you Demy." I rested on his shoulder as he placed his head on mine.

"I love you too babyboy." Demyx gave my ass a light pat as I blushed.

"We should go out there. Don't want to worry friends." I said and Demyx nodded, standing up slowly and carefully as he kept me in his arms like a baby.

"Hey, you ok?" Axel asked as Demyx walked to the loveseat and plopped down as I remained in his lap.

"Yeah. I'm great. I've all the family I could ever ask for right here. My babyboy," Demyx bounced me a couple times. "my brother," Demyx nodded over at Roxas, "and the best father figure I've ever known." Demyx smiled at Axel, who actually blushed.

"Thanks Dem. We really are a messed up family huh? I mean, who else would have their father and brother dating." Axel stole Roxas' hips with his arm.

"Well you are one hot daddy." Roxas winked and Axel gave a hungry growl.

"You two," Demyx shook his head.

"Demy?" I asked shyly.

"Yeah?" Demyx asked curiously.

"Guess what?" I bit my lip playfully.

"What?" Demyx asked, excited.

"I love you." I uttered quickly before I pecked the tip of his nose.

Demyx stared at me like I was crazy before he let out a gentle laugh, grinned, and shook his head.

"You're just too damn cute. Thank you Zexy." Demyx squeezed me, so I let out a dramatic gasp for air.

"So, the dance is just a few days away." Roxas reminded us all.

"That's right, and I don't even know what I'm going to wear!" Demyx panicked.

"You'll look amazing no matter what." I smiled encouragingly.

Demyx looked at me with such a soft grin, it was touching. "I love it when you use full sentences, you know that?" Demyx asked, causing my cheeks to tint to a rosy pink.

"I think we should go matching." Axel said randomly, catching all of our attention.

"What?" Roxas asked in shock.

"I think it'd be really cute if we went matching. Like, we can wear black skinny jeans, black blazers, and red tie's. I even have a pair of red suspenders that I think you'd look super sexy in." Axel raised an eyebrow with one of his famous grins.

"Are you serious?" Roxas didn't sound convinced.

"I think that's an adorable idea." Demyx sat me up in his lap so that I was straddling him.

"Want to match?" I asked and Demyx nodded shyly.

"If you want to." Demyx shrugged.

"Ok." I didn't have anything nice to wear to the dance anyway, so I figured I'd have nothing to lose.

"I'm thinking you two could wear white and blue, and then Roxy and I can wear black and red." Axel put a hand to his chin before Demyx nodded.

"So, black skinny jeans, a black button up shirt, and then a red tie and suspenders?" Roxas asked and Axel gave him a thumbs up.

"Exactly. And then these two can wear white skinny jeans and dress shirts with blue ties and blue suspenders." Axel pointed to my boyfriend and me.

"I like it." Demyx gave a nod of affirmation.

"Alright, I'm in." Roxas said indifferently.

"Sounds like fun." I snuggled my face further into Demyx's neck.

"You cozy Zexy?" Demyx asked and I nodded with a smile. "Yeah? You look cozy. My cute little babyboy." Demyx smooched my cheek with wet lips.

"Eww, Demy!" I giggled as I wiped my cheek.

"What? You don't like my kisses?" Demyx asked with a playfully hurt tone.

"Wet!" I stuck my tongue out.

"Well I am part fish remember?" Demyx winked and I couldn't hold back another giggle.

"You so cute Demy." I gave his neck a giant kiss. Demyx inhaled deeply as I started to lick subtly.

"Zex?" Demyx interrupted my kiss, so I sat up straight again.

"Yeah?" I asked, concerned by the worried tone he was using.

"You said that you cut again, right?" Demyx asked and I gulped as I nodded.

I didn't want to guilt him for being responsible, but I didn't want to be blamed either.

"Thought Demy was giving up on me. I sorry." I apologized, but Demyx only sighed as he gave a small nod.

"I can't get mad at you for this one, cause it's technically my fault. Just, please, Zex, I'm begging you to think more. Knowing that you willingly make yourself bleed makes me want to cry again." Demyx frowned.

"No, no Demy not your fault. No more cry." I cupped his cheeks.

"I, I love you." Demyx gulped, just before I broke into a smile.

"I love you too, Demyx." I whispered seconds before I gracefully let my lips fall on his.

After our small kiss, we started making out. It was soft and gentle, but it was everything I needed, to just feel his tongue sweep along the caverns in my mouth. I never realized how relaxing making out can be. Most of the time it's something so heated and passionate, but this time, it was calming. It was sensual, yet peaceful. It was so soothing that I could feel my body going numb as I nearly craved sleep. Just when I thought I couldn't get any more relaxed, Demyx's phone went off.

"Who dares interrupt my kiss with my babyboy?" Demyx asked as he dug in his pocket to silence his phone with the loud rock-n-roll ringtone.

"Oh, it's Xiggy." Demyx answered as I held in a growl. I hated Xigbar more than anyone else at our entire school, all because he tried to kiss MY Demy.

"Hey Xiggy, what's up? Really? Sounds like fun! Yeah, I could use the de-stressing. Alright, see you there." Demyx hung up his phone and slowly pushed me off of his lap.

"Where you going?" I asked, scared of the possibilities. I didn't want my boyfriend anywhere near that creep. It was Xigbar who tried to steal my Demyx, and Xigbar who gave me and Roxas the lemonade-laced ecstasy. To be honest, I've been doubting that it was a coincidence all along.

"I'm going to go do a couple dives and laps in the pool at school. I just, I need to calm down still, and swimming is the best coping method I have. I won't be gone long, don't worry." Demyx smiled at me as he stood up.

"D-Dem going with Xigbar?" I asked, wishing he'd say no.

"Well he and Marly are there, so I mean, kind of." Demyx shrugged.

"But, Xig tried to steal my Demy." I gulped.

"Don't worry, I'm your Demy, no one else's. I wouldn't dare ask for anyone other than you." Demyx gave me a hug, but I still wasn't satisfied.

"I, I don't want you to go." I said honestly.

"Oh, well, I, I was really looking forward to some pool time." Demyx rubbed the back of his neck.

"What if we go watch?" Roxas suggested lightly.

"Well I, I mean, it sounds like you don't want me to go cause you don't trust me." Demyx looked at me.

"Don't trust Xigbar." I corrected him.

"I don't want to feel like I have to be babysat Zex." Demyx looked at me with eyes that almost looked…angry.

"You get used to it." I couldn't help but glare back.

Demyx let out an impatient sigh. "Well I didn't do anything that would bring up a reason to be monitored." Demyx folded his arms and I worked really hard not to roll my eyes at him.

"Just go then," I muttered, not really having anything else to say.

"I'll be back." Demyx huffed before he walked straight for the front door, exited outside it, and slammed it shut.

I couldn't help but hold my own body in sorrow as I sat down in the loveseat, wishing I didn't feel so guilty all the time. That's why I was cutting so damn much. I couldn't ignore all this guilt that was eating away at me.

"Hey, it's ok." Axel sat down next to me and patted my shoulder.

"Don't want him mad at me. Every time I'm honest, Demy get mad." I complained, but only because I thought it was true.

"You two are still learning how to handle each other's life styles and habits and personalities. It's a rocky part of the relationship, but it'll lead to a solid foundation in the future. Just hang in there. Remember that Demyx is still really vulnerable right now because of his mom." Axel reminded me.

"Shit. Forgot." I put a hand to my head. I didn't know how I could have let such a huge detail slip out of my mind, but I guess with all the cuddling and talk of the dance, I forgot that Demyx had just seen his mom for the first time in years, and that she openly admitted to wanting to use him in her drugged up life.

"You just have to be patient with him right now, ok?" Axel said before he patted my back and helped Roxas with dinner in the kitchen.

We ate, just the three of us, and even watched some TV for a couple hours before I began to worry about Demyx.

"Going to text him, see if he ok." I said aloud as I sent a text to Demyx, saying I was sorry for snapping, and that I missed him. Another two hours passed with no word for him, and it was starting to get dark, so I sent another text.

'Demy, please respond. I'm worried. Where are you?'

Of course, he never responded. I tried calling him multiple times, just to see if maybe he couldn't hear that he had received texts, but he never picked up. I was getting so mad, that I didn't even want to leave a message since every single one of my calls went straight to voicemail.

I told Axel and Roxas that I was going to go to bed, since I had given up on my clearly angry boyfriend.

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><p><strong>Author's Note:<strong> **Man, talk about ups and downs in one chapter. Originally this was two chapters, but I decided to just cut to the chase and speed things up a bit. So we started with Demyx and his mother….ouch. Then things seem to be going great just when Xigbar has to enter the picture yet again. I just updated this story not too long ago, but I figured that in honor of Demyx month, posting again seemed appropriate haha. Thank you all for the 500 + reviews!**

To Luckycat222: haha, Zemyx day is a great day! May it last forever in our hearts hehe.

To KingdomKuroGeass: Haha, thanks! I thought it made sense, and would have been a shame not to update on Zemyx day, and I have some time since it's a weekend, so might as well take advantage of it lol.

To T3CHN0 C4T: Aww, thanks! Wow, such a dedicated yaoi fan to risk getting detention! I write fanfics for friends and their birthday's all the time! (looks at calendar, realizes I have 10 days to think of and write a fanfiction using OC's for my bff's birthday!) I should get going lmao. Actually ten days is a really long time, but with homework, classes, and the little social life I'm trying to keep, it goes by fast lol. Anyway, thank you for reviewing, and for bookmarking!

To Jenny-Xenj-Harris: Thanks! I hope everything is going well for you, and that you continue to enjoy reading this story ^_^

To Red-Travels-The-Furthest: Awww, I HOPE YOU ARE EXCITED NOW! Haha, I couldn't resist ^_^ you have no idea how honored I am to receive such complements about the way I portray sadness, it actually means a lot since I do write a lot of it from the heart (cheesy, I know haha) Yes, I agree, Axel is perfect, Demyx is moody, and Zexion is stuck in the middle of being a victim yet being responsible for his own actions. Awww, I'm SO uber happy to hear that you love my Zexion! Thank you so much, it really does put a smile on my face to read such positive reviews. Thank you so so much! I hope your life is going amazingly perfect, as you deserve ^_^ ~With love, Sarabellum

To Kendraduck09: Yeah, it seems that both of them are in positions that aren't helping for a healthy relationship. You're right! Zexion did meet Demyx's mom, or else there would have been no way for you as the reader to meet here, unless Demyx just talked about her, which wouldn't have brought the same level of emotion, I don't think. Hahaha, well yes, I had to add some kind of perversion in there lmao. Glad you enjoyed that and were able to predict it!

To ZeltaFrost: Aww, I'm so sorry! Please don't cry! (I just learned how to say this in Japanese: nakanaide) Axel is just a pro at earning hugs, but Demyx and Zexion sure do seem to have a lot to learn. Hmm, well this chapter seemed to be even more emotional with more random ups and downs, but I really am hoping that your life gets better! Please stay positive, and I know its much easier to say than to do, and I know that I fail at it sometimes too, but just try to hang in there? Even though we don't necessarily know each other, I value reading each and every one of your comments, they really do put a smile on my face, so please, smile? ^_^

To FenrirDarkWolf: Yeah, this chapter was also very tense and sad….seems to be where the story is headed lol. Yes, I thought some Akuroku pressure would be a good balance, and would bring Axel down a level, cause even though we all love him, no one is truly perfect. Well ok, they all are in their own ways, but you know what I mean hehe. ^_^

To RoxasVentusHikari: Oh Crap! Dude, that is a pretty blunt prediction! O.o Well, I can't say if you are right or not, but uh…..yeah….good to know what you think lol. Please don't be depressed? I kinda feel bad now for not helping with these sad chapters . Please cheer up? I promise a happy chapter will be coming soon!

To kindofabadger: Too much hurt on top of wounds doesn't go well, but it seems to be where they are at as a couple. Funny how I chose the title when I barely had a couple chapters written down. Looking back I wish I had a different title, but oh well, too late now haha. Thank you for reviewing!

To Cirxe145: That's a very detailed prediction, I guess you'll have to keep reading to see if it comes true or not! Thank you so much for reviewing everything, I appreciate it!

To XSonya: Aww, well I'm glad your heart is ok hehehe. Oh no! Well I wish your cat a long and healthy life! ^_^ Axel is just too adorable, isn't he? Hehe. Thank you!

To Pretty-Devil-In-Prada: It's fine! I have some bad news for you….the next chapter….will have some akuroku….i'll warn you….yeah . sorry lol, but lots of us like Akuroku and I just couldn't help myself lol.

**Thank you everyone for reading and reviewing, and I hope you all have an awesome day!**

**Heart, con todo en mi Corazon, Sarabellum**


	35. Makes Me Feel Loved

**Warning to my readers, lemon seen is about to start right NOW! (you have been warned lol)**

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><p>I couldn't fall asleep so I decided to get a glass of water when I saw that Axel and Roxas were in the kitchen, which caught my eye. It wasn't because Roxas was wearing an apron, but because he wasn't wearing anything underneath it. I gulped as I watched Axel pull on Roxas' length from over the cloth. The blonde whimpered as Axel held him in place with a strong hand at the small of his back.<p>

"Axel!" Roxas let out the smallest of moans into Axe's neck as Axel grinned, fondling Roxas' bulge.

"Yeah, you like that?" Axel asked and Roxas nodded into his neck as Axel swiftly moved his hand about Roxas' erection.

"Yeah," Roxas mewled.

"Look how cute this is." Axel moved his hand up and down Roxas' penis, showing the exact size and shape of his erection through the apron.

"Eh!" Roxas' legs quaked before Axel knelt in front of him, sucking an exposed nipple clean.

Roxas' entire body shivered as he held onto Axel's head for balance, although he looked like he was ready to just fall over.

"Come on, let's get you seated before you topple." Axel chuckled as he pulled out a chair and guided Roxas in it. Roxas sat down, his legs spread wide, although his parts were barely covered by the white floral apron.

Axel stood behind him, to the side, and slipped his hands down the front of the apron, squeezed Roxas' chest and toyed with his nipples. Roxas closed his eyes and bit his lip as he subconsciously pressed his hips upward.

"Does that feel good?" Axel asked and Roxas nodded desperately. "God I'm so hard right now. You, you want to blow me?" Axel asked and Roxas nodded again.

Axel grinned as he slipped his erection out of his pants and briefs, lucky to be tall enough to reach Roxas' mouth as the blonde sat, even as he stood up. Roxas opened his mouth just as Axel pushed his hard self in, and I watched with guilt as Roxas moaned onto Axel's cock.

"Mm! Mmm!" Roxas whimpered as his mouth was stuffed.

Axel rolled his head back as he thrusted his hips into Roxas' face, gentle, yet obviously holding back.

"God this feels great." Axel continued to rub Roxas' chest while the blonde sucked him.

Axel pushed himself deep, and Roxas' cheeks looked like they were ready to pop before Axel pulled out, leaving his boyfriend to pant.

"Oh god," Roxas gasped, his entire body shaking weakly.

I felt guilty for watching, but I couldn't look away. It was as if my eyes were glued to their attractive bodies and my feet were permanently cemented where they stood. Thankfully I was hidden behind a wall, so I wasn't worried about being caught spying on them, but I still felt awful for watching as they had oral. Although, I guess it wasn't the first time I overheard them being intimate.

Just when I thought they were done, Axel pressed Roxas down against the table on his stomach and spread his legs out. Roxas looked like he was hugging the wide table as Axel stood behind him, ready to go inside. I gulped as Roxas let out a high scream, swallowing Axel's long dick. I couldn't help but place my hand over my mouth as I felt myself harden. Axel's cock was longer than even I would have guessed, and it was pretty thick too. Add that with the fiery red hairs by his base and he was really gorgeous, which made me feel so horrible for thinking. Before I could blame myself any longer, Axel thrusted rapidly inside of Roxas.

"Ah, too full!" Roxas brought his legs together as he kept his arms wide apart with his cheek smashed against the table.

"Ok, hang on," Axel continued to press himself inside his boyfriend, very slowly.

"Eyah! No Axe, no more." Roxas shuddered.

"Shh, you say that every time, but it's fit up there before." Axel massaged Roxas' lower back as he gradually forced more of himself inside.

"Ow-heee, it hurts." Roxas went on his tip toes.

"Ok ok, no more. I'm sorry. You alright?" Axel asked and Roxas nodded.

"Slow thrusts." Roxas said.

"You got it." Axel pumped himself in and out rather quickly, but Roxas only moaned loudly as if he loved it. "Yeah? You liking this?" Axel asked and Roxas let out a loud cry of pleasure.

"Faster!"

Axel grinned. "As you wish my love." Axel squished Roxas' bubbly ass in his hands before he forced himself all the way inside.

"Oh yeah, mmm yeaaah." Axel's own moans sounded like mockeries of Roxas' feminine cries. Axel continued to circle his hands all over Roxas' ass and hips, pushing himself in as far as physically possible as Roxas swallowed him whole.

"Ah, ah, ah oww." Roxas continued to whine as Axel put his hands on Roxas' pelvic bone, between the blondes body and the table, which enabled him to go faster inside his boyfriend.

"Eh-hah-ow-eee." Roxas let out more soft cries as I rubbed my own thighs together.

Axel moved his hands to Roxas' lower back and continued to thrust rapidly. Then, Axel put his hands on Roxas' shoulders and leaned down, kissing his back and his neck as he pounded his ball's against Roxas' ass.

"Ah-howwyy." Roxas cried as if it were painful, over and over again, nonstop, yet there was something about it that made it clear that he loved it. His cries sounded broken, like he was really about to start tearing up, but they were so pant-like in sound that it was becoming difficult to distinguish what it really was.

Roxas pushed his ass out and Axel slammed it back into the table before Roxas gave what actually sounded like a real cry of pain.

"Owwy!" Roxas gritted his teeth.

"Sorry!" Axel was quick to apologize as he laced his fingers in Roxas'. Axel kissed and licked Roxas' back, calming down the whimpering blonde. Axel gripped the apron strings in the back and tugged down on them, starting up the rough fucking all over again as Roxas continued with his girly moans.

"ah-howwyy baby," Roxas whimpered loudly.

"Yeah, tell me you like it." Axel talked dirty.

"I likeeyyy." Roxas couldn't even talk as he kept his eyes closed.

Axel pounded harder, causing the entire table to shake violently as he pounded into Roxas.

"Ah-hah, oww!" Roxas panted for his life, clearly out of breath, sounding like he was ready to pass out or cry.

"I'm coming!" Axel warned before he did just that.

I'm guessing that Roxas came right after, by the way that his shrieks went up a decibel, and I gulped as I shook my head. I could feel blood rushing to my cheeks as I swallowed my guilt, regretting my intrusion, but I knew I had to make a quick escape.

I thought that they were going to leave the kitchen, but then I heard sniffles, and that time, I stayed around out of concern.

"Rox, you ok?" Axel asked, and I wondered if Axel was too rough with Roxas and made him cry, and that made me wonder if it was a regular thing or not.

"Yeah," Roxas wiped his tears with his arm.

"Baby, I, I can't keep doing this." Axel sounded troubled.

"You don't enjoy it?" Roxas asked, but Axel only sighed.

"I do, but I hate seeing you cry after we make love." Axel rubbed Roxas' upper arms.

"I told you, I'm not crying in pain. I know it sounds cheesy, but I cry while we have sex because I like knowing that we're one together." Roxas sniffled louder, and I found myself speechless. That had to be as sweet and cute as it gets. Axel gave a soft smile before he pulled Roxas into his chest.

"I know baby. I love being one with you too. I just, I can't help but feel responsible for your tears, and that bothers me." Axel kissed Roxas' head, on his messy blonde spikes.

"They're happy tears Axe. I'm sorry but I just get emotional when I feel you inside me, cause it's as close as we can physically be." Roxas looked down at the ground as he kicked his dangling legs like a little kid. Axel kept his hands planted by Roxas' thighs, and he shook his head before he kissed Roxas' lips aggressively. When he pulled back, he held Roxas' head dearly against his pectorals.

"Don't ever apologize for feeling what you feel. I love you for you, that means for who you are, what you say, and what you feel." Axel gave Roxas a small smile.

"Thank you Axel. I love you too." Roxas put his hand over Axel's hand, which was resting on his cheek.

"Maybe we can make sweet, soft love next time?" Axel asked as he rubbed his thumb on Roxas' cheek, and Roxas nodded. The two cuddled with an adorable cuteness as Roxas stayed sitting on the edge of the table while Axel held him close.

I tried to ignore the fact that I had just watched my two best friends have sex, but it was hard to let go. I was so jealous and envious, and mildly embarrassed on their behalf, but I decided that I had invaded their privacy long enough.

I tip toed back to Demyx's room and checked my phone. Nothing. Not one text. Not a single call. I couldn't hide my disappointment as I collapsed on his bed, snuggled up to one of his pillows, and sniffled to myself. I waited for a whole hour in the quiet night, and still no sign of my boyfriend. With all that time to myself to consider the possibilities, I couldn't help but play the 'what-if' game. All I could think about was the odds of Demyx actually having cheated on me with Xigbar. It was already eleven at night, so he had been gone for many hours by now and I couldn't think of many other explanations to excuse his absence.

I knew I couldn't trust that one eyed creep. I got angrier the more I thought about it. I wanted to

kill him. I told myself that the next time I see him, I was going to hit him. I wanted to give him a black eye with the one he has left. I was so livid, I couldn't fall asleep. I was so frustrated, that all I could think about was my Demyx kissing that guy.

And why shouldn't he? Xigbar is taller, he's an athlete so he has a better body, he loves swimming just like Demyx, and he's not a helpless emo freak like I am. I had no right to even be angry if Demyx cheated on me, because I didn't even deserve him to be around at all. I should have seen it coming a long ass time ago. I just didn't deserve him.

I sat up in Demyx's bed, and then reached for the breath mint case in my backpack. I gulped as I held up the blade, ready to slice it anywhere on my body, because I was already so fed up.

I felt my heartbeat pick up with anger-fueled adrenaline that fed my hunger for justice against my jealous undeserving body. I knew that Demyx was mad at me; why else would he ignore my texts and calls? He was angry when he left and it wouldn't be surprising if he returned and broke up with me. Why am I even trying to heal? I'm clearly not strong enough. I never was, and never will be. I really should just give up. Get it over with; do the world a favor and stop trying to fool myself and everyone around me.

I thankfully kept the light on the entire time, so I was able to see just fine, but just as I pulled off my pants, the door to Demyx's bedroom opened. I looked up with the blade in my hand as I held my breath.

Shit.

* * *

><p>Demyx gulped as I sat there, red-handed, about to paint the canvas of my body a crimson red.<p>

I remained deathly still with wide eyes, waiting to see what Demyx was going to say or do before I made my next move.

Demyx inhaled deep, controlling his no doubt fearful breathing, as he took a shaky step towards me. I tensed up in defense, but Demyx was sensitive as he slowed down, inching towards me.

I started to pant, feeling ashamed and angry, wanting to hide in my own shadow. Demyx continued to take small steps from his door to his bed, and when he reached his bed, he sat down carefully.

I gasped, getting defensive as he gradually extended his hand out to me. I looked at his hand curiously, realizing that he was asking for the blade, but I remained hesitant to hand it over.

Demyx swallowed so hard, I heard it as he pushed his open palm closer towards me. I bit my lip, slowly shaking my head as Demyx widened his eyes in concern.

He leaned forward even more, his hand right over my lap as I continued to pant. I stared at his hand, my heartbeat pounded violently inside of my chest, and my mouth was parted slightly as I exhaled loudly.

Demyx cupped his palm and I trembled as my eyes ventured up his arm, to his face, and in his eyes. They were watering, and they were so big and round that I fell to the spell of his concern. He looked so worried as he sniffled, and with an unsteady hand, I let it hover over Demyx's palm. Demyx gave me a shy smile with a small nod, and I let out a tiny whimper as I tipped my hand to the side, letting

the blade slide down onto Demyx's palm.

Demyx cupped the blade cautiously, stood up, rushed to his dresser, and pulled out a roll of duct tape. I watched as he wrapped layer upon layer of tape around the blade, making it impossible to use as it nullified its sharp edges.

As if covering it in multiple layers of tape wasn't enough, Demyx opened his closet and threw it on the highest shelf, as far back as he could. I blinked a tear out as Demyx turned around, facing me as his adrenaline showed in his rapid breathing. Then, just when I thought he was going to yell at me or run

away, he ran back to the bed. Demyx rushed to my side, threw his arms around me, and pulled me close while I sat frozen in shock and confusion. I thought I couldn't have been more confused, until he stopped his shuddered breathing to talk.

"I love you. I love you so much. I love you Zexion." Demyx sounded like he was about to cry as he swayed us gently.

"D-Demy?" I asked weakly.

"You are beautiful, and smart, and you are loved so much." Demyx whispered.

"I, I love you too Demy," I didn't know what was going on inside of me as I held his shoulders, desperate for his warmth and affection.

"Your body is so beautiful. Please, don't hurt it?" Demyx rubbed my arms, grazing his skin over my scars, reminding me of the mistakes I had made.

"I won't," I snuggled into his neck.

"I love you Zexion. You know that right? I'm here for you. I love you." Demyx was being such an angel, it actually concerned me.

"Where, where did you go?" I sniffled, still wondering why he was gone for so long.

"When?" Demyx sounded lost by my question.

"Demy gone for hours, angry at me. Thought, thought Demy ran off with Xiggy," I rubbed a tired eye.

"Xigbar? No, Zex, I texted you that I wasn't mad and,"

"No you didn't!" I became frustrated.

"Ok, Shh, let's calm down and see what went wrong, ok?" Demyx put an arm around my shoulder and rubbed it with his other hand.

"Kay," I sniffled, still rubbing my sleepy eyes

"So you're saying that you never got my text?" Demyx asked and I shook my head.

"No. No text, no answer my calls. Nothing from Demy." I said.

"I texted you right after my swim practice that I wasn't angry, and that I loved you, and lastly, that I had an interview with a college scout and my phone was dying." Demyx said, but I only shook my head again.

"Never got anything. Thought Demy was mad." I frowned.

"No baby, I tried calling you but my phone wouldn't let me because my battery was so low, so I tried texting you. I guess my phone died before the text was sent." Demyx frowned back at me. "I'm so sorry Zex. I'm not mad. And I'm sorry that my irresponsibility in forgetting to charge my phone caused you to

worry."

"Sorry I thought Demy kiss Xiggy," I felt bad for not trusting him.

"Your lips are the only ones I want to kiss." Demyx gave me a small smile as I blushed, just before he pressed his soft lips against mine. We smooched repeatedly, our hands lost in each others hair as I grabbed the back of his neck so I could tilt my head, allowing his tongue to push inside my mouth.

His strong muscle demanded to dominate mine, and I gave in without thinking, allowing him to manipulate my tongue by teasing me to chase after in an anxious desire for his moist warmth.

"Mmm!" I yipped into our passionate kiss, my spine tingling as his hand slowly swept down my back.

"Mmhmm," Demyx moaned relaxingly as he kept his hand at the small of my back while I secured my arms around his neck, trying to make up for all of the sorrow and misinterpreted sings of pain by kissing him as selfishly as I could.

We pulled back for some much needed air, our fingers locked as I looked into his eyes, trying to find reassurance that the past night was just one giant misunderstanding.

"I love you." Demyx read my mind and provided the comfort that only he can.

"Love you too," I whispered, exhausted from having worried about my boyfriend.

Demyx smiled as his hand traveled to my leg, and when he pushed it up my thigh, he pulled back.

"Did, did I come too late?" he asked, so I looked at him curiously, not sure what he meant.

"When I walked through the door, had you already cut?" Demyx asked, and I answered honestly by shaking my head, just before I pulled up my boxers to show him.

"See? No cut." I proudly showed my boyfriend.

"Good job baby, I'm so proud of you. I know that the miscommunication we just had must have been hard, and I want to thank you for giving me the razor blade. I know it couldn't have been easy." Demyx put his arms around my stomach and pulled me into his lap as I was reminded of just how caring and supportive he is.

Still, it doesn't excuse the fact that, if he hadn't come through the door at that exact second, I would have cut. I would have carved my skin yet again in my pathetic attempt to continue inflicting pain on an already aching body and mind.

"Why proud? If Demy not come, would have cut," I confessed in my shame.

"But you didn't cut, and that's what matters. Its a step closer Zex." Demyx kissed my temple. "And I'm so proud of you for resisting." Demyx was so sweet and kind, that it almost made me hate myself even more.

"Thank you for saving me." I said in my debt.

"I didn't save you, I just did my job as your boyfriend to support you in everything that benefits your health and happiness and overall well being." Demyx smiled, as if it were that simple.

"Thank you Demy for supporting me. Very patient and loving. Exactly what Zexy needed." I smiled, closing my eyes in my happy state.

"I want to be the supportive boyfriend you need, so if I do something wrong, will you patiently and respectfully let me know so I can improve myself?" Demyx asked, and I nodded with enthusiasm.

"Same for Zexy! I want to be better with Demy too." I wanted to commit to this new idea of our relationship.

For the first time since we started dating, I realized that maybe, just maybe, Demyx and I could have that perfect relationship that Axel and Roxas have.

Demyx and I had just agreed on trying to improve our communication when Axel invited himself in the room.

"Whoa! Dem, when did you get back?" Axel asked and Demyx sat up with me against his chest.

"Ten minutes ago," Demyx shrugged.

"Dude, where did you go? You were gone for a while and we actually almost declared you missing because you didn't update any of us. Poor Zexion was worried sick man. I actually just came in to check on you and make sure you were ok," Axel crossed his arms, just before Roxas walked in.

"Axe did you, oh good, he's back!" Roxas helped himself on the bed, sitting on a corner.

"Yeah and no one bothered to tell us." Axel gave a fake frown as he sat down by his boyfriend.

"Sorry." I winced as the two stared at me.

"Are you ok?" Roxas asked Demyx, who nodded.

"Yeah. I'll admit that I left in a sour mood, but swimming always does the trick. Turns out that the scouts were there undercover, pretending to be new pool staff, and they actually took me out to dinner." Demyx said with a giant smile, so I sat up off of his body and turned around, happy just to see his excitement.

"Oh my god! Dem, that's great!" Axel showed his enthusiasm.

"Yeah, it was amazing! Granted, I was in jeans and a T-shirt, but they took me out to eat at a nice restaurant and paid for my food, and then they actually gave me a private tour of Twilight Town University. I don't want to get ahead of myself, but I really think I'm going to get a scholarship!" Demyx's smile was so genuine, that I almost felt bad. Why couldn't I make him smile that way? It was hard to think about, but I knew that I had to be there to support him the way he so easily supported me. After all he's done for me, the least I could do is be happy for him.

"So proud of you Demy," I laced my fingers in his, watching his smile grow.

"Thank you; and thank you for understanding about my phone dying." Demyx kissed my cheek before he plugged his phone into the charger on his nightstand.

"So that's what happened eh?" Axel asked and Demyx nodded.

"I tried to call, but it didn't have enough battery left." Demyx frowned.

"So why didn't you use Xigbars? Or you could have at least asked a scout to use a cellphone. I'm sure college recruiters wouldn't just take a high school student off campus without even offering to let you phone your guardian, and Aqua knows you're here anyway, so you could have called one of us." Axel folded his arms, and it went quiet as I gulped, turning to Demyx, hoping he had a good explanation.

"Well the scouts asked if my mom would mind, so naturally I said no, and I'm sorry I was so excited that I was kind of distracted." Demyx rubbed the back of his neck. "Besides, I wouldn't want to look unprepared in front of them by asking to use their phone." Demyx said, which sounded like a good enough excuse to me.

"You could have used Xigbars," Axel remained persistent, drilling Demyx to the point where I wished he would have stopped. The reason why, was because I was afraid he would uncover something that I rather would not have known.

"Well out of respect for my boyfriend, I tried to avoid communications with Xigbar as much as I could." Demyx gave what seemed like a good answer, until of course Axel brought up an even better counter argument.

"Personally I think that Zexion would have preferred for you to talk to Xigbar for ten seconds to ease his mind, then to not talk to Xigbar at all, yet leave him stick worried and concerned for hours." Damn, I had to admit that Axel was right.

"Well I wasn't thinking clearly, I mean I was so excited to get the invitation from the scouts." Demyx rebuttled, and it was like listening to a debate.

"So you're saying that throughout your entire practice, it never once occurred to you that you and your boyfriend had unsettled matters and it might have been a good idea to contact him?" Axel tilted his head.

"I didn't realize my phone was dying until after, when I tried to contact him!" Demyx fought back.

"So it wasn't that you weren't thinking clearly and were too excited, because you obviously knew that he needed to be contacted since you tried contacting him." Axel pointed out a huge flaw in Demyx's story, which actually concerned me.

"Axe, let it rest." Roxas could sense the uneasy tension.

"Ok fine!" Demyx sighed loudly, so we all looked to him. "Zex, I did try calling you and you can even check my phone if you want proof. The reason why I was so late was because I did go out with the scouts, but that wasn't until I had an hour long talk with Xigbar." Demyx said and I didn't even know how I felt as a result of his words.

"I swear, I spent that entire hour telling him that it would never work, and to respect me, to respect us."

"So you lied to someone you claim can't be trusted?" Axel asked Demyx, who bit his lip.

"I didn't want him to worry," Demyx whispered, sounding so much like I know I must have in the past.

"That sounds familiar." Axel huffed.

"Axe, quit butting in." Roxas groaned.

"I'm just trying to help." Axel shrugged.

"It's their relationship. If they have a fight to work through, they need to be the ones to work it through or else they'll never learn to communicate." Roxas pointed out, and I hated how right he was. It was easy to let Axel do all the fighting for me, but perhaps that's the reason why Demyx and I keep ending up in this same damn cycle of fighting and trying to make up? If I spent more time saying what I needed to say, then maybe we could finally make progress.

"I can explain," Demyx turned to me, so I nodded, knowing it's what I needed to do, to hear the truth, to voice it myself.

"Ok," I said quietly, curious to hear him try.

"When the recruiters asked if I could join them for dinner, they scheduled it an hour after I had finished practice. I couldn't say no, so I agreed. Since I had an hour to kill, I tried to call you but then that failed, so I thought that my text went through. After that, I went to go shower in the locker room when Xigbar

interrupted and well," Demyx looked away, so I tried to remain patient even though I was dying to know what had happened.

"Well?" I asked after I had tried to give him enough time to answer.

"He tried to make a move, so I slapped him." Demyx gulped and I didn't know which part of his sentence surprised me more. I wasn't exactly surprised that Xigbar would make a move, but it still sucked to hear. Hearing that Demyx slapped him made me happy, although jealous because I'd much rather have done

it myself.

"You slapped him?" Roxas asked with excitement.

"Well yeah, I mean, he tried to grab my ass." Demyx said so honestly.

I couldn't help but tense up, thinking about how much I hated that one eyed creep.

"Don't worry, he didn't touch anything. He reached for me when I had my back to I'm, but luckily I turned and caught him in time, so I slapped him. Not too hard, but enough for him to look at me funny. Thankfully that was after the recruiters left, so since I had an hour to kill, I thought it would be important to tell Xigbar then and there that it was getting out of hand. So, I sat him down in the locker room, and I, I told him how in love with you I am." Demyx looked to me, and I inhaled deeply.

"In love you too Demy," I wanted to move on and put this all behind me. The more I heard about it, the angrier I was getting, and I was way too tired emotionally and physically to discuss the matter further.

"Damn! He tried to grab your ass?" Roxas asked and Demyx nodded.

"Yeah, he waited until we were in the locker room alone." Demyx sighed.

"D-Demy not naked in front of Xiggy?" I had to be sure.

"Well, I had to shower," Demyx shrugged, but I only looked away. It was completely unfair that Xigbar got to see my boyfriend naked when I still hadn't.

"Are you mad because we haven't been very, intimate?" Demyx asked cautiously and I nodded, embarrassed, but honest.

"Xiggy see Demy naked, but I can't. I Demy's boyfriend." I put a hand over my chest.

"It's because you're my boyfriend that I want to wait. I want it to be super special. I love you Zexion. Xigbar's only seen what he's seen because of swimming, but I swear, my heart belongs to you." Demyx tried to smile, so I nodded.

"I trust you Demy," I said, wanting to believe my own words so damn badly that I no longer knew if they were real or not.

"Thank you Zexy. I love you," Demyx hugged me, so I hugged him back, only so that we could put an end to all this stupid drama.

"Love you too," I said.

"So Dem, how did the dinner go?" Roxas asked and I looked to Demyx, as we all did, to hear his response.

"It went really well! I got to order top notch food, told the recruiters that I'm very interested in swimming at the collegic level, and as sad as it sounds, telling them about my parents really helped my case." Demyx gave a small blush.

"Well, you have been through a lot, and it's great that the scouts can see that and recognize how strong you are to have made it thus far." Axel smiled to his best friend.

"Thanks Axe." Demyx smiled, and I took a deep breath to try to blow any leftover tension away.

"You ok?" Demyx asked me and I nodded.

"Happy for Demy," I smiled before I tried to hide my yawn.

"You must be exhausted," Demyx frowned and I shrugged to avoid causing him any guilt. "Come on baby; you want to go to bed with me?" Demyx asked and I was quick to nod.

"Yes please Demy," I rubbed my heavy eyes.

"Aww, my poor baby is sleepy," Demyx scooped my up into his arms as I let out a gasp at the surprise.

"Night night Demy," I snuggled my nose into his neck as I rested my head on his shoulder.

"Goodnight my Zexion." Demyx kissed my cheek, the one that wasn't on his shoulder.

"Night guys, see you in the morning." Roxas waved before Axel took his hand and guided him off the bed.

"You two have a great night, got it memorized?" Axel winked before he saluted us. It became awkwardly quiet as Demyx nodded and cleared his throat. Once Axel and Roxas left, Demyx coughed.

"So," Demyx slid down in his bed and got cozy as I remained in his hold, although I did stretch my legs as I intertwined them with his.

"Demy's legs so smooth," I grinned as I rubbed my shaven legs against his.

"Hehe, thanks. I heard it helps with swimming, but I do like the way it feels. Yours are pretty smooth too." Demyx ran his foot along my short leg. Sadly, because I've been cutting, my razor was officially useless so I needed to remember to buy a new one somehow with my friends or Aerith around, since I never get any privacy.

"Demy shave everything?" I asked as I nudged my body closer to his, hoping he'd pickup on my hint without getting mad.

"Well I don't shave my arms but I," Demyx started, but then he gulped. "Oh, I see what you mean. Umm," I could sense Demyx's face flushing as he cleared his throat again.

"I do," I shrugged, just so he wouldn't feel weird.

"Oh, cause, I don't," Demyx gulped and I couldn't help but look up into his eyes. "I mean, I trim cause of the speedo, but I," Demyx rubbed his thighs together impatiently. "I kind of like it," he blushed and I couldn't hold back my smile; he really is too cute for his own good.

"I think I'd like it too," I kissed his lips sweetly.

"Yeah?" Demyx asked, his voice timid as I wondered how far I could take it without pissing him off.

"Yeah, think everything about Demy is sexy." I gulped.

"Zex," Demyx started as if he were thinking.

"I sorry," I apologized, in advance.

"What?" he looked at me confused.

"I know Demy wants to wait. It just huts knowing that Xiggy saw Demy nakey." I frowned.

"Did, did you just say 'nakey'?" Demyx asked and I bit my lip innocently.

"I think," I didn't really pay attention.

"It was, cute." Demyx smirked before he kissed my lips.

"Demy, I sorry I impatient."

"I'm sorry too Zex. You know, the more I think about it, the more I can't blame you for having been upset. It was wrong for me to ignore the way you felt about me being with Xigbar at the pool. I know we're on the same team together so it's inevitable that I'll see him, but I shouldn't have disregarded how you felt. And I'm glad that you love me enough to be jealous. It makes me feel loved." Demyx smiled and I nodded.

"Exactly Demy. Only got mad cause I love you so much. Was jealous."

"Well, from now on, I promise to be more sensitive, ok?" Demyx rubbed my side as I nodded with another yawn. "Go to bed baby. I'll hold you ok?" Demyx wrapped me so gently in his arms that I had no choice but to close my eyes and take deep relaxed breath's.

"I love you Demy."

"I love you too Zexion." Demyx kissed my temple.

We fell asleep pretty soon after, but it didn't last long for me. I woke up after I felt something hit my leg harshly, realizing that Demyx was kicking me in his sleep. I sighed, tried to readjust my body, and got ready for another attempt of sleep. Even that didn't last, because I soon got attacked again in the shin as Demyx whimpered in an apparent nightmare.

"Demy, wake up," I pushed his body over.

"Mmm!" he groaned. I rolled my eyes as I tried once more.

"Demy." I poked his side.

"Mmrrr!" He growled as he rolled over. I decided to give up as I laid back down, ready to just pass out from exhaustion. It worked for about an hour, until I woke up to find that Demyx had pushed me up all the way to the edge of the bed. I considered myself lucky to be as skinny as I am, or else I would have woken up on the floor, but I literally had no space to move and I even feared taking too deep a breath.

"Demy, scoot over." I tried shoving his body. My boyfriend only inhaled before he went on his stomach.

"Demy, please?" I started to get cranky. Me without proper sleep is not a pretty or pleasant sight for anyone. After ten minutes of waiting for him to move over in his sleep, I decided to use the bathroom.

When I returned just a couple minutes later, I found Demyx sprawled out on the entire bed. His arms and legs were all extended as far wide as they could go, and he hugged the mattress as I sighed. It was evident that I wouldn't get any more sleep for the night.

I didn't even want to try waking him up anymore, so instead, I crawled on the bed, on his back, and used his shoulder blades as a pillow. After about ten seconds of adjusting my body on his, I finally closed my eyes with a smile, thinking that sleep was actually a possibility. Of course, I was wrong. Demyx rolled over and within thirty long minutes, he pushed me back to the edge and kicked me twice by accident.

For five hours I laid there, wide awake, trying to fall asleep but unable to do so while my boyfriend snored happily, suddenly nightmare free. I was about to just give up and relocate to the living room to at least be comfortable on the couch with a TV available when something caught my eye. It was the way that Demyx's bedding had been so dramatically shifted during the night, and how his cotton pants had slid down his slender hips.

I took a big gulp as I sat up and slowly let my palm trace over the flannel material like a timid ghost, afraid to wake him up, yet anxious for the touch.

I wanted so badly to pull his pants down and rub his bare skin; I wanted to stamp my tongue against his smooth round muscle, hoping to arouse him enough to at least consider being intimate with me.

I let my fingertips tease the band of his pants, pulling it up so I could sneak a quick peak at his navy blue briefs. I could feel my heartbeat pick up as I considered pulling that up too, just so I could glimpse upon such fair skin. I knew it would be invading his privacy, and when I thought about how mad it would make him, I gave up. I let the rim of his pants slowly fall back onto his body before I sighed loudly, crashing back down on the mattress in a hopeless defeat.

I spent another two hours, wide awake, envious of my boyfriend for the sleep he got while I was being tortured by his appetizing body that lay so close yet so off limits. And then, just when I was about to give up all hope, my body crashed into a much needed sleep.

I had a dreamless yet blissful forty minutes of sleep before I felt something shoving down repeatedly on my back.

"Mm?" I groaned with shut eyes.

"Zexy get up!" Demyx was shaking the bed.

"Why?" I murmured, my cheek smashed against the mattress.

"Cause I'm bored!" Demyx poked my side.

"Demy!" I whined loudly, crankier then than I was during the night.

"Baby!" Demyx whined back, his voice suddenly so close to my face, so when I opened an eye, I saw that he was not even an inch away from me. "Hi." He grinned like a fool while I started fake crying. "What? Why are you so grumpy?" Demyx spanked me, and if I wasn't so excited by it, I would have been pissed.

"Grumpy cause got no sleep." I rolled over onto my back, shielding my eyes from the light with my arm.

"Aww, why not?" Demyx titled his head as he sat up, looking so curious and innocent and cute that I couldn't dream of telling him that he was the cause.

"Just couldn't." I responded, trying to wake up fully.

"Well, I was going to ask if you wanted to do something, but if you're tired, you can sleep. I don't mind waiting."

"Demy, tired." I was on the verge of crying in my crankiness.

"Then sleep."

"I can't." I fidgeted relentlessly.

"You ok? You sound really angry," Demyx whispered.

"I cranky." I hide my face in his mattress before I squirmed to prove my point.

"Ok, just calm down," Demyx chuckled.

"Mmmm!" I growled, even though I knew I was being dramatic.

"You're kind of cute when you're grumpy." Demyx gave my butt a light pat, causing me to gulp.

"Demy cute." I argued back, wishing I could catch just one more hour of sleep.

"You're beautiful," Demyx said as he ran his hand up and down the side of my shirt, making me curious.

"What did Demy want to do?" I asked as I lowered my arm from my face.

"I just wanted to talk to you and kiss you and hold you." Demyx smiled so sweetly that I had no defense for his cuteness.

"I love you Demy." I sat up and kissed his cheek, too tired to do anything else as I rubbed my eyes.

"I love you so uber much Zex! And about our fight last night, I'm sorry. It really was my fault, and I wasn't respecting you the way you deserve. I'm going to make it up to you at the dance, ok?" Demyx winked and I gulped. I had no idea what that meant, but I was eager to find out.

"I can't wait." I smiled before I laid back down, tired. Just then, my phone went off.

"It's Aerith," Demyx said as he handed me my buzzing phone.

"Hello?" I asked.

"Zexion, I'd like you to come home. I know you have homework and since you're going to the dance tonight, I'm assuming you'll want to stay the night at Axel's house. If you come back now then you'll be able to finish and enjoy your time out." Aerith explained, and as upset as I was, I knew she had a point.

"Ok, I tell Axel."

"Thank you Zexion. See you soon."

"Bye." I hung up, sat up, and sighed.

"You ok?" Demyx asked with an arm around me.

"Have to go home." I frowned.

"Oh, well I'll be over at eight to pick you up, and then we can go to the dance together." Demyx squeezed me, so I let out a soft laugh.

"Thanks Demy. So excited." I said, not too convincingly with my yawn.

"Maybe you should take a nap when you go home." Demyx kissed my cheek.

"Good idea." I got out of bed to get Axel.

I walked up to his bedroom door and knocked, and waited, and knocked again, and waited some more.

"Axe?" I tapped louder before I jiggled the unlocked handle, wanting to open it, but scared of what I might walk in on.

"Just a second!" Roxas called out and I rolled my eyes as I tapped my foot.

"Hello?" Axel poked his head out of the tiny open sliver he created between his door and the wall.

"Aerith wants me home." I said and he nodded.

"Give me one minute to put boxers on." Axel blushed before he shut the door.

I sighed loudly, not necessarily angry at him, just, wishing that I could have that kind of intimacy with my own boyfriend. It wasn't easy waiting for Demyx to be ready, but I knew that keeping him happy and respecting his boundaries would be way better than pissing him off and making him think he can't trust me.

"I'm so excited for the dance. Just ten more hours." Demyx gave me a high five while I waited on the couch for Axel and Roxas.

"Ok, I'll go drop him off and be right back." Axel walked into the living room in jeans and a hoodie.

"I want to come too." Demyx smiled.

"Alright." Axel shrugged, indifferent.

"Well I'm not waiting here alone." Roxas said in his cargo shorts and hoodie that only covered the upper half of his arms.

"Ok then, everyone load up." Axel rolled his eyes playfully before we all drove over to Aerith's house.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note:<strong> **Ok, I note that this chapter ends at a weird point after going through a bunch of ups and downs, but I am trying to post as much as I can afford right now. Ok, so Demyx and Zexion keep hitting a lot of rough patches, and I know everyone has been saying the same thing about them not being compatible, but need I remind you of Zexion's past? It's not supposed to be all dandy and rainbows. Ok, with that out of the way, time for reader responses!**

To xSonya: Sorry for the long wait! I feel like my posting may be sporadic at best as of late, but don't worry, I haven't forgotten about any of my stories! Thanks for reading!

To luckycat222: Awww, I'm so super happy that you liked the last chapter. And I pleased to hear that you enjoyed the roller coaster of emotions, I spent a lot of time on that lol.

To T3CHN0 C4T: Lol, well I cant say if you're right or wrong, but you shall seen soon enough. Ummm, about your three thoughts, yeah….very creative!

To Yawn: Very creative name :P I want this fic to be based on more realistic themes, and most relationships are pretty 'predictable' when they have issues like the ones Zexion and Demyx are facing. I describe it like a cycle, where Zexion is clearly stuck within the realm of being in one place, yet dreaming of another, just because I find it realistic and relatable. Thanks for offering advice, I'm always attempting to improve my stories. Keep reading, things will pick up soon.

To FenrirDarkWolf: Really? Thanks! I'm so happy to hear that. It seriously made my day, to hear that you think I can change the moods like that. Its something I try to do but always feared I suck at lol.

To Killerpanda: Awww, I'm so honored to read such a review. You are far too kind, thank you so uber much!

To Keyblade Master13: no way? Cause Larxene was originally Demyx's mom but I'm saving her for someone else, since Demyx's mom isn't a big character in this story (in her appearance, she's huge in her effect on Demyx lol). Haha, I'm not insulted at all, I wanted my character of Demyx's mom to come off that way lol. Aww, you are just too sweet, thank you uber much! Love, Sarabellum!

To Jenny-Xenj-Harris: hehe, yay, thanks for loving this story, and for sharing it!

To Red-Travels-The-Furthest: haha, I'm so honored to know that you were willing to ditch people for my stories haha XD Wow, to hear you defend my stories against the "boring review" really is the best compliment and the best review I've ever read! I really want this story to be realistic, and I do find it likely that relationships like that have a predictiablness about them that make them relatable. This relationship is like a cycle. And I wanted that to come across. Thanks! I'm glad that you can appreciate the truth worth in Roxas, despite his minor role! I wanted him to be subtle, yet necessary. I'm sorry for delaying the dance scene, but don't worry, it shall come soon! Japan is going pretty good, raining a lot but its better than the heat so I don't mind haha. OMFG, the end of your review is so sweet it made me blush XD Thank you so uber much, it means a lot to me to read such encouraging words. I hope you know that when you write your reviews, each one serves as a reminder for why I write, and why I post, and I truly am touched and inspired by them. Thank you. Love, Sarabellum.

To Cirxe145: Yeah, Demyx's mom isn't someone I'd want to be stuck with, but there are people like that and its sad. Hope everything's going great!

To kindofabadger: exactly! God I'm so glad that you get my writing hahaha. Demyx heard what he wanted to hear, and saw what he wanted to see. Its deceptive and blinding yet all too real. Thank you for the review! It means a lot to me!

To Kendraduck09: YOU ARE WELCOME FOR THE CLIFF HANGER lol. Sorry, I write them so much I forget I don't update as often as I used to . I think the reviewer just previous to yours said it perfectly "You see what you want to see/hear what you want to hear". Demyx wanted his ideal, perfect family so badly, he was willing to risk everything to have it again. As for Xigbar, he doesn't want to accept that there is an issue there, so to him, it doesn't exist. Although I do see your point, he is quick to forgive and forget which isn't good for himself. Thanks for the review, I love hearing what you think!

To Xiola-Nobody: haha right? It's his history (technically his moms history) that allowed him to save Demyx. Good prediction! I need to change things up a bit haha.

To Zelta Frost: Being in a relationship takes time, work, and effort. Don't expect to be perfect, none of us are, it's ok =) I know, Xigbar totally ruined it for Zexion, poor little guy. I'm always positive. I get down, but I look to the bright side, cause there always is one ^_^

To LittleTrancyGirl: Yay for cosplaying! My friend ordered me an Axel cosplay (that is waiting for me in America) but I prefer Sora so I don't know if I'll ever go anywhere as Axel lol. Japan is hot, humid, rainy, expensive, predictable, no English, and somehow still fun when you're with the right friends haha.

To Rawritsakookye: Haha, sorry for the long wait! Now you know the real reason why Demyx didn't answer, hope it clears things up!

To Genesisluv98: Lol, I love reading your reviews! Welcome back haha. No, I love reading your inner debates, it helps me think about my story in a deeper level, so please, by all means, continue! Haha. Thanks for the reviews! ^_^

**Thank you everyone for reading! I'm starting 3 new Soriku's, so stay on the lookout!**

**Heart, Sarabellum**


	36. Fix It

"I'll see you later tonight for the dance, ok?" Demyx hugged me outside of Aerith's house.

"I'll miss you." I said before he left with Axel and Roxas.

I greeted Aerith, started my homework, and then took a long, much needed nap.

"Zexion?" I could hear my voice through my dreamless sleep.

"M?" I took a deep breath.

"Zexion, you should wake up." I felt something sit on my bed.

"Huh?" I opened my eyes to see Aerith sitting at my side.

"Your date will be here in an hour in a half, and I know that students usually spend hours getting ready for a dance." Aerith smiled as I sprang up.

"Need to get ready!" I shouted as I ran off to the shower.

I rushed to get ready, which includes having to perfect my hair, my wardrobe, and I even painted my nails. I used to paint them black all the time but Aerith told me that I couldn't use black while I lived with her, since it didn't 'help me 'heal', so instead I used blue. I never cared all that much for nail polish, but I did like the way it looked with the outfit that Demyx picked out for us to wear to the dance together. I didn't tell Demyx that I planned on painting my nails for the dance, but I saw the same shade of blue polish in his room once, so I thought he'd be surprised and happy to see that I bought it as well.

After an hour of getting ready as carefully as I could, I looked at myself in the mirror. My hair was teased, straightened, and looking Demyx-boyfriend worthy. My nails were a shiny royal blue, my white pants and shirt were spotless, and my blue tie and suspenders were perfectly aligned. I was rather proud of my appearance, which is kind of rare, so I was really looking forward to showing my boyfriend.

Within ten minutes after that, I got my wish as Aerith yelled my name, saying that my date and friends were here. I ran into the living room and when I saw Demyx's stunning body, I froze. I wanted to crawl back into my room and hide under my bed, because he looked so perfectly gorgeous that even though I slaved to try to compare, I just couldn't. His blonde hair was teased upward with enough hairspray to keep his Mohawk looking fresh throughout the night. He even trimmed the sides a bit to make his Mohawk stand out more, and it looked so adorable that I wanted to run my fingers through it so badly. His pants were hanging low on his hips while his crisp tucked in shirt slimmed down his figure that his suspenders highlighted. His matching tie only made his torso look longer and that much more appealing. By the time I noticed that he was wearing guyliner, I realized that he was also wearing small diamond earrings.

I've been dating him this entire time, but I had never even known that his ears were pierced! And then, just when I didn't think I could take any more of his beauty, I saw that his nails were painted the same blue as mine.

"My, don't you two look adorable!" Aerith clasped her hands together as I blushed. Her voice brought me out of my stunned stupor.

"Zexion, you're absolutely handsome." Demyx looked so shy, that his words felt all the more true, which was such a huge compliment coming from the angel that he is.

"Demy looks even better." I had to take a deep breath to calm myself down.

"Trust me, that's not possible." Demyx's eyes and words were so simple and yet sincere that I felt my cheeks heat up.

"You two really are going to be the best couple at the dance." Aerith smiled, reminding me that I wasn't just dreaming of my boyfriend's attractiveness, but that we were actually awake and in her living room. She took our picture before she commented again how cute we were for matching.

"Demy's idea." I put my hand on my boyfriend's tummy, wanting so badly to rub it and arouse him, but I figured that with Aerith right there, it probably wasn't the best idea.

"Well Axel came up with the idea, and he and Roxas are in the car, so we should join them before they enjoy their alone time a little too much." Demyx shrugged lightly as I rested my head on his shoulder.

"Alright, well you two be safe, text me if you need me, and give me a call when you're on your way to Axels after, ok?" Aerith asked and I nodded.

"We'll be fine. Bye Aerith!" Demyx gave her a hug, and I did too before I took Demyx's hand and walked outside.

Demyx was talking about his obsession with some new band when I realized that Axel and Roxas were making out in Axel's car.

I rolled my eyes just as Demyx opened the door to the backseat, clearing his throat which thankfully did the trick.

"Hey Zexion!" Axel coughed after he pried his lips off of his boyfriends.

"Hey Axe, hi Rox." I waved as I slid in after Demyx.

"You two look really cute." Roxas smiled, his face still a bit red as Axel started the car.

The two were each wearing black skinny jeans, black button up shirts, a red tie, and red suspenders. It was the same outfit as Demyx and I, but with different colors.

"You two look nice too." I said back before I cuddled into Demyx's open arm, snuggling into his side, rubbing my cheek on his chest.

"So I was thinking that we go dance for a bit, and then once we get back to my place we can watch a movie?" Axel suggested and we all nodded.

"I really can't wait to dance with my boy," Demyx rested his head on my head, causing me to gulp anxiously at the idea of being so close to his swaying, sweaty body. I know I've danced with him before, but we didn't really dance long at Seifers party, and DDR isn't very romantic.

"Demy, you pierce your ear today?" I asked, wondering if I really had gone all that long without noticing.

"No, I've had it pierced for years, but I never wear earrings because of swimming. But I figured that the school dance is a good enough excuse to break them out." Demyx shrugged with a smile. "Do you not like them?" he asked, quickly frowning.

"No, I love them. Think they're sexy." I coughed shyly.

"Ooooh, Zexy likes bad boys!" Axel chuckled as I hid further into Demyx's side.

Axel and Demyx talked about homework while I got cozy, about ready to fall asleep as I rested against my energetic boyfriend.

"Well, are you all ready to shake your booties?" Axel asked as he parked by the school gym.

"Hell yeah!" Demyx shook my shoulder, trying to pump me up. I groaned, already missing the comfortable position I was in.

"Demyyyy!" I whined as my boyfriend started pulling me out of the backseat.

"The sooner we get out, the sooner we can hold each other dancing." Demyx explained, and it was a very convincing argument, so I hopped out and took his hand as we entered inside the heavily decorated gymnasium.

"It's so neon!" Demyx said in awe at the theme of the dance which reflected in the lights and decorations.

"Come on Axe!" Roxas dragged Axel to the dance floor anxiously.

"I wouldn't think that Roxas would be that eager to dance." Demyx said curiously.

"Probably wants to grind." I snickered, knowing that I myself was actually excited at the idea.

"Well, shall we then?" Demyx offered me his arm and I gladly took it.

Demyx led me to the dance floor, right by Axel and Roxas just as a vulgar rap song came on. I didn't know how Demyx would want to dance with me, so I looked over at Roxas to see him backing his ass up into Axel's groin, all while Axel circled his hips onto Roxas' back. I turned back to Demyx, who stood behind me and grabbed my hips, slowly and gently pushing his body into mine. I grinned as I pushed my body against his, adding a light pressure to the increasing friction of our dancing. I wanted to full on smash my body into his, like Roxas and Axel were doing, but I knew better than to scare Demyx away during the first song. We continued this movement of swaying lightly into each other, even when the song changed and I noticed that Roxas and Axel were hardcore grinding, their hands on the back of each others necks as they pounded their crotches together. I gulped as I watched Axel roughly place his hands on Roxas' ass and forced the blondes body as close to his as physically possible. Roxas looped his hands around Axels neck and exhaled dramatically on Axels chest.

I turned around and decided to put my arms under Demyx's, bending them upward so that my hands were on his shoulders while my elbows rested by his sides.

Demyx responded by placing one arm around my back and his other hand on my hip. I smiled up at him, nestling my head under his chin as I felt his body press firmly against mine, arousing my desire for more of him.

We danced at a steady pace against each other for a few more songs until some more techno-like music came on, and Demyx let go of me so he could dance more freely. I noticed that Axel and Roxas had done the same, so I stepped from side to side shyly, not knowing what else to do. Demyx got really into it for a long time, dancing like a pro, so I went with Roxas to the bathroom while our boyfriends continued to enjoy the music.

"Man, its hot in that pile of people." Roxas panted as we finally made it inside the empty bathroom. It was quiet with the exception of the dance music seeping in shyly through the walls.

"Yeah, already tired." I sighed, my body desperate to just snuggle with my boyfriend.

"Well we've been here for a while, so the slow songs should be starting soon." Roxas said as he used a urinal. I nodded as I washed my hands and fixed my loose strands of hair.

Once we exited the bathroom, we tried to look for our boyfriends, since the dance floor was crowded with many couples.

"Do you see them?" Roxas asked me, but I shook my head.

"Axel?" I pointed to what looked like red. It was hard enough to find Axel's bright hair with the neon lights going off, but having strobe lights mixed in the chaos only made it all the more difficult.

"I think so. Come on," Roxas took my hand as we weaved through the masses of people, inching towards the assumed Axel. We both smiled when we realized that it was the redhead we had been searching for, but when I didn't see Demyx, I sighed.

"Demy?" I tried to call out but was muted by the loud techno music. Then, I saw him. No, not Demyx, in fact, it was the one person I didn't want to see. His dark ponytail and tall figure isn't what caught my attention; it was his ugly yellow eye and his eye patch and scar that made me want to hurl.

"Zex, you ok?" Roxas asked me as I snarled. I've never been one for confrontations, but then again, I never really had a need for them. With my aunt and uncle, I knew that avoidance was my best and most effective method. But now, with Demyx, I feel like I have something to lose, which means I have something to defend.

"Xigbar," I muttered, wanting to take care of it once and for all.

"Where's Demyx?" the blonde asked me, but I only shrugged.

"Going to go look for him." I explained before I took the few necessary steps to get to Xigbar.

"Hey!" I put my arm on his shoulder, a few inches higher than mine.

"Oh, you," He scoffed as he turned around.

"Where's Demyx?" I asked and he shrugged.

"Don't know. I grinded against his ass for a while before he noticed. He thought it was you, so he backed up into me, nice and hard. Pretty sure I felt him getting aroused too." He smirked as I gulped in anger. "I kissed his neck and put my hands on his hips, and when he turned to kiss me, he got scared and left." Xigbar took a deep breath before he leaned in close. "I don't know why he loves you, but I wouldn't get used to it if I were you." Xigbar reached to touch my face, but I swatted his hand away. He grinned and before I knew it, he was choking me with one hand. I stood in shock, my air taken away from me as I held onto his wrist, my eyes shifting around anxiously, hoping someone would notice. It was all in despair as the dancing teens around us were too entertained by the changing colored lights and intense music that drowned out my fear of being seriously hurt. I went on my tip toes, trying to get even just the slightest bit of air to save me from panicking when my savior came.

"Cut it out!" Demyx yelled over the music to barely to be heard as he tugged on Xigbar's arm.

"As you wish." Xigbar released me just before Demyx held me.

"Xigbar I swear to god if you ever touch him again," Demyx panted while I chocked, trying to catch my breath.

"As if," Xigbar rolled his eye with a sigh before he walked away.

"Are you ok?" Demyx asked me, standing right by my side to be heard. I nodded as I took a few deep breaths. "Zex, I, I'm so sorry." Demyx held me as I exhaled loudly. I knew it wasn't his fault, but what upset me most wasn't what Xigbar did; it was knowing what I was going to do.

* * *

><p>"Demy, need air." I whined, hoping he would offer to walk me onto the patio, where some couples enjoyed the fresh air to take a break from the crazy dancing, lights, and music.<p>

"Ok," Demyx took my hand and guided me through the masses before we walked outside to an unoccupied bench and sat down side by side. "I love you." Demyx kept an arm around me as I rested on his shoulder, thinking through my risky plan. I knew the consequences wouldn't be good considering we were at a public dance, but I didn't care.

"Love you too." I said, wondering how mad Demyx would be as a result of my potential actions. No, they weren't potential. I was going to do it. I needed to fight Xigbar.

* * *

><p>I didn't plan on making it anything too big, but I needed to make it clear that I want going to let him steal my Demyx away from me. All along I've been fighting against my unhealthy urges, or at least trying to, to prove that I can be the sort of person that Demyx deserves. What good would it be if I lose to Xigbar?<p>

"Demy, I promise I be better boyfriend." I said, sounding random, but I needed him to know it.

"What?" Demyx asked, a bit confused before shook his head with a smile. "Baby you're already a great boyfriend, and I love you so very much." Demyx kissed my temple as I rubbed my neck. "You sure you're ok?" he looked worried as I nodded.

"Knew he wasn't going to kill me. Just, a little scary," I admitted quietly.

"Oh Zexion." Demyx held me even tighter. "I'm so sorry baby. I, I promise I'll lecture his ass off next time I have to see him at practice. And please know that I'd never cheat on you, or even consider anyone else." Demyx pushed me off of his shoulder so he could smile in my eyes.

"It's ok Demy. I know you care." I gave a deceptive smile. I was only so positive because images of my planned revenge were pleasing to the mind.

"Good. Are you ready to go back in? I think they're going to start playing the slow songs now, and I'd love to dance romantically with you in my arms." Demyx looked so excited and so sweet that I gave a genuine nod, ready to hear his heartbeat and have our bodies touching. It wasn't even about the sexual desire, but about the need to be as close to him as he would let me be. As soon we entered the gymnasium again, Demyx's prediction came true. The school president, Riku, talked over the loud-speaker, telling us all to find our special someone and enjoy a slow, sweet, dance.

"May I?" I asked nervously, even though I knew that Demyx would say yes.

"I'd be honored." Demyx smiled at me before he pulled me into a tight hold. I let my head fall against his shoulder, grinning when I saw how cute Axel and Roxas looked dancing the exact same way that Demyx and I were. Demyx kept his hands on my waist as I lazily kept mine on his shoulder blades.

"I love you." Demyx whispered in my ear.

"I love you too," I shuddered back, my heartbeat racing as he lightly smooched my ear. I gulped. I had never told Demyx, but my ear is one of my spots. Every time there is pressure by my ear, my throat swells up and I get ...aroused.

"Demy? More kiss?" I asked and he chuckled before he returned his lips to my ear, kissing it gently. Just as my eyes were reduced to slits, Demyx flickered his tongue over my ear lobe. I let out a moan, my mouth hanging open without any control as he snaked his tongue up my ear, inside, as I gripped his shoulders. I trembled as he exhaled on my tender ear, his mouth so close on my body, that I could feel his lips curl into a smile each time he breathed out. I whimpered, my body shaking as I tried not to lose total control of my body. That plan went out the window once Demyx pushed his sneaky, wet tongue in my ear, as if he were trying to get inside my head.

"Nygh!" I tensed up violently as he thrusted his tongue in as far as it could go.

"Ahee!" I whimpered again, going on my toes to give him better access.

Demyx gently pulled his tongue back, kissed my wet ear, and then kissed my temple.

"That was fun," Demyx whispered as I tried to stabilize my breathing. The entire time, we continued to slow dance against each other, feeding my passion for my true love.

"Demy, tired." I whined, going weak as I craved his body and weight on mine. I wanted to go to Axels house and lay down in Demyx's bed with his muscle crushing down on me. My imagination alone was teasing me as I blinked innocently up at my boyfriend. His beauty and sexiness was so overpowering, I nearly forgot about my plan for revenge on that one eyed creep.

"I think Roxas is tired too, look." Demyx smiled as he nodded over at our friends. Roxas had his eyes closed as Axel held him up against his slender body.

Demyx stopped dancing, and I joined him as we walked up to Axel.

"You two ready?" Demyx asked as Axel massaged Roxas' back.

"You ready baby?" Axel asked and Roxas nodded.

"Zexion's sleepy too." Demyx giggled as Roxas rubbed his eyes.

"Nap time." Roxas grinned at me as we headed towards the gymnasium's exit, where I knew Xigbar was waiting outside with some of his other teammates from Demyx's swim team.

"Alright, we still up for the movie?" Axel asked as we made it outside, and I quickly scanned for my target.

"Yeah, I'm down." Demyx shrugged just as I made eye contact with Xigbar. He was talking with Marluxia, but once he saw me, he winked.

"Oh, um, need to go to bathroom. Meet you in car." I nodded at Demyx, who smiled.

"Ok baby, hurry." Demyx kissed my cheek as I turned around and headed back towards the gym, back towards Xigbar.

By then, Xigbar's back was towards me, so I walked up as casually as I could, pacing my breath as I veered off course from the gym and kept my eyes and feet fixed towards Xigbar. I was almost within arms reach of his back when I turned and saw Demyx, who was looking at me, confused. I gulped and gave him a regret frown before he slowly shook his head at me, as if to warn me, as if he could read my mind. I shook my head back, and when I turned to face Xigbar, I poked his shoulder lightly.

"Huh? Oh you," Xigbar nearly laughed at me.

"Um, Xiggy?" I went for the small and helpless look, faking nerves.

"What?" he asked, disgusted.

"Demy's my boyfriend. Not yours." I said as convincingly as I could.

"Is that so?" Xigbar put his hands on his hips and bent down to be eye level with me, doing exactly what I predicted, feeding into my plan.

"Yes, and one other thing," I put my finger to my lip, acting shy and scared.

"What is it?" Xigbar baby talked to mock me.

"Fuck you!" I yelled before I socked him in his good eye.

"Zexion!" I could hear Demyx shout my name as Xigbar covered his face with his hands.

"Why you little!" Xigbar went to hit my nose, but I ducked in time. He was quick to make up for his first miss by grabbing my tie and using it to shove me up against the outside wall of the gym.

"Hey!" Axel ran up with Demyx while Xigbar had me pinned. I kicked my legs, making contact with his body, but not doing the damage I was hoping for.

"Xiggy release him, now!" Demyx pushed Xigbar as he let me fall to my shaky feet.

"Stay away from my boyfriend!" I shouted, angering the freak once more.

"Say it to my face!" Xigbar leaned forward just as I did, ready to hit him again. Axel intervened, pulling my body close to his while Demyx put a hand on Xigbar's chest.

"Let it go, both of you." Demyx said while Xigbar and I eyed each other, inching towards the other as best we could.

"Hmph, he started it," Xigbar scoffed as I growled.

"You did!" I yelled back.

"I was just standing here and then you punched me."

"Tried to choke me!"

"Both of you! That is enough!" Axel said sternly as he held my body tightly in front of his. I snarled while Xigbar smirked at me, burning my eyes with his stupid cockiness.

"Emo freak," Xigbar rolled his eyes at me as I wriggled in Axel's grip.

"Fucking dumbass!" I spat back.

"Zexion, stop." Demyx warned me calmly with a finger.

"He needs stop touching my Demy!" I pointed to Xigbar before Axel shushed me.

"He won't be your Demy long." Xigbar mocked as I let out a low growl.

"Xigbar, be quiet." Demyx was quick yet polite, trying to remain stable amongst our chaos.

"Come on, let's go," Axel started pulling me to the car, but I wasn't ready to leave.

"That's right. Carry the pet into his cage," Xigbar chuckled as I snapped.

"Bitch!" I pushed Axel away and landed one more punch to Xigbar's face while he was busy laughing.

"You little suicidal bastard!" Xigbar nailed me in the gut as I bent over, gasping for air.

"Shit!" Someone coughed awkwardly as Demyx's coach exited the gym, probably having heard us yelling and fighting.

"Everything ok?" The swim coach asked, as one of the chaperons for the dance.

"Yeah, the little guy was getting too claustrophobic inside, so he needed some fresh air." Xigbar patted my back as I coughed, still hunched over.

"Is that so?" The tall coach lifted an eyebrow. We all went silent as Axel looked to Demyx, who looked way too intimidated to even breathe. "And your eye is black, why?" He asked Xigbar and I gulped.

"Someone was moshing to the techno songs earlier. It was an accident." Xigbar shrugged playfully.

"I see. Don't get cocky. Your scholarship is no good if you're beating up other students." His coach lectured dryly before he went back inside. Axel let out a sigh of relief while Demyx shook his head, probably to clear it.

"Heh, weakling." Xigbar patted my back roughly before I smacked his arm away.

"Fuck you," I muttered, trying to control my breathing as Xigbar rolled up his sleeves.

"Hey, get lost." Marluxia stepped between us as he stared down at me. I wanted to continue beating on that creep but before I could even respond to Marluxia, Demyx snatched me in his arms and dragged me to Axel's car.

"Let me go! Not finished!" I squirmed until I felt Axel helping Demyx.

"Yes you are." Demyx said sternly, forcing me into the backseat where he remained with me.

"For you, I'll let this slide." Marluxia told Demyx before he went back to check on Xigbar.

"Thanks Marly," Demyx muttered before he shut the door, allowing Axel to start the car all while Roxas sat with wide eyes in the front seat. Axel let out a huge sigh as we drove silently the entire way back to his house. Demyx wasn't even looking at me as I stared out the window, wondering if he was really all that mad at me, and if he was, how long it would take before he blew it all off.

"So about that movie?" Axel asked right as he parked the car.

"I'm still willing to watch it." Roxas spoke up.

"Might fall asleep but ok." I agreed, trying to end the awkward silence on my part.

"Sure," Demyx said, sounding tired, but not as angry as I had guessed. We were all pretty quiet as we marched into the house and followed Axel's idea of getting ready for bed first before starting the movie.

"Rox, your tie is crooked," Axel said as we all entered the living room.

"Well I'm about to take it off," Roxas said, putting his hand over it before Axel snatched it, a bit rough, yet kinky all the same.

"You want help?" Axel asked with a smirk as Roxas chuckled.

"Mmm," Roxas smooched his boyfriend as he toyed with Axel's suspenders, running his hands along the back, down inside Axel's pants.

"Oooh," Axel titled his head to the side as he gripped the tie tightly, pulling Roxas into a heated kiss.

"Too tight," Roxas gasped before Axel apologized.

"Better?" Axel asked as he loosened the tie around Roxas' neck and slipped it over his head. He took the blonde's hand and put it through the loop, tightening it as he secured Roxas' wrist in the hole.

"Axel?" Roxas asked with curious eyes as his boyfriend removed his own tie and placed it around Roxas' other wrist.

"You're coming, with me," Axel winked as he pulled on the ends of the ties, escorting his prisoner to his room, who seemed more than willing to follow.

"Thirty minutes." Axel reminded Demyx and I before he and Roxas escaped to his room.

"So," I said quietly after Demyx shut his bedroom door and started removing his tie and suspenders, in a much less sexy way than Axel and Roxas.

"What was that for, Zex?" Demyx asked, quiet, yet frustrated. Right away I knew he was referring to Xigbar.

"Said mean things when you were gone." I whispered, hurt and just as angry.

"What was resorting to violence and cussing going to solve?" Demyx put a hand to his head.

"Tried to choke me." I reminded my boyfriend, my voice straining.

"So don't stoop to his level!" Demyx raised his voice as I sighed.

"I not sorry." I folded my arms, stubborn.

"Well I am. I hated how Xigbar was so dumb and that he used violence on you. To see you do it back, it doesn't make you any better." Demyx gulped before he walked into his bathroom, shut the door, and locked it. I rolled my eyes before I helped myself to Demyx's closet, picking out some basketball shorts and a plain blue T shirt to sleep in. I used the guest bathroom's shower and within ten minutes, I was the first one waiting alone in the living room, thinking about what Demyx said.

I can see why he was so bothered that by me using my fists, I was only using the same idiotic method that Xigbar tried, but I had good reason. I was defending myself, and Demyx.

"Hey," Axel sat next to me, clean and hair up in a ponytail, still a bit damp.

"Hey," I muttered back hopelessly.

"Look, I know I shouldn't be saying this in front of Demyx so I'll say it now. I don't blame you for what you did. In fact, if he were hitting on Roxas, I'd remove his other eye." Axel smiled encouragingly, making me smile back.

"Thanks Axe."

"I know Demyx is mad because he hates physical violence, but deep down, I know that he cares that you were willing to fight for him. By the way, good punch, both were awesome. I was cheering for you on the inside." Axel winked before he got up and returned to his room to 'help' Roxas get dressed. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, smiling, actually proud of myself, for once. I was willing to fight for my boyfriend, and I just wanted him to appreciate it.

"Can we talk?" Demyx surprised me after I had shut my eyes for just a few minutes. I nodded as I scooted over on the couch. "Look, I, I'm sorry I compared you to Xigbar. You are better, there's no questioning that. I just, I don't want to date a bully Zex."

"Was just defending myself, and you."

"No, defending yourself would be using self defense as he's attacking you. He wasn't hurting you when you hit him. What he did was stupid and wrong, but what you did was nothing more than selfish revenge." Demyx said, having the perfect morals, as always.

"Was angry. Hated the things he said about you."

"What did he say?"

"Said that he grinded against your ass. Said he kissed your neck. Was so jealous. No one else can touch or kiss my Demy." I said, looking up into Demyx's eyes with my hurt pair.

"I know Zex." Demyx held me gently. "I swear I didn't mean to. I was foolish to not turn around and make sure it was you. I'm sorry." He kissed my head.

"Was an accident for Demy, but not for Xigbar. Had to teach him his lesson."

"No, you're not a teacher Zex. That's not your responsibility."

"Is justice."

"No, it's revenge." Demyx continued to lecture me.

"Was just one black eye." I sighed.

"Yeah and it's senseless violence that caused it." Demyx seemed more upset than he was a minute ago, so when I looked up into his eyes and tried to read his emotions, I figured it out. It was obvious. Demyx was a victim of child abuse, even I knew that. Me hitting Xigbar must have been parallel in his eyes to the way his dad used to hit him.

I gulped, knowing why it bothered him so much, but still not sure how to handle it.

"I sorry Demy." I started with a sincere apology.

"You said you weren't a second ago," Demyx mumbled.

"Was angry. I just wanted Xigbar to feel my pain, but it's not right. Should have used words, not violence. Don't want to be a monster." I said as Demyx nodded.

"You're not a monster Zex. Just promise me to stay away from Xigbar, ok? I don't want him trying to hurt you either. I will defend you, and myself, but I really don't want to be involved with something that doesn't need to happen ok?" Demyx gave me a small smile, as if to say that he was moving on, so I smiled back.

"Deal. I love you Demy." I kissed his nose, trying to be cute to keep him happy.

"I love you too Zexy." Demyx hugged me tightly. "And by the way," Demyx cleared his throat as I looked up into his eyes. "I do think that it was really sexy, to see how passionate you were to defend me. Even though I don't support the method, I do feel super special to have a boyfriend who is willing to ensure that I'm his alone." Demyx kissed my temple as I giggled.

"Will always defend my Demy. You my Demy." I said protectively.

"And you are my Zexion, and I love you very much." Demyx rested his cheek on my head as I closed my eyes, relaxing into a romantic calm when Axel and Roxas joined us.

"Ok, so, you two want couch?" Axel asked as popped the movie in the DVD player.

"Sure." Demyx said as he left to make popcorn. I laid down on the couch and when my boyfriend returned, he sat on my tummy with a bowel of his favorite movie snack.

"Oof!" I grunted, immediately getting cozy as I rested my hands on his lap, loving the way that he rubbed my tummy.

"Snuggle buddy time." Demyx kissed my head as Axel and Roxas cuddled on the floor against the couch, just as the movie started. Right after he finished his popcorn, Demyx laid behind me on the couch, spooning me comfortably as I fought against my strong desire to sleep.

I stayed awake longer than I expected to, but only because Demyx's phone kept buzzing every two minutes from incoming texts.

"Demyyy!" I whined impatiently after the tenth text.

"Sorry!" Demyx silenced his phone, but the vibration warnings weren't much better.

"Potty break," Demyx whispered as he sat up slowly, scurrying off to the bathroom, towards the end of the movie.

My curiosity got the better of me as I extended my nervous hand towards his phone, grabbed it, and opened it.

My eyes went wide when I saw that he had been texting Xigbar all along. I did my best to read as many texts as I could before Demyx came back, and most were about swim meets and training details. There was one, however, that stuck out to me. Demyx actually sent a text apologizing on my behalf for the black eye. I snarled, wondering why he would do such a thing? Xigbar apologized to Demyx for upsetting him, but never apologized for trying to hurt me. Demyx told him never to touch me again, and Xigbar told Demyx that if I wasn't such a crazy freak, then I wouldn't have tried to attack him. Really? I attacked him? I was getting sicker with each text I read. Demyx did tell Xigbar to stop with the names, and that he loved me, but Xigbar didn't give up as he continued to send text after text after text, telling Demyx what a waste of life I am, how horrible I must be to make him cry all the time, and how I'll only end up hurting him. What hurt most wasn't reading Xigbar's texts; it was realizing that Demyx never once turned off his phone to ignore Xigbar. Demyx did try to defend me, but then he tried to change the topic, which Xigbar noticed and interrupted. As I held Demyx's phone, Xigbar sent another text, telling Demyx that I was just trying to use him for sex because I'm a horny emo whore.

I started to sniffle, thankful that Axel and Roxas were both lightly snoring as I texted "Fuck off!" back to Xigbar. I wiped my eyes, set Demyx's phone back where my boyfriend left it, and rolled over, giving my back to the TV. I curled up into the back of the couch, against the cushions, wanting so badly to fall asleep. I knew that when Demyx would check his phone next, he would notice that I invaded his privacy, and he'd probably even yell at me, but if I could fake sleep long enough, I knew I could delay our inevitable fight for the night.

That idea didn't work, cause once Demyx laid back down on the couch, he opened his phone, and sat up.

"Zex, get up." Demyx tugged on my arm, but I continued with my plan to feign sleep. "Zexion I know you're awake." Demyx pushed me roughly.

"Mm!" I grumbled irritably.

"You looked at my phone, without asking?" Demyx was angry, but so was I.

"Is nearly midnight, wanted to see who you text at night." I defended myself.

"This is a huge invasion of privacy! It's like that circle talk with Axel meant nothing to you! You don't trust me, do you?" Demyx stood up, waking up Axel.

"What's wrong?" Axel asked sleepily.

"I've never cheated on you, I don't hide secrets from you, I've never given you reason to doubt my word, yet you do! All the while I'm doing my best to take your words seriously, when they're shaky at best, and you treat me like I'm inferior!" Demyx was getting really heated as I slowly sat up. Was Xigbar right? Was I not treating Demyx the way he deserved?

"What's going on?" Roxas asked, cranky.

"They're at it again." Axel sighed as he rolled over. I knew that Axel didn't mean for it to sound as harsh as it did, but he was right anyway. I couldn't stop as tears pushed through my eyes.

"It's the same damn thing, every time Zexion! You assume the worst in me, I confront you because I'm frustrated, you bawl your eyes out, and I end up looking like a dick." Demyx shook his head as I cried harder.

"I'm sorry," I hid my face in my hands.

"I hate having these talks with you." He looked so sad.

"Then end it already!" I screamed back. I don't know what came over me to possess me to yell so feverishly, but all the frustration that had added up was taking its toll. All along I thought I was the victim, but when Demyx starts talking, I can't help but feel guilty. And I'm sick of it. I'd rather him just dump my ass then have to live with all this up and down of emotions and disrespect and questioning if I'm anywhere near good enough. I can't do it anymore. I tried to show him I cared by fighting for him, but it didn't mean shit to him. Maybe it's me? Maybe I don't mean shit to him?

"What?" Demyx asked in a whisper, and even Roxas sat up on his knees as Axel rolled on his side.

"If I hurt you so much, get rid of me! Everyone else has!" I continued to shout.

"Zex," Demyx remained calm, probably in shock of the route I was taking. I think he expected me to argue back, defending myself, but I was so past all of that. I knew that there was no justification.

"Xiggy's right, you deserve better." I swallowed with a hurt smile, standing to my feet, about to run towards the bathroom when Demyx caught my wrist.

"Zexion!" Demyx pulled me into a hug. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I, I didn't mean to yell." Demyx rubbed my back.

"Demy, if you love me, need to make Xiggy stop. Can't handle these feelings anymore." I sniffled. The jealousy and hate were building up so badly, it was killing me.

"Ok, ok, I will." Demyx swayed his torso from side to side, clutching me tightly.

"I hate him." I whispered.

"I promise you Zex, I'd never want anyone but you." Demyx said as I stood there, immobile, trying to sort through all of the pain and confusion that was beginning to numb my mind. I could have fallen asleep right then and there due to all of my exhaustion, were it not for Demyx's sniffles.

"Just want you too Demy. Want to feel good enough. Don't want you mad at me." I started to get all emotional again.

"I'm not mad at you Zex. Just at me, for yelling at you. Look, if you, if you want to talk to me about Xigbar, just ask. Sneaking a peek at my phone made me upset, cause I want to know that you trust me." Demyx explained, so I nodded.

"Sorry. Couldn't help it. Wanted to defend my Demy." I said.

"I will always be your Demy, and thank you for trying to defend me." Demyx smiled, as if he finally understood where I was coming from.

"Demy, tired," I started to weep softly. I felt like an infant who skipped naptime, cranky and emotional.

"Ok, shh, it's ok baby, let's go cuddle in bed." Demyx took my hand and led me to his room, giving Axel and Roxas privacy which we were sure they were more than happy to have.

"I love you. I'd never imagine myself with anyone else." Demyx held me as we sat up on his bed.

"Love you too Demy." I rested my head on his shoulder.

"My poor baby," Demyx cooed in my ear as I swallowed down my grumpiness.

"I'm ok," I whispered in my sleepiness. "Don't know why I snapped. I just hate Xiggy. I hate him Demy." I wanted to blame that no good dirty rotten creep for everything.

"I know, and I understand why. I'm so sorry Zexy. It's all my fault for yelling." Demyx cradled my head against his chest, cozy and warm.

"No, Zexy's fault for giving Demy reason to yell." I closed my eyes.

"Shh, no, don't say such things. You were just being a loving and concerned boyfriend. Now that I think about it, I think it's cute that you stood up for our relationship like that. It shows just how much you care." Demyx squeezed me and I gave a small smile.

"Care a lot Demy."

"I promise you Zex, I'll never give up on you. I love you. You're my boyfriend and the idea of letting you get away scares me." Demyx rubbed his cheek against mine.

"Want to be Demy's." I put my palm on his chest.

"You are, and always will be." Demyx kissed my temple gently.

"Thanks," I said before I yawned.

"Come on, let's get some sleep." Demyx kept me in his arms as he spooned me from behind. He rubbed my tummy, causing me to fall immediately into a deep sleep as I dreamt safely in his arms, although it didn't last as long as I would have liked.

"Demy?" I woke up in the middle of the night, hating how he shifted and let go of me in his sleep.

"Demy!" I whined loudly, feeling needy and grumpy because of it.

"Hm?"

"Demy hold me," I tugged his arm. "Demy please?" I whined louder, tired and cranky.

"What?" Demyx yawned, siting up on his elbows.

"Want to be held by my Demy," I rubbed my eyes.

"Oh, yeah, sorry. I never realize how much I move in my sleep until we sleep together." Demyx giggled.

"Demy!" I whined even louder.

"What? What is it?" Demyx was almost laughing.

"Feeling needy," I grumbled, sitting up.

"Aww, you're so cute when you're grumpy." Demyx put an arm around my waist as he sat closer to me.

"Mmm!" I groaned through closed lips. My hair covered my eyes and half of my face as I started to get a headache.

"Hehe!" Demyx kissed my cheek, then my nose, then my forehead, then my cheek again, a bunch of small kisses ambushing my face.

"Cranky," I mumbled.

"Aww I sorry!" Demyx smooched my cheek extra long.

"Demy," I said, jut to say it as I rested my head on his shoulder.

"What is it baby?" Demyx rubbed my back.

"I don't know," I grumbled, still out of it.

"You're so cute." He rubbed his cheek on my head.

"Mmm!" I whined and complained over nothing as I gripped his shirt in my fingertips.

"What is it?" Demyx asked but I only shook my head.

"I don't know," I pouted.

"You're so needy right now," Demyx shook his head with a faint smile.

"I sorry," I pouted with a sniffle.

"Don't be. I like it, cause I feel loved and special when you're clingy." Demyx blushed before he made out with my ear. I gasped and moaned, trying to talk, but the sounds I made were gibberish as he swirled his tongue in my ear.

"Good cause I feeling very clingy." I squeezed Demyx's back in my arms, able to produce words in shallow breaths. Demyx ended with a smooch as I gulped loudly.

"Well I have to use the bathroom real quick, but I promise once I get back you can be as clingy as your adorable heart desires, ok?" Demyx pried my hands off of his chest as I whimpered.

"Hurry," I whined and he nodded as he jumped off of his bed.

When he came back, I forced his arms around me and fell back asleep while he hummed a soft tune.

"I love you," I heard a voice say as I slowly started to wake up.

"M?" I couldn't even open my eyes yet.

"I love you Zexion," Demyx repeated and just as I opened my eyes, I felt his tongue against my closed lips.

Right away I forced my eyes open wide, watching as my boyfriend licked my lips, even after I slowly parted them.

"Mmmm," He moaned deliciously as he dipped his tongue in my mouth, feeding my pleasure.

"Hah," I gasped in my weakness as he stole my breath and my thoughts. His wet muscle swirled around inside of my open mouth, all while I laid there, wanting to feel his tongue explore as much as it could.

Demyx grinned as he pulled his tongue out, swallowed hard, and then let the tip of his tongue flicker against mine. I whined, hating yet loving the tease all at the same time. He moved his muscle up and down, slapping mine before he slowly rounded his lips, encouraging me to do the same for a gentle kiss.

"I love you Zexion." He said once more as I looped an arm around the back of his neck.

"I love you too Demy," I gulped, trying to catch my sleepy head up with the action I was receiving.

We made out, our hands anxiously rushing to each other's back's as we clawed for intimacy. Demyx sucked on my neck as his leg rubbed between my own, causing me to whimper as I rocked my hips into his.

"Mmm, I told you I had to make it up to you; all the times I hurt you." Demyx frowned as he nudged his nose against my neck.

"This helps," I bit my lip, rubbing his back, trying to feed his pleasure so he could feed mine in return.

"Then this might fix everything." Demyx smirked before he pushed me on me back and hovered over me.

My boyfriend pressed his body firmly on mine, continued to make out with me, and tugged forcefully on my hair, arousing me completely as I tried to force my hips up into his. With closed eyes, I pictured him in his speedo, working my hands under his shirt to make the vision more realistic as I squeezed his back in my fingertips. We continued a heated make out session, our tongues and lips working in overdrive as we started to dry hump against each other. Demyx rocked his hips into mine, I bucked mine up in response, and his hands were still pulling my hair in a way that made me want to beg him to take me. I wanted him to touch me everywhere, to feel me, to explore me as I explored him. My fantasies of his speedo, dripping wet, were catching up to me, and before I knew it, my eyes went wide as I realized the evidence left behind. As our kiss came to a calm end, I gulped.

"You want to snuggle?" Demyx asked with his forehead pressed to mine, and naturally I nodded. "Ok, well let's get rid of this," Demyx tossed the pillow aside, and I gasped loudly.

"Huh?" Demyx's eyes went straight to my bulging erection, begging for freedom as it stretched the cloth. He sat up as he continued to stare at my throbbing desire.

"I sorry Demy! Couldn't stop thinking about Demy in speedo, not a whore!" I put my hands over my crotch, ashamed of what he would think of me.

"You, you got that just by thinking about me in a speedo?" Demyx asked with a gulp. I nodded shyly.

"Thought about Demy disrespectfully. Shouldn't have pictured Demy nakey. I sorry." I hung my head.

"First of all, I'm your boyfriend, so it's not disrespectful. Second of all, as long as I'm the only one you're picturing naked, you don't have to apologize. Thirdly, I've pictured you naked plenty of times, so again, no need to apologize, and lastly, you're adorable when you say 'nakey'." Demyx giggled as I looked up at him.

"You picture Zexy nakey?" I don't know why but I found it surprising. I mean, if I were as hot as Demyx, hell, I'd just picture myself naked.

"Mhm." Demyx turned bright red. "Not going to lie Zex, the last time I touched myself, I pretended it was you."

"Really? Me too," I bit my lip with a smile.

"You're so cute," Demyx kissed me, and as his tongue entered my mouth, I whined.

"Demy," I whimpered, afraid of what I was about to say, knowing it had to be said.

"Yes baby?" Demyx asked with a smile.

"Please, please stop," I gulped, shocked at myself for saying such things.

"What?" Demyx was just as surprised as I was.

"Already hard, but need to respect Demy. It's not easy," I whispered, wishing we could be intimate, but since I knew that Demyx wasn't ready, all he was doing now was teasing me.

"You, you don't want to kiss me, because you're hard?" Demyx didn't seem to understand.

"Demy wants to wait, but kissing when Zexy's hard makes it harder." I wriggled awkwardly, wishing I could magically make my erection disappear.

"It's really sweet of you to respect me, even if you don't want to wait." Demyx smiled at me, so I shrugged.

"Demy deserves best," I bit my lip.

"You are the best," Demyx gave me a confident, beautiful smile before he took off his shirt. I couldn't help but frown. Did he not hear the last statement I made, about him making it harder than it needs to be?

"Demy please, not helping," I was on the verge of breaking down and leaving the room.

"But I want to help you fix it," Demyx gave me a teasing smile as I looked at him, confused.

"Fix it?" I asked.

"This," Demyx cupped his hand over my erection as my eyes widened to a whole new level.

"Oh god,"

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><p><strong>Author's Note<strong>: Ok, talk about a long chapter! So many ups and downs! I apologize that the dance scene was short and not very descriptive, but I have to write the dance scene for Can You Keep My Secret, so I was already sick of dance scenes when I started this one . Demyx and Zexion had another Xigbar related fight (BTW, **yay for Zexy, nailing Xigbar** like that! XD), but it seems that they are finally realizing that it shouldn't be a part of their relationship. Yay for progress! And then of course there is the snuggly wuggly cutsie fluff!

**And as you've already guessed, there will be a lemon in the next chapter!**

To LittleTrancyGirl: Haha, you should come to japan! Lol. Awww, you are far too kind! Thank you for such lovely complements. I'm glad to hear that you enjoy reading this story!

To luckycat222: Yes, here is the dance scene! I hope you liked it! Thank you so much for reviewing and being a great fan! ^_^

To T3CHN0 C4T: hahaha, I'm glad to hear that you liked the akuroku lemon, despite not being an akuroku fan. Haha, yes, be excited for Zexion ;)

To xSonya: I feel like the dance scene was a bit of a let down since everyone seemed so excited for it, but I hope that you enjoyed it, and trust me, you'll enjoy the next chapter too!

To Red-Travels-The-Futhest: Awww, I'm so happy to hear that this fanfiction is a fav! Lol-ing at 'miss Sarabellum' haha. I have an answer: Yes, it is as it felt: Roxas requested it rough. More will be explained in future chapters….not too far in the future. Seriously, your reviews really are perfection, and whenever I get the email that I have a new review for this story, I scan to see if its you haha. I really hope that your days are going great, as you deserve. You understand my stories as if you can understand my mind as I'm writing them, and that's saying a heck of a lot because I cant even do that . lol. Thank you for reviewing, and I found it sweet that you smiled when reading my last review to you haha. I'm honored to have a fan like you. Love, Sarabellum

To kindofabadger: hahaha, good bet, it would be weird for him to eat on that table after what he witnessed. Yeah I wanted to give Demyx the understanding that Zexion needs, and I'm glad that you and others enjoyed it! I seriously don't know how I do it either, cause I started yet another (yep, this makes 4) soriku. I wish I had the time to write all of these But I hope that you'll read them all! As expected, they will all be rated M and will have some good lemony flavor ;)

To Jenny-Xenj-Harris: Yay, I'm glad that you like the dynamics of this story! ^_^

To Zelta-Frost: haha, yeah, I thought it'd be cute to make Roxas whine like that. LOL, I don't know how I came up with 'nakey', but it just sounded like something Zexion would say and its beyond adorable in my mind lol. Yes, the two are making beautiful progress, and now they are getting rewarded for it physically. Haha, now Xigbar has been punched! I'm sure a lot of people enjoyed that, as did Zexion lol.

Thank you everyone for the reviews and favs!

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><p><strong>Announcement: I have been getting a TON of requests for stories lately, and I really am SO honored and happy to be a thought in your mind when thinking of an author. Due to recent struggles, but financial and time-related, I'm going to request a small fee for any story. It'll be cheap, so no need to worry! Short stories (like one-shots) will be about $5, for your very own pairing and plot. Longermore developed story will rang based on plot ideas, but I will provide estimates before any 'deal' is made. I hope this doesn't discourage anyone from requesting a story. I've actually been told by several people that they would pay, so please don't be scared to ask for an estimate! (I accept paypal)**

**They make for good gifts too! (If its your bff's birthday and you want to give them their own story with their FAVORITE pairing, i can dedicate it to that person, (and you) as well! Also a good "pick-me-up" if you know someone going through a rough time and needs an encouraging reminder =)**

**Love, Sarabellum**


	37. A Smile So Pure

**Warning, what you are about to read is a lemon. Everything, up until the VERY LAST SENTENCE is a lemon. Don't like lemons, don't want to read a lemon, in public and can't handle reading a lemon atm….you might want to skip to the last line or wait! Consider yourself warned. With that being said, please, enjoy =)**

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><p>"You, you don't want to kiss me, because you're hard?" Demyx didn't seem to understand.<p>

"Demy wants to wait, but kissing when Zexy's hard makes it harder." I wriggled awkwardly, wishing I could magically make my erection disappear.

"It's really sweet of you to respect me, even if you don't want to wait." Demyx smiled at me, so I shrugged.

"Demy deserves best," I bit my lip.

"You are the best," Demyx gave me a confident, beautiful smile before he took off his shirt. I couldn't help but frown. Did he not hear the last statement I made, about him making it harder than it needs to be?

"Demy please, not helping," I was on the verge of breaking down and leaving the room.

"But I want to help you fix it," Demyx gave me a teasing smile as I looked at him, confused.

"Fix it?" I asked.

"This," Demyx cupped his hand over my erection as my eyes widened to a whole new level.

"Oh god,"

* * *

><p>I shivered, unable to think or breathe or blink. His hand was so warm, and he was naturally shaking from obvious nerves as he lightly squeezed my package.<p>

"To be honest, seeing you hard is making me, tingly." Demyx squirmed in his adorable cuteness.

"Making me harder," I put my hand over his, wanting him to squish his fingers over me, but I knew I had to take it slow, so he wouldn't change his mind.

"You're so cute," Demyx's cheeks stained red, so I smiled back at him.

"I love you Demy." I put my hand on his neck and kissed him gently.

"I love you too," Demyx put his hand in my hair and kissed me back. I knew that even though Demyx is older and taller, he'd take top, but I would have to lead because he's that shy and cute about these sorts of things.

"Demy so sexy," I started picturing him naked again, just to keep my erection.

"You're adorable, especially when you say nakey." Demyx smiled as I laid on my back and he went on my stomach.

"Naked." I hummed softly as I rubbed his back.

"Naked?" He asked and I nodded.

"Mhm, nice and naked." I slid my hand down the back of his shorts, and as my palms made contact with his bare cheeks, he flexed his muscles, weighing his body down heavier onto my body. I gasped as I pressed my hips up into his, rubbing my dick against his stomach.

"Holy fuck you're hard." Demyx gulped.

"You sexy." I started pumping my pelvis up against my boyfriends. Dry humping gets my hornier than almost anything.

"Mphm!" Demyx whined.

"Nakey?" I asked teasingly as I tickled his ass.

"Nakey." Demyx echoed as he giggled.

He lifted himself off of my body and sat up, blushing as I sat up as well, each of us looking at the other, unsure of what could be said at such a time.

"C-can I have another kiss?" he asked shyly, and I nodded.

I kissed his lips, slowly pressing my timid pink against his warm pink, each of us inhaling into each other. I tilted my head, and he cupped my face before he started making out with me. Immediately my hands rushed to his hair, clawing and tugging at his Mohawk as he shoved his tongue deep in my mouth. I could feel myself getting turned on at the tenacity behind his tongue as he breathed heavily out his nose and gulped into our kiss. I couldn't hold back a moan, which made him moan in my mouth, which drove me wild.

"Zex? Remember that day, way back when we first started hanging out, when we thought you were going to the orphanage? Remember how we wanted to… you know….get close?" Demyx asked with a shy blush and I nodded.

"I want to be close with Demy." I said and he smiled.

"Me too. I know this sounds silly, but I feel like the main reason why I've been holding back is because, well, I've heard that couples change after sex. I mean, I know Axel and Roxas still manage to keep things perfect as always, but I have this fear that after we do it,…we won't be as close. Like we'll lose something that we can't take back." Demyx looked away, so I put a hand on his cheek and forced him to look at me.

"Close. Always." I smiled and he did too.

"I'm sure you're right." he smiled reassuringly and began removing his trousers. I smirked at the idea and he smiled as he started taking off his pants.

"Demy, pants." I laughed and he shook his head.

"Axel won't shut up about how I said that in my sleep when we stayed overnight at the hospital."

"What was Demy dreaming bout?" I asked curiously. Demyx rubbed the back of his neck.

"I uh, I don't remember," Demyx was clearly lying, so I looked at him to show I wasn't buying it.

"Demy?" I pressed for more information.

"Ok, ok, I was dreaming…about this." Demyx shrugged.

"This?" I wanted him to be clear.

"In my dream, you were lying all seductively, naked with your legs open, and it was sexy, so I was aroused, and you waved me over, so I went, but then," Demyx frowned. "I couldn't take my pants off, like, the button or zipper was stuck. And you were super sad and super sexy and I was panicking!" Demyx put his hands in his hair to show his turmoil as I chuckled.

"You dreamt of wanting sex with Zexy?" I asked and Demyx bit his lip.

"Yeah, and whenever I hear or say pants in my sleep, I think of that dream again." Demyx blushed a deep red. "I know it may not have seemed that way, but I've wanting to get close to you all along, just like you have. I just, I don't, like I said, I was scared." Demyx frowned.

"Demy still scared?" I asked, just to be sure. I didn't want to go further if he was.

"I'm nervous, but excited." Demyx smiled.

"Demy cute." I stuck my tongue out and he smiled before he kissed me again, attacking my mouth with his tongue. I pushed down my shorts before I removed my shirt, anxious to get started.

Finally I was getting the adrenaline rush that I needed. His body was so close to mine, and our lips were entangled in the most laziest of duels. He let his tongue trace over my upper lip, and I couldn't help but leave my mouth open, hoping for a direct taste. He smiled and gave me that taste by let his tongue rub up and down against mine, driving my hips up and sideways, towards his.

He rubbed my belly, causing more heat to mix with the burning desire that I had for him, and just when I thought that it couldn't get any warmer, he let his hand rub over my boxers. I moaned into our deep tongue kiss, jerking my hips into his hand as he forcefully shoved them back down. His hand was firm and rough, and it made me that much more horny. He was half lying on me, his chest resting on mine as we continued to kiss, but as he massaged my groin, his hand moving up and down, and I thought that I was going to come in my boxers. I placed one of my hands at the back of his neck for support as he lifted my entire pelvis up with his powerful hand, before he teased and let it fall again. My whole body moved to the rhythm, up and down, up and down, craving more of that hand as it elevated me.

I wanted to feel his dick on mine. I wanted to feel his hardness tapping against mine so damn bad. Instead, he reached into my boxers and grabbed my balls and pulled on them, causing me to whimper. Then he took my dick, over my boxers, and stroked it, squeezing it playfully as I failed to keep my hips still.

"Mph, Demy." I whined loudly, wanting so badly to be sucked dry.

"Yes Zex?" Demyx asked, straddling me and kissing my pale chest.

"M-more." I gasped, loving the way that he started licking my nipples as he began to grind his hips into mine.

"Hehe, ok." Demyx smiled. He's the only one who could be so sexy, so dominating, and so fucking cute all at once.

He pounded his balls and his dick against mine, his cotton briefs smashing against my boxers as his tongue lavished my chest.

"C-cant." I panted, wanting to free my erection so damn bad.

"Shh, it's ok." Demyx whispered as he kissed a trail down my tummy and to the hem of my boxers. "May I?" he asked and I nodded quickly. There was no way in hell that I'd deny him. Slowly he lifted them up, pulling them down just enough to free my cock. He stared at my length before he gulped.

"You're beautiful." He looked up into my eyes as I blushed, so nervous, I could have melted.

"Demy, angel." I smiled shyly.

"I love you Zexion." Demyx leaned forward to kiss my lips gently before he let his hand slide down my chest, stomach, and then stopped just below my belly button. He looked at me again, as if for reassurance, so I nodded before he smiled and slowly wrapped his fingers around my cock. I let out a deep breath, wanting to speed up all the way, yet at the same time, I was so happy to be able to take in each second. His hand moved teasingly slow, up and down, and I craved his entire body as I watched.

"Demy." I whined again, so completely lost in his touch.

"You ready?" He asked with a smile. I nodded before he pumped me quickly.

"More! More!" I shouted. His hand was so slick and so smooth that I could feel myself turning to stone.

He pumped me so fast, I couldn't even moan. "Ah, hah, ah!" I gasped, desperate for a full breath as he slowed down.

"Zex…do…do you think you can help me now?" Demyx asked shyly and I nodded. I knew exactly what I wanted to do with him. I wanted the taste of his meat.

"Demy lie down." I said and he did, getting on his back as I pulled down his briefs. His cock wasn't as hard as mine, but it was already longer. I grinned. That would be fun to ride. First, I tugged on his erection, helping him feel every ounce of pleasure he could.

"Ewhew." He made the lightest of whimpers as I tugged faster. "Zexy." He gasped and panted, making me want to ravage him with everything I could. Fuck he's so damn sexy. His eyes turned to slits, his legs were spread out to the sides, most likely numb.

Then, I stopped, and his head moved back. "D-don't stop." He begged and I grinned.

"No stop. Start." I said and he let his eyes open. I kept my eyes up on his as I lowered my face to his tip, allowing my tongue to get as close as possible without actually touching it.

"Zex, oh god, Zex please." Demyx pleaded as desperately as ever. I let my tongue hang right by his cock, which was already standing straight up, aware of what I had in store for it. I kept one hand on the base of his shaft by his balls as I continued to tease him by breathing on it without actually letting my tongue make contact with it.

"Zex this is torture!" Demyx cried, trying to buck his hips up, but I held him down with my other hand. "Zex, Zexy, Zexy please!" Demyx looked like he was actually on the verge of tears, so I shoved his exposed tip in my mouth, letting my tongue attack without mercy as the lips of my mouth suffocated it.

"Oooh, ah, mmmm!" Demyx grabbed my hair and pulled, which quite honestly I found to be a kinky turn on.

I continued to bob up and down on him, making sure not to scrape him with my teeth. Demyx was really enjoying it, cause in no time, I didn't even have to bob. Right away, he started thrusting up into my mouth. I kept my hands on his hips to keep him from activating my gag reflex, but his talented and beautiful abs did all the work.

I started to pump his cock as I took my mouth off of it to breathe, and with closed eyes, he started to control his breathing. I let my tongue trace over his slit before I allowed myself to lick forcefully. Demyx started to wriggle his hips, his head pushing back into the headboard, his hands tightening in my hair.

I let his cock go, and it was so hard and so heavy, it fell on his stomach. It was also so long in size, that it touched his belly button.

"Mphf." Demyx let his eyes flutter open and I smiled.

"Demy like?" I asked and he nodded as he held his arms out. I laid myself gently on top of him as we continued to make out, our hands sticking to each other's faces and hair while our tongues danced from my mouth to his.

"I'm so happy we decided to do this," Demyx said, a calm smile on his face as we laid comfortably in our warm embrace.

"Me too," I agreed contently.

"I kind of feel guilty for making us wait." Demyx shifted uneasily.

"Don't. Makes it more special now." I closed my eyes as my body relaxed, in such a perfect bliss.

"I just want to feel you." Demyx inhaled deeply. "I want to hold you tight, the way you deserve." Demyx rubbed my back as I remained on his chest, cozy and warm.

"Want to be held by Demy for forever." I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

"Mmmm I love you babe." Demyx pecked my forehead as I sighed in relaxation.

"Love you too." I whispered, ready to fall asleep. There was so much more that I wanted to do, but just feeling his bare skin against mine was so soothing that I didn't want to end it.

As we laid there, I began to trace my hand down his side and onto his hip, where I cautiously let my fingers roam to the front of his body. My hand timidly dipped over his small hairs, and the second it did, Demyx gulped loudly. I grinned as I rubbed my fingers into a small circle, tickling him gently as his breathing began to lose stability.

"Feels good," Demyx smiled with a nervous smile.

"Mm," I agreed as I added more pressure behind my fingertips.

There I was with my incredibly attractive boyfriend, his body at my disposal, all while we cuddled naked. I didn't think it could get any better, until,

"Hey Zex," Demyx sat up, forcing my eyes open as I sat up as well.

"Yeah?" I fixed my bangs as they continued to hide one of my eyes.

"Do, do you want to," Demyx's cheeks turned red as he stuttered.

"Do I?" I tilted my head curiously, wondering how he planned on wording what I figured he was hinting at.

"Do you want to, do it?" Demyx whispered timidly.

"Do what?" I asked, playing stupid, just because I wanted to hear him say it.

"You know, m-make love?" Demyx gulped, as if saying it were just as heavy as doing it.

"You, you want to make love with Zexy?" I loved the way that sounded, so I had to say it.

"Yeah," Demyx blushed even deeper as I smiled.

"Want to make love with my Demy." I confessed, my hands on my lap, still trying to adjust to being naked in front of him and his gorgeous body.

"Really? Good." Demyx smiled, causing butterflies to go off in my heart as I asked myself I really could be the cause for a smile so pure.

"We should, arouse each other." Demyx coughed, so I nodded.

"I have idea," I gulped, hoping he'd like it.

"What is it?" he asked and I pushed him on his back, lying on top of him rather comfortably.

"We could, rub?" I didn't want to say 'hump' cause I felt like that was a bit too strong, but its pretty much what I've always fantasized doing with Demyx.

"Ok." Demyx put his hands on my hips as we started dry humping, smashing our pelvis' against one another's, the feeling of our dicks caught between our bodies turning me on. This was working very well as an arousal technique, until I stopped to sit up.

"Um, Demy have lube?" I asked, realizing that it would be very much needed for our first time.

"Oh, um, shit." Demyx put a finger to his mouth.

I let out a small sigh, disappointed. I've never had anything up there before, and I didn't intend on doing it dry, and without anything having been said, I knew I'd be the one to receive it.

"Maybe Axel," I winced, not really wanting to make our intimate lives so public, but I knew it'd be worth it.

"Yeah," Demyx nodded to my suggestion. I reached over to his nightstand, took my phone, and dialed the redheads number, even though he was only two rooms over.

"Hello?" Axel asked loudly, obviously amused by my random decision to call him from within the house.

"Uh, Axe?" I didn't know how to ask such a question.

"What can I do for ya Zex?" Axel was definitely taking advantage of the awkwardness I was feeding him.

"You, you uh," I stammered, clearly uncomfortable.

"What is it?" Axel asked curiously.

"You have lube?" I gulped after I rushed my question as fast as I could out of my mouth.

"Lube? Lubricant? Lubrication?" Axel asked as I bit my lip, wishing he'd shut the hell up.

"Yeah," I whispered as quietly as I could.

"Like lube for sex to lubricate using a lubricant? That kind of lubrication?" Axel was giggling as he asked, so I rolled my eyes.

"Yes," I whispered.

"Wait, so you want lube to lubricate something, like, I don't know, a dick maybe, and then using said lubrication, you want to engage in sexual activities?" Axel was being more immature than I imagined possible.

"Yes or no?" I barked.

"Hey, easy there." Axel chuckled. "Nah, sorry. Roxy and I ran out a couple days ago, but lotion usually works decently enough if you don't have any other option."

"Oh," my heart sank. Lotion didn't sound as promising, and I just felt that lube really would have been best considering it was my first time, and I was already nervous and scared as it was.

"Sorry," Axel apologized.

"It's ok. Thanks though." I said, ready to hang up.

"Wait, are you guys both already hard?" Axel asked as my eyes widened.

"Uh," I didn't know how to answer.

"I mean, like, is it too late to run out to the store?"

"Yeah," I coughed, looking into my lap as Demyx looked at me in bewilderment, seemingly anxious to hear what was going on.

"Oh, well I can go to the store if you want."

"You sure?" I asked, a bit surprised.

"Yeah, Roxy and I are going to need more, and hell if you and Demyx are going to have sex, we might as well too. I'll be back in like thirty. I'll leave a bottle for you and your man outside his door and text you when I do, ok?"

"Ok," I said, still smiling at how he called Demyx my man. I loved how that sounded.

"Alright, I'll hurry up, I just need to put on pants. Think you and Dem can wait thirty minutes to fuck, or are you two going to lose it before then?" Axel asked, and I couldn't help but growl.

"Demy and I not going to 'fuck', we going to make love!" I shouted before I hung up. I took a deep breath before I swallowed, looking up into Demyx's confused eyes.

"Um, are you ok?" Demyx asked, sounding almost scared.

"We not going to fuck. Sounds, bad." I shrugged. "Make love, cause we in love." I corrected the phrases as Demyx gave a wide smile.

"You're so cute." Demyx offered me his arms, so I took refuge in his body. "So, did Axel have any?" Demyx asked as he ran his hand through my hair.

"No, but he going to store." I snuggled my cheek against his shoulder, letting my fingertips graze his other shoulder, wanting to fall asleep safe and secure in his arms.

"Oh, well that's nice of him." Demyx always had a way of staying positive.

"Mhm. Until then, can we touch?" I asked, feeling tired. Of course I wanted to have sex with my boyfriend, I've been waiting so damn long, but now that I knew it was happening, I couldn't help but feel a bit edgy. I didn't know what to expect, as far as for pain or pleasure, or awkwardness.

"How could I say no to such a cute, full sentence?" Demyx kissed the tip of my nose as I smiled.

"I love you Demy." I snuggled into his arms as he rubbed my arm.

"I love you too babyboy. Come on, let's do some exploring." Demyx laid down with me in his arms as we waited for Axel to return. He ran his fingers along my body, stopping at my scars as I gulped.

"I'm sorry." I whispered, feeling guilty that he had to see such a sight.

"Just, please, no more?" he asked and I nodded.

"I love you Demy." I repeated.

"I love you too." Demyx rested his head on mine. We were silent as he quietly felt each other's stomachs' and chests, just trying to overcome any potential awkwardness.

"Delivery!" Axel shouted twenty minutes later, knocking on Demyx's door.

"Thanks!" Demyx yelled back. My boyfriend slowly opened the door, snatched the lube on the floor, shut the door, and ran back in bed with me.

"So," I scratched my head.

"We should um, coat me in it," Demyx coughed. I nodded, took the container of lube, and squirted it into my hands.

"I love you Demy," I reminded him as I wrapped my hands around his length, moving them up and down, soaking his erection.

"Mmm, oh god, that feels great," Demyx smiled at me.

I made sure to get him as prepared as I could before he took the lube and coated his own fingers with it.

"Lay down baby," Demyx instructed, so I did, watching nervously as he slowly pushed a finger inside me.

"Eh," I bit my lip.

"Shh it's ok. I love you too Zexy." Demyx leaned forward to kiss my sweating brow before he shoved another finger in, accidentally scratching my walls with his nail.

"Ah!" I groaned.

"Sorry!" he gulped, slowing down, but going deeper.

"Mmm, feels better." I tugged my own erection to help with the pain. After he stretched me, we both sat up and kissed, our hands sticky, and both of us were so new to everything that we weren't quite sure what to do.

"Demy, sit here?" I asked and he nodded before he pushed himself on his arms to sit up against the headboard. I wanted so badly to ride him.

"What are you doing?" He asked when I turned my back to him.

"Ride." I said, forgetting that he's still an angelic virgin. Even though I had never had a penis inside me before, I've played with small toys and new enough to get things started.

"Ride? What ride?" he asked, his chest expanding and deflating as he started to breathe normally.

"Ride Demy." I said, loving the confused look on his face.

"What do you mean?" Demyx asked, but before I could answer, I started lowering my body over his cock.

"Hold." I said, grabbing his cock and he did.

"You…you're going to put it in you?" Demyx asked and I ignored him with words and answered with actions. I put one hand over his on his cock and used the other to guide my ass down.

"Mmhhfff, ahhh." I let out a moan of pleasure mixed with tingling pain. I wanted to ride him, but I did have to get used to the feeling.

"Fuck, fuck, tight, warm!" Demyx removed his hand off his cock and put them on my sides.

"Careful." I warned, trying to adjust to his tip inside me.

"Zex, please, more, inside." Demyx huffed, unable to use full sentences.

"Kay." I didn't feel ready, but I figured I'd get used to it either way. I lowered myself even more, still having quite a ways to go.

"Mmoooohhh fuck." Demyx panted on the back of my neck and I gasped.

He filled my hole, and there was still more to go.

"Demy, so long." I whined and he giggled.

"Mmmhhmmm, so long." He started to push down on my hips to get more of himself inside me, but I had to stop him.

"Demy slow." I reminded him. I kept one hand on his cock, right under my ass, so that I couldn't get any more of him inside me unless I moved my hand.

"Please? More? Oh fuck you're so warm." Demyx brought his chest right up to my back and I panted. His body was steaming, and I don't just mean in looks. I could feel his sweat rubbing against my back, which turned me on just as much as it made me warmer.

"K, slow." I said again, letting my hand slip all the way down to where his cock met his tummy. I let myself fall on whatever was left of his dick, which made me shutter violently.

"Full! Full!" I screamed, my ass feeling like it couldn't take anything else.

"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" Demyx arched his back and I let out another cry. It felt so damn good.

"Demy, Demy." I panted. I wanted to kiss him, so I turned my head. He leaned forward and kissed me, and with his hands on my tummy, we sat there.

"This, fuck it feels, so good." Demyx breathed huskily in my ear. I nodded. He pushed a finger in my mouth and I sucked, pumping myself as he bit my neck. We had sat there for a few minutes, and then, I was ready.

"Demy move." I rubbed his thigh that I was sitting on, but he didn't know what I meant by that.

"Oh, we're done?" he asked and I laughed as I shook my head.

"Demy move, inside Zexy." I said tugging on my own dick to prepare for the pleasure.

"Oh. Um." Demyx sounded unsure, so I figured that if I started moving, he'd catch on quick.

"Watch Zexy." I said as I lifted myself up just a couple inches, and then went back down slowly. I did so again, but when I came back down, I went a bit faster. I repeated this, going down just a tad bit faster than the time before, until I was able to go up and down instantly.

"Mmm, ooooh, babbyyyyy." Demyx moaned and I let one arm slither around his neck so that we could look at each other.

"Demy, thrust up." I said and he nodded. Again, those abs, gold. Priceless. Not only are they eye candy to the extreme, but they flawlessly and effortlessly pounded his dick up into my ass.

"Mm, oh yeaa." Demyx held onto my back and chest as I flailed up and down on him.

"Hoh, ooh, mehh, Demy." I had one hand at the back of his neck and used the other to pump myself.

He thrusted up and down, up into me, and out, pushing me off him and letting me fall back on, for a while. We started to slow down, and I rubbed my ass on his groin.

"Hehehe, tickles." Demyx giggled and I couldn't hold back my smile.

I let my ass rotate on his dick, the feeling of those tiny blonde hairs prickling my sensitive ass.

"Demy, more?" I asked. I wanted him to come inside me.

"Ok." Demyx smiled and I removed my hand from his neck and sat facing forward, my back completely towards him.

"Hands, here." I said, taking his hands and putting them on my ass. "Push." I said, sitting forward. He pushed on my ass and pretty soon, I didn't even need his hands. I used my own muscle, not nearly as obvious or beautiful as his, to thrust myself back up into him. He kept his hands on my lower back and ass, massaging my skin as I continued.

Just when I thought that Demyx had gone motionless from pleasure, he started squeezing my ass. Right away, I tensed up, causing my muscles to narrow in on his dick.

"AH!" Demyx thrusted his hips into me even more so as he arched his back. I didn't mean to tighten my muscles around him, but if it made him feel good, then I was happy. It was almost painful, were it not that he was still squeezed my ass, which I loved.

"Demy, squeeze." I panted and he let go of one of my ass cheeks. I was nearly disappointed, until I felt him spank me.

"Fuck, so fucking tight." Demyx coughed, like he wasn't getting enough air due to all his pleasure.

"Spank me." I begged as he stopped thrusting. I found it to be adorable and kinky all at once.

Demyx pushed down on my back so that I was bending over as far as I could with him still inside me, and his hands rubbed my back gently before he spanked me forcefully.

I let out a mewl of gratification before I sat back up, letting my head rest against his chest.

Demyx kept his hands high up on my sides and I started wriggling my hips side to side with his cock still in me. He giggled and I did too, loving the way his hairs tickled my ass, and the way his cock hardened inside me.

"You're so hot, so tight, god so hot inside." Demyx whined, his voice straining as he gulped.

I let my head fall on his shoulder and I made puppy noises till I got him to look at me, puckering my lips, asking for a kiss. He smiled and we started making out, his legs spread out even more with me in-between them. He ran his hand up and down one of my thighs with his other on my heated tummy. While we made out, he put his abs back to work and started moving them around, in a circular motion, causing my breathing to go even more sporadic. There we were, battling for dominance of a kiss while his dick was moving in circles inside me. I let my body move with his, both of us panting into the kiss. I grinded my ass into his pelvis as he kept rotating, both of us grunting and moaning and panting.

"Zex, I, I can't hold on." Demyx cried into my ear and I nodded.

"Me, me too." I gulped.

"Zexy, Zexy, Fuck Zexy!" Demyx shouted and when I felt his cock twitch, I tensed my ass even more. "AH!" Demyx tossed his head back as he released his warm liquid inside me.

My entire body shuddered. I could feel the liquid meshed inside with his long cock, and those thoughts alone caused me to squirt on my chest.

"I'm, I'm afraid, to pull out. Don't wana, make a mess." Demyx cleared his throat and gasped.

Slowly I leaned forward on my tummy, his dick gradually slipping out as I let my body collapse fully on the bed.

"Demy, can lick." I spread my legs out behind me like a frog. I didn't know if he'd be interested in doing those sorts of things, but I figured I had nothing to lose. He grabbed my ass and spread my cheeks apart as he licked me forcefully. I pushed whatever cum I had stuck inside my out and he let it drip onto his tongue.

"I taste good hehe." Demyx smiled and I did too.

"I …I want taste." I said and Demyx nodded. He shoved his finger up inside me, scrambled it around, and pulled it back out.

"Here." He held his finger by my mouth. I held onto his hand as I sucked and bobbed on his finger, rolling over to my back and I seductively moaned on his finger, thrusting my hips rhythmically up and towards his hand on which I was practically chewing.

Demyx winced, his throat swallowing hard.

"Zex, you're making me get all hard again." Demyx was sitting up on his knees and he rubbed his thighs together.

"Demy, lie on tummy." I sat up and he did. I gave him some extra pillows to lie on and I let my stomach fall on his back. His body was so warm, and mine was pretty wet and sticky from my sweat, his sweat, and my cum. I kissed the back of his neck, licking it up, and lightly biting.

"Ah!" Demyx tensed, so I used my hands to massage his shoulders.

I continued to nibble on his neck, making sure to leave a mark.

"Eh!" Demyx let out another sound of pain, so I licked him softly, as if to make up for the biting. Then, to top it all off, I kissed his freshly forming hickey.

"That..that kind of hurt." Demyx turned his head on his side.

"Sorry. Demy has hickey." I said kissing the same spot.

"Really?" Demyx perked his head up. "I've never had one before." He smiled shyly.

"Hehe, Demy, mine!" I nuzzled my face in the small gap between the pillow and his neck.

"Hehe, haha, Zexy." Demyx giggled at the tickling before I went back to kissing his back. "Mmm, this is relaxing." Demyx sighed as I massaged his shoulders.

"Our love, relaxing." I echoed, wanting to stay in that perfect moment of bliss forever.

Then, I started kissing the back of his neck, dead center, making my way down his spine. He bit the pillow as I kissed his tickly spot, half-way up his spine. I continued my way down, just when I reached his ass.

"More kiss?" Demyx asked, but I stayed silent. Instead, I used the hard tip of my tongue to lick up the entire way back to his neck.

"Mmmeehhh!" Demyx let out a pleasured sigh as I licked back down.

I kissed his sides, which made him squirm lightly, and then I went back to smooching his back, anywhere I could, doing my best not to leave any patch of skin untouched.

I spread his legs out to the side, not too much, but enough so that I could sit in between the gap, and I held onto his upper thighs. I kissed the top of his ass, which was still his lower back to be accurate. Then I kissed the middle of his left, round, juicy cheek. I could feel his body quake beneath my lips. I smiled, and then kissed the center of his right, scrumptious, plump ass. He sighed and I let my hands rub his ass, massaging and circling, mapping my palms throughout what was mine. Then, I rested my palms on the center of each, and spread them wide.

"Ehw!" Demyx mewled, turning his head to get a view. I blew him a kiss, while keeping my hands on his ass, and kissed the middle slit between his cheeks. "AH!" Demyx pushed his ass up into my face. I used my palms to guide him back down on the bed, his breathing sporadic. "Zexy, please, more, please?!" Demyx kept trying to lift his ass up, and I worked to keep them down.

"Hehe, alright Demy." I smiled. I spread his cheeks even more, and pecked his entrance. Then, when he wasn't expecting it, I let my tongue rail the sides of the walls of each ass cheek.

"Fuck!" Demyx gasped. I grinned as I let my tongue trace over his entrance itself. "Mwoaahh!" Demyx sighed and gasped all at once; I had no idea it was possible. He made the cutest whimpering sounds that encouraged me to lick harder and faster. Then, just as his breathing turned into full on pants and cries, I rammed the tip of my tongue on his hole. I stabbed his asshole with my tongue over and over, pelting him with pleasure as I let him have it.

"Zex, ehhwwww, Zex!" Demyx whined and shook his ass into my face.

I squished his juicy cheeks in my hands as I nuzzled my face in his ass, kissing and licking. I sat up to breathe, allowing my hands to rub up and down on his plump ass as I inhaled deeply for air.

"So goooood." Demyx panted.

I reached under him and got his dick, letting it lie under his body, between his legs. With my tongue I licked his cock, his balls, and then continued my way up between his ass.

"Fuuuuck." Demyx squirmed and I kept my hands on his ass as I started sucking on his balls.

"Demy, taste yummy." I went back to lying on his back, my head on his shoulder blade. I could feel my dick hardening again against his back, his bubbly ass caused my thighs to tingle, and his smooth skin relaxed me all at once. The strong sensations proved to be the high I was looking for.

"Mmm, my Zexy." Demyx rolled over and kept me on his stomach.

"My Demyx." I let my head rest on his neck, with his chin on my head.

"Zex….nothing's going to change, right?" Demyx wrapped his arms tightly around me. I held him back, unsure of what he meant.

"Change?"

"About what I said earlier, how I heard that when a couple has sex…things…change. I don't want them to change. I like things the way they are. I'm sorry for making you wait so long, but I, I just love you too much to risk anything happen to our relationship before we were ready. I love you Zex." Demyx sounded scared, so I sat up.

"No change. Love Demy." I smiled and he sat up too.

"C-can you say it? Fully?" He asked, nervous.

"I love Demyx." I smiled, then kissed his lips as softly as I could. "My Demyx." I put my hand on his neck, where I left the hickey. Demyx giggled and his face blushed.

"Maybe I should give my Zexion a hickey too."

I nodded, liking the idea. "Ok."

"Where?" Demyx asked and I pointed to the same spot on my neck.

"Here." I sat in his lap and moved my hair so that it wouldn't get in the way.

"I…I don't want to bite too hard." Demyx said shyly.

"It's ok." I smiled and he nodded before he started. He started by kissing, and then he started using some teeth. "More." I said, knowing that at the rate he was going, it would take a month before it'd leave a mark.

"I don't want to hurt you." He said, and I couldn't help but smile. He really is just too cute.

"Demy, it's ok." I said, kissing his cheek.

"Alright." He started nibbling and I gasped.

"Harder. Harder!" I begged. For some reason that almost scared me, the pain felt so good.

Demyx bit down hard and started chewing my flesh. I panted, wanting more, wanting him to eat me as I felt the tingles of his teeth on my pale skin.

"There, I think that should do it." Demyx pulled back, gave my scar a quick kiss, and then wiped off any remaining wetness.

"Mmm, hard again." I giggled, looking down at my erection.

"I think I am too." Demyx blushed, he's just that cute.

"Want to rub?" I asked and he nodded. I sat in his lap, facing him, and I grabbed his cock with mine, pumping both at the same time.

"Mmph!" Demyx bit his lip, which was perhaps the most adorable thing I've ever seen. His face was getting red and his chest was starting to sweat again. Fuck, I was getting harder by just looking at him.

I rubbed my tip all up and down his shaft; I even pressed it against his balls and wriggled it around by his entrance.

"Hehe, tickles." Demyx squirmed as I brought my tip to his, letting each of our erections meet. His is considerably longer, but he is also much taller in general. Nonetheless, I rubbed our slits together and he started making the sweetest and most delicate moans.

"Mmph, mmph eh, eh, heh." I started moaning as well as I pumped both of our dicks again in the same hand, doing my best to make us both come together.

"Zexy, I have to come." Demyx panted.

"Wait." I gasped.

"Zexy!" Demyx whined.

"R-ready." I gulped as we both shot out at the same time. My hand was full of the white liquid as I let it drip down his cock and mine.

"I…want to …lie down." Demyx said between deep breaths and I nodded.

Demyx went on his back and I went on my side, cozying my way into his arm. We each caught our breaths before we were ready to talk.

"How you feeling?" he asked and I nodded, still panting, trying to get over just how amazing all that felt. I let my back fall on his chest as I gasped for a full breath. One of his hands ran along my thigh while the other rubbed my chest. This was the high I've been waiting for.

We laid there, silent, just enjoying the other's naked company before Demyx started kissing my cheek softly. I smiled through closed eyes, so happy to have him, fully and wholly.

Demyx nudged his face closer to mine, and somehow wedged it between my cheek and the bedding, and the next thing I knew, he was licking the inside of my ear. I gasped loudly as I shuddered, unable to control my pleasure of such acts.

I thought we were about to go for another round, but I couldn't have been more wrong as Axel's loud, angry voice echoed into Demyx's room.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note<strong>: **Ok, I haven't worked on a lemon for a while, so hopefully that wasn't too bad lol. I'm in a really weird mood right now, slightly sad, disappointed, yet strangely hopeful. In the end, my motto is to just stay positive. Ok sorry for that random self-therapy, onto the chapter!**

**So it's official, they had sex :P A chapter with no fighting, just love making….well at least on Zemyx's end…there seems to be some sort of problem with Axel, which will be revealed next chapter, which will be posted when I write it . lol. I just wanted to thank everyone for their patience in waiting for the lemon!**

To kindofabadger: haha yes, I assume a lot of people have been waiting for the lemon, so thank you for the patience! Yes, progress by solving things on their own! Yay team Zemyx!

To luckycat222: haha, aww, yay for awesomeness overload! Lol, it was a fun chapter to work on, even though I procrastinated writing it for a long time. There's so much pressure to make certain scenes better than others, and I fear all the time that I'll disappoint . so I'm glad to hear that you liked it!

To otakuprincessluna: haha, yes, I seem to be writing too many cliff-hangers, but they're just so much fun!

To LittleTrancyGirl: No need to apologize! Glad to see you reviewing ^_^ Vexen and Zexion? Hmm, I've never really considered that pairing, just cause I never really liked Vexen much. Oh yeah, I go to Harajuku all the time. It's super expensive there, and the clothes are made for tiny Japanese girls/guys with no bodies practically, so it's usually a major disappointment if you way more than a hundred pounds lol.

To T3CHN0 C4T: Haha, yes, Zexion really has scored! Haha, thanks for waiting, hope you liked the lemon!

To KeybladeMaster13: Hahaha, I love writing cliff hangers, I can't help it. They're so easy and so much fun, I feel bad sometimes though, like it's a bit of a tease lol. Lol, no need to apologize for the language, I mean, have you seen what I write ?Well, duh, obviously you do haha. Love, Sarabellum

To Cirxe145: Yes, Xigbar has been punched, so score 1 for Zex! Lol, I'm so honored to hear that you've read all of my stories and that you like my lemons, cause I always thought that they were my weaker areas. And "Come Play With Us" was a lot of fun to work on, glad you liked it!

To Xiola-Nobody: Yeah, I could always picture Zexion looking defenseless, then BAAM, letting out his aggression. Everyone loves Zemyx time XD

To genesislove98: haha, your sense are right! Thanks for the review XD Hope all is well.

To FenrirDarkWolf: Haha, yay, I'm glad that I didn't ruin the balance within the last chapter. Hope you liked the chapter!

To ZeltaFrost: Hahaha, right? One black eye, Zexy is so funny lol. I actually saw people dancing like I had Axel and Roxas doing at a dance my friends dragged me to, and I wished it was them instead lol. Pay Pal is like a free account you can use to pay for things online, like ebay, amazon, stuff like that. Totally safe too, it's super big and popular, surprised you haven't heard of it.

To xSonya: Thank you! I appreciate the positive feedback ^_^ Glad you liked the last chapter and I hope you love this one even more!

To Red-Travels-The-Furthest: Haha, glad you checked and saw the update! I am SO relieved to hear that you liked the simplicity of the dance. I feared I was letting you all down with it, but I'm glad to hear that you enjoyed it all the same. Aww, you always seem to understand my stories best lol. Yeah, I mean, if Demyx was a perfect preppy blonde, Zexion wouldn't be able to relate, nor vice versa. This has a balance, or at least is trying to, so I'm glad that you see that. Axel is my hero, so I have to give him props in this story haha, glad you like the movies at his house though! I always wished I had a friend like that. Yes! The lemon, omg, I really didn't want to write it . I know, shocker, but like, lemons make me nervous that some fanboy will read it and be all like "WRONG" and I'll feel like a fail haha. Awwww, well I do love your reviews, because you seem to get the depth of this story the way I intend to get it across, and that's always a huge encouragement for me. So thank you =) adsjfasdfasf, you are too kind! I just failed my Japanese exam and one of my best friends from high school told me he likes me too much to stay friends with me since we both live on opposite sides of the world and our colleges are on opposite sides of the country, so we should just stop talking. I was super hurt but I had to remain calm and understanding to keep him from hurting more. So overall I had a pretty bad weekend*angry face* but I'm learning to stay positive no matter what =) and life is full of ups and down, but you know, you take what you get and get what you take and make the most of it =) Lol ok sorry, sometimes when I'm bummed I compensate with cheesiness :P lol. But I meant everything I said! Lol. Thank you for your lovely review. I hope you have an amazing day! Love you!

To Killerpanda: Haha, I'm so happy to hear that you liked the last chapter. Lol, thank you so much for the feedback, and for the lovely panda emoticon (") –this is a penguin!

**Thank you everyone for reading, hope you enjoyed the lemon!**

**Love, Sarabellum**


	38. Couldn't Find the Medicine

"What the fuck?!" Axel voice was loud as it boomed down the hall.

"I said leave me alone!" Roxas yelled back, so Demyx and I quickly threw on boxers and shorts before running out to see what the problem was.

"Hey everything," Demyx started, but stopped himself when he saw Roxas sulking on the couch while Axel shook his head with a cigarette in his hand.

"I don't know what the fucking problem is!" The redhead looked frustrated.

"You're the fucking problem!" Roxas shouted back as I gulped. Whatever it was that they were fighting about, it was bad.

"Wow, really? I'm only your boyfriend!" Axel was hurt, but was masking it with rage.

"If you don't shut up soon you won't be that much longer." Roxas stood up and tried to push past Axel.

"R-Roxas?" Axel looked like he was at a place of truce, ready to call it over to move on.

"Just go already!" Roxas turned around to yell at Axel.

"Go where?" Axel's temper rose again.

"To college!" Roxas answered as Demyx tried to clear his throat, hoping to calm things down.

"What? How is any of that even relevant?" Axel shook his head.

"Wait what are you two even fighting about?" Demyx interrupted, much braver than I was to interrupt their fight.

"I don't even know! We were about to, you know," Axel hinted with a wave of his hand, "But then he started screaming at me!" He put his hands up in defense.

"No! We were about to start when your phone went off!"

"I thought it might have been Zex again!" Axel put his hand to his head.

"It doesn't matter," Roxas huffed.

"Who was it?" I asked quietly.

"It was Radiant Garden." Axel shrugged.

"What did they want?" Demyx asked.

"They offered me a position." Axel smiled.

"That's great!" Demyx smiled wildly back.

"Yeah, hip hip hurray, so just go already." Roxas sighed, walking towards Axel's bedroom.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Axel was once again bothered, but his words stopped Roxas.

"Your cigarette is bothering me. I don't want to smell that shit." Roxas said sternly.

"This is like, my third." Axel said, as if it proved Roxas' statement to be false.

"Yeah and I hated the first two as well. I hate when you smoke. I don't want to kiss you." Roxas shivered in disgust.

"God you're so fucking," Axel sighed. "Way to tell me this after Rox. Really, great timing." Axel smiled sarcastically, causing Roxas to shake his head.

"You have no idea how angry I am right now." Roxas said so calmly that it literally sent shivers down my spine. Even Axel gulped, realizing that this wasn't some joke.

"Rox," Axel sounded like he was finally ready to listen, but Roxas looked like he was done.

"Don't talk to me Axe. I don't want to hear your voice right now." Roxas' tone was so sorrowful it was awful waiting on the edge to see what would happen next.

"Ok," Axel whispered, looking lost, unsure of what to do.

"I can't even look at you," Roxas' eyes fell downwards as his voice went weak.

"Baby," Axel reached out for the blonde, who swatted the hand away violently.

"No! I said I'm done! I don't want to talk to you, I'm angry as fuck, and you're just some horny drunk who can't take this relationship seriously!" Roxas yelled, leaving Axel wide mouthed.

"I, I didn't drink anything," Axel's words were heavy as he took deep breaths between each syllable, sounding like he were ready to cry.

"Well you were smoking and that's enough for me." Roxas checked his phone before taking a step towards the front door.

"Where are you," Axel started, but Roxas finished for him.

"I'm going home. You can go smoke and drink all the fuck you want. Hell, go to Radiant Garden and go drink with their baseball team already." Roxas opened the front door and slammed it, leaving the rest of us to stand there, blank, confused, lost.

"Ummm," Demyx thought aloud.

"You guys should go home." Axel whispered, standing in his boxers with his eyes swelling up as he stared at the floor.

"Axe," Demyx clearly wanted to support his best friend.

"Please? Go home." Axel repeated, his lips shaking before Demyx nodded.

"Come on Zex. I'll walk you to Aerith's." Demyx and I returned to his bedroom, silently dressed ourselves, and made our way to the door.

"Axe, please, take care of yourself?" Demyx was nearly begging as Axel nodded, although he looked like he didn't even hear Demyx's words.

"Axel?" I walked up to the redhead, who was sitting on the couch with a beer and another cigarette. Axel looked up at me as I knelt to give him a hug.

"We love you." I said as I squeezed his body tightly.

"Thanks." He felt so lifeless that I let go of him and watched him sway.

"Axel," Demyx sighed, as if he didn't even know what to say.

"I'll be fine." Axel took a chug of his beer. "Just need to relax."

"Text me, ok?" Demyx nodded to himself before he and I left.

We walked silently for the most part, but I couldn't help but feel so worried.

"It's ok, Axel usually blows up at first and has unhealthy ways of dealing with it, but it shouldn't be long till he's back on track and back to his normal self. As for Roxas, I'm sure he'll realize soon that he overreacted. Everything will work out." Demyx smiled at me.

"Demy?" I looked up at my tall boyfriend as we walked side by side.

"Yeah?" Demyx saw the hurt in my eyes that existed as a result of Axel and Roxas' fight.

"I love you." I grabbed my boyfriends hand, needing to feel life in him.

"I love you too Zex." Demyx hugged me tightly.

We continued our walk, and when I made it back to Aerith's, I said nothing of Axel and Roxas, nor of losing my virginity, nor anything of the past events that went down at the dance.

Instead, Demyx helped me convince Aerith that we had an all nighter playing video games, which gave me the permission I needed to sleep the day away.

I really was exhausted, from the sex and the emotional roller coaster, and I got in bed as Demyx said his goodbyes to Aerith. Just when I thought he had left, I felt his arms around me. I turned to see him holding me from behind, and none of us even said a word as we tried to comfort each other. Before I knew it, we were both asleep.

When I woke up, Demyx was gone since he had swim practice, and I knew that Axel had baseball training, so I sent him a text, asking him if he could stop by Aerith's house and drop off my backpack, which I forgot in Demyx's room as a result of the random fight that occurred.

When Axel got out of practice, his car pulled up to Aerith's house, and I was anxious to see how he was doing.

"You ok?" I asked, noticing how quiet and down he seemed, which was never like him, and it scared me.

"Yeah." He was brief.

"Everything ok with Roxas?" I had to ask. I had been hoping all along that they had made up over the night or early morning.

"Yeah, I mean, I know its not a relationship breaker, but it was pretty bad." Axel frowned. "It's my fault for having had more to smoke after you two left, even after Roxas got all upset and tried to lecture me." Axel shook his head as he handed me my backpack.

"I sorry." I wish I had all the answers like Axel always does, but I really had no idea what I could say to help.

"Eh, it's alright. It's my fault for smoking, and I'll apologize tonight. I'm just hoping he'll give me the chance." Axel shrugged.

"Know he loves you Axe." I had to remind him.

"Thanks Zex. Well, I'm going to head back home, I'll see you tomorrow." The redhead turned around and walked back in silence as I watched in despair.

"Oh, good, you're back." Aerith greeted me as I re-entered the house.

"Yep." I sat on the couch, leaving a gap between us.

"You ok?" She asked with concern.

"Tired." I didn't want to gossip about Roxas and Axel, but it was bothering me.

"Oh, well, I was hoping to perhaps have another session." Aerith suggested, so I nodded with a sigh. I was already feeling down, so why not just add to it instead of ruin a potentially good day in the future?

"Sure."

"Zexion, I was taking another look at your diary when,"

"Journal." I corrected her. Hell, diaries are for girls.

"At your journal, when I saw something I didn't quite understand." Aerith flipped through my notebook until she found her desired page.

"What is it?" I asked curiously.

"You mentioned in here, about when you were little, something about trying to buy medicine for your mother." Aerith looked at me as I nodded.

"Yeah, I remember." I took a deep breath.

"What happened?" she asked so I stared at the ground as I shared.

"Was about six, just before dad died. Mom had episode, wouldn't stop screaming." I continued to explain as I played through the movie in my head.

My mother was yelling at my father for a reason I couldn't understand. I was just wandering downstairs to get food when my mom threw something at me.

"Stop!" My dad yelled, grabbing my mom frantically as she started crying hysterically. I watched, leaning against the wall as the shattered vase lay just inches away from me.

"He, he's the reason. Don't you see? It's because of him!" my mom pointed to me as my eyes watered.

"What did I do?" I whispered, hating myself. I grew up hating myself, because I was always told that I messed up. My mother constantly reminded me that I was a bad boy, the reason for her problems. From a young age, I was told I was problematic.

"Nothing," My dad grunted, always trying to mediate between my mothers fits and my tears.

"Sorry mommy," I started to sniffle. I hated seeing her sad, seeing her frustrated, and I was far too young to realize that her drugs and mental conditions made her that way.

"Why? Why can't you be good?" My mother blamed me for god knows what.

"Sorry," I bit my lip, not sure what I was apologizing for.

"You're fine, just, go, upstairs." My dad was trying to hold my mother still as she fought him in an attempt to break free.

"But I'm hungry," I put my hand over my tummy.

"We don't have food because you eat it all!" My mother screamed at me.

"I, I," I panicked, guilt consumed me as I wondered if it were really true.

"Shh, its fine Zexion, just go upstairs. I'll bring you food." My dad was struggling so I nodded.

"Ok," I turned around.

"Just shut up!" My mother yelled and I froze as she took a step forward before my dad caught her in his grasp and I bolted for my room.

I heard more yelling and cussing as I sat on my bed, quiet, alone, wondering how long the screams would last. When two more hours passed and my tummy rumbled, I decided to make another attempt for the kitchen.

"Oh look who decided to join us?" My mother was standing in the kitchen while my dad was sitting at the table, his head in his hands.

"Zexion? Oh yeah, you're hungry." My dad sighed, looking so exhausted. I always felt bad for him, for what my mother put him through.

"Eating up all our goddamn food. And for what? You don't do shit!" my mother hissed.

"I sor,"

"Shut up!" my mother silenced me. "God, do you think I want to hear you? Huh?" She demanded an answer so I shook my head. "That's right!" she nodded, hands on hips, staring down at me as I gulped.

My stomach growled again.

"Hungry," I whispered before she wound her hand up to hit me. I cowered in fear before my dad grabbed her arm.

"Let the boy eat." He said.

"I don't want to look at him." She snarled.

"Then go upstairs." My father told my mother, who yanked her arm free and went into the bathroom, locking the door. My dad sighed as I stood there, unsure what to do. Days like that weren't uncommon, but they were still scary. My dad sent me with my grandmother as often as he could, and even when I was home, my mother was usually too busy living her drugged up life out and about, so I hardly ever had to deal with her. But when she was home, she made it apparent that she didn't want me to be there.

"Why is mommy mad at me?" I asked, wanting an answer, wanting to understand.

"She's sick." My dad sat back down in his chair.

"Medicine?" I proposed. My dad sighed before he thought.

"It's, it's not that simple Zexion."

"Why not?" I wanted to cry. I didn't want my mother to be sick; I didn't want her to be hurting.

"Cause, the doctors don't know what medicine will work."

"Is it a cold?" I asked.

"No," my dad shook his head.

"Flu?" I guessed again.

"No, sweetie, she's really sick. But, she'll be ok. We just, we have to be patient with mommy, ok?" he asked, a small smile of hope on his face.

"Ok." I nodded, trying to smile back.

"Hey," my mother exited the bathroom as I scooted closer to my dad.

"Why don't you go get a hamburger." My dad handed me twenty bucks and I nodded, scurrying out the door before my parents continued to fight.

It was pretty normal for my dad to hand me munny and let me walk alone to the local hamburger joint to buy food since my mother couldn't cook and it was best for me not to be around while they fought. I was about to go into the fast food chain when I looked across the street and saw a drug store. I gulped to myself before I crossed the street, walked into the store, and went to the medicine isle.

"Can I help you?" a friendly girl in her uniform shirt came up to me and knelt down.

"Looking for medicine." I nodded in determination.

"What kind?" she tilted her head.

"Ummm, I don't know." I bit my lip, seeing an error in my plan.

"Do you have a cold?" She asked, but I shook my head.

"Not a cold, not a flu, but sick." I repeated what I remembered my dad saying.

"I see, well does your head hurt?" She asked but I once again shook my head.

"No, not me, mommy." I clarified.

"Oh, well, maybe she knows what medicine. Where is she?"

"She's at home. I, I want to get her medicine, cause I don't want her to be sick anymore. Don't like seeing her sick. She's always sick." I started to sniffle, thinking about how all six years of my life was like the same painted picture.

"How long has she been sick?" the employee asked me.

"Don't remember. For forever." I rubbed my eyes.

"Are, are you ok?" she seemed concerned as I shook my head.

"Don't want mommy sick. Don't want her mad at me." I didn't know what I was saying anymore, but I was so hurt that my own mother seemed to hate me. I thought that maybe, just maybe, medicine would make it all go away.

"Oh dear," the girl whispered. "Hunny, does, does your mommy ever hit you?" She asked in a hushed tone, and I slowly shook my head. "What about your daddy?"

"No, daddy loves me, and helps me when mommy's owwie gets worse." I sniffled loudly.

"What kind of owwy is it?" She asked as I thought.

"Here." I pointed to my head.

"Ok, where are they? Are they in the store?" She asked, but I shook my head.

"Home. Mommy was mad, so I couldn't get food. Daddy told me to go get food but I wanted to get mommy medicine." I gave the lady the bill in my pocket.

"Sweetheart, I don't know what kind of medicine your mommy needs." She frowned before I started crying, sobbing in the store, hating how hopeless it all seemed.

"Oh, shh, shh, shh, don't cry!" She hugged me as I tried to calm myself down.

"Please? She needs medicine. I don't want her sick anymore." I begged.

"Can I get some help here!" She shouted and when I looked at her, her own eyes were watering. "I'm so sorry sweetie. Don't worry, your mommy will be fine, ok?" She smiled at me, but I still didn't understand any of it.

"What's wrong?" A co-worker ran up to her.

"Oh, he uh, he started crying but it's just too much. He's so cute, I, I almost started crying too." She stood up and shared as I looked up at both of them in confusion.

"Where are his parents?"

"He's here alone."

"Alone? Son, do you know how to get home?" The male coworker asked.

"Yeah." I said quietly.

"We can't just let him go all alone," The girl whispered harshly.

"What do you propose we do?" The guy asked.

"Cover the rest of my shift, I'll walk him home." She took off her apron and took my hand.

"What's your name?" She asked as we walked out of the store, hand in hand.

"Zexion."

"Zexion? I'm Rhinoa." She smiled sweetly.

"Nice to meet you." I said politely.

"It's nice to meet you too. Here's your munny back. Are you still hungry?" She asked and I nodded. Rhinoa bought me a hamburger and we ate quietly before she continued to walk me home.

"You said it's close?" She asked and I nodded. I only lived five minutes away from the hamburger joint, and when we reached the door, I thanked her.

"Of course sweetie. Are your parents home?" She asked curiously and I tried opening the door, but it was locked.

She rang the doorbell, which I never would have done, but we stood waiting for a whole minute before my dad opened the door.

"Zexoin? Who," He looked at Rhinoa.

"Hi, I'm Rhinoa. He walked into the drug store I work at, asking for medicine so I, I just couldn't let this little boy walk home alone. Sorry for intruding." She remained as kind as ever.

"Oh, um, thank you. Yeah uh, his mom is sick, but she's getting better." My dad nodded me inside.

"Thank you Rhinoa." I hugged her.

"You are welcome sweetie." She held me tight before I stood by my dad's leg. "Look, I, I know I have no right but, he seems really troubled." Rhinoa frowned.

"He's fine." My dad said bluntly.

"He was crying about his mother being mad at him." She wouldn't give up.

"He's easily frightened, but I assure you, he's not in any danger." My dad put a hand around me.

"I just wanted to be sure." She said and my dad nodded, both of them talking like I wasn't there.

"I appreciate your concern." My dad said.

"Ok, well, you take care Zexion." Rhinoa waved before she left, and I waved back as well. My dad shut the door, locked it, and sighed.

"What did you do?" he seemed frustrated, yet more tired.

"Wanted to get mommy medicine." I could tell I was in trouble.

"Dammit Zexion I told you the doctors don't know what's wrong with her!" My dad yelled. He hardly ever got mad at me, and even at that age, I could tell it wasn't me, but the situations, that he was really mad at.

"I sorry." I held my hands together under my chin.

"What's wrong with me?!" My mother came downstairs, having heard his comment.

"Shit, good job Zexion! I just had her calm and now, now it's starting all over again." I could tell my dad wanted to blame me, but even after all the shit my mom put him through, he was kind enough not to.

"It's my fault, isn't it?" I guessed.

"Isn't it always?" My mother scoffed.

"Leave the kid alone. Your screaming scared him and someone came to the door asking if we abuse him." My dad informed him, and my mother looked at me as if she were going to kill me.

"What the fuck did you do you little brat?!"

"It's not his fault you yell at him." My dad rolled his eyes. "Just leave our son alone." My dad repeated.

"He's hardly my son, and not worth my time." My mother flipped me off before she went into her room.

"I'm sorry daddy, I just,"

"Shh, be quiet Zexion." My father rubbed his temples. "Don't go back to that store, you understand?" He asked and I nodded, despite my unwillingness to do so. I liked Rhinoa, and I wanted to find the medicine, no matter what. But even more so, I wanted my dad happy, because at least when my mom was angry, I had him. "No more telling people that mommy is sick, ok?" he asked again and I nodded.

"Did you eat?" I nodded. "You're full?" I nodded again. "Good. Go to bed. Brush your teeth." My dad walked past me and up the stairs, into his bedroom to join my mother.

I obeyed and tucked myself in bed with my teddy bear that my grandmother gave me when I was just a baby. I held it close as I laid there with dripping eyes, listening to my parents yell at each other from the other side of the wall.

"Shh, it's ok . Mommy will get better. I'll find her medicine." I squeezed him extra tight and fell asleep.

When I finished translating my memory to Aerith, I realized just how heavy my heart felt. I could literally recognize its weight inside of my chest as I took slow deep breaths on her couch.

"That was when you were six?" She asked to clarify, and I nodded. "Your father passed away when you were seven?" She asked again and I nodded.

"Was only a few months later." I answered.

"It must have been so rough when he left," She whispered, as if she were talking to herself, but I nodded as I wiped my eyes, which were silently leaking.

"Knew he loved me, but said he couldn't wait for her to get better. Said her medicine didn't exist." I thought back to the last real conversation I had with my father.

"Told him I was looking. He, he asked me to try once more, at a store far away. Wanted to obey, so I ran, but when I got back with no medicine, he, he was gone." I closed my eyes, remembering the image of walking home to see my father's body, hanging from his bedroom ceiling.

"What did you do when you found him?" Aerith asked curiously.

"Mom was gone, so I got Rhinoa. Mom went to rehab, I went with aunt, never saw Rhinoa again. Never saw daddy again. He left me." I looked to Aerith, who hugged me loosely.

"Shhh, it's ok Zexion. Look how far you've come, all on your own, on your own strength." She encouraged me, rubbing my back.

"I miss him. Wish I had him, to help me when I wasn't strong enough." I sniffled.

"I'm sure he's proud of you." Aerith smiled at me as I nodded.

"Thanks."

"Why don't you take a nice warm bath, relax, and I'll make a hot dinner. I already have a cake in the over." She smiled real big, and I appreciated her attempt to cheer me up, so I nodded.

"Kay."

I went into the bathroom, drew a bath, stripped, and sat in the tub, sniffling to myself as more memories plagued my mind. I tried to ignore them, but they were so close in my brain that it hurt to think about. It hurt so badly. It always hurt. Why did it have to hurt?

I knew that what I was doing was stupid. I knew I needed to call Demyx for help, but I was in the bathtub for goodness sake, naked and soaking wet. Those excuses were enough for me as I bit down on one wrist and used the other hand to hold the razor blade that sliced my thigh. I cried through closed eyes as the blood mixed with the bath water, stinging lightly with the soap and tears.

"I'm sorry daddy. Sorry I couldn't find the medicine." I gulped quietly, looking down at my thigh. "I'm sorry Demy." I did my best to clean up the mess, and after Aerith compensated for my sorrow with a delicious and peppy dinner, I fell asleep in my bed, wishing I at least still had that damn teddy bear.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note:<strong> Talk about a heavy chapter. I'm in a really weird mood, which I notice is a trend after working on this story, because its pretty heavy and writing it from Zexion's POV sucks energy out of me lol. Anyway, life in Tokyo is good! Got a guy I was interested in to ask me on a date, but he doesn't speak English so it was a bit challenging, but we still both had a good time and he mentioned going out again sometime in the future, so I have incentive to pay attention in Japanese class lol. I'm really tired cause classes are hard and tests are ridiculous, but I really want to make the most of being here, which is why I haven't been writing much lately. So thank you all for the patience!

**SUPER WEIRD REQUEST:** So**I have a tattoo** (most of you probably didn't know, but yes, I do, no, not new) and it's the words **LIVING LEGACY** from**FINAL FANTASY Crisis Core/Advent Children**, on my ribs, under my heart. The point of me sharing this is**: I want to add to it**, something final fantasy, zack fair and cloud strife related. I have personal reasons for why I have this tattooed, but that's too personal, which just makes the reason all the more obvious. Anyway, I don't know exactly what I want to put around it, but I'm looking for ideas. **Any FF fans out there** that have any ideas? Feel free to PM or comment! THANK YOU!

To Killerpanda: Haha glad you liked the penguin! And the lemon too! The phone call was so much fun to write, so again, happy to hear you liked that. Best of luck to Axel and Roxas!

To luckycat222: Lol, who doesn't love a good lemon? I hope mine was decent, believe it or not, I don't like writing lemons. I can write them in public, in class, or alone, but I'm always afraid it'll sound weird or something will be off. Thanks for the support lol

To kindofabadger: Thanks! It means a lot to hear that. Haha, yay, I'm glad it was worth the wait, I'm sure it was for Zexion as well. Haha, oh yeah, Axel would totally be that kind of friend over the phone talking about lube.

To xSonya: Hahaha, yes, who doesn't love Axel, and I'm so happy to hear that you liked the last chapter/lemon. Thank you so much for the review and the support! They both mean a lot!

To T3CHN0 C4T: YAY, thank you! So glad that you liked the lemon ^_^ Abs are hot, Demyx's abs just happen to be the hottest lol. Oh, I'm totally Dem-seme, all the way. I get the same feeling about his age, and with his height, I don't know, he just screams sexy shy yet somehow masculine seme to me. Glad to hear you agree. Poor Axel, interrupting sexy lemons cause Roxas is mad at him *frowns*. Oh no, I hope your illness heals soon, if it hasn't already!

To Jenny-Xenj-Harris: Hahaha, yeah, longest wait for a lemon ever I know lol. Thank you! Glad to hear you liked it.

To ZeltaFrost: Yay for the cuteness, boo for the angry Axel (which is more angry Roxas). No, I'm not sad. Whenever I'm bothered, it never lasts long because I realize nothing is worth the energy of staying upset. There are things that cant be helped, so I don't bother getting sad over those, and for things that can be helped, just got to try to learn from them.

To Red-Travels-The-Furthest: Haha, I like realism, so I'm glad that you caught that, and yes, Axel is too clever for his own good, to embarrass Zexy like that. I am a firm "Demyx seme" believe in this pair, so I went with it cause it just makes sense to me lol. Yeah, the grading system here is so ridiculous. One little particle wrong, and the entire sentence is marked as incorrect. No partial points for anything. Its ok, funny thing is, after my friend told me we couldn't be friends anymore and I was fighting the urge to curl up and fall asleep in daylight, a guy I crushed on when I first came to japan texted, asking me out on a date! It was fun, although challenging because he doesn't speak ANY English, and I only know 3 months worth of Japanese, but still a good ….lemony time . haha, tmi much? Sorry, I find it ironic that the same week I post Zexion's 1st lemon, I have mine . ok way overboard on the TMI, I'm going to move along lol. OhMGee, the same thing happened to me! Except, I got dumped! My ex gf dumped me casue apparently she was never bi to begin with, but wanted to try it out -_- nearly ruined our friendship, took almost a year to recover it to where it is now. But yeah, it still hurts every now and then, what happened. But I'm a 'look the future' type of person, so I try to stay positive and it pays off =) Thanks for the support and love!

To FenrirDarkWolf: Haha, yay for amazingly sexy! Thanks for the review!

To Pretty-Devil-in-Prada: lol, I love the 'and it came' pun, nice one! Hahaha, I feel like I should apologize for making it so long and dirty, but I guess that's the point of a lemon, so, sorry/you're welcome? Lol. Sadly I've been so busy I haven't even been able to work on this story, but don't fret, I will try to work on Get Addicted ASAP! If you want a plot/ outline, you should PM me which will remind me to send it to you lol, sorry for the inconvenience!

To RoxasVentusHikari: Aww, thank you! And you are welcome!

To FromSoraXWithLove: Thanks, glad you liked it! Dawww, you are far too kind! I'm so happy to hear that you liked my lemon, and you seriously are making me blush! Your compliments are undeserved, and I appreciate all of your sweet words and support!

**Thank you all for following this long story! I truly appreciate all of the love I've been getting in reviews, PM's, and from the notifications of those following/favoriting.**

**With love, Living Legacy, Sarabellum**


	39. Until He Felt Something

I woke up the next day, feeling really guilty about my thigh. I intended to call Demyx last night, I really did, but I fell asleep before I got the chance. So I got ready for school, and when I made it early with Aerith, I texted Axel, asking him how his talk with Roxas went.

I never got a response, but the redhead showed up to school twenty minutes early to talk to me.

"It got worse." Axel confessed as we waited in the library with Aerith's permission.

"I sorry." I felt responsible since the whole talk was my idea.

"It's not your fault. You were right, we needed to listen to each other. What we didn't realize, was that what we had to share wasn't what the other wanted to hear. I, I thought it was going good, but then Roxas flipped out of nowhere, and now he wont talk to me." Axel sighed, so I bit my lip.

"You two still together, right?" I asked and when Axel turned to face me, he gave me a nervous smile.

"I don't even know." He shook his head before he sighed loudly.

I didn't know what to say, so I put an arm around him, hoping it would be enough. Axel gave me a small smile as he rested his crazy red hair on my shoulder.

"Thanks buddy." He closed his eyes and I smiled back, even though he couldn't see it. We sat there for no more than two minutes when Roxas walked into the library, with just fifteen minutes until class.

"Axel?" Roxas stood in front of us, causing Axel to open his eyes in surprise.

"Hey, what are you doing here?"

"I can ask you the same question." Roxas gulped, looking nervous.

"I was texting Zexion, and I needed someone to talk to."

"To talk shit about me?" Roxas looked hurt.

"Baby you know I love you." Axel almost looked like he was in pain, trying to convince his own boyfriend of his love.

"Whatever Axe, I don't want to talk about this anymore." Roxas sighed.

"So why did you come here then?" Axel seemed as confused as ever.

"Because I wanted to see if maybe we could make this work, but now that I'm here," Roxas stopped, as if he were thinking and wondering deep beneath his scared blue eyes.

"What?" Axel waited for him to finish. Roxas sat down at our table and in a low whisper, he leaned forward.

"I think we should take a break." He said, avoiding Axel's eyes at all costs.

"No." Axel whispered back, his voice stern and resolute.

"Excuse me?" Roxas looked up in shock.

"I don't do the whole 'break' bull shit. Either we're dating, or we're not. If you don't want to be my boyfriend, then just dump me." Axel said, his eyes already misting as Roxas looked away, swallowing hard as he nodded in thought.

"Ok," He mouthed, barely audible.

I sat there, trying not to intrude in their relationship, but the tension was unbearable and I was hurting so badly just by feeling their hurt, their pain. Axel was jittering his leg, nervously; Roxas was looking at his trembling fingers, and I continued to glance back and forth, hoping that someone would end the misery that lingered.

"So?" Axel asked, waiting on edge to find out his status.

"It's over." Roxas whispered, looking at his folded hands as they shook on the table. I felt my breathing pause as I wondered if I had heard correctly.

"Ok." Axel nodded, and I couldn't help but stare at him in bewilderment. He took a deep breath inward before he grabbed his backpack and left the library as quickly as ever.

Roxas was quiet and I didn't know what to do or say. I wanted to be on Axel's side, because I hated the idea of these two not dating. It all seemed so random, how they went from being perfect, to now, being single. I didn't understand. When did things go wrong? What happened? I looked up at Roxas, who finally made eye contact with me when I realized that he was silently crying.

"Roxy?" I asked, but he stood up and rushed out of the library. With nothing better to do, I followed after him, and as soon as we both cleared the building, I hugged him. "It's ok." I said, wishing I had half of the skill that Axel had to encourage people.

"What did I do?" Roxas asked through sniffles as I held his head on my shoulder. Even though I'm a year younger, I'm still a few inches taller than Roxas, so it was a pretty comfortable fit as I rubbed his back and swayed lightly from side to side.

"You miss him?" I asked, still a bit confused.

"I love him Zex."

"So, why you dump him?" I had to ask.

"Because I'm scared."

* * *

><p>I gulped as I continued to hold my close friend, trying to figure out where he was coming from.<p>

"He tried out for Radiant Garden's baseball team, and, and they want him. Badly. They offered him a full ride, and I know he's going to take it. I mean, he should take it. Twilight Town's baseball team isn't half as good as Radiant Garden's team, and a full scholarship? That's a once in a lifetime opportunity. He shouldn't stay here just because I'm here. I just," Roxas took a deep breath. "I'm going to miss him too much."

"Roxy, you still going to miss him, even if you not date him." I pointed out as I kissed his temple, since it usually calmed me down when Demyx did it to me.

"But if we're together it'll sting twice as bad."

"Still going to love him." I bit my lip, hoping I wasn't making it all worse somehow.

"It's just so far. Six hours, not to mention he'll be busy training and traveling for games."

"When he plays Twilight Town, we can watch." I smiled to encourage him. I too applied for Twilight Town University with Aerith's help, and with my grades and testing scores, I knew I'd be accepted.

"But he's going to get more muscular and he'll be getting hit on by college girls with boobs and hotter guys who are just as tall and muscular as he is. I can't compete with that Zex. What if he finds someone better? Dumping him is hard enough, but being replaced and watching him love someone better than I'll ever be is just too painful to think about." Roxas pouted as I thought of what to say.

"Axe loves you. You know that. Won't replace you."

"How can you be so sure? It happens to couples all the time, especially during college." Roxas said hopelessly.

"Love is risk Roxy. Isn't Axe worth it?" I asked, hoping I had a point.

"You, you're right. God what was I thinking?" Roxas put his face in his hands.

"Shh, it's ok. You tell him you scared. Axe will understand. He's a good guy." I smiled and Roxas nodded.

"Yeah, he's amazing." Roxas smiled back, proving that what they both had was more than just a college distance break up. The bell rang and we each went to class, but to our disappointment, Axel never showed up. When lunch time came, we assumed that he went home.

"Dem, I know you're his best friend. Did, did he text you?" Roxas asked as my boyfriend nodded slowly.

"Yeah, this morning. He said he was cutting class, because he got dumped and didn't feel good." Demyx said shyly.

"Damn. He won't answer my calls, or my texts either." Roxas sulked on our lunch table.

"I asked him if he was alright, and he said he just wanted to stay home and sleep." Demyx shrugged, so Roxas nodded.

"Well, I hope he's ok." Roxas sighed. After a boring rest of the day without the lively redhead, I got Aerith's permission to go visit Axel. Demyx had swim practice, and Roxas mentioned something about being grounded and needing to go home, so I figured some alone time with Axel might be what he and I both needed.

I knocked on his front door, a bit nervous, because I didn't know what to expect. Like the dumbass I am, I didn't have a plan. I had no idea what I was going to say or do if he answered, or even if he didn't answer. I knocked once again, and when the door opened, I gulped.

"Hey." Axel let me in and I entered the house and followed him silently to his backyard, where he had a pile of empty beer bottles and a pack of cigarettes.

"You ok?" I asked after we both sat down on a swinging bench.

"Dandy." He said sarcastically as he lit a new cigarette.

"Axe, don't." I begged, not liking the image of him hurting and showing it so easily. The Axel I knew was optimistic and a fighter, not an alcoholic who smoked.

"We all have our coping methods." He said, knowing very well that I couldn't argue against that.

"You want to talk?" I asked, hoping he'd say yes just to end the silence.

"Not really." He sighed, closing his eyes.

"Rox wants you back." I said, not caring if the blonde wanted to be the one to say it himself. It was awkward as hell and seeing Axel so depressed made me want to start drinking and smoking too.

"I know. He texted me and left voicemails." Axel blew out some smoke.

"So, you not take him back?" I asked, confused.

"Because I'm still so fucking confused! I asked what went wrong, I asked what I did that made him so randomly change his mind, but he never answered. It's like he doesn't even know." Axel shook his head. "Do you know why he dumped me?" Axel asked, and I nodded.

"College."

"That doesn't make any fucking sense!" Axel put a hand to his head.

"Roxy said he scared, cause you going to Radiant Garden."

"I never said I was going, I just got a scholarship offer." Axel looked confused.

"Rox wants you to go, cause its big accomplishment. Going to miss you though." I said as Axel sighed.

"He tried to make it seem like he was dumping me because I smoke; because of my parents." Axel scoffed, his voice angry, but his eyes so full of hurt.

"You parents?" I asked, still not following.

"My dad has been giving me all of this alcohol, and my mom is a heavy smoker. Roxas doesn't think it's a healthy combination, so he keeps trying to preach to me. He said my parents aren't a good influence for me and it would be best if I didn't even talk to my mom or dad. Well what Roxas didn't know is that I don't talk to them." Axel gripped his beer bottle tightly. "My dad hates me. And my mom, my mom is only still married to my dad because the bitch is too lazy to pay and file for a divorce. I haven't seen either of them in over half a year, and the last time I did see them, they argued for an hour before my mom took off. Their old room is practically empty, with the exception of the bed that my mom used to use. She doesn't have one article of clothing here. My dad comes by every few months to restock the fridge with beer and to dump off enough munny to keep me quiet. He thinks he can just give me munny to make up for being a shitty father, but he doesn't even try to talk to me, or leave a note or anything." Axel scoffed, looking down into his bottle. "I think he wants me to be an alcoholic. I think he wanted to ruin my life, to see me fall like he did." Axel gulped before he looked up at me.

I took my thoughts back, wishing he had never opened his mouth. Now that he had shared something so deep and personal, I didn't know what to say. Here I thought Demyx and I were the only ones with rough parent problems, but it looked like Axel never had it easy either.

"You not falling, Axe." I tried to smile.

"Thanks Zex." Axel gave a cheap smile back but I saw through it.

"Mean it Axe. You so thoughtful. Best friend I have. Role model." I rested on his shoulder.

"What kind of role model does this?" Axel asked, lifting up his beer in one hand and his cigarette in the other. "I'm lucky to have a friend like you Zex, honestly." I shook my head.

"Not a good friend."

"What do you mean? Of course you are." Axel rested his head on mine as I gulped.

"Not yet."

"Yet?" He asked curiously before I snatched his cigarette and threw it on the ground, smashing it with my shoe against the grass. "What the?" He started, but I surprised him once again as I knocked his beer bottle out of his hand.

"Now I good friend." I stood up, my throat swelling up as I started to sweat. It was a risky, and potentially even stupid move but I felt like it had to be done. I didn't know how much he had to drink by then, I didn't know if he would yell or even try to hit me, but I stood firm as I stared down at him, all while he looked to me in a horrified shock. He's much taller than I am, and it wouldn't be hard for him as an athlete to beat me up, but I gulped in a shitty confidence that he'd understand.

"I seriously can't believe that you would," Axel stood up, peering down at me, hands on hips. "You little," He shook his head as I gulped, bracing for any type of physical or emotional impact. "You really are the best friend ever." Axel laughed as I broke a small smile.

Axel hugged me close before he whispered in my ear. "Demyx will be so proud of you." He rubbed my back as I held him tightly.

"Just trying to help." I admitted shyly.

"Thanks. I, I needed it. I don't know where my head is today. I'm just so hurt and angry, you know?" Axel asked, sitting back down, so I joined him.

"Maybe you need Roxas?" I suggested.

"Maybe." He shrugged. "I'm still mad at him though."

"For ending it?"

"No, for having perfect parents." Axel crossed his arms grumpily.

"Axe," I started, but he nodded.

"I know, it's childish and immature, but I hate how he tries to lecture me on it when he doesn't know where I'm coming from."

"Makes sense. Can't punish him for it though."

"Yeah, guess you're right. Damn Zex, you're like, the psychologist now aren't you?" Axel smiled as I shrugged.

"Wish I could help like you help me." I admitted shyly.

"You're amazing Zex, don't doubt yourself. Anyway, I wonder, if he really dumped me over Radiant Garden, why did he bring up the smoking?" Axel asked.

"Probably didn't want to burden you. Wants to support you. But it's scary for him." I shrugged.

"Well I guess I should call him to straighten this out." Axel pulled out his phone, turned it on, and dialed Roxas' number. "Come on Rox, answer." Axel sighed before he went to voicemail. "Rox, look, I, I know I shouldn't have isolated myself today, but I really need to talk to you. I, I can't let you go Rox. I love you too damn much." Axel nearly smiled. "Please call me back," He said before he hung up.

"He'll call." I said reassuringly, hoping I'd be right. When twenty minutes passed, Axel was losing faith.

"Thanks for staying here with me, it means a lot." Axel said as we sat in his living room, watching TV.

"No problem," I said when the doorbell rang.

"Roxas?" Axel opened the door, stunned, yet clearly happy.

"You wanted to talk?" The blonde asked.

"I, I want to apologize. Rox this is stupid. I mean, we both belong together, it's so obvious, I, I could never love another like I love you."

"How do you know? How do you know you won't fall in love with someone else?"

"Rox, you have to trust me if we want to make this work?"

"This? What is 'this'? We aren't even dating!" Roxas put a hand to his head.

"I want to change that." Axel pouted.

"I, I don't know Axe." Roxas sighed.

"I thought you wanted me back too?" Axel looked confused and hurt by it.

"I did, I do, I don't know." Roxas shook his head.

"Rox, I can't take this anymore." Axel put a hand over his heart, tugging at his shirt.

"Well what do you want me to do? Huh?" Roxas asked in frustration.

"I, I want you to love me baby," Axel reached for Roxas, who shook his head.

"I do, but it hurts." Roxas' eyes watered.

"How can I stop it from hurting?" Axel asked, sounding sincere about it.

"I, I don't know. I just want it to stop Axe." Roxas let a tear drip out.

"Ok, let me help you. Let me hold you." Axel reached for Roxas, but Roxas backed up into the door.

"I'm still so confused."

"Why?" Axel seemed frustrated that he couldn't understand.

"Cause, all I wanted was for you to care about our relationship, but everything was a joke to you. Now, now you care but it's too late." Roxas sniffled.

"Rox, I always cared. I always will care. I'm sorry if I didn't show it the way you deserved to see it. It's not too late, just give us another chance."

"Us?" Roxas asked, as if he were considering it in his head.

"Us." Axel smiled. "How it's supposed to be."

"Axe?" Roxas asked, his eyes searching back and forth in no real direction, as if his thoughts were heavy.

"Baby, Roxy, baby you know I love you!" Axel was frowning as he tried to get Roxas to see what he clearly believed.

"Everything was a joke, a laugh! You were always making such dirty jokes." Roxas sniffled.

"You were the one who initiated every time we made love!" Axel put a hand to his head. "Even when the relationship started, it was you who wanted to do it for the first time, and it was you who wanted me to be rough and who liked the whole domination fetish!" Axel started sharing personal information as I gulped.

"Yeah, I had to initiate every time cause you never did!" Roxas shouted back.

"It's not like I never wanted to, it's that you always did it yourself." Axel scoffed.

"So now you're saying I'm a whore?" Roxas asked, offended.

"Rox, stop! God why are we yelling?" Axel buried his face in his hands.

"Just face it Axe, we tried, we failed." Roxas turned for the door, and despite my expectations, Axel just watched as the blonde left.

"Axe?" I whispered after a full deathly silent minute passed.

"It's late. Did you just want to stay the night?" Axel was quick to show that he didn't want to address his exboyfriend.

"Sure." I called Aerith, got permission, and watched TV on the couch.

"Did you want to sleep in Demyx's bed? Or did you want to fall asleep to a movie out here?" Axel didn't seem to care, so I shrugged.

"Out here." We set up blankets and pillows on the floor and got cozy, side by side.

"Night," Axel rolled over as the movie began.

"Night Axe." I held him from behind, wanting to comfort him the way he had always helped me.

The next week was as awkward as it could get. Roxas and Axel saw each other in several classes, but they never once even looked at each other. Naturally I stuck by Demyx, who stuck by Axel, so I felt sorry for abandoning Roxas. He was never alone though, since he was hanging around these two guys and some girl that he used to hang out with before he and Axel ever started dating. Still, it was weird to see him and not have him on Axel's hip. He always smiled poorly at me, or waved at me, but only when Axel wasn't around or wasn't looking.

I always meant to tell Demyx about my thigh, but the timing was never right. Demyx and I were getting along so perfectly, I didn't want to ruin it. We had no fights, no mishaps, no misunderstandings. We were spending all day at school together and sometimes grabbing some food after, enjoying our relationship the way it was meant to be. The only thing missing, was the relationship that I knew Axel and Roxas were meant to have.

While Axel continued to train with the baseball team at our school, I continued to fail at the guitar, and Demyx continued to have swim practice. When Demyx had his first swim meet in about two and a half weeks, I was quick to confirm my plans to watch, even though Axel had to decline due to his own baseball practice.

Honestly, I just went to make sure that Xigbar stayed away from my boyfriend, but when I sat down on the bleachers just before the first race began, I saw Roxas there.

"Hey," I switched seats and moved to where he was sitting, alone with a pen and paper.

"Hey Zex." He said quietly.

"What you writing?" I asked curiously.

"Still working on that book." He groaned, as if he were annoyed with its progress.

"Oh, cool." I smiled.

"Yeah." He shrugged, cheering up a bit. "So, you excited to see him race?" Roxas asked and I nodded.

"Hope he wins." I crossed my fingers.

"I'm sure he will; he's a great swimmer." Roxas smiled at me.

"How've you been?" I asked, really missing his company. Roxas was usually the more quiet amongst us, but he was always a part of our family.

"Not too bad. Busy. But I'm doing alright. How are you and Demyx doing?"

"Good. No fights." I smiled happily.

"Hey, that's great!" Roxas smiled big, making me feel accomplished. "You two still getting it on?" he asked with a wink as I blushed.

"Just a couple times since, but just oral." I gulped as I whispered.

"I see. You two are adorable." He chuckled.

"Like you and Axel," I knew I shouldn't have said it, but I couldn't help it. Roxas sighed.

"I hate how it has to be, but it's easier this way." Roxas nodded his head.

"What way?" I didn't understand. Hell, I didn't want to understand. I wanted to see them back together again. Somehow, they were the hope I needed for me and Demyx.

"I told you Zex; I can't lose him when he goes to Radiant Garden. I know it doesn't make much sense, but it does to me. If he hates me, well, then I won't be tempted to miss him as badly. I, I thought maybe it'd work, but with the distance, it just isn't possible. Realistically, we needed to face facts and grow up; stop wasting each other's time and just move on. He'll find someone better; someone who he deserves." Roxas said quietly as I shook my head.

"That's you Roxy." I wanted to bang it into his thick skull. I saw his point, but I hated it.

"Zex, you don't understand." Roxas sighed.

"Yeah, I do." I argued. "All the time, think that Demy could date whoever. He's hot, smart, funny. Demy could cheat, with Xiggy. Demy could date anyone. But Demy want's me. And I want Demy. So why would I lose him?"

"I'm already losing Axel. He's going to be six hours away, at a college full of smarter, hotter athletes and people who he could easily replace me with." Roxas looked down at his paper.

"He willing make it work. Means he loves you." I explained.

"I know. I love him, so much, it hurts," Roxas continued to stare into his lap. "God it hurts," Roxas clenched his shirt over his heart. "That's why I needed to get him angry at me, when I last saw him at his house. I, I need him to hate me, so that it doesn't sting as badly." Roxas' eyes watered just as the starters horn blew for Demyx's race.

We watched and cheered Demyx on as he got second, behind Xigbar of all people, but since our school beat the other, Demyx was still content. To my surprise, Xigbar kept his hands off of Demyx for the entire meet, only giving him one high five when the entire team won their relay race. Roxas and I silently yet mutually agreed to drop our previous conversation and focus on the races, and when that ended, Demyx signaled for me to wait while he and his team finished up their after-meet talks and his brief shower.

"We should go eat," I suggested.

"Yeah, I could use some food." Roxas rubbed his stomach.

"Demy always hungry after swimming." I smiled.

"Zex?" Roxas asked, keeping his voice low even though the indoor pool area was clearing out as people left.

"Yeah?" I wondered what he wanted to address.

"I change my mind," Roxas gulped.

"You not hungry?" I asked.

"No, I mean yes I am, I mean," Roxas sighed. "I want my boyfriend back." His eyes watered.

"Come on!" I snatched his wrist, stood up, and ran out of the indoor pool.

"Where are we…, what about Demyx?" Roxas asked, so I slowed down to text Demyx.

"Ok, let's go!" I rushed again and started running as Roxas chased after me with not much else to do.

"What are we," Roxas stopped short when we maintained a walking pace by the baseball field.

"We wait here," I sat down on the empty bleachers as we watched the baseball team finish up their practice. Axel didn't notice us until it was over and he followed other teammates out of the dugout.

"Axel!" I waved him over. He was wearing workout shorts that made his lean legs look really nice, especially in his black T-shirt with small liquid traces of a hard workout.

"Hey, what's going on?" he asked, looking at me and Roxas loosely.

I nudged Roxas' arm.

"I uh, I wanted to talk to you," Roxas whispered with a gulp.

"Ok. This isn't going to be like the last time, where you both started and ended the conversation on me, is it?" Axel seemed vulnerable, and scared.

"No," Roxas shook his head.

Axel nodded, let out a sigh, and sat down next to us.

"I can leave," I offered.

"It won't take long," Roxas shook his head.

"What's on your mind?" Axel asked.

"We, uh we are going to go eat. Want to join us?" Roxas was clearly getting nervous and second guessing himself.

"When? Right now?" Axel asked and Roxas nodded.

"When Demyx is done showering."

"Alright, I need to shower too. I'll meet you guys at the diner, assuming that's where you guys are going?" Axel knew us all too well, since that's where we always met up whenever we decided to grab food.

"Mhm." I nodded.

"Anything else?" Axel looked to Roxas, who bit his lip, then shook his head.

"Thanks, for coming." Roxas smiled.

"Thanks for inviting me." Axel said back before he stood up and left to shower. Roxas watched as he walked away, then sniffled.

"Roxy," I moved to hug him.

"I don't know why, but I'm so scared." Roxas rested on my shoulder, closing his eyes.

"Just remember, Axe loves you. Have dinner, show him you care." I smiled as I tried to give relationship advice, as if I were qualified for such a thing.

"Thanks Zex. I owe you!" Roxas hugged me tightly before we headed back to meet Demyx by the pool and then walked to the dinner.

We were just about to order when Axel joined us, sitting next to Roxas since we intentionally left him no other choice.

"You, you smell really good." Demyx sniffed Axel's cologne from across the table.

"Thanks," Axel picked up a menu, scanning it over quickly. Roxas looked at Axel, but said nothing as the redhead kept his eyes at the food selection before him. We all ordered and waited patiently, discussing Demyx's meet before Roxas coughed.

"I have to use the restroom." He whispered, since Axel had him trapped inside the booth.

Axel nodded, got up, let the blonde go, and sat back down as I watched Roxas leave to the bathroom.

"So," Axel let out a huge sigh.

"He loves you Axe," I hated seeing them like this.

"He's the one who dumped me, and turned down my offer to get back together." Axel looked at his milkshake.

"Cause he's scared!" I tried to defend poor Roxas. I knew it was Roxas' fault that they weren't together, but I understood where he was coming from. It's hard to feel good enough when you're dating someone you feel can do better, or could easily replace you. It isn't that Roxas isn't that good a guy, it's that he see's Axel as perfection. It's the way we all want to see our partners, I guess.

"Scared of what?" Axel scoffed.

"Being replaced. Loves you Axe." I repeated.

"I think you both just need to hug it out." Demyx shrugged as I nodded

"I think," Axel started but stopped just as Roxas returned.

"Sorry," Roxas apologized politely as he forced Axel to stand up again to let him back in the booth.

"You guys, I want to watch a movie after this. Axe, that ok?" Demyx asked and Axel nodded, knowing that Demyx I and wouldn't let it rest.

"Yeah, you guys all down?" Axel remained broad.

"Mhm!" I nodded with enthusiasm. Roxas remained silent.

"Rox?" Axel asked after Demyx stared at him long enough.

"Ok. Thanks." Roxas' voice was quiet.

We got our food, ate, and left in Axel's car. Roxas and I sat in the back while Demyx took shotgun, and the ride was so silent, the tension was making me sick.

"So," Demyx tried to start a topic but it soon died.

"This is stupid." I muttered from the backseat.

"What is?" Demyx turned around.

"…Nothing." I pouted as I stared at Axel, who rolled his eyes at me in the rear view mirror. Demyx got out his phone, wrote a text, shut his phone, and then ten seconds later, Axel's phone vibrated. The redhead checked it at a redlight, shut his phone, and continued driving. By the time we were halfway there, we had all accepted the horrible silence, although it didn't make it any more tolerable.

When we got to the driveway, I quickly undid my seatbelt and hopped out of the car.

We all entered the house, the uncomfortable tension following us as we stood in the living room.

"Alright," Axel huffed, as if he knew he had some sort of control over the awkwardness that existed.

"Hm?" Demyx asked.

"Well we might as well address the elephant in the room so it doesn't keep lingering like this." Axel suggested, so I nodded along.

"Ok," Demyx shrugged.

"Look, Rox, I feel like there's so much I want to say but I don't even know how, so I think I should just," Axel rubbed the back of his neck.

"I'm going to miss you Axe. I know that you're committed to this relationship, but I'm scared. If, if I can't have that same drive that you do, to continue being your boyfriend, then you deserve someone better." Roxas shrugged.

"Rox, don't say that," Axel shook his head, not wanting to believe what he was hearing as none of us in the room did.

"Axel I'm so sorry," Roxas started, but couldn't get another word out as Axel went in for a kiss. Roxas stood there for a brief second before he took a step back, his eyes crying. When I realized that Axel's eyes were watering too, Roxas shook his head. "I'm sorry Axe."

"Rox, why?" Axel was biting his lip, in clear distress over the break up.

"It's just easier this way." Roxas looked down at his shoes.

"Rox, giving up is always easiest. But we have to keep fighting." Axel pounded his fist against his own chest to show his determination.

"I can't Axe. I don't have any fight left in me." Roxas looked so helpless, I couldn't help but frown. I, I knew where he was coming from. It's how I felt with my leg. It's how I felt with everything. The scar was already starting to heal on my thigh, but it was still there. I still hadn't told Demyx because I didn't want to ruin how wonderfully things were going, but I could understand what Roxas meant by feeling so depleted of energy. It's what this fucking habit was doing to me.

"Why don't we go in my room?" Demyx suggested quietly, so I nodded.

"Feel bad for them." I whispered as Demyx and I sat side by side on his bed.

"Yeah, me too. I mean, I didn't think Roxas was serious when they first broke up. I anticipated for them to get back together within the hour." Demyx scratched the back of his head.

"Demy?" I looked at him, suddenly afraid of losing him. Seeing how a relationship that I found to be so perfect get destroyed made it a reality how Demyx and I very well could suffer the same fate.

"Yeah?" Demyx looked at me curiously.

"I love you." I gulped, meaning every syllable.

"Awww, you're so cute baby!" Demyx giggled before he swooped me up into his lap. It was as if he could tell just how much I needed his encouragement. "I love you too. And we'll make it last. I'm not giving up on you, ok?" He held me as I nodded.

"I'd never give up on my Demy." I snuggled against his chest.

"Mmm, my goodboy deserves a treat, huh?" Demyx winked, which I knew right away meant oral. Like I told Roxas, we've had oral a couple times since we first made love, but we haven't had any intimate moments since I cut my thigh, and if it was just oral, I could easily slip it out through my pants without having to show him my cut.

"Y-yes please," I bit my lip.

"Hehe, come on sexy Zexy," Demyx lifted me up off of his lap.

I unzipped my pants ready, for ecstasy when Demyx started to undue the button.

"Mm!" I grunted like an unsatisfied kid.

"What's wrong?" Demyx looked at me curiously.

"Here, this easier." I started to take my junk out of my boxers when Demyx shook his head.

"But I want to see everything." He blushed. I began to hate myself. He looked so adorable and I would never want to deny him or myself the right of going as far as he'd let us, but I had to. I had to unless I stopped cutting. I knew I had to stop cold turkey, since I wanted more sex with my hot boyfriend, but can't get it if I continued this unhealthy habit.

"Tired," I winced, hoping he'd buy it.

"Oh, well, I guess we can nap, then we can do it." Demyx smiled happily as I shook my head. Shit, should I tell him? "What? Wh-why not?" Demyx looked so disappointed. Maybe, maybe I could lie again? Maybe the cut will finish healing within the week and if I can hold on long enough, he'll never be able to tell that I cut recently?

"Hurts," I tried to look like I was conflicted.

"It, it didn't feel good when we did it?" Demyx leaned close to me as he whispered.

"It did, but, hurts." I couldn't look him in the eye.

"But, we used lube, and I stretched you." Demyx looked confused as I tried to avoid eye contact.

"Demy really long." I bit my lip.

"I can only go in half way if it helps?" Demyx tried to be sensitive and that only made me feel worse. Here he was accommodating to me needs, and they were lies. I was lying to him. I hated it. I hated myself. I wanted to tell him the truth would it not scare him further away. Instead, my eyes watered.

"Baby, what's wrong?" Demyx asked, his voice worried so I shook my head as my eyes slowly leaked. No, I can't lose him. We have to prove we can last, as if it'll somehow magically help Roxas and Axel see the hope they need to get back together. "Zexy, shhh, it's ok. I, I'm sorry that I hurt you when we did it. I, I thought you liked it. I didn't know. I promise to be gentle this time, ok?" Demyx smiled at me as I sniffled. The nicer and sweeter he was, the more I truly began to despise everything about myself.

"Not that Demy," I rubbed my eyes.

"What is it?" he tilted his head curiously.

"I, I can't say," I bit my lip.

"Zexion, what's going on?" He looked so scared that the guilt increased within me.

"I love you Demy." I said, needing to say it, needing to hear it, but in my stupidity, my hand subconsciously rushed to my thigh.

"What?" Demyx asked himself in a hushed whisper as he stared at my hand. When I realized it, I drew my hand back, quick to shake my head.

"No," I started to say, but Demyx began unbuttoning my pants again. "Demy no!" I shoved at his hands, but he's much stronger and before I knew it, he was beginning to yank down my boxers. "Demy stop! Don't want sex with you! Stop it!" I screamed at him, lying, saying words I had no control over as I tried to protect my secret. To my surprise, it worked.

"Look me in the eye Zexion." Demyx gulped, his own eyes swimming in baby tears. "Tell me that that's the truth. Tell me that you don't want to have sex with me." Demyx sniffled as I sat there, a bit confused.

"I," I didn't know what to do.

"Tell me that you didn't cut yourself again!" Demyx shouted as I gulped. I saw where he was going, and it frightened me.

"Demy," I started to shake my head, unexplainably.

"Go on! Tell me that my sex sucks! Tell me dammit!" Demyx was already freaking out and he hadn't even seen my thigh yet. I knew right away that I was in deep trouble.

"You, you," I was breathing heavy, unsure if I should just tell him that since he was yelling at me to do so, or if I really had any other options.

"Go on, finish it!" Demyx ordered.

"You sex," I started to sniffle, knowing that my lies weren't worthy of his ears. He sat, waiting for me to complete the sentence as I shook my head.

"Huh? What about my sex? Does it suck? Huh?" Demyx was angry and I knew I needed to fix it.

"No Demy, I love you. Love you sex." I wanted to hug him so badly, but when he's angry, he scares me.

"Then why don't you want to do it? Tell me Zex, why?"

"Cause, cause I hate my body." I held myself, going with a new lie, hoping he'd buy it.

"What?" he seemed lost.

"Demyx has perfect body. My body broken. Scarred." I held out my arms. "Wish I was better for Demy. But I not. Ashamed." I held myself again.

"Zex, you're perfect." Demyx's eyes relaxed as did his body. He gave a painful yet encouraging smile, helping me to smile as well.

"Love you Demy. Want to be best for you." I sniffled.

"I love you so much Zex. I, I was so scared that you hurt yourself. Come here." Demyx held me against the headboard as I cuddled in his embrace. "I love you and your beautiful body, ok?" Demyx really was more than I deserved as I nodded.

"I love you so much Demy. Never want to lose you." I held onto him.

"So, do, do you still want to do it?" Demyx asked, but I bit my lip.

"Kind of want to cuddle." I tightened my grip around his waist.

"Ok, lets cuddle." Demyx stripped of his shirt and removed mine before he held me again. "Want to do some naked cuddling?" he asked with a smirk.

"Umm, cold," I shivered.

"I'll keep you warm." Demyx removed his clothes completely, and I was too distracted by his gorgeousness to oppose. When his hands reached for me, I was pulled back into reality.

"I go in boxers, to stay warm." I nodded and shed my pants.

"Naptime." Demyx was content with my state and I smiled with closed eyes, happy at how I was able to get away with my thigh without ruining my relationship. All was good as we started to make out passionately.

His hand caressed my side, making its way down with his thumb massaging my skin into relaxation.

I started to curve my body up into his, following the momentum of the kiss as he continued to slide his hand down inside my boxers along my leg. It was sexy, it was arousing, it was perfection, until he felt something.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note:<strong> And HERE is where the story picks up! I feel like I've said this a lot O.o I actually don't really remember lol. I've been working on too many stories, too many chapters, too many distractions in my life right now. For the first time ever I'm also feeling homesick which is weird. And I miss my first boyfriend even though I can't really explain why. Maybe it's the cute love songs that came onto my playlist that remind me of him. Bleh, ok, onto the story!

So here we have some not so good news with Axel and Roxas, and then to make it worse, Demyx seems to have found something that won't make him happy. Thankfully this chapter was the one that I needed to spend the most work on, which means that there are a few chapters to come that I've already finished, so updating shouldn't be too much of a problem depending on how much homework I get this week lol.

To kindofabadger: Yeah, it looks like the sadness just keeps adding up, but don't worry, things shall balance out in all sorts of ways ^_^

To Lukrecia: Awww, I'm sorry you cried! It was a pretty sad chapter. Congrats on your 5 months! That's an accomplishment, so be proud! Thanks for the review.

To LittleTrancyGirl: Oh no, it was quite sad huh? Thank you for the review.

To xSonya: Thanks for such a nice comment. Yeah, it really is such a sad story, I don't know how I came up with that one lol. Aww, thank you, it means a lot. Lol, I don't have a boyfriend at all, I wish, but I guess if I had the time for a boyfriend, I'd have more time for writing haha. Thanks again for the review, hope all is going well with you!

To Luckycat222: Yes, so much action in the last chapter, and a bit in this one as well, things really are picking up!

To StormFlight: Lol, Zexion says thank you, and hugs back hehe.

To Pretty-Devil-in-Prada: Hahaha, yes, the writing is sometimes weird, but at times its cool, so I'm glad that at least some people online can enjoy it haha.

To Cirxe145: Yeah, it doesn't seem to help how the talks with Aerith are like backwards progress, but soon enough a point will be made that explains my mentality that either way, Zexion needs to learn to overcome his past while taking responsibility for his actions. But it makes sense, what you said, so thanks for the review!

xkairiheartsXx: Hahaha, wow, I'm glad to hear that you really liked the last chapter! I hope the wait was worth it.

To genesisluv98: Thanks, I'm glad that you liked the descriptiveness of the last chapter! It means a lot to hear….read….about your opinions, connections, and enthusiasm for this story! Thank you!

To CatlinP1997: Oh, yeah, I had a couple people tell me that they cried, so you aren't the only one. Sorry to hear it though :/ Poor little Zexion, it was a somehow easy chapter to write, but it was quite heavy on me as well. I'm glad that the motions showed through. Thank you for your review.

To RoxasVentusHikari: The argument is supposed to confuse you, that's the point . As of now I'm planning to have just a couple more flashbacks, but hopefully more will be explained! Yes, I felt so bad for Zexy, just trying to help his mother, but ends up getting yelled at for it. I understand why he cut so I wouldn't be mad either, but at the same time, where do the excuses end, you know? Thanks for the review!

To FenrirDarkWolf: Yeah, some real heavy stuff. Thank you, it means a lot to receive such a review ^_^ haha, you are an English master! Thanks again for the review hehe

To ZeltaFrost: Yes, the chapters keep getting heavier and heavier, don't they? As of now, there are no other scenes with Rhinoa, but my stories always write themselves so I really don't know what will happen or change in the future haha. Well its still great that your father is proud of your sketches! That's something to be thankful for. Things with that guy never went anywhere, so I'm back to square one but its ok, I'm truly happy right now with how things are because I'm too selfish to be in a relationship and I don't want anyone else to have to put up with me when I'm not willing to compromise with much lol.

**Thank you everyone for reading and for reviewing! The support means so much.**

**Living Legacy, Sarabellum**


	40. A Caged Monster

He ran his thumb over my scars, paused his movements, yanked down my boxers before I could even fight back, and sat back with big eyes.

I quickly moved a hand over my scar, but he pulled my wrist away.

"Zex, what is this?" he asked, panting. I was ready to cry, knowing that we were going to fight. That's just the relationship we have. I want perfection, Demyx is perfection, but then just when everything is going great, I fuck it up and get him angry.

"Old." I tried to convince him but he shook his head.

"Zex it's nothing like the old ones that you told me about. This looks recent." He gulped, looking so scared.

"No, no Demy old." I squeezed his hand and he nodded as he wiped a falling tear.

"How old?" he asked, but I shrugged. "How old?!" he yelled, his eyes fully leaking as he hiccupped.

I looked away. "Last week." I admitted.

"Zexion that isn't that old!" Demyx yelled and I sniffled.

"I'm sorry." I whispered, wishing that he'd calm down.

He shook his head and let it fall into his hands. "How can I love someone who doesn't love themself?" Demyx asked and I shrugged. I didn't want to talk about this. I didn't want to talk about anything.

"If there was something I could say, something I had to do, a price that must be paid, I'd do it all for you." Demyx wiped his eyes and I was so ashamed that I disappointed him. It sounded like beautiful song lyrics filled with love and care, and I crushed it. "I don't know what it'll take to get you to stop hurting yourself." Demyx shook his head with a sigh.

"I'm done." I said but he only rolled his eyes.

"That's what you said last time. That's what you always say, but those empty promises only do me more harm." Demyx frowned.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry Demy." I apologized, wishing I could take my actions back.

"How do you expect me to love you if you hate yourself?" Demyx asked but I couldn't answer. I had no answer. He was right. It wasn't right of me to expect anyone to love me if I'm not strong enough to be comfortable with who I am.

I wanted to say something, but I just didn't have any words left in me.

"I can't date someone who doesn't care enough about themself to take care of their body." Demyx sighed and it sounded like a break-up, so I panicked.

"I care. I'm done, no more!" I begged for him to believe me with my desperate voice.

"Until something bad happens and you don't know how to deal with it. Then you'll go back." Demyx said, once again raising a good point.

"I'm trying." It was all I had left to say.

"Zex, this isn't like doing homework or cooking. This is serious shit! If Xemnas finds out, you could be taken away! Trying, sadly, isn't enough." He said and I scrunched my knees to my chin, holding onto my thin legs.

"I don't know what else to do." I confessed, scared and vulnerable, like always.

Demyx sighed, put on his boxers, and to my surprise he placed a hand on my shoulder. "Continue working with Aerith. Don't just 'try' to do what works, but actually DO everything you can to do what it takes to heal."

I nodded, somehow feeling better, which was probably because he wasn't yelling anymore.

"Thank you Demy. I love you." I looked up to kiss him, but he placed his index finger up to my puckered lips.

"Not until you heal." He said calmly and quietly, and I burst into tears. "Zex, please don't cry." He held me, which only made it worse. I wanted so badly to be in his arms, but I didn't want to be there if he didn't want me there.

"Please don't leave me. Not again." I held onto him with all I had, but he only sighed.

"This isn't easy for me either, but you need to heal." Demyx combed my hair. "I love you Zex, I want to be happy with you forever. Right now, you need to learn to be happy with yourself first. You can't make someone else truly happy unless you know how to be happy with who you are." Demyx explained to me and I nodded.

"Is Demy not happy with me?" I asked, wondering if that's what he was hinting at.

"I am happy with you. But when I see you cutting, I feel sad, like I'm not enough. And that makes me question if you're unhappy with me."

"No, I only unhappy when Demy left me. Please, don't leave me." I squeezed his skin beneath my fingers, but he pulled my hands away.

"You can't be dependent on me Zex. Do you know how stressful that would be for me? I love you and I want you happy. But I don't want to feel like I have to stay with you to keep you from killing yourself." Demyx said and I froze. I never thought of it that way. All this time, that's how it felt. When Demyx first rejected me, the day I tried to overdose, I felt like I had nothing to live for. Even now, if he dumps me, I know that I'll feel the same way. I guess I never realized how harmful that is for him, and how unfair it is.

"You, you said you never give up on me!" I reminded him of his promise.

"I know. And I'm not. I will always love you Zex. And since I refuse to give up on you, I'm going to support you as you continue to heal. I just, I need to be in a place that's healthy for me to do so. Right now, that place is as a friend. Sadly, nothing more, until we are both ready." Demyx tried to smile at me, but I wouldn't have it.

"Demy, please, one more try?" I asked, just wanting another chance. Then again, how many times have I asked for that? I know that Demyx has given me way more chances than I deserve.

Demyx combed my hair out of my eyes as we made eye-to-eye contact. I gave him my puppy eyes, which I didn't even have to try to do since I was so sad, it was automatic.

"No." he whispered and I was in such denial, that I started shaking my head.

"No." I repeated for him, my head still shaking, trying to compute the word I had just heard. "No?" I sniffled, my eyes leaking as I heard the word for what it was. "No!" I yelled, not allowing him to break up with me so shortly after we finally started having our ideal relationship.

"Zexion, please." Demyx tried to calm me down, but I didn't want to hear it.

"No." I sobbed wildly.

"Zexion, relax."

"No!" I shouted, so tired with my aching head.

"Zexion, listen to me," Demyx tried to reason with me.

"Shut up!" I slapped him. Shit. I slapped him. I didn't mean it! I really didn't! But it was too late. Demyx's eyes were already full and leaking, and his bottom lip was quivering like a sad innocent child. I looked down to my hand, which still stung, as I panted and shook my head. I wanted to take it back. I wanted to rewind just a fraction of time and take back my horrible act of violence.

"Demy, I!" I started, but I didn't know what I could possibly say. Even 'I'm sorry' had no right in this. Demyx sniffled loudly, wiped his tears, and closed his eyes as more tears leaked through with each gulp of a breath he took.

"Demy, I sorry." I begged, taking his hand. He sat silent. I started to panic, knowing that he had every reason to hate me now. "Demy, I'm so sorry. Please, Demy?" I kissed his cheek softly. I brushed away more of his tears and I held onto his body as he sat there motionless. "Please talk." I chocked on my own tears, but he wasn't even crying anymore. He just sat there with his eyes closed while I tried to evoke some kind of reaction. I didn't care if he were to yell at me. I just couldn't handle the silence any longer. Knowing that I had laid a hand against him, the way that his parents had, it made me want to kill myself. The very thought of being comparable to people I had hated deeply made me sick.

"Demy please!" I put my hands on his shoulders and shook them.

"Demy?" I hated the silence that divided us.

Nothing. He didn't acknowledge me as I tried to earn his attention. "Demy." I said, becoming more impatient with every passing second. I straddled his lap, trying to force his eyes open. After I touched them enough, he opened them, but instead of looking angry or sad, he looked dead. Blank. He was breathing just fine, but his eyes were lifeless and it scared me. He wasn't looking in any direction, so I squatted in front of them, forcing his eyes to have no other target but my own. I kissed his lips, but he didn't kiss me back. I kissed his nose, but he had no reaction. I cupped his face, squished his cheeks inward, and smooched his neck desperately. He didn't even flinch.

"Demy!" I yelled angrily, poking his chest. He was like a dead doll. His eyes blinked in a timed synchronized pattern with his shallow breathing.

"Demy please." I pressed on, stroking his longer strands of hair softly as I licked one of his nipples. He didn't react at all and I was getting frustrated at an alarming rate. His eyes blinked with the same empty sadness that had been occupying him for three minutes.

"Demy, I love you. Please, stop." I took his hand and massaged it in mine.

"Demy, don't you love Zexy?" I asked with the biggest puppy eyes I could muster.

"Demy you're scaring me!" I shouted as I hit him in the chest. His body took the weak blow but he remained unchanged.

I huffed with detestation as I got off the bed and threw on my pants. I slammed the door as I marched uninvited into Axels room, ignoring the arguing pair on Axels bed.

"Demy's broken." I said loudly and Axel broke his frustrated demeanor to look at me funny.

"What?" he asked as Roxas sighed away his frustrations.

"Something wrong with Demy." I said again and Axel stood up and returned with me to Demyx's room. Demyx was exactly how I left him and Axel lightly slapped his arm.

"Dem what's wrong?" Axel asked casually.

"Dem? Zexion said that you're broken. What's that mean?" Axel sat on the bed by Demyx's side.

"What happened?" Axel turned to me and I shrugged. "Nothing." I defended myself as Axel sighed.

"Demyx, cut it out." Axel said, snapping in front of Demyx's eyes. "Hellllooooo? Anyone home?" Axel shouted in Demyx's ear. "Hmmmm," Axel mused before he placed his head by Demyx's chest. "Well he's breathing, blinking, and his heart is beating regularly. I don't know what's wrong." Axel sighed as he stood up. "Hey! Whoa! Blaaaahhh!" Axel screamed in Demyx's face, but Demyx hardly blinked. Roxas came in, probably confused by the screaming.

"Rox, call Aerith. Tell her that Demyx had a break down and is breathing and conscious but is unresponsive. At least, I think he's conscious?" Axel scratched his head.

"Oh, um, ok." Roxas started to walk away as Axel snapped his fingers.

"Wait! I have one more idea!" Axel ran out as Roxas and I waited in confusion.

"How long has he been like this?" Roxas asked and I shrugged.

"Few minutes." I estimated and Roxas nodded.

"I wonder what got him like this. It must be bad." Roxas said and I gulped. Deep down, I knew that the cuts on my thigh are probably what caused him to go into such a depressed shock. The slap on the face was really just the final straw to my lies and self-harm that drove him over the edge.

"Alright if this doesn't work, then he has to be unconscious." Axel came back and sat on the side of the bed again. He stared Demyx in the eye and grinned. Slowly Axel pulled a pair of scissors out of his pocket and held it up to Demyx's face.

"Alright Dem, if you don't talk, I'm going to cut your bangs." Axel snipped the air with the scissors. No response. Axel shrugged before he pretended cut off the tiniest piece of a strand of hair, really just snipping at the air.

"Wow. This is serious. Ok, last chance Dem. If not, I'm going to cut off your Mohawk." Axel grabbed the top of Demyx's hair and brought the scissors up to its base. He was about to snip when Demyx's arms went up and pushed Axel away.

"No!" Demyx yelled as he fixed the front of his Mohawk, panting.

"I knew it would work." Axel bragged and Roxas sighed.

"At least it did work." Roxas sighed, but I shook my head. Seriously? I cried and begged and he didn't do shit, but the second his precious hair is threatened, then it's too far? I growled before I left the room, forcefully slamming the door, and heading straight for the bathroom.

"Zexion wait!" I could hear Roxas' voice call to me just as I locked the bathroom door.

"Zex, open up!" Roxas pounded but I slumped on the tile and let my head lean against the cold wall.

"Axel? Axe!" Roxas shouted and within seconds I heard Axel trying to rip the door knob off.

"Zexion? Open up or I'm going to break it down!" Axel shouted, so I sat up, untwisted the lock, and fell back against the wall.

"What's the matter with you?" Axel asked, so I felt even worse.

"Everything." I mumbled.

"Hey. That's not the response that is going to help you get over shit." Axel stood with his hands on his hips. I didn't care anymore. What's the point? I already lost Demyx. "So, are you going to tell me what happened?" Axel asked and I shrugged.

"Demy found cuts on my leg." I gulped, not happy with the truth.

Axel sighed. "Let me guess, he broke up with you?" I nodded. "Then what?"

"Then I, I slapped him." I looked up to Axel with watering eyes. "I didn't mean it." I could hardly speak.

Axel nodded, "So why did you run in here once he snapped out of his phase?"

"Demy loves his hair more than me." I felt a single tear trail down my cheek.

Axel coughed, clearly unsure of what he should say.

"Zex, it's not like that. I'm sure hey, you know, he probably just," Axel scratched his head.

"You love cutting more than me." Demyx walked into the bathroom in his clothes, his cheek painted red with my handprint, but I shook my head. "Then why would you lie to me about our sex life all to save your secretes of cutting?" Demyx yelled, feeding my own anger.

"Cause Demy always yells at me when I do tell truth!" I shouted back, so Axel stepped between us.

"Alright, let's calm down."

Roxas peered into the bathroom, trying to see why we were all still yelling. "Why don't we move to the living room?"

"Good idea!" Axel clapped and helped me to my feet.

Demyx sat at one end of the couch and I at the other, a decent gap separating us before Axel filled the void with Roxas on the floor, facing us.

"You two know that this constant fighting isn't going to help any hopes of a future you two may want." Demyx and I stayed quiet at Axel's words. "No one is perfect, therefore no couple is perfect, but the amount of drama in this room is starting to feel like a fucking soap opera." Axel turned to each of us, but I continued to look away.

"Demyx, I know you're hurt by the scars, but you can't get at him for a past that's no longer relevant."

"The scars aren't that old!" Demyx interjected. Axel looked at me and I sighed.

"Week ago." I said, ashamed.

He sighed and shook his head. "Zex, come on man. What are we supposed to tell Aerith?" Axel asked and I shrugged.

"I'm sorry." I repeated for the thousandth time.

"Don't apologize to us. It's your body, your future. But if Xemnas finds out and shit happens," Axel didn't even finish his sentence. He didn't have to.

"I won't do it again." I said, feeling somewhat confident in my statement.

"I've heard that lie before." Demyx scoffed.

"Not a lie." I whined.

"Dammit Zexion!" Demyx shouted as I bit my lip in fear. "Is this some kind of a joke to you? Huh! Is that what this is? Some game between you and death? Cause I don't want to play anymore." Demyx's eyes watered. "I don't want to play anymore." Demyx cried sorrowfully.

"Not a game." I whispered.

"What would it take for you to understand? This isn't some joke or prank; this isn't funny Zex!" Demyx yelled at me as I stayed quiet. "Do you not realize that the drugs, the cutting, the alcohol, the whatever the fuck you're putting in your body is going to stay there?! When are you going to start taking care of yourself?" Demyx asked and I didn't know how to answer.

"Now." I half guessed as he shook his head.

"I can't do this anymore Zex, I just can't." Demyx shook his head in frustration.

"No Demy, don't say that." I shook my head as well, tears now in my eyes.

"I have tried so fucking hard to make this work. I've tried to be fucking patient, I've tried to understand all the shit going on, but dammit if you're not going to try, then just fuck it. I can't keep going through this fucking roller coaster, it's just too much fucking pain." Demyx sighed, his voice calm and his words hopeless. I'd never heard him cuss so easily and freely as he just did.

"I am trying." I whined, but Demyx shook his head.

"Then what is this Zexion? Huh? Answer me dammit, what the fuck is this!?" Demyx raised his voice as he pointed to my thigh, leaning over Axel's body which sat between us.

"Is a mistake!" I sobbed. "I, I a mistake." I admitted with look that reflected my epiphany.

"Oh, my Zexion," Demyx stood up and walked over to me before he wrapped his arms around me as I bawled. I rushed my hands to hide my shamed face as I wept, feeling his hands smooth up and down my back.

"Listen to me, you are not a mistake, ok?" Demyx sniffled as I started to calm down. "Don't you ever say that again. You are precious and valuable and loved. You are priceless." Demyx squeezed me as I coughed some of my tears out. "I'm so sorry I yelled. I'm so sorry I cursed. I just love you too much to let you hurt yourself." Demyx rubbed his eyes.

"Sorry for secrets." I apologized in return.

"Why Zex? Why did you cut?" Roxas asked.

"Talked with Aerith." I sniffled. "Told her about mom. About daddy. About trying to find medicine cause mom was sick. But, "I sniffled again. "But there is no medicine. So, so," I could feel my lips quivering. "So daddy killed himself." I rubbed my eyes.

"Oh god," Roxas shook his head.

"Damn Zex," Even Axel sighed.

"Wanted to tell Demy. Didn't want this to happen." I rubbed my arms. "Just hurt so badly. I miss him." I looked at Demyx, who nodded.

"I know Zex. I miss my dad too." Demyx hugged me as I tried to calm my aching heart in his warm embrace.

"Poor guy," Roxas whispered as I tried to keep myself from letting out more tears than I already had.

"Just wanted to help him find medicine. Didn't, didn't know he was going to die." I looked down into my lap, ashamed of everything about me.

"Shh, it's ok." Demyx comforted me.

"I sorry. Sorry for everything." I didn't know where to begin.

"Hey, it's ok." Roxas smiled at me, offering me hope.

"We'll always be here for you Zex." Axel smiled next.

"Zexion, please, get the help you need. Please, not for me, but for you. Get help." Demyx pleaded as I sighed some of the tension free from my heavy mind.

"Aerith help." I said, but Demyx shook his head.

"She clearly isn't enough for you. You need more." Demyx said and I shrugged.

"Maybe," I said, just to please him.

"I think it's beyond your power. When Aerith finds out, Xemnas will decide." Demyx sighed heavily as I shook my head.

"No!" I protested.

"Zex, she has to know." Demyx frowned.

"Please don't tell." I begged with a weak voice before Demyx stood up and nodded to Axel, who sighed.

"Alright, let's go." Axel, stood up, as did Roxas. It was clear that they had unfinished business, but my selfishness interrupted their talk.

"Demy?" I asked, hurt.

"I'll go get your backpack and shirt. Wait here." He walked away as I looked down into my lap, realizing I was still half naked. I waited in the living room, wanting to sleep this nightmare away so damn bad. When Demyx came out into the living room, I looked up at him desperately from where I sat on the couch.

"Demy please?" I begged after I messily threw on my shirt.

"Zex," he started as if he were tired.

"Demy I miss him!" I interrupted, thinking of why I cut in the first place, hoping he'd understand.

"Miss who?" Demyx asked curiously.

"Miss my daddy." I sniffled.

Demyx gave an understanding sigh out his nose before he sat next to me.

"I know how it feels Zex. Believe me, I do. But we have to fight it. We can't give up, not on ourselves with cutting." Demyx pushed my bangs out of my face.

"Demy, I meant to tell you. Didn't, didn't want to start fighting. Love you too much." I grabbed his hands.

"And I love you too much to just sit here when I know you need help Zex."

"No, no I need Demy. Need love." I squeezed his fingers.

"You need help Zex." Demyx repeated.

"It's Aerith's fault!" I screamed randomly, hoping to be understood.

"Zexion you can't blame other people when,"

"She keeps talking bout past. Makes me sad. Makes me cut." I whined.

"No, Zex, you're making yourself cut. Yeah, Aerith may bring up sad topics but guess what, if she didn't, someone some other time will. It's a matter of discipline and dedication and you can't blame other people for what's your responsibility." Demyx lectured me as I sniffled.

"Demy, Demy please, one more chance?" I felt a tear drop leak.

Demyx shook his head. "For every extra chance I give, that's one step back you're taking."

"No, no Dem," I started but Axel and Roxas entered the living room, neither one of them looking at each other, making it obvious that they were still fighting.

"Ok, let's go." Axel said quietly.

"Come on," Demyx waved, but I shook my head. If they wanted me off the couch and into Aerith's possession, they'd have to force me. Well….they did.

"No, I don't want to go!" I cried, but Demyx lifted me up into his arms and carried me to Axel's car. By then I was too tired to fight back, so instead, I curled into his embrace, trying to memorize the scent of his shampoo, the feeling of his neck against my fingertips, and the rapid pace at which his chest expanded.

Demyx put me in the front seat with a child lock while Demyx and Roxas were in the back, all of us quietly looking out the window, except for Axel of course.

When Axel pulled up to the driveway and let me out, I rushed out of the car and inside the house.

"Zexion? You were supposed to call me when you were coming back." Aerith came out of the kitchen and I couldn't help my smart-ass response.

"Back." I said as I headed for my room to dump off all my shit.

"Roxas, will you go with him?" I heard Aerith ask before I heard Roxas running after me. I sat on my bed, depressed, just wanting all this drama to end. I hate the roller coaster. If it's going to be shitty, then stay shitty, but when I get my hopes up and then so brutally crashed, it's just too much for me.

"Hey, you ok?" Roxas asked, sitting by my side. I laid down, staring at the ceiling.

"Tired." I said, wondering why I should bother with anything.

"Yeah, it seems like you've had it kind of rough." Roxas sat closer to me, and I looked up at him.

"You and Axel, perfect. Jealous." I admitted, wanting to know the secret to a normal relationships; a normal life.

"We aren't even dating. And even when we were, we still fought here and there, but we learn from every mistake." Roxas shrugged and I sat up.

"Will, will you two get back together?" I asked and he looked away in thought. I needed some kind of hope, anything at this point.

"Who knows. Maybe." Roxas said so simply, as if it were all that easy.

"Hope you do. Just so hard. Specially with Demy." I said and he nodded.

"No one said that this stuff would be easy. But that shouldn't stop you. I know you can wait for him, cause I know that you love him. And yeah, Demyx sometimes over-reacts, because he's scared. He's scared that the stuff that happened with his parents will happen with you, and he can't live without you Zex. That's why, when he sees drugs, alcohol, or cutting, he freaks. It's because it reminds him of his past and he doesn't ever want to go back to that. It's not fair that he keeps changing on you, but try to understand where he's coming from. It could help you understand where he's trying to get, which will help you get him where he needs to be. And if you ask me, I agree. You need more help Zex. This, this isn't good." Roxas broke it all down as if it were as simple as he explained it to be.

"I want to." I said, sitting up as Roxas smiled.

"Then tell him that. He doesn't want to lose this relationship. He just can't get involved with something that isn't healthy for his healing. He's still healing too Zex, remember that." Roxas patted my back and I nodded to myself, taking in Roxas' words as notes.

"Zexion, I need you to show me your leg." Aerith said dryly after she walked into my bedroom with Axel and Demyx behind her.

I nodded. I saw this coming. I took off my pants, so far beyond caring about who saw what as I pulled up my boxers on one side to show her.

"Alright." Aerith sighed, nodding in a way that begged me to ask why. "I'm going to go meet with Xemnas." Aerith said and I returned my face to my hands, scrunching up my knees. All along it's been my fault, but somehow things seem to get worse while I'm not even looking. It's like I've been set up from all this shit happening and the next thing I know, I'm taking giant steps back in progress.

"Shhh, it's ok." Roxas rubbed my back as I shook my head. I couldn't even cry. There were no more tears left.

"Can I go with you?" Demyx's voice asked and Aerith said yes before she turned to Axel.

"Can you and Roxas stay here with Zexion?"

"Yeah, of course." Axel said and then I heard footsteps walking away. I looked up to see Axel frowning sorrowfully at me.

"It'll be alright." Axel said and I nodded.

"We love ya Zex." Roxas put his arm around me and I laid into it. I just wanted to feel loved and comforted, but nothing could compare to Demyx's arms, which made me feel both of those things at their strongest.

"I don't want to go, but don't have energy to stay." I said, my head aching. It was official. I was giving up.

"Zex, don't talk that way. It'll be just fine." Axel said and Roxas nodded, but I shook my head.

"Not worth the pain." I blinked slowly. I knew what I wanted, but I couldn't say it out loud. I sighed in exhaustion.

"I'm going to get some water." Roxas stood up and left, so I stood up too.

"Where are you going?" Axel asked.

"Bathroom." I said as I took more steps down the hall.

"Ok, you know the rules, two minutes." Axel said, reminding me of the rule that I had when I first moved in, where Aerith would time me for how long I could be in the bathroom with the door closed.

I didn't want to be timed, not when I wasn't even sure what I wanted to do with my few minutes of privacy.

"Need to, go." I put my hand over my lower stomach and turned to face Axel. I figured I'd rather embarrass myself by saying I had to take a shit than being forced to sacrifice my privacy.

"Oh, um, ok, five minutes. But I'll come by and except to hear you say something, ok?" Axel winced. I could tell that he didn't want to be so strict, but I knew that he also didn't want to disappoint Aerith.

"Kay." I said and turned the corner to go down the hall leading to the bathroom. As soon as I shut the door, I started my watch so that I could keep track of how much time I had left.

Quickly I pulled down my shorts to see the scars on my thigh. Fuck. How could I have given in so easily? If Demyx knew what I was about to do, what would he say? If he knew that I had cut when I did, would he have asked me to be his boyfriend? He's been waiting patiently and diligently all along, and here I am faking half the progress I'm getting credit for.

Before I knew it, my eyes were watering.

No. I'm done crying, I'm done faking all this shit! I can't possibly get my hands on pot, so is it really my fault if I cut? I mean, I need at least one coping method.

But what about Demyx? He's my coping method. He's….he's so disappointed in me. If he saw the fresh cuts on my leg the day it happened, he wouldn't have asked me out. I don't deserve him. I don't deserve his love, his attention, his embrace. I don't deserve Axel being so considerate, or Roxas being so friendly. I don't deserve all the effort that Aerith is putting in to keep me from being locked up.

Four minutes left.

By me living here, they're only caging a monster that still wants to be set free. I know this, because I know that if I had access to drugs, I'd take it. If I could smoke and not get caught, I'd do it without hesitation. I'm not healing. I'm not making any progress. I'm just lying to myself to make it one day at a time, surviving on the hopes that eventually they'll all trust me enough so that I can sneak something here and there. That's not trying. That's not progress. That's deceit. Demyx deserves better.

Demyx deserves someone who is just as sweet and thoughtful as he is. He doesn't need all my drama and baggage weighing him down. He doesn't need my bullshit when he's already trying to deal with his dads death.

If he knew that I had no intentions of keeping my promise to stay away from drugs, would he still want me? Stupid question. Of course he wouldn't. He'd cast me aside like my aunt did, like my uncle, even like my own mother. If people realized how rotten I am, they wouldn't want me. I'm shit. Not worthy of the second chances and the patience that everyone's been giving me.

Three minutes left.

I retrieved a razor blade that I kept hidden under the sink for occasions such as this.

Why? Why was I going to cut? It was only going to make matters worse. I'm only adding to the pile of junk that is holding me down in life.

But I need to. I need to feel like I'm not alone. Demyx can only help me so much. In the end, he's too perfect for me. How can he help if he's not even on the same level as me? No one is. No one can help me. No one can understand.

With that thought in mind, I added new scars to my already broken body.

It went much deeper than I had intended, and I quickly dropped my razor to cover the blood with my hands, doing my best to control my panting gasps. It hurt.

"Zex? You ok?" Axel knocked on the door.

"Yeah." I gasped, and as embarrassing as it is, my voice sounded like I was constipated, when really I was just in shocking pain.

"Ok, well, you've got two minutes. You need more time?" Axel asked and I gulped down more of the pain.

"Please?" I asked, sounding like I was still having….difficulties…on the toilet.

"Alright, I'll give you one extra minute, ok? So you have three left. Next time think before you eat." Axel chuckled and I put a hand over my mouth to muffle my pants of pain.

The cut was much deeper than I had planned, and I was losing more blood than I was used to. I kept a hand over my cut as I started using toilet paper to try to control the blood loss, but it wasn't helping much.

I tried looking for gauze tap, which I found under the bathroom sink, and quickly started wrapping my thigh. It hurt. Bad. My body shuddered and my eyes were fighting back tears as I wrapped it as tightly as I could. There was blood on the floor, so with the help of more toilet paper, I did my best to clean it all up.

Two minutes left.

I sat on the cool tile, my bloody hand over my mouth to try and hide my gasps as I tried to control my breathing. My leg was on fire and I wanted so badly to just let out all the tears. I was starting to feel light headed. Shit. Not a good sign. I gulped, trying to keep myself awake and alert as I shakily tried to stand. I managed to get on my feet, weakly leaning against the sink for support.

My body was trembling as my breathing suffered because of it. I took as many deep slow breaths as I could, just trying to fix the headache I was getting.

One minute left.

I flushed the toilet full of bloody toilet paper and I washed the blood off of my hands. I looked around at the floor: it was clean. I looked down at my thigh: it was leaking through the gauze. I added another layer, which suffocated my leg, and pulled up my pants. I sighed, then inhaled deeply. I did my very best to shake my head clear of the wooziness that I was starting to feel.

I opened the door to see Axel walking up to me.

"Oh, I was just coming to get you. You ok?" He asked and I nodded, my hand on my lower stomach.

"Better."

"Come on, Aerith and Demyx should be back soon." Axel and I returned to the living room, where Roxas was busy playing games on Axel's cell phone. Every step was painful but I did my best to mask it so as not to draw suspicion.

"Dammit!" Roxas grunted as I sat on the couch next to him.

"Can't beat my high score, eh?" Axel smiled.

"No one can!" Roxas handed Axel back his phone. It was good to see those two getting along, even if by my stupidity that united them, but it was hard to keep my eyes open, much less pay attention to anything or anyone.

I sighed. My head was feeling all airy and my leg was burning.

"You ok Zex? You look tired." Roxas said and I nodded poorly.

"Tired." I said. I wanted to sleep. I wanted to close my eyes so damn bad.

"You look pale." Axel said, surprised.

"Tired." I repeated.

"Zex," I could tell that Axel wasn't buying it.

"Just super sad," I sniffled, which was as believable as it was true.

"We're home." Aerith's voice called me back from the borderline of consciousness that I had been dwindling by.

"How was it?" Axel asked for me.

"We talked, and Zexion and I will visit him this weekend. I'd say that it went really well, thanks to Demyx." Aerith patted Demyx's back, which, even in my weak stupor, made me question.

"Demy help?" I asked, wanting to know what Aerith meant.

"I told him how I was the one who was dealing with my insecurities, not you, and that it was my fault that you cut in the first place. I told him how you need to stay with Aerith and finish healing, so that you can help me heal next. " Demyx sat down next to me, his face smiling brighter than ever. Fuck. Well, I just ruined things all over again by cutting again. If I would have known that Demyx was going to be so fucking perfect in the meeting with Xemnas, I wouldn't have cut! Dammit! I have the worst luck.

"Zexy help Demy." I said hazily. My head was anything but clear as I began to hear a slight ringing. Shit. I cut too deep. I knew it wasn't anywhere near enough to kill me, but if I didn't snap out of this phase, I could pass out. I gulped and blinked really slowly.

"You ok? You look sick?" Demyx put his hands on my shoulders as I tried to look him in the eye. I couldn't tell if he was moving and had three eyes, or if it was my blurry vision.

"He was having …bathroom problems." Axel said and I swallowed thick and hard.

"It couldn't have been the food, no one else is sick." Demyx kept his hands on me but turned to face Axel.

"What's wrong?" Aerith asked, holding something in her hands, but I couldn't make it out.

"Zexion? Zexion?!" Demyx shook my shoulders and my head rolled back. Fuck. I was slipping. Badly. I must have cut way too deep. This wasn't good.

"Axel, call Leon!" Aerith shouted and I was able to sit up straight again. Maybe all I needed was that fear to bring me back to complete control.

"I'm ok, just, tried." I put a hand to my head.

"Don't scare me!" Demyx held me and the feeling of my head on his shoulder made me feel sleepy again. God what I'd do to just stay here forever, in his arms. I could have done without the swaying though. Was he swaying? Why was he moving? No, wait, he wasn't moving, was he? Why couldn't he sit still? The swaying made me want to puke.

"Sorry." I sat up, trying to keep myself fully awake and alert.

"You sure you're ok?" Demyx asked with concern in his three moving eyes.

I really don't deserve him. Not at all.

"Zexion? What's wrong?" Demyx put his hand on my cheek and felt my throat tense.

"Don't…deserve you." I looked down at my thigh. Shit. I saw a small hint of red from underneath my black skinny jeans. It was leaking through. God-dammit! Here I thought that Xemnas was going to lock me up then and there. I didn't know that Demyx was going to defend me. I didn't know!

"Zexion, don't say that! You've been making such great progress!" Demyx tried to smile big enough for the two of us, but I only shook my head, which made me feel dizzy all over again.

"No progress." I huffed, feeling light headed, wanting to just sleep this nightmare away.

"Zexion? Zexion look at me." Demyx kept one hand on my cheek and firmly placed the other on my scarred and bleeding thigh.

"OW!" I shouted, my body bending over, my thigh feeling like it was literally on fire.

"What's wrong?" Aerith walked up to me, but I kept my face down as my body stayed hunched over. I could feel my stomach churning as I actually wanted to puke to end it all. I made a gag noise, trying to cover it with my hand.

"I don't know, I just touched his thigh and he freaked." Demyx took his hands off me and my mouth hung wide open and dry.

"He's going to throw up!" Roxas jumped off the couch.

"What happened while we were gone?" Demyx asked Axel, who didn't even answer the question.

"Oh my god! Look at your hand!" Axel shouted and I could feel Demyx stand up off the couch.

"Zexion?" that was Demyx's voice, but all I could do was puke on the carpet. I hurled three times, my eyes leaking as I suffocated on whatever my stomach was rejecting.

"Leon? I need a huge favor!" Aerith was talking and when I looked up to protest, I passed out.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note:<strong> I can't tell you all how long I've been waiting to post this chapter. The sad thing is, I'm not too sure where I'm going in the long run, ok so I have a big idea that's pretty developed and mostly written out, but I'm not sure if I want to stick with it. So I guess I have a lot of thinking and writing to do. Anyway, predictions?

This is where the story really takes a turn. We see Zexion hitting a new low, Axel and Roxas are still not getting alone, and now Leon is being brought into the situation. Craziness. But don't worry, things go up after they fall down.

To kindofabadger: Yes, Axel and Roxas' relationship does affect Zexion and Demyx's, just because the four are all connected, so thank you for appreciating it! I know, I'd hate to have to be in that situation, wanting intimacy, but having to decline to protect the very love that compels you. Thank you for the review!

To xXKairiHeartsXx: Yay, thank you for the enthusiasm! I'm glad to hear that it was worth it hehe.

To xSonya: Yes, too much breaking up, but don't lose hope! Lol I'm very evil too, thanks for the suggestion. Homework, story of a students life lol.

To LittleTrancyGirl: Lol, I didn't think it was that big a cliffie, but I do like cliffies, so yay lol. Aww, thank you and thank you LittleTracyGirl's girlfriend! Yes, hugs to Roxas, poor guy. Hugs to Zexion too. Hugs to everyone!

To FenrirDarkWolf: Yes, these chapters are getting quite dark but they shall pick up soon, and it is nice to see Zexion fighting. I wanted to portray the sorrow that takes over when one tries but is told its 'too late', cause I'm sure some people have been there before and its never fun.

To ZeltaFrost: Yes, it seems like everyone is fighting, friendships are being tests, and relationships are ending. No hugs for anyone lol. Its ok, no need to cry over spilled milk. It didn't work, so I'm moving on lol. I don't let anything keep me down. Waste of time and energy.

To luckycat222: Awwww, no crying! Too many tears in this chapter as it is. Thank you for the review, hope the wait wasn't too bad lol.

To Rawritsakookye: Lol, yes, this story is full of problems and they will slowly be worked on, so thanks for the patience and sticking with it hehe. Yeah, I know how it feels to be Roxas and to be Axel, so I understand where both are coming from. Neither place is a fun place to be. Thanks for the review!

**Living Legacy, Sarabellum**


	41. Something Has to Change

My head swirled and I couldn't remember shit. My eyes were closed, but I had no desire to open them. There was no sound to interrupt my peace. There was just me and my thoughts.

All I seemed to remember was how I had let myself cut again, and how scared everyone sounded.

Especially Demyx. He probably hates me now. He probably doesn't want to even look at my pathetic self. Can't say I blame him. Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if I was currently asleep in a bed at some Psych ward under Xemnas' watch.

Xemnas.

No!

No I don't want to be with Xemnas! I don't want to be locked up! I don't want to be anywhere but with Aerith and Demyx and Axel and Roxas! Where am I? I want to go home dammit! I want to go home!

"I want to go home!" I sat up, my eyes wide open and my chest expanding rapidly as I panted. I looked around and quickly saw that Leon was tending to my Leg. I was in my bedroom at Aerith's house, with all of the people I cared about sitting around me, even Demyx.

"Hey, take it easy." Leon comforted me as he continued to clean my wound.

I looked around, feeling scared and vulnerable. Aerith had a small but almost fake looking smile. Axel was holding Roxas, both of them looking tired yet hopeful. And then, there was Demyx. His eyes looked red. Fuck. What am I doing to him? They were all silent, even as Leon moved closer to me with a loud sigh, as if he were thinking of what he was going to do. He then proceeded to clean up the newer rolls of bandage tape that I had on my thigh. He must have taken off the ones I put on while I was unconscious.

"I have to clean this up now." Leon said, as if to himself. Demyx whispered to Axel, who nodded and stood up, leaving the room with Demyx as well. I could only wonder where they went and why.

Leon set several old towels underneath my leg and he wiped off the blood that stained my skin. After ten minutes of prepping, he got out a small bowel with an odorless solution inside.

"Alright, this might sting a little." Leon warned as he poured some clear-ish liquid on a wash cloth.

I stared at him in fear. I knew that it was going to sting a lot, since my cut did go down pretty deep.

"Roxas, can you go bring me Demyx?" Leon asked Roxas, who nodded and left.

"I'll be back." Aerith told Leon as she left to answer the ringing phone.

"Hospital?" I asked, not wanting to go back.

"You need stiches." Leon said and I looked down at my leg.

"You stich me?" I asked and he shrugged.

"I am qualified. But I don't have any medicine to numb your leg." Leon said and I thought for a moment.

"It's ok."

Leon looked at me like I was joking. "You hate the hospital that much?"

I nodded.

"Alright, I'll let Aerith know. First I still need to disinfect this cut." Leon said as Demyx came into the room.

"You asked for me?" Demyx asked Leon, ignoring me.

"Yes. I'm about to clean up his cut, but it's going to sting. I figured he might want to hold your hand. I also might need help keeping him down." Leon said and I looked down at the bedding beneath me.

"Sure." Demyx said, sounding indifferent about the situation. He sat next to me on the bed and offered his hand.

"Thank you." I whispered as I took it.

"Ok, ready? On three. One, two," Leon didn't even get to three as he placed that icy cold wash cloth over my split skin.

"AH!" I screamed, my leg moving as if it had a mind of its own.

"It's ok Zexion, calm down." Demyx squeezed my hand as I continued screaming and kicking. It hurt like hell.

"Hang on." Leon used one of his hands to press my thigh into the mattress to keep me from moving; with his other hand he kept the wash cloth over my cut.

"Fuck!" I put my arm in my mouth and started to bite down.

"Zex, stop!" Demyx took my arm out of my mouth and held me. I held him back, the pain starting to normalize.

"Everything ok?" Aerith came in, the phone in her hand.

"Yeah. We just disinfected it."

"Should we take your car or mine?" Aerith asked and Leon sighed.

"He wants me to do it here." Leon turned to face Aerith and she looked to me.

"Without any numbing medication?"

"Faster." I said and she nodded.

"I'll go get some pain killers." Aerith walked off and Demyx looked to me.

"Are you sure Zexion?" Demyx asked and I nodded.

"I'll be right back." Leon got up and left Demyx and I alone.

"You ok?" Demyx asked me and I nodded.

"Scared." I admitted quietly.

"It's ok. I got you." Demyx held me and I tried to smile for him.

"Thank you."

"Alright, let's get started." Leon came back with a medical kit in his hand. I gulped and turned to Demyx to hide my face in his chest.

"I, I can't watch." Demyx hid his face in my body, which was huddled against his.

"Axel?" Leon shouted.

"You called?" Axel and Roxas both walked in.

"I might need an extra pair of hands. Roxas, hold down his left leg. Axel, I need you to hold his right leg perfectly still so I can stich it up." Leon said and I could feel everyone's hands on my body.

I started to breath heavily; I was absolutely terrified.

"Zexion, calm down. It's ok. You ready?" He asked and I nodded, my face in Demyx's shirt.

"It'll be fine Zex." Roxas said and I nodded again as I felt Leon's hands moving. I inhaled deeply, wishing that I didn't cut so deeply.

"Here we go." Leon said and I felt the needle against my cold skin. The second it pierced through, I gasped.

"Hurts." I said as he worked quickly. My right leg, the one getting stitched, was starting to quake. Fuck it hurt.

"Axel, hold him down." Leon said and Axel pressed down even harder.

"Ah!" I screamed into Demyx's chest.

"Shh, it's ok Zexy, it's ok." Demyx said, probably for himself, since he looked just as scared by the way he was hiding as well.

"Hurts." I tensed up, wanting it all to just go away.

"Almost done." Leon said and I screamed into Demyx's chest. It was the only thing that helped with the pain.

"Zexy, it's ok. He's almost done." Roxas rubbed my leg and I nodded.

"Fuck! Fucking hurts!" I yelled and I could feel the stitches pulling tightly on my leg.

"Done." Leon said and I panted as I pulled away from Demyx's body to see.

"Good job Zex." Axel patted my back and I sighed.

"See, no hospital." Roxas smiled and I nodded.

"I'm proud of you Zex." Demyx gave a weak smile and I panted back.

"Thank you."

"Here, take these." Aerith walked in the room and handed me some pills, which I would have appreciated in advance, but beggars can't be choosers.

"Alright, he needs rest." Leon said as everyone moved away from me. I sat there, feeling rather empty.

"Do you want us to let you sleep?" Axel asked, but I shook my head.

"Don't want to be alone." I looked away, feeling pathetic.

"We can stay if you want us to." Roxas smiled and I nodded.

"Is it ok if I stay the night?" Demyx asked Aerith.

"If Aqua is ok with it, then I am too."

"She is. She said she's ok with it so long as you are." Demyx smiled and Aerith did too.

"Well if you'd like, and if Aqua permits it, then I don't see a problem with you spending the night." Aerith told Demyx and I nodded. "Would you like that?" Aerith asked me the dumb question and I nodded again.

"Alright, we'll I'm sure you two have a lot to talk about." Aerith said and I ignored that by switching back to an even more depressing topic.

"Xemnas take me away?" I asked, fearful that I booked my ticket to get locked up.

"He has to know about this. It won't look good considering that Aerith was just there a few hours ago." Leon said quietly and I looked to Demyx, unsure of what to say or think.

"I don't want to go." I know that I was saying one thing but practically asking for another with my cuts, but I still wanted to stay with Aerith.

"What do you want, Zexion?" Aerith asked me calmly and I looked to Demyx.

"Don't want to hurt Demy."

"Then why did you cut? The whole reason we fought was because you cut, and then you cut again. I don't get it." Demyx's voice got stuck in his throat and I gulped.

"I thought Demy was going to have me locked up. Didn't know Demy wanted to help. Don't deserve Demy." I looked down to my body. I was shirtless and wearing basketball shorts. I pointed to my thighs. "Demy doesn't need this." I said, and when Demyx stood up, I was mentally preparing to say goodbye forever.

"Demyx doesn't need this." He said as he walked up to me. I was ready to cry. It was true.

"Demyx needs this." I opened my eyes to see him extended his hand to my chest, over my heart. "That's all I want." He smiled and I sniffled.

"I love Demy, but I'm so hurt." I looked around and Leon nodded.

"Zexion, Aerith wants me to talk to you immediately. Something has to change." Leon moved so that he wasn't sitting by my side, but was sitting on the bed, facing me, his back towards Aerith, Roxas, and Axel.

"Leon has a personal connection to some of the things you're experiencing Zexion." Aerith said and I looked back to Leon. Demyx sat next to me on my bed and I couldn't help but scoot closer to him, which he didn't object.

"Right now, you're dealing with a lot. We understand that. But in the end, only you have the power to make the decisions that will affect your future. You're telling us that you don't want to go with Xemnas, but you're the one getting yourself the ticket inside." Leon kept his eyes on me and I looked away. I didn't want to see his disappointment.

"Yeah, you're talking. That's a huge step in progress from when we first met, but how can we celebrate it if for every step you take forward, you're taking two steps back? This isn't the first time you've cut since you moved in with Aerith. The other scars on your leg aren't that old. So what's it going to take Zexion? What do YOU need to stop cutting for good?" Leon asked and I gulped. I didn't know how to answer. There were a lot of things I needed.

"You have Demyx, you have Axel and Roxas and Aerith. You aren't living with your aunt or your uncle anymore, so what is it that you're still needing? You're talking, and you're using sentences and smiling and laughing. So what is the one thing in your life that would make you stop cutting?" Leon asked and I closed my eyes. I knew the answer, but I didn't want to say it.

"What is it Zexion?" Leon wouldn't give up, so with a shaky voice, I responded.

"Pot." I had no intentions of opening my eyes, but when Demyx got off the bed, I couldn't help it. "Demy!" I called for him, even as he left the room and slammed the door.

"I'll go." Axel got up and ran after him, while I sat there feeling like the one cause of everyone's problems.

"So if you could smoke marijuana, everything would become great and you'd be happy?" Leon asked and I shrugged. "Help me understand Zexion. Tell me what it is you need?" Leon asked and I felt so uncomfortable. I guess that was the point.

"I want to be calm. I want to be happy. I don't want to hurt Demy anymore." I whispered and Leon nodded.

"So how can we help you get those things?" Leon asked and I shrugged, which made Leon sigh.

"Zexion, you want to know why I'm being so persistent?" Leon asked and I nodded.

"It's because my brother, Terra, used to smoke pot too." Leon cleared his throat and I swallowed hard. I felt really guilty for reminding everyone of their previous loses. First Demyx and his dad, and now Leon with his brother.

"He was five years younger than me, and he was one of the best friends I ever had. Growing up, we were close, but he had a lot of secrets. Once he hit high school, he stopped talking to me the way he used to. I was devastated, but I didn't know how bad it was. He would come home, high, telling me to mind my own goddamn business every time I told him that I was worried. Then, he started experimenting with ecstasy. I remember reading your chart when you were admitted into the hospital; it said that you had high amounts of it in your system. See, it all starts out the same: you're curious and you figure why not. I can still hear Terra telling me that he wasn't addicted, and that he was just going to use it when he felt like he needed it. But pretty soon he discovered that he couldn't feel good without it. He depleted all of his serotonin, unable to produce enough of it on his own. Then, Terra started to realize how serious it all was. He could have won a thousand munny, but he couldn't feel happy unless he was rolling. He still wouldn't call it an addiction, but it went to the point where, without it, he was barely alive. He was never happy, never content, never satisfied without it. And every time I tried to tell him that I was concerned, he told me to mind my own goddamn business. Well, when I went home one day from nursing school, I caught him in the kitchen with a butcher knife. He didn't have any money for drugs, and he didn't have enough hope to survive without it. Without hope, you're as good as dead. I tried to take the knife from him, which is how I got this scar." Leon pointed to the slash mark across his face, and I gulped.

"I fell to the floor in pain, and when I looked up, he took his life. When the ambulance came, they said that his body had cut marks that dated back for years. Not a day goes by where I don't think about how different things could have gone if I would have forced myself to get involved. Not a day passes where I don't blame myself for his death. I can't help but wonder if I could have saved him if I would have tried to reach out before he allowed himself to fall so far. In the end, I realized that only he could have made the decision to be saved. We all need help, and its ok to not always feel strong enough on your own. But you have to be able to produce your own hope, without drugs, without cutting, and without solely relying on other people." Leon said and I nodded.

It made sense. Everything he was saying made sense, and I wanted to do like he said. But it's not as easy as he's making it sound. Still, I was a bit surprised to hear about his brother, although it does explain how nice he was to me when I was in the hospital. I couldn't imagine how awful that must have been. Here I was living like I was the only one with a dark past, but I'm not. When I first met Demyx, I thought he was the happiest person alive who must have been spoiled his whole life, but that's more than false. Then I thought Axel was some spoiled rich kid living in his own house, and it turns out that he's also dealing with a lot of baggage. And then there's Leon, who never hints at the fact that his own brother died before his eyes. All along, I kept saying that no one could understand, but by saying that, all I was really doing was prohibiting them from understanding.

"Zexion? How are you feeling?" Aerith asked to bring me out of my thoughts and I shrugged.

"I feel sad." I said and Leon nodded.

"It's ok to feel sad, and it's natural to be curious and even confused. But you can't give up, ok?"

"Hard not to give up."

"That's what Terra would say, but that's because he didn't realize that what he needed was something he couldn't buy." Leon said.

"Need, something else. Not pot." I said as Aerith smiled at me.

"So Zexion, tell us, what do you need to survive and get through all this?"

I smiled shyly. "Hope."

For the next twenty minutes, I sat silently on my bed and Leon shared more about his past, just the two of us since Axel and Demyx were still gone, Roxas left to join them, and Aerith had to answer another phone call. It helped me understand so much more where Demyx was coming from, and it only inspired me to just shut up and act. Leon helped me see how pointless all my pity-party bitching is when only my actions can change things.

"Leon, will you watch them? I have to go back and see Xemnas again." Aerith entered my room with her purse. Leon nodded and Aerith left with the sound of the front door closing soon after. I looked to Leon.

"Hey, you feeling better?" Roxas walked in with Axel and Demyx behind him.

"Yeah." I said dryly. I wanted to change, I wanted to be better, but it was going to take work.

"Roxas and I have to leave, but we'll be back tomorrow to visit. Bye Zex." Axel hugged me before Roxas did. I was left alone with Leon and Demyx, all of us silently waiting for another to talk.

"Demy mad?" I asked, knowing that the answer was 'yes'.

"I just don't know what else I can do." Demyx looked tired, as if all the shit I was putting him through was slowly killing him.

"Demy heal, Zexy heal, then we work." I said, wanting to go back to his original plan of us each healing before we date. As sad as it sounded, that was more than I deserved at this point.

"What if you go with Xemnas? Who knows when you'll come back?" Demyx shoved his hands in his pockets as he stood by the chair Leon was sitting in and I stayed quiet.

"I'm sorry." I said, tired of apologizing, but I didn't know what else to say.

"I don't want to hear your apologies Zex. I want to see your effort." Demyx put a hand to his head.

"I'm trying." I whined.

"Then what do you consider cutting yourself twice over the same issue? Is that really trying?"

"You were mad, and I was scared." I defended myself.

"You saw me angry because you cut, so you cut?! In what universe does that make sense?" Demyx yelled at me and I had no response. He had a point, but he just didn't understand. No one did.

"Hey, you two can yell and argue all you want but at the end of the day, you're both just driving the other further away." Leon sat like the still statue that he is, his arms glued across his chest as only his lips moved.

"I'm just so sick of feeling like I'm not good enough." Demyx sighed, sitting down at the foot of my bed.

"You need to take care of yourself, cause Zexion needs the same damn thing. You need to let yourself mourn your past and then celebrate the present cause you will never have the same moment twice." Leon said to Demyx before he pointed at me. "And you, you have to let go of your unhealthy coping methods if you ever want these people to stay in your life. You're so much like Terra, I can see the same attitude and aggression in your eyes. But you know what? That's a great thing to have. It's what you need to fight this. When you get angry, you get pissed and you use that aggression on your own body when you need to use it against these unhealthy addictions. You're a fighter, so stop fighting the people who love you and fight what's harming you. Know who the enemy is here, cause it sure as hell isn't Demyx or your own damn body. Terra, he could have easily won if he knew who and when to fight. I'm telling you, you're 'when' is now." Leon lectured, but he was right. Damn, he was good. I could only nod before it went silent for a brief moment.

"Leon, how do you get over a suicide?" Demyx asked, probably referring to his dad.

"You don't, but you learn that as life moves on, we have to as well."

"I don't want to be stuck in the past. It isn't fair for Zexion." Demyx said and I smiled at him.

"You two really can make this relationship work, and last. You just have your own personal shit that you need to sort out first." Leon shrugged.

"I'm willing." I said to Demyx, who nodded.

"Me too. No matter what, I'll always be waiting for you Zexion." Demyx smiled at me.

"I wait for Demy, even, even if I go with Xemnas." I tried to keep my fading smile.

"Come on, you need sleep." Demyx said, ignoring the whole topic of Xemnas as he got in my bed.

I followed his lead and laid down by his side.

"Night Leon. Night Demy." I said, my voice shaking. I didn't want to go with Xemnas, but in the end, I guess I only have myself to blame.

"Goodnight Zexy." Demyx held me, calming me down a little, even as my heartbeat raced. What if that was the last time I'd ever be in his arms?

"Get some rest boys." Leon sat in his chair like he used to in the hospital, watching over me as I fell into an uneasy sleep.

When I woke up during the middle of the night, I saw that Leon was still there in his chair and I could feel Demyx's arms around my tummy. Slowly I sat up on my elbows, feeling Demyx squirm from my movement.

"Leon, tired?" I asked and he shrugged.

"Aerith said the talk with Xemnas went…unexpectedly. She had to leave and got back really late, so I offered to stay." Leon said and I sat up even more, keeping a hand on Demyx's warm shoulder.

"Unexpectedly?" I asked and he sighed. "So, Xemnas?" I asked, not wanting to hear the truth, but wanting to know my fate.

"Nope." Leon smiled so I did too.

"Stay with Aerith?" I asked, so happy that I couldn't believe it.

"Nope." Leon repeated, confusing me even more.

"Huh?" I didn't understand.

"Go back to bed. We'll talk more in the morning." Leon said and I nodded. I went back in the covers and held Demyx, who mumbled inaudibly in his sleep before he held me back.

I had a hard time falling back asleep, but when I woke up again, I saw that Leon was gone.

"Morning." Demyx was awake before I was, so when I sat up rubbing my eyes, he sat up and rubbed my shoulder. "How do you feel?" he asked and I wondered if he was really over all the drama from the day before.

"Demy love?" I asked, pointing to my chest, feeling so small in this world.

"Of course. Look about yesterday, I'm sorry I was so impatient. I do love you Zexion. No matter what." He smiled and I nodded.

"Love Demy." I said, no smile, just a tired sigh.

"What's wrong?" he asked, picking up on my weary vibes.

"Oh, you two are awake. We should talk." Aerith walked in, with Leon.

"I told him a little bit last night." Leon said as he sat at the foot of my bed.

"Told him what?" Demyx looked from Leon to me.

"Zexion isn't staying with me anymore." Aerith said and I sighed slowly. I guess the decision really can be made without me.

"Oh." Demyx looked to me, but I continued to stare at the bedding.

"You leave tomorrow." Aerith said, which broke my trance.

"Tomorrow?!" Damn, that was so soon, and I still didn't even know where I was going or with who.

"You will still be meeting with me as a therapist, but I will no longer be your guardian." Aerith said as I frowned.

"What? Am I really that bad of an option?" Leon asked and when I looked up at him, he was smirking.

"Leon?" I asked, not sure what he meant.

"You and I are going to be roommates." Leon cleared his throat. I gulped.

"Really?" I was so excited and happy to hear that I wasn't going to be locked up.

"Mhm." Leon nodded with a smile.

"Thanks." I said to Leon, and then Aerith.

"We'll go over the details later." Aerith assured me.

"Alright, you ready?" Leon asked Aerith and she nodded.

"I have to go meet with Xemnas and Leon is going to drive me there. Can we trust you two?" Aerith placed a hand on her hip and Demyx and I each nodded.

When the two left, I let my head fall on Demyx's shoulder.

"What are you thinking?" Demyx asked and I shrugged.

"Tired." I cleared my throat as I slowly stretched my leg.

"Does it hurt?" Demyx asked as he inhaled deeply.

"Yeah." I admitted quietly.

It was quiet for a really long time before Demyx sighed.

"Well, at least you aren't going with Xemnas." He tried to sound positive, but I still felt so guilty.

"Dem, I sorry."

"For what?" Demyx asked and I was shocked at his question.

"Everything." I said quietly.

Demyx nodded. "I know you aren't trying to hurt me, and I know that this really is just a cry for help. I, I don't agree with your methods, but after hearing Leon talk, and after Axel talked to me privately yesterday, I realize that the only thing worse then you hurting yourself, is me giving up on you when you need help." I nodded, wanting so badly to say something. My throat tensed up, my mind went blank, and no words felt appropriate.

"Zex?" Demyx asked, so I moved a bit to look up into his eyes. "Say something." Demyx pushed my bangs out of my face. I looked away, trying to think of something to say. Nothing. No words. There were literally no words that could capture my thoughts, feelings, and pain that struck me within just twenty-four hours.

I returned my eyes to Demyx's, and shook my head.

"It's ok. I'm going to be patient. We're going to heal together, ok?" Demyx asked and I nodded. I secured my arms around his waist and held him as I wanted to fall back asleep, and this time, not wake up.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note:<strong> Gah, so much feels. Ok, so Zexion isn't going to be locked up but he can't stay with Aerith. Honestly I'm just too big a Leon X Cloud fan to not have more of them in this story, so I'm excited about that. So I just got a message from my cosplaying/artist/best friend who is going to **draw my works and then sell them**! They **wont be available until April**, but I am currently **working on some new stuff** for that. I say this because:

To warn you that this will delay the progress of my current stuff (but it has a deadline so it takes priority)

And in case any of you are interested, PLEASE let me know ^_^ I don't have a price on them just yet, but I'll be sure to update you all when I get more information. Thanks!

To LittleTrancyGirl: Zexion is too sweet to be stuck with Xemnas, and yes, Axel and Roxas need to hurry up and make up and make out and make love hahaha!

To xSonya: Yay for your correct prediction, and yes, I LOVE Leon! Thanks for the review!

To 13eyond-Insomnia: Thank you for the hug, one right back to ya! Thank you for the comment, hope all is well!

To FenrirDarkWolf: Yes, it is picking up, and I need to catch up, I have so much writing to do. Aww, thanks. The angry scenes are somehow the easiest to write lol.

To Yukiko no Kyuubi No Kitsune: Awwww, I hope that last chapter wasn't too bad haha. Poor Zexy, and Poor Demy, and as for Axel and Roxas, they are finally having their own sets of problems. So sad. No worries, it's ok, welcome back!

To kindofabadger: Hahaha, yes, you will get more Cleon, so stay tuned! I just love Cleon so much haha. Yes, Akuroku deserves to be back together, don't they? Lol, it's ok, I love happy endings too, but I still have so much to write for this story, so its still too early for me to say how it will end lol. Just gotta keep reading, and I have to keep writing lol.

To Keyblade Master13: Yes, poor Zexion, things can always get worse with him and it doesn't even seem fair. OMG I want a K-bar so badly lol, they are so cool! What do you want to know about Japan? It's freezing cold, like you have no idea, and the food is starting to grow on me, and I've been hanging out a lot with friends so I've been busy. How's life for you? Thanks for reviewing!

To Guest: YAY! I'm so happy that you enjoyed the last chapter! I worked really hard on it, so its nice to know it paid off haha. Awww, it means a lot that you understood this chapter the way it was meant to be read. So thank you so much for this review!

To luckycat222: Thank you for the review and for sticking with this story, and my many others! You are such a great reader haha.

To RoxasVentusHikari: Yeah, the fight was just the pathway to the scenes that are about to come. Glad you are sticking with it though haha. Life is going alright, and I hope it is going great for you!

To Otwamewliart: Awww, I always feel so bad when you tell me you cry! Dang, well congrats on 3 years! My 2 year is coming up ^_^ Yeah, the urge does come occasionally, but I have much healthier outlets, like hockey and writing and music! So congrats for you! And yes, Zexion needs to get help and move forward. Yeah, Zexion is officially running out of time, the poor dear. Now that he's with Leon, hopefully he'll get help and make progress.

To BakaTomodachi: Yay, always glad to hear that! Thanks for the review.

To SoRikuR0x: Awww, I'm so honored to have gotten such a review, thank you so super much! Oh wow, that's a lot of reading, thank you SO much for your support! I am hoping to post new stuff soon, so stay tuned! Thanks again!

To Kiara Kitsune: Hahaha, Yes, Demyx and Zexion are adorable together, and they do belong together, so hopefully with Leon's help he will heal more so he can get Demyx back! OMG, Demyx is totally a seme with Zexion, so I completely agree and I'm glad you liked the lemon. Yes, Zexy is the cute vulnerable uke. Awww, well I wouldn't know where to begin to be able to publish this but if you have any idea's, PLEASE help! Haha. Also, I will be selling some works around April, so I'll keep everyone updated when I get more information! Thank you so much for such an awesome review and for all your support!

Thank you everyone for your support, patience, and love! It means a lot!

**Living Legacy, Sarabellum**


	42. Teddy Bear

Apparently I did fall asleep, and when I woke up, Demyx was gone and Leon and Aerith were talking quietly in my room.

"Demyx had to go home, and he left you that," Leon pointed to a letter on my nightstand. I reached over in bed and took it, reading over Demyx's beautiful cursive.

-Zexion, I love you so much more than you know. Please try to understand that everything I've done concerning our relationship was with the intention of helping you heal. Right now, I need to focus on myself. I'm still hurting from my mom, I'm still hurt by my dad, and I really need to figure out what's going on with me. You'll be facing a lot of changes too, and I'm sure that you'll be busy and working hard to heal as well. Even if I don't see you as much, please know that I'm thinking of you. Please, do as Leon says, and stay fighting. I love you. ~Demyx

"You two won't be seeing each other for a while." Leon said and I looked up, both saddened and angered by his words.

"After my most recent meeting with Xemnas, we decided to pull you out of school. You'll be studying privately with Leon while under his constant supervision." Aerith clarified.

I sulked. I really didn't expect that. I was actually looking forward to school, to see Demyx and Axel and Roxas. Now, I truly was being punished.

"It's just until we can guarantee your safety." Leon said and I nodded.

"How are you feeling?" Aerith asked, tilting her head curiously before I shrugged.

"Hey, if you want to go back to school to see your friends, you shouldn't stop talking." Leon said and I nodded.

"It'll be alright." Aerith walked up to me and smiled.

I nodded once more, feeling too tired to do much else. Aerith and Leon discussed my housing situation to me as I tried to pay attention, which wasn't easy with all of the thoughts racing through my mind.

Axel, Roxas, and Demyx all stopped by, one last time to say goodbye. Leon had already moved most of my stuff to his house, not that there was much to begin with. Leon made me stay in my room until we were about ready to leave, but I really wanted to spend as much time as I could with my friends. Sadly, Leon didn't seem to agree to the extent I had hoped.

"You ready?" Leon asked me.

"Can I say goodbye to my friends?"

"Make it fast." Leon stood in the corner of the room, watching as Roxas as first to enter my room.

"I'll miss you buddy." Roxas hugged me as I sat lazily on my bed.

"I'll miss you too. Take care of Axe and Demy. Specially Demy. Never meant to hurt him." I bit my lip.

"We know Zex." Roxas smiled reassuringly. "Just focus on getting better, with Leon's help. You're in good hands." Roxas looked up to Leon, who nodded his thanks.

"Work on book," I gave Roxas homework as well.

"I will, and then when you're all done, you can read it!"

"Can't wait." I tried to stay positive.

"Wrap it up; we have to leave soon." Leon's dry personality came through, although I knew he had a point because I could spend hours saying goodbye to my only three friends.

"Well, see ya soon, ok?" Roxas asked me, almost cheerfully.

"Kay." I gave a timid smile back. Roxas hugged me again and left as Axel came in.

"Take care Zex, I'm really going to miss you." Axel held me tightly, so I gripped his body in return.

"Will miss you too Axe." His embrace was warm and welcoming.

"I know Leon will help you get the help you need, so don't fight back at him, but fight to survive, just as Leon always says. Do your best, and you will see progress." Axel reminded me. "And remember, no matter what, we will always be your family." Axel ended the hug to put his hand on my chin, and then he tilted it down before he kissed the middle of my forehead. It was so soft and sincere, so caring and raw, that I threw my arms around his neck.

"Love you Axe." I inhaled deeply. "Don't want to leave family." I confessed.

"I love you too Zex, and you're not leaving your family; you're expanding it." Axel scooted back a bit to motion towards Leon. "Leon's a good guy, so he's a part of this family now, right?" Axel asked Leon, who nodded.

"Don't think of me as a body guard. I'm here to help you, as a resource." Leon explained his role in simple terms, so I nodded that I understood.

"Thank you." I said, directed at both men in the room.

"You will be missed, but you're not going anywhere far, and you'll be safe and well looked after. Once Leon gives the ok, Demyx, Roxas, and I will be over, and before you know it we'll be having sleep overs at my house again, ok?" Axel returned his hand to my chin, so I nodded through my sadness. I didn't want to feel so distanced, but I also didn't want to let anyone down.

"Ok." I mumbled.

"Zex, stay positive, ok?" Axel winked with a grin.

"Stay fighting." Leon said. I nodded once again, but I still had this feeling of emptiness inside.

"Axe, re, remind Demy I love him, while I gone, please?" I looked up into his jade eyes with yearning.

"I'll make you a deal," Axel rolled up a sleeve of his hoodie. "If Leon tells me that you used at least one full sentence when saying goodbye to Demyx, then I will remind Demyx every weekend that you love him. If Leon tells me that you used a full sentence and that you're working hard to heal and doing everything that you can to get better, then I'll tell Demyx every damn day." Axel smiled, but I only frowned.

"I'm not sick," I whispered, tired of feeling like this giant problem that needed to be quarantined from life and people.

Axel exhaled through his nose, in thought. "Not all illnesses are physical."

"I'm not crazy!" I shouted, insulted that he would hint at such a thing.

"I never accused you of being crazy. Depression is serious Zex, and it's important to realize that."

"Not sick," I repeated with a hand on my chest.

Axel scooted closer to me and put his hand over mine.

"Instead of 'getting better', why don't we work on self-improvement? I'll work on it too, because everyone can try improving themselves, even the good stuff." Axel smiled, and I saw the approach he was taking, so I nodded.

"Thanks Axe." I smiled in my gratitude for him accommodating my need of word change. It sounds childish, but when people make me feel like there's something wrong with me, I just feel like giving up. Self-improvement does sound cheesy, but it sounds much more achievable.

"Anytime kiddo. Well, I should leave Demyx the most time to say goodbye, so I'll be in touch with Leon so that way we can all see you as soon as possible. Love you Zex." Axel hugged me again, and the second he let go, he smooched my cheek.

"Love you too Axe," I'll admit I was a little red in the face, since his lips were so warm.

"Be good for Leon," Axel winked before he left my room and Demyx entered.

"Zex?" Demyx walked in slowly and sat on my bed at my side.

"Hi Demy," I couldn't explain why, but I was nervous. That kiss on the cheek from Axel made my face turn a bit red, but just hearing Demyx utter my name, even in its abbreviated form, made my head spin.

It hit me. I wouldn't see him for a while. I gulped through my nerves as I extended a hand cautiously towards him. He smiled and took it, kissing the back as I swallowed hard yet again.

"I hate goodbyes." Demyx smiled with a timid chuckle, and I could see that he was just as nervous as I was.

"Me too," I bit my lip, wanting to smile and frown all at once.

"Well, I know that I'm going to visit you once Leon say's I can, so if you work hard, then maybe we can speed that up. Would you like that?" Demyx asked and I nodded quickly.

"I promise, will work as hard as I can." I tried to smile for the wonderful smiling boy before me.

"Good. I, I will miss you Zexy, but you won't be gone long. I, I can feel it." Demyx gave another beautiful smile as I nodded, lost in his spell.

"Will miss you every second Demy."

"I, I love you Zexion," Demyx gulped and I could feel my heart rate accelerate. It was loud and so fast that it nearly became painful to breathe. Just the idea of him actually saying goodbye was making me weak.

"Demy don't go," I whined.

"Zexion, it's not for forever." Leon reminded me, so I looked down in defeat as I nodded.

"Hey, keep your chin up. You're too beautiful smiling to be frowning." Demyx's words were so cute, I couldn't help but blush.

"Thank you Demy. I love you too. Very much." I nodded, trying to accept the circumstances that I found myself in.

"I, I'll, I'll be thinking of you."

"I will too," I spat out quickly yet quietly, wanting to get over this awful transition of goodbyes.

"B-bye," Demyx stood up and headed for the door. My heart drummed violently inside of my chest and my throat swelled up when I was reminded of Axel's deal.

"Demyx wait!" I reached out for him, even as I remained in bed.

"Yes?" Demyx was only halfway to the door when he turned around.

"I, I'm sorry, for all the times, I hurt you. I, I love you Demyx. I'm sorry I wasn't a better boyfriend. I, I should have treated you better. I'm sorry Demyx. I don't want to lose you." I confessed, taking refuge in my many pauses throughout my complete sentences.

Demyx's eyes were wide, in surprise, and then he broke into a sincere smile.

"Is there any way we could get a little privacy?" Demyx turned to Leon, who shook his head. Demyx nodded before he walked up to me on my bed, and placed his hand on the side of my neck. "I'm sorry for all of the times I hurt you too. I should have been more understanding. And listen to me, you won't ever lose me, ok?" Demyx smiled and I nodded.

"I love you," I repeated.

"I love you too," Demyx kissed my nose. He turned around to look at Leon, and then he sighed before he shrugged. "Fuck it," Demyx winked and before I could understand what he meant, he attacked my lips for a kiss, immediately begging for entrance into my mouth.

I moaned loudly as I let him in, and I rushed my hand to his neck as I placed my other palm on his chest. Demyx ran his second hand in my hair as we made out passionately, our noses doing all the work of breathing as we tried to compensate for all of the kisses we'd be missing. As I tilted my head, his tongue went in further, and when things became too complacent, I tilted my head to the other side, where Demyx would race to follow by pushing his face closer to mine. I tugged on his hair as I found myself panting, not because of the lack of oxygen, but because of the tears growing in my eyes.

Demyx shoved his tongue into the back of my throat, and I worked hard not to give away any sign of my true distress. As we kissed, I wanted to enjoy it, no tears, no fears, just love.

That plan didn't work, because the second that Demyx pulled back to take a quick gasp, I started to weep.

"Baby don't cry," Demyx wiped my tears, and before I could respond, Leon cut in.

"Come on, we have to go," Leon walked up to me.

"I don't want to go," I sniffled.

"Zexion, remember, I'm here to help you. At the same time, I have a job to do, and Xemnas is only one bad decision away. I'm not trying to scare you, but if you don't want to go with him, then I suggest you listen and try to do things that will help you get back to Aerith as soon as possible." Leon reminded me, but I still couldn't help but shake my head. I, I was scared. I didn't want to leave my friends, Aerith, or even my school. I've endured so much change in such a short period of time that I couldn't take it anymore.

"I don't want to go. Too much change. Can't take it anymore." I sobbed.

"Life is full of change and you just have to learn to deal with it when it comes." Leon unfolded his arms, and I knew that he was getting serious.

"Leon? Please? One more chance with Aerith?" I begged, but he didn't even answer as he gave me no choice but to be cradled in his thick arms.

"Don't fight Zex!" Demyx sounded just as scared as I was. I tried to push myself away from Leon, but it was no use.

"Want to walk." I grunted.

"Ok, walk." Leon let me go, but with my weak leg, I ended up on the ground. Leon squatted in front of me. "I'm going to make myself clear. I'm not a babysitter, I'm not a bodyguard, and I know I'm not your father. I will treat you with respect, just as I will prioritize your safety above all else. I expect you to respect me in return, and to cooperate. If you miss your friends as much as you say you will, then I'd advise that you listen and cooperate. Understood?" Leon asked and I nodded. "I know I don't always know everything, but for the most part, I have my reasons for what I do, and whether or not those reasons are explicitly stated, they are there." Leon lifted me back up in his arms. "I'm carrying you because I know that your leg isn't ready for your weight just yet. If you want to delay healing, I can set you down again."

"No," I whispered as Leon nodded for Demyx to leave. My …exboyfriend….waved before he obeyed Leon's order.

"This doesn't just apply to your leg. It includes your personal progress." Leon gave an analogy that made much more sense than I wanted it to, so I nodded.

My three friends were gone by the time Leon carried me to the living room, so I waited on the couch with Aerith while Leon put my last few belongings in his car.

"I'll be checking up on you regularly, ok?" Aerith asked and I nodded stoically. "Are you alright?" Aerith asked, sounding concerned.

"Don't want to make Leon mad again," I sighed. Leon is very nice, and I owed him a lot for taking me in when I easily could have ended up with Xemnas, but when he gets serious, he gets scary. I still don't think I had ever seen him truly mad yet, but I feel bad for anyone who has.

"I don't think he's mad. He just get serious when it comes to your well-being, because, well," Aerith thought for a moment before she continued. "Remember his brother, Terra?" I nodded. "Leon see's you like his little brother. Sure you two look nothing alike, but Terra meant so much to Leon, and I know deep down inside, he's still mourning his death. When he sees you in a similar spot that Terra was in, it," Once again Aerith paused. "It burns him, because he sees it at a second chance to right something he thought he did wrong. He wants to help you, and in a way, I guess you could say he's trying to help himself." Aerith smiled as I gave it more thought.

"I guess I see his point now," I admitted.

"Just remember, don't mistake his seriousness for anger. He has drive and he has good intentions. He will push you Zexion, so be prepared. But know that he has his reasons, and trust him. He really is the most qualified to help you right now." Aerith held my hand and gave it a gentle, mother-like squeeze. I squeezed it back.

"I trust him. Just, intimidating at times." I shrugged.

"He's like a bear. Strong, powerful, and assertive. But deep down inside, he's a teddy bear who can use a good hug." Aerith giggled so I chuckled along too, just as Leon walked up to us.

"What's so funny?" Leon asked, his face serious, just like his tone. I stood up slowly and took a shaky step towards him. "Be careful." He reached for me, so I grasped his arm and clung to his body before I gave him a giant hug.

"Hug," I whispered.

"Uh," Leon stood shocked for a moment before he actually chuckled and wrapped his arms around me. "Hug," he repeated with a shake of his head.

"Yep, exactly like a teddy bear." Aerith smiled with a shake of her head.

"Me?" Leon asked in shock.

"Mhm," Aerith responded.

"I am not." Leon argued, even though he kept his hands on my back.

"Yes you are. You're tough and intimidating, but you are a big softie."

"Me soft? Eh," Leon shrugged as he winked at me. "I'm strict when I need to be, but I think you'll be surprised to see a new side of me at home." Leon actually smiled at me.

"See, you are a softie!" Aerith pointed and Leon shook his head with a laugh.

"I have to be! Cloud is really serious twenty-four seven, and it's funny to see him frustrated." Leon shrugged.

"Sounds like fun." I looked up at him, since he's tall.

"Yeah, we'll have some fun." Leon assured me. "Come on, I have to be home in time to cook dinner." Leon lifted me and my bad leg off of the floor, so I swung an arm around his neck to stabilize myself.

Aerith gave me a bottle of water and a wave goodbye, so after taking some more pain medication, I joined Leon for the forty minute drive to his house.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note:<strong> Alrighty, so things are starting to stabilize here, thank god. I've been super busy lately and guess what? Things are going to get even more busy! Le sigh. I'll be constantly busy for about the next three months, thanks to the ridiculous classes I signed up for, so I'm going to post this now and try to write as much as I can in my last twelve hours of break, before its back to the hell that is college. Anyway, thanks for reading, and thank you for following. Don't forget to check out my new stuff! I posted a new story,** Always Getting Involved** (a **Soriku**!). More new stuff to come soon!

Also, I hate to say this, but from now on I probably wont be able to reply to everyone's comments :/ TRUST ME, I am reading them all at least twice, they always make me smile! (insert huge smiley face here lol). It just consumes a lot of time to respond to them all. I'm sorry! If you post a question in your comment, I'll be sure to answer it within the author's note, and** I really do appreciate EVERY SINGLE REVIEW.** Thank you for your understanding.

**Living Legacy, Sarabellum**


	43. Second Chances

The drive was quiet for the most part, but the pain killers were working wonders.

"You're leg should be rested well enough by the time we get there. You're mainly healing from the stitches, which were a cautionary measure." Leon explained to me, so I nodded.

"Doesn't hurt anymore."

"Good. Once we get there, you'll be able to walk, and I'll give you more medication before bed. When you wake up, you'll be good as new." Leon turned into his driveway.

After he parked, I got out slowly and stretched my leg, able to put pressure on it. I walked slowly by his side to the elevator of his apartment complex, and down the hall of the sixth floor, where he lived.

"Home sweet home," Leon threw open the door as I walked in.

"Cloud?" I asked curiously.

"He'll be home just before dinner. Until then you should unpack and I'll give you a tour." Leon stayed within arms reach of me as he guided me down a hall.

"So this is the bedroom. Yes, it's the only one, so yes, you'll be staying in here under mine and Clouds watch. You can use this empty closet for your clothes, and there's a bookshelf in the living room with space for your schoolwork." Leon explained as I nodded.

"Meow." a large fluffy white cat with small ears crawled into the room.

"You're not allergic to cats, are you?" Leon asked and I shook my head. "Good cause we have five." Leon sighed.

"You like cats?" I don't know why, but I was surprised to find that out.

"Believe it or not, they're all Cloud's." Leon raised his eyebrows with a shrug.

"Really?" I was more than shocked; the quiet blonde didn't look like the animal type.

"Yeah. This is Snowball, and she has a girl kitten, which is...around here somewhere." Leon looked around.

Snowball climbed up in the bed and curled up on a pillow.

"Hi kitty." I reached to pet her, but she hissed, so I drew my hand back in fear.

"I should warn you, she doesn't like strangers, or anyone, except Cloud." Leon winced.

"You don't say." I glared angrily at the spoiled cat.

"She'll growl if you just walk by her, but she won't attack you unless you try to snuggle with Cloud while she's in his lap." Leon looked at his hand, which had minor cuts.

"Protective." I huffed.

"Yep; it's annoying but Cloud loves her, so as long as I don't touch her, I can manage." Leon shrugged.

"Kitty!" I pointed to another white cat with a pink collar, who was just a fraction of the size of her mother.

"This is fluffykins." Leon said and I laughed, thinking that he was joking until I realized that he want laughing.

"Fluffykins?" I asked in disbelief.

"Cloud named the other one and I got to name this one, so I gave it the best name that I'd love to hear Cloud say." Leon smirked and I nodded.

"Smart."

"Yep. We adopted another cat, who's an orange tabby, named whiskers. Then there's the grey cat, who Cloud named Little grey cat; it was when he lost his creativity." Leon laughed so I chuckled lightly.

"Fifth cat?" I asked and Leon snapped his fingers.

"Oh yeah, I keep forgetting about him. His name is Blackey, but he doesn't come out much." Leon said.

"Oh."

"He's the smallest, and fluffykins hates him, so he usually hides from her. But, since snowball is fluffykins mom, snowball hates him too, and whiskers is usually busy tearing up something I own while Little grey cat stares out the window and meows at birds." Leon shook his head. "And that is our family." Leon

smiled. I couldn't help but smile back at how cute it all seemed. I never would have predicted that Leon or Cloud lived this sort of life, but I actually was a bit excited to now be a part of it.

"I'm going to start dinner, so come on," Leon waved as we entered the living room, which was in view of the small open kitchen. Leon made it clear to me when he drove us over that I would have to stay within his sight at all times. What that meant in respect of using the bathroom and showering, I didn't know, but I figured I'd find out eventually.

I sat on the couch while Leon prepared dinner, and the second I sat down, an adult orange cat sprang in my lap.

"Whoa!" I said in surprise before I petted the friendly cat.

"Whiskers likes you." Leon smiled as he cut up some vegetables.

"Hi whiskers." I patted his head. Then, a thin grey cat rubbed its side against my shin.

"Little grey cat gets jealous easily." Leon explained as I reached down and petted him too.

"Meow." a soft delicate meow came from fluffykins.

I petted each cat as equally as I could as they swarmed my chest and arms, each one competing for attention.

"Awww, they like you." Leon poured milk into a wide bowl. He whistled and set the bowl on the floor as all the cats ran to it. Snowball came out of the bedroom and hissed the others away, drinking first until she let fluffykins go next. Once both white cats were done, the other two shared and drank.

"Blackey?" Leon called as he had a second bowl, much smaller. "He needs a different bowl because Snowball won't let him drink out of this one." Leon shook his head. I looked around the room and saw the tiniest kitten I had ever seen sitting in the far corner of the living room.

"There." I pointed and Leon set the bowl down, a few feet away from the timid black cat.

"The poor thing is always so scared. I've tried to be nice to him but he usually runs away." Leon sighed as he backed up. Blackey slowly edged to the bowl, sniffed it, and licked several times. The kitten was so small that I knew I could hold it in one hand, and it's fur was so black, it had the most accurate name possible. It had beautiful green eyes, but it ran away before I could notice much else.

"Blackey?" I stood up and slowly approached the cat, who cowered in the corner. I knelt down, just four feet away, and held my hand out. The frail kitten opened its mouth, but no sound came out.

"He has a hard time meowing." Leon said as he watched from the kitchen.

"Like me." I smiled, connecting to this animal in such a weird way.

"Yeah, I guess you're right. Huh, look at that. Well, I think he's still too small to meow properly, but maybe you two can grow together."

I smiled, stretching my hand just a little when Blackey swatted at me with his tiny paw. It was cute to see him try to hit me, and I giggled as he tried to meow again.

"Shh, it's ok." I cooed, keeping my hand still.

"I'm home." Cloud walked through the door, so I retracted my hand and stood up to say hi.

"Hey babe." Leon washed his hands and hugged Cloud with a small kiss.

"Hey." Cloud looked at me so I gave a weak friendly smile.

"Hi."

"How was work?" Leon asked, but Cloud sighed and threw himself on the couch.

"Busy."

Snowball strutted over to Cloud, jumped in his lap, and purred as she swept her thick tail by his nose.

"Hey babygirl." Cloud ran his hand up and down her back before she planted herself in his lap.

"Dinners ready." Leon called us all to the table where we ate quietly.

"Since I'm your new guardian as part of this experiment with Xemnas, I don't have to go to work at the hospital. That means that I'll be with you every day, every hour, and you will be within my eye sight for every second of the day, got it?" Leon asked and I nodded.

We spent a few more hours discussing the rules of being Leon's roommate while continuing my education at his house, kind of like home school, all while continuing therapy with him accompanied with occasional visits from Aerith.

After dinner, Leon sat me down and we had our first 'therapy session', and I made a pact with myself to avoid crying in front of someone who doesn't look capable of such a weak action.

"Just to make sure, you aren't allergic to any kinds of foods, are you?"

"No." I shook my head.

"Good. Alright, let's get started, shall we?" Leon shooed away Little Grey cat from the couch.

"Ok." I sat down and listened to him as he started talking, ending a few minutes later with a question.

"So, when was the last time you saw your mother?"

"Ummm, almost a year." I confessed.

"You were with your aunt before Aerith, right?"

"Mhm."

"Ok, so before your aunt, about a year ago, you were with your mom?"

"Yeah."

"How long were you with her?" Leon asked.

"Two months?" I estimated.

"That's it? What about before that?"

"Was with aunt. Only spent little time mom, even when live together, she was never home." I said quietly.

"Where was she?"

"Don't know." I shrugged.

"After your father passed, you went with your aunt and uncle correct?"

"Yeah."

"Why don't you tell me about it?"

"Not much to tell. Lived with aunt but never wanted me. So felt guilty, like burden. Couldn't go anywhere else. Missed daddy, but he was gone. Wanted mommy to feel better, but was in rehab. Wasn't allowed to visit. Couple years later, saw mommy again, but she didn't want to see me, so went back with aunt cause grandma made her."

"How old were you then?"

"Ummm, eleven maybe." I shrugged.

"It must have been hard for you." Leon looked at me with sympathy.

"Yeah." I agreed quietly.

"You're brave Zexion." Leon gave me a serious look, which actually confused me.

"I am?" I didn't see how.

"You never gave up." He said as if it were so simple.

"But I cut." I held my arms out.

"You hit some speed bumps, but you never quit." Leon explained.

"Tried not to." I wanted to smile.

"Keep up the good work." Leon patted my back.

"Leon?" I asked curiously.

"What is it?"

"Head hurts." I bit my lip.

"Memories?" he asked and I nodded. "Come here," he held his arms out and I looked at him curiously before he chuckled. "What, can I not give hugs?" I actually smiled before I took him up on his offer.

"Thanks." I squeezed him, feeling the tight muscles of his arms suffocate my body warmly.

"Come on, let's get ready for bed." He ruffled my hair after he let me go.

I followed him to his room, changed into our pajama's, and crawled into bed.

"Cloud?" I wondered where the blonde was at around ten at night.

"He has the late shift. He'll be back around two am." Leon said with a sigh, as if he hated how often his boyfriend worked.

"Oh. Night." I cuddled into the blankets, not about to complain about the idea of sleeping in the same bed as the hunk of a brunette next to me. I knew nothing would ever happen with him and I'm more than faithful to Demyx, but it didn't hurt to have a snuggle buddy.

"Night." He said back. It was a bit awkward at first, how we both lied there in silence, but I decided to pretend to be asleep as I curled up to his arm. I was cold and I missed Demyx and I just wanted to be comforted, so I clung to his arm in my fake sleep, trying to break down the giant wall that Leon always seem to have up.

"Go to bed," he whispered as if he saw through my plan. I gulped to myself and held onto his arm even tighter. "Shhh it's ok." He rubbed my back, as if he could read my mind and see my troubles. "I know you miss your dad; I know you want your mom's love. Right now, you have your friends, so you should continue working to get them back in your life." Leon advised me, so I nodded into his hold.

"I'll hold you until you fall asleep, since I know you just want some relief. However, I'm going to have to let go before Cloud gets home. Consider him to be Snowball the way she is with Cloud, with me being Cloud in this analogy." Leon chuckled, so I quietly laughed back. "Goodnight Zexion." Leon said before I fell asleep.

"I love you," I heard a deep husky voice say in my sleep. I felt my heavy body move lazily before I repeated the words in an unconscious whisper.

"Did he just tell you he loves you?" another voice asked as I slowly blinked my eyes open.

"Huh?" I asked as my eyes focused on the two me before me. Leon was up and dressed while Cloud remained lying on the bed next to me.

"You just told my boyfriend that you loved him." Cloud glared at me as I gulped.

"Sorry! Sleep talk." I rubbed my eyes to show just how tired I really was.

"Whatever," Cloud got up out of the bed as Leon smirked.

"It's fine, he's just really protective." Leon said as Cloud went to the bathroom to get ready for the day.

"I noticed," I sat up and stared angrily at Snowball, who hissed at me from her special spot on Clouds desk.

"No wonder they get along so well." Leon chuckled. "Anyway, you should get up." Leon rifled through some folders by his nightstand.

"Shower?" I asked, curious how our system would work.

"When Cloud gets out, I'll let you in. I removed the razor so no shaving, and I'm going to have to watch." Leon was as direct and blunt as ever.

I wanted to frown and sigh, but I knew that it was my own damn fault that I had to be watched so seriously.

"Ok," I shrugged, getting out of bed and selecting a pair of black skinny jeans and a purple V-neck, lying it out on the bed for after my shower.

Cloud came out of the shower with a white towel wrapped around his hips, and I couldn't help but gulp as I stared at his body. I mean, holy shit. He had muscle in all the right places, without looking bulky or abnormal. I had to control my breathing before I realized how awkwardly I had been staring. Right when he walked over to his closet, Leon walked out of the room, which was followed by an uncomfortable chill.

"You Ok?" Cloud asked as he pulled boxers up under his towel and threw on some blue jeans. I nodded slowly.

"Sorry," I had to look away as he put a shirt on.

"Leon!" Cloud shouted and I panicked, hoping that he wouldn't tattle at me for staring. I'm totally in love with Demyx but it's not my fault that Cloud looks like a god when he's shirtless.

"Yeah?" Leon came back in his room.

"I forgot to get gas in Fenrir, so I'm leaving early." Cloud said and I swallowed down my nerves.

"Ok, I'll see you at dinner." Leon walked over to me as Cloud moved towards the door. The two hugged before Leon pulled Cloud into a gentle kiss with his hands on the blondes narrow hips.

"I love you." Leon said simply yet honestly.

"Love you too." Cloud said shyly.

"Bye babe," Leon said and just as Cloud took a step closer towards the door, Leon swatted his ass.

"Ow! Leon!" Cloud covered his ass with his hands.

Leon only winked before Cloud rolled his eyes and left.

"He's such a stickler sometimes." Leon chuckled and even I had to agree. It was nice to see a playful side of Leon, even if it made me miss Demyx.

"Ok, so I was thinking that for today," Len started, facing me with his back towards the door when I saw Cloud slowly creep back in the room. Cloud held a finger up to his lips, a sign for me to stay quiet, as I did. "we can go," Leon continued just before Cloud wound up his hand and just when he was about to

spank his boyfriend, Leon whipped around, grabbed Cloud's arm, threw him on the bed, stomach down, and smacked his ass.

"Ow shit!" Cloud grimaced as Leon's hand made a loud impact with the back of his jeans.

"Nice try babe." Leon rubbed the no doubt red muscle. I bit my lip as I watched, trying not to get turned on.

"Fuck Leon," Cloud pushed himself up on his toned arms.

"Well you were close." Leon smirked.

"Did you hear me?" Cloud asked but Leon only shook his head.

"I saw your hand in my peripheral vision. Don't wind up so much when attempting a sneak attack." Leon chuckled as he gave his boyfriend a hand to his feet.

"My ass hurts." Cloud said dryly.

"I'm sorry." Leon massaged Clouds ass while Cloud rested against his chest. I just stood there with wide eyes, not about to complain about the view.

Then, while the two were holding each other, Cloud got his revenge and gave his boyfriend an intense spanking.

"Shit!" Cloud took several steps back, holding his hand, which was red from hitting Leon's many belts.

Leon let out a deep laugh.

"What, you think I need so many belts to hold up one pair of pants?" Leon joked as he laughed harder.

"Fuck Leon, my hand!" Cloud slowly moved his red fingers.

"Hey, I didn't tell you to try and hit me." Leon defended himself.

"Goddamn why do you need so many?" Cloud licked his hand.

"Well, you're the one who told me that you like how it makes my ass look." Leon smirked.

"You're lucky that the kid is here." Cloud growled.

"Yeah, and why's that?" Leon asked with a grin.

"Or else I'd get my payback." Cloud huffed. "Anyway, I'm late and now I have to ride with a sore ass and a stinging hand."

"Be careful. Text me when you get there, please?" Leon asked and Cloud nodded.

"Bye, bye Zexion," Cloud said.

"Bye." I repeated before the blonde left for good.

"Sorry you uh, had to see that," Leon coughed and I shrugged.

"It's cute." I admitted, hopping Leon wouldn't think I was some kind of freak.

"We've been together for a really long time. We had our struggles too. Believe it or not...," Leon looked away, and I knew things were about to get serious. "We used to fight. Bad." Leon frowned.

"Demy and I have bad fights too," I said in shame.

"Not just yelling, I'm talking about actually fighting. We used to hit each other and everything." Leon sighed, as if in regret.

"Really?" I found that bit of news to be shocking, since they both come off as the perfect most balanced couple I've ever witnessed. "Like what?" I was curious to hear more.

"Well, we met in college, on the football team, and I was put up to a dare to try to get him naked for a picture to haze him during his first year. I hardly knew him at the time and I was straight, able to date any girl I wanted to so I didn't care if he got hurt or not. I, I was really immature, so I pretended to hit on him and eventually, after weeks of faking emotions for him, I actually fell for him. I didn't think I was gay, so it was a bit shocking, but I realized I couldn't haze him like that. I never told him that we only met because of the bet, but since I was well liked on the team, I was able to convince the guys not to tell him. They agreed, so we started going out, but when Cloud finally found out the real reason why we started talking, our relationship became violent. We used to hit each other every time we fought, which was pretty much every other day. I was stronger, he was more agile, and before we knew it, we were terrified of each other almost as much as we were scared of breaking up." Leon sat on his bed, so I sat next to him.

"You two survived. Fixed problems." I tried to cheer him up.

"This story has a point Zex; I'm not just sharing so I can remember what a dick I used to be. Cloud told me I could tell you, so I guess now is a good time." Leon sighed and I looked at him curiously, wondering what it was that Cloud had to share.

"Tell me what?" I leaned closer to him in curiosity.

"Apparently me beating up Cloud had a stronger impact than I thought it did. Whenever we fought and he hit me, I just shrugged it off and moved on, thinking it was a mutual thing, and that it was just the way our love worked. Cloud didn't have the same mentality. For about eight months, while I used to hit him when we fought, Cloud actually cut himself a couple times." Leon looked me in the eye and I gulped. "After I hit him, I used to force him into making love with me. Then I'd leave and go to my broken home while Cloud suffered the consequences. Since I was taking him without consent, we never fully undressed, so I never saw his upper arms. Then one day, I tore his shirt off and when I saw the scars in his arms," Leon's voice went weak. "I couldn't stop thinking about Terra." Leon cleared his throat with a deep cough. "I broke down, and for the first time ever, I cried in front of someone. I realized my faults, and I knew I needed to change them. I begged Cloud for forgiveness, and he struggled with it a lot at first. I slowly had to earn his trust and I was desperate to prove to him that I'd never hurt him again. I got the help that I needed to mourn Terra's suicide, while Cloud got the counseling he needed to get over all the shit I did to him." Leon ended with a deep breath out. I myself had to inhale big, taking in all the new, surprising information at once. I could never picture Leon hurting anyone, especially Cloud. It just didn't seem real. I was almost angry at him, but I knew it was all in the past. Still, I couldn't shake the uneasiness in my stomach. Leon was much more complicated a person than I first guessed, but at the same time, he's still a great guy.

"I'm not proud of who I was. I would do anything it took to take back the physical and emotional scars that I gave my true love. I am beyond lucky that Cloud has forgiven me, and hell, I'm lucky that he still even talks to me. But it was a shit ton of work. With a violent history like mine, even though I had never been convicted of anything, it was hard to find a job. It was hard to admit that I needed help. But I knew four things. I knew that I had fallen and couldn't get up on my own. I knew that I loved Cloud, and he deserved so much better than who I was. I knew that I wanted to be that person he deserved, and that with all my efforts, I could be that person. And lastly, I knew that I wouldn't let anyone, not myself or

anyone I knew, share the same fate as Terra. I admitted myself into an anger management program, and I decided to study health, because I wanted to help heal people. Ever since Terra died, I felt responsible for hurting those I professed to care about. I wanted to give up. I wanted to just throw in the towel. But that's not what life is about. Life is about second chances. So give one to yourself, and give one to Demyx. I got lucky that Cloud stayed by to support me while I healed, and that he was willing to get help as well. Don't let those opportunities pass you by." Leon patted my back.

I couldn't explain my reasoning, but without any control, I put my arms around Leon's neck.

"Thank you." I whispered as I took refuge in his strong arms. I couldn't believe that Leon would ever have such a past, but it was inspiring to hear how he turned it around.

"It is never too late to turn around. You're so much younger than I was, and I know you have it in you. Don't mistake my passion for anger. When I get heated, it's because I know you can do it. Ok?" Leon asked, rubbing my back. I nodded, exhaling with closed eyes to relax.

"Come on, let's get ready; we have some errands to run." Leon stood us both up.

We walked into the bathroom together, and I stripped shakily.

"It's ok, I'm just here to make sure you're safe." Leon reminded me as I covered myself with my hands. To be honest, the real reason why I did was because I was ashamed. My junk isn't necessarily small, but being so scrawny and naked in front of such a virile man was more than embarrassing. I knew it wasn't my first time being naked in front of Leon but somehow I was acting like it was.

"Get in," Leon instructed as he started the warm water. I shivered as I stepped in the tub, soaping myself quickly so that I could hurry up and be done with.

It was awkward as he stared at me, so I turned my back to him.

"Hey, no hiding." Leon said, but I was so uncomfortable that I didn't care.

I continued to face the wall until I felt his hand on my shoulder. "Zex, come on, finish up." Instead, I stood with my hands over my parts.

"Zexion?" Leon asked as I bit my lip.

"Don't, don't want to be watched."

"Then I suggest you finish showering soon and do the best you can to listen and get to the point in your life when you don't need to be treated like a child." Leon glared at me as I sniffled.

"Ok." I felt so disappointed in how disappointed he sounded.

Leon must have sensed because he nodded to himself. "Look, what I'm trying to say is, even though I don't trust you to not hurt yourself when the going gets rough, I know you're not an idiot who will hurt yourself for fun. And I know that you aren't going to hurt anyone else. But I have rules I need to follow because I'm liable for your safety. So until I can legally say that you're ready to take care of yourself without supervision, I'll do whatever I can to ensure your safety." Leon informed me.

"Ok." I whispered again.

Leon sighed before he turned the water off. "You want to talk?" he handed me the towel.

"No," I dried off my body as quickly as I could.

"Zexion." He called my name sternly, so I looked into his eyes. "You're going to be here with me for a while. I don't want to intimidate you beyond basic communication. We can talk." He smiled.

"Don't have anything to say." I confessed quietly.

"You miss him a lot, don't you?" he asked, and I found it to be random, so I looked at him in confusion.

"Demy?" I asked.

"No, your dad. You cried out for him in your sleep." Leon said as I wrapped the towel around my waist.

"I, I don't remember." I looked to the bathroom tile.

"You said something about medicine too." Leon added and when I looked up into his eyes, I blinked moister back into mine. "Come here," he offered me a hug so I took it, holding onto him. "You know what's funny, is that when you cried for your dad the second time last night," Leon rubbed my back soothingly. "Cloud held you tightly to calm you down. It worked, since you were silent after that, but I, I would have never guessed for Cloud to do something like that. He hates snuggling and sleeping at the same time. I can't even get him to hold my hand as we fall asleep. But he held you for most of the night." Leon pulled back from the hug as I thought about what roles these two men now had in my life.

"Th-thank you." I threw my arms around him again, just wanting to feel like I had a place and people to belong to.

Once I finished my hug, I dressed quickly and then followed Leon into the kitchen.

"After we eat, I have to go grocery shopping. Then I want to go get you some more clothes that aren't black, and then go get take out for dinner." Leon said.

"Aerith bought me color clothes." I said and Leon nodded.

"She did, but you need more. I'll admit I love black and it's almost all that Cloud owns, but I think it might do you some good to brighten up a bit more." Leon kept his eyes on his food as he ate his bacon and eggs.

"Thank you." I said before I shoved my fork in my mouth. I preferred black, but of he was going to pay for me to get new clothes, I wanted him to know that I was grateful.

"Of course," Leon said before we finished eating. Leon did the dishes while I sat in the living room, on the couch with little grey cat and whiskers. The breakfast bar from the kitchen gave Leon full view of the living room, which was convenient because I didn't feel so much like a prisoner stuck to his side. As he cleaned up, I pet the two cats, trying to give them equal attention as they fought for my hands.

"I sorry!" I apologized to whiskers because little grey cat got extra love since his

tail tickled my nose.

"You ready?" Leon had his car keys in his hand as he motioned for me to stand.

"Bye kitties." I waved goodbye and followed after Leon.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note<strong>: Ok, still super busy on this end, working on new stuff and trying to update everything else. I just wanted to say thanks for the love and support, the reviews mean a lot!

To FromSoraXWithLove: Thanks, I am a huge Cleon fan, what can I say? They're just too amazing on their own to not be together lol.

To xSonya: Awww, well it means a lot that you are still following this story! Yes, Zexion needed a break from other distractions, and who would want more Cleon? Thank you for the support!

To LittleTrancyGirl: I wish there was more time in the day, or preferably at night so I could sleep more haha.

To StormFlight: Awww, first of all, EVERY review you write on one of my stories will be read at least three times, so thank you, and no need to doubt haha. That means so much for me to hear. I hope all goes well with your fanfiction!

To kindofabadger: Thank you, you are so understanding, especially when I need it most. It means a lot to me. I hope that you enjoy these Cleon scenes!

To FenrirDarkWolf: Lol, yay for random 'aww' moments! I'm glad that the sad/sweet combo was conveyed, its one of my favorite types of mixed emotions. Thanks for the review.

Don't forget to check out **Always Getting Involved**, my newest **Soriku**!

**Living Legacy, Sarabellum**


	44. Living Legacy

"Alright, we need vegetables, fruit, shaving gel, deodorant, protein bars, and eggs." Leon read down his list.

"That's it?" I asked, a bit surprised at how small his list was in comparison to how Aerith buys everything she needs at once.

"No, those are just the things to look out for, on top of whatever we see that we want." Leon grabbed a cart and started pushing.

"Ok." I shrugged causally before we went down each row and filled our cart.

After returning back to Leon's apartment, we put the groceries away, did a little bit of homeschooling, which consisted of me explaining my work to Leon who never questioned my answers, and then we went clothes shopping.

"Alright, well the government is giving me munny to spend on you, so get whatever you like." Leon's shopping approach was far different than Aerith's as he waited for me to walk into the store.

"Um, new to shopping." I winced.

"It's ok, I kind of am too. I only buy clothes that I think would look good on Cloud, and he does the same for me, so we never really buy clothes for ourselves." Leon chuckled.

"Don't need much." I put a hand to my chin, still not believing that I really needed to buy more clothes on top of what Aerith had purchased for me.

While it took an hour and a half with Aerith, the same process only took twenty five minutes with Leon, and we got just about the same amount of clothes too. But at least with Aerith we didn't run into any idiots.

As Leon and I were walking to the register, Xigbar and I made eye contact. I tried to look away to avoid all confrontation with Leon by my side, but Xigbar didn't seem to notice that I was with the muscular brunette.

"So, what's a loser like you doing ditching school?" Xigbar chuckled me as I looked to Leon, who looked at me as if he were curious to see how I'd handle it on my own. It was after school hours but I obviously didn't show up to class.

I decided to just ignore Xigbar, but that plan didn't work as the creep walked right up to me with a hand on my chest.

"Hey, loser, I'm talking to you." Xigbar stared into one of my eyes as I gulped.

"Leave me alone." I shoved his hand off of me.

"As if you can order me around."

"Don't touch me." I was clear yet not abrasive about it.

"That's not what Demyx said this morning." Xigbar snickered, as I growled.

"Shut. Up." I kept my voice low and calm despite the difficulty.

"I had to tell him that, he was moaning so loudly." Xigbar said with a twisted smirk as I lost it.

"You little," I wound up my arm before Leon caught it.

"Get lost." He told Xigbar.

"Heh, so you did get a body guard?" Xigbar smiled, but I was the one smiling when Xigbar gulped as Leon stood nose to nose with him.

"I said, Get. Lost." Leon was so quiet yet so stern it made me grin as I saw Xigbar shake.

The one eyed creep didn't say another word as he left, and when Leon turned back to face me, I looked down at my shoes.

"Thanks."

"You know him from school?" Leon asked, and as we paid for the clothes and loaded up into the car, I proceeded to tell Leon about the mini fight Xigbar and I had at the dance.

"Well, I must say, good job for the punch." Leon supported me as I gave a nervous smile. The rest of the car ride was silent until we made it back to the house, where Cloud was waiting for us.

"Hey, you hungry?" Leon asked his boyfriend.

"M; you?" Cloud asked me.

"Yeah," I nodded.

"Dinner will be ready soon." Leon assured us.

"Hi little grey cat," I greeted.

"Meow,"

"Snowball," I pointed like a three year old as the spoiled white cat jumped into Cloud's lap, snuggling up to the blonde's stomach.

"That's my territory." Leon growled from the kitchen.

"Don't be jealous of a cat," Cloud said plainly.

"Just as long as it knows its place." Leon grumbled.

"Blackey?" I looked around curiously with no success.

I decided to go look for the kitten because I had nothing better to do, and the living room was spacious enough for me to explore while still being within both Cloud's and Leon's sight.

"Blackey?" I called once more, smiling when I found that tiny cat.

"Blackey," I reached for the timid animal, who was hiding by a bookshelf in the corner.

"Meer!" the kitten backed up, frightened.

"Come here," I stretched my arm out. He tried to hiss but no sound came out and as he tried to run away, I caught him, taking the trembling cat from its hiding place.

"Hey there," I snuggled the frantic kitten to my face, kissing its fluffy cuteness.

"You so cute!" I held the cat up to my nose, looking into its harsh green eyes.

"Meer!" It meowed an adorable threat.

"You even cuter cause can't meow." I giggled. It almost made me sad because it reminded me of what Demyx used to say about me when I first tried to use full sentences.

When I had that realization, I held Blackey close to my chest.

"We learn meow together, k?" I asked before I kissed his head. I put him back on the floor, watching as he took off, shaking my head before I sat next to Cloud on the couch.

"Anything good?" I asked Cloud as he flipped through the channels, just trying to start a conversation but that didn't work too well.

"M," Cloud grunted as he usually does and I couldn't even tell if that meant yes or no so I just rolled my eyes.

When dinner was ready, Leon called us over to the table.

"Thank you." I said as Leon put the plate of premade food in front of me. I knew I was going to miss Aerith's fresh home-made cooking, but I can't cook either so I knew I was in no position to complain.

We ate as Leon and Cloud discussed some stuff about work.

"You ok?" Cloud asked me after I went without speaking for over twenty minutes.

"Huh?" I was getting used to listening that I forgot I was even included into the conversation.

"You've been quiet." Leon chuckled.

"Nothing to say." I shrugged.

"How was shopping?" Cloud asked, although I could tell he really wasn't that interested.

"Good." I answered simply.

"He ran into an old friend." Leon smirked at me.

"Demyx?" Cloud asked, but I shook my head.

"Not a friend." I muttered.

"Apparently Zexion beat up some guy at the school dance." Leon said on my behalf.

"You what?" Cloud was no doubt shocked.

"Didn't beat him up." I corrected Leon's exaggeration. "Just hit him couple times."

"Why?" Cloud asked so I shrugged.

"Was hitting on Demy." I said as I stared at my food.

"So he tried to take your boy?" Cloud asked and I nodded. "What did Demyx do?"

"Got mad." I scoffed grumpily. "Didn't understand, was trying to defend him. Defend us." I explained.

"I'm sure it's because of what his parents did that he didn't see it the way you did." Leon suggested as he stuffed his mouth.

"Yeah, that's what Axe said."

"It's always easier when you're the one doing the defending, but Since Demyx was in the middle of it, it was different for him." Cloud said.

"What do you mean?" Leon asked the question that I had as well.

"Well, when you would beat up guys who used to hit on me, I felt awkward. Responsible." Cloud shrugged lightly.

"You weren't flirting back, so it wasn't your fault."

"Still, wasn't easy watching you go crazy." Cloud rolled his eyes.

"I didn't go crazy." Leon scoffed at the idea.

"Leon, I had a guy smile at me and wave so you gave him a black eye and tried to knock out his teeth." Cloud said as if he were still annoyed by the memory.

"He had it coming." Leon defended himself.

"He just smiled at me." Cloud glared back. "You were so defensive, so aggressive."

"Only because I loved you so much." Leon said and I found myself nodding, thinking the same damn thing about me and Demyx.

Cloud wiped his mouth with his napkin before he stood up mid-meal. "Not back then you didn't." Cloud walked up to Snowball who was on the couch, scooped her into his arms, and then went into his bedroom, slamming the door behind him.

I turned to Leon, who sighed.

"Sorry," I felt responsible somehow for what seemed like their first fight with me there.

"Why are you apologizing? You didn't do anything wrong." Leon offered me an encouraging smile.

"You two guna be ok?" I asked, officially sick of seeing couples fight.

"Yeah, we'll be fine. Every once in a while, Cloud and I are reminded of our past, like what I told you about. It hurts, but we know that our love with push through it all. I know I have to be patient with his healing, because he was patient with his forgiving of my mistakes." Leon smiled again, so I smiled too.

It was silent before I heard Leon sigh.

"What you guna do now?" I wondered as Whiskers and Little Grey Cat play fought on the ground.

"Well, I want to talk to him, but I can't leave you out here alone and I don't think it's fair that you'd have to hear us fight." Leon said in thought. I looked over to the cats, wishing they could count as guardians, but since they couldn't, I knew what had to be done.

"It's ok. Just want you two happy." I said, really being selfish since I just wanted the awkwardness to end.

"Right, come on." Leon smiled and stood up, so we both went into the bedroom, Leon first.

Cloud was lying on the bed, watching TV with Snowball on his tummy.

"Can we talk?" Leon asked, sitting by Cloud as I sat at Leon's desk and grabbed a book to look as busy as I could without intruding.

"About?" Cloud didn't seem to care.

"I don't want you mad anymore," Leon said sweetly.

"I don't want to talk." Cloud said grumpily, like a stubborn child.

"Ok, well why I don't I talk, and we go from there?" Leon suggested.

"Not interested." Cloud turned up the volume as I frowned behind my book.

"When you are interested will you tell me so we can work things out?" Leon asked but Cloud only sighed.

"Not interested." The blonde repeated as he stood up with Snowball in his arms and left the room.

I looked to Leon, who had this look of sorrowful confusion on his face. When we made eye contact, he gave me a small smile, as if to provide hope in the strangest way.

"Count to three," he said quietly, so I counted in my head and with my fingers, and in exactly three seconds, Cloud opened the bedroom door.

I looked up and watched as he let Snowball fall out of his arms before he crawled back on the bed and cuddled his body up to Leon's.

"I'm sorry." He said quietly, so I put my book up to my face to give them privacy.

"It's ok." Leon responded.

"Go ahead. Talk." Cloud proposed, so Leon let out a deep breath.

"I wanted to apologize for our past. I'm sorry I used to hurt you Cloud. Please know that I love you so much," Leon said calmly.

"I know. I love you too." Cloud's words were dry but somehow I could sense something more.

It went silent so I peeked from my book to see Cloud's lips entangled with Leon's, each of them holding the other's face, as if they couldn't decide who would be the more dominant. I smiled but didn't even realize it until Cloud opened his eyes during the kiss, looked at me, and then growled.

"What?" Leon pulled back with a grin as Cloud continued to eye me. I gulped before Leon turned to see what Cloud was staring at, before he chuckled. "Be nice," he said to Cloud, who mumbled inaudibly before he hid his face in Leon's neck.

I thought it was cute, so I quietly giggled as Leon laughed.

"Be a good boy," Leon rubbed Cloud's back.

"I'm tired." Cloud mumbled.

"You want to nap?" Leon suggested, and Cloud nodded. "Come on," Leon laid down with Cloud in his arms.

"Leon, I can't sleep." Cloud wriggled.

"But I want to hold you." Leon chuckled, keeping Cloud close.

"Leon!" Cloud grunted.

"Haha, if you can break free I'll let you sleep uninterrupted." Leon challenged his boyfriend, and I watched in an entertained envy as Cloud twisted and squirmed in Leon's thick arms.

"Grrr!" Cloud huffed and moaned. "Leon I can't!" Cloud panted as he used his strength to try to break free.

"Keep trying." Leon wrapped his legs around the blondes.

"Leon let me go!" Cloud struggled.

"Give me a kiss first." Leon smirked.

"I'm going to kill you once you let go." Cloud coughed.

"You should have told me that after you got me to let go, but since I love you," Leon released the tight grip that he had on his boyfriends body.

"You're such a dick Leon," Cloud stood up and grunted loudly.

"I sorry baby." Leon pouted before he stood up next. "Can I have a hug?"

"No." Cloud said grumpily.

"But you're so cute when you're angry." Leon chuckled.

Cloud thought for a moment before he sighed. "Quick hug. I swear to god if you trap me," Cloud started.

"I just want a hug." Leon gave his boyfriend a sweet hug.

"The kid's still staring at us." Cloud said before I cleared my throat and hid behind my book.

"You want a hug too?" Leon asked and I gulped. They both had hot bodies; who wouldn't want a touch?

"Ok." I stood up from the desk chair and hugged Cloud first, then Leon.

"I need a drink. Too many touchy feelings." Cloud rolled his eyes before he went to the kitchen as Leon shook his head with a smile.

"You two sweet." I said, hoping they didn't think I was weird for having watched. I mean in all honesty, I only wish they'd do more. I know I sound like a creep but I am only human here.

"Thanks. He has a soft side, he just doesn't show. You have to find it, and of course once you find it he tries to hide it again." Leon chuckled. "But that's what I love about him. Keeps me on my toes." Leon winked before Cloud came back with a deck of cards in his hand.

"I want to play." He said plainly.

"Ok." Leon smiled and we all sat on the large bed, playing card games.

We played up until bedtime, where I snuggled between the two men, trying not to bother either.

"Night." Leon said comfortably.

"Night." I echoed.

Cloud said nothing until Leon cleared his throat loudly.

"Night."

* * *

><p>The next day, Leon woke me up early, and I had no idea as to why.<p>

"Get up. Now." Leon turned on the lights as I groaned.

"Why?" I mumbled.

"We're going to the gym." Leon answered dryly.

"The gym? Is only four am!" I rolled over.

"Come on." Leon ripped my blankets off.

"Cold," I grumbled. I noticed that Cloud was already gone for a morning shift, but that didn't mean that the rest of us had to be up early!

"If you get up, you'll be warmer." Leon took my pillow from under my head.

"Ugh," I groaned as I sat up.

I threw on a T-shirt and basketball shorts as well as my new running shoes that Leon bought me when we went clothes shopping.

"Ready to break those in?" Leon asked me and I could only glare at him. "Come on," Leon patted my back before we walked to the gym, a twenty minute march in the crisp morning air. I could hardly open my eyes, even as we made it inside the sweaty gymnasium.

"Alright, since it's your first day, we'll start you off with something light." Leon said as I nodded, grateful that he was at least taking those basic facts into consideration. "Just a three mile run," He tried to smile, but I was clearly unhappy with his logic. "You ok?" he asked after I continued to glare at him.

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?" I rolled my eyes, and he actually chuckled in amusement. I could hardly breath as I ran much faster than I ever had to in PE, and I said a prayer in hopes that three miles magically passed within the first two minutes that I tried to keep up with the machine.

After ten minutes, I could hardly feel my legs or my chest.

"Leon, done," I begged, hoping I had achieved three miles somehow, since Leon insisted that he place a work out towel over my treadmill. He explained that it's better to run without anticipating and rationalizing an end.

"Almost," Leon said after he checked under my towel, all while he sprinted twice as fast as I was with not even half the energy.

"Please!" I gasped.

"Not yet,"

"I can't," I jumped up onto the sides of the machine to save myself.

"Zexion, get back." Leon ordered, but I shook my head.

"No, I done." I huffed, out of breath.

"Then you will wait here until I'm done." Leon's voice didn't even bump as he strode in perfect form. I rolled my eyes before I collapsed to my ass, trying to make up for all of the oxygen I felt I lost while running.

We spent the rest of the week doing school work, trying to get closer to Blackey without scaring him away, and going to the gym each morning at four, bright and early. I slowly began to notice how I was able to run longer reach time, although I could never catch up with Leon. He said that it'd take time, but the idea of such time caused me to miss my friends more and more, and with each passing day, I was working harder in hopes to reunite with those three friends I'm lucky to have.

After a couple weeks, I was getting used to living with Cloud and Leon, and in a weird way, I actually preferred it. Don't get me wrong, I missed my friends so damn much, especially Demyx. But here with Leon and Cloud, there weren't any unnecessary distractions. I didn't have to stress over the sorrowful end of Axel's and Roxas' relationship since I decided that worrying wouldn't do me any good in the position I was in. And as guilty as I feel for saying it, I didn't even have to worry about Demyx. Being limited so strictly really did help me focus on myself, which is what I really needed.

The only thing that sucked was the sexual frustration. Since I had already had sex with Demyx, I found myself wanting it more than usual, and seeing how cute Cloud and Leon are didn't help. They never did anything, but sometimes I would wake up at random hours of the night and I could hear them kissing. Then, the other morning, I heard them doing more.

"Sh, you'll wake him up." Leon whispered.

"But I want a kiss." Cloud whined.

"K, now go back to bed."

"Leon, I'm not a child."

"Baby, we agreed, no sex until Zexion's ready to go back with Aerith."

"I don't need sex, I just wanted you to stroke me."

I kept my eyes closed as I tried to maintain a sleeping illusion.

"Ok, but no moaning."

I felt Leon's arms around me so I whimpered before he hummed softly.

"Shh, it's ok Zexion." He cooed before he laid me down. I peeked to see that he switched places with me to go in the middle. His back was to me as he spooned Cloud, giving him a handjob while they thought I was asleep.

"Ah," Cloud moaned.

"Babe, finish in the bathroom." Leon whispered quietly.

"This is ridiculous." Cloud grunted as he got out of bed. He slowly creaked the bathroom door to a close before Leon pulled me back in the middle. I fidgeted, still awake enough to know what was going on, but Leon calmed me down by holding me in bed. I could hear Cloud lightly panting from the bathroom, and Leon turned his head around as if he were trying to listen better, but then he sighed before he relaxed his head on the pillow, right behind my head.

"Sorry I ruining things." I whispered. I didn't want them to know I overheard, but at the same time, I felt guilty, as usual. Leon held his breath before he coughed.

"G-go, go back to bed," he whispered quickly. I rolled over and hugged him, not letting go, feeling lonely without my Demyx, just wanting to be held. Leon exhaled loudly through his nose just as Cloud came out of the bathroom.

It was silent until I fell asleep again.

When I woke up, Cloud was at work and Leon was at his desk in the bedroom.

"Morning." I sat up and rubbed my eyes.

Leon didn't say anything as he sat at the foot of the bed.

"I'm sorry you had to hear that last night." Leon didn't look at me as he folded his hands over his knees.

"Is ok. Sorry I listened." I knew it wasn't really my fault but it felt appropriate to apologize.

"It won't happen again. I informed Cloud." Leon said and I hoped that things wouldn't get awkward.

"Don't, don't want you two to suffer cause of me." I whispered.

"Nonsense. It was wrong of us." Leon nodded calmly.

"No, you two in love." I don't know why but I felt like it was important to defend their relationship.

"It's not the responsible thing to do. I'm sorry." Leon cleared his throat, as if to signal the end of our conversation.

Things weren't too bad as Cloud came home, and we all acted as if nothing had ever happened, which was most convenient for everyone.

"Welcome home." Leon greeted his boyfriend.

"Hey." Cloud said dryly.

"Hug?" Leon asked with open arms. Cloud just stared at me as I gulped uncomfortably.

"Sorry," I whispered.

"Zexion, you haven't done anything wrong, no need to apologize." Leon chuckled.

"I'm going to shower before dinner." Cloud excused himself as Leon sighed. I wanted to apologize again, but remained silent. I worked on some school work quietly while Leon did some paper work while Cloud remained in his bedroom.

It was really quiet before Leon told me I could take a break, which I spent playing with Blackey as he chased after a laser that served as a cat toy. After just ten minutes of that, Leon said it was time for another therapy session, where I got my first visitor since moving in with these two.

* * *

><p>"Hello Zexion," Aerith gave a friendly smile as she sat on the couch.<p>

"Hi Aerith." I sat next to her. I hadn't seen her in a while, but it was good to see a familiar face.

"Long time no see, huh?" Aerith gave me half a hug as we sat beside each other, with her clipboard and pen still in hand.

"How's Demy?" I knew that my friends were still having contact with Aerith, because they're just that amazing.

"He's doing great. He really misses you though. But don't worry, he's willing to wait while you continue working with Leon. So, why don't we start today's session?" Aerith clicked her pen, ready to write.

"Ok," I shrugged, hoping I'd get something easy to talk about.

"I wanted to talk with you about your dad," Aerith suggested as I gulped.

"Oh," I didn't want to talk about him. After Leon informed me that I cried for him in my sleep, I didn't want to think about how much I really do miss him. In fact I just knew that Leon told her, which is why she probably thought we should discuss it.

"How does that sound?" She asked, so I decided to be honest.

"I don't want to." I whispered.

"Is there something else you'd rather talk about?" She tilted her head, but I could only sigh as I shook my head. I didn't want to talk about anything. "Zexion, it's ok. We'll walk through this together." She put her hand on mine. "If you're calling for him in your sleep, then clearly you still have a lot going unsaid. It might help to get it out." Aerith smiled so I nodded.

"Kay." I decided to just try to get as far as I could on that subject without making myself look weak. I really wanted Aerith to see the effort I was putting in to make progress, since I wanted to see Demyx again.

"It'll be ok." Aerith encouraged once more before she asked me to think about the happiest moment I remember with my dad. I knew doing so would be bittersweet, cause not only would it make me smile at the good times, but also make me want to cry at his lose. Nonetheless, I wanted to make Aerith proud, so I gulped before I replayed the memory in my head as I verbally described it all to Aerith.

I was sitting on my bed, waiting patiently to go to the zoo to see the animals like my father had promised for weeks.

"Where do you think you're going?" My mother mocked me as she came into my room, looking at me as if I were crazy to have on my shoes and a hat.

"To the zoo, with daddy." I answer quietly.

"No you're not." She crossed her arms.

"But daddy promised." I pouted.

"Daddy lied. He can't take you cause you're a bad boy Zexion." My mother shook her head as I sniffled.

"I'm sorry." I started to cry lightly.

"You're such a bad boy!" She yelled louder, and before I knew it she pinned me to the bed on my stomach, spanking me as I cried loudly.

"I'm sorry!" I screamed as she hit me repeatedly.

"Such a bad boy!" Her voice guilted me as I tried to think of what I did wrong between my pants and gasps of pain.

"Ok!" I agreed, hoping it'd make her stop.

"What's going on?" My dad came in the room, probably after he heard us shouting.

"He's such a brat!" My mother hit me again, for about the tenth time.

"Leave him alone," My father pulled her away from me and they continued to cuss at each other as they went into the hallway. I trembled lightly, still in pain when my father came back into my room. I thought he was going to make me feel better, until he pushed my face into my bed, pulled down my pants, and swatted my ass.

"Owwy!" I cried into my bedding.

"Why did you call your mother crazy?" he asked and I was too busy crying to say that I hadn't. Right away I knew my mother had lied to him, just to get him on her side. Since I didn't respond, he spanked me harder. "Answer me!" he ordered, so I tried to control my hyperventilating, but failed. He shook his head before he hit me again so I let out a loud wail.

"I didn't!" I answered honestly.

"You didn't call mommy crazy?" He asked as he huffed and I was quick to shake my head.

"Love mommy." I sniffled. It's true that at that age, I didn't know the severity behind my mother's condition, so I still thought there was something to love about her.

My dad ran out of my room and continued to yell at my mom while I cornered myself into my bed with my back to a wall, hiding behind a pillow as a shield while my butt stung from his handprint mixed with the damage my mother already did. I was there for no more than two minutes before my dad entered back inside my room, looking at me as I shook in fear.

My dad sighed as if he were so exhausted mentally before I let out another sob, slowly rubbing my ass.

"Oh Zexion," My dad shook his head in shame as I whimpered. "I'm so sorry buddy." He sat down next to me, waving me over, but I shook my head rapidly. "It's ok," he smiled at me, but I continued to shake behind my pillow. "I'm sorry." He said as I cried.

"Don't want another spanking." I felt tears race down my cheek.

"No, no more spankings." He held his arms out so I slowly crawled on my bed over to him. "I'm sorry baby." He held me as I finished crying.

"Hurts so bad." I quaked.

"Let's see," he took a look before he sighed again. "You're a bit red, but it'll go away soon, ok?" He rubbed my back to calm me down. "You're strong Zexion. You'll be ok." He smiled at me before he kissed my cheek. "I love you Zexion."

"Love you too daddy. Sorry, sorry I'm a bad boy." I sniffled.

"No Zexion, you're not a bad boy. You're a good boy. You're a great boy." My dad smiled widely as I rubbed my eyes. "And guess what?" he said with excitement as I looked at him curiously. "Good boys get to go to the zoo. You want to go?" he asked and I nodded quickly. "Good. Come on." He picked up my hat, which had fallen off while my mom spanked me, and placed it securely on my head. He stood up and I did too, but my butt hurt too much to walk.

"Daddy," I whined before I tugged at the back of my pants. "It hurts," I whined.

"My poor boy," My dad picked me up and walked out of my room.

"You're going to take him?" My mother asked as if she were angered by the idea.

"We'll be back late." My dad remained short.

"He doesn't deserve to go! He's a horrible son!" My mother shouted as I started to shake again, even as my dad held me.

"Zexion, be a good boy and think about what animals you want to see at the zoo." My dad said as he put me in my car seat, since I was too short and light to ride without one in the backseat. I realize now that he was doing so to distract me from my mom since she had followed us outside to yell at us.

"Umm," I watched as he shut the door and yelled at her. They were screaming before he shook his head, got into the drivers seat, and locked the car doors.

"Go on, tell daddy what you want to see." My dad backed the car up even as my mother continued to yell.

"I want to see the penguins." I said first, not thinking that my dad was paying attention.

"Yeah? The penguins? They're cute huh?" he smiled into the rear view mirror as I nodded. "Just like my Zexion." He smiled before I laughed. "What else?"

"Hmmm, a tiger!" I thought of something wild.

"A tiger? That's a great animal. What about this animal? It's got a long neck, and spots. What animal am I thinking of Zexion?"

"Giraffe!" I answered quickly.

"A giraffe, right. And what about an animal that eats bamboo?"

"Panda bear." I answered with a head nod.

"Mhm, and the animal that runs super fast?"

"A cheetah!" I clapped as I remembered.

"You are so smart Zexion." My dad smiled at me, making me feel proud.

"I like animals." I said as we reached the parking lot.

We spent the entire day looking at as many animals as we could, and of course we started with the penguins. I was having the best day of my life, which got even better when, right after lunch, my dad bought me a stuffed penguin plush. I held onto that thing for the rest of the day, naming it "Pengy" as we continued to explore the zoo. My dad taught me so much about each animal, and I did my best to memorize everything he said as if it were the most valuable information ever.

As the day came to an end, we started walking back to the car. By then, the full day of walking caught up to my still sore body.

"Daddy," I whined as I tried to keep up with him.

"What is it?" he asked.

"My, my bottom hurts." I walked funny to try to avoid pain.

"Here, I'll carry you." My dad put me up on his shoulders, like he had done when I saw the elephants and the monkeys.

"Daddy?" I couldn't help but sniffle.

"What's wrong?" he looked up above his head.

"I, I don't want to go home." I felt guilty for saying it, but I wanted to tell him.

He didn't say anything at first, but then he bounced me up on his shoulders to get my attention.

"Do you want to go get a hamburger? We can go get some milkshakes?" He offered so I grunted in affirmation. After a prolonged dinner, we were back in the car. I was squeezing onto Pengy my penguin as I fell asleep in my car seat, and when I woke up, I trembled.

"No spanking!" I jolted, not thinking as I gulped after the words were out.

"Shh," My dad lifted me out of my car seat. "It's ok. No spanking." My dad whispered before we went inside my house. "No spanking." He repeated as he set me in my bed.

"Daddy don't go." I hated the idea of him leaving.

"Go to bed Zexion." He instructed before he left. I couldn't help but silently cry before I heard him and my mom fighting again.

"He's not safe anymore!" My dad's voice boomed. My mother retorted but I couldn't make out the words before my dad yelled again.

"You're going to scar him if you keep this up! He woke up screaming about not getting hit cause of the shit you're doing to him, and the shit you're making me do!" I hated hearing my dad sound so angry, especially when that day was supposed to be a good day. I did the only thing I knew how to do, and sobbed.

"Quit lying to yourself!" I heard my mother's voice.

"The poor thing is traumatized and you're making it worse! If you don't change things it won't be long till he goes crying to some stranger and then the cops will show up and take my little boy away from me cause your drugged up ass can't do shit! Just go to bed and let me deal with it." My father said before he came into my room as I sat up with Pengy in my arms. "What's the matter baby?" My dad sat down on my bed as I sniffled.

"Don't want daddy mad at me." I gulped shakily. My dad sighed.

"I'm not mad at you Zexion. Go back to bed." He ruffled my hair.

"Can't. Don't want to have another nightmare." I sniffled loudly.

"Did you have one last night?" My dad asked me, so I nodded honestly. "There aren't any monsters Zexion, you'll be ok." He informed me, but I shook my head.

"Nightmare was about mommy and daddy yelling." I whispered. My dad looked at me with wide eyes before he put his head in his hands.

"I can't do this anymore." He said quietly as I wondered what he meant.

"Daddy please?" I sat up, still holding onto Pengy. "I don't want to sleep alone." I begged. He looked at me with sorrow before he nodded with a quick and random smile.

"How about we make a fort downstairs and sleep in it?" He proposed, so I nodded. We made a tent from chairs and the table and the couch that took up half the living room. I hid inside while he got pillows.

"Password?" I asked before I would let him in.

"Ummm, Zexion?" he guessed, but I giggled.

"Nope."

"Penguin?" He asked and since I didn't have a password to begin with, I laughed again.

"Penguin!" I repeated before I lifted our blanket door. He set the pillows done, and I even had one for Pengy.

"Ok, come on, let's go to bed." My dad laid down next to me. I nodded as I held onto Pengy.

"Night Pengy. Night daddy." I curled up by his side.

"Night Pengy. Night Zexion." My dad kissed my forehead. "Thank you for being a good boy." He whispered just as I fell asleep. I was so tired that when I woke up, I discovered that I had been moved to my bed without Pengy. I raced out of bed to find him, but instead, I saw my mother sitting on the couch by the fireplace.

"Morning." She smiled.

"Morning." I gulped as I walked over to her.

"Did you have fun at the zoo?"

"Mhm."

"I'm sure you did."

"Where's Pengy?" I asked.

"Who?"

"Pengy. My penguin." I whined.

"That?" She asked as she pointed to the fireplace. My eyes flooded as I let out a loud wail for my penguin.

"Pengy!" I watched as it was already burning.

My mother said nothing as I ran up to the fire, wondering if I could pull it out.

"Pengy?" I reached for it before my father rushed over to me and pulled me away.

"Zexion no! You could get hurt!" he screamed at me before he spanked me. I let out a shriek of pain, more emotional than physical.

"Pengy!" I yelled as I pointed, still crying.

"What did you do?" he asked me but instead I turned to my mother, who chuckled. "Why?" he asked her but she didn't answer.

"Pengy?" I sniffled as I looked to my dad.

"Next time we go to the zoo, you can get a new pengy, ok?" he asked but I shook my head.

"Pengy!" I pointed to my burning stuffed animal.

"It's gone Zexion." My dad said firmly, but I didn't want to believe him, so I reached again towards the fire. "Weren't you listening?" My dad yanked my arm and smacked my butt roughly a good three times.

"I'm sorry!" I cried out. "No more spankings. Oh, no more spankings. Please no more spankings!" I begged as I chocked on my tears.

"Zexion I," My dad sounded like he regretted his actions, but I ran to my room. I cried on my bed, wondering why I couldn't have my one friend, Pengy; wondering why my mom had to be sick; wondering why all this was happening to me. Then there was they yelling. My mom was sobbing as my father screamed and I couldn't help but blame myself for everything.

Thirty minutes later, my dad came into my room.

"You're going with grandma." He said, so I nodded.

"Kay." I remained on my bed.

"Come here and give daddy a hug." He said but I could only blink with timid eyes. "Zexion I, I only spanked you cause I was scared." My dad said, so I got curious.

"Why were you scared?" it didn't make sense to me.

"I thought you were going to get burned. I love you Zexion. I don't want you to get hurt. So I spanked you because I wanted to show you that you'll get seriously hurt if you don't listen to daddy." My dad said so I silently accepted his answer, but I refused to move.

"I took Pengy to the hospital. When you come back from grandma's, he'll be back, good as new, ok?" he smiled at me, and since I was gullible at that age, I believed him.

"You sure he'll be ok?" I couldn't hide my concern, nor the image of the burning plush that stained my mind.

"He's going to be just fine. He's strong, just like you." My dad smiled with a wink.

"Thank you daddy!" I ran to him and hugged him tightly.

"Thank you for being a good boy." He rubbed my back. "You're my good boy Zexion." He reminded me as my uncle arrived to pick me up. I stayed at my grandma's house for a few days before I went back home to find my dad on the couch. I joined his side when he moved a couch pillow to reveal a new stuffed penguin.

"Pengy!" I squeezed it tightly. "Thank you daddy." I hugged him too.

"I love you Zexion."

"I love you too." We watched TV together as I held onto Pengy, happy to have my father and my best friend.

* * *

><p>When I finished my story, Aerith was smiling.<p>

"Your father really cared about you."

"Yeah." I agreed. "Miss him a lot." I found my voice going weak as my throat ached.

"Do you know where that stuffed penguin is now?" she asked.

"Not sure. Maybe with aunt and uncle but uncle took it away when I was little."

"Why?" Aerith asked curiously.

"Said I was attached to it. Just wanted it cause was all I had left of my dad." I shrugged.

"Oh Zexion," Aerith bit her lip before she hugged me. I wasn't even crying, but god I wanted to so badly. "I know he's proud of you. I know I am." She rubbed my arm as I nodded.

"Thanks Aerith."

"You've worked hard, and it isn't going unnoticed. You're a bright, handsome, hardworking young man. Don't give up." She encouraged me before Leon came home.

"Hey," He sat down next to me.

"Hey." I echoed.

"Leon, may I speak with you in private?" Aerith asked, so Leon forced Cloud out of the bedroom so he could watch me while they talked.

"You ok?" Cloud asked and I nodded.

"Just sad." I whispered. I didn't expect Cloud to understand, or care.

"Why?"

"Miss my dad." I shrugged. I didn't want to look weak in from of someone so intimidating.

"It'll be ok." He nodded at me.

"Thanks." I appreciated his attempt.

"Zexion," he said my name, so I looked at him. "It'll be ok." He repeated before he hugged me. His embrace was warm, and it made me feel secure, and it made me miss my dad even more. I felt my eyes water as my body jolted in a sorrowful gasp. "Shhh," he massaged his hand up and down my back. "It's ok." He comforted me in a way I didn't know he was capable of. "You have to be strong. You are his living legacy." Cloud pushed me back to look me in the eyes. "When you feel weak, remember him. Remember how hard he worked to keep you safe, and to love you." He commanded, so I nodded obediently. "Remember how he silently sacrificed for you. You are his living legacy." Cloud repeated so I nodded as my lips trembled.

"His living legacy." I repeated.

"Shh," he calmed me down once more as he hugged me again. It was then when Aerith and Leon returned to the living room.

Aerith thanked me for a good session and left before Leon and I prepared for bed.

"Do you feel better?" Leon asked as I stripped in the shower.

"Yeah," I said quietly.

"I'm proud of you Zexion." Leon turned on the shower to just the right temperature. "Real proud."

I found it ironic that he would say that as my bare skin stood exposed, the scars visible for what they are: my weakness.

I didn't say anything as I showered, dried off, and even got situated in bed.

It wasn't long before Leon finished up the work at his desk within his room and laid down next to me. We went to bed as Cloud worked the night shift, and when I woke up randomly in the night, I realized that Leon had his arm around me. I snuggled into it for comfort, almost feeling guilty as I pretended it was my dad. With Clouds pillow in my arm as Pengy, I imagined that I was six again, back home with my dad, in our living room fort.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note<strong>: Ah, ok, been pretty busy but hopefully this long update makes up for the time it takes for me to upload. Dang, this last chapter….pretty sad huh? Ok so I'm **finally realizing what I want to do with this story**: IT is REALLY long (as if you hadn't already noticed). So I'm probably going to split it up into two different stories. I just really hope that those of you who are still reading this (I love you by the way haha) will** follow the sequel too**…..I just have this fear that no one will read it if I post it as a sequel, but I'm also scared that if this story is too long, not enough people will want to read it…I don't know why I'm sharing all of this, but oh well lol.

So yeah, back to this chapter….really heavy. But I think the ending is a bit encouraging in a gentle way, so hopefully you all liked it. As you may have noticed, **my signature is now Living Legacy**, which is a huge concept that I really connect to and rely on to get through my life, **dedicated to Zack Fair** (from Final Fantasy Crisis Core/Advent Children) and **to my bff** who passed away so that another life could be spared. And of course dedicated** to my readers**! I really appreciate all of your support and patience with this story!

To Sora93Kairi: Yes, Blackey is adorable, glad you like him!

To kindofabadger: yes, I wanted a past that would encourage Zexion, so I also wanted them to have the relationship that serves as an inspiration. Hahaha, yeah I would love a toweled Cloud! Thanks, the cat names were a bit hard to come up with so I kind of just gave up and wrote whatever came to mind haha, glad you liked it. Thank you as always for reviewing!

To luckycat222: Awwww, thank you! Yes, you will hear more about Zex's mom in future chapters!

To xSonya: You have no idea how honored I am to hear that you really liked the last chapter, thank you so much for your support! Hahaha, yes, Blackey is adorable, and it's a cute parallel for Zexion, so I'm glad you like their presence in the story. Yes I am SUCH a huge fan of Cleon, I've been waiting for this part of the story for a really long time hahaha. Aww, well I'm happy to hear that you were moved by their past, and we saw a bit of it lingering in the present in this chapter. I am so extremely happy to read that last part of the review because I was afraid I was making this story too long but I can't help it (blushy face haha). Thank you so much for your encouraging words!

To LittleTrancyGirl: I hear you. I'm trying to keep up my high GPA even though it doesn't really matter too much in college, but the job I want is ridiculously competitive and requires a lot of work so I'm a bit stressed for that….god I feel old….i swear im not hahaha. You drew it? Is there…is there any chance you'd post it anywhere? (tumblr/deviantart?) I could link it to my fanfic profile page with your name and info for credit…if you want, no pressure ^_^ Yes, shirtless yumminess. Yes, I believe it was chapter 38, and it's crazy to see how much things have changed, huh? Such a long journey for Zexy, thank you for following with me!

To FenrirDarkWolf: Yay, I love the idea of them owning cats, so I'm glad that you liked it!

To SoRikuR0x: Awww, your review made me blush no joke! Cleon is adorable, Cloud is cute, and life without the internet is no life at all! I'm so honored by what you wrote in your review, you have no idea! Thank you SO much! This story is far from over and I still have more yaoi stories on the way! Thank you so super much!

To StormFlight: hehehe, yes, I do love Zexy and Blackey, and I'm glad that you do too! Thank you for the review!

**Living Legacy, Sarabellum**


	45. Take Your Pain Away

When I woke up again, I thought that perhaps Leon was still asleep since his arm was right where he had left if, around my body.

"Good morning." He proved me wrong.

"Morning." I rolled over to face him before he hugged me tightly.

"You feeling any better?" he asked and I nodded. "It was a rough night huh?"

"What?" I wasn't following.

"You, you were crying in your sleep again." Leon sat up, so I did too.

"Oh." I scrunched my knees to my chest.

"Your parents used to hit you?" he asked as if he already knew.

"Just my mom." I whispered.

"Your dad never hit you?" He asked with curious eyes so I looked back at him with the same look.

"Why do you ask?"

"You were screaming last night, begging him not to hurt you." Leon fixed his long brown hair behind his ears as I gulped.

"Just, just once." I whispered.

"What happened?" he asked but I didn't really want to think any more about it. "It's ok Zexion, it's good to get it out." He rubbed my back.

"Mom was getting worse, and it was starting to get to daddy." I rubbed my arm as I sighed.

That's right. That was the day my mother had a bad meltdown. She came home randomly in the morning, after having been out all night, and walked up to me as I sat at the table eating the cereal that my dad had just finished fixing me.

"Morning." I said as she slammed the front door behind her. Her long hair was halfway up, half falling on her thin shoulders. Her make up had been smeared, and her eyes looked like they had been up all night.

"Shut up." She hissed at me, so I stuffed my face with my spoon to keep from angering her. "Are you hungry?" She asked, so I nodded tamely before she walked up to me, grabbed my bowl of food, and emptied it in the sink. "Good, cause you're going to be hungry till you starve." She smiled as I tried to keep from crying.

"Don't make me be the referee between you two." My dad glared as he walked into the kitchen from the living room. Slowly, the fighting was getting to him, and I could tell that he was ready to crack as she had done so many times.

"He's the problem. He always has been. We were supposed to live young and carefree but then he came along and ruined it!" My mother screamed as she pointed at me.

"I," I was going to apologize.

"Shut up!" She started to panic, her body shaking as her drug induced rage consumed her.

"It's your damn fault you got pregnant, not his! Stop blaming him cause you forgot to take your birth control." My dad groaned loudly.

"My fault? You were supposed to use a condom!"

"Stop complaining over something we can't change! We have a son, so act like a mother for once in your goddamn life!" My dad shouted.

"I never wanted him." My mother glared with harsh eyes as I sat there, looking back and forth, witnessing this chaos of my family.

"Well neither did I but you don't hear me bitching!" My dad yelled as his words hit me. I don't know why, but I had always lived under the illusion that he was actually happy I existed.

"Daddy?" I felt my lower lip shake as I looked to him.

"Not now Zexion," My dad sighed as he put a hand to his head.

"Nobody wants him." My mother crossed her arms in front of her chest as I began to pout, tears swelling to my eyes as I wondered why I had to exist.

"Would you quit making my job harder?" My dad's anger rose once again.

"You're the one who wants to keep him!" My mother put her hands on her hips.

"You know what? Do whatever the fuck you want. I can't take this shit anymore!" My father stormed upstairs into his room as I looked to my mother.

"Daddy?" I whispered, wishing he hadn't left me alone with her.

"He's not going to save you this time." My mother grinned before she grabbed a fistful of my hair.

"Ow!" I tried to keep up with her as she walked across the living room.

"Shut up!" She backhanded my cheek as I froze in a shocked pain. She slapped my other cheek in the same fashion as I trembled.

She pushed me to the ground and I stayed there, hoping she'd just give up, but she didn't. Right after she kicked me in the stomach, I let out a scream.

"Daddy!" I shouted, wanting him to come save me. I took another blow to the leg before I called for him again. "Daddy!"

"He doesn't love you!" my mother shouted before she opened the door to the backyard. "And neither do I!" She threw me outside. I scrambled to my feet and tugged on the handle only to discover that it was locked.

"Daddy!" I screamed for him as I pounded on the door. I let out a heavy sob before I fell to my ass, too tired and sore to stay on my feet. I continued to cry in the cold for a few more minutes, shouting for him, screaming that I was hurt, hoping he would let me in. I was under the impression that when my dad opened the door, he'd apologize and make it all up to me as he always had. I was wrong.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" He dragged me inside and up the stairs, pushed me against the wall, and slapped my face.

"Owwy!" I winced as I quaked.

"You want the neighbors to think that we're killing you? Stop screaming!" my father whispered harshly.

"Okkay." I put my hand over my mouth as I hyperventilated deep breath's.

"I said shut up!" My dad had his arm ready to hit me.

"But it hurts!" I whined before my dad pushed my body up against the upstairs rail and spanked me to a number higher than I could count at the time. I squirmed and cried, a couple of his blows hitting my back and upper legs as I begged for him to stop. Finally around the twentieth time, I rolled my body over, hoping to drop to my knees to get him to leave me alone. It didn't work. As I rolled over, he hit me in the nuts.

"Ah-hya!" I screamed as I rushed my hands to my aching soreness.

"Oh dear god," My dad's entire demeanor changed, and it felt as if the real him was released from the prison that my mother had him stuck in. "Zexion," I could hear the pain in his voice as he reached for me, but I didn't care.

"Go away!" I shouted and took a step backwards, and next thing I knew, my body was tumbling down the stairs. I couldn't even scream as my head, arms, and knees smacked against the wooden stairs. When I reached the bottom, I was on my back, staring at the ceiling with my arms shaking violently as I held them up to my face. My entire body ached so badly, I couldn't even cry. I felt the tears slowly falling, but I couldn't make a sound as I heard my dad rushing to my side.

"Holy shit! Baby! Are, are you ok?" he knelt by me as he panicked. I looked at him and raised my arms higher, watching the way that they shivered uncontrollably.

"Ow," I gulped, my whole body in a numbing pain.

"Oh my poor baby." My dad pulled me into his arms before I started screaming.

"What's wrong?" My dad asked and in between my screams, I answered poorly.

"It hurts!"

"Where?" He asked as I fidgeted in his grasp.

"Everywhere!" I answered to the best of my knowledge.

"Ok, it's ok, shh," He set me on the kitchen counter to get a band-aid for my knee, which I had just noticed was bleeding.

As he stepped away from me, I pushed myself off the counter and dashed to my room.

"Zexion!" He called for me, but I only ran faster. I heard him chasing after me, so in my desperation, I took Pengy from my bed and immediately tried to crawl under it. The sprint to my room and my attempt to crawl under my bed only worsened my already hurting body.

"Zexion stop!" My dad reached for my leg but I kicked him.

"Go away!" I shouted.

"Zexion?" he asked, his voice hurt.

"Don't touch me!" I cried loudly.

"Zexion," he whispered as I started bawling again.

"Don't hurt me. Please don't hurt me. I'm sorry!" I didn't know why I was apologizing, but I knew I had fucked something up.

"No, no Zexion, you don't need to apologize." My dad kept his body on the floor, looking underneath my bed as I crawled as close to the wall as I could. He tried to reach underneath, but it wasn't big enough for him to fit more than part of his arm.

"Please don't hurt me or Pengy!" I begged.

"I'm not going to hurt you baby." He frowned.

"It already hurts so much." I let out another sob. "Daddy make it stop hurting!" I wanted to believe so badly that he could, and would, do that for me. "Please make it stop hurting!" I was desperate.

"I'm sorry." My dad said and I heard him shuffling to his feet before I heard him sit on my bed. Then, I heard him crying. "I'm so sorry Zexion." His cries became more audible and intense as I gulped. I had never heard him cry before, not like that. "I'm so sorry you have to live like this." He blubbered as I started to calm down in my guilt. I hated hearing him so sorrowful, and somehow I felt responsible. "You deserve a good life with good parents. I, I'm so sorry." His voice was so weak that I decided to crawl out from under the bed with Pengy. After I wriggled myself free, I stood in front of him, watching the way his shoulders bounced as he kept his face hidden in his hands. "Please? Forgive daddy?" he asked, still not looking at me.

"It's ok." I whispered.

"I'm so sorry!" he let his face fall on my shoulder as he put his hands gently on my sides. I flinched in a mild fear before he cried harder. "I love you." He said strongly before he sniffled. "I love you so much." He was weeping like a baby, so I pushed his head up.

"I love you too daddy." I said quietly.

"You're, you're my good boy, aren't you Zexion?" he actually smiled, so I tried to.

"I try daddy."

"You're my good boy." He hugged me close before I whimpered.

"It hurts." I sniffled.

"Let, let me get some medicine for your owwies, ok?" he sniffled and wiped his arm under his running nose. He cleared his throat before he left my room. I waited patiently with Pengy, sitting on my bed before he came back with band aids, an ice pack, and some ice cream in a bowl. After he had me laid on my bed, he cleaned my scraped up knee and put the large band aid over the cut. He put the ice pack over my bruises, moving it when I complained about a new place on my body, and then he fed me my ice cream.

"Does it feel better?" he asked, so I nodded.

"Head hurts. Hurts here too." I pointed to my throat, knowing I was in pain from all the screaming.

"I'm so sorry baby." My dad kissed my nose. "It'll be ok." He rubbed my leg as I trembled.

"Everything hurts." I felt my eyes water. "Especially my bottom." I sniffled.

"I know baby, I know." My dad let out a deep sigh.

"Hurts here the most." I put my hand over my parts.

"I'm sorry." My dad frowned.

"Don't want to get hurt again. Please? Please daddy?" I started to sob again at the reminder of not just the pain, but the fear.

"No, no more, shh, it's ok. Just relax." My dad fingered my hair as I trembled.

"N-no-no no more spankings, ok daddy?" I sniffled repeatedly as my body shook.

My dad gave a soft smile. "No more spankings."

"I, I don't like spankings." I bit my lip. "Don't like it when no one wants me."

"Hey," my dad got my attention. "I want you. And I love you, ok?"

"Left me outside when I cried for you. Then you hit me daddy. Why did you hit me?" I asked hesitantly, afraid to upset him again. He let out a deep sigh before he stood up.

"Go to bed Zexion." My dad turned for the door. I watched and as he shut it behind him, I started to cry again. I held onto Pengy even though my arms were still red and sore from the staircase, and I tried to fall asleep despite the pain. It was barely mid-day but I was finally able to dream when I felt hands on my body.

"No, no, no!" I screamed as I woke up.

"Shhh!" My dad was holding me before he lifted us up on his feet. "It's ok, no spankings." My dad beat me to my punch line.

"Had a nightmare." I sniffled.

"It's ok. No one is going to hurt you. Not anymore." My dad walked outside of my room and down the stairs.

"Where are we going?" I asked.

"Shh, just go back to bed." My dad buckled me into my car seat. He got in the drivers side before I burst into tears.

"Don't throw me away!" I begged.

"What?" he actually turned his neck around to ask.

"Mommy wants to throw me away, but I don't want to live in trash. Please daddy I'll be good!" I begged for my life.

"Zexion, Zexion calm down!" My dad said as he stopped at a red light. "No one is going to throw you away, ok?" he looked in my eyes as I nodded. "We're going to get dinner. You want a hamburger? Let's go get some milkshakes ok baby." He said as I put my thumb in my mouth, sucking on it for comfort. "Be a big boy, get your thumb out of your mouth." He said, but I shook my head. Hell, I needed to be comforted and if I had to do it by myself, I would. He didn't bother to ask again until we got to the drive through for my favorite hamburger place. He ordered for us, but drove in the opposite direction of home.

"Where are we going?" I asked again.

"It's a surprise." He said with a kind smile.

Ten minutes later, my dad parked and opened the trunk, taking out a suitcase before he helped me out of my carseat. He carried me into a hotel lobby as he checked in before we went into a room.

"What are we doing here?" I asked after he set me on the bed and started unpacking the suitcase.

"We're going to have fun, just you and me, ok?" he smiled before I pouted.

"Pengy?" I said, missing my friend.

"Pengy too." My dad pulled Pengy out of the suitcase, hinting that he had been in my room packing as I slept.

"Pengy!" I clapped with a bright smile. He handed me my best friend as I squeezed him tightly.

"Come on, let's eat." We sat on the bed and watched a movie as we ate. The entire time, he worked hard to make me smile and laugh, and after he gave me a bath, he tucked me into the warm bed.

"Do you feel better?" he asked, rubbing my arm as I nodded.

"Yeah. Doesn't hurt as bad anymore." I whispered.

"Good. Daddy wants to take your pain away." He said quietly.

"Thank you daddy."

"Thank you, for being daddy's good boy." He kissed my temple.

"Night Pengy. Night daddy." I closed my eyes.

"Goodnight Zexion." He ran his fingers through my hair.

"Don't forget Pengy!" I reminded him as he chuckled.

"Goodnight Pengy." He kissed Pengy goodnight too.

We stayed at that hotel for the entire weekend where my dad spoiled me rotten, taking me to the toy store, buying me ice cream every other hour, and playing games with me in our hotel room just to keep me smiling. When we went back home, my mom wasn't there, and that's when the habit began. As sad as it sounds, I didn't complain. When my dad went to work, I played in my room with Pengy and my new toys. When he came home, he and I lived our happy lives without her. I only wished that could have lasted longer, but I didn't want to get into that as Leon sighed me back into reality.

"It makes sense." He said quietly.

"What does?" I asked curiously.

"Last night when Cloud returned for his nap you uh, you kind of attacked him." He rubbed the back of his head.

"I what?!" I asked in shock.

"In your sleep, you yelled at Cloud, so he apologized cause we thought you were awake, but then you kicked him. He grunted before you pushed him, and that's when we realized you were asleep. I tried to wake you up, but instead you begged us not to touch you and not to hurt you anymore. That's when you called for your dad, asking him to stop hitting you."

"I, I'm sorry." I didn't realize I was capable of doing such things in my sleep.

"It's ok. Cloud held you again and it worked to calm you down."

"He did?" I was still a bit surprised to hear that he'd do something that like that.

"He wrapped you up nice and tight in a hold that prevented you from kicking and hitting him, then he whispered that everything was going to be ok and stuff like that. Gave you a goodnight kiss on the forehead too." Leon smirked as I gulped.

"Re-really?" I didn't believe him.

"Yeah, but trust me he wont admit it if you ask him." He chuckled.

"He's a good guy." I smiled back.

"Yeah. He was freaking out at first. He kept me up asking what he should do and how he could make it better, so when I reminded him that holding you worked last time, he held and you tried to calm you down. It was pretty cute actually." Leon let out a small laugh.

"Means a lot to me." I chuckled along.

"Well we should get going ready. Cloud finished his nap at work so when he gets home he'll be ready for today's plans." Leon grunted as he got out of bed.

"Ok." I dressed into some jeans and a new shirt that I got with Leon and waited with him in the living room. Leon seemed busy at his computer, so I decided to spend more time with Blackey. Once I caught the cat, after I chased it around the living room for twenty minutes while Leon laughed at me, I kept him in my lap.

"Hi Blackey." I smiled, satisfied that my hard work had paid off. He growled angrily before I kissed his head. I let him go, and to my surprise, he stayed in my lap for a few minutes before he ran off thanks to the sound of the front door opening as Cloud came home.

"I'm back." Cloud announced, so I ran up to him and hugged him. "Hello." He greeted, a bit surprised.

"Thank you." I squeezed him as Leon chuckled.

"Told him about last night."

"Leon!" Cloud growled as I worried that maybe I shouldn't have made it obvious that I knew. He looked more pissed and grumpy than he usually does, so I actually got scared. He shook his head before he barked in frustration, "I told you not to tell him that I cried."

"You cried?" I pulled back from the hug to ask. Words could not explain my confusion.

"I didn't tell him that." Leon smirked as Cloud's eyes went wide.

"I, you, Leon," Cloud gulped loudly.

"As you cried for you dad to stop hitting you it hit a soft spot in Cloud's big heart." Leon smiled.

"Leon." Cloud whined as I chuckled.

"Means a lot to me Cloud." I rested my cheek on his chest.

"G-glad to help." Cloud coughed.

"Thank you." I hugged Cloud again.

"No problem." Cloud rubbed my back gently. I didn't want to admit it, but I was so warm and comfortable, I felt bad for how long I kept him in that hug. We were there for an extra ten seconds before Leon broke the silence.

"Hey, did you get them?" Leon asked and Cloud nodded.

"Yep, three." Cloud nodded. I figured it was something irrelevant to me since I was out of the loop, but then Leon cleared his throat as he faced me.

"I know this could be rough, but I want you to know that we, we bought tickets for us to go to the zoo. There's no pressure if you don't want to, but I wanted to put the offer out there." Leon smiled. I didn't realize how happy it would make me, to know that he cared that much, so I nodded.

"Ok." I smiled.

"You sure?" He seemed excited.

"Yeah."

"Great, let's get going." Leon said and before I knew it, we were parking in the zoo parking lot.

"I haven't been here in a long time." Cloud said dryly.

"Me either." Leon said.

"Haven't been since I came with my dad." I added as we walked up to the ticket gate.

"Well, what should we see first?" Cloud asked, turning to me.

"The, the penguins?" I asked, so Leon smiled as we went. I led them to the same animals that I saw with my dad in the order that I best remembered, and Leon even bought me lunch at the same pizza restaurant within the zoo.

"I need to go to the bathroom. I'll meet you guys at the tigers." Cloud said as he got up and left.

After a full day looking at all the animals, where I shared as much educational facts about them as I could remember, we drove back home.

"Man, I'm tired after all that walking." Leon threw his body on the couch.

"M!" Cloud grunted angrily, practically forcing his boyfriend to sit up.

"Sit in my lap." Leon patted his thigh.

"Leon." Cloud said stoically.

"Just get over here," Leon grabbed Cloud's hips and put the blonde in his lap.

"I'm tired too." I sat on the floor to pet Whiskers and Little Grey Cat.

"Yeah, it was fun though, huh?" Leon said with a smile.

"Th-thank you, thank you both." I said sincerely.

"You're welcome." Leon hugged Cloud, who remained silent in Leon's hold.

"Means a lot." I said as Whiskers started to purr.

"We have one more surprise for you." Leon said, rubbing Cloud's side. I watched curiously as Cloud stood up and reached into the backpack that he took to the zoo to store his water, wallet, and all the junk that Leon and I made him carry.

"Here," Cloud knelt before me and handed me a stuffed penguin from the gift shop.

My eyes went wide with moisture before I gulped.

"For, for me?" I slowly reached my trembling hand to the plush animal as Cloud actually smiled.

"Yeah," he said quietly.

"I, I," I didn't know what to say as I looked into my hands. It was the exact same type of penguin as Pengy.

"I had to ask for the manager to see which model was still continued from about a decade ago, but he told me that this is the only one." Cloud said as I nodded.

"It's him." I gave a timid smile. I looked up into Cloud's blue eyes before I started crying. "Thank you." I forced him into a hug as I gripped my new Pengy tightly in one hand.

"You're welcome." He said warmly as he rubbed my back. He stood me up and directed me over to Leon, who hugged me as well.

"You've been making huge steps forward, by staying positive and working hard. We're proud of you Zex." Leon gave me an extra squeeze before he let me go. I continued to stare at my new Pengy as I swallowed down my tears.

"Thank you." I gave a shaky smile.

"Come on, you ready for bed?" Leon asked with a wave of his head as I gulped.

"Umm, do, do you think," I scratched my head with my hand that wasn't holding my penguin.

"What is it?" Leon asked.

"Think we can make a fort, out here?" I asked.

"Out of chairs and blankets?" Leon asked, as if he knew, probably from Aerith.

I nodded.

"I'll get the blankets." Cloud went into the bedroom while Leon and I arranged the furniture.

Once we finished constructing a fort in the living room, we all scrunched inside.

"It's a bit small." Cloud grumbled.

"It's cozy." Leon said in contrast as we squeezed next to each other.

"Yeah well you know I hate sleep cuddling." Cloud squirmed as Leon used the limited space as an excuse to put Cloud's head on his chest.

"I love sleep cuddling." Leon whimpered.

"Me too," I whispered.

"Really?" Leon asked and I nodded.

"Like feeling warm, and, needed." I said shyly.

"Aww," Leon said with a chuckle before I rolled my eyes with a laugh.

"Just like company." I corrected myself.

"Well I don't mind when I'm not trying to sleep." Cloud complained.

"Please baby?" Leon rubbed the blonde's back.

"Fine." Cloud gave up, resting on his boyfriend while I rested next to Leon.

"Night." I said, holding onto my Pengy.

"Night Zexion." Leon had one arm around Cloud and roped the other around me, pulling me into his side.

"Night." Cloud said universally before I fell asleep with my Pengy in my arms with my body in Leon's.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note:<strong> So I couldn't make a Christmas themed chapter that would work with this story line but I hope that this chapter posted on Christmas day will suffice! Merry Christmas and I hope that you all have a KH yaoi filled new year!

Thank you all for the reviews, support, and love! Sorry I cant do individual author's notes this time, I have to skype with family and have other plans so if I don't post now, I wont be able to post in time! I really am sorry! I have read each of your reviews at least 2 times each, so please don't think any review goes unnoticed. The reviews and support mean more to me than words could ever describe.

**Living Legacy, Sarabellum**


	46. Really Want to Know

When I woke up, I had the strangest desire to call Leon 'daddy', not because he felt like that role at that moment, but because I wanted so badly to have someone to call father. I wanted to be held and comforted the way that my dad used to care about me, back before my world turned upside down from bad to worse. I woke up before either of the two men next to me, so I curled up against Leon's chest, trying to keep warm. He put an arm around me in his sleep and I rested against it happily, just wanting to have that illusion of safety that my dad was able to provide.

I was comfortable until Leon rolled over, leaving me alone, so I decided to inch slowly towards Cloud, praying for dear life that I wouldn't wake up the easily angered blonde. I finally worked my way to his shoulder, edging up to it shyly as I snuggled my face against his cotton shirt. He inhaled swiftly, no doubt feeling my presence before he let out a sigh. As I expected he scooted himself further away from me. Somehow, I took it all too personal, so I made it a point to try once more. And again, he got frustrated with his back now towards me, grumbling in his sleep as his eyes remained closed.

"Stop," He muttered as my legs lined up against his from behind. I didn't care, so I remained where I was until he kicked me. "Leon, move." He grunted as I gulped, realizing I could be over my head. I just wanted to hold or be held, so I decided to try to spoon him, which I quickly learned was far out of my league. Just as I got my arm above his body, he kicked me harder.

"Ow!" I couldn't help but shout as I rushed a hand to my shin. Cloud quickly sat up, shock on his face as he realized who he had kicked, and Leon was also sitting up to figure out what had happened.

"What's going on?" the brunette asked.

"I, I'm sorry." Cloud gulped as I rubbed my leg.

"Just wanted to cuddle." I huffed grumpily.

"Yeah, he hates sleep cuddling, I still don't know why." Leon shook his head.

"It's hot and then I get sweaty." Cloud explained with a whine.

"I like you sweaty." Leon shrugged as I smirked, loving the wide look of embarrassment in Cloud's eyes with red staining his cheeks.

"Leon!" He snarled.

"Just relax." Leon smiled contently as I tried once more to get comfortable.

"I'm sorry Zexion." Cloud repeated before I shrugged and told him it was ok.

"Come on, get up." Leon tugged on my arm.

"Where are we going?" I asked with a bothered strain in my voice. I had just gotten comfortable.

"To the gym." Leon exited our little fort while I faked a sob.

"But I'm tired." I complained.

"Zexion, you're in training, and the best way to get in shape emotionally is to reward your body with exercise and healthy food. Exercising releases endorphins that help raise serotonin levels and,"

"Ok, ok, I'm up I'm up." I was in no mood to be lectured as I crawled out of our fort. We cleaned it up as Cloud went to work, then Leon and I went to the gym for two hours, and then after a shower I collapsed on the couch.

"Good workout." Leon smiled at me as I nearly fell into a nap from our intense running and even some weight lifting.

"Cant. Feel. Legs." I felt like jello with Leon's insane workout schedule.

"It means you had a successful trip to the gym." Leon chuckled as I found it a bit less humorous than he had.

We had breakfast and did some schoolwork for a couple hours just as Cloud came home from half a day's shift. He seemed to be in a better mood, probably since he didn't have to work the whole day, although he went straight to the bedroom immediately after his return.

All was silent for nearly an hour before the phone went off.

"Hello?" Leon answered the phone. I looked to him curiously to see if I could guess who was on the other line.

"Oh, yeah I see. Mhm, sounds good." Leon nodded. "No problem." Leon looked to me before he smiled.

"Here." He handed me the phone.

"hello?" I asked curiously.

"HEY!" a loud voice boomed before I smiled.

"Hi Demy!"

"How are you?"

"Good," I smiled, my heart aching at the reminder of how sweet his voice is. "I miss you," I bit my lip, my chest aching as I wanted to be in his arms. It had been so long since I had even been graced by his voice.

"I miss you too Zex. Leon and I have been emailing a lot since you moved with him. He said you've been doing really well. I'm super proud of you Zex." I could nearly see his smile in his voice.

"Thank you Demy. How's swimming?"

"Good! I accepted a scholarship from TTU, so it's pretty set that I'm going there." Demyx giggled.

"That's great Demy. Good job." I encouraged.

"Thank you Zex, it means a lot to have your support."

"Ok, come on," Leon waved at me, but I shook my head. "Zex, I'm not asking." Leon repeated clearly as I held the phone close.

"One more minute?" I begged.

"You have thirty seconds." Leon raised an eyebrow.

"I love you Demy!" I spit out quickly. Demyx was quiet for a few seconds before he exhaled loudly.

"I know Zex. It won't be much longer, if you continue to be good, ok?" he asked and I nodded even though he couldn't see me.

"Phone." Leon extended his hand, but once again I shook my head. "Zexion, if you want there to be another phone conversation within the week, hand me the phone now."

I pouted before I sniffled.

"Bye Demy."

"Bye Zex. I'll call again soon ok?"

"Kay." I frowned as I gave Leon back the phone.

"Hey," Leon said to Demyx. "I don't know, he tried to resist when I first told him to hand over the phone, but if he's good with his studies then I shouldn't see a problem with it. Ok, you too. Bye." Leon hung up as I frowned.

"Sorry," I whispered.

"Demyx wants to call you and visit, but he can't do either unless you listen."

"I know." I sat on the bed.

"Come on, let's begin part two of your studies. You aren't in trouble. I just want to make sure you understand that there's still progress to be made. Complacently is the enemy of progress."

"I understand." I nodded solemnly.

"Hey, keep your chin up, ok?" Leon tapped my shoulder as I nodded more enthusiastically.

We did some schoolwork for the rest of the day, and for the entire rest of the week, Demyx never called again. Every time the phone went off, I'd look to Leon with hope, but when I realized it wasn't Demyx, despair would set in again. By the time the weekend came, I was starting to feel like I was being punished for when I tried to keep Demyx on the phone longer.

I was in the living room with Leon as he filed some work forms, just petting Blackey after I forced him into my lap. Over time, I was able to get him to stay with me, so long as I captured him first. He was sitting in my lap licking his paws as I smiled at his cuteness before the phone rang. It scared Blackey away so I pouted as Leon answered.

"Oh, hey. Yeah, sure. Here," he handed me the phone as my heart rose to my throat in anticipation of hearing Demyx's sexy voice.

"He-hello?" I asked timidly.

"Hey Zexy," Demyx spoke so I bit my lip in my joy.

"Hi Demy."

"Come on, in the room," Leon ushered me that he was moving, so I followed. Cloud was on their desk computer as Leon and I sat on the bed.

"How are you?" Demyx asked.

"I'm good. How are,"

"Ok time's up." Leon pulled the phone from my hand before I could even finish. I was so shocked and hurt that without proper reasoning, my eyes watered.

"De-Demy," I sniffled, reaching for the phone as Leon held it.

"I need you to trust me." Leon said as he hung up the phone, causing me to swallow down my sorrow and tears that were stuck in my throat.

"Kay," I wiped my eyes, unsatisfied with his response.

"Sometimes good things get taken away, but that's only to make way for something better." Leon explained.

"Just wanted to talk to Demy," I whined, blinking rapidly.

"Come here," He wasn't offering me a hug, but he waved me over to where Cloud was sitting at the desk with headphones.

I followed silently, waiting for him to continue.

"Look here." He pointed to some electronic device, and although I'm good with science, I'm not too good with technology.

"Hm?" I looked into the circular object for about five seconds before Cloud unplugged his headphones.

"Go ahead." Leon said loudly, so I turned to look at him as he stood behind me, wondering what he was referring to.

"HI ZEXION!" I heard Demyx's voice, so I went I turned around, I saw that Demyx was on the laptop screen, on skype with Cloud. Leon was having me stare into the webcam like an idiot as Demyx laughed on the other end.

"Demy!" I jumped up, my eyes squinting in happiness.

"Hey Zex!" Demyx waved.

"Hey." I was so happy, I didn't know what to say. I turned to Leon, hugged him, then turned back to Demyx. "Demy," I just wanted to say his name.

"You look good Zex." Demyx smiled.

"He's been going to the gym with me every morning." Leon put a hand on my shoulder and when I looked up at him, he winked.

"Aww, you're going to be super buff in no time." Demyx chuckled as I laughed.

"Just trying to survive gym with Leon." I joked.

"Oh, hang on," Demyx held up a finger before he yelled. "Axel! Yeah, he's on now," Demyx said before he looked back at the web camera. "Axe is here."

"Hey Zexy!" Axel saluted me as I waved.

"Hey Axe!" I said enthusiastically.

"Missed you, you sexy thing." Axel winked as I blushed.

"Missed you too Axe." I stuck my tongue out.

"Zex, I want you to meet someone." Axel wore a cocky grin.

"Who?" I wondered.

"My boyfriend." Axel waved off screen as I gulped, feeling a bit sad about hearing such news. I didn't want him to replace Roxas, but he looked like he was excited. I tried to look happy for my friend despite my disapproval. That is, until I saw a familiar blonde.

"Roxas!" I clapped at the sight of Roxas' arm around Axel's hip.

"Hey Zexion." Roxas waved.

"You, you two back together?" I asked with excitement.

"Yeah. Soon after you went with Leon we, we realized just how much our little family has been through. And no matter what, we'll always be here for each other, cause we're a family, and we love each other." Roxas smiled up at Axel.

"I love you baby." Axel traced his thumb over Roxas' bottom lip in a rather gentle yet sexy way.

"Give him kiss." I clapped in encouragement before Axel shrugged and the two made out.

"Ewww!" Demyx covered his eyes with his hands before he giggled.

"Alright, ok, come on now." Leon shook his head with a smile, hands on hips as Axel started grabbing Roxas' ass.

"My bad." Axel coughed as Roxas blushed.

"Miss you guys," my eyes started to water. They were all in simple T-shirts and P.E shorts, looking comfortable and cozy for a sleep over.

"We miss you too Zex, so keep working hard and we'll visit you soon." Demyx encouraged.

"Kay," I sniffled, just wanting to hug him so damn bad. We skyped for nearly an hour, mostly me listening to them talk about what was new with school and Leon telling them that I was making good progress before our time came to an end.

"Say goodbye," Leon whispered.

"No," I whined loudly.

"It's ok Zex, we'll skype again soon." Axel remained positive.

"This isn't fair!" I screamed.

"Zexion," Demyx's voice was calm yet stern. "I love you ok? I need you to work hard so I can visit you. Please?" He smiled so I nodded.

"Ok." I said, not yet satisfied.

"Thank you. I love you." Demyx kissed his webcam before he giggled. "Haha." He was so silly.

I blew him a kiss before I waved. "Love you too Demy."

"Night baby." He waved and after Axel and Roxas and I all waved goodbye, Cloud turned off the camera.

"Leon?" I sniffled as I called his name.

"M?"

"Can I go to bed now?" my heart hurt too much to be awake.

"Ok." Leon nodded. "Shower then bed." He said so I listened.

I stripped and got in the shower, cleaning myself silently as I sniffled.

"Shh, it's ok." Leon must have sensed my distress.

"Miss him so much." I blinked a tear free, rinsing my face under the streaming water to mask it.

"He misses you too. It's ok, it won't be long till you get to see him." Leon encouraged me.

I was silent as I dried off and changed, even as I crawled into bed next to Cloud.

"I have some more forms to fill out before I go to bed. Stay with Cloud." Leon instructed so I nodded.

"Goodnight." I whispered to Cloud.

"Night." He said back as I curled up into a ball in the middle of the bed, missing Demyx more than ever. It meant a lot to be able to see him, but at the same time it was like a tease of what I could see but couldn't touch, couldn't hold, couldn't have.

I was about to fall asleep when I heard Cloud mumble.

"Get off," he said with a cheek smashed into his pillow, making his words unclear. I rolled over to face him, wondering who he was talking to and what about. "Stop," he said hazily as I gulped in the night. Leon was still absent with the living room light showing through the bottom of the bedroom door.

"Leon," Cloud gasped in his sleep. "No more," his voice was whiney as I wondered if he was having nightmares over the things Leon used to do to him. As awkward as it felt, I tried to hold Cloud, hoping to pay him back for all the times he helped me through my nightmares. It worked for a few minutes, but then his dream intensified because he was wriggling in clear distress.

"It hurts!" Cloud screamed as I gulped, wondering what to do. I got out of bed to get Leon when he popped in the room.

"What's wrong?" Leon asked me but I only shook my head.

"I, I don't know." I was scared as Cloud yelled louder.

"Let me go!" Cloud wriggled in bed relentlessly.

"Shhh," Leon held Cloud's hand.

"Hurts so bad," Cloud whined with closed eyes.

"I'm so sorry," Leon's voice was so sincere it almost pained me to hear. In the middle of the night with the light of the living room gently gracing my eyes with sight, I watched as Leon combed Cloud's hair. The blonde whimpered a soft cry as Leon continuously chanted "Shhh" as relaxingly as possible.

Cloud gulped and then rolled over as Leon stood up with a sigh.

"Sorry about that. Go back to bed." Leon instructed me before he left the room and shut the door again.

I got situated back in bed, but was nowhere ready to fall back asleep after that disturbance of Cloud's flashbacks.

"Why?" Cloud mumbled so I held my breath, somehow thinking it'd help. "Why?" he repeated as if he were awake, so I took a deep breath before I cooed.

"Shhh,"

"Hold me," he sounded desperate, so I put an arm around him. I realized he was still asleep, cause soon after he put his arm around me and squeezed, he gasped as if he were waking up. He elevated his torso on one arm as he rubbed his eyes. "Zexion?"

"Hm?" I was a bit intimidated.

"Sorry, I thought you were Leon's arm." Cloud sighed with his messy blonde hair covering half of his face. Can't say I was too happy about my entire body being mistaken for just one of Leon's arms, but he is rather strong.

"It's ok." I said quietly. He sighed again before he rolled onto his stomach, his arms supporting his torso as he took another deep breath.

"Leon!" he shouted as I laid frozen.

"What's wrong?" Leon came in, concerned.

"I had a bad dream." Cloud faced his pillow, although his disheveled hair made it impossible to see any details of his facial expressions.

"I know. You were sleep talking again." Leon said quietly, looking down at his boyfriend.

"What did I say?"

"You were in pain." Leon whispered.

Cloud sat up on his knees before he looked at Leon.

"I'm sleeping on the couch." The blonde got out of bed.

"No, stay here."

"I don't want to sleep with you." Cloud whispered as I closed my eyes, trying not to be a part of this.

"I'll sleep on the couch. I'm already working in the living room. Go back to bed." Leon didn't leave room for further discussion as he left and I couldn't help but feel bad for the brunette. I knew that Cloud had seen a side of Leon that I never have, but it was still hard to picture Leon ever hurting Cloud in any way. It was clear that Leon was constantly trying to make up for any pain he caused Cloud, and he was such a caring boyfriend, so patient and accommodating, that it made me forget that he had such a violent history.

Cloud rolled on his side and I saw him blink a couple times before he asked me a question I didn't know how to answer.

"Do you think I'm too hard on him?"

"Le-Leon loves you." I shrugged back.

"I know he told you what he did. I know he's changed. When I have nightmares, it's hard to remember that he's changed."

"Makes sense." I nodded along honestly.

"Should I apologize?" Cloud asked and I bit my lip with a slight nod. "You're right." He nodded back before he sat up on his ass. He inhaled deep before he yelled. "Leon!"

I couldn't help but smile in the night at how cute I found Cloud's habit to just yell his boyfriends name, confident that Leon would come for him, which he did.

"What's wrong?" Leon didn't look mad like I know I would have been if my boyfriend forced me on the couch.

Cloud was silent before he held up his arms the way a baby would when wanting to be picked up.

"I'm sorry." The blonde said softly.

"It's ok." Leon said, sitting down next to Cloud, who put his arms around the brunette. "I love you." Leon rubbed Cloud's back gently.

"I love you too. Are you done with work? I want to be with you." Cloud said as I hid my smile in the blankets quietly. I really enjoyed the encouragement of their problem solving, especially after what happened to Axel and Roxas, not to mention me and Demyx.

"No, sorry, I still have a ways to go." Leon apologized.

"But, I want to be with you." Cloud said, a bit needy, but still really cute.

"One of us has to stay with Zexion, and I have to be in the living room to finish." Leon whispered.

I rolled my eyes before I sat up, grabbed my pillow and a blanket, and started walking to the door.

"We stay out there with Leon." I nodded before Cloud followed my lead by taking a pillow and a blanket, and rushed to the living room to claim his spot. Leon chuckled as he exited the bedroom with me.

"Thank you." Leon ruffled my hair. "It means a lot to Cloud."

"Thank you." Cloud said to me to before I shrugged it off.

Leon sat on the couch to finish his work with a small table dinner tray supporting his laptop. Cloud moved to rest his head in Leon's lap while I went on the floor by the couch with Little Grey cat and Whiskers.

"Night." I said, smiling when both Cloud and Leon repeated it at the same time.

When I woke up, Blackey was sleeping on my face, which is what woke me up in the first place when I felt like I was suffocating on fur.

"Mm!" I grunted before I moved the tiny cat off my mouth.

"Meer!" he said irritably.

"Couldn't breathe Blackey." I explained as I set the cat on my tummy. Blackey wasn't satisfied as he relocated himself on my chest, more at the base of my neck. "Blackey," I whined as I shoved him, but he only 'meered' angrily again.

"Do I need to separate you two?" Leon asked chuckling and I looked up to see him still sitting up on the couch with Cloud asleep, head in his lap.

"He started it." I sat up pointed at the cat, who used his paw to swat my finger. "Hey!" I picked him up and forced a kiss on his head as punishment.

"Sure he did." Leon shook his head with a smile.

"Cloud asleep?" I asked and Leon nodded, running his fingers through Cloud's blonde locks, looking at him with all the care and attention a man could possess.

"Mhm, my sleepy baby." Leon grinned, running a hand down Cloud's side ever so slowly.

"Leon, you a good boyfriend." I kept Blackey in my lap as I sat up, petting him relaxingly as Leon nodded.

"Thank you Zexion, that means a lot." Leon traced his hand down Cloud's ass and gave a light pat.

"Mmmm," Cloud mumbled.

"Shh, back to bed baby." Leon whispered.

"Don't touch my booty." Cloud murmured.

"But this is my booty," Leon squeezed gently.

"Ok," Cloud yawned before he inhaled through his nose, exhaling in a soft snore.

"Night baby." Leon chuckled.

When we were sure Cloud was back asleep, I giggled.

"He so cute." I smiled.

"Yes, he really is." Leon gazed at his boyfriend, true love in his eyes as I bit my lip in envy.

"Makes me miss Demy, seeing how cute you two are." I admitted shyly with a nervous laugh.

"I know Demyx misses you too, and it won't be long until you two can hang out again. Keep up the good work." Leon smiled at me.

"I'm trying, but it's hard." I frowned.

"It's like going to the gym." Leon shrugged.

"How?" I didn't see the resemblance.

"Well, the first few days after the gym, you couldn't see any muscle improvement; in fact all you noticed was the sore pain that follows each workout. But look at you now. Even I can see that you've got some bicep muscles, and you can run for the entire workout, unlike the first time where you couldn't last all the way through. The progress may not be recognizable when we want to see it, but it doesn't mean that it isn't there." Leon smiled as I thought about it.

"Makes, makes sense." I gulped.

"I try." Leon smirked.

"Leon?" I bit my lip.

"Yeah?"

"I like you. And Cloud. Th-thank you, for helping me." I gave a timid smile, trying not to be too mushy.

"Aww," Leon chuckled, running what I worked hard to prevent by accepting the cheesiness. "I'm happy to hear that, cause we like you too." Leon reassured me.

We were both quiet for a while until Snowball jumped onto the couch and onto Cloud, which made Leon try to shove her away.

"Shoo!" Leon waved at her. She hissed before she rubbed her face against Cloud's stomach as he curled in Leon's lap.

"M?" Cloud stirred.

"It's your stupid cat." Leon growled.

"Hey babygirl." Cloud sat up slowly, holding her close.

"Oh I see, I pat your ass and you get mad, and then she wakes you up and gets a hug and petnames." Leon gave a fake pout.

"Well, she is the pet." Cloud shrugged, which made me chuckle.

"Can I have my hug now?" Leon asked.

"Fine." Cloud set his cat down to hug his boyfriend.

Leon then instructed me to shower, which I did quickly as he observed.

"Is it getting easier?" He asked casually as I stripped.

"I guess." I shrugged. By then, it was so normalized that I barely even noticed Leon.

"Well I guess that's good." Leon shrugged next.

We were quiet again until I started drying off with a towel.

"Here, you should wear this one." Leon handed me one of my newer shirts that I hadn't ever worn yet, cause it was a bit more fancy than just an average T shirt.

"What are we doing today?" I asked curiously.

"Nothing, but I like the color." Leon said, so I rolled my eyes and humored him by putting on the button up teal and grey shirt. He matched it with some light grey skinny jeans before we did school work for a few hours.

"I liked the last poem better." Leon said as we closed my literature assignment.

"Yeah, me too." I agreed before Cloud came into the bedroom. Usually we do the school work in the living room, but Leon said we could work in the bedroom so that Cloud could play video games on the big TV without distracting us. The blonde didn't seem satisfied with the TV as he shut the door behind him.

"Leon, now." He said without any further aid to context.

"Now, what?" Leon said, not necessarily in curiosity, but in suspicion.

"Leon you know what I mean." Cloud sighed.

"I do?" Leon seemed to have been playing difficult.

"Come or not I don't care." The blonde said in frustration.

"That's not what you usually say." Leon smirked as Cloud's face went red.

"Leon!" He fisted his hands. "Hurry up before it's too late." The blonde returned to the living room.

"Umm?" I was more than confused.

"Come on, we better follow." Leon chuckled.

I followed Leon, and when he pushed the door open, I saw the best sight I could wish for.

"Demyx!" I ran up to my boyfriend and tackled him, forcing him into a hug which he returned with strong arms I had missed so damn much.

"My baby!" he kept his arms around my waist as he rested his cheek on my head.

"I missed you." I squeezed him.

"I missed you too." He kissed my temple.

"Yeah, missed you too Zex." Axel scoffed before I chuckled.

"I did!" I confessed as I moved to hug the redhead, and then Roxas.

"It's great to see you Zex." Roxas greeted me warmly.

"Missed all of you, so much." I turned to Leon, who smiled with an arm around Cloud's waist.

"You deserve it, for working so hard." Leon encouraged me.

"Speaking of working, have you been working out? That hug seemed really nice." Axel gave a perveted smile.

"Hey!" Roxas slapped his boyfriend's arm.

"Yeah! He's my babyboy!" Demyx said protectively as he rushed my body into his grasp.

"I was just asking!" Axel said defensively.

"Well, I have been." I once again smiled to Leon.

"He's been running and doing some light weight lifting with me, each morning." Leon folded his thick arms across his chest.

"Hey Leon, I have a question for you too." Axel put a hand under his chin.

"What is it?" Leon asked back as we all sat on the couch and the chairs that Cloud got from the dining room table.

"How long did it take for you to get that ripped?" Axel asked as Leon chuckled.

"Well, years of training, weight lifting, eating healthy, and just being downright dedicated." Leon said seriously.

"I wonder if I'll ever be able to get boobs too." Axel said, flexing himself.

"What?" Leon's eyes went wide as Cloud grinned.

"Yeah, they are kind of big." Demyx stared at Leon's chest through his tight black T shirt before Cloud extended an arm across his boyfriend's body, covering his nipples.

"Mine." He said once as we all smiled.

"Did you ever use steroids?" Axel asked curiously as Leon's face blushed.

"What? No of course not!" Leon put his arms up.

"Maybe testosterone shots?" Demyx scratched his head.

"No!" Leon barked.

"His boobs are huge." Axel didn't believe Leon.

"They aren't boobs!" Leon growled and all went silent just before Cloud scoffed. "You want to say something?" Leon asked his boyfriend intimidatingly, but the blonde only shook his head.

"I kind of want to arm wrestle him, to see how long I'd last." Axel said curiously.

"I'll give you thirteen seconds." Roxas chuckled.

"Nice to know you believe in me!" Axel said grumpily.

"Maybe nine seconds if Leon goes easy on you?" Demyx guessed.

"What do you think Zex?" Axel asked me so I shrugged.

"Six?" I picked a random number.

"One way to find out." Cloud said dryly.

"Who said I was willing?" Leon seemed extremely caught off guard by the way the conversation passed.

"Are you scared?" Axel smirked as Leon rolled his eyes.

"Fine, let's just get this over with." Leon rolled up a sleeve as we all migrated to the kitchen table.

"Ok, on three," Demyx said as Leon and Axel held hands.

"Go!" Roxas cheered at the count of three. Axel bit his lip and gritted his teeth while Leon grinned.

"You're doing really well." Leon said casually as Axel strained his muscles.

"Don't patronize me," Axel made a quick gasp and used it to barely move Leon's hand half a centimeter.

"I'm encouraging you." Leon smirked.

"Fuck!" Axel panted once Leon defeated him, eight seconds into the battle.

"To be honest, I don't think any one of us could have done any better." Demyx chuckled to lighten the mood.

"Except Cloud." Axel huffed.

"Yeah he probably stands a chance." Roxas shrugged.

"I can beat him." Cloud said so plainly that he sounded sure.

"Really?" Leon chuckled.

"Don't think I can?" Cloud looked serious.

"Babe, I've been training longer than you, and I started and finished every football game from middle school to the end of college." Leon crossed his arms cockily. "I think the odds are in my favor."

"We'll see about that." Cloud shooed Axel out of the chair and sat down facing Leon.

"You really want to do this?" Leon asked with a smirk.

"Let's make it interesting." Cloud said with a certainty about him. "Loser has to receive it next time." Cloud's words were followed by an uncomfortable silence as Leon's eyes went wide, all while the rest of us watched in anticipation.

"You, you mean….you mean sex?" Leon whispered the last word quietly.

"God Leon none of us are virgins." Axel huffed.

"I don't need to know that." Leon hung his head.

"Yes, I meant sex. Deal?" Cloud said dryly, showing a side of him even I was a bit shocked to see.

"Fine. It's not like you losing will change anything." Leon gave a smirk as Cloud's eyes went wide.

"Oh shit!" Roxas coughed into his hand.

"Smack talk." Demyx chimed in.

"Alright, all of you, make your bets, who will win, and what you want Leon to do when he loses." Cloud turned to where Axel, Roxas, Demyx, and I all stood by the side of the table to watch.

"Ummm," Demyx was just as surprised as the rest of us. This new side of cloud was just as entertaining as it was intimidating.

"My vote is for Cloud!" Axel put his hand up quickly as if by intimidation. "And I bet that the loser has to buy us pizza." Axel added with an honest smile.

"I vote Leon." Roxas said to shake things up, "and I think the loser should go the rest of the day without a shirt."

"I think Leon is going to take it, sorry Cloud." Demyx pouted. "But it'd be cool if the loser acted as the personal servant to all of us for the rest of the day: serving us our pizza, making us tea and getting our water when we're thirsty, stuff like that." Demyx shrugged.

"Zexion?" Leon looked to me with confidence.

"Cloud, and think loser should be pied in the face." I said, knowing we had that cake in the fridge.

"We don't have pie." Leon growled, probably disappointed since I voted for Cloud.

"Have cake." I reminded him.

"But I want to eat it." Axel whined.

"Just get the loser to buy it as part of Dem's bet." Roxas shrugged.

"So, no matter who the loser is, they have to follow all the deals we listed, right?" Axel had to be sure.

"Fine with me." Leon gave a cocky shrug.

"I'm in." Cloud let out a deep breath to prepare for war.

"Alright, on three," Demyx warned.

"One," Roxas counted as the couple took hands.

"Two," Axel said next.

"Three!" I shouted as both Leon and Cloud grunted and groaned, each one flexing their muscular arms with all their strength.

"Damn, it looks like someone put a tennis ball in Leon's arm, its huge!" Axel pointed to the pure muscle that was wearing down on Cloud.

"Yeah but look at Cloud, his chest is flexing too, I think he's still in this." Demyx commented.

"Getting intense." I gulped as each one seemed to be close to victory before the other would press harder.

"Come on Leon!" Demyx cheered.

"Go Cloud, finish him!" Axel clapped his hands.

"Want to, give up yet?" Leon asked with a slight grunt.

"Nope. You?" Cloud rushed a breath.

"Please, I'm hardly spent." Leon clearly lied.

"What, you're fighting too?" Cloud mocked before Leon let out a groan as he pressed Cloud's hand further towards the table.

"Almost there!" Leon grunted with closed eyes.

"Man, he's going to win!" Roxas said in excitement.

"Ow ow ow ow!" Cloud whimpered rapidly out of nowhere, his voice pained to the bone.

"Oh my, are you hurt?" Leon paused all movement as his eyes went wide with concern.

"You LOSE!" Cloud slammed Leon's hand down in victory as Leon realized what had happened.

"You cheated!" Leon stood up and pointed.

"No, there weren't any rules to begin with, so there were no rules to break." Cloud smirked as he sat back in his chair. All of us except for Leon were grinning in excitement and entertainment.

"Haha, brains over brawns." Axel shook his head.

"Damn, that was smart thinking." Roxas agreed quietly.

"And to think I was worried I had hurt you." Leon grumbled as he sat back down.

"Well, you lose, so you have to hold up your end of the bargain." Demyx informed the brunette.

"Yeah, and I'd start with the pizza." Axel rubbed his stomach.

"Are you hungry baby?" Roxas asked as he smoothed his hand over Axel's shirt.

"Mmm, really hungry." Axel's eyes went narrow with a hunger, not for actual food.

"What do you feel like eating?" Roxas encouraged their little moment.

"A sexy blondie named Roxy." Axel said before he nipped at Roxas' ear.

"Ok ok, we get the point." Leon waved at them, huffing, still a bit out of breath.

"That reminds me." Cloud said dryly. "I can't wait to have sex." He wore a smirk that none of us, save probably Leon, had ever seen on his face.

"Whatever, I just want to get this day over with." Leon stood up and took the phone to order pizza.

"Don't forget about your shirt babe." Cloud reminded his boyfriend once he had placed our delivery.

"Yeah yeah, whatever." Leon sighed as he shed his black T shirt. "Happy now?" He asked stubbornly.

Cloud walked up to his boyfriend, put his arms on the brunette's bare back, and kissed his lips softly.

"Yes." Cloud said so softly before he rested his head on Leon's pectoral. Leon let out a silent chuckle as he rubbed Cloud's back.

"I love you, my little cheater." He smirked.

"I love you too, my sore loser." Cloud kissed Leon's cheek and took his usual place on the couch when Snowball jumped in his lap.

"Told you, boobs." Axel said before Leon growled.

"Piss him off once more and I bet he'll break your hand at a rematch." Demyx laughed at Axel.

"You guys are so mean. Stop teasing him" Roxas shook his head.

"Thank you." Leon smiled, happy to have some sympathy.

"Of course Leon." Roxas smiled back. "It's not your fault you have breasts." Roxas held in a giggle half heartedly, chocking at the end of it before he burst out laughing, causing the rest of us teens to follow along in the immature moment. We all calmed down, petting the cats that Leon and Cloud always seemed to lose track of.

"I love this one." Axel pet Whiskers happily as he sat at one end of the couch.

"This one is cute too." Demyx held Little Grey Cat, making me smile at the adorableness of my boyfriend and the friendly cat in his lap.

"Fluffykins won't stop purring." Roxas giggled as he sat between our boyfriends, holding up the small white kitten.

"Where's Blackey?" I turned my head around several times.

"Who?" Demyx asked.

"My kitty." I said, knowing that even though I didn't own Blackey, I still bonded with him more than the other cats.

"Meer!" I heard the soft angered meow from behind me before I scooped up the frail kitten.

"Blackey!" I cuddled him to my cheek, kissing his head.

"Meer!" he hissed again before he used his soft paw to swat at my nose.

"Be nice!" I ordered before I kissed that exact paw.

"What's wrong with it?" Axel asked and right away I grew defensive.

"Nothing wrong with my Blackey! Has hard time meowing but learning!" I defended the poor little guy as I held him close.

"Awww, you're so cute baby!" Demyx let go of Little Grey cat and picked me up, placing me in his lap as I held onto Blackey.

"Blackey and I learn how to meow together." I smiled proudly.

"Well I'm very proud of you sweetie, and of Blackey." Demyx giggled as I smiled in his lap.

"I love you Demy." I set down Blackey, who scurried off, before I kissed Demyx.

"Leon? Leon!" Roxas called from the couch.

"What?" Leon asked grumpily.

"Where's our pizza? And can you get me some water?" Roxas bit his lip as Cloud smirked.

"Yeah yeah whatever." Leon rolled his eyes before he served Roxas. "The pizza is on its way." He took a seat in his special chair.

"Hey Leon, you want Zex to spend the night at my house so you and Cloud can seal his part of your bet?" Axel winked. I grinned at Axel's cleverness.

"Not necessary. Cloud isn't the dominating type, so I don't think it'll happen." Leon said even as Cloud sat in his usual living room chair, unmoved.

"No? Cloud isn't the type to waltz right up to you, force a rough kiss on your lips, grab your hips and smash his tongue into yours, tell you he's a hungry man who needs some meat?" Axel smirked as Leon had the nerve to chuckle.

"The day that Cloud forces me into submission and repeats those words is the day I let him top me in that room while you all sit out here." Leon pointed to his room then the couch with a hearty laugh.

"Can we get that in writing?" Demyx asked with a giggle.

"Please, it's like I said," Leon put his hands up to explain himself but just then, Cloud yanked Leon to his feet, roughly smashed him against the wall, aggressively planted his lips on Leon's, squeezed the brunette's hips in his hands, and dominated a kiss so rough that Leon was coughing in shock and in his inability to keep up.

"Woo hoo!" Axel cheered as Demyx whistled loudly.

"You're mine." Cloud said authoritatively as he pressed his hips against Leon's, forcing a deep groan from Leon's throat.

"Mooohh," Leon whimpered as Cloud once again shoved his tongue down Leon's throat, really going for it as my friends and I watched with wide, turned on eyes.

"Still don't think I can dominate?" Cloud hissed, not giving Leon a chance to answer as he took the brunette's wrists, held them above their heads, and drove his hips even harder against Leon's.

"I take it back." Leon gulped when he caught the breath needed to do so. His legs were restless as he fidgeted between the wall and Cloud's body. The brunette was squished without mercy, his hallow breathing evidence of just how much force Cloud was using without hesitation.

"Too late for that." Cloud smirked as he gave Leon no choice but to gasp through his nose, choke on the lack of air, and try not to swallow Cloud's tongue.

"I'm a hungry man." Cloud said as he began to suck on Leon's neck. Leon grimaced as Cloud's face pressed further into his skin.

"Nya!" Leon's closed eyes tightened, probably due to teeth.

"I want some meat." Cloud pulled back as Leon shivered violently, his eyes barely open as his lip remained parted as if they lost feeling.

"Holy shit." Roxas swallowed down the words we were all thinking. My eyes were stuck open wide as I tried to take notes for Demyx.

"Damn that's hot." Axel couldn't take his eyes off of the couple, not like any of us could.

"Cloud," Leon whimpered in a pathetic gasp before Cloud continued to invade Leon's mouth.

"Fuck," Demyx gulped and I knew that if the couple went any further, I'd be hard within seconds.

"Cloud, Cloud stop!" Leon pushed on Cloud's chest, probably getting just as heated as the rest of us were just from watching.

"Admit it." Cloud pushed back, smashing Leon's back against a wall. "I'm dominate." Cloud literally started sucking on Leon's bottom lip, pulling and kneading with his teeth as I made a mental note to try that with Demyx the first chance I get.

"Ahee!" Leon squirmed in a way that made me smirk, seeing him being so submissive out of force, gripping onto Cloud's biceps hopelessly as Cloud shoved his knee between Leon's legs.

"Mph!" Cloud grunted as he rubbed his knee up and down.

"Cloud, enough!" Leon begged.

"If you want me to stop," Cloud snarled as he spoke with his lips grazing up and down Leon's trembling pair, "Admit it." His voice was grungy and rough and I could see the way it caused Leon to shiver.

"You win." Leon shuddered in defeat.

"Thought so." Cloud chuckled before he took a step back and turned to face those of us on the couch, all silent and wide eyed. "Ahem!" He coughed awkwardly and loudly as we all gulped. Cloud's face wasn't even red as he sat down in his chair with the same serious demeanor as he usually wears. Leon, on the other hand, was panting with flushed cheeks and wide eyes, no doubt still in shock of everything that had just happened.

"Fun time over?" Axel asked with disappointment.

"You all," Leon started in anger, but thankfully the doorbell rang.

"Pizza!" Roxas clapped happily before Leon paid for the pizza. "Want my mushrooms?" Roxas picked off the vegetables and handed them to Axel.

"You ok?" Cloud asked Leon, who had been silent since Cloud forced his rough kiss.

"Yeah." The brunette remained short.

"I love you." Cloud put down his food to look Leon in the eye.

"I love you too baby." Leon couldn't fight back a smile.

"You guys are adorable." Demyx smiled as Leon and Cloud blew kisses across the living room.

"Damn Zex you had front row tickets to this huh?" Axel asked as I accidentally coughed on my pizza in shock.

"I, I never saw anything." I gulped shyly.

"Never saw anything eh?" Axel asked suspiciously. "Did you hear anything?"

"Ok that's enough about mine and Cloud's relationship." Leon said firmly.

"Fair enough. We can talk about mine with my Roxy." Axel put an arm around Roxas.

"No we can't." The blonde didn't even look up from his plate as Axel pouted.

"So what about you two?" Cloud asked after he swallowed down a mouthful of pepperoni and cheese. "You guys dating again?" He asked me and Demyx. Naturally I turned to Demyx, who turned to me and scratched the back of his neck.

"It's uh, it's complicated."

"What does that mean?" Leon asked for me, I could tell when he winked at me slyly as Demyx looked at his plate in thought.

"We're just waiting for the right time I guess." Demyx shrugged before he stuffed his face with more pizza.

"Let me know when you figure it out." I huffed.

"Excuse me?" Demyx sounded bothered.

"Nothing." I whispered.

"Zex," Demyx started, but I interrupted.

"I love you Demyx." I said clearly.

"I," I could tell he was caught off by my utterance. "I love you too Zex." He relaxed into a smile.

"So, when is Leon going to get pied in the face?" Axel asked anxiously and changed the pace of the conversation.

"Hmm, I was thinking never." Leon chuckled.

"A deal is a deal." Roxas reminded Leon, who growled.

"Lead by example." I snickered before Leon rolled his eyes.

"Now you all decide to be honest and listen to me." Leon sighed. "Fine let's just get this all over with." Leon snapped his fingers.

"We don't have to." Cloud offered as he stood up and went to the fridge to get the cake.

"No no, I said I would." Leon waved it all off.

"Babe, we don't have to." Cloud entered back, standing behind Leon, the cake hidden behind his back.

"I said I don't mind." Leon repeated.

"Leon," Cloud called clearly, so when Leon turned his head, he met the cake that Cloud had waiting for him, perfectly aligned with his face.

"Haha!" Roxas pointed.

"That was awesome." Axel folded his arms in content.

"Love you." Cloud said as he smashed the cake from side to side on Leon's face. Leon inhaled deep and when Cloud removed the cake to see the remnants, Leon stood up and pinned Cloud to the ground within seconds.

"L-Le-Leon?" Cloud asked shakily as Leon's dominate side returned. The brunette rubbed his cheeks against Clouds, forcing the cake mix and icing to spread against the blonde's.

"How do you like it?" Leon asked teasingly, shedding some layers of frosting onto Cloud's face.

"Ugh! Leon! Knock it off!" Cloud groaned in defiance.

"I love you!" Leon snickered playfully as he got some cake in Cloud's spikey hair.

"Leon!" Cloud shouted just as a knock came from the front door. We all froze and glared at it, even Leon as he straddled Cloud, who had stopped wriggling to sit up with Leon in his lap.

"You shouldn't have yelled so loudly." Leon rolled his eyes as he stood up. "Must be the neighbors." He said before he opened the door, his face and hair soiled with sugary goodness.

"Aerith!" I jumped up, excited for a reason I couldn't really explain. I guess I missed her. I felt guilty for not listening to her rules, cause I know she was only trying to help me, and in ways I didn't even deserve.

"What can we do for you?" Leon welcomed her with a grin as she stared at his messy face.

"I, I was going to stop by to talk to you but I see you're having a party of some sort." She laughed cheerfully.

"Come on in," He waved her in as Cloud cleaned off his face.

"Hi Cloud." Aerith smiled politely.

"Aerith." He greeted back.

"You missed a spot." She chuckled before she took the rag from Cloud's hand and wiped off the last bit of icing evidence.

"Thanks." He blushed as he looked down.

"So, what did you want to talk about?" Leon asked, borrowing the rag to clean himself. Aerith requested that they sit at the kitchen table as Axel, Demyx, Roxas, and I all talked with Cloud in the living room section of the open kitchen-living room space. I couldn't help but try to overhear just what Aerith was telling the brunette.

"Leon, we can't ignore this," Aerith pressed.

"I'm not trying to ignore it." Leon rubbed his chin. "I'm trying to see how we should handle it."

"There's, there's more." Aerith said before she looked at me and since I had been eavesdropping as best as I could from the couch, we made an awkward eye contact.

"Zexion," Cloud brought me back to his circle since I wasn't supposed to hear whatever it was his boyfriend was discussing with Aerith.

"Let's go in the room." Leon led Aerith into his bedroom while I tried not to get discouraged by the secrecy.

"Hey," Demyx called to get my attention. I looked to him with longing that I knew even he couldn't satisfy. "I love you." He smiled so innocently, I knew I was wrong. Of course once his arms went around me, I felt my troubles melt away, and I could only wish that we could freeze time. Why did he always have to let go?

"That's bullshit Aerith and you know it!" Leon yelled angrily as we all became deathly still.

"This isn't my call Leon." Aerith chased after Leon as the brunette stormed into the living room.

"Aerith, he has a right to know." Leon pointed to me as I gulped.

"It's not about whether he should know or not! Obviously he deserves to know but now may not be the best timing!" Aerith argued gently yet authoritatively as Demyx's arm tightened around my waist. I began to pant through my nose, anxious, curious, and frightened.

"So you're suggesting we wait? Well for what? His life to get better so we can ruin it? Or his life to get worse so we can kick him while he's down?" Leon's voice was loud and angry as I started to panic. Whatever they were arguing about telling me, it couldn't have been good.

"Leon think about what will change? Do you think it's wise to inflict such changes on him when he's already gone through so many?" Aerith was so calm it almost scared me more than Leon's yelling.

"This isn't fair, and it isn't right!" Leon pointed a stiff finger at Aerith.

"This is beyond my control, just as it is beyond yours." Aerith said as Leon sighed.

"I won't allow it." Leon shook his head as he crossed his arms in front of his chest.

"Won't allow what?" I stood up.

"Zexion, we know you have questions, but,"

"Won't allow what?!" I screamed, impatient, horrified of any possible response.

"Zexion, you need to calm down." Aerith instructed me.

"I'm scared." I shook as I stood and of course Leon offered me a hug.

"You'll be ok." Leon let out a relaxing deep breath as I looked up at him.

"What do you have to tell me?" I asked fearfully.

Leon looked to Aerith, who shook her head in disapproval with a hand covering her eyes.

"Well, I guess we have no choice but to tell him now, thanks to your little fit." Aerith said quietly. "Since you chose the time, go ahead and deliver the message." She sat down on the one free patch of free couch as Leon waved me over to his room. I turned to Demyx, who nodded at me before I followed after Leon.

"Look Zex, I want you to know, but I hate to be the one to tell you this." Leon let out a deep sigh as we sat on his bed.

"Tell me what?" I asked hesitantly. Did I really want to know?

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note: I am so sorry for the long wait I've been so busy I need to go somewhere now I'm actually running late but I wanted to post this quickly and I hope you have a wonderful day!<strong>

**We see Axel and Roxas back together (Awesome) and we see more cute Cloud and Leon but now something is wrong with Zexion, what could it be?**

**Living Legacy, Sarabellum**


	47. Had Her Medicine All Along

"Look Zex, I want you to know, but I hate to be the one to tell you this." Leon let out a deep sigh as we sat on his bed.

"Tell me what?" I asked hesitantly. Did I really want to know?

"It's about your mom," Leon didn't even look me in the eye. Could it be that bad?

"Pr-prison?" I guessed.

"No." Leon shook his head. "She died." Leon whispered as I tried to accept the concept. I was sad, but I didn't even know the real reason why. I used to love my mother, as a child, when I was too little to understand her condition. And as horrible as I feel, I can't miss someone who never wanted me. But, but I felt a sense of morning was in order, not for her, but for the fact that I forever lost the chance to hear her tell me she loved me.

"When?" I needed to know.

"Last week." Leon hung his head. "I just found out right now. I, I think you should have been informed within the day, I'm sorry." Leon rushed his angered thoughts. I too was upset, but I still had so many questions.

"How?" was all I could get myself to ask.

"She apparently was saving her meds from rehab in her mouth each day, and storing it up in her room when no one was looking. Then, yesterday, she took them all at once. She OD'd." Leon said as I tried to take deep breath's. But then, the irony hit me, and I chuckled as tears swelled to my eyes. "Zexion?" Leon was no doubt confused by my humor.

"I, I couldn't find her medicine. Looks like she didn't need my help after all. She had it all along. She had her medicine all along." I gulped down the tears in my throat as the ones in my eyes fell.

"Oh Zexion," Leon put his arms around me as I started to cry.

"She, she hated me. So why? Why am I sad she's gone?" I demanded an answer from Leon, who held me tighter as he gently rocked us back and forth.

"It's ok. It's going to be ok." Leon informed me before he kissed my temple, his lips warm and soft as it relaxed me slightly.

"I, I want Cloud." I sniffled. Leon's arms were bigger and stronger, but since Cloud started holding me in my sleep, his comfort was a different one, one that I needed just at that moment.

"Call him." Leon smiled so I nodded.

"Cloud." I said, knowing well enough I wasn't half as loud as I needed to be for him to hear me from the living room.

"You're going to have to be louder." Leon rubbed my back.

"Cloud!" I screamed with a shiver.

Leon chuckled, since I called Cloud identical to the way I had witnessed Cloud call Leon many times before.

"What's wrong?" Cloud came in with a look of concern as I sat on his bed, still sniffling.

"He needs a good hug." Leon stood up and patted Cloud's shoulder before he left the room. Cloud looked behind his back at the shut door and then gulped before he turned to face me again.

"What, what happened?" He asked as he gently sat down in front of me.

"My, my mom," I started to weep again. "She died." I gulped loudly.

"Oh," Cloud said quietly, looking at the bedding beneath us as an awkward silence started. "Um, you, you want a hug?" he asked and I nodded with a small smile at his personality. He's a sweet guy, although a bit slow when it comes to social skills.

"Thanks." I said, and when his arms went around me, I closed my eyes, imagining it was my dad.

"Shhh, it's ok. When we lose the people we care about, we have to remember to honor them. No matter the role they played in our lives, we are the legacy they leave behind." Cloud ran his hand up and down my back as I nodded that I understood.

"I just, I wished she would have told me," I let out another sniffle, "Told me she cares. Or that she loved me. Just, didn't want her to hate me." I let out a painful sob.

"Zexion," Cloud pushed me back so he could look at me, so after I rubbed my arm across my eyes, I did so. "Your mother was sick. You deserved to hear that you were loved, you still deserve it. It's not your mom's fault she was sick, and it certainly wasn't yours. Sure, the drugs only made it worse, but she had every reason to love you, so you are loved. You just, you didn't hear it because her sickness clouded her ability to see and express just how loved you deserve to be." Cloud pushed my bangs out of my face, saying such sweet words that made me tear up more.

"Thank you." I blubbered as I tried to regain my composure.

"You are a legacy of what your parents left behind, and it's up to you to make sure that you treat it with honor and respect." Cloud said as I nodded.

"Kay." I sniffled.

"And, for the record," Cloud inhaled deeply before he let it all out through his nose. He looked away before he looked back into my eyes. "Leon and I love you." He neared my face and kissed my forehead, dead center. I was so touched and so sad and so honored and so fucking confused by all of these emotions that I held onto him as I let more tears fall silently.

"I love you guys too." I whispered as I closed my eyes, wanting to sleep so damn badly.

I stayed with Cloud for a few moments more before Leon came back in the room.

"Zexion, come out and say goodbye to your friends." He said from the doorway.

"Please? Stay a little bit more?" I asked, and Leon was nice enough to either have sympathy or pity and allow me to spend more time with my Demyx, Axel, and his Roxas. I went to the living room to see that my friends all seemed to know what had happened to my mother.

"Leon, we need to finish our discussion." Aerith said as she pointed to the kitchen table.

"Now that Zexion knows he should be a part of this." Leon looked to me as I stood silent, not sure what to say, if anything.

"I'm afraid this matter is once again outside his control."

"Aerith," Leon seemed to be warning her and the anger in his quiet tone certainly warned me.

"Don't make this harder than it needs to be." Aerith said calmly.

"What can we possibly do to make it harder than it already is for him?" Leon asked with less patience than I anticipated him to have.

"Leon, you knew when you signed up to be his guardian that this was a professional relationship. Your time with him is over." Aerith said as my eyes went wide.

"What?!" I shouted in shock.

"Zexion," Aerith held up her palm as I shook my head in disbelief.

"You aren't taking him away." Leon folded his arms, as if to dare Aerith otherwise.

"Leon, he isn't under our care now. His parents are both deceased, so he is under the care of the state, and they decided that he will move into the orphanage by the end of the week." Aerith said as I shook my head rapidly.

"NO!" Demyx stood up in protest.

"Twilight Town Orphanage?" Cloud asked before Aerith nodded.

"Yes." She said quietly.

"I lived there for years. I don't want Zexion doing the same." Cloud said stubbornly.

"This isn't my choice, or yours." Aerith said, as if she felt guilty.

"It'll only undo all the progress he's made." Leon sighed heavily.

"I need you two to realize that if I could, I would keep Zexion with me, or with you two. But I have no power in this, and as the adults in this room I think we're doing a poor job of being the mature ones." Aerith said as Leon and Cloud thought quietly, obviously agreeing but too proud to admit it.

"How many days do we have?" Leon asked with a calm attitude.

"He is moving into the orphanage in two days." Aerith said sternly as I panted.

"No," I shook my head with a gasp. I didn't want to move anymore. No more new guardians. No more change. It was too much and I couldn't take it anymore! "No!" I screamed.

"Zexion," Demyx grabbed my hand as I started to panic.

"Please?" I looked to Aerith.

"Zexion, you know how much I support your well being. It pains me to say that this is the way things are."

"Tell me, how long ago did you find out about all this? Why do we only get a two day's notice?" Leon asked with frustration clearly embedded into his eyes.

"I found out exactly," Aerith looked down to her watch. "An hour and six minutes ago, which I spent arguing and then driving over here to tell you." She looked back up, as if to prove Leon that his assumptions were wrong.

"Oh," Leon went quiet.

"I told you how many times now? I'm on your side." Aerith sighed before she sat down, revealing a solemn demeanor.

"I'm sorry. You're right. I just, I hate to see everything go to waste." Leon nodded as if to himself.

"Hey, we did our best, and Zexion is extremely strong, even on his own. I trust him to make wise decisions." Aerith smiled at me as I bit my lip. I appreciated her trust but it was just too much pressure.

"I, I'm scared." I admitted. "I can't keep moving. Too many," I thought for the words. "Too many goodbyes."

"You have to stay fighting Zexion. You can do it." Cloud said as if I had no other option.

"Can't." I whispered.

"He leaves the day after tomorrow, which means we have paperwork to fill out." Aerith looked to Leon, who sighed loudly before he nodded.

"Ok." Leon said as if he were giving up, which made me frown. I, I expected him to fight a bit more to be honest.

"But," I wanted to protest.

"Perhaps it'd be best if you got ready for bed." Aerith looked to me as I shook my head.

"Wont be able to sleep." I already knew that my night was ruined.

"Zexion, try to get some rest." She rubbed my shoulder before Cloud didn't give me a choice but to go shower. He watched as I said goodbye to my friends and then stripped in the bathroom.

"It'll be ok." Cloud said dryly as I stepped into the shower.

"Cloud? You think I'm ready?" I asked curiously. He took a deep breath inward before he exhaled it loudly.

"I don't believe in being ready. I believe in moments happening, and then when we least expect it, we either gain the strength to push forward, or we allow ourselves to succumb to the pressure."

"I'm scared I'll fall." I confessed as I soaped my body.

"No, you're stronger than that." Cloud said as if he were sure.

"What's it like? The orphanage?" I asked since he mentioned that he lived there.

"It's cold." He said quietly as if he were thinking long into his past.

"I don't want to leave." I said as I turned off the water and grabbed a towel.

"You'll be ok." Cloud said before we both went into the bed, rather early.

We were silent for nearly an hour before Leon came in, his eyes heavy and dark as he quickly showered and climbed in bed.

"Leon?" I broke the long heavy stillness.

"Hm?" He asked with his back to me.

"You and Aerith talked for a while." I said, hoping he'd explain what went on.

"Yes, we did." He said with a deep breath.

"What, what about?"

"Don't worry about it." Leon said as I lost hope.

"Don't abandon me." I gulped before I turned to give him my back to by curling up at Cloud's side. I heard Leon shift on the mattress and then I felt his arms around me.

"We'll always be here for you." He kissed my temple before we all tried to get some sleep.

I wanted so badly to just erase all the fear and worry that had built up inside me but life is never that easy. Instead, I did my best to try to relax enough to get a wink of sleep.

When I woke up, it was only because I heard Leon and Cloud talking.

"I love you." Leon's voice was strong.

"Love you too." Cloud uttered lazily.

"You ok?" Leon asked.

"Do you think he's ready?" Cloud asked as I realized they were talking about me.

"Time will tell. Either he'll do as we all saw coming, or he'll prove us wrong." Leon said as I frowned within myself. So they expect me to fail? I'd be offended if I hadn't given them a reason to assume so to begin with. But then, I grew angry and sat up.

"Won't disappoint. Will, will try not to." I shrugged, realizing that it was too big a promise to make so certainly.

"You'll do fine." Leon smiled at me before he straightened his demeanor. "Get ready." He instructed me so after a shower and dressing, we all sat in the living room.

"Alright, let's get going." Leon said to Cloud, who stood up, so I followed.

"Where are we going?" I asked after I put Blackey down from my arms. I grew sad at the idea of parting ways with the cat that inspired me. As depressing as it sounds, once I let him go and he ran off I realized that it wouldn't be long till I did the same. Without everyone's help there's no way I could last on my own. I want to run. I wanted to hide. Blackey still can't meow, and I still have so much progress to make, I might as well give up right? I sighed as I looked to Cloud to answer my question.

"To enjoy our last day." Cloud didn't even look at me.

"But still have tomorrow." I tried to stay positive. I don't know why, but I figured one last shot at having hope was worth the attempt.

"No. you're leaving later in the evening to go with Aerith." Leon didn't even look at me as we got in the car.

"Oh," I didn't have anything to say. Of course. Apparently trying to be positive doesn't work. Just my luck. Nothing new there.

"It's all in the car, right?" Cloud asked Leon.

"Yeah, in the trunk." Leon replied as I looked at them curiously.

"What is?" I didn't want to be sad on my last day with them, but it was hard not to give up completely.

"Zexion," Leon seemed to be ignoring me. "You once told me during out little sessions that you never played catch with your father."

"Right." I agreed with his true statement.

"Well, Cloud and I thought that for your last day with us it might be nice if we went to the park and, I don't know, try throwing around the old ball and glove. What do you say?" Leon asked as I nodded quickly from the backseat. I then decided to just make the best of my last few hours with them, because in the end, I didn't even deserve that much.

"That'd be great." I smiled, knowing I'd be emotional within seconds if I didn't control myself. We went to the park, took out two baseball's, three gloves, and a football before we spread ourselves out on the empty grass.

"Do you know how to throw?" Leon asked as he worked his hand into the glove.

"Um," I gulped.

"Cloud's better at baseball, although football has always been MY thing." Leon smirked as Cloud tried to put a glove on one of my hands.

"Hold. No. Like this. Like this. No. Are you even looking?" Cloud got frustrated as I tried to imitate the way his fingers gripped the ball, but it all looked the same to me.

"I'm trying!" I argued back as Leon laughed.

"You two sound like brothers." The brunette smiled.

"Do not!" Cloud said with his eyes still on my misplaced fingers.

"Do too." I scoffed back with a smirk.

"Do Nau," Cloud stopped halfway before he realized I was messing with him. "Just take the damn ball and throw it." He grunted as I chuckled.

"Ready?" I asked as I twirled the ball in my hand.

"Whenever you are." Cloud stood a good distance in front of me as Leon stood by my side to help in case ….more like when I needed it.

"Catch!" I shouted as I hurled the ball and watched it soar in the air before it fell straight down in front of Cloud's feet, all while Cloud watched uninterested.

"Woops." I scratched the back of my neck.

"Here, like this." Cloud shook his head, picked up the ball, and sent it flying right at my face. I turned my back around and braced for impact until I heard the sound of the ball smacking into a leather glove. I turned shyly to see Leon with his arm stretched out, the ball in his glove as he saved me from a giant bruise.

"Uh, oh," I swallowed hard. "Thanks." I shivered, still in shock that I didn't die from the curve ball that Cloud launched at me.

I gave it a few more attempts before I was able to throw it properly and at one point even Cloud was impressed with the speed and accuracy. My catching still sucked but Cloud went easy on me after his first ball.

"Ok, now for the football." Leon next instructed me on how to throw and catch a football and several hours later, we were all lying on the grassy, staring up into the sky, the sun not too bright and the wind a bit chilly.

"The sky is nice." Cloud said.

"Mhm, pretty Clouds." I pointed to a swirly one.

"Just like my Cloud." Leon smiled as I laid between the couple.

"Don't want this moment to end." I closed my eyes.

"We'll see if we can visit you." Leon faced me, I could hear it, but I refused to open my eyes.

"How much longer we have?" I asked as I finally sat up, the wind ruining my hair as I shook violently from more than just the cool air, but the wave of loneliness crashing inside me.

"Well," Leon turned around once he sat up. "I'd say six seconds?" He guessed so I turned around.

"What?" I turned to see Aerith walking towards us.

"Hello Zexion." She sat down behind me.

"Hey." I shifted my body so I could face her as well.

"Now?" Cloud asked and Aerith, and she nodded without looking up from the grass.

"Aerith?" Leon looked to her and when they made eye contact she nodded once more. "Ok." He nodded quietly.

"Let's go Zexion." Aerith stood up, so I did too.

"What, what we doing now?" I asked curiously.

"We're going to have dinner with your new guardians. You've already been adopted so you won't be going to the orphanage. You will meet them tonight and stay with me, and then tomorrow I'll take you to your new house."

"That fast?" I asked, a bit intimidated.

"You'll be ok. They're nice people." Aerith smiled.

"You know them?" I asked curiously.

"Yes I already met them, before I recommended them as potential parents."

"They aren't parents. I have….I had parents." I gulped before I was remembered how they both died.

"They will take good care of you." Aerith tried to rub my back but I only shook my head.

"Would rather go with Xemnas." I confessed with a shaky voice.

"Zexion don't say that." Leon said sternly.

"Why not? Guna end up with him anyway!" I shouted, frustrated, feeling so helpless and powerless. "Once new house fails, I fail, I end up with Xemnas. So just send me there now." I sniffled before Leon held me close.

"Shh. It's ok. I promise I won't let you fall. Cloud, Aerith, and I will always be here to keep you up." Leon pushed me away from his body to look me in the eyes after I wiped my sleeve across my face.

"Don't know if I'm strong enough." I admitted before a tear fell down my cheek.

"Yes. You are." Cloud stepped closer to me.

"I don't feel ready." I shook my head.

"Zexion, listen to me." Leon grabbed my shoulders and lowered his torso to face me at eye level. "Life doesn't wait for us to be ready. We can't train ourselves for the unknown. But when we are faced with these challenges, we have to step up to be the person we are capable of being to survive. You are capable." Leon said before he stood up straight.

"I'm scared." I couldn't look any of them in the eye.

"It's ok to be scared. Just don't give up." Aerith said as if it were that simple.

"Kay." I realized nothing else could be said.

"Well, if your new guardians allow it, we'll be over to visit as often as possible." Leon smiled, starting the goodbyes I wasn't ready for.

"Aerith?" I ignored Leon and turned to Aerith.

"Yes?"

"Can, can Cloud and Leon join our dinner tonight? Please? Want them there with me. Need support." I begged with the excuse of needing a comfort I couldn't find on my own.

Aerith looked to Leon, who thought for a moment.

"Well," Aerith started ambiguously.

"I mean I guess," Leon put a hand to his chin.

"Sure, I don't see a problem with it." Aerith smiled suddenly.

"Oh? Ok." Leon shrugged.

"Can't wait." Cloud said lacking all enthusiasm in his voice that I knew was in his heart.

"Great." I gave an attempt at a poor smile.

"Ok, we'll see you two ready in proper attire in a few hours at my place." Aerith said to the two men who nodded obediently.

"What about my stuff? All at Leon's and Cloud's." I reminded Aerith.

"We'll have them move it in to your new place tomorrow. Don't worry, we have all the loose ends taken care of." She walked me to her car with Cloud and Leon right behind us. I hugged them each tightly.

"See you tonight Sport." Leon ruffled my hair.

"Bye." Cloud patted my back. I climbed into the front seat.

"Bye!" I rolled down my window and waved feverishly until we passed out of sight.

"Don't worry, you'll see them soon." Aerith tried to keep me upbeat as we drove back to her place and she reminded me how proud of me she was.

"Going to miss them. And you. Wish I didn't ruin my life." I stared out the window.

"Zexion, you didn't ruin your life. You made decisions, and others made decisions that affected you, and those compose of the decisions you will have to make. It's simply that." Aerith said as she parked.

I followed Aerith into the kitchen, not at all excited, but anxious nonetheless of the fear of disappointing yet another new set of people in my life.

"You ok?" Aerith looked at me suspiciously as I shrugged.

"Just tired." I barely had the energy to utter.

"Why don't you go lay down on the couch while I prepare dinner?" Aerith suggested, so with nothing better to do I plopped down on the sofa, face first, and wondered how much time I could kill before boredom would beckon me to check the clock. I lasted forty seconds before I huffed loudly and rolled on my back.

"Aerith" I put my hands behind my head for extra support.

"Yes?" She continued to mix the salad with the dressing as I sat up.

"We make deal?" I was curious to see if she'd hear me out.

"What kind of deal?" She raised an eyebrow.

"By dessert, I still not want to go, you let me go with Xemnas?" I couldn't believe I was asking to be locked up, but hell at least there I'd have consistency and I'd be away from all these let downs that keep dragging me deeper into frustration and worry.

"Zexion," Aerith sighed. "I don't want you having that attitude. It's not fair for these new people to meet you and be willing to take you in when you're going into this already assuming that it'll end badly. Don't you think you're cheating them out?" She gave me a look of pity.

"Doing them a favor." I rolled my eyes.

"Zexion," Aerith put down the last of silverware on the table before she sat beside me. "I need you to trust me."

"I trust you. Don't trust myself," I frowned.

"No one will believe in you if you don't show them why they should." Aerith smiled as if that were supposed to make me feel better.

"I guess." I partially agreed. It made sense but then it made me look bad, not that I wasn't used to it already.

"I wonder who that is?" Aerith said just as the phone rang.

I watched a patiently as she picked up the line.

"Hello? Yes this is her. Great! Oh wonderful. Did you remember to, yes, well of course, and no not at all. Great. Good. Alright. See you soon!" Aerith hung up with a smile.

"Was it them?" I asked, remaining broad because I had nothing better to call them anyway.

"Yes, and THEY are on their way." Aerith picked up on my attitude and smiled.

"What about Cloud and Leon?" I asked with a look of desperation.

"Yes they should be here soon." Aerith went back to put out extra napkins as I stayed in the living room. I heard the doorbell and looked to Aerith, who had just taken the chicken out of the oven.

"Aerith?" I gulped. If I knew for certain who would be at the door I either would have run towards it or ran as far in the polite direction as I could, but since I had no leads, I obeyed Aeriths head nod and shakily walked to the front door. The knock repeated before I quickly threw it open, and sighed in relief.

"Glad you two are here first." I admitted as I hugged Cloud.

"I came on Fenrir. Leon drove his car and will be here in a minute." Cloud said just as I noticed that the brunette wasn't behind him as I had first assumed.

"Oh, ok." I shrugged it off and led Cloud to the dining room.

"Where's Leon?" Aerith frowned as Cloud and I stood at the table. Cloud began to answer her when I realized a very important detail.

"Wait!" I shouted randomly, causing both adults to stop and stare at me.

"What's wrong?" Aerith asked me in wonder.

"Only four plates and forks. But, there's six of us." I pointed out before I went to get more forks and plates, remembering where everything was.

"Zexion that's," Aerith held a hand up before another knock came. "Cloud, would you be so kind?" Aerith asked before I looked up to see her taking the plates out of my hands. She looked past the small wall that divided the front door walkway and the kitchen space before she smiled. "They're here." She whispered as I gulped, my head spinning with nerves and curiosity.

"I, " I wanted to pass out from nerves before Aerith took my hand.

"Zexion, may I induce you to your new guardians,"

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note:<strong> Ok I know I'm evil. **Two huge cliff hangers in a row**? It doesn't seem fair and I'm sorry to leaving you all hanging again. There are some guesses that could be made. There's the overly obvious Cloud and Leon, there's the possibility that its Aerith herself, it could be Aqua on Demyx's begging, it could even be Roxas' parents. Or maybe its Xemnas who doesn't trust Zexion still? Or it very well could be someone new!

The reason why there was such a long wait between this chapter and the one before was because I just had too much going on. I got sick, had exams, somehow got a relationship (long story), and my birthday passed so I was super busy. But the biggest reason is actually because I was still thinking about where I was going with this story. Now I have a better idea so hopefully things will settle out super soon. With this being said, I have some…bad? News? Guess it's up to you to decide if it's bad or not.

**THE NEXT CHAPTER IS THE LAST CHAPTER TO THIS STORY!**

I know that it seems sudden and out of nowhere with no warning but at the same time I think you'd all agree that this story is already way toooooo long. This being said THERE WILL BE A SEQUEL! I am already 100 pages into writing it so I will start posting that as soon as I possibly can. To be honest I don't want to end this story. Like ever. I grew attached to it but I know I must say goodbye. Haha I know, I sound so dramatic. But I hope that you understand. The sequel will be worth following, TRUST ME. I worked hard on it and will continue to do so. I will warn you though: IT IS NOT for the faint of heart. It will be heavier, deeper, and hopefully just as addicting. In fact, a small spoiler (just between us hehe) the** title of the sequel i**s:

**GET ADDICTED**

So I hope that you follow that once it's out, I'd hate to have people read this then give up and not read the sequel. I will do my very best to make it worth your time (smile).

To Victory Dance: Sorry for the awful cliffhanger with the long wait, but I hope that this update was worth it! Thank you for the review.

To LittleTrancyGirl: Hmm, well I guess only time if this is actually good news or bad news! Hahaha instead of a spoiler, how about an update? Thank you for being such a great support!

To Josefina Eagle: Oh wow! I'm really glad that you were able to read all 45 chapters in one sitting, that's great to hear that you enjoyed it. Sorry for the long wait!

To Sora93Kairi: I know I'm so bad with these cliffhangers I'm sorry!

To SoRikuRox: Aww, that's great that the last chapter was a pleasant surprise, I hope this one is too! I am doing review responses, just not as often as I'd like because I'm so busy. But sorry for not answering the last few! THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT!

To IllMaryZemyx: Awww, I'm sorry for making you wait and for the bad news and the cliffhangers! Thank you for sticking with the story, I appreciate it.

To Guest: Yes, very dramatic!

To xsonya: Yes, Cloud and Leon are adorable and even more so when Cloud is dominate. Awww, I'm so happy you liked the boob scene ^_^ I could picture that happening so I thought it'd be a nice addition to the story. I'm glad you like Blackey too! Yeah, I know, too many cliffhangers! I'm sorry haha.

To FenrirDarkWolf: Yeah the cake was a fun experience although id be mad if it ever happened to me haha.

To FromSoraXWithLove: Hahaha, yeah I've been so busy that updating just wasn't possible but thank you for still following this story it means a lot I appreciate it! Miss you.

To xXKairiheartsXx: I am so honored to receive a review like yours. I'm sorry about your struggles, I wont say I understand because I don't even know what you're going through but I do know that you aren't alone. I'm glad that you are trying not to hurt others, or yourself. You are very strong. It's not easy. Thank you a million times again for that lovely compliment. I hope you have a wonderful day.

To Punk Rocker Arashi: Haha, sorry for the wait! Hope it was worth it. Thank you for the review.

To Rawritsakookye: Hahaha, nice theory but no twin brother. I wouldn't even know where to go with a plot like that haha.

To A Guest This (close to a mental breakdown): I love the creative name! haha. Sorry for the long wait. No it's not usually normal but it's becoming so with my schedule. Sorry for the inconvenience. I will never abandon this story, nor any of my stories. This I promise you.

To genesisluv98: Hahaha is that last cliffhanger still more annoying than this one in this chapter? Sorry for the long wait. Thank you for being patient.

To babychela45: Chica, lo siento pero hopefully this update was worth the wait. Gracias para su review!

**Thank you everyone for being supportive and patient and don't forget to watch out for the sequel, Get Addicted! I promise I'll make it worth the follow! I truly am grateful for the huge support system I have on fanfiction and I am very grateful for ever review, follow, and favorite. Thank you all. I couldn't say it enough. Ok, cheesy moment over. Time to end the wait and update this now!**

**Living Legacy, Sarabellum**


	48. Not A Mistake

"Zexion, may I induce you to your new guardians," She smiled right before Leon and Cloud walked into the dining hall holding hands.

I looked at them in confusion before I peered behind them, realized that no one else was there, and looked back at Aerith.

"What?" I didn't get it.

"Your new guardians," Aerith repeated as I once again looked to see those two strong, brave, caring men staring at me.

"You, you two? You two adopted me?" I don't know why but it didn't make sense to me, like I couldn't accept the reality because I knew I didn't deserve it.

"I couldn't let you go that easily." Leon shrugged as Clouds hand slipped out of his.

"I, I don't know what to say," I could hardly hear my own voice as I sniffled.

"When we found out that you'd have to go, Cloud made sure that we did all we could to keep you with us." Leon added with a smile as a tear rolled down my cheek.

"Thank you!" I ran up to Cloud, violently tackled him for a hug, and chocked him with my merciless grasp.

"You're welcome." Clouds hand relaxingly smoothed up and down my back, pressing me farther against his chest as I worked hard to keep myself from weeping. I sniffled, took some deep breaths, and then cleared my throat. Leon gave me a smile so I forced a rough hug on him, relieved to feel his muscles

surrounding me in a gentle yet firm warmth.

"I, I really don't know what to say." I rubbed my eyes.

"Then why don't we eat?" Aerith proposed, and before I agreed I gave her a hug too.

"Too happy to be hungry." Another tear of joy fell as I felt Leon's hand on my shoulder.

"Let's get some food in you, then we can send Cloud to get desert so we can all relax." Leon smiled.

"Yeah, sure, just send Cloud." Cloud rolled his eyes in annoyance.

"I have desert in the oven, no need to worry." Aerith chuckled as we all took our seats. Leon was at the head of the small table, then me sitting across Aerith with Cloud sitting across from Leon.

"You ok?" Leon asked, noticing that I hadn't even started eating.

"I can't eat. Can't think. Just, so happy." I smiled up at him.

"That makes us happy to hear. Doesn't it?" Leon looked to Cloud.

"M." Cloud nodded.

"Thank you." I let out a happy sniffle.

"Of course. Now go on and eat before the food gets cold." Leon instructed me, and in an attempt to make him proud of me, I obeyed. After the meal we all gathered in the living room, ate desert, and I listened as the three adults talked, which was mostly Leon and Aerith with Cloud occasionally grunting.

"You ok? You've been quiet?" Leon asked me after they wrapped up a conversation about college.

"Just thinking." I shrugged, still content and happy before their college conversation picked right back up again.

"It's been a while since I thought back to college days. Back to when we had to write those research papers, study for exams." Aerith shuddered with a pleasant grin that never seemed to leave her face.

"I remember the times when I thought high school was hard." Cloud scoffed.

"I remember paying losers to write my papers in high school." Leon bragged with his hands rested behind his head.

"Such a bad student." Aerith shook her head with a tisk.

"All the girls loved me, all the nerds wanted to be like me, and teachers had to pass me so our school could go to the championship bowl." Leon shrugged modestly. "It was the life until I went to college and realized I had to actually work. And I was working out twice as much to keep up with more competitive athletes."

"I was always so focused in high school, I felt burnt out by the time I reached college." Aerith let out a sigh, but still with a look of content on her face.

"Yeah right, you were only distracted cause of that guy." Leon smiled teasingly.

"Zack," Cloud whispered, as if he were afraid to say it any louder.

"It's been a while since I thought about all that too." Aerith played with the ring on her finger with her other hand.

"It's been about six years." Leon nodded, probably realizing that his words had just started something heavy.

"Six years, nine months," Aerith cleared her throat.

"I wish I could go back. Wish I could have done something." Cloud said quietly.

"I understand that feeling." Leon put his arm around Cloud, his words more true than even I could comprehend, but that didn't help as Cloud stood up and walked away from the couch.

"I let him go." Cloud said solemnly.

"It wasn't your burden. Zack knew what he was doing the very first time he started hanging around Sephiroth." Leon stood up and folded his arms as I looked with wide eyes. I quickly looked back down into my lap, afraid to say a word. I never told them where I got my drugs from when I used to do them, but I was far too scared to even mention Sephiroth's name. Still, part of me wondered, should they know?

"If I ever find that silver haired bastard," Cloud tensed his hands into fists. Maybe I shouldn't say anything in case Cloud loses it and takes it out on me. He'd probably kill me thinking I'm the silver haired creep.

"It wasn't just Sephiroth. It was all of the seniors when we were freshman. Genesis, and especially Angeal." Aerith spoke out.

"Angeal; he used to be really nice. Somehow he just turned." Leon shook his head.

"It was all because of Sephiroth." Cloud seemed to have a personal frustration with the drug dealer I once used.

"Genesis started it all," Aerith remained sitting down next to me as I gulped.

"One day, one day I'll make him pay." Cloud said as if to himself.

"I'm still working with the police to try to find him, but we haven't had a tip in a long time." Leon sighed as he sat back down. "One day justice will be served."

"I hope so, for Zack." Cloud sat next to Leon.

"For Zack." Aerith nodded her condolences.

"I'm sorry, bout your friend." I said quietly and politely. I felt so guilty. Maybe, maybe I could be the part of the puzzle they needed for their justice; but it was just too risky. The last think I need to do is remind these people why I should be locked up when they're trying to keep me on the outside.

"Thank you." Aerith smiled sweetly.

"Drugs are no joke. It's all fun and games until it gets to your brain and then it fucks with your mind." Leon said seriously.

"Leon, language." Aerith resumed her usual motherly tone.

"Off to a great start as a dad." Cloud smirked as I chuckled.

"Don't do drugs, don't cuss!" Leon pointed a stiff finger at me playfully.

"Got it." I nodded along.

"So, why don't we go shopping like we planned?" Aerith stood up and gave a friendly smile to freshen the mood.

"Shopping?" I looked to Leon. God only knows that's the last thing he and I need to do since we were so clueless last time and just put whatever we saw in the cart.

"For your new room." Leon smiled at me as I blushed.

"Re-really?" I was so touched I was speechless.

"Of course. But easy on the black decorations, ok?" Leon advised before we all got into his car.

"What are you doing?" Cloud looked at me as I tried to buckle my seatbelt.

"Um," I didn't know how to explain something I thought was so obvious.

"That one is mine." Cloud said protectively. I double checked to see that he was right.

"Sorry." I said as we both cleared our throats in the back seat.

"Something tells me you two are going to be more like brothers while Leon is the parent." Aerith giggled from the passenger seat.

"Yeah and I'll need you as the mom to get them listen too." Leon rolled his eyes from the drivers spot.

We spent a few hours going up and down the housing isles, picking stuff out for my bedroom and when Leon said that we'll need to fill up the new living room, I then realized something I hadn't before.

"Wait, apartment only has one room." I was confused as we started going down the bathroom section.

"We are moving just down the hall to a bigger apartment with two rooms." Leon didn't even look at me as he put new shower rings in the cart.

"Really?" I was surprised.

"When we first agreed to take you in we applied for it, assuming you'd be with us for a while. We figured after you left once you were ready, we could just use it for an office or something. Now we have a better use for it." Leon smiled as I tried to keep myself from getting emotional in a public setting.

"Thank, thank you." I smiled bright.

"You're welcome." Cloud said dryly as he picked out a black shower curtain.

"So, when we moving?" I asked as we all got back in the car to drop Cloud off at Aerith's place so he could pick up his motorcycle and meet us at the apartment complex.

"Right now." Leon said as we got on the highway.

"Oh." I said, a bit shocked, and not too excited to do any packing or lifting, but I remained silent anyway.

We had just let Cloud out of the car outside of Aerith's house when Leon's phone rang.

"Hello? Everything ok? Oh good. Ok. Mhmm, yes. Alright. Be careful. And don't go breaking anything. What was that? Wait! What? I swear to god if you! Fine, just be careful. Yeah yeah yeah, I memorized it." Leon rolled his eyes as I wondered who he was talking to.

"Is everything alright?" Aerith asked as Cloud waited to hear Leon's response.

"Just the movers."

"I don't trust them." Cloud muttered before he got on his motorcycle and sped off.

"We better hurry before they burn the place down." Leon shook his head. He chatted with Aerith until we reached the parking structure.

"Are you excited?" Aerith asked me with a wide smile. To be honest I was but at the same time I was very tired with just so much going on in my mind.

"Yeah," I said, not so convincingly.

"You've been very quiet." Leon looked at me suspiciously.

"I just, I feel so, weird." I said as we got out of the car.

"How so?" Aerith asked curiously.

"Sad that mom is gone. Happy to be with Cloud and Leon. But, wish friends were here too." I shrugged.

"You miss them, huh?" Aerith asked with an understanding smile.

"Yeah. They, they the reason I alive." I smiled, because I could say it and literally mean it.

"They are great friends. Truly irreplaceable." Leon smiled as we got in the elevator to go up 6 floors.

"I'm sure they'll want to see you as soon as possible." Aerith reassured me as we walked down the hall.

"Let's see how the new place looks, shall we?" Leon said as we passed by the apartment that I had stayed in with them.

"Ok." I was anxious, especially since we had already seen Cloud's motorcycle in the parking structure.

"Hello?" Leon opened the door to show Cloud sitting on a couch. My eyes went wide to see that everything was already in place: the TV, the couch, even dishes and cups and well, everything!

"Wow." I was really impressed at how everything was set up when I half expected to do it myself.

"It's bigger." Cloud said as he stood up and walked over to us.

"I've heard that before." Leon lifted his eyebrows as I blushed.

"Ok, well," Aerith clapped loudly as Leon chuckled and Cloud grunted grumpily. "Why don't we show Zexion the rest of the place?" She hinted strongly so we followed after.

They showed me the hallway bathroom, already decorated, and then Leon stood outside one room.

"This is Cloud's and my bedroom," He opened the door and I saw that not only was everything unpacked, but there was a redhead and a short blonde boy standing in the center.

"Surprise!" They shouted before I tackled them both for a hug at the same time.

"Guys!" I pushed into them with so much force that we all fell down on the floor.

"Careful." Leon chuckled before Axel sat us all up since he fell at the bottom.

"Zex!" He hugged me tightly.

"Axe! Roxy!" I was so happy I couldn't control it.

"Welcome home buddy." Roxas patted my head as I inhaled the joy.

"Thanks!" I felt their arms around me as I tried to hug them both at once.

"Once we heard you were staying, we just had to help make this place the best house ever!" Roxas smiled at me.

"Thank you, really." I said to him and Axel, too happy to know what else to say.

"Come on, let's go see your room." Leon winked at me.

"I wonder who's hiding in there." Cloud grumbled, 'ruining' the surprise even though it was clearly no secret.

I slowly opened the door that we were all standing outside quietly. When I peeked in, I saw Demyx dancing with his back towards me, thick headphones over his ears as he swayed his hips from side to side, head-banging smoothly while hanging up the last of my clothes in my closet. I smiled before I cleared my throat.

"Demyx." I said at a normal level. He didn't respond as he continued to dance.

"Yo Dem!" Axel said louder.

"Hello?" Leon asked my boyfriend who still hadn't noticed us.

"Demyx?" Roxas scratched his head.

"Didn't you tell him we were here?" Leon asked Cloud as we all watched Demyx dance to himself.

"Guess he didn't hear me say "we're here"?" Cloud shrugged.

"No one heard you. We walked into the living room and saw you. And even then you still didn't say anything!" Axel folded his arms.

"I said it." Cloud said to defend himself before I shook my head with a smile. I walked up to Demyx, took a deep breath, and then threw my arms around him.

"Eh?!" He panicked before he turned around with my arms still around his waist. "BABY!" He hugged me so tightly that I had to take several paces backward to avoid falling over.

"Demy!" I closed my eyes, bit my lip, and tried to keep from crying. I was just so tried emotionally, so happy, still mourning, just so heavy hearted. I wanted to be sad for my mother; I wanted to be happy to show Cloud and Leon that I was thankful for them; and I wanted to show my friends how much I appreciated their faithfulness to me. I also owed it to Aerith who helped me in the first place, and hell, I owed it to myself too. But at that moment, all I could do was sniffle.

"You ok?" Demyx asked, probably noticing how I was starting to cry lightly.

"I just, I don't know." I wiped my eyes with my hands against his chest.

"Oh, he, he's crying." Roxas whispered before I started to shudder.

"Shh, it's ok." Demyx held me tighter before I felt a stronger warmth. Roxas was hugging Demyx while Axel was hugging Roxas.

"We've got you buddy." Roxas smiled.

"We'll never let you go." Axel said soothingly as I let more tears out.

"Thanks." Was all I could say.

"Happy tears, or sad tears?" Aerith asked me and at the word 'sad' I started to sniffle and choke on it.

"I, I don't know." I confessed with a hand to my head. "Everything." I didn't know how to even answer her question as all these emotions flooded my slowly aching head.

"Shh, it's ok." Demyx rubbed my back as Axel and Roxas took a step back.

"Wish, wish I could have said goodbye." I wept quietly.

"Your mom?" Demyx asked before I nodded against his shirt.

"And my dad. And Grandma. Why did they leave me?" I started to sob before I opened my leaking eyes to see Leon silently asking Demyx to hand me over. Demyx let his arms slide off of my body before Leon sat down on my new bed and patted the spot next to him.

"Shh, it'll be alright." Leon rubbed my shoulder.

"I just wanted them to love me." I inhaled deeply, my lower lip shaking. "Didn't ask to be born. It wasn't my fault." I put my head in my hands, feeling guilty for ruining what was supposed to be a happy moment, but I couldn't ignore the feelings tugging at my heart.

"Zexion you being born wasn't a bad thing. You have to accept that." Leon moved his hand to my back, making small relaxing circles with his large palm.

"Mom said it was. Said, I wasn't just an accident. Said I was a mistake." I coughed up more rough tears.

"Look at me." Leon said sternly so after I sniffled liquid back into my nose and wiped my eyes messily with my sleeve, I obeyed and stared deep into his harsh brown orbs. "You are NOT a mistake. Do you understand?" He asked as if there wasn't even an answer expected.

"Kay." I said, but it was clear that I didn't really believe him.

"Sometimes things happen that we don't plan, but that doesn't make them mistakes."

"But I am. Told me," I sniffled, "told me if she could go back, would have aborted me." I looked down into my lap. "Aunt told me she wished mom would have." I whispered before Cloud sat at my other side.

"Those people don't care about you, because of their own issues. Look at everyone in this room." He commanded, so I did, seeing Demyx's poor smile, Axel's and Roxas' attempt to cheer me up with their over the top smile, and Aerith's friendly grin. Then I saw Leon and his serious look of concern, and Cloud with his subtle version of help. "There's not one of us in here who wouldn't do everything we had to, to make sure you were ok." Cloud words were so direct that they just felt so true.

"No matter the hour, if you called needing a listening ear, I'd drive to wherever you are with all the support I can give." Aerith smiled comfortingly.

"You'll always have me to be that person who just keeps you company when you need it; whether you want to talk, have fun doing whatever you want, or when you just need someone to keep from feeling alone. I'll always be here for you Zex." Roxas smiled at me.

"And I'll always have your back. Whether you need some encouragement, some advice, or just some stupid words to make you smile and laugh, you're looking at your guy." Axel pointed to himself and I couldn't help but smile weakly. "See? I told you, I'll do whatever to keep that smile on your face." He said as I bit my lip and nodded.

"When I think back to what our parents did to us," Demyx paused before he sighed. "Well, it isn't fair. But if I had the option to go through it all a second time just to see you smile for a minute," Demyx gave a shy smile. "I'd do it Zex. I love you. We may just be in high school, but I know that this is real. And I really would do anything you asked for if it meant keeping you safe and happy. I'm here, when you want me, and even when you don't." Demyx gave a playful smile as I let out a small chuckle. "I promise to keep your heart in the safest place I own, right next to mine." He winked before I blushed. It was the cheesiest yet sweetest thing anyone's ever told me.

"Thank you Demy." I felt my face turning red with hope returning to me.

"I know I don't say much. Doesn't mean I don't feel much. I care about you." Cloud said with his eyes as honest as ever, and his cute phrase made me smile. "I will not let you fall." His promise sounded so certain, as if his life depended on it, so I nodded my sincere thanks.

"I know we just took you in, but that doesn't mean that I just started caring about you. The day we met in the hospital, I realized just how special you are. We may not have known each other very long, but that doesn't change the fact that I will do everything in my power to provide for you and give you the best life I can offer. I would lay my very life down for you Zexion, because you are that important." Leon's eyes didn't shake or stray as he said such heavy words, making me feel so special that I had to hide in his chest with a hug, crying all over again.

"It will be ok." Leon comforted me.

"We love you Zex, don't cry." Demyx said but I shook my head into Leon's hold.

"Happy tears." I sniffled before I heard my friends cheering.

"Aww, he's so cute!" Roxas squealed as I blushed, sniffling the last of my happy tears.

"He is adorable. Demyx picked a keeper." Axel winked at me as I smiled back.

"The very best!" Demyx blew me a kiss as I bit my lip, blushing even stronger.

"I just wonder why he picked weird friends like us." Roxas joked.

"Hey!" Axel took a playful offense. "It's cause we are all weirdo's together and it's like I said, we'll never leave him. Cause he's stuck with us for forever and ever!" Axel said proudly as we all smiled.

"Come on, we promised the movers pizza." Leon gave a caring smile down at me.

"Food!" Axel ran after Leon, who went into the living room.

"So much for 'never leave him for forever and ever'." Roxas rolled his eyes playfully as I chuckled.

"You going to be ok?" Demyx asked before he and I followed after Roxas, Axel, and Aerith.

"Yeah." I wiped my eyes free of all liquid traces and took his hand. We walked into the living room as Leon ordered the pizza on the phone.

"You guys didn't break anything, right?" Cloud asked.

"Nope." Axel said, sitting on the couch and pulling Roxas to his side.

"Where are my cats?" Cloud asked as Axel sighed.

"I don't know. Somewhere."

"Somewhere?!" Cloud stood up in a panicked anger.

"Yeah, somewhere." Axel shrugged.

"Snowball?" Cloud began his hunt.

"That doesn't worry you?" Axel asked Leon as the brunette watched Cloud's desperate search for his cats.

"Eh. As long as he chooses me over the cats, there won't be a problem." Leon shrugged his folded arms.

"I swear Axel if you hurt one of my cats," Cloud started.

"What are you going to do, sick Leon on me?" Axel asked with a chuckle.

"Hey!" Leon barked loudly as I saw Axel's eyes widen as his body stiffened.

"You bet to hell I will." Cloud said with no bump in his tone as he sat on the armrest of Leon's loveseat. Leon gave a smug grin before he put his arm around Cloud's waist.

"Must be nice to have your own body guard." Roxas scoffed.

"Zexion really has the life now." Axel said as he unstiffened his body. I looked to him a bit confused. "Well, you have a nice room, two great guardians who are funny and strong, and you still have Aerith, and well, if I do say so myself, you have three amazing friends. And I mean, AMAZING. Like, the cute blonde boy is super cute, the tall blonde is sweet, and then there's the sexy redhead," Axel smirked as we all laughed along.

"I could go for some ice cream." Roxas rubbed his stomach.

"Popsicles sound good after the move." Demyx stretched his arms.

"Oh, I see, one of THOSE popsicles eh? Well I'm sure Zexion and Roxas might oppose but, if you want a popsicle," Axel moved his right hand to his zipper as my eyes widened.

"Move your hand and the next time I get a taste of you popsicle, I'll bite it so hard, the popsicle stick will break in two." Roxas glared his icy eyes.

"On second thought," Axel coughed. "I recommend you just buy some real ice cream."

"Good choice." Roxas rolled his eyes.

"Anyway, if you guys want desert we'd have to go to the store." Leon said as I raised my hand to volunteer.

"I'll go with him." Demyx offered. "I kind of wanted some alone time to talk to him about our relationship; if that's ok." Demyx looked to Leon, who exhaled out his nose and nodded.

"I want you both there and back within thirty minutes. No detours. No funny business." Leon said clearly as my boyfriend and I nodded.

"I'll keep his hand in mine, cause I don't want to let go." Demyx smiled at me before I smiled back.

"Good. Be safe. Be smart." Leon warned before my boyfriend and I headed for the gas station down the street.

"So, what Demy want to talk about?" I asked as we neared the gas station, just a few minutes walk from the apartment complex.

"Well, I mean, now that you have a stable home, maybe it's time we had a stable relationship?" Demyx asked me as I bit my lip, trying not to look desperate and over excited, but I was so happy at just the idea.

"You mean it?" I asked back.

"Yeah," Demyx smiled. "I want to be with you, and I want you to heal, so if we do officially date again, we have to make sure we are each dedicated to continuing this journey we started of healing the damage done by our parents. But maybe we can do both at the same time?" Demyx gave me a hopeful smile as I stopped to hug him.

"Thank you." I closed my eyes, so happy. Here I was, getting everything I could ask for, and more. I got to live with Cloud and Leon, as if they were my parents. I still get to have Aerith's support, and the friendships of people as awesome as Axel and Roxas. And now, now I get Demyx? I was wondering what the catch would be, because I knew life could never be so perfect.

I was right.

Just after we broke the hug and started walking again towards the gas station, I saw a familiar face.

"Great, now to just buy ice cream and some soda and we're set!" Demyx gave me a smile just twenty meters from the gas station's Quick Mart door. I gulped and made eye contact with cold aqua marine eyes. They smiled back at me as I realized just how dangerous the situation had become. Just then the eyes looked down to a phone and seemed busy, so I went with Demyx into the store, ignoring the man outside who I knew had seen me, and who I knew I needed to avoid. That plan didn't work well as I received a text.

"Everything ok?" Demyx asked.

"Yeah," I opened the text to read it.

"You've been gone for a while. You interested, Ienzo?"

Right away, without even having to look at the contact information, I knew who sent that text. There was only one person who called me by that name. Just one man, who was standing outside the mini mart, who had made eye contact with me, and who used to sell me my drugs. Shit. It was Sephiroth.

"Was it Leon?" Demyx asked as I shoved the phone in my pocket.

"No, no, is ok." I tried to calm down. I couldn't show that I was nervous. I couldn't show any signs of what had happened, of who had just texted me, of what was going on inside my head. I had to look calm, I had to keep it together, but most importantly, I had to ask myself one question:

Would I take Sephiroth up on his offer?

"Hmmm, ok what flavor?" Demyx stood in front of the ice cream section with me at his side as I took my phone out, looked at the text, and opened a new message to respond. I looked outside the glass window and saw Sephiroth looking at me with a smile so controlled it was nearly frightening. I gulped. I took a deep breath before I typed out the words carefully, mentally reviewing the pros and cons as quickly as I could. Before I could think further and change my mind on the matter, I sent the text.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note:<strong> No I'm not bull shitting you, **this really is the end of A Taste of Loneliness**! For those of you who don't already know **THERE WILL BE A SEQUEL**. I only have this ending for ONE reason:** I want YOU to choose if he sends the text or not.** I'm being serious too. I already wrote one version (ok well I outlined what would happen in one scenario) but I want YOU to decide what you would like to read. I will say that the side I wrote is very dark, very heavy, kind of creepy, and just plain over the top sad. Yep, can you guess which version I wrote? Basically, it has a lot of negative themes but of course has a happy ending. I just, I'm wondering if you want to read it, I don't know, I don't want to post something super heavy and dramatic if you guys want to read something happier. So** if you want to read about Zexion living with Cloud and Leon, please let me know and I will write about that with some conflict and tension but good old family cute fluff. If you want to read about Zexion giving into his old ways, please say so** and I will make it happen. I am perfectly fine with any way you vote. No matter which way you vote,** the title will be GET ADDICTED,** so look for it on my page/check regularly to see when it's up!

**PLEASE VOTE VIA COMMENT.** It'll be easier to count which version won if it is all on the same place. Even if you just review "Sephiroth" or "Cleon", just so I know what you want to read. **Please vote so you can read the sequel you want to read.** I really want you to be a part of this process, because this story has gotten me so many lovely reviews and heart felt messages, I really want to give back to you all and give you a sequel you want to read, but I can't do that unless you tell me which version you'd like.

Of course, this being said, I do want to say that the sequel may not be posted for a little while, since I have to wait for enough people to vote, and then I have to actually write it all out, which can take a while. Thank you in advance for your patience, but I promise I will start positing it the second I have the first chapter down. I will do my best not to make you wait long!

**Thank you to everyone who reviewed, commented, sent me a private message, followed, and favorite this story.** It means so much to me, how many people informed me that they were touched or inspired by this story. I do want to **dedicate it to Anthony**, who will never read this, never realize that I still care for him as a close friend, and will never realize that I never gave up on him. I'm sorry I couldn't do more to keep you away from the drugs you insisted you were never addicted to. Despite the decisions you made, I will always be here, even if you refuse to acknowledge me, I will always care for you. This story may never reach you, but I hope it reaches others and helps them the way I failed to help you. I am sorry, and I will always love you.

Ok, sorry for that personal tidbit!

Thanks again for reading! (sorry for not doing reader responses, I'm trying to update 2 other stories right now and am packing to go back home for the first time in 7 months, so busy!)

**DONT FORGET TO VOTE: SEPHIROTH or CLOUD AND LEON!**

Living Legacy, Silent Sacrifice, Sarabellum


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